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Social Butterflies Share Advice On How To Make Meaningful Friendships As An Adult

Social Butterflies Share Advice On How To Make Meaningful Friendships As An Adult

Social Butterflies Share Advice On How To Make Meaningful Friendships As An Adult

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Many children seem to have almost no problems making friends. "Oh, hi fellow person who is approximately my age and is within reasonable proximity to me, we're friends now!" and that's it. It's almost like they don't really have a criteria past that, and that's great! It means making friendships that matter tends to come easier for them. But what about us adults? One reddit user asked:

How do you actually meet new people and make meaningful connections over the age of 20?

And we were like "... ... ... actually we have no idea." and hopped right into this thread ready to screenshot and implement new ideas. Why? Because we need actual in-person friends, that's why. We love you dearly, citizens of internet, but you guys can't come out with us to try and match beta fish to the wall color of the room the fish tank is in. Wait, we might know why we have no friends...

Click next and read through while we sit and do some serious contemplation about ourselves.

Begin With The Beginners

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Join a beginner's class for something new that sounds interesting every once in a while! Best case, you make some new friends and maybe find a fun new hobby. Worst case, you still try something new and maybe get some good stories out of it.

Seriously, I took a couple fencing lessons and while it turns out fencing is totally not for me, I met some awesome people through it. And I took a cooking class where I didn't really meet anybody I clicked with, but now I know how to make crepes, so I'm calling it a win

Wardrobe Change

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I'm going to be 100% honest, when I first turned 18 I had no confidence. I had been to a bar a couple times and the extent of my knowledge was "I'll have a beer".

I'm not making this up when I say floral shirts changed that. I wore a floral shirt to the club (first time I ever went to a club) because my friend said "wear something funky so that it catches the black light nicely" so I did and instantly people came up to me and talked to me. Sometimes you don't have to directly make an effort but I guess when you do something that catches people's attention in an out-there way (positively and innocently) it helps. I found myself having conversations that I didn't start. It definitely helped me get out of my shell :)

Put It All Out There

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By going to activities you're actually interested in. Look up local meet up groups for dog walking or dungeons and dragons or tomahawk throwing... whatever your interests are and then go. If you're active in your professional field, go to happy hours or chat up coworkers at lunchtime.

Honestly, it's more about putting yourself out there than anything else. I'm naturally introverted so I understand how hard it can be; but in relationships of any kind you really do get out what you put in.

Wait, There's An OUT Of The House?

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Find someone at work you don't hate. Invite them to do something you like. See if it works out. If not, eh, try again with someone or something else. Get a gym membership, take a class in something (anything), go to a bar and go for broke on karaoke, volunteer somewhere... Common thread: you have to get out of the house, man. More than likely, you're going to have to make the first move, too. It'll be ok though.

Friend Date

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I asked a girl from work out on a friend date. We went to the movies and saw the matador. It was weird and awkward at first to do it but she's been my best friend for 13 years and we still tell people our "first date" story . I met the rest of my friends through a guy she dated, we started going to a weekly pub quiz with some of his friends. The friends loved us and kept us! They're pretty much my family I love them all so much.

Do You, Boo

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In my honest efforts over the last year to achieve this sort of stuff, the best I've come up with is to just do you. Like playing music? Buy a ukelele! Wanna be more active? Try out that climbing gym! Think you should call your mom more? You probably should!

When you do the things you love, meaningful connections will gravitate to you. People who share your passions or admire your skills. Sometimes the best was to start, is by making a meaningful connectionwith yourself.

Do Not Want

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After I leave work, I want to leave work. Unless it's obvious that my co-worker and I would get along, I will leave work at work.

A few years ago, I realized I was isolating due to my addiction and, after I cleaned up, took several chances on meeting people. All my friends from high school had moved away. All the people I knew from college were starting families and businesses and generally didn't have time for me. So, I just started fishing. I still remember the first time I tried to buddy up with some rando. He was a nice guy and I wasn't being creepy. Just continued a conversation that he started. After a while he just kind of walked away. I remember being confused and hurt, like I had just been turned down by a girl! But I just kept trying. Honestly, it's also difficult to friend randos without a similar interest or topic to bond over, in my opinion. Unless booze is involved, but you never know if the person you've "friended" is the real friend or the inebriated person. Plus, the whole sobriety thing puts a damper on that for me.

The way I finally started meeting up and hanging out with people is by joining music appreciation group. They found out I could sing and I joined a "band" for a while. I met more people through those people and now I have regular friends for the first time in my adult life.

My suggestion would be to look for groups that meet up with similar interests. Or to go to a beginners class in whatever.

The hardest lesson for me to learn (other than to be OK with being me, first) was to not be weirded out when someone doesn't want to be your friend. The thing is, someone is going to try to be your friend and you'll want nothing to do with them. That's just the way it works.

Buddies With The Bar Staff

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Moved to a new city at age 44...went to a local watering hole and became acquainted with the management, bartenders and waitstaff. Everything just fell into place after that.

Get A Better Job

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Most of my new connections are from work. But its important to note that i found a job that is similar to my hobbies, so meeting like minded people was easy.

Follow Your Interests

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How I've met new people outside of college:

  • Gaming tournaments
  • DnD games
  • Tech talks
  • Language classes
  • Friends of friends

Basically stuff that I'm interested in, and activities where you would keep meeting the same people over a period of time. If you think about it, people make friends in school because they keep being around the same people.

Significant Problem

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Step one: acquire SO who is good at making friends Step two: let them do it for you

Puppy Power!

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Dogs. Own, love, walk, understand, and generally allow yourself to succumb to dogs.

Dog people talk to each other and share their madness. You have a reason to meet, a reason to get out, and a shared pleasure.

Plus, and this is key, dogs are the best.

Dating Apps

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If you're not in school, work. If not from work, through mutual friends at social outings. Sometimes randomly when you go out.

There's also using dating apps for strictly platonic connections. Some people, I've noticed, use them for friends and friends only.

FORD Tough

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I've found that being open to new experiences is a top contender. Going to events you think you might just enjoy, and then trying to talk to people there. A compliment, passing comment, or even a direct introduction to a new person could get them talking. If they're interesting, perfect, if not. Well, there are many more people out there. Don't be afraid to cold approach people, and don't be afraid to ask questions. People love talking about themselves. Help them do that. A basic rule of thumb is as follows: FORD. Family, occupation, recreation, and dreams. Ask about any one of these things to get a conversation going. Ask more about things you're interested in, and maybe change the subject if you feel it needs to be done (at an appropriate lull in the conversation, of course). If anybody has any questions, let me know. I'd be happy to offer more information.

TLDR: Go to events even if you're unsure if you'd enjoy them. Don't be afraid to talk to people, and follow the FORD formula if you think you have nothing to talk about.

To The Rescue

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Ive met most of my good friends in the last 3 years by becoming heavily involved in the animal rescue world. I wasn't expecting that to be the case but it just sort of happened and it's really made my social circle so much more varied and interesting

Join Up

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I joined the Navy and I made more friends and met more new people in the past 3 years than I have ever had in my entire life. I was and am an introvert but there's something about the military where people bond over common shitty experiences and put aside differences and accept one another.

Don't Try To Meet People

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Best advice my therapist gave me. Don't try to meet people (I'm have crazy social anxiety), but put yourself in situations where you will meet people. I took photography classes and drawing classes. Something I've always wanted to do (especially the drawing). So I wasn't meeting people I was learning to draw and asking questions and answering questions and.. << That's the way to do it.

Yay Church!

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I can't begin to explain to you the value of the relationships I hold in my church are. I'm close with dozens of people.

Get Drunk. Look Dumb. Make Friends.

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I'll preface by saying that I'm a guy who's nothing special to look at, and is usually pretty introverted. So, to start I put on my nicest clothes and got pretty drunk at home until I found the happy spot (where everything is great, but you're still mostly lucid) and then caught the train into town. I didn't know any places to go, so I talked to some other (drunk) people on the train and asked where they were headed. That in itself got me an invite to party with one group and I went with them to the first bar. The music at this bar was pretty heavy for me, so I made social media contact with some of the guys and wandered off.

Then I wandered into another bar with a lively pop dance floor, smashed a few drinks and embarrassed myself on the dance floor. Seriously. By looking like I was having a great time everyone assumed I was a fun person good at having a fun time. This led to some comments from people at the bar when I went to buy a drink which after a few runs turned into some decent conversations and introductions.

By this time of the night everyone was pretty lubed up and having a good time. Because I had become a conversation piece everyone kind of gravitated towards me for a convo. From there I got a few numbers and more social media contact.

Most of these contacts were never going to progress, but so far I've been to lunch once and have an upcoming drink session on the weekend. Again, I definitely got lucky, could still lead nowhere and it's not for everyone. But those are my 2 cents.

TL;DR Put on some nice clothes, get really drunk and have a great time at a bar BY YOURSELF. Others will come to you if you're fun.

Talk To Strangers

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Go outside. Talk to strangers. Treat people well.

If you go to a coffee shop often, chat briefly with the baristas. Ask them how their shift's going. Next time, ask if they did anything fun over the weekend. Be open to sharing real information about yourself if they return the conversation. Give it a few weeks and if you've developed any chemistry, you may have found a friend.

If you have a hobby, make an effort to go out to gatherings related to it. Say hello and introduce yourself to people you meet there. Be open to sharing real information about yourself if they return the conversation. Keep going back on a relatively frequent rate. Continue talking to people. If you think they're better than you at stuff, ask about it. If they're new, offer help. Participate and people will likely ask you about stuff that you do. Nearly every great friend I've met has come from some hobby.

Anywhere outside of your home will work. Dance classes. The gym. The arcade. A book store. Foreign language practice. Volunteer work. A school board. Talk to people. Be genuine. If you like them, keep talking. If they're boring or an ass, don't keep talking. You might click instantly. It might take years before you both open up enough to realize you'll be good friends. But nothing will ever happen if you don't fucking go outside and talk to strangers.

H/T: Reddit

People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley


"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt


"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."


"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."


Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."


"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip


"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User


– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"


Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."



"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."


Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."



The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."


This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.



"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."



"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”



"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"


"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"


The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."


Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."


Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.


"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.