Sex is suppose to be a very intimate, special moment that two lovers share to express their most desired, carnal, passionate and amorous feelings toward one another. That's the goal we're taught in the beginning. We're groomed to wait for that perfect person. Find them, marry them and then hit the sheets only after a union of souls. In this day and age that's probably about 5% of the population. They're out there and we're dying to know the results.
Redditor u/championofdiscord wanted to see who would be brave enough to share some intimate after "I DO" secrets by asking.... Those of you that waited until marriage to have sex, was it worth it or not? What did you learn from waiting?
The Only...
GiphyDidn't necessarily wait for marriage but my husband is the only person I've been with. It took a long time for us to get comfortable voicing what we wanted and there was a lot of awkwardness for a while. I think it makes us closer though knowing that we've only ever been with each other, but if he ever cheated i think it would be a lot more devastating for us than other couples. ValiantValchory
i think some of it is luck.
i wasn't really presented with the opportunity to have sex before i met my wife. i guess if i pursued it more heavily with other girls it might have happened, but i was also crippled by self doubt. for whatever reason, that all melted away when i started dating my now wife. i had a courage that surprised me.
we had sex before marriage although we are both religious. we are each other's first and only. we both fooled around with others before dating, but not intercourse.
i have no regrets at all. i love being with my wife, and as far as i know she is happy as well. we celebrate 15 years of marriage next year.
i think some of it is luck. i know i am very lucky that we are on the same page about so much in life, sex included. billionthtimesacharm
"sex is dirty"
I'm grateful for waiting until marriage. My wife and I have been married for half a year or so and it's been a lot of trial and error; however, our bond and our connection has really benefitted from learning together. Honestly, I grew up with this big idea of what sex was, but helping my wife out of her wedding dress to see her for the first time is a moment that I will never forget and I am grateful for.
I think religion has really done a number on sex and its "cleanliness". I am a Christian and that's why I waited; however, we tend to focus on sex is dirty and shameful and ignore the fact that God created this act to be a beautiful bonding moment for his creation. Unfortunately, the way sex has been taught in churches has made it incredibly difficult for men and women to be comfortable with the idea of sex.
Tldr, Glad I waited. Teaching "sex is dirty" and nothing else, messes people up. Natethegreat728
Absolutely!
Absolutely!
My wife and I were virgins until our wedding night. We've been married 29 years and have a wonderful sex life. We've learned together and experimented together. I think one of the great things is that since we learned with each other we don't have to worry about not being as good as a previous partner or not... measuring up in other ways. darxeid
Be Healthy.
My late wife and I waited till our wedding night for religious reasons. We never went past first base before then but we did make out quite a bit while we were dating and engaged (a lot of that time was long distance).
Of course our first time was awkward and nervous, but we both wanted each other. It didn't take long for us to develop a healthy sex life that lasted the 15 years of our marriage, and gave us 5 kids. We never had a "sex is dirty" view, but we were both taught that sex should be enjoyed only in marriage which we did.
The upside of this was that we both trusted each other reasonably well when we were apart. If both of us could keep our pants on with each other, I didn't worry about her and a male paramedic alone at the firehouse and she didn't worry about me being on the road as a pilot.
Naturally there were some issues between us like all marriages, but I don't regret anything. usmcmech
Thumbs Up!
GiphyWent great. But I think because we had a great support system that gave us realistic expectations. There was a learning curve. If I could change one thing though, it would be the birth control. Went on it a few months before the wedding and the doctor never gave me a warning about all the side effects and that I should have switched if I was feeling that horrible. scaryjokes
Late to the party.
Late to the party.
I waited. Married someone who I thought loved me but just wanted to wait for sex. Actually she just never loved me. She found who she wanted and left me with two kids... And I'm so happy. Im having fun dating and love being a dad. So probably a bad idea for most, but all in all, ok for me? Fitemylk
"throwing it away"
I didn't wait until marriage, but I waited until I found myself with someone I could see marrying. And sure enough we did end up married, so my husband is the only man I've ever been with. I would definitely say that waiting until I found someone I loved and cherished in a more mature way than I could have at a younger age was worth the wait, rather than kind of "throwing it away" for lack of better term.
Thankfully we have an absolutely stellar sex life and I feel like we are perfectly matched. However, I believe that sexual compatibility it really important and I wouldn't wait until after marriage to find out that we weren't going to be compatible. mrsjiggems2
Breaking the taboo...
Giphywaited, IMO worth it. i agree that there are some bad experiences other people have had due to waiting, but i feel like in a lot of the stories mentioned there were other issues at work as well, like serious lack of communication or honesty or something
honestly i feel like sex was so taboo for so long, but now the push is in the opposite direction, got people these days who think you need to get some before thinking about a relationship. why does it have to be extremes? cant it be less taboo to acknowledge or talk about without it losing all meaning?
do what feels comfortable and right to you in your relationship, but set real expectations as to what will happen when you choose what you do. Phache-Naim
13 year Success!!!
Was it worth it? This literally one of those ignorance is bliss situations. I got married at 22, we've been married for 13 years, now. Sure it was worth it, but I have no knowledge of the opposite so does my answer have any meaning? Does having sex after marriage make the sex or the marriage more valid? No, so it doesn't really matter.
What did I learn from waiting? I learned what I had always suspected, I really like sex. I like it a lot. 13 years! mousemorethanman
Oh Brother....
GiphyMy brother and his ex-wife did it for religious reasons. turned out she was bi maybe lesbian and either didn't admit it or realize it till she cheated on him with another girl. highrollinjz
Happy Now.
I knew a woman who married her high school sweetheart and they didn't do anything before marriage because of religious reasons.
Turns out, they didn't do anything after they were married, either, because her husband ended up feeling very ashamed about anything sexual at all, to the point that he couldn't perform. She also couldn't get any sexual gratification, because she'd had a very taboo concept of masturbation.
They were married for a little over a year before they divorced. It was really sad when she told me about it.
Luckily she's been through years of therapy now, and while she's still a virgin and kind of upset that she is (bc she doesn't like being in her mid-thirties and still a virgin), she's mostly processed the entire thing and is a lot happier now than she used to be. chengsao
I don't know.
I don't know. I have nothing else to compare it to since I've only ever been with my husband.
I would say it's nice that we are each other's "first." But with that comes a lot of trial and error. It might have been nice to have a partner with more experience than me. So I guess I learned that two virgins are probably not going to be great at sex for a while. And maybe I should have not had to much high expectations for a while. cls107
Exploration....
I just got married this summer as a virgin, and I think this is what's nice about waiting. I'm exploring and learning these things with my wife. There is a learning curve, but this way it's an adventure for us together, and I get these memories with the woman I intend to love the rest of my life as apposed to anyone else. lotrfan1991
Who Knows?
GiphyLearn from waiting? Since there was no experienced teacher, we learned a lot about communication in bed... What works... what doesn't and equally important what was 'ok'. We had to teach ourselves. Also Since neither of us had anyone that we were comparing ourselves to, there is a comfort I'm the best (and worst) they ever had. Dmonney
Their very first kiss was at the alter.
My best friend and her husband were virgins when they got married. Their very first kiss was at the alter. It turned out that she has an extremely high sex drive and he has a an issue with touching. Of course, this led to infidelity and they ended up having to go to marriage counseling and sex counseling so that he could get over his fear of intimacy. I don't approve of her cheating at all but I feel like it could have been avoided if they would have communicated and touched more before marriage.
I don't necessarily know if she would have done things differently, being deeply involved in seminary and church, I know they still wouldn't have had sex but I am fairly confident that she would have been more pressing about the intimacy issue. andshewillbe
Measured Up.
I read somewhere a lady was super shocked that her now husband had a micropenis. Not that size is the most important thing but that's a lie of omissions. differentiatedpansS
ome traditional cultures had some custom for inspecting the bodies of the people their children/grandchildren/nieces/nephews were going to marry for reasons like this (nothing necessarily weird, but you can't go on a long hunting and river-crossing excursion with your future wife's uncle without giving away some details.) theapplen
"level up"
My wife and I waited. Imo it was worth the wait, but I don't begrudge anyone for not waiting. We waited for religious reasons, though we're not Fundamentalists or militantly Christian by any stretch, so to each their own.
We had a hard time waiting, but that did make our wedding night/honeymoon a lot more exciting. It was a lot of fun figuring each other out and learning that new skill together. It felt more like a "level up" than anything else, though, and had we not waited I don't think our relationship would be any better or worse.
We also had essentially 0 expectations for what our first time would be like and didn't place any undue pressure on ourselves to perform. Because of that, our first time was great. Had we gone in with major expectations, though, I think it would have felt worse.
Overall, worth the wait for us, but maybe not for others. I can totally understand why someone would want to make sure they're sexually compatible with another before committing. Lancaster2124
Discuss Some Taboos First.
My husband and I were both virgins on our wedding night.
I don't regret waiting but I do wish there was more conversations had about sex. The first year or so in the relationship I was faking it because I thought that's just what women were supposed to do and didn't know how to express otherwise to my husband. I also didn't want to make him feel any less about himself than he does.
I did end up telling him, and we went from already limited sex to near non-existent for a few months.
We ended up having several much needed conversations about what we both need or that we don't really know how to get there.
Since then we still don't have sex as often as I'd like to, but it is much better now.
I think it's important to talk about good communication. It's something I struggle with and he struggles with and no one ever talks about. Even with friends it's a little taboo. And I get it. Sex is a private intimate thing, but at the same time, it needs to be normalized in public so that when I am in private with my husband, I don't feel so ashamed and he doesn't have to feel like he's doing something wrong. SamPamTYM
Thumbs Up!
GiphyIt was totally worth it. We grew up being really close as friends and we thought that would actually help as the relationship was non-sexual at the start. We didn't get together until after college. We waited a couple years and after a while I didn't know if it would ever happen. The engagement got rough a couple times because we would get close but then stop last second. Do you know what it's like to have what essentially amounted to tension for a good 4 years? After the marriage it was all fine though until her husband found out. ambermage
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.