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People Share Unspoken First Date Rules Everyone Should Follow

Reddit user Quotedkarma asked: 'What's an unspoken rule on a first date?'

Two people having coffee
Photo by Chewy on Unsplash

Countless emotions arise when going on a first date.

Making this all the more difficult is that a first date is one of the few things that absolutely must be done solo, so bringing friends as backup simply isn't an option.

Leaving one to wish there was a handbook for navigating a first date successfully.

Of course, while there is no official guide, everyone has rules and beliefs about what to do and what to avoid on a first date.

From how to effortlessly bring out your best qualities, to a foolproof escape plan if your date is anything but the one you've dreamed your whole life of meeting.


Redditor Quotedkarma was curious to learn all the unofficial dos and don'ts when it comes to first dates, leading them to ask:
"What's an unspoken rule on a first date?"

EyeContact, And Not With Your Screen...

"Your phone is not part of the date."- Wonderful-Note9289

"Don't be on your phone the whole time."

"And don't talk about your ex."- HoW-LoNg-DoCtOR-YES

Think Very Carefully Before That Second Round

"Don’t drink too much."- drivethruhell

"Had a date like this."

"Within the first 90 minutes they had taken like three shots, and were on their third drink."

"I understand wanting to calm your nerves, but damn."

"The whole 'you need to play catch up LOL' isn't as cute as you think it is."

"We did not go on any other dates."- mothershipq

Drink GIFGiphy

There Is no Scent More Intoxicating Than Your Own...

"Have a shower beforehand."- Porriz

"And take it easy with the perfume/cologne."

Your date shouldn't smell you before they see you."- imnotlouise

No One Likes A Moocher...

"Don't order any extras plates to eat at home with your mom when the other is paying."- lil_wavey999

Always Be On The Same Page...

"Both should know it is a date."- mosquitohater2023

"I met a woman at an out of town festival through a friend of mine that she was hooking up with."

"She ended up taking too many shrooms and I spent an hour with her helping her to feel calmer."

"She is a traveling nurse and was going to be in my city in a few weeks so we exchange numbers and when she gets in town she asked if I want to get some sushi."

"Happy to make a new friend, we meet up, talk a lot about my friend that she’s hooking up with telling funny stories about him."

"Eventually it comes up that I’m leaving the next day for a 3 week trip to Europe with my girlfriend and she screams, 'I thought this was a f*cking date!'"

"Reeeeaaallly awkward."- redmoskeeto

Dating Wtf GIF by MaxGiphy

Be Open And Transparent...

"Not a rule but never make the other person carry the conversation."

"You're both here to make an effort and give each other the respect."

"If you both want different things then let it be said after."

"No need to hurt someone's self-respect for your ego."- Arkjump

"Be there with honest intentions and nothing else."- S-Vagus

Or At Least Be Willing To Share

"Don’t order 3 full meals."- WinkMartindale

"AND expecting him to pay for all of it."

"I mean sure if you want to take some home for your mom, you pay for that yourself."- Widowhawk·

Giphy

Be Prepared For A Lack Of Shared Interests...

"Leave the coin collection at home, wow her with that on the second date."- IronLion11·

Choose Your Activities Carefully

"Don't go to the movies or a fancy dinner on your first date if you don't already know this person."

"The movies is a place where you sit in silence for 2 hours staring straight ahead."

"That does not give you any opportunity to get to know the other person."

"A sit down dinner can be perfectly fine, but if you know within the first 10 minutes that you have no desire to spend any more time in this person's presence, you're stuck through the rest of the meal."

"First dates should always be intentionally short with an option to extend."

"Coffee, froyo, drinks, things that can turn into an hour of talking or 'would you like to grab a bite to eat?'"- baltinerdist

Get Your Emotions Under Control

"Don't excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and then accidentally think about your ex while in there, have to fight back tears, and then come back to the table after way too long, with puffy red eyes."

"Whoops." - Reddit

Sad That 70S Show GIF by LaffGiphy

Just Be Open And Honest... To an Extent...

"Don't: Unload on your date about your trauma."

"Gotta keep that sh*t under wraps until at least date 5."

"Do: Be yourself, unless your whole personality teeters on your traumatic history--in that case, self-deprecating humor will suffice until you can successfully abandon all hope and sit in your car for an hour to cry afterward."-Deep-Essay-4829

A Conversation Is A Two-Way Street

"Usually when asked a question I’d answer it and then hit her with a 'what about you?'"

"To ensure that I wasn’t dominating the convo."

"Let the other person speak."- bumboclawt

... NOPE...

"Bring an egg, uncooked, in your pocket."

"Casually let it fall out at the end of the date."

"This establishes you as a breadwinner, who else has the money to just carry eggs around in their pockets?"

"When your date, inevitably, wants to know more about the egg just shrug it off."

"You're not here to brag, your egg does that for you."- wearywarrior

Broken Heart Love GIF by Share It AgainGiphy

If there is one rule absolutely everyone should follow when going on a first date, it's not being beholden to rules, spoken or unspoken.

After all, the best romances are often the ones which happen organically.

Love cannot be forced.

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man with girl on his shoulders

Brittani Burns on Unsplash

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woman making the shushing gesture

Bjorn Pierre on Unsplash

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Yeah, good luck with that.

Let's get real—there are things we don't tell our partners for a lot of reasons.

Sometimes you just don't feel like having to explain something that doesn't really affect them.

Sometimes you're protecting them from something that will have a devastating effect on them.

These are probably going to be more that second one...

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We all have that moment where someone we know says something so completely absurd, the only response we think of is 'WTF is wrong with you?'

Sometimes, it's something woefully inaccurate that you can't wrap your head around the fact that someone believes that.

Othertimes, it's something completely offensive and you regret your association with that person.

My college roommate was a girl I knew from my high school. I didn't know her too well, but we had some big things in common, so I figured it'd be fun to live with her.

This girl was half-Korean and talked a lot about racist people. At first, I let her rant, figuring maybe she or someone in her family faced some racism. I faced some myself, and I agreed with most of the things she said about racists. Eventually, however, I realized she was equating the word 'racist' with the word 'white.'

I spoke to her once, telling her she can't use 'racist' and 'white' interchangeably. She agreed to stop doing that, but within a few days, she started doing it again. She was a very bright girl, so I was a little concerned about this, especially since her own dad was white and was possibly the nicest man in the world. Not to mention, this made her and her siblings half-white too. Did that mean they were all half-racist?

I stuck by her for a while, but when she started saying things about what she wanted to do to racist people (once again using the word 'white' instead of 'racist'), I realized I couldn't be around her anymore. She couldn't talk about anything else after a while, and every time she spoke, I wanted to say, 'WTF is wrong with you?'

We did not room together the next year.

Redditors have stories similar to mine (and some even crazier), and they are eager to share.

It all started when a Redditorasked:

"What did the person do/say that made you go "what the f**k is wrong with you?"

How To End A Friendship

"In college I used to kill time between classes hanging out with a guy who was from the same redneck county as myself. We didn’t really have much else in common, but he was nice enough and seemed eager to socialize so I figured why not. I wasn’t overly social myself and didn’t know a whole lot of people."

"One day we decided to go somewhere off-campus, and he drove us. While driving, on an interstate mind you, he proceeds to show me his handgun that he kept in his truck - not in a menacing way, but in a “Ain’t that cool?” way."

"I was not immediately frightened, but I respect firearms enough to recognize we are going like 60-70mph on an interstate in daylight, and nothing good can happen in this scenario. I calmly asked him to put it away because I was not comfortable in this situation at all. He then tells me “Oh it’s not loaded” and presses the gun to his head before pulling the trigger."

"Thank f**k he was right, but still it was a wild and frightening display of reckless disregard for his own life and mine for that matter in the event that he’d accidentally killed himself while driving us. I didn’t hang out with him much after that, certainly didn’t get in a car with him."

– omjf23

"“It’s not loaded” famous last words of many an idiot."

– GloInTheDarkUnicorn

The Worst Kind Of People

"When my dad was in the nursing home, they weren't running certain expenses, like ambulance rides, through his insurance. When I took over his financials, he was tens of thousands in medical debt that shouldn't have ever been charged to him in the first place. He was in numerous collections, and his credit score was tanked."

"When I complained to the nursing home director, he said, "Well, it's not like he's going to be buying a house or a car!" Then he laughed."

"My dad was paralyzed from the waist down and needed lifelong care, so he was never going to leave the nursing home. Even though he was technically correct, I gave him the "WTF is wrong with you look." Then I complained to HIS boss and he got canned a couple a weeks later. My dad's insurance was fixed pretty quick, too."

– MNWNM

"“Sorry, what was funny about that? Could you please explain.”"

– v3n0mat3

...Seriously?

"MIL told my wife she should divorce me bc I googled whether a lasagna should be covered with foil while cooking."

– Struggle-Silent

"This is my first laugh of the thread lmao wtf."

– koreantrvp

"It actually ruined this entire trip. It was at my BIL’s wedding, which was only close family (siblings + parents) and they had the caterer make a lasagna for an evening dinner."

"Father of the bride was gonna pop it in the oven and asked if it should be covered. I googled lasagna cooking instructions and said yes it should be covered and cooked at this temp. MIL said absolutely not!"

"Me and the father of the bride kinda gave each other a look and he covered it. MIL was furious and texted my wife that I was an a hole and she should divorce me before we had kids."

– Struggle-Silent

Hostile Work Environment

"Boss at old job told the team we needed to ‘get used to a healthy level of conflict, fear and anxiety in the workplace.’ I dipped so fast after that."

– Prestigious-Energy69

"Similarly, a boss told me that I owed him my loyalty because he was paying me."

– Kylearean

How To End A Relationship

"A girl I was with while we were still together just looked at me while I was driving to her house and said.” You know I would get over you faster than you’d get over me” I was like …… Tf did you just say?"

– omega91301

"Huh. And just like that I'm over you."

– Pineapple_Spenstar

"Honestly, that would absolutely do it for me. When I was younger, I would be stupid and hurt and argue. I'm past 50 and I got no time for that nonsense."

– Terpsichorean_Wombat

There Are Other Ways To Stave Off Boredom

"I was DD for some buddies who wanted to go to a particular dance club in Baltimore. They're all hammered, it's too loud and we've been there for several hours. Casually an older woman next to me chats me up and notices my eyes are nearly crossing from boredom. I explained what I was doing there and casually (stupidly) mentioned I'm a bit bored. This psycho BITES ME on the chest! Afterward says "Well ya ain't bored now, are ya??""

– Mike7676

"Well, were you bored after that?"

– DontWannaSayMyName

"I must say, I was not!"

– Mike7676

That Goes Both Ways!

"I'm a man who works with kids, and when I started this job, I was talking to one of my old coworkers about how every once in a while I'll get weird looks for being a man working with kids and my coworker said I deserved it because some men can't be trusted with kids. I was shocked and she went on to say that I did it to myself and deserve to be questioned about it. I immediately stopped talking to her."

– Dolhedew

"What? What in the actual f**k? Doesn’t she know there are women who can’t be trusted with kids?"

– Anonymoosehead123

That Escalated Quickly

"The lady that accused my kids of cutting the line. (They hadn't, I was watching). When I went to ask her what was wrong, she told me to go back to my own country with that sh*t. (I was born in Massachusetts.)"

"The line was to pet dogs at a Renaissance Fair."

– pasafa

Everything All At Once

"While alone with a coworker, he told me that "women in the work place will lead to the decay of the fabric of society" to me. A woman. He also asked me out, got an attitude when I didn't say yes and continues to walk around with huge incel energy. He always complains that he has no one to go home to yet refuses to look at himself as a possible reason."

– Nopeferatu31

"Sounds like they should learn something from the phrase, "if you meet one a**hole, they're the a**hole. If everyone you meet is an a**hole, you're the a**hole.""

– tmpope123

Ouch!

"I told a coworker my wife had died."

"Her response: "You're one of those bald middle aged guys with a dead wife.""

"Me: "Yeah.""

– WalrusCello

"I want to think this was a wholesome thought that came out wrong. An awkward attempt at dark humor."

– ThisUsernameIsTook

*Cringing*

"Had an otherwise normal co-worker who was completely convinced windmills will cause the earth to stop spinning."

– Shadowmant

"WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!"

– Torvaun

These are all crazy 'WTF is wrong with you' stories, but that last one blew my mind in 'how is it possible people think that could be true' sort of way!

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Tekton on Unsplash

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