"What is your 'kid walked in during sex' story?" –– This was from Redditor GertieGuss, who's asking the real questions.
Hey, look: It happens. Kids walk in. This is assuming you actually have kids and that kids don't just randomly walk in off the street. Privacy is of the utmost concern––and it gets harder to find once children become a factor––so let's do the right thing and laugh.
Kids, we apologize in advance if the sight of your parents bumping uglies shaved several years off your overall lifespan. You'll be pleased to hear that some people who are not parents decided to weigh in, too.
"I was the kid..."
I was the kid, I was in high school so not super young, I needed something from my parent's bathroom, I had no idea they were in their room having sex, I thought they were downstairs watching TV. Walked in to the scene of my naked mother on top of my naked father. I said, "yikes" and hightailed it out of the room. My mother came into my room a bit later and asked if I was okay, I said, "I will be if we never speak of this again."
"I do as I'm told."
My wife's mom is over - she decides to be nice to me, so sends her to the park with our daughter, then my wife orders me up to the bedroom and to strip and wait for her in the bed.
I do as I'm told.
Wife puts on some nice little sexy robe thing (thankfully nothing too kinky, more cute).
Proceeds to climb into the bed, and at this point just tells me to lay back and relax.
Just in the knick of time we hear footsteps running up the stairs. So she pulls back, throws a blanket over me and then curls up beside me like she's hugging me, then throws her leg up over "me" to hide my happiness.
Door opens and it's our daughter, who "had to come back for one more hug", jumps up in the bed, sees us hugging and comes in for a family hug.
It was so uncomfortable and weird and then daughter takes a long time so grandma comes up to make sure everything is okay, walks in and just stares at us and knows immediately what is going on.
Could have been much worse, but that's the one and only time before locks were put on doors.
"My son was about four..."
My son was about four the first time he walked in on my husband and I. He ran out of the room screaming, "I SAW BUTTS MOVING IN THE DARK!"
We have one of those baby monitors which connect to the phone. Naturally, when we moved our son's crib from our room to his, we started sleeping with the monitor connected all through the night. Also our bedroom became somewhat more active with him gone. One night my wife wanted to make things a bit more special, so she put on some lingerie, had some music playing and danced for me. I was half undressed with her on my lap when suddenly the loud speakers crank and make a sound like starting a Harley. As it turned the phone and with it the baby monitor were plugged into the soundsystem and our son had passed wind lout enough for monitor to pick it up and then it got amplified by the system. So naturally, I had a laughing fit and my poor wife wasn't best pleased about her farting son and his infantile father.
"I was 3..."
I was 3. Too short to get a cup from the elevated cupboards and get a drink of water. My sister wouldn't do it for me. So I disobeyed the "stay downstairs" directive, and have an image burned in my head of my parents having sex. It's been 30 years, and it's still in my brain.
Moved home to care for my mother who had a stroke and needed assistance. While there, I hooked up with a girl I'd had a crush on during high school. She was a single mother with a 3 year old daughter and lived in a mobile home with thin walls. Her kid walked in while we were banging. Girl was upset thinking I was hurting her mom. Mom took her back to bed. It was awhile before she came back, my hard on was long gone. Resumed sex, girl walks in again. Mom takes her back to bed and again takes a long time to settle her in. At that point, I needed to be home to check on my own mother so I got dressed and left. We had uninterrupted sex the next week, but the whole situation was kind of depressing.
"When I was 17..."
My whole family went up to our cottage. This included grandma and great-grandma. There was a couple in the cottage next to us who brought their niece with them. She was really cute. We ended up hitting it off, mostly because I had a car and a motorcycle (dirt bike) and was like the only person on the lake near her age. After a few days of flirting and what not, we ended up hooking up. We made out a bit on the boat, and decided to take it into the bedroom. This was at like, 4:30 in the afternoon. As we're getting frisky with one another, both buck naked, my great-grandma walks into the room, assuming I had gone in to take a nap, to let me know dinner was almost ready. Grandma saw what was going on and giggled. She then proceeded to tell us not to worry, she wouldn't tell anybody, and that she used to do the same thing all the time when she was younger. She died having never told anybody.
"Told them I'd be right out."
6 and 4 year old at the time walked in while we were having sex. Door to our bedroom was locked. However the bathroom has two doors one from the hallway one to our room and the door to our room has to be pulled pretty hard for the latch to click. Anyways 8 months pregnant with their sister and I was on top we thank God keep the blankets over us because for some reason we enjoy sweating like it's a workout. Just leaned forward immediately and asked what they needed. Juice was the answer. Told them I'd be right out. They shut the door. I hopped off, pulled down and up my nighty and went to get them juice. Husband was still ready to go when I got back. It happens. They're learning how to knock and that door was fixed pretty shortly after.
"I was staying..."
I was staying at my best friend's house when we were teenagers. His parents had a "rule" that he had to check in with them before bed. This would ostensibly stop us from underage drinking and smoking marijuana cigarettes.
Anyways, we come home all messed up and he goes to do his check in. He comes back white as a ghost and after a few minutes explains that when he opened their door he just saw his dad sexing his mom at warp factor 9.
The next morning they came downstairs while we're eating and decide to discuss it with him right in front of me. "When adults love each other they show it with physical affection" blah blah blah. I was so uncomfortable I just picked a spot on the wall to stare at and eat my Froot Loops.
"Wife and I..."
Wife and I decided to sneak off while the kids were downstairs. Middle of the day. I did the normal go down and get her off thing, then it was my turn... As I was about to mount up, my 4 year old started banging on the locked bedroom door. We both started laughing really hard. I couldn't get it up, she told me to just do it still. I told her it wasn't possible. Kid still banging on door, "MOMMY AND DADDY! WHY WON'T YOU LET ME IN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!"