I love movies.
The cinema has long been a savior of mine and has given me some of my greatest inspirations.
But being an avid film watcher has also made me quite the critic.
I can always tell when a movie is worth the money to see in theaters or wait until it's on basic cable with commercials.
Redditor fjv08kl wanted to know what is obvious about mediocre cinema by asking:
"What are some subtle 'red flags' that tell you a movie is not worth watching?"
5 Star Crap
"Critics are calling it 'laugh-out-loud funny!'"
"It's almost always garbage."
an_ineffable_plan
Giphy
Good Phrases
"If the trailer has blurbs from reviews, check to see who wrote each review. On bad movies, they will often put multiple blurbs from the same review."
Tricky4279
"And quote phrases that can easily be taken out of context. That '..laugh out loud' in the trailer was actually taken from the quote "This movie was so painfully unfunny that I didn't laugh out loud even once.""
bearlybreeding
Merits...
"Them desperately pointing out the director/producers/writers/studios better movies and productions that barely relate to the movie's themes in an attempt to lure in fans. To me it always meant the movie doesn't stand out enough to stand on its own."
Bad Blitz....
"They push the ads way too hard on TV and reddit."
LasVegasLoner147
"If a studio knows a movie is bad they will use an ad blitz to get as many people to go opening weekend as possible before the word of mouth has a chance to sink them."
jwc905
"Can't prove this empirically, but to me the logic has always been:"
"1-Larger the advertisement budget, the larger the revenue it needs to pull in to justify the cost."
"2-The larger the 'revenue requirement' the more the movie will cater to wider ranges of audiences (more people = more tickets = more revenue)."
"3-The more people that a movie must appeal to, means it must dumb things down or take less risks because you will be catering to a lower denominator overall."
"So yeah, that's kind of my thinking on it. If you don't have a target demographic or a specific genre you're really tying to nail, you instead just water the whole product down and get a typical 'blockbuster' formula movie instead."
Willster328
Too Much too Soon
"When you feel the preview showed basically the whole movie."
dklein15
"This. And also when it's obvious that the dialogue in the preview was put into the movie for the sole purpose of making the preview interesting."
pokey1984
The Raves...
"If in the commercial the people who are 'raving' about it aren't anyone reputable. Susan on Twitter said it was the best movie she saw in 2020. Susan didn't have many options in 2020, her standards were lower."
Sea_Somewhere2297
"This applies to games way too often too. 'Game of the year award!' randomasswebsite.com..."
_Bob_A_Feet_
These Conspiracy Theories Are Easy to Debunk | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
There are some bizarre conspiracy theories out there. Like Australia isn't actually real... seriously? Any conspiracy theory that requires many people to kee...The Star
"It's clearly just a 'star vehicle.' Like, all the hype is about the star's riveting new performance... but no corresponding critical praise for the story, directing, special effects, nothing."
UtopiaForest
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'Tis the Season....
"Release date. The only movies that go into wide release in January or February are:
- "Oscar bait that got limited releases in December in NY/LA to qualify for the Oscars"
- "A romance or two the Friday before Valentine's Day"
- "Crap that the distributors are assuming will bomb that they dump onto the screens in midwinter."
"Hollywood insiders even refer to the first two months of the year as 'Dumpuary.' Every so often a Dumpuary release will succeed (Get Out and Deadpool are recent examples), but by and large it's garbage they're hoping to squeeze something/anything out of."
"Late March/early April and August/September also tend to be weaker fare. If it was really good, the studios would save them for summer blockbuster season (May-July) or award-giving season (October to mid-December). There are exceptions, but again, they're exceptions."
RayAnselmo
Random
"Weirdly specific, random info dump in casual conversations between characters, especially within the first minute or two."
Sweaty_Woman
"People referring to reach other as 'sis' or 'cuz' because that's the only way they can convey their relation. Or when siblings talking to each other say 'our mom.' You both know her as Mom. You just f**king call her Mom."
thunderling
In the Toilet
"When a comedy has poop and fart jokes, outdated meme and pop culture references."
"Toilet humour is not always bad. The trick with humour is not the literality of a joke, but what layer of sincerity you believe the piece is trying to get at. For example South Park has toilet humour all over the place, and yet it can be poignant at times."
"Also I'm not sure I get the outdated argument either, referential humour is a big part of comedy in general, and there are tonnes of comedy shows that have those but still age well. I get the point, because there are easily some references that will stick out like crazy as bad writing, but those are not subtle when you see them, they're super obvious."
TatManTat
No Witnesses
"If they don't screen it for critics, you know it's going to be really bad."
crlarkin
"That's not really subtle though. That's pretty much a big flashing neon sign reading 'We know this movie sucks!'"
Tricky4279
"You know, I thought about that, but I feel like there really aren't many truly subtle clues that a movie is going to be terrible, so I went with my first thought. Even in this thread all of them are fairly obvious or don't make a ton of sense."
crlarkin
"based on a true story"
"If it’s based off of a true event that occurred less than a year prior. A fictional movie set against the backdrop of a current event is usually fine; hell, many of the greatest WWII and Vietnam movies were filmed while the war was still being fought. It's when they want to do a 'based on a true story' film before even half the facts are even known about an incident in order to cash in on it while it's still fresh in people's minds. Those films tend to be lacking in actual story and over dramatized. I'll make an exception and say Zero Dark Thirty was out a very short time after the actual event and it was actually really good in my opinion."
SteakGunsandBeers
CLEAN
"In animated movies, whenever the animation is too 'clean.' It's not ugly, but everything is just a little too smooth and a little too bright. Also if there's ever pop music playing in the background. The music's also always slightly out of date, like 6 months after its heyday."
mildlyinsecurelol90
Monsters Inc Animation GIF by Disney Pixar
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Casting Concerns
"The emphasis of who's in it over what it's about. I don't care who's in the movie half the time."
RealPokesatsu
"There's some exceptions to this. There are a few actors who are like the potatoes of the film world, not that exciting on their own, but are super versatile and somehow manage to elevate everything they are in, no matter what it is."
whutchootalkinbout
Behind the Scenes
“'By the producer of' If they can’t name someone behind the creative part of a previous film then you’ve got to wonder. Just because they had someone with a previous track record of finding money doesn’t mean much to me. Unless I know that producer is someone who gets involved more in the process. 'They always knew that ...' as the opening line is a definite sign for me that the film will be crap."
trev2234
"being yourself"
"Any recent popular songs, a narrator speaking over the trailer, a cheesy message about 'being yourself' advertised in the trailer, telling the audience instead of showing them (too much exposition), and so forth. #1 offender: Ferdinand."
abductodude
Giphy
Middle Fail
"Certain really bad movies (The Room), are so far from what we consider good, they become laughably bad, which for some reason makes people like them. Movies that are in the middle fail to meet a person's threshold for a "good movie" but aren't bad enough to be laughably bad. So they end up in this weird zone where they don't appeal to either side of the movie spectrum."
spaloof
Lady Bits
"Boobs in the first 10 minutes. I've watched a lot of really bad movies and one surprisingly common thing with them is that they have a naked woman some time early on in the movie. My theory is that they are trying to get you to stick around for the rest of the movie; 'surely,' you think to yourself, 'if there were boobs in the first ten minutes, there will be some more boobs later.' But don't be fooled. Those were the only breasts you will see."
HutSutRawlson
The signs of mediocrity abound, and sometimes they aren't that difficult to spot.
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The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
Giphy
"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Giphy
"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
Giphy
"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
Giphy
"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
