I've never understood the purpose of a nude beach.
Sand is already a nuisance with clothes.
And... I'm not a fan of bodies just naked everywhere.
But I have a friend who lives for them.
They're freeing to him.
So as long as people are happy, I say to each their own.
I'll be at my pool with the fresh chlorine.
Redditor Dazzling_Atmosphere1 wanted to chat about all the things we MUST know when visiting a naked beach. They asked:
"What are some unwritten rules at a nude beach?"
I've never been to a nude beach. I've barely been to a beach. The sun is too hot and the sand too sandy. But y'all enjoy.
Yuck!
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"Don't walk up to where me and my wife are sunbathing and stand in front of her. It's not cool."
0oITo0
EVERYWHERE!!
"Sunscreen, at regular intervals, on everything."
Anthroman78
"I was an 19 year old redhead at the nude beach; let me tell you what, the penis is the least of your concerns. Tops of your feet, butt crack and your hip bones. One Eyed Willy will be just fine."
ogwoody007
"Can I emphasize on 'everything.'"
Satanspit69
Oh Sandy...
"Try not to get sand in your vagina."
blueskysiii
"Good Lord you just reminded me that me and my cringy friends in high school formed a band. The name of said band? Sand in my Vagina."
WolverineJive_Turkey
"No lie, a lady in my town who writes for the local paper is named Sandy C**ch. I don't know how she's done it."
Key-Professor-2124
Rude!
"Don't say, 'Who's your friend with the small penis?'"
johncharityspring
"My father loves to tell the story when he took me to the sauna when I was like 7 (in Germany we go naked) and I asked him, very loudly, 'why does that man have such a small penis?'"
the-chosen0ne
Behave!
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"Don't try to pick somebody's pocket."
SilentJoe1986
Don't steal. Rule #1. Why do people have or be like that?
Basics
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"Don’t do anything you already wouldn’t do at a regular beach."
Bepis_drinker_
Tented
"Don’t assume they’re horny just because it’s a nude beach. Even if you do, don’t act on it."
cantopay
"I usually go to a nude beach because it's closer and I don't mind it (people do whatever there) but there's always at least one tent trembling there so I refuse to believe that. I mean, I say tent but it's sticks holding 4 towels up. U can always see the feet under it or a head popping out. Before you ask more questions, Idk and I don't care, I'd just go to the further away and be at peace."
5amuraiDuck
Look Away
"Don't stare. That's actually good advice no matter the situation."
Aezetyr
"That is precisely why I've never gone to a nude beach because I would just stare at everyone, male or female. It baffles me that masse public nudity was once, in ancient times, considered acceptable. Edit: I DO NOT think it's wrong! It's just a culture shock and different for me. Sorry for the misunderstanding everyone!"
ShadowLancer128
Mind Yourself...
"Alright so you've got two major ones. Generally each beach has different rules, depending on the community that inhabits it; but usually they're very commonplace. Typical beach rules always apply; use sunscreen, swim safe, etc."
"Mind yourself. You're not the only one at the beach, and typically are not the only one out of their skivvies. Mind yourself and be respectful of others, and you will fit in fine."
"No sexual intercourse. You will often find people messing around in the dunes, no doubt. However, it's generally frowned upon to do so. Not to mention beach sex is only good in theory."
Rhodeo
Quiet!
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"Avoid shouting "AROOOOGA!" with your eyes popping out of your head and tongue rolling out onto the floor like a fruit roll. It's considered impolite."
proximalfunk
How can I pay?
"I was at a nude beach in Jamaica and one of the resort employees broke the rules in my opinion: he approached, and offered to sell me weed. 1) my penis is hanging in the wind - leave me alone. 2) I don’t have a wallet. 3) I don’t have viable pockets. Wtf."
potentiallyhardtruth
Kindness
"Be friendly! Seriously, at my local nude beach people bring lots of extra snacks and gear because it's a long long long walk from the snack bar to the sand, I'm sure it's done on purpose to keep the nudes in seclusion, but it means you need to really pack properly, sunscreen, food, water, a little bag for your trash."
"All of which I have shared with people and had people share with me... Sometimes total strangers. Being naked isn't inherently sexual, it's fun and freeing and can be a good lead up to sex, but masturbating, f**king on the beach, and/ or making excessive lewd comments etc is not going to get you the good kind of attention."
WitchyBabyGirl
Look Here
"Always eye to eye contact."
cynicalyak
"I have a hard time making eye contact and look around a lot anyways and I I’ll look at the persons shirt on occasion which I’m sure makes me look a little pervy anyways, I can’t imagine at a nude beach how that would go over."
tamrielsavage
"So you're not supposed to look at people's bodies. But what's the point of going to a public nude beach if you don't want people to look at your body and you don't want to look at other people's bodies?"
schapman22
Leave It
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"No animal absconding. Only leave with the crabs you came with."
J_David_Settle_1973
"As a non native speaker, but almost fluent, this post is amazing. Though I hate the fact that 90% of my friends whose English is also a second or third language, wont understand the word play. Such shame."
OgisKushas
No Proof
"No pictures."
DORFSCHLACHTER
"Well I once was on a beach in France with my parents, and my mom was taking some pics of me surfing. Then out of nowhere a man in his 60/70s comes into the sea and doesn't even try to stay out of the picture."
"It looked more like he was trying to get on the picture. It wasn't a nude beach, but you say some nude people still. So nude people weren't uncommon to see in the sea but them going wherever the camera goes."
emier06
First Timers
"I’m American. My wife’s German. First time I went to a nude beach, her whole family proceeded to play volleyball. I was fine laying there nude with them but volleyball is kinda where I drew the line. Growing up as a Mormon in Utah (not Mormon now) I had mixed thoughts on it but I’ve always been more open minded with things (hence not being Mormon now)."
"It was a little strange the first initial clothes removal but you quickly forget that and you’re just at the beach. Kids and all. As long as you’re not sexualizing it, it’s totally normal and quite liberating actually. Playing volleyball with them in the nude was a little weird tho."
noradam22
Listen
"Most of them are very similar to regular beaches. I’ve been to a couple. They can be fun. If I’m laying on the beach listening to music I don’t want 60 year old dude coming up and chatting with me. Doesn’t matter if I’m in a bikini or my tits are out."
lesbomommy
Be Mature
"Don't stare or ogle, and also don't interact with people if you don't have the decency to go nude too. A few years back my partner and I were at a nude beach, and some creepy older dude tried to talk to us- then asked us for a beer (we brought a six pack with us.) I told him we ran out, even though we definitely had a couple left."
"He was wearing full clothes, and he tried to bother a couple of other people too. Then there are the families that walk through fully clothed acting like it is some sort of freak show. Please... if you don't have the maturity to deal with it, don't show up at all."
westcoastpizzarat
Be Cool
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"It’s a nude beach, not a public orgy. Don’t be a pervert."
AndyJaeven
So keep these rules close when you find yourself naked at a beach.
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.