People Confess Why They Think Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex Is A Good Or Bad Idea
Why is sex such a dramatic aspect of life?
It carries such weight in our lives.
For some, there's a big debate about waiting for marriage.
Other want to know if they're compatible (both emotionally and sexually) before tying the knot.
Whether it's for religious or other reasons, this topic can put a strain on many adult relationships.
First and foremost, we do know we have to do what's best for us.
Redditor EveningAd3633 wanted to hear about all the reasons to abstain or let loose, so they asked:
"Do you think that waiting until you are married for sex is a good idea? Why or why not?"
Redditors from around the globe wanted to share their experiences.
"I know a couple who are waiting until marriage. They both agree on it and are fine with it. But they have ridiculously over the top tickle fights. - _- It makes me so uncomfortable to witness. I'd almost rather see them bang in front of me. It's band camp levels of tension that just won't ever go away."
Do we Fit?
"No. We waited and we were not compatible… eventually, he cheated and we got divorced. Also, being compatible sexually is not a reason to get married either."
"I don’t understand how people don’t get this. It’s the same as any other aspect of marriage—if you aren’t compatible, you shouldn’t get married. It would be like dating someone, and the entire time you’re both blindfolded."
"Then after you’re married you can FINALLY take your blindfold off only to find out your partner looks like someone set their face on fire and put it out with a pick axe. Every aspect of compatibility is important in a marriage."
"Yes, you both change and evolve but if you’re not both 100% committed to weathering these changes and adapting as a couple, then your marriage will probably not be a happy one!"
"Personally, I think it's good to wait a while before having sex with someone to actually know them, but I wouldn't wait to be married... I think you should know the person that you are marrying on all aspect."
"WELL SAID - and just to take on so many of the other opinions on this thread, it is NOT a good idea to wait until after marriage. It’s not 'fine if you want' it’s actively a terrible idea IF you care about having a sex life. Hoping it will work out through sheer luck? Idiotic."
"No. Not saying you should f**k everyone that propositions you but you should make sure you are compatible with someone before marrying them. Too many people find out too late they can't stand someone's actual personality. Things change after sex, people calm down and get real, they stop being on their best behavior. Get to know the real person before you marry an intolerable a**hole."
Stay CalmRelaxing Chill Out GIF by Talk StoopGiphy
"If you want to wait, go for it. But don’t set yourself up for waiting until marriage, and then rush the marriage part just to get to the sex."
"Kid I work with is 24. Just got married. Did the deed. Now has a kid on the way. All within 3-4 months of meeting his wife at church. Great kid. But you can see it in his face already. The guy is STRESSED."
Roulettetv land casino GIF by Lopez on TV LandGiphy
"Paraphrasing Lewis Black: If you wait until marriage to have sex, then you are a gambler on a level I can't even freaking imagine."
"I would say it’s not about waiting until you are married but waiting until it is right for both of you. That’s the key point that a lot of people get wrong. They get to it for reasons other than it being right or feeling right."
"So if your belief is that you should have committed to a marriage, then that is what is going to feel right for you. It could also be that within hours (or even minutes) you can feel that it is right for you. Don’t judge the duration, judge the feeling that you have."
Cause and Effect
"I’ve heard horror stories of marriages being destroyed because it wasn’t until after wedlock that they discovered their sex drives were entirely different. It causes depression, it causes divorce, and in some extreme cases, it pushes people to cheat. I just don’t think it’s worth it to wait when it could potentially make or break a relationship."
He was right...
"My step dad always told me, 'You might like the pair of jeans you have, but there's always a chance you'll find a pair that fits you better.' He was right. There was no shame in having sex before marriage, and he also taught me that as a female, it is perfectly OK to buy and have the condoms. It's also ok to reject a guy if he doesn't want to be safe. Your body is worth more than his sexual pleasure."
More than talk...Heart GIF by BuzzFeedGiphy
"No. Unless you're both asexual, sexual compatibility is an important part of a relationship, and that's not something you can determine just through conversation."
"Sexual compatibility is important for asexual people too, as in having a similar lack of interest in it."
Thanks to these Redditors for opening up and sharing on such an important topic.
Some really valid points were made about communication, expectation, and compatibility.
Do you have any thoughts to share? Let us know in the comments below.
People Over 50 Share The Things Young People Don't Know That Could Help Them
Reaching 50 is a life goal.
Getting to that milestone is something we should all aim for.
So many years, so much life lived.
Which means there is so much story to tell.
Who can't help but look back and advise about how to do it better?
Redditor h-gotfred wanted to hear from the over 50 crowd, so they asked:
"To you Redditors aged 50+, what's something you genuinely believe young people haven't realized yet, but could enrich their lives or positively impact their outlook on life?"
There is so much to know about life.
And we have to age to learn it.
So let's chat...
Be Happyjust married love GIFGiphy
"Marriage/relationships should be fun, and happy. Life is hard, things get tough. Find someone that makes the tough times easier, not harder."
"Piggybacking off this and saying, even the happiest marriages get into arguments. It's not a reason to leave."
"Not everything that you disagree with deserves an argument. Pick your battles and let trivial things slide."
"To echo this: Not everyone you disagree with is 'wrong.' They are simply operating with different information. You can disagree with someone on an issue and still value the person. Don't let one issue define your entire relationship with another person."
"If you die, your employer will have your job posted before you are buried. Remember that when making work/life choices."
"I started my career at corporate headquarters for a large insurance company. I was doing GREAT, but I just didn’t like the industry. I applied for a job at a major university and someone took a chance on me and gave me the position (transitioning from for-profit to non-profit is notoriously hard)."
"I made less money over the course of my career certainly but I wasn’t on poverty wages by any means. But I remember about 5 years in, one of my old VPs was in town and we got together. His comment was 'We miss you, but you look so much happier, the psychic income is showing.' Insightful guy."
"2 things I will be eternally grateful to my grandfather for instilling in me..."
"Failure is not an end state unless it is where you choose to stop. He loved to quote that line by Churchill whenever something didn't work out for me, Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm."
"Honesty is the most powerful tool you can use to define yourself. Admit your mistake, frankly and honestly. The truth always comes out in the end no matter how big or small and it doesn't get better with age. You can give back something you steal, and you can help those you hurt but once they brand you a liar, it's all you will ever be."
Be QuietGolden Girls Rose GIF by TV LandGiphy
"Unless you don't mind hearing EEEEEEEEEEEE like all the time day and night, use hearing protection in loud situations. Tinnitus is a bi*ch."
Take care of your ears.
One of life's greatest lessons!!!
Live by the Moonbart simpson maggie GIFGiphy
"I just had a quick look at my 50-year-old upper chest, frequently exposed to the sun in my youth, and compared it to my 50-year-old belly, which has always been clothed and covered (I have never liked two-piece swimsuits). What a difference!"
"Take a genuine interest in what other people have to say, ask them follow-up questions about their passions in life. Don’t just talk about yourself, or wait for your turn to talk. That’s how you have a conversation, and build a relationship."
"Sometimes you gotta be careful with that. Pay attention if the other person is doing that too, it's important for you to share about your life. It can be kind of lonely when you know so much about your friends, but they don't know about you."
Practice makes Perfect
"Every skill takes determined practice to master. I see my young friends/relatives try and give up on so many things because 'they weren't very good at it.' If you keep doing that, you'll never be very good at anything."
"I love cooking - and find it easy and relaxing. I have hit a point where I can make several dishes that I can honestly say are far superior to what I could get at a restaurant. I love delighting my family and friends with what I cook."
"But the truth is - I've prepared thousands of dishes. I've practiced for 40+ years. I have f**ked up every single type of food there is at least once. I've burnt things. I've undercooked chicken. I failed to emulsify things that should have been emulsified. I forgot to set the timer. I've added too much salt. I chopped when I should have torn. I did all of the wrong things at some point. And because of all of these things, I can walk into any kitchen and make something delicious."
"I’d say invest in your health by regularly exercising. My wife got me into running when we were in our twenties, and it has been a big part of our lives ever since (I’m 63). Nothing crazy, no marathons, we don’t time ourselves or follow a strict training plan, we just pick a route, go at our own pace, and have fun. We still go 3-4 miles, 3-4x per week."
"I also started working out at the gym 3x a week with free weights in my 30s, and have been doing it ever since. I’m no Schwarzenegger, believe me, but I can still work around the house, move furniture, shovel snow and have fun tossing a ball around with the kids without injuring or exhausting myself. Between aerobic fitness and weights, I’ve been able to stay remarkably healthy my entire adult life, knock on wood. It’s also been great for my mental health and managing stress."
"You don’t have to go nuts and set unreasonably strict requirements for exercise goals or diet that a normal person can’t possibly maintain - just do the best you can, make exercising a few times per week a habit, eat a reasonable diet (avoid fried stuff, eat fruit and veggies, lay off the sweets), and 40 years later you’ll really thank yourself, believe me!"
Plan AheadMake It Rain Money GIF by yvngswagGiphy
"Debt can really ruin your life. If you want to take on a lot of it, make sure you have a good plan and run it by a lot of smart people first."
Debt. Everyone should learn about avoiding debt as early as possible.
This whole list should be taught in Universities.
It's amazing to think how, as times change, so do the quality of products.
But this also includes items that were once considered commonplace that are now seen as vintage or even luxury.
For those who were around at the time when an item was first introduced, it can be surprising to see how the availability of that item changes over time, and even frustrating when it becomes increasingly expensive.
Redditor zombiem00se asked:
"What was normal 20 or 30 years ago, but is considered a luxury now?"
"New furniture made out of real wood."
"It's legit why I started woodworking. Even my s**tty projects that I'm unhappy with are infinitely better than the junk in stores."
"I hate that everything is a subscription now. I miss being able to just straight up buy Microsoft Office. Now you need a subscription."
"There's a hidden way to buy a license, but it has very basic functionality and limited apps, so it's kinda useless."
"Even my printer needs a d**n subscription to use the ink that came with it (which I hadn't realized or I wouldn't have bought it)."
"The days of paying no more than 30% of your income in rent."
"I lived in poverty housing and this was how they determined our rent. It was 30% of mom's income, regardless of how much she was making."
"That was 20 years ago, not sure what starving kids do today."
"Not being expected to be reachable 24/7."
"Yes, f**k this. I hate being bothered about work when I'm off work. I used to have a boss that expected me to answer when I wasn't at work so he would b***h and moan about it. Then I became known as the one who never answers."
"Concert Ticket prices."
"Sure does seem like ticket prices went from $50 to $200 really f**king fast."
"Household products that didn't break within the first few years of use. My grandma had the same fridge from 1993 for a good while before deciding to switch to a newer, bigger option two years ago. Yes, it broke within those two years. My mom's wedding cookware is still going strong 25 years later, but whenever she needs new pans, they start flaking Teflon into the food within a few months."
"Retirement plan built-in to your job."
"Or just retiring in general, lol (laughing out loud)."
"Farmer's markets. You used to be able to go down and get fruit and vegetables cheaper than the grocery store. Now it seems like they charge three times more than stores do."
"Being able to get things repaired instead of buying new."
Right to Privacy
"Privacy used to be implicit. It was just there. You didn't have to think about it."
"Now it's explicit. You have to seek it out and take steps to ensure it remains in force."
The Good Ole Days
"Being left the f**k alone."
"Buying something and just like, owning it."
"Playing a video game without an internet connection."
"Not having to provide your email address for every single f**king thing you do."
"I still miss the days of just putting a game in, turning it on and you go right into playing it. The game alone was the sole focus and purpose of the console. The GameCube is the last system I remember playing that had this."
Bins of Photo Albums Under the Bed
"Photographs on actual photographic paper. I know it's still possible but oh so rare."
"Good quality fabric in clothing. I have clothes from the 90s (and 80s from my mother) that still hold up today. These days, I'm lucky if my shirt isn't saggy and misshapen within a year."
FriYay and TGIF
"Being able to go out every Friday after work and being able to afford it."
We're always moving forward and looking forward to future advancements, but sometimes, it's nice to look back on where we've been and what we miss about the old days. Sometimes, it may even be a little sad to think of what's not available anymore, but at least we got to experience it.
Dating can be pretty fun, but like anything else, there are going to be some bad or weird dates.
But sometimes the person we think we're really into will do something so repulsive, we know instantly that relationship is over.
Redditor th3dankmemer asked:
"Redditors, have you ever gotten the 'ick' from a potential partner or love interest that instantly killed your attraction to them?"
"If so, what happened?"
Uninterested in Them
"We were talking about our interests, and after I listened to him blab about his ''lawn-scaping business,' I went to talk about my interests. He interrupted me to say, 'Wow, you really have nothing interesting to say, do you?'"
"I went out with a guy who would not stop grilling me, and I couldn't get him to actually answer any questions about himself."
"I finally just said, 'Look, it's cool that you're so interested in getting to know me, but I'd like to hear about you too. What do you do in your free time?'"
"He sat there and stared for a bit then started listing off TV shows, asking if I'd seen them."
"I had not."
"Finally, he got to 'The Wire,' which I'd seen a few episodes of, and because that was the only one I had any experience with, apparently that meant I needed a 20-minute monologue about what the show was about. I literally checked the clock when he started, and it was a full 20 minutes."
"When he finally petered out, we just sat in silence for a second before he stood up, shook my hand, and left without another word."
No Personal Space
"He grabbed me by the face on the first date, 'stroked' under my eyes, and said, 'You need to take better care of yourself.'"
"Sir, I’m a divorced 37-year-old woman with kids, and those under-eye circles were passed down from my grandmother. They’re family heirlooms."
"And get your hands off my face. We just met, and this is not a Nicholas Sparks movie."
"Literally every single problem she had was someone else’s fault. Even when there was proof it was her fault, she would argue nonstop that it was someone else’s."
"She got in a car wreck and called insurance over and over again to tell them that it was the other person’s fault. They checked the computer in her car because it saved the speed she was going right before the wreck. It told them everything they needed to know, and she STILL denied it."
"He bullied someone in front of me. Instant disgust."
Absolute Nose Blindness
"I had a guy once whose car smelled so bad, I had to try not to throw up while sticking my head out the window."
"He couldn't smell it. I thought I was going to die."
"It turns out he forgot about a double cheeseburger in the back of his car for over two weeks in the hot sun."
"I don't know what bothered me more. The smell or the fact that it didn't bother him."
Mom the Third Wheel
"I found out the reason he rented the house next door to his parents was so his mom would make his meals, wash his clothes, etc. He had the audacity to say, 'Let me call my mom,' when I mentioned I was a little hungry."
"She was a big enabler, and she was part of the reason I ended the relationship. I don’t need to be coached on 'how to please her baby boy.'"
The Two-Faced Partner
"She was 'best friends' with another girl who she constantly spoke s**t about when said friend wasn't around."
"Ooh, I had an ex who did that."
"She got SUPER MAD at her 'best friend' for wanting to go out for sushi a week before her birthday when she wanted sushi! It was totally on purpose just to steal her idea of getting sushi. Because you obviously couldn't go out and get sushi two weekends in a row."
"A couple of weeks later, they were best friends again. A couple of weeks after that, I got ghosted and realized I was better off."
"In college, I was seeing a girl who lived in a student residence with me but on another floor. She would always talk about how another guy, Tom, on her floor was obsessed with her and would show me texts between them. She said she only talked to him because he’s harmless and that they’re friends. I never met him."
"After a week, her ex-friend from high school pulled me aside and told me not to trust her. She said that the girl I was seeing is a notorious liar and that Tom doesn’t exist. That she added her own number in her phone as 'Tom,' would text herself, and then delete the sent messages."
"The only reason her ex-friend knew is that she saw the text message exchange happen in the reflection of a mirror when they were in the same room."
"I was close with the front desk and asked if they could look up the names from that floor. They said yes, and told me that there was no guy named Tom on her floor. I noped out of that real quick."
"My brief girlfriend bought me some hair care products before she came over because it was right by her house. In return, I said I would go grocery shopping and make her a nice dinner. I thought this to be an even exchange."
"That night I found her looking through my trash for the receipt for the groceries to make sure that the 30 dollars she spent on me was equal to the amount I spent on her dinner."
"Just to clarity, I saw her parents do this to her. It was her upbringing. She did this in every aspect of her life which gave me the ick but she did not have very good role models."
"I dated a guy who seemed chill but kept talking about social media and how people and his exes were scheming against him."
"I believed him at first until it got to a point where he thought things like a photo someone put up was an indicator that they were ‘getting him back’ when these people were literally just doing normal things and posting normal stuff."
"I think he was schizophrenic, but it was really unsettling. Months later, he rang me out of the blue to ask me about a link between his ex, myself, and a friend. The link was butterflies, and because of this link, he thought we were conspiring against him."
"He kept making assumptions about me on the first date, like 'I suppose someone like you...' or, 'A girl like you wouldn't understand...'"
"I am literally right here, ask me. Don't tell me what my life is or is like."
"Anyway, eventually I got up and left. They messaged me and asked what my problem was, so I wrote back something to the effect of, 'A boy like you wouldn't understand even if I told you.'"
"I realized he was faking seizures our entire relationship to get out of helping me do chores or cook meals."
"We dated for less than a year. I found out from his friends and family he never had a seizure in front of them."
"I came home one night after working a double, and I asked him to please try to make dinner."
"The next night, I found him asleep and woke him up to let him know I was home and where was dinner?"
"He said he had a seizure. This caused an argument where he admitted he faked it. He said his seizures were caused by flashing lights."
"I took him to countless doctors and no one could replicate what I saw all the time. After he admitted it, it finally clicked. He’d been faking it the whole time."
Weirder and Weirder
"I went on a date with a guy I met at a party. He made me prove that I liked 'Lord of the Rings' by answering who said what when he quoted someone."
"He pulled out a notebook of really poorly drawn anime characters and asked me if he could draw me."
"He was a lot shorter than me and asked if it bothered me. I said no, then he said, 'Good, I like Amazonian goddesses.'"
"He kept trying to put his jewelry onto me despite my protests. He asked what I wanted to order for food, and then ignored me and ordered me something else and got frustrated I didn't eat it all."
"He referenced being arrested, made me guess what for, and when I refused to guess for not knowing him well enough, he said GBH (Grievous Bodily Harm)."
"He was a trainee doctor and asked if I'd ever broken any bones. When I replied yes, he said that he was going to look up my X-rays."
"And the icing on the cake... When I wanted to leave, he got my knee-high boots, slipped them onto my feet, zipped them up, and said, 'You should always be treated like a goddess... My Morticia Addams.'"
"ALL ONE DATE."
Saving Marriages One Story at a Time
"This thread is saving my marriage."
"My parents love to say that after going out in public, there’s no one else they’d rather go home with."
We've all met some unusual people in our lives, but it's especially strange when we're dating them and make unexpected discoveries about them.
At least a relationship doesn't have to last forever unless it's meant to.
This November, Puerto Ricans can vote on one of three options–including becoming the 51st state in the U.S.
The U.S. House of Representatives introduced the Puerto Rico Status Act last December.
The bill would grant the island commonwealth either U.S. statehood, independence, or independence while retaining some U.S. affiliations.
"Americans, how do you feel about Puerto Rico possibly becoming the 51st state?"
People weighed in with their thoughts.
From A Resident's Perspective
"I'm Puerto Rican and I can tell you that support for statehood and the commonwealth is almost evenly split. Practically nobody supports independence."
"This is not a good deal for most Puerto Ricans. They also don't get the same benefits that citizens in states are entitled to despite paying federal payroll taxes for some of these benefits, like Social Security and Medicaid."
"The territory has a median household income of $21,000, so over half of households would not be required to file federal taxes anyway. Of those that would be required to file, the vast majority will be paying less than 15% of income, less with deductions. This is a pretty awful tradeoff for the (again, largely poor) residents to be ineligible for SSI and the territory receiving only a fraction of the Medicaid funding that it would as a state."
"If Puerto Rico becomes a state, it will get more congressmen and thus more influence to negotiate more subsidies from the federal government, as well as repeal some of the extractive policies the US imposes on Puerto Rico. These benefits will likely outweigh the increase in taxes."
Contrary To Popular Belief
"It’s so funny because I see mainland Puerto Ricans who are like 'independence is the only thing we want' and it’s like, you aren’t living there, why are you choosing for your people. I’m not Puerto Rican but I see this and get confused, especially because I see people in PR who don’t want independence."
How The Government Might Handle Things
"The way a Puerto Rican friend in PR has explained it to me: it’s not so much that people don’t want independence, it’s that they know their government won’t handle it well and they’ll crumble the second they get it. Obviously that’s just one Puerto Rican and he doesn’t speak for all. I just hope that they are the ones who get to choose in the end and the result is one that ends up working for everyone."
"Considering the political class we would inherit, the terrible geography, being in the direct path of so many hurricanes, losing access to a $26t economy and billions in annual stimulus, I’d say it’s a very risky bet."
"And our closest analogs are Cuba, Dominican Republic and Haiti. DR is fine, but a clear downgrade in prosperity. And Cuba/Haiti are collapsing. Puerto Ricans can see this which is why only 5% of the state legislature is pro-independence."
"I know many Puerto Ricans in Virginia or in metro Orlando making six figures and buying two-story houses. By all accounts Puerto Ricans who move to the mainland do incredibly well."
"So why would you give that access away when the alternative is Cuba or Haiti (at worst) or DR at best (which is stable, but still far poorer than Puerto Rico). The next time Hurricane Maria hits, who is going to cut us a $15 billion check? Independence is simply impractical."
People were talking numbers.
Making It Count
"My only objection is that 50 is a nice round number. Merge the Dakotas and I'm in."
The Perfect Number
"All I ask is that we find two other states to add as well. Make it 53."
"Truly a nation indivisible."
Keeping It 50
"We should stick with 50 states. And since Puerto Rico has more people than several states, we should make it a state and combine the 2 Dakota's into one state."
Some people were indifferent.
Supporting Their Decision
"As far as I can tell PR citizens are still split inside their nation about joining the union. I kinda feel like they should be on the same page first. That said, I would support them if it was a question of my support."
A Strange Situation
"Anyone born in Puerto Rico after 1952 is an American citizen. They are already technically in the union but, due to slightly more complicated reasons do not have equal representation in Congress. They aren’t a protectorate and are technically classified as a territory of the US. It’s a very strange situation to me"
"I have no strong feelings one way or the other."
Two hundred and thirty-three members of the US House of Representatives voted for statehood while 191 were opposed.
The bill providing Puerto Ricans a binding referendum awaits passage in the Senate–where at least 60 "yes" votes are required from the 100-member chamber.
A similar referendum procedure occurred in the 1950s when Hawaiians and Alaskans voted for or against U.S. statehood.