Candid Adults Reveal What Lessons They Wish Their Parents Taught Them Earlier In Life
A parent's responsibility in raising their child can be considered a multi-sided journey. Not only do you clothe them and feed them on a hopefully daily basis, but it's your job to help them understand the world they'll be a part of. However, there are those incidents when the lessons parents teach are not intentional, rather learned through osmosis, and we understand that sometimes our parents aren't perfect. Reddit user, r/WowThatIsCreative, got those answers when they asked:
[Serious] What do you wish your parents had done better while raising you?
Knowing When To Call The Cops
Handling circumstances better.
My mother called the cops on me for taking a cigarette and smoking. I was 14 and got a ticket that I couldn't pay for until I was 18 and became a 600$ ticket. She did this for almost everything "bad" that I did.
Knowing How To Communicate
I know it would've been really difficult for them since they don't know any others, but I really wish they taught me a second language when I was a young child
No Connection To The Homeland
i'm in the same boat!
my parents were born in china but never bothered to reach my sibling and i to speak mandarin. what's worse is my parents almost blame us for not being able to speak it :/, as if a child would have the dedication to learn another language.
Opening The Lines
Sure, the lack of communication growing up has made me into a person who puts in a real effort to communicate with their SO, but...I feel like a lot of my family's problems could have been avoided or resolved if we communicated better. I've been taught to shut down whenever I experience a negative feeling and to keep everything "to myself." It's a lot of work to make sure I don't do that in my relationship and I hope I can communicate with my children someday when I have them.
Related...it would have been nice if we, as a family, were better about keeping tabs with friends and other family. It's just not a habit of mine to reach out to friends or family because growing up, my family was very isolated. My parents had very few friends, rarely talked to extended family members, and as a result...I'm just the same way.
Maybe Just A Bit Less...
Less emotional sadism from my mum would've been nice.
Parenting Is More
I grew up in an emotional war zone, and I'd give anything to have had parents that understood that love is more than meeting the physical and educational needs of a child.
Sometimes it means actually encouraging someone, not just telling them how worthless and ungrateful they are.
Missing The Point
I wish they had recognised that I was severely mentally ill as a child and gotten me treatment sooner. I only started on medication when I was 14 and only got on the right medication when I was 17. I missed out on basically my entire childhood because of that, as well as nearly dying twice.
They did their best, and raising a seriously ill child isn't easy, but in hindsight, the signs were all there. If I had been taken to a doctor sooner, I probably could have been diagnosed and treated much sooner, since I began showing symptoms at about 4 or 5 years old.
When They Blame You
Ah yes, I can still remember some of the sh-t my mom used to use against me. My favourite one being "one of these days you're going to come home to find me hanging from the ceiling and it'll be your fault". For years, I would dread walking through my front door incase she had actually hung herself.
She didn't though.
What's A Dollar Again?
Taught me true fiscal discipline and the value of money.
In my late teens and early 20s, I spent money like it was endless. I would always find myself in poor situations because of it. After years of doing it, I finally came to my senses. I can only imagine what my savings account would look like today had I been smarter about it.
When They Can't Be Bothered
Protecting me. They always say, "if someone is hurting you tell a trusted adult" so I told my mom who punished me until I took it back so I had to live with it for years.
She couldn't be bothered.
When You Know Better Than Them
I wish they hadn't listen to the pill pushers who misdiagnosed me as ADHD and then I spent my entire childhood drugged to high heaven.
They couldn't figure out why the drug wasn't working on me. It couldn't be that they misdiagnosed. Doctors don't make mistakes. Must be the dosage. Just keep increasing it.
Funny thing is that I quit taking it secretly and suddenly my grades improved because I wasn't tripping balls.
Missing The Bigger Picture
Paid attention to my mental health.
I hit depression and anxiety really hard and my [stepdad] convinced my mom it was just me being an attention whore.
Feed Them The Right Stuff
Food. I am a carb monster.
I wish I grew up on less processed shite.
How To Maintain A Home
I wish my Dad taught me more.
I learnt how to fix things, mow the lawn, handle stressful situations on my own. I really would have benefited with some know how early on.
Which Do You Focus On
Less praise for mediocre accomplishments.
Makes actual accomplishments feel not as special.
When The Child Becomes The Parents
BETTER. EATING. HABITS.
I remember my mom just being furious at me whenever she had to buy clothes for me because I'm a child and she has to shop in the "teen" section. The gag is, she, nor my dad taught me how to eat well; she has a naturally high metabolism so she never understood why I was so fat. Now as an adult I have to teach myself how to eat properly.
Really Avoiding The Point
I feel ya there.
My parent's idea of money education was to give me an allowance with the idea to use it as I see fit, but then yell at me anytime I spent on anything. "Oh, you bought a snack at the corner store cause you were hanging with friends on a Saturday? How dare you!"
When They're The Cause Of Your Problems
I grew up with that from both parents.
I've come to realize that people will never understand how legitimately abusive it is just because I wasn't beaten or starved. Looking back on how terrified and anxious I was as a child kills me to this day.
my mom is a brilliant, smart, strong women but I have no childhood memories with her in it. I was in daycare 12 hours a day until I was 11 and could stay home on my own. She was always working (college professor) and didn't seem to care that I was missing her. She was very cold. I have more memories with the teachers at school then I have with my family. That was a sad realization.
My dad on the other hand, while also a professional, really tried hard to make sure I knew I was loved. I have lots of memories with him. Sadly he passed away 3 years ago and my mother is effectively a stranger so we don't talk.
I am a stay at home mom to my 2 kids now, which is what I always wanted to me. I can't believe that anyone would actively choose to put their career over the children. My mother had many books published in her field, a doctorate, so many letters at the end of her name.... but she lost her daughter and she [doesn't] regret it for a second.
When They Don't Teach You Anything
I just wish I'd been exposed to more stuff. I'd never been to the movies or resraurants with my parents. They never enrolled me in scouts or sports. I was barely allowed over to friend's houses, and I almost never had friends come over to my house.
As an adult, I have very poor social skills with people who aren't making a concentrated effort to get to know ME. I am terrified of new situations. Sometimes I need a support person to tell me EXACTLY what phrases I should say to bartenders/waitresses/etc because I'll freeze up and possibly cry without a script. Sometimes I'll suffer from mild anxiety before a party or get-together. I refuse to let other people know what music I'm listening to in case they don't like it. I usually need at least 24hrs notice before going to an event or I panic and get very angry at being "messed around on such short notice". As a teenager I legitimately thought I'd kill myself on my 20th birthday because having to fend for myself in the real world was a frightening concept.
At 22, I am MUCH better than I used to be. I was so terrified of becoming a total loser as an adult that I actively forced myself into new situations in order to gain that experience and become more normal. No thanks to my parents.