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insults

Insults come in many forms, most of them involving swear words or similar affronts. However, there is something to be said for a truly cutting remark made without the use of such language.

Some favorites are always old Victorian slang and insults. They just hit different. Something about telling an a-hole “you sir are an unlicked cub and your wife a sausage wallet" is just more satisfying. Although we do not recommend going around insulting people, the list of swear-free insults below will certainly get a chuckle.

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Image by Engin Akyurt from Pixabay

Whether the person delivering the remark is joking or dead serious and miserable, chances are that we'll be insulted plenty of times in our lives.

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Image by salmerf from Pixabay

Stupid is as stupid does. And it’s pretty obvious when some poor, misinformed, potentially ignorant soul needs to be put in their place. Luckily, there are a lot of witty ways to do just that. We love a good euphemism.

Wanna know the best way to call out stupidity when you see it? Stay tuned.

U/lientubay asked: What's the best euphemism for telling people that they're stupid?

​Get a load of these sick burns. I swear, the people of Reddit are harsh.

Call outs are a universal language.

In Russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".

Humphr1es

We have something similar in German: "Intelligence is chasing you, but you are faster."

Tatsukishi

Be your own Easter Bunny.​

Looney Tunes Cartoon GIF Giphy

You could hide your own Easter eggs.

Bdiz78

The great Harvey Korman had some Alzheimer's @ 2005, and he still went on a talk show. They asked him how he was doing and he said he was OK. "Now I can hide my own Easter eggs." RIP.

Gas-Blaster

That’s cold.​

“At this point, you can only impress me."

Roman_Suicide_Note

This reminds me of something I saw in a show recently. One character said "Would you think less of me if ____." The other character said "I could never think less of you."

Catty_wampus

​I lol’d.

I think I saw this one here previously "You aren't the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don't die".

Soalindie

Once told this to my brother, his immediate response was "hey, please don't die".

Srakrn

It takes a very intelligent person to properly call out a dumb person. Weird how that works, huh?​

When the bears are smarter than the tourists.​

GIF by Smokey Bear Giphy

Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

BerenTheBold

As the park rangers in Yellowstone say- making a bear-proof trash can is very difficult due to the considerable overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.

Lahmmom

​That’s a gross mental image.

In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella".

GSavvage

In German we ask God for help. "God, let there be raining brains" this sounds so weird but idk how to express it better lol.

Edit: In German it's "Gott, lass Hirn regnen".

Foxpawdot

It’s probably a bad sign when your lawyer calls you dumb.

Lawyer to client who shared detailed attorney-client privileged strategy memorandum with a whole bunch of people, including an adverse party:

Client: "Is there anything you can do to fix this?"

Attorney: "No, you've pretty much waived the privilege and now they know everything."

Client: "Is there anyway to put a positive spin on this?"

Attorney: "Well, I suppose the judge might buy that this proves that you lack the mental capacity to form specific intent."

Malibulobo

These next ones are just plain cold, but probably very much deserved.​

Meanness from a Canadian is probably well-earned.

eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy

On a Canadian jobsite

Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.

StrykerSeven

Oof, that’s harsh.

He's so far behind he thinks he's first.

Perstn

I had a keychain as a kid that said, "She who laughs last thinks slowest.”

KatieSedai

Those are some gross socks.

Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".

Angrypunishment

"Sharp as a marshmallow" was one that went around my friend circle.

Rubywolf27

In the words of the great prophets Smash Mouth, “I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed”. That self-burn is perhaps one of the most classic euphemisms. And I just almost misspelled “euphemism”. So I can definitely relate to that lyric.

A good way to exercise your brain? Keep thinking of creative ways to insult people. Trust me, it works like a charm

Image by ambermb from Pixabay

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." We're supposed to believe that adage and live by it, brushing off any negative comments that may be thrown our way.

We're supposed to be so confident in our own worth that insulting commentary and critique are meaningless.

But that is simply not real life. Truthfully, things people say can really hurt. And the insults can stick with us, lingering for years as we try to feel a sense of self-worth in the face of that thorn in our side from long ago.

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Image by Engin Akyurt from Pixabay

Sometimes, you just have to say it. You're in the presence of someone wildly hard-headed, misguided, self-absorbed, or just plain arrogant. And they're just going on and on.

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