In theory, threesomes sound like a good idea and a grand ole time.
And every once and awhile, yes they can be. But eight times out of ten (I'm not admitting to that being my actual number) they all deteriorate into a mess.
The biggest issues stem from the most important rule when engaging in this kind of activity.
Rule #1 - EVERYBODY HAS TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE!
This is should be obvious, especially if two of the participants are in a relationship. I'll never understand why that rule is so overlooked.
If you're not into it, speak up now, or forever hold your peace.
Redditor u/PsghettiToes wanted to hear all the saucy deets about those times we've dabbled in the adventures of sex, by asking:
Those who've participated in a threesome gone wrong, what happened?
***WARNING THE FOLLOWING IS FOR 17 AND UP ONLY!! YOUNG EYES NEED NOT CONTINUE!!***
I've lost track of the number of tales I've been told horror stories about sexual escapades gone wrong. Threesomes are particularly dramatic. There are always lies, jealousy, and underlying deceit. It's all too juicy.
Inches and Inches
Shame Reaction GIF by Montana State University
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"A co-worker invited me to join him and his gf. He pulls out his monster member. I whip out my 4-inch Vienna sausage. It was awkward for me. She wasn't impressed either."
The Knockout!
"He stormed out of the shower because he wasn't getting enough attention. She got out and they talked in the living room. I slipped and gave myself a concussion banging my head on the tub, they had no idea. I came to after a few minutes and we had a very foggy conversation about boundaries."
- JtheGallant
Anger Issues
"MMF. The other guy and girl were exes, and the threesome was just a roundabout way to get together with each other one last time. I sat on the edge of their bed for 20 minutes while they hate-doing each other. The other guy drove, so I had to wait for them to be done. Eventually I just got my clothes back on and sat in the living room."
- Whats_In_My_Room
Whoops...
"Someone slipped and I ended up getting kneed in the face. Got a massive black eye and a concussion. Doctor wrote in my chart "sex accident?"
- flamaxblanca
"I work in a family medical practice. There are always stories. Funny because any notes become part of your legal medical file and cannot be removed. So if you change physicians, do not ask for the contents of your file when you transfer records. Well, I guess you could. Up to you. 😳".
- TinktheChi
Best Wishes?
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"He (my then boyfriend) married the other girl. They started dating a few weeks after we broke up and married after college."
- littlethrowawaybaby
See now I forget about the danger aspect. Sex can lead to tons of injury and we are never fully prepared. And honesty seems to be an afterthought. How common...
Rude!
"Me (M) with couple (MF). Partway through, other M runs out of bedroom crying. F calls him a "whiny b**ch", refuses to follow him out to console him and wants to keep going. Awkward all the way around."
"Dude! There are some things you just don't talk about in public."
- Smokin_Hashrates
"Similar experience with my ex and another couple. We were game, she was game, but he ran out crying. She wanted to carry on with us. Until he started screaming in the street."
- Wookie301
"it's not what it looks like"
"Actually posted this in the "it's not what it looks like" thread but, was having a threesome with one of my buddies and a girl. For some reason she said she had to get something. When she came back, she turned on the lights, pulled all the covers off, and took a Polaroid of me and my buddy naked on the bed with condoms on, lol."
- Yournamehere7523
Three's Company Too
"Was fine during the act. Great fun but the shame the next day was too much for us all. We are still good friends now but no threesomes and it was shaky for a while. Was about five years ago. I lived with two women (the dream for a guy, I know) and we had been friends for years and years. Since high school so about 25 years now."
"Two of us were single and the other housemate split with her bf a day before so we decided that drinks and a good night with some board games would be a good idea. So the drinks were flowing and the game ultimately turned into a game of spin the bottle (cliche, I know). Clothes came off, people kissed and before we realised it I was doing it with my housemate that had just split with her bf."
"Other housemate joined in on the sofa. We moved to the bedroom. We did it for what seemed like hours and then went to sleep as the sun was coming up. Next morning we were all very hungover and a bit mortified. We went about out day but we didn't really mention it for a few days."
"Eventually we agreed it was a silly mistake and never to speak of it again. One of the housemates moved out and we were a bit distant for a year or so. All good friends again now though, two of us are married to other people."
- NewWorlds84
Why Me?
Seth Meyers Whatever GIF by Late Night with Seth Meyers
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"I've been in FFM and MMF. Both times the other two were more into each other and pretty much left me all by myself. Stuff is rough, yo."
- nobodyelse_care
Three too many...
"I wouldn't say it was disastrous, but once I was in threesome with two guys, and one guy had a really big penis, the other one had a slightly smaller-than-average penis. Well, the less endowed guy ended up feeling really sad and insecure about his size and we ended up cutting the threesome short and spent the rest of the time consoling him to try and make him feel better."
ProductiveRaven
"secret signal"
"I was in a drunken MMFF. Ex boyfriend, his friend, my girl friend. The men decided to come up with a 'secret signal' when they wanted to switch partners. It was a loud, obnoxious bird call. Also, the next morning when I was sober, I noticed the other man was wearing a wedding band. Crap."
chut2906
Tough Times
"It was a foursome actually, with another couple. The other guy can't get a hard on and we were just making out while his girl and my boy were enjoying sex. Never met with them ever again."
ButterflyLarge6526
"It's tough out here sometimes. Little guy just won't get up, then you realize 'oh crap, I might not get an erection' then a huge wave of anxiety comes over you which in turn ruins every chance of getting hard."
col3man17
Meow
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"Was having sex with a chick and her husband was watching, then their cats got into a huge fight with each other and they had to go deal with them. Took like 10 minutes and by the end of it I was thoroughly unaroused and left soon after."
MeyoMix
Behind my back...
"When we were done I’d gone to sleep on the couch cause it was too hot with three people on the bed. My then-boyfriend had sex with the other girl and they tried to hide it from me. I only found out cause girl left her FB logged in (with the message with then-bf where they talked about hiding it from me) before she left. Writing this out it dawned on me that she could have left the message open on purpose."
code_momode
No Touch
"GF felt inadequate despite it all being her idea (she was interested in exploring her bi side) but once we all started touching each other I could feel her energy change. Got the silent treatment afterwards. every time I wanted to talk about it she just got angry We split a year later. I'll never do another one."
JimmyJTJ5
Bad Idea
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"They were actively doing meth during the session, and I was just drunk enough not to realize it was a bad idea going in. It eventually just kind of derailed and I left because the sex just slowly stopped."
jhxcb
"wild oats"
"I think we all thought it was going to be porny, since we were all early twenties and hormonal as hell. And for a while we were young, buzzed and excited enough to carry that along. Then it became kinda awkward because we were all trying to keep equal attention paid to each person/genital."
"Conscientiousness started to turn it more into cuddling and petting. Which is ok. It was sorta obvious that this was a one-time thing. Only ever saw each other a couple more times. No regrets, and since I trend more towards long-term relationships I think I got the 'wild oats' aspect of it out of my system."
Dangercakes13
Don't be Angry
"Not me, but my girlfriend has told me that she had sex with two guys that were best friends. She was dating one of the two and it was her ex's idea to have the threesome. It happened and afterwards when the best friend went to shower, she and her ex had sex again and while it was happening, he started strangling her. She found out later it he did it because he was angry that she was dong his best friend and enjoying it."
saarelaian
I had to free myself...
"My husband started using degrading language as in porn (I hate humiliation and degradation), and also he and our male friend left me tied up on the bed and went downstairs to play cards. I had to free myself, feeling devastated and abandoned."
SereniaKat
Life lesson... be adventurous and try it all. But be smart and emotionally prepared. Sex is fun but it's not a game, unless you agree to play some games. Then be game.
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Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.