Happy Couples Reveal The Stuff Other Couples Should Try At Least Once
Happy Couples Reveal The Stuff Other Couples Should Try At Least Once[rebelmouse-image 18347080 is_animated_gif=
Having a vast array of experiences will immediately broaden your horizons.
So of course, naturally, the next step is to include someone else--perhaps someone who loves you, in those experiences. Looking for a little insight, Reddit user Zydrarc stepped up to the message boards to inquire:
Couples of Reddit what are fun things you should do with your SO at least once?
Here are some of the best answers.
Take A Step Back[rebelmouse-image 18347582 is_animated_gif=
You don't always have to do something with your SO. Occasionally, doing something completely selfless for them. It is a wonderful way to tie your bond a little stronger.
For my husband, who loved tub baths but would rarely give himself the time to take one, I would set it up for him so that he had to use it. I would get our portable Bose speaker and put on his favorite jazz, then I would start the water running very hot as I knew it would be just right by the time he got in. We didn't have the fanciest bathroom, but with some candles (yes I lit candles for my husband) and some fluffy towels stacked close to the tub, it lent the little room some romantic ambiance. I would turn the lights off, have only candle light, his jazz playing at a comfortable volume, and then I would make him a drink he liked. I made up a butterscotch vodka cocktail just for him, just for these rare occasions, and would have it placed on the edge of the tub. In the water, I would put whatever I knew he liked. Usually, it was scented bath soaps. But when he had been laboring hard at work (which was often in his profession), I would put in epsom salts and a scented oil--something masculine like rosemary, mint, or tea tree.
And then, after telling him it was ready, I would leave him absolutely alone in the tub. I would not bother him for at least 45 minutes to an hour, and then only to ask if he wanted another drink, water warmed, candles relit, music changed.
He gave me so many comforts and so many securities and I always tried to to give equally. He was an amazing husband; I always found joy in giving to him those things that I knew he loved but would not do for himself.
Take Life Less Seriously[rebelmouse-image 18350607 is_animated_gif=
Here's some my girlfriend and I do. I think we're really dumb together, and I love it:
- Go to an art museum and make up facts about art pieces / paintings together. Just try to make each other laugh at your ridiculous made-up facts. The more boring or crazy the museum (MOMA in NY is good), the better
IKEA date. Role play in each scenario. One of our best dates!
- Draw together. We're both not into museums, but we went and just drew together.
Swaddle your girlfriend with a giant blanket. She LOVED this and actually fell asleep..
- Give each other massages. She loves my back massages.
Shower together. Problem with this is that our shower is kind of small, so she doesn't enjoy it as much.
- Lie on top of each other. She especially likes it when I lie on top of her. She says she likes the weight l o l
Take cliche/corny photos together. We were "inspired" by this image, and we took a photo of us shopping in Trader Joes, her holding my hand, and me holding the Trader Joes bag.
- Go to the animal shelter together and pet some cats! It really helps that we both love animals.
Sometimes I would wrap myself into a burrito/banana, and I would exclaim to her "PEEL ME". And she would reluctantly come over, peel me, and start laughing when she gets rid of her poker face.
In general, just take life less seriously! Make jokes. Make each other laugh. Entertain each other. Life is better with a SO :)
Fire Training[rebelmouse-image 18346556 is_animated_gif=
Fire training. It's where you flop down over them (ideally while they are laying in bed) pretending to have passed out due to smoke inhalation, and it's their responsibility to both escape from under you and move you to safety. Ideally performed by yelling "fire training!" and then flopping without any additional warning. Don't explain it ahead of time. Fires don't explain themselves.
It's initially met with much resistance, so a key is to remain motionless and mute. Really commit to the role of someone who has passed out. Get them to realize that the only way they can get up is if they move you themselves, and then they find the motivation.
Bonus: you're safe in the event of a real fire.
This American Life[rebelmouse-image 18350608 is_animated_gif=
When on long car rides together, listen to podcasts that teach you something or which discuss some sort of controversial topic. My wife and I will listen to things like Radio Lab, 99% Invisible or This American Life while on long car rides. Quite often we will pause the show to discuss our thoughts on the show's topic. This has led to many great hours of interesting, intelligent conversation between us where we have gotten to learn a lot about each other and the point of view we have on many things in the world. It's a great bonding tool, plus you learn some nifty cool sh-t along the way.
Heavy Machinery[rebelmouse-image 18350609 is_animated_gif=
My fiancée like to "steam roll" me when we are laying down. She just rolls over me and pretends she is crushing me. Always makes me smile
The Little Things[rebelmouse-image 18350611 is_animated_gif=
I tuck her into bed at night. I have every night for 14 years...it's not just a tuck-in. I climb in, we laugh and talk, I kiss her goodnight and make sure she is snug...
We're both adults yes but it's important to me that she sleeps well and I feel like doing this reminds her that I love her, will always love her, so she can sleep sound...
Trust The Studies[rebelmouse-image 18350612 is_animated_gif=
Learn something new together. Whether it be a foreign language, how to make sushi, knit, paint, etc.
Studies show that the feel good chemical is released when you are learning something new and when you learn with someone you subconsciously associate feeling good with that person. So, not only do you learn something new (which is a confidence builder in itself) you bond with your SO on a deeper level.
Floating Buffet[rebelmouse-image 18350613 is_animated_gif=
Two things I've done:
- If you have a truck or know someone who does, blow up an air mattress in the back of it. Load it up with pillows and blankets, grab something nice but easy to eat and drive somewhere random and rural. Lay out under the stars and watch a movie together. Bonus points if you live somewhere cold (me Edmonton AB Canada) and make it so you're defying nature by being warm.
- I took my girlfriend kayaking during a super harvest blood moon (real thing look it up). I bought an Indian food buffet which is not the easiest thing to eat on kayaks. We lined up our kayaks and put a piece of plywood across our laps. This kind of held us together as we drifted around the lake at sunset while eating the spread of wonderful Indian food. Wine was obviously a necessity as well.
Bored Games[rebelmouse-image 18350614 is_animated_gif=
Play tabletop games. The amount of couples who both enjoy 'games' but never try any tabletop games outside the usual realm of childhood games that are all terrible astounds me. Even something super quick / simple like love letter can be amazing when it comes to drumming up conversation. It seems like a lot of people think your choices are either monopoly or dungeons and dragons; I can't recommend looking into other options enough! Not only are tabletop games better to talk over than tv/video games, but it makes your house super fun to visit too. Our collection is big enough at this point that we can find a game even non-gamers enjoy easily.
Don't miss out on the cooperative games that you can win/lose together with either, I suggest Pandemic (though it is a tad on the heavier side, especially compared to things like love letter). Carcassonne is easily one of our favorites, the base game is very easily to understand but there are many small expansions that can make the game deeper / keep it interesting. Awesome game for half-playing half-talking as well.
The Things You Do[rebelmouse-image 18350615 is_animated_gif=
Conquer a fear together.
For my husband and I we both had a deathly fear of white water rafting.
It brings you closer together, teaches valuable communication skills, and is a memory you can cherish well into your old age.
Fundamentals[rebelmouse-image 18350616 is_animated_gif=
Watch a documentary, take a class, experience something new, travel.
It's fun while it's happening, and great to talk about later on.
Worm Racing[rebelmouse-image 18350617 is_animated_gif=
Worm racing - you both lie face down on the ground by the front door, with your hands in your pockets, and race to the other end of the house, on your bellies, like worms.
I'm 41, my wife turns 40 next month, we have a worm race probably once a month when the kids are elsewhere.
Trippin[rebelmouse-image 18350619 is_animated_gif=
Go on a road trip. Road trips are so much fun with the right person, and I think it's also an important relationship milestone. How do you cope when you miss the exit, or you feel sick because he insisted on stopping somewhere that had all you can eat chicken and waffles.
Dark Games[rebelmouse-image 18350620 is_animated_gif=
Hide and go seek inside the house with all the lights turned off and loud music. It's fun, active, and after a couple drinks can be quite sexy.
The Couples That Bathe Together, Stay-the Together[rebelmouse-image 18350621 is_animated_gif=
Been with my wife for 17 years (dating and married combined) and we make time to shower together everyday. It's our time away from the kids where we get to talk about our day. I wash her body sometimes, she gets me sometimes. It's our way of staying connected. We get weird looks from other couples we know that find out we do this for some reason.
Lava[rebelmouse-image 18350622 is_animated_gif=
Lava boat. While you're laying in bed together start acting like the bed is getting hot, "Do you feel that?" "Oh my god, thats crazy" "You can't feel that?" And then you climb on top of her to get off/out of the lava and use her as a lava boat. Lay on top of her while you're both prone and try to get completely off the bed. Arms, legs, everything because the bed is lava.
Once you're fully off of the lava, tell her that the bed is lava and she's your lava boat. If she pushes you off act like you're burning until she lets you back on. Boys can be lava boats too, anybody can. All you need is pretend lava. Lava Boat, tell your friends.
Late-Night Excursions[rebelmouse-image 18350623 is_animated_gif=
Go shopping at 3 a.m. There are a some 24 hour big box stores in our area, and a couple times we've wound up running errands in the wee hours. It's surreal to drive through the dark, empty streets and arrive at a huge fluorescent oasis with no windows that feels exactly the same as it would at noon. You also get to see what other kinds of weirdos are doing their shopping at 3 a.m.
Natural Phenom[rebelmouse-image 18347627 is_animated_gif=
Lay in bed watching a thunderstorm. We live in Phoenix so rain is rare. We do get nice monsoons from time to time and we had the best time talking and watching the rain and lightning.
Have You Seen The Way They Kiss In The Movies?[rebelmouse-image 18349873 is_animated_gif=
Have a gimmick date (tunnel of love, drinking from the same milkshake, walk down the beach barefoot holding hands, eating from the same strand of a spaghetti noodle until you kiss, etc.), and make fun of how cliche it is while secretly enjoying every second of it.
Striving[rebelmouse-image 18350624 is_animated_gif=
Lose weight together. We were fat most our lives and never succeeded in losing the weight on our own. Then I dragged him into my last attempt. We held each other accountable, we kept each other motivated, we researched together, we forced each other to buy new clothes that fit, ect. We each lost 100 pounds. It was awesome. We've been able to keep it off too. I've gained a bit back recently because of hormone replacement therapy, but I'm back on track. It's nothing compared to being back at 250+ pounds and being tired all the time. I'm barely in overweight territory right now. He's keeping me accountable, which I need. We fail a hell of a lot less together.
The Secret Slime Action[rebelmouse-image 18350627 is_animated_gif=
My ex and I would play this game where she would pretend she was a slug and she would drag her belly all over me. It was such a stupid and silly thing to do. She called it Slime Time. I don't miss her at all, but I do miss Slime Time... It's super fun. I highly recommend everyone play Slime Time!
The Past[rebelmouse-image 18350628 is_animated_gif=
If you're both in contact with your families/have nice childhood memories I suggest watching home videos of each other together. Saw my SO in a middle school production of a musical and I've never loved her more. She told me everything she remembered about it and how much fun she had. It was so sweet. It's also a great way to share memories of family members important to you who have passed away, but who you wish you could introduce your SO to.
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattzget out GIFGiphy
It's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswersof montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphy
Everyone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I DoShocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy
"Are you married?"
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Room TemperatureFrosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
DiscoveryBlown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy
"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
EssentialsTell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy
"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.