...You know, sometimes, men just miss the mark. By a lot.
Expect an overabundance of facepalms while reading the following entries.
Reddit user, u/Nermal666, wanted to know what men need to keep their ears open for when they asked:
Guys, what is the most obvious hint from a girl you've missed?
*facepalm
Her: " do you have a girlfriend"
me: "no" (just typing this hurts me she was super cute)
her: "lol really that's so suprising, I don't have a boyfriend"
me: "lol"
*nutty facepalm
Giphy
A girl literally confessed her feelings directly to me and I didn't hear it cause I zoned out looking at a squirrel
*camping facepalm
I was fifteen or sixteen, camping with some friends, no parents. Met a girl, who said I could stay in her tent that night.
"No, that's ok, I already have a place to sleep"
*bathroom facepalm
When I was drunkenly flirting with a girl (I never flirt and I'm horrible with girls in general so didn't think I was getting anywhere) and asked her where the bathroom was. She said 'I'll show you' then came in with me and asked what I wanted to do.
Awfully confused I says 'well I want to have a piss, you'll have to leave'.
She said 'oh' and left
Took me about 6 months before I figured that one out
*last day of school facepalm
In 8th grade there was this blonde girl about as tall as I was. Everyday she asked for a hug from Me and I thought it was like how girls hug eachother in a friend way and that she didnt exactly see me as masculine.
Her friend told me on the last day that the girl really liked me the whole time and I just let out a loud "Ohhhhhhhhhhh" in the quiet classroom. I feel a little dumb now but now their conversation in the background made way more sense
*press play facepalm
A girl once burned me a mix CD of almost nothing but love songs. My guy friends and I held a small conference where we listened to the CD in full and tried to see if there was some hidden message there.
We came up with a solid maybe.
There were 6 of us debating this.
*cousin facepalm
I have always had a crush on this girl.
We started texting a bit fir a few months and she says "I love you". I did not reply back for two hours and she later says it was her cousin who texted. Even before she texted this she gave a lot of hints.
F-ck I still regret it
*daddy facepalm
I'mma just say. The "obvious hint" isn't a hint sometimes... I know because. Well. Mine wasn't
I met this girl in middle school and we hit it off right away. We talked all the time, we called, texted 24/7. She was cute and... honestly. Out of my league. In Highschool we had this stupid joke we started where she'd call me daddy all the time. People told me constantly after that, that she had a thing for me. I didn't think so. But people always pointed out how we hugged all the time and even held hands sometimes. So they told me to ask her out... and I did
She told me she only thinks of me as a friend, then stopped being my friend because "it's weird now"... yeah. I miss her sometimes but I honestly don't blame her. I shouldn't have said anything :(
*homework facepalm
She would stare at me constantly during class and we would even occasionally lock eyes. I just thought there was something interesting behind me even though there was only a plain wall behind me.
Then, once in Biology, we were allowed to sit next to whoever we wanted to. My best friend came over to sit next to me but couldn't because she had sat there. Then, my friend jokingly said, "Just because you want to sleep him doesn't mean you get to sit next to him instead of me."
She then replied, "I do actually." Meanwhile, my dumb self just sat there thinking about the homework I had forgotten to do. The whole lesson was filled with her 'accidentally' brushing my hand and her blushing afterwards.
Turns out, she wasn't joking and I completely missed it.
*too baked to facepalm
I was super baked hanging out with some friends, including these girls who were into me, and I asked where the bathroom was. One of the girls said she'd show me, and when we got to the bathroom, she asked if I needed any help.
I was too high to comprehend so I gave her a weird look and said "uh no..." and shut the door. As I was peeing I realized the mistake I made :(
*high school facepalm
I was in high school, and there was this girl that went out of her way to make sure I remembered her name (the orchestra and band rooms were right next to each other and she'd always come and talk to me and point out her name). After school, she'd be at my locker just waiting to talk with me.
I noticed that she would appear at my track and lacrosse practices/games. She'd also move any girls who were near me out of the way so she could constantly walk with me in the halls. I honestly thought nothing of it all.
I didn't see her until 15 years later. The day before I got married, I was driving through my hometown and saw her outside. I parked and spoke with her for a few minutes. She actually pointed out all of those things and boy did I feel stupid. She ended it all by saying that it sounds like I'm marrying a great girl and everything apparently does happen for a reason.
*texting fail facepalm
Her: Do you have girlfriend?
Me: Nope.
Her: Let me help you with that. *sends number*
Me: Thanks!
Idiot me at 18 (29 now) thought she meant I could call her whenever to have support in my loneliness. Really liked her too, so I'm still beating myself up for not getting the more than obvious hint.
*hey facepalm
She kept messaging me on facebook. Literally the start of our whole conversation was basically just her typing "hey" 50 times on 50 different days, sometimes interlaced with one word responses on my part. Her friends also kept asking what I thought about her, and I was still none the wiser.
*cheating facepalm
Yikes. I have so many of these. Here is one:
9th grade. We have seating arrangements that change every new term. I sit on the edge of a rectangular table and next to me sits a cute girl from orchestra class (We both played the violin). One day she tells me she always likes how she can talk to me. I don't know what to do so I mutter an awkward "yeah ok".
A few days later it is a new term and everybody changes seats. Everybody but me and Orchestra girl. I suspect something up so I ask her why we never moved. She gets all awkward and tells me that sitting next to me helps her grades and so she requested the teacher to keep us together. What do I do? Approach the teacher after class and tell her that I suspect Orchestra girl is cheating off of me. The teacher laughs at me and tells me not to worry.
It clicks. . . two years later. I still feel the shame.
*punch yourself in the face facepalm
So it's grade eight, were having a dance to celebrate us going to highschool. this girl I know asks me to find her a date, she says she wants a guy who's tall and has brown hair
"hmmm sounds like me"
aeveryone tells me she's trying to get me to ask her and I thought they were BS-ing me, tenth grade rolls around and apparently she had a huge crush on me...
I was punching myself for weeks afterwards.
*eventually gets it facepalm
Her: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: No...no one would date me anyway.
Her: I'd date you.
Me: Thanks, but you don't need to pity me.
Her: I would date you
Me: Thanks but...
Her: Are you free on Saturday?
Me: Surprised Pikachu face
And we're going on two years in October
*happily ever after facepalm
Me posting on Facebook: "anyone wanna go hiking this weekend?"
Cute girl: "I'll go."
After a long hike and dinner, I still didn't know I was on a date until I was dropping her off. Seriously thought we were just hiking. We're married now.
Real life contains the scariest horrors you could ask for. So aren't we all living in a horror movie, in a way? At least, these people sure freakin' were.
MisterSnowman69 asked: What was a moment in your life that felt like a horror movie scene?
In the words of the legendary Mary Vivian Pierce in the film Pink Flamingos, “Murder merely relieves tension”. I’m sure the following Redditors felt differently.
Nothing scarier than the woods at night.
Went into a real deep woods hike for only the second time in my life.
My gps broke and had to rely on my compass. Got turned around a few times because I couldn't remember the direction I came from, and it was getting dark. Lost the trail way.
But the woods are weirdly silent in the dark and alone.
It was around 2am by the time I found the trailhead.
Darn foxes.
the simpsons react GIFGiphyMy friend and I got lost late on one foggy night in the Italian countryside. There were rats all over and every once in a while we heard someone scream.
I've never been more sure I was about to get murdered than I was that night.
It was probably a red fox that was screaming.
Could've also been a lynx, but they are much rarer in Italy.
At least she wasn’t speaking in tongues.
My mom is quite the sleep talker, but it's usually pretty short and incoherent when it happens. One night as a teenager, I woke up to her scream-yelling the Hail Mary prayer (my bedroom was across the house and upstairs).
Difficult to get back to sleep after that one.
Sometimes scary sh*t ends up just being funny coincidences. Super funny. Right?
Don’t give them any ideas.
I was exploring an abandoned mental asylum and then got the scare of my life when a scary looking person inside one of the rooms was just staring at me without moving. Turns out some joker had left a cardboard cutout there.
And now I have plans this weekend... Just need to find a couple of cardboard cutouts and to break into the local abandoned asylum.
Don’t you hate when that happens?
Evil Dead Horror GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphyI was driving home on backcountry roads at midnight in heavy fog. Like can't see 10 feet in front of you thick. Suddenly I see an all-white silhouette running in front of the car. Every hair on my body stood up. I immediately think "oh god, oh f*ck, it's a f*cking woman in white, I'm gonna f*cking die"
Nope just a drunk who dove into the ditch.
Gotta love paranoia.
When I was about 12, my parents went out for dinner leaving me home alone. We lived out in the country, on a private road with only three other houses, surrounded by cow fields and wooded areas.
I went into the the kitchen and glanced out the window towards the trees and there in the fading light I could see a person walking slowly through the woods. They were wearing all black, moving slowly and appeared to pause behind trees. My heart started pounding so hard in my ears I couldn't hear anything else and I was weak and shaky from fear. I froze and just watched them. Would they come to the house? Where were they going?
This was before cell phones but I suddenly remembered my mom had left the number of the restaurant by the living room phone. Slowly, I made my way towards the living room, trying to watch this stranger in the woods.
Just as I entered the living room, all the lights in the entire house went out. By this time it was nearly dark outside. I started openly sobbing and in the dark I heard a weird boom like noise. That was it, I ran to my parents room, hid under their bed and sobbed. That's where my mom found me hours later (it felt like).
Well, turns out the stranger in the woods was a stupid cow that had busted through a fence, the lights going out was from an accident a few miles away (hit the power line) and the boom was the pilot light in the gas stove. Man, I have never been that scared in my life though!
I have a lot of questions.
A naked man who was covered in blood chased me across a park at 2 in the morning. I was totally alone. He just wanted money for a bus (????) and luckily nothing bad happened but I thought I was going to die.
But of course, the genuine horrors do exist. And they aren’t scary in a fun horror movie way, they’re actually terrifying because they can happen to anyone.
A scary few seconds.
car chase GIF by Mayans M.C.GiphyI am a "baby" in a car seat in between cousins in backseat. Dad is driving. This is in the 80s and it is my aunt's insistence that I am in this seat even though I am like 5.
A sleeping semi driver is coming over into our lane and there is a cliff on other side. Basically my dad did some amazing driving but semi blew us up. I am uninjured sitting in the seat swinging my legs while everyone is unconscious. They all wake groaning. Dad doesnt wake up.
Long story short just minor scrapes and dad has broken leg. But the crunch of metal and those few seconds/minute of being the only "alive" person was quite fear inducing.
Glad they’re all ok now.
Two days after my now boyfriend told me he liked me he fell from a zip line and broke his back. Almost died. 6 months later he got into a car wreck from a drunk driver - almost died. 6 months after that, he passed out and had to have emergency brain surgery, again, almost died. I now have severe anxiety/separation anxiety/and ptsd. That whole year was a f*cking nightmare
Edit: we're both okay now, the brain injury was almost a year ago. But TBIs take a while to heal so he still has side effects. Thankfully our relationship is still strong; he's physically getting better and I'm healing emotionally too. Lucky for him, the trauma of the injuries has caused him to forget the majority of the pain and memories of those incidents.
ALWAYS wear a helmet.
Driving home from work at 23, listening to my favorite song.
I pull up to a red light, and see this guy on a motorcycle coming up next to me in the other lane. I rolled down my window to compliment his bike when he stops. He doesn't, and runs the red light. He hits a car going at least 55mph. His motorcycle shatters apart, he goes flying, hits the hood of another car, and lands on the ground and rolls into the curb (no helmet). The car he hit with his motorcycle was totaled. I had to step over his body to talk to the police. He was still alive when they got there. I regret not holding his hand. It was just a normal day, and all of a sudden it felt like the rug was pulled from out beneath me. He was only 18.
Edit: The song was Sunny by Boney M., for those curious
What did we learn today, kids? Foxes scream like humans, shadowy figures are usually cows or drunken rednecks, and once again, PLEASE WEAR A HELMET WHEN YOU RIDE ANY KIND OF BIKE.
Scary sh*t surrounds us. But where there is horror, there are heroes. So next time you think you see a scary figure in the woods, know that Bruce Campbell is probably right around the corner
Hypocrisy is everywhere; it's like a disease. And sadly everyone does it. Some of us indulge in smaller doses than others. But some people live their life by it. Like how can you support civil servants, like police, firefighters, etc... yet try to find ways to hide money in order to not pay taxes? Tell me... I'll wait.
Manga...
Hungry Night Court GIF by LaffGiphyItalian moms that say you're too fat then say I'm making grandma cry by not finishing my pasta.
Asian moms too! Not only that if you try to not eat, they make to go containers for you. Oh, sorry I have to leave, RUNS AT LEAST HAVE SOME FRUIT.
Phonies...
Celebrities positioning themselves as champions for social justice while launching a clothing line with no comment on the labor conditions their garments are made in.
Sexy Times...
The Porn Industry
Why is prostitution considered a crime, but it becomes perfectly legal once a camera is put beside them?
I think the first amendment helps with that one. There's been many a supreme-court case about whether porn is protected speech.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...
You can get away with WAY more crap, in general, when you're attractive.
But we all kind of aspire to attractiveness and it's not like it's attractive people's fault, exactly. So what is there to be done?
So true. Money and beauty are treated like virtues and they aren't. They're luck of the draw. It probably helps you to be a better person if people assume that you are gentle and clever just by looking at your face or wallet.
KIDS
GIF by MOODMANGiphyPeople screaming at you if you don't want Kids and Kids are the greatest thing in the World and then turn around and whine how expensive they are and how annoying yadda yadda.
Yeah see... humans are a mess. And too often then not, personal conviction and dignity are just a myth, or a punchline. Double standards have always been a way of life. And many of us have begrudgingly learned to navigate.
Fashion
Fashion Model GIF by NYFW: The ShowsGiphyIf a skinny person wears something out of the ordinary, it's a fashion statement and awesome. It can even just be something like a crop top or overalls.
But God forbid a fat person wear the same thing.
Distractions
The hypocrisy hypocrisy. People love to call it out but rarely notice it on themselves and if they notice it then it's something completely different or a distraction.
That's the worst. I hate that I have to hate that. But if I don't hate it, then the hate will just continue. So, really, my hate comes from my love of an end to hate. So anyone who hates my hate hates love. And we must hate anyone who hates love!
My Morality
My own personal hypocrisy; When I was a lot less well off financially, delivering pizzas trying to get through college, I kept a cup of coins in my car. When a homeless person would approach me for spare change, I gave them the cup. Most of the time it was nearly full, so there was probably 20-30 dollars in there.
Now that I have a good salaried job, even if I've got a few bucks in my wallet, I tend to not even make eye contact anymore. I know it's awful, I know it makes me crappy, but the last 4-5 years have made me a jaded craphead towards people in general. I used to be so hopeful and I wanted to help everyone, and tried to live a life that reflected that.
Now, while my general and political morality is pretty much the same, my personal morality has gotten more grey. I'd jaded, I hate people, I assume the worst of people I used to assume the best of. I don't really care about the strangers around me like I used to, but I still expect everyone else to.
Placing Blame
Victim mentality.
It's so freaking frustrating when it becomes entrenched. "You did this, it's your fault" "you should've known to do x, its your fault" Yeah bro your problems aren't my problems and if all you do is make excuses and blame me for them, it's not going to be my fault when you don't develop as a person and accomplish your dreams. I'm sure they'll find someone to blame though.
In D.C.
Donald Trump Reaction GIF by Election 2016GiphyPoliticians work part time, are given free housing, education, and health care, and exempt from the everyday violence we experience, but refuse to lift a finger to help us.
At this points most people running for a position in the government are only in it for the benefits of being a politician and the amount of money they can embezzle. Well in my country at least.
Just speak a truth and live it. Yes, it maybe hard. But what part of life isn't? Hypocrisy is just lying. Plain and simple. And it's a sin to lie.
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