First dates can be awkward; ridiculously painfully awkward. In my case they've been particularly awkward because not everyone involved has always known it was a first date. Yeah. It's been cringey.
One Reddit user asked:
Waiters and waitresses, what are some signs you're serving a first date?
and that sent me down this weird rabbit hole like ... how many servers were fully aware of all the cringe that happened? Did they go back into the kitchen and talk about it? How many people now know??? After I stopped spazzing I realized that situations like watching someone get shut down, stood up, awkwardly fumble their way through first dates, etc. must all be pretty commonplace for servers. These responses totally confirmed my theory, it happens a lot and sometimes it's just as awkward (and in at least one case potentially dangerous) for the servers as it is for the people on those dates. Brace for cringe in 3...2...1...
Expect The Unexpected
The biggest sign is when they order something the other doesn't expect them to get.
"I'll have a Guinness"
"Oh you like Guinness?"
Story Time
One time I had a couple who were talking about what they had been doing the previous summer, indicating that they didn't know each other until recently. They ordered a bottle of 100$ red wine, and when I came back with the bottle the guy had started telling a gross story. He was bragging about how he was so hungover on vacation that his friends had to carry him inside the airport, where he had puked multiple times on various people/things etc.
The girl left the restaurant before she even finished her first glass of wine, and the guy stayed and drank the whole thing himself without ordering any food. The best/worst part was when he also chugged down her half finished glass before he left as well.
Lull
Weird lulls in the conversation that consists of information friends/partners should already know. Like how many siblings they have, desert island movies, etc.
Figure It Out
Staying way beyond being done with their meal and drinks, usually because they don't want to try to figure out if they're meant to be going home together or not.
Still Not Sure
On my first date with my now wife, our waiter figured it out for us.
We had been acquaintances for years through mutual friends and when we agreed to grab dinner that night, neither of us were sure if the other was in it for a date or just dinner with an acquaintance/friend. I guess we were being just awkward and giggly enough that our waiter (who had known us separately as regulars at this restaurant) blurted out "oh man, are you guys on a date?!?" We both just started laughing nervously while looking at each other and flop sweating. The waiter felt the awkwardness multiply and backed away like Homer Simpson into a hedge.
9 years later we're married, the restaurant went out of business, and I'm still not sure if it was a date or not.
Stop Talking About Your Ex
Not a server, but a former barback and one of my favorite things to do while working is to eavesdrop and try to figure out what the deal is between people having meals together. Here are some things that tell me that it is a first (or possibly second) date:
- "What do your parents do?" / "How many siblings do you have?" / "What do you do for work?"
- A surprising number of people (mostly male patrons where I work, no idea why) will ramble on about their past relationships. I've learned to use this as an indicator that they are on a first or second date. I notice it so frequently that I've been tempted to tell them to stop.
- If the couple gets quiet after disagreeing about something trivial like an opinion of a certain band or activity.
- Uncomfortably long pauses followed by something like: "It's been so cold out lately".
- crimppit
The Spilled Drink
That giddy little laugh at jokes that aren't funny. The look of new love. The awkward trying to get close but shyness overpowers and maintains a distance. Also had a few women straight up tell me, so I'd help get them out of it. One woman paid me $50 to spill a drink on her, so she'd have to leave. Lol.
Yes, I did spill the drink on her. When he was in the bathroom she prompted me for help. I agreed and didn't ask her to pay me or anything, she came back afterward and tipped because of his behavior, but let me start at the beginning.
She ordered an iced tea and I "spilled" it when I brought it. When I did, the guy went nuts on me. Up until then he seemed like a nice, polite, and totally normal guy. He was terrifying. Had me in tears. She left even faster than she originally intended. He paid after more yelling and complaining to my manager (who was in on it) then left.
She returned and tipped me the $50. Her phone was lit up with messages from him, he was quite aggressive. Totally dodged a bullet there. She and I have since become friends. She always brings first dates to my job and we have a code worked out now. Although she hasn't needed it in a while since she is currently dating a good friend of mine. They are super cute together.
We also have a note in the woman's room that explains if you order xxxx drink (changes regularly) we will help you leave without causing a scene. We have a similar note in the men's room, with completely different appetizer instead of drink (yes, men need an out now and then too).
The Employee Discount
When he leaves before the food he ordered is made. I brought it out and she asked for the bill because he left. Brutal experience. She had to pay for his drinks and food. She didn't even want to packed his dinner up to eat later. This was not a cheap restaurant but the tables were close together so it must have been mortifying. I gave her the employee discount.
- krammaii
Get A Drink
The dead give-away is the conversation; it's always about mundane stuff that people would know if they were friends, colleagues or had been on a few dates before; childhood stuff like schools and towns you lived in, vacations which were cool, first date topics.
Not ordering booze whenever the person who ordered first doesn't order booze is a good one to. If you go on a date and you want a glass of wine, beer or cocktail; freaking order one. Doesn't matter he/she just ordered a sparkling water; they are nervous too. Take the lead, get a drink.
- Alwin_
The Blind Date
When they come in and ask for tables separately, then sit across the restaurant from each other for ten minutes before realizing the other was there. (It was a blind date.)
Bartender Tales
Bartender here. I work at a cocktail bar that has a nice ambiance and gets a ton of people coming in for dates.
First dates take the longest time to order- they have the introduction/ice breaking to overcome before they even look at the menu. Then, when they get to the menu, they are often still kind of interacting with each other "what do you like? Bourbon?" And not really taking in what they're reading.
Once they finally order, I like to make their cocktails right in front of them, maybe do an extra fancy garnish, give them something to talk about!
The best dates are of course the ones who don't even notice me there, they're locked into their conversation and don't have eyes for anything else around them. They drink their drinks really slow, more likely to get another round. And they could be talking about their childhood dog or how many brothers they have. The worst trouble they got into while growing up is a topic I've heard a few times.
And then there are those dates that fizzle out. These ones drink their drinks very fast, or don't finish them. Lots of people sitting in silence, both credit cards out.
- rediov
20 Questions
When they're sitting at the bar top playing 20 questions and both are too nervous to get more than one drink and actually eat something.
- akibilko
Uber Home
When the wasted guy went to the restroom and the girl took the opportunity to ask me to cash her out as quick as I could so she could get the fuck out.
I ended up getting her an Uber home.
Manners Matter
It was how slow and carefully the guy ate his food. Gently wiped his mouth and chewed all the food before talking again. Also, not constantly on their phones.
Crushed
I waitressed at a somewhat fancy family restaurant. Our menu was in the 15-25 dollar range for entrees, and the atmosphere was very cozy. Full bar, great appetizers, and awesome desserts... Usually, first time dates would be slightly too dressed up for the atmosphere, and generally the guy would be really nervous.
I will always remember this one time a gent came in dressed up and got a table in the quieter part of the restaurant. He was very friendly and did tell me he was on his first date with his crush of 3+ years. He only got two waters on the table and was fidgeting around. Unfortunately, he waited at least two hours with no texts or calls back. I could just tell he was super crushed. He left without saying a word, but I saw him crying as he left the building.
On Alert
Its pretty easy. Their face expression is very awkward. (Most) don't have their phones out at all. If you are on a 5th or 20th date. Chances are you'll have your phone out or at least on the table. How they posture themselves is also very alert. Not a lot of comfort.
Get The Fried Pickles
I once stopped by the table while one of the parties was in the bathroom and had the girl ask me "We're on a first date, what food should I get?" And I was like whatever you want - but she was concerned about what her date would think of her food choice. she wanted fried pickles and a quesadilla but thought a salad would look better. I told her get what you want cause if a boy doesn't like that you are eating fried food he's a tool anyways.
- Shrie
So many exotic locales in the world to see... and plenty of places NOT to see.
When one travels, we have to be astute.
Do the research.
No harm in skipping where we don't need to be.
Redditor Just_Pizzy wanted everyone to share about the places to avoid when traveling, so they asked:
"What city is extremely overrated in your opinion?"
In my travels I've been very satisfied.
But tell me where to avoid.
Ouch
"Miami. A city of narcissists and attention wh*res."
_kevx_91
"I swear Miami Beach is the poser capital of the world!"
Cetophile
Value
"Scottsdale, AZ would be a close 2nd."
TWOCHOPPAS
"I’m visiting here right now, and am seriously wondering why I’m here. If I want high end, there are a million ritzy suburbs that do it better. Scottsdale is a ton of neighborhoods that all want to claim the Scottsdale name to increase the real estate values."
"But only 5% of it is actually high end Scottsdale. The whole Phoenix metro area seems like one long expanse of concrete and chain stores. The only reason I can see that Pheonix has so many urban hikes is that the rest of the city is completely unwalkable. What am I missing?"
Seachica
What is This?
"Nothing personal, but Dubai. And I'm not a city designer, but I don't think you call it a 'downtown' when there's a 12-lane highway cutting through a bunch of skyscraper walls and that's it."
GreatNameLOL69
"This city is so stupid. Instead of creating the palm island, they could have dug into the land, it still would have looked amazing, except much easier to build."
"They started from scratch with unlimited money, they could have made an awesome city with Arabic style and culture, something different. Instead they took the worse cities (from the US) as an example, and built something stupid."
Arvi89
But it has Luck...
"Dublin is a complete tourist trap. I am Irish and I see people coming to Ireland expecting the full Irish experience in Dublin, when really all the good stuff is outside the capital spread out all across the country. They head up to Temple Bar for the Irish pub experience and pay 3-4 times more for drinks than anywhere else in the country."
"The city itself is a product of British occupation, same style of city you will find up and down England with Georgian, Victorian and Edwardian architecture along with generic modern design. Look, there are historic places and nice places to eat but nothing out of the ordinary."
"If you want to see the real Ireland go to the countryside, the unique landscapes of the ring of Kerry, the Clare Burren and cliffs of Moher, the Connemara and donegal mountainous areas along with tonnes off historical locations all across the country. If you want an Irish city experience go to Galway instead."
Historical_Line7109
Not the Happy Place
"I don't know if anyone but children and retirees actually like this city, but lawd I hate Orlando."
notafanofwasps
"My best friend moved from Seattle to Orlando for financial reasons. His parents live in Orlando and had to move in with them. A year later they said f**k this and moved back. Drove cross country both times."
SubduedChaos
Orlando isn't that bad. I've had fun.
Bad Queen
"Gold Coast, Queensland. It tries to be Australia's Miami, but really, it's a tacky over-developed sh**hole."
otherpeoplesknees
"It is really bad, I loved every place I went to in Australia but the Gold coast was terrible. Reminded me of the cities in Spain where PPL only go to to get drunk at the beach (Ballermann in Palma, Benidrom, Lloret….)"
trbo91
“trendy”
"Not a fan of the 'trendy' cities like Charlotte or Nashville. A lot of younger people my age are moving there and they act like going to a mediocre brewery and spending $30 on a craft beer and tiny cut of brisket is some type of unique southern cultural experience."
"Not to mention the cities are now barely affordable for the people actually from there and every other block is full of those cookie-cutter gentrified apartments that just look bland as hell. Both cities have some cool parts to them but to me they just aren’t as special as people make them seem."
yinzerthrowaway412
Sounds with Problems
"The worst city I’ve ever been to is Oklahoma City, which is rated appropriately. No complaints on the current rating."
Shut--Up--Bird
"I have traveled to Oklahoma City a good number of times over the past six years, usually for a couple of weeks at any given time."
"Some areas of the city are okay, and I was pleasantly shocked upon the sight of a functioning streetcar service downtown. That being said, parts of OKC and its suburbs are so miserable that I almost convinced myself that Grand Theft Auto had become real life."
wheresaldopa
Off Tune
"Nashville. It’s a bunch of honky tonks and bachelorettes. It’s just a big party town now. I might be salty because I live here and remember old Nashville that was quiet and civilized, where locals could enjoy going downtown and we still had Opryland instead of a giant mall."
iwishiwereonabeach
Bad Falls
"Niagara Falls. Even if it’s poorly rated, that rating is still too high."
vanityfear
"It’s pretty cool to see once though. The area is just meh."
SparklyRoniPony
Go to Wendy's
"Vegas."
Calm-Associate-214
"I used to go there every summer for tech conferences. I always use the analogy that Vegas is a lot like KFC. It’s gross, greasy, and messy, and you wonder what possessed you to go there in the first place. 6 months later, for some inexplicable reason, you get the urge to go again. You remember what it was like the last time, but somehow you’re still drawn to it."
Ikarian
So many places in the world... NOT to go!
What destinations should we strike from our bucket list? Let us know in the comments below.
Why are men, particularly straight men, so adverse to trying new life things that go against their norm?
Like things women do.
Do men have a beauty regime?
You should.
Do you have regular mental health checks?
You should.
Do you and your friends talk about your feelings?
You REALLY should.
Men can learn so much from the daily aspects of a woman's life.
Redditor st_new34 wanted to hear about all the things men can learn from women, so they asked:
"What's a women's thing men should absolutely start doing?"
I'm interested in this list.
Aren't most things unisex now?
Smooth Surface
"As a former cook and current welder; hand lotioning."
meatlazer720
"My dad refused to use hand lotion for a while and he kept getting big cracks in his knuckles. The cold would destroy his skin. He would only put lotion on when it was basically bleeding, by which point it can’t really do much help."
PM_CACTUS_PICS
Get Checked
"Getting checked out by a specialist. There’s a reason colon cancer has a higher mortality rate among men when it’s actually one of the most preventable cancers. The thought of having a colonoscopy done makes them squirm."
Color_Wasted
"In the US you can also arrange for a Cologuard screening, where you literally just mail in your poop and get tested for certain colon cancers. It shouldn't replace regularly scheduled colonoscopies, but it can be done between them."
Puzzleworth
"Problem with cologuard is screening is 100% covered. If it the cologuard positive, you have to get a diagnostic colonoscopy which is subject to deductibles and copays. If you go with a screening colonoscopy in the first place you pay nothing."
skidoo1033
Basics
"Sewing. Sewing is awesome. I learned basic sewing to make some bow ties for my wedding and it's an extremely rewarding skill that allows you to repair clothes, save money, and it's superb meditation."
DeepStatic
"Not only repairing clothes, but basic tailoring. I learned how to do it on YouTube and it’s a game changer as a guy with broad shoulders that make every shirt fit like a trash bag."
TheFunkyMonk
Work Comfort
"Putting a blanket on your lap while you work. It's life changing."
13inchmushroommaker
"A few days ago my wife brought a whole a** double duvet into the living room because it’s winter now. I thought she was mad but it’s cozy as s**t, I’ve got the dog under here."
magicalmysteryharold
"In my house we have an assortment of couch blankets. You really need more than one because you'll want to have one on the couch while the other is in the wash."
sleepydorian
Snazzy
"Complimenting each other."
DEADINSIDE1880
"I do this with my co workers. 'Looking sharp today Phil' is all it takes to make a day."
cognitiveglitch
I love a good compliment.
Stretch
"Yoga, especially as you get older, wish I had started sooner."
needsmoreprotein
Pampered
"My husband never really did pedicures before we met and the fist time I did one for him he was in love with it. I used a scraper to get the dead skin off his heels (he calls them hooves haha) and he was horrified how much came off. He’ll even inspect my work now and say 'this toenail is a little jagged do want me to look a mess??' He likes being pampered and I’m happy to do it for him!"
Effective-Ad7068
Feels so Good
"I was trying on jeans for work the other day and I found this magical material that stretches but looks like denim. I was gushing over them and my wife laughed and said a lot of women’s jeans use that material and a lot of hers are the same. Men should discover these jeans!"
"Edit: A lot of responses are about the inferior quality. Fair enough but I work retail and am constantly squatting to fill shelves etc so I’ll take comfort over durability any day. Especially when I’ve got a bit of an a** on me, customers don’t need to be walking around the corner and catching a plumber’s crack unexpectedly!"
corny16
Feel It
"I work in a kitchen full of men and it's quite sad to listen to them tell each other that they can't cry. Or that they are not supposed to do so. I don't know who came up with this but I fight that 'concept' every chance I get. As a result, most of them feel safe to share their emotions with me. Even crying."
sem-fe
LOUDER!!
"Make noise during sex. Not even dirty talk, any words of encouragement would be enough."
jennicarrz
Well, that is a lot to process.
Men... take notes and start breaking some of these 'norms.'
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below.
The reason why some single people are unable to find love can be loosely attributed to either one of the following.
Person A might be difficult or overbearing and can potentially scare off certain people.
Or, Person B might be really picky and refuses to make compromises once they start a new relationship.
For the latter individual, it can be an idiosyncratic thing about the other person that can be enough to be a turn-off.
Curious to hear what some of these examples could be, Redditor DrDecane asked:
"What's the smallest thing that made someone unattractive for you?"
These Redditors found it challenging trying to make awkward romantic situations work.
The Silent Partner
"I once went on a date with a man who literally only spoke when responding to a question, answered as briefly and evasively as possible, and offered no reciprocating questions or remarks."
"At the end of a 45 minute struggle when we parted ways, while I was still trying to figure out why a person with such crippling social anxiety would subject himself to an interaction so far outside his ability to handle, he asked if we could see each other again sometime."
– willingisnotenough
Bad Taste
"They were a bad cook. They didn’t use SEASONINGS! It’s not an allergy thing either. They made good money too it’s not a poverty thing. Literally they liked plain chicken breast no seasonings and dry as bone. He made me a 'taco' that consisted of only unseasoned hamburger in a plain ( not even warm) taco shell 🌮. No salsa , no cheese, no cilantro.. greasy meat in a room temp shell."
"I’m not cooking 3 meals a day for 2 people for the rest of my life and I sure as sh*t ain’t eating his satanic creations."
– Winter-Ad1853
Annoying Catchphrase
"I dated a girl that had a catch phrase. I think she uses Reddit and the catch phrase is very distinct so on the off chance she sees this I won’t say it. It didn’t make a lot of sense, think if someone were to say 'If you’re there, then you’ve made it!'”
"Except she would say it in response to all sorts of random situations where it wasn’t at all appropriate. Whenever someone complimented her or me, if you talked about plans you had. Just randomly tossing it out on conversations."
"It became a turn off so quickly because I just could not wrap my head around why she said it so often. I got sick of hearing it from her. Legitimately one of the biggest reasons we broke up."
– validusrex
Some dates are just unkisseable.
Gross Deposits
"White stuff in the mouth corners."
– gardenomette
Exaggerated Masticating
"Went to dinner, they started chewing kinda loud with their mouth open. I have misophonia, so it's probably even worse for me when someone does that. Immediate no."
– Erenalianon
The Sloppy Friend
"My husband’s best friend can’t eat without getting food all over his face and making gross noises while chewing. He also is a SUPER loud drunk. And walks out of the bathroom and back to the conversation while still simultaneously zipping/buttoning his jeans and buckling his belt."
"Really sweet, funny guy and a wonderful friend to both of us. But I cannot even imagine dating him. It would probably end in murder."
– meegcabre
Food Flinger
"Jesus, I dated a guy who ate like a bird...there was food EVERYWHERE by the time the meal was done. Flinging it around somehow without me actually seeing him do it. A sneaky flinger. Picture a parakeet beak deep in a food tray filled with seeds. Just chucking the seeds. Dig, eat, fling, nope, don't like that one bite, fling over the shoulder..."
"Dude cringed when I brought out a beach towel and put it on my new couch before we started eating dinner. As I was spreading the towel, I looked him dead in the eyes and declared, 'if you damage my new, $2,500 couch, you are dead.'"
– 37-pieces-of-flair
Unsolicited texts and photos aren't always the way into one's heart.
Not The Way To Start The Morning
"He sent me selfies every morning with his good morning text."
– Witch_on_a_moped
Now What?
"Yesssssss. So awkward. Like, am I supposed to send one back? Every day?"
"We hadn’t even met in person yet."
– LeotiaBlood
It took a vacation for these Redditors to realize they were not with the kind of people they'd want to ever share a life with.
Realization During A Vacation
"On a trip to the islands. HE WAS STEALING BATHROOM TOWELS and putting all the sugar and tea packets into his bag. He was telling me to hurry and stock up as well😐 I asked him if he really planned to steal 'thousands of a** towels..' he stopped packing. This was an eye opener to me. I was turned off and we are no longer together.😎"
– Law_Yer7
Demeaning The Workers
"They went from an 11/10 to a 0/10 because they decided to berate and belittle the people who were helping us with our luggage as we got on and started our boat cruise. The rest of the trip was awkward af"
– WorstLuckChuck
At the risk of sounding shallow, years ago I briefly dated a tennis player whose winsome personality won my heart.
However, I noticed something really peculiar about him. Every time we were out walking, I noticed he had the tendency of leaning into me whenever I was on his left side while walking in tandem.
When I casually asked him about his frequent need for getting awkwardly close, he explained that his gait was affected by a condition that left him with one leg shorter than the other.
After we completed that day's rendezvous together, I subsequently ghosted him.
Okay, I fully admit my shallowness in that situation.
I'm not proud of it.
Sometimes adulting is incredibly hard, especially when we're going through a trying time or are struggling with our health or mental health.
These pieces of advice may seem simple on the surface, but especially during the hard times, they could create a meaningful change for someone.
Redditor TheSensibleTurtle asked:
"What's the best piece of advice you've ever been given?"
Firm Boundaries
"It came from Reddit, funnily enough."
"'Set limits for what you’re prepared to give, because people who take don’t have limits for how much they’re prepared to take.'"
"I’ve definitely applied it to my life. Unfortunately, there are several people I know who have yet to apply it to theirs."
- RedWestern
Lending Money
"Never lend money you can't afford to ever see again. Also, loan money with the expectation that you're never going to see it again."
- levitatingloser
Closest Company
"The single most important decision you will make in life is your partner."
- bemest
Know What You Want
"If it's not a clear yes, then it's a no."
- hiraeth_99
Not Forever
"Nothing is permanent. Jobs, relationships, good times, and bad times."
"Something I say to myself when making big decisions."
- Real_Bridge_5440
Relationship Goals
"In relationships: It's not you and your significant other against each other. It's both of you against the problem."
- MaxRptz
Time After Time
"A very rich friend of mine told me that he can buy or access almost anything at this stage of his life, except time. Make the most of every moment."
- phalangepatella
Drink Your Water
"Drink water."
"I had a friend's mom down my childhood street that insisted this was the curative agent for all that ailed you. And most of the time, she was not wrong."
"Indigestion? Water. Constipated? One tall glass of water every hour at least. Headache? Water."
"Her kid got the flu and his mom was like, 'I'm not taking him to the doctor. What are they gonna do? Tell him to drink water and eat food? I'm not paying 20 bucks and waiting an hour to hear that."
- elementaryfrequency9
Gossip Goes Both Ways
"People who gossip about others to you, gossip about you to others."
- CommunicationNo5292
Communication Is Key
"You have the right to tell someone how they make you feel."
- RockyMtnOysterCo
Be Prepared
"Never attempt to fix a plumbing problem when the hardware store is closed."
"It was from my dad. I am pretty sure that he learned it the hard way!"
- tg1024
You Are Worth More
"Your job doesn't define you."
- vander_blanc
No Self-Sacrifice
"Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm."
- Phoenix_of_Asclepius
Financial Perspective
"If you can just barely afford a house then you can’t afford it really. Something for new homeowners to bear in mind."
"Have some friends that bought a very expensive house. They used every bit of what they were able to be loaned. They now work just to be able to live in the house. Tried to tell them that if the majority of their income goes to the mortgage, then they can't afford the house."
- Effurlife13
Be Happy
“'Just do the things that make you happy and don’t do the things that don’t make you happy.'"
"From an ex-boyfriend who said this to me years ago. It’s so simple but kind of blew my anxious little self’s mind."
- Dizzy-Worldliness-20
Don't Listen to Them
"'Don’t take criticisms from someone you wouldn’t take advice from.'"
"I suffer from insecurities and have had people make some horrendous comments to me in my life. Someone once told me the above quote and it made something click in my head. From then on, things have been a h**l of a lot better."
- FluffyDaedra
While some of these tips appear resoundingly simple, they could be a real life-changer if put into practice.