Stupid is as stupid does. And it’s pretty obvious when some poor, misinformed, potentially ignorant soul needs to be put in their place. Luckily, there are a lot of witty ways to do just that. We love a good euphemism.
Wanna know the best way to call out stupidity when you see it? Stay tuned.
U/lientubay asked: What's the best euphemism for telling people that they're stupid?
Get a load of these sick burns. I swear, the people of Reddit are harsh.
Call outs are a universal language.
In Russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".
We have something similar in German: "Intelligence is chasing you, but you are faster."
Be your own Easter Bunny.
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You could hide your own Easter eggs.
The great Harvey Korman had some Alzheimer's @ 2005, and he still went on a talk show. They asked him how he was doing and he said he was OK. "Now I can hide my own Easter eggs." RIP.
That’s cold.
“At this point, you can only impress me."
This reminds me of something I saw in a show recently. One character said "Would you think less of me if ____." The other character said "I could never think less of you."
I lol’d.
I think I saw this one here previously "You aren't the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don't die".
Once told this to my brother, his immediate response was "hey, please don't die".
It takes a very intelligent person to properly call out a dumb person. Weird how that works, huh?
When the bears are smarter than the tourists.
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Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.
"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."
As the park rangers in Yellowstone say- making a bear-proof trash can is very difficult due to the considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.
That’s a gross mental image.
In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella".
In German we ask God for help. "God, let there be raining brains" this sounds so weird but idk how to express it better lol.
Edit: In German it's "Gott, lass Hirn regnen".
It’s probably a bad sign when your lawyer calls you dumb.
Lawyer to client who shared detailed attorney-client privileged strategy memorandum with a whole bunch of people, including an adverse party:
Client: "Is there anything you can do to fix this?"
Attorney: "No, you've pretty much waived the privilege and now they know everything."
Client: "Is there anyway to put a positive spin on this?"
Attorney: "Well, I suppose the judge might buy that this proves that you lack the mental capacity to form specific intent."
These next ones are just plain cold, but probably very much deserved.
Meanness from a Canadian is probably well-earned.
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On a Canadian jobsite
Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.
Oof, that’s harsh.
He's so far behind he thinks he's first.
I had a keychain as a kid that said, "She who laughs last thinks slowest.”
Those are some gross socks.
Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".
"Sharp as a marshmallow" was one that went around my friend circle.
In the words of the great prophets Smash Mouth, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”. That self-burn is perhaps one of the most classic euphemisms. And I just almost misspelled “euphemism”. So I can definitely relate to that lyric.
A good way to exercise your brain? Keep thinking of creative ways to insult people. Trust me, it works like a charm
Thumper once said, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."
When it comes to applying this principle, people are complicated.
I remember I was in rehearsals for a new musical I was developing. When you spend weeks – even months – in a room creating art with other artists, the work becomes very personal to a fault.
You become protective and your bias prevents you from seeing potential flaws that can easily be addressed to make the end result better.
So when a good friend came to see the dress rehearsal and I asked his opinion of the show afterward, he said with a deadpan expression, "the costumes are stunning." When I pressed further, he said, "I love your voice."
He never answered my question about what he thought of the actual production.
Most performers would understand that to mean he thought the show was terrible but accentuated the positive to avoid hurting my feelings.
So basically, the compliment really wasn't a compliment.
Whatever the reason, many people are evasive when it comes to disclosing how they really feel.Redditor d0ct0rwh0b0y wondered:
"What are some things that sound like compliments, but are actually insults?"
You Have No Talent
"When my art teacher said great effort"
"There was a girl with mild CP in my art class in high school, and the teacher stood behind as she drew for a while and said, "Wow, your self portrait may actually turn out to be all right."
"There was a very awkward tension in the room after that..."
You're No Longer Cute
"You were so pretty as a child."
"Oof. This hit home. My mom has this 'joke' that she thinks is hilarious. Whenever we happen to see an old photo of me when I was a kid, she (without fail) will say, 'You used to be so cute... What happened?' Every time. Literally cracks herself up with it too. If I show I don't think it's funny, she'll do the arm slap thing: 'oh come on, you know I'm just joking. What happened to your sense of humor?'"
You're Fat
"There are lots of thin and pretty girls who wish they were as funny as you."
I Accept You
"No matter what people say about you, I think you're okay..."
– PGMG17
"My father always uses to say to his students, 'You know, Jimmy, it's not true what they write about you on the bathroom stalls.'"
You Lack Fashion Sense
"I love how you'll just wear anything"
"I had a friend in middle/highschool who wore anything. She loved going to goodwills and buying up weird extravagant outfits. Some looked like they were for older women in the 80's. She had one jacket that looked just like the one Grandma Yetta from The Nanny wore all the time. But the thing was, while she wore anything, she looked amazing in all of it! And her look was so out there that no one dared copy her style because it would have been too obvious."
On Second Thought...
"Anything compliment with the word 'actually' in it."
"You're actually quite pretty"
"You're actually smart!"
My Original Work Was Better
"I heard when the seventh episode of Star Wars came out, George Lucas gave a fairly backhanded compliment to the movie: 'The public will love it.'"
Handsome Dwarf
"I've had 'You're pretty good looking/handsome, for a dwarf' so many times. One person even added 'Most of you guys are pretty weird looking' as a nice little cherry on top. Thanks..."
– Usidore_
Life-Saving Lectures
"A guy gave it as a feedback to one of the professors."
"If I had only one hour left to live, I'd always choose to attend your class, as it always feels like an eternity."
– ktj_pi_
You're Undateable
"'You're so independent, It's no wonder you are still single.' — Tbh, it's not like I have a choice."
