Guys listen, my man is dumb. Not unintelligent - but straight out dumb. I had a thing for him for ages and he was completely oblivious. I was a singer in a band when we met and would sing the whole set straight to him every single time. Like not even slickly at him, like I would sometimes sit right on the edge of the stage, grab his face in my hands and sing directly to him and only him. I even kissed him from the stage once. He still didn't get it. HOW DID HE NOT GET IT!?!
He laughs about it now that he can see it; mostly because I'm really not subtle. I have no poker face - and no idea how the hell he didn't catch it! Neither does he. Sometimes he'll catch me staring and just laugh and apologize for missing it for so long.
Reddit user xmobius0ne asked:
Women of reddit, what's the most obvious hint you gave to a guy that he didn't pick up on?
Women were quick to answer, and some men spoke up about hints they'd missed. I'm seriously concerned for the future of humanity, guys. Some of you are a little too oblivious; like, it can't be safe for you out here without supervision. Here are some of the more popular responses.
Floors And Belts
"That's a really nice belt. It would look better on my floor" while tugging at it and biting my lip. He looked at me totally confused before saying "Floors don't wear belts."
Must've Been A Prank
I literally wrapped my arms around him from behind and told him how cute I though the was. 5 years later we reconnected and started dating, he told me "I thought you were joking because you are too pretty to want to be with me"
Being insecure back then he convinced himself that he wasn't good enough and that it must have been a prank.
- paige120
The Discount
GiphyNot a woman but was on the other end.
Worked at Kroger, super super cutie pie comes in with some friends they grab like 3 items and go through my line. I ring up the items and ask if they have a Kroger card (discount savings card.) She said no, she doesn't have a card.
I responded "That's ok you can enter your number." she looks at me with her super cute face and said "Can I have your number?"
I literally said: "I apologize, it's policy that I can't let you use my number for the Kroger discount."
She walked out very upset and the older guy that was bagging called me a f*ckin idiot. It was at that moment I understood I was a worthless virgin.
Liquid Courage
He was my best friend and I liked him for years. I'd shyly drop hints and flirt sometimes when he was single, but was never brave enough to say anything outright. I got drunk with him alone one night and the liquid courage kicked in. I literally told him I was attracted to him and the alcohol was making me a want to be a "bad friend." He laughed and said that It was "sweet of me to say."
I thought at the time he was turning me down.
Fast forward months later and we're hanging out again with more liquid courage and I just flat out said that sexual tension was making thing weird for me and asked if we could hook up and I'd promise not to be a weirdo about it. He was shocked that I had these feels about him. I was stunned that he didn't know. Really dude?
Long story short he actually like me from day one as well and didn't think I was interested. So he happily friend zoned himself. Wtf! Now we've been married for 6 year and he still can't tell when I wanna bone without me clearly saying it. Love him.
Tangible
A girl in the dorms texted me "Come down to my place so we can do something tangible." I didn't know what tangible meant then. Needless to say, I didn't do anything tangible that night.
The Type Of Hint
I told my husband on my way out that the house sure was messy. Came back home to a messy house.
Is this not the type of hint we are talking about?
- Zer_0
Those Cheesy Pornos
Laying in bed at night with my then-best friend/now husband, I was squirming around and complaining about how hot it was. I was uncertain because he wasn't throwing out hints, so I did the next best thing and I literally tried to act out one of those cheesy pornos.
"Ohhhhh, it's sooooooo warm, let me just get topless and throw off the covers and squirm around a little, moaning and groaning, in the hopes you might catch a glimpse and jump my bones!" Kind of like that. I took off my top so I was only wearing panties and HE STILL DIDN'T GET THE HINT.
Had to literally tell him I was interested before he made a move.
Serious About The Date
GiphyHe and I had been flirting for weeks. I asked him when he was planning on taking me out on a date. He laughed it off and I moved on. Years later, we happened to be at the same bar where he admitted having a huge crush on me for years. He didn't realize I had been serious about the date until I told him.
- CozyMeg
Mega Best Friends
I hugged and told him that I liked him. He responded by asking:
"So what are we? Best friends?"
"No, more than that!"
"Mega best friends?"
I never felt the need to smack my face against the concrete hard until that very day. Welp, I still love him and still together for almost 7 years now!
- meowrii_
Play Time
We've been living together for half a year, and dating for much longer.
Just finished a video game together.
Me: "I'm gonna go play with myself in bed." I walk towards the bed room whilst keeping eye contact with him.
Him: makes an acknowledging nod and says, "I won't disturb you then." He smiles and opens up Reddit to read the front page.
- MinamiQ
Oblivious
I'm a guy, but one time a girl had to literally tell me "I'm flirting with you now" because I'm oblivious to everything.
Happy New Year
GiphyI'm the guy. After an evening in the pub a small group of us went back to her place to keep on drinking, about 2am I decide to leave and she is standing in front of me blocking the door, begging me to stay. "Sorry, I've got work tomorrow".
We ended up hooking up about a month later on new years eve when she called me a f*cking idiot.
Anti-Story
I have an anti-story of sorts..
Went to a place, met a woman, we flirted a bit. I asked "are you in any way interested in me", and her response was a shocked "no", to which I said "That's fine, I'd still like to be just friends".
She was shocked at my directness and caught off guard. But the fact of my directness interested her intensely. She and I are now together.
Please, humanity needs more direct talk and less posturing and pretense.
Booty Call
A friend had a small romance going on with a mutual friend. They'd had two dates. First one went well, and at the end she said that the only reason she wasn't inviting him back to hers was because she had a strict rule about not doing that after the first date. He didn't click that 'back to hers' = sex, and just assumed her house was messy. Second date went real well, but ended short when she found her brother was in hospital. At first he thought it was a ruse to end the date, but then she asked if he could drive her to the hospital.
So jump forward a few days and I'm out with him at a club. She messages him at about 11.30 asking what he's up to. He says out with mates, but it's a bit boring, he might head home. She says she has a nice bottle of rum but no Coke to mix it with - would he mind picking her up a bottle and bringing it over. At this point we are all giving him the pat on the back, and telling him to go get it. He is sure that she just wants a bottle of coke, and cbf going all the way out there to just turn around and come back.
She then offered to come grab him, and he asked why she didn't just grab herself a coke if she was happy to drive anyway. At this point, we are hanging bulk shit on him as he insists he doesn't think that it's a booty call. She's just hit him up at 11.30pm on a Saturday night after two dates because she wants a bottle of coke.
She ended up literally saying "what do I need to do to get you to come over and fuck me right now", at which point we were all basically on the floor laughing, and he ran to get a cab so quick I swear there was an outline of dust where we was like in a cartoon.
While waiting for him to arrive, she was messaging us to make sure we knew he was dumb as fuck and wanted to make sure we'd hung sh*t on him appropriately. We had.
(Font) Size Matters
Guy here.
We were 16(me) and 17(her) respectively. Kids, sure, but it's still a story. I had feelings for her until a few months before when I decided to give up. Kid me wasn't a persistent one.
We had a class together. She literally scribbled "I love you by the way" with like size 72 font in the notebook we've been chatting in for the whole lecture, in font 12. I guess she got a bit impatient. And it somehow missed me.
Six. Took me six freaking months to get it. I felt moronic for a year...
So, Lex, if you read this, I'm still sorry I was an idiot.
- KosViik
He was telling me about a meeting that was happening in a bar in our town every Friday, and I said I was interested and asked if he had Facebook. He said "Yes but I don't really use it."
He said he was beating himself up for this stupid answer all the way back home and I still love to tease him about it! We've been together for over a year now :)
- merme91
What Did I Smoke?
GiphyI was friends with this girl living in a different city during college. I once went to her and we talked the whole evening until the point that I had to go to catch the last train. She convinced me to stay and we both slept in her bed. She started cuddling and I asked her what she was doing. She said "nothing."
I subsequently asked her if she was trying to sleep with me. She said "no, that's why i'm laying next to you naked". I didn't pick up on the sarcasm and went "ok cool sleep well" and I turned around and went to sleep!
To this day I don't know what I smoked to miss that.
Never Have I Ever
One time, as a teenager, a girl made out with me at a party. I assumed it was a sympathy makeout session, since we had been playing "never have I ever. "
The next day she and I were hanging out with a group of friends when two random guys began talking to her and another girl in our group. At some point one of the guys asked if she had a boyfriend. She looked away from the guys, stared me directly in the eyes and said "no, I don't have a boyfriend."
At the time, my only thought was that was kind of weird
It took the rest of the summer for me to realize she was actually interested in me and wanted a more serious relationship.
We've been together for 11 years and married for 6... Just kidding - we never got together, because she was visiting for the summer and I didn't think long distance would work well. I saw her one time about two years later. She had started smoking and I had lost interest.
When we're young and naive, we tend to be optimistic as we have our whole lives ahead of us and we have to time to figure out who we are and who we want to be.
But when we're all grown up and out in the big world on our own, nothing can prepare us for the harsh realities of adulting until we experience them.
And unfortunately, life isn't always sunshine and roses the way we imagined it to be when we were much more innocent.
Curious to hear about life's many wake up calls Redditor Just_Surround_2108 asked:
"What is the adult version of finding out that Santa Claus doesn't exist?"
Life's deceptions begin slowly revealing themselves.
Caveat Emptor
"When you buy an 8-piece tupperware set, 4 of the pieces are lids."
– throwmeawaypoopy
"Same with pots and pans. What a rip off!"
– MrsMalvora
"And when you put them in the cabinet, suddenly SIX of the pieces are lids 😂"
– opheliainwaders
Value Of Friendships
"That some friends were never really your friend."
– Kangaroowrangler_02
"Also that friendships can end just like any relationship."
– ScienceUnicorn
"The best friend I'll ever have said some nasty things to me and blocked me recently. Never going to get much closure on that front."
"Not having closure is, with both friends and lovers, worse than the loss itself. I want to grow. Tell me what I need to become so this doesn't happen to me again!"
– VoxClarus
"On a related note: your co-workers are not your friends."
– tomdelfino
"I think most people seem to treat this as the default stance, but I’ve learnt you can actually make deep connections amongst coworkers, the same way you do in other stages of your life."
– immorjoe
The role of parent and child unexpectedly switches. So now what?
Who's Parenting Who
"That time period when your relationship switches and your parent looks to you for answers and advice, instead them being the one with all the answers."
– Smile_Terrible
"Not sure about that one. Dad simultaneously says I’m the smartest person he knows and I don’t know how to do anything lol."
– Puzzleheaded-Job6147
About Grieving
"When both your parents die. I am in my mid 50’s and had my mom pass on Mother’s Day ‘22. My Dad then was living with us from then, and eventually reached in-home hospice status with a sudden stage IV cancer diagnosis. He died in January of this year, and then I got laid off from my tech job and was unemployed for 10 months. Nothing takes the wonderment and positive outlook from the world than having to empty out your childhood home solo and throw everything you grew up with into a big dumpster and are left to wonder what our lives really mean."
– i_spock
Leaving Behind The House You Grew Up In
"I’m in the process of dismantling my childhood home right now. I’ve compared it to dismembering the dead body of a loved one. It’s really rough."
– HaloTightens
"my mum sold my childhood home a decade ago. i won't have to go through that."
– deathschemist
We all want to grow up when we're young. But as soon as reach reach 30, we want to slam on the breaks.
Aimlessness
"I thought I'd grow up, move out, find my footing in the grown up world and basically switch into cruise mode. Now I'm in my 40s and sh*t is confusing as f'k."
– Borsti17
"As adults, nobody knows what they're doing, we're just pretending we do."
– BeautifulMidnight-
Misconception Behind Work Integrity
"Being a hard worker and good at your job doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be rewarded for it."
– DorianOrosco
And the laziest person at work is allowed to be lazy, but the hardest worker isn’t allowed a break."
– Puzzleheaded-Job6147
We Are Our Parents
"Finding out that your parents are people, too, with weaknesses or flaws that you were blind to when you were young."
– tamammothchuk
"And the day you suddenly notice how old they are. When their mortality finally hits you."
– daggerxdarling
Living On Borrowed Time
"Yep had that day earlier this month. Was visiting for dad's 75th birthday."
"As I was leaving, out in the sunshine and fixing to get in the truck, I suddenly saw how small and frail-looking they are now. Mom hit me the hardest. She's started to shrink. They are both healthy, but Dad's just . . . worn."
"Been also doing the math lately. The math where you count up how many times you see them a year and then multiply that by how many years they have left according to the average."
"I've had enough crap and surprise losses in my life that I've long since started parting with family and friends like it might be the last time I get to see them. But that times left to see them calculation really clobbers me with my folks, and it's not even that bad yet for me. Given the ages of my grandparents when they passed I've probably still got somewhere between 150-200 visits."
"But the meter is running."
– Boudyro
I'm at the point where I'm realizing there are no handbooks on life and taking care of our parents.
When you're so used to having them there and taking care of you your whole life, nothing can prepare you for the time when that role reversal happens.
As tough as that may be, however, there's nothing more beautiful in life than returning the favor for the people who loved you unconditionally and raised you.
It's not attractive to gloat.
And there is little more obnoxious than flaunting how wealthy you are.
Particularly if you aren't even that wealthy to begin with.
Indeed, perhaps to make themselves feel more powerful and important than they actually are, many people will try and show off how much money they have in what they wear, eat, live in, and drive.
However, not everyone is so easily fooled, as those in the know can detect a charlatan when they see one.
Redditor aloe_veracity16 was eager to hear the dead giveaways that someone might not be as wealthy as they appear, leading them to ask:
"What’s a dead giveaway that someone is not actually as wealthy as they claim?"
Stating The Obvious...
"When they constantly talk about how wealthy they are."
"A genius doesn't need to tell you they are smart."
"An athlete doesn't need to tell you they are fit."
"And a rich person shouldn't need to tell you they are wealthy."- TigLyon
Attracting Unwanted Attention...
"90% of the wealthy shut the f**k about it, because they learn once they start making good money everyone wants a piece."
"Talking about it constantly = broke AF."- Vladtehwood
Simply By Doing It...
"Making the claim at all is a dead giveaway."- Starfox41
In Plain Sight...
"People who actually ARE wealthy mostly try to hide it."- Matt7738
"Living In A Material World..."
"I'm not well-versed in judging someone's wealth, but I do notice that the fake rich only look rich on social media and try their hardest to go to popular locations celebrities post."
"I know a couple of friends of friends who took out a loan just to keep up the facade that they're all in on the latest iPhones and wearables."
"They built a persona of being a rich kid, so now they have to stay the course."- anima99
Flaunt Modesty, Not Wealth...
"As a person which knows many very rich people."
"I can guarantee that not a single one of them wants to be known as rich."- CompetitivePause9033
Schitts Creek Flirt GIF by CBCGiphyWe Heard You The First Time!!!
"When they repeatedly and adamantly tell you how wealthy they are."- Famous_Bit_5119·
Experiences Over Stuff!
"I feel like actual rich people prioritize vacations/travel, buying their kids cars, paying for their kids/grandkids tuition."
"They don’t spend money on flashy or luxury stuff as much."- Klesea
Summer Time GIF by Merge MansionGiphyAll In The Editing...
"Ever notice how those jet setting influencers that post their pictures out of the airplane window are behind the wing?"
"They're in coach."
"The picture in business is where they stopped to pose on the way through."- Turbulent-Ask-2633
Pack Light...
"Private Jet pilot friend of mine said for the slightly wealthy they bring loads of luggage."
"The ultra rich bring a day bag they have enough money to buy clothes when they get there or already have clothes waiting on them."- hadmeatgotmilk
The Less Said...
"I never met a wealthy person that talks about it."
"They don't need to."- 181Eclipse·
Christina Moses Secrets GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"See The Pyramid [SCHEMES!] Along The Way..."
"They make a goofy advertisement for some book or course that 'will help you get rich too!'"
"If they were actually rich, they would be on some tropical beach engaging in whatever vices they enjoy most-not hocking some get-rich-quick scheme."- illegalopinion3
All About The Simple Things...
"My dad's entire job is managing millionaire / billionaire philanthropy accounts, so I’ve grown up surrounded by some of the wealthiest people in the country."
"And I never knew until I got older how these 'Mr. Smith' and 'Ms. Jones' people that I’d grown up hanging out with were anything above upper middle class."
"Normal clothes, modest homes, very down to earth and funny people."
"Big wealth, and especially old wealth, is quiet wealth."- Travel_and_Tea·
Anything But Proud...
"I have a family member who insists she and her husband are upper middle class."
"She isn’t."
"She’s rich (8 figures), but it hurts her in some sort of primal way to acknowledge that."
"Her adult brother is also wealthy, although not as much as his sister."
"Likely also 8 figures."
"He insists he’s blue collar and middle class."
"There’s something in their upbringing that makes them ashamed of having 'made it' financially."- strangled_spaghetti
Blue Collar Work GIF by Pudgy PenguinsGiphyPeople will try to come off as wealthier than they are for a multitude of reasons.
But just like any facade, keeping it up eventually becomes untenable.
This is why it's always most important to be grateful for the things you have, rather than flaunt what you wish you had.
Life is full of shock and surprise.
Apparently, that is part of the fun.
Who hasn't been left stunned by life events?
We always think we're immune to way too many things.
Anything and everything is possible.
It's important to be ready.
Redditor Bob_the_peasant wanted to hear about the things that have left people SHOOK, so they asked:
"What 'That can’t happen to me' thing happened to you?'"
I haven't been left that shocked that often.
I'm always expecting the worst, so I'm prepared.
But you never know.
I'm Dead
Snakes Imacelebau GIF by I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! AustraliaGiphy"A snake fell out of a tree and bit me on the head."
"ETA: I have always been more scared of snakes than anyone I know, so it’s just so ironic that this happened to me of all people."
amanitachill
Crash Into Me
"A car crashed through my kitchen last year."
aster636
"I woke up to a truck parking in my bathtub 2 weeks before Christmas a few years ago. I watched my sink roll past my bedroom door followed by a hubcap. The driver managed to cross a median, 3-lane road, up an embankment, through an iron fence and between trees. He'd been involved in an altercation nearby and was fleeing the scene."
anjie59k
Hot Air
Swinging Hot Air Balloon GIF by Red BullGiphy"My family and I were in a hot air balloon crash."
GymDoll2000
"My friend had one crash into her pool when she was a kid."
Environmental-Car481
This is why hot air balloons and skydiving are just a HELL no for me.
Always have. Always will.
Tragic
Cat No GIF by Looney TunesGiphy"My wife cheated on me with my best friend. They’re moving in together next month. I’m in a new city thousands of miles away. I found out a month ago."
Tssodie
Bad Penguin
"Everyone else’s stories are very sad so here’s something a bit lighter. I’ve mentioned this story before but I got bitten on the neck by a penguin."
"I was at an event where the local zoo had a penguin and owl sitting on tables with handlers so you could take a picture next to them. The penguin went for my glass of wine, I moved the wine, and it bit me on the neck hard enough to bruise. They removed the penguin after that. 😂."
archaeologistbarbie
All Gone
"Our house burned in a wildfire, we lost absolutely everything we owned and only salvaged a single coffee 3 cup."
"On the good side: There was a boy I crushed on all through high school. We went to summer camp together and I adored him. We ended up getting together in our 20s after reconnecting, and have now been together more than 20 years, married almost 17. We’re as madly in love as ever."
toomuchisjustenough
Good Luck
"Homelessness. It came swiftly and out of nowhere. had no savings and the landlord sold the house I was in. couldn’t afford a new place so lived in my car with my dog for a few months. ended up finding community assistance and got into an apartment."
jumbospicyslimjim
"I can’t even imagine being in that situation. Hopefully, this is just the start of things turning around for you. Sending you good energy!"
frappbarqueen
Early Michael Myers
"About 10 years ago, I was stabbed in the arm with a flathead screwdriver. It was a coworker whom I had previously gotten along well with. He had stopped taking benzos and smoking weed a few days before and was on a hair trigger. I said something sarcastic, and he just snapped."
Mr_Spaghetti_Hands
Bad Landing
Bad Day Seagull GIF by Sound FXGiphy"I was lying on the beach and a seagull flying very high took a poop and it went straight in my mouth."
Competitive_Show6205
This is why I say... "Never trust a seagull!"
They are minions of the devil.