One of the greatest lessons in life is to know when to listen and also acknowledge when someone is talking smack, so you just run away to save your own life.
These days everyone thinks they're an arm chair therapist. Everybody has an opinion, a solution and an answer. In truth everyone has thought this for a long time actually. And it's bunk.
I'm not saying we all don't have ideas for good advice or can't help another person heal. But we really need to be more careful about the knowledge we're tossing about. And we need to be even more astute about what wisdom we decide to believe.
The slightest bit of advice can change a life, if we let it. So first, go on your own thoughts before you piggyback another.
Redditor u/Truzt102 wanted to hear about all the things they've been told "in the spirit" of help that was really just a load of crap, by asking:
What is the worst advice you've ever received?
I stopped listening to people recently. I had to. Mainly because it hindered my ability to listen to myself. I've taken so much bad advice merely because I believed they knew better, when they knew nothing. And I know I'm not alone.
Be Dumb
Confused Threes Company GIF by MOODMAN
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"You should act less smart so more guys talk to you."
- imerbear
Ignorance...
"Just ignore the bully. He'll get bored. I wish my parents told me, "To Hell that kid up. You're 16. Slap on the wrist."
"I was bullied all throughout middle and high school. I dropped out half way through my sophomore year, then went back after working a summer."
"Former bully tried it again, and I just shouted "F* OFF!" in his face. He was so surprised. Thus ended 8+ years of torment. He never tried anything again. I dropped out again though, got my GED, went to college and did well. I'm good now. ADHD + meds = functional adult."
Shake it Off...
"Work through the pain, it will make your back feel better. It didn't."
"I lost a friend because they felt I was lazy for not "powering through" the chronic pain issues I have and "just live life" instead. Umm... I am powering through it every single moment of the day from the moment I will myself out of bed. It is exhausting and there's a limit to how much one can do that. I have an autoimmune condition so it looks like there's nothing wrong with me from the outside, and a lot of folks don't care much beyond the superficial."
Ok Octomom...
My (ex-) co-worker advised me to have a baby because I was suffering so badly from my depression. She said this would cure my "bad mood."
"I once had a patient with borderline personality disorder also suffering from depressions. She already had 5 children from 5 different (ex-)partners, who where all in foster homes, because she could not care for them. Neglect, abuse, dangerous situations and the sorts.
"That day she told me she was so happy because she was pregnant again from an unknown partner. She was happy because pregnancy always made her feel better. I could only think about the next child's life being ruined. Although I'm generally opposed to forced contraception... sometimes... Don't fall for the trap."
Just Eat!
Excited Food GIF by Rosanna Pansino
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"Come on, stop complaining and swallow it." No mom, I'm allergic to freaking soy, if I swallow it I'll probably die."
First, listen to generational advice carefully. Each generation has a different perspective and we're learning a lot of it is shaded by trauma. That's important to recognize. Don't fall victim to other's issues.
Buzzz...
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"Kick it to see if there are anymore bees inside." There were plenty of bees still inside."
never say sorry to a student...
"When I was an aspiring educator, I received a lot of scary advice about how school teachers should run a classroom from people who were well intended, but were completely out of touch. The most memorable was from a woman who had been a special education teacher for years and her nugget of wisdom was to "never say sorry to a student and never admit you're wrong." My philosophy as a teacher could never be more opposite."
911 Operators Break Down The Strangest Call They've Ever Received | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
A Little Rash
"No need to go to the doctor, it's just a little rash." It was Lyme's and I nearly died. "It was the Urgent Care nurse who said this. I believed it, my mom didn't, the next place sent me to the hospital."
- ATLander
"It bothers me how Americans need to make sure they ABSOLUTELY NEED to see a doctor before they go and look for medical help. It must suck that you can't just pop into the ER to check your weird rash, just to be safe. I really hope your healthcare gets better in the future."
"Also, I mean no offence, nor am I sh*tting on your country. I just wished everybody had the reassurance that they'll get the help they need without having to sell your firstborn. Someone mentioned an affordable system called Direct Primary Care. Don't know anything about it, just thought I should pass it on."
Failure to Launch
"My father once told me, when I was in my teens, "don't ever try anything new because you might fail." That's like the opposite of what good parents are supposed to say. He had recently went out and tried a career change and failed."
- rujoe
"My father said something similar. "You think like you live in a game. As if you're Super Mario in The Matrix."
"Something doesn't work out and you think you could just try again. That's not how life works, son. You need to have your entire life planned out and stick to that plan." For one, I did not think that. I was very well aware that I was on planet Earth in material form and that deus ex machinas don't happen in real life."
"Second, The Matrix does not work that way. Third, why do I need to have my life planned out at 13 years old? Aren't I supposed to try things out and then keep trying to do the things I enjoy until I'm good at them? Not according to my dad. He kept berating me about this until I finally moved out after graduating."
This was literally 1984!
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"In 1984 I was told by a friend's mom that computers were "a fad" and that I shouldn't major in computer science in college. I ignored that advice, it was obvious even then this was a crazy take. This was literally 1984! Van Halen wasn't really my scene though, I was more into new wave music at the time."
Family Fun
"When my mom was dying in hospice, a coworker of mine told me I should at least let her family know, even though my mom told me she didn't care if they knew or not. Well, I let them know, and I definitely regretted it. The sister and her kids made it an entire dramatic ordeal and had to be removed from the room. Her brother didn't even call or text, just sent his dingbat wife who didn't even notice my mom had already passed. Haven't heard from either of them in the year since she's passed. My mom was right."
Hands Down
"If somebody's mean to you it's because they like you." Can people please stop telling kids this? I used to believe it, too. Yeah, maybe sometimes it's true, but most of the time it's not! Especially above the age of 7 lol."
Ha Ha
"In 1998, I was a senior in college and completely frustrated by the college administrations inability to adapt to the online world, particularly with class scheduling. My last semester of school, where I was a jaded senior and didn't give a crap and just wanted enough hours to graduate."
"I remember a lady in the registrars office vehemently denying that registration would ever go online. Her words were something like "We will ALWAYS do in person registration, computers will never change that." I want to find that lady today and just smirk."
In the Shops
Julia Roberts Shopping GIF by SundanceTV
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"I was 19, thinking about maybe going to college or getting a job in finance. My friend's mum said "no, don't do that. You know where the real money is? Shops. Working in shops."
A Pinch
"You should let it pinch you, it won't hurt that much..."
"It was the biggest crawdad I ever saw and I was maybe like 10 fishing with my Dad. He didn't think I would be stupid enough to do it, but I wanted to impress him. The chaos that then ensued; I picked it up and let it pinch the soft skin between my thumb and hand promptly scream in pain."
"Dad was laughing his butt off tried to help just to be pinched by the other claw on the back of his hand. This cycle of continuous pinching continues as we stupidity try to help one another then finally we get it removed and my Dad says to body slam it so I throw it as hard as I can back into the lake."
Above It...
"Live above your means. It motivates you to do better" Uhhh...No."
"Had a sales manager basically say this. Honestly don't remember how the conversation got there, but was told "we need to get you some debt so that you will stay motivated." I preferred to live below my means so I could tell him to run off whenever I pleased."
Happy Away
"Try to think of happier things when you hallucinate. Yeah... let me just think of a unicorn, I can totally control schizophrenia. That'll help me not see the blurry faceless man following me in the hallway. Maybe I won't be so paranoid. That how that works, right? Happy away the illness."
The Scraper
"I scraped someone's truck in our apartment complex a few weeks after I first got my license at 18, in my defense he was very over the lines and it was the only available spot. Called my dad in a panic because I didn't know what to do, he told me to go park in the lot of the apartments next to us and just pretend nothing happened unless someone confronts me. New and inexperienced, I listened."
"Horrible advice, someone saw it and the guy found which apartment I was in. He was pissed but more understanding when he realized I was just a kid (to a guy In his 40s I guess 18 is a kid) and explained what happened. We worked insurance stuff out and I learned to never take my dad's advice."
"I should mention that I'm not considering 18 to be fully matured, I'm currently 24 and 18 year Olds definitely seem younger than they did when I was 18, I guess I consider kids to be more like people I wouldn't trust to leave home alone. That said, they are just as stupid as kids sometimes, like when they hit a truck and then take their dad's advice to do nothing and hope I don't get in trouble."
Perfection
"Don't break up with him! You're perfect together! Spoiler alert: we weren't."
"Not the same but in adjacent territory, my ex-bf's sister said we should have a baby together because they make everything awesome. I was in my early 20s in college, and he was in his late 30s as were his siblings. I was obviously in a predatory dynamic and didn't know it at the time but I definitely wasn't about to take her advice."
No Dear
Cbs No GIF by HULU
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"Former mother in law- if you love him harder he won't hit you."
- Atheva31
"My grandmother told my mom "maybe try making him decent coffee and he would be gentler" forget you Gretchen."
Advice is tricky. Everyone wants to help. And more often than not we're all more failing than helping. Learning to listen to our gut and our won voice is where we should start with advice. That's my advice. Let's try... begin.
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The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
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"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
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"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
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Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
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A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
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A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
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Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.