Intimacy is more than just sex - it's connection, communication and validation. So what do you do when you've been missing it and it's starting to get to you?
One Reddit user asked:
People who've been single for a long time: how do you deal with the lack of intimacy?
We're not going to lie to you - no everyone is coping well. This isn't about to be an article full of inspirational rich folk who cope with loneliness by traveling to another country and falling in love with a billionaire who was disguising themselves as a construction worker/fisherman. Sorry to all you Lifetime movie fans.
What you will find are practical tips, honesty, vulnerability, and a lot of talk about the value of wanking with love.
Troll
I call people names on the internet so I know what it's like to have social interactions with other humans...
...b*tch
fck you too b*tch!
sobs inconsolably in the corner
No f*ck you!
*sits next to you and also cries uncontrollably *
Man's Best Friend
Dog Sup GIF by MOODMAN
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Living vicariously thru the shows and music also drinking a sh*t ton, but realistically it gets really really lonely. Especially at night when u have all these thoughts and no one to tell them to, but my dog is what keeps me sane.
I don't know what I would do without him; he's my best friend.
Dogs are the best whether one is single or in a relationship.
Feels Like A Hassle
I used to be a serial monogamist. Been single for like 8 years now? I've lost track. Honestly, I'm happier being single than I ever was in a relationship.
I get the emotional intimacy that I need from friendships and these days I haven't really craved physical intimacy. I have so much that I want to do in my free time that it makes trying to fit a relationship into my life feel like a hassle.
I know and respect that everyone's needs are different, but the thought of being in a relationship plus having kids—like when would I ever sleep? Let alone have time for myself?
p.s. I love working with kids—they're the best. But dang, I love coming home to no one and being able to do what I want, when I want. Lol
Easier As An Introvert
I'm an introvert so I guess it's easier for me, all I have to do is occasionally rub one out and occasionally meditate. That keeps me happy enough sexually and mentally. Every once in a while I try to pick up a lady.
- warpus
Aspiring For Single Time Again
It's funny... I'm in a relationship now, but was single for a long time. When I was single I filled my life doing all the things I aspire to do once again now that I'm in a relationship. I just don't have the time.
- pbm9
Yeah, I've been married for 6 months now, after a long time single. I make sure to still do things I enjoy, at the same time I have to balance things to give time to wifey and my hobbies.
An Expression Of Self Love
I'm pretty introverted, so the lack of companionship doesn't bother me that much. I have a few close friends and talk to each of them about once every six weeks or so, and I interact with people from work fairly regularly. Plus I have my parents and siblings, whom I talk to often, so I really don't lack the social interaction I need. An ideal night for me is just watching YouTube / playing Switch / messing around on Reddit, so being single is kind of a nice fit.
As far as sex goes, I've found it's helpful to try to think of masturbation as a form of self-love, as opposed to just a utilitarian "crank it out" way of getting temporary relief. If you love yourself, and you try to view self-pleasure as an expression of that love, it can satisfy you on an emotional level as well as physically.
I'm not going to lie and pretend that masturbation is as good as regular sex (except in a handful of cases where it's really good), but it can be a lot more emotionally powerful than you'd think if you use it in the right way.
- Norcia
Not That Serious
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It's not that deep : people need to learn how to be alone and love themselves rather than waste all their energy on somebody who may not even be there 12 months later.
Two half people don't make a whole. You have to be happy with yourself being single if you want a relationship with another person to work. So I embrace and enjoy being single. And the few relationships I do get into don't last longer than they should.
But Here I Am
My wife died 9 years ago. We had a wonderful, dynamic, intimate relationship. I was the happiest I've ever been in my life. She seemed to feel that way too. Her family told me she had never been happier. And then she was gone.
At the urging of friends and family I tried dating a year or so after she passed. After four or so odd years of that I'd had enough. I recently ended a platonic relationship with a lady I met during that time after several years of trying, and failing, to work through her intimacy issues
That all said, the lockdown has hardened me even more. I'm comfortable alone. I've given up. I never thought things would end up this way but here I am. It used to terrify me but I'm good with it now.
- gaberax
Feeling Free
There's flashes where I feel lonely, but they're so short and infrequent that they've become really easy to weather. I think we all want that emotional connection with someone but it's no longer a requirement for me to be happy. I just throw myself into my career and hobbies now when I'm in a rut about it.
When I got out of my last relationship I just felt so free and had the ability to completely reinvent myself. I've had some chances to be in longer relationships since then but I really like just having all of my time to myself to do whatever I feel like doing. It would take a really special person for me to give up being single now, and if it never happens again, I won't regret it because I don't want to settle and be miserable.
It Varies
I'm 29 and I've been single now for 9 years, in the past couple of years I've managed to be intimate with 2 woman and it feels like its given me a new breadth of life in terms of confidence
However before that there were days or weeks I yearned for nothing more than to have someone and it was painful, the longer it got the less confidence I had, the more I judged myself, the more I looked down on myself, then there could be weeks or months that it wouldn't even cross my mind and I was content being alone
What I'm trying to say is that it varies day by day sometimes good sometimes bad, it's not really about dealing with it, it's more like you have no choice and time just keeps on passing and you just have to try to remain hopeful
That's my view anyway.
Other Types Of Love And Intimacy
I've been focused on other types of love and intimacy: New friendships, love of family, and the intimate relationships I have that are not romantic (nor physical, but they are definitely intimate).
Self love, especially. Both in terms of caring for myself by hydrating, eating, sleeping, creating... And also in terms of masturbation. It has been nice getting to know myself more in that way and it keeps my head clear. (Which helps me maintain boundaries with friends... It is easier to get distracted by physical attraction when I haven't gotten off recently.)
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The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
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"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
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"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
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Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
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A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
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A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
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Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.