Bodies are beautiful. Everyone's body is a treasure. There is no reason to feel shame. Sure most of us have pounds to lose and other's have the illusion of perfection but every body has value. We are connected to our bodies for life so we might as well find peace with what we've got. Take a chapter from those who work with naked bodies on the regular. It's just another day at the office for them.
Redditor u/merzickel wanted to know how everyone makes it work when you're surrounded by all nudes by asking.... Doctors, massage therapists, and other people who see naked bodies at work: what are most people insecure about when it comes to their bodies that's actually super common and normal?
The Grapefruit.
The only naked person I actually remember was this dude who called due to a hernia. He told us what was going on and we were like okay we trust you get on the stretcher. He said "hell naw y'all need to see this" and stood up and dropped his pants. His scrotum was the size of a grapefruit and his penis slapped his knees.
We told him to put his pants back on so we could get him to the hospital and get him some damn pain meds. Other than that all naked people look the same to me and I really really don't give a crap what you look like cause that's not my concern. Doing that ekg or finding injuries or things like that is my main concern. jesus-christ-of-ems
Pierced.
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Body Piercer here. On average, I pierce a lot of nipples. 90% of women are most uncomfortable showing their stomachs in the case of extra pounds or stretch marks. I explain that I'm not there to see the sights or to judge (I'm a fatty) but to ensure they have a good experience. TheRevSev
Shave Away...
Wife is massage therapist; some women seem to care about if they've shaved their legs or not, which is funny since I massage men's legs that are covered in way more and thicker hair than they will have. That and people are always confused on if they have to remove their underwear or not.
As a therapist it doesn't matter to me, we learn how to work around it and still help you, we just want to make sure that you the client is as comfortable as you can be. Oh, and snoring. People will apologize for snoring a lot but we don't care, honestly. SuicidlMcRib
Don't Apologize.
Women often apologize for having pubic hair which I find kinda sad. Ivehitanewlow
I was in the ER the other day and had to get an ECG. I was so upset because I hadn't shaved in forever. I was covering my armpits as the nurse was putting the "stickers" on. And then she moved to the legs and I couldn't cover them.
She could see I was feeling embarrassed and she looked at me and goes "it's an ER hun, no one comes prepared!"
Made me feel a little better. In retrospect, it was emergency, why did I care?! How bad did society mess me up that when I get injured and need help, I'm worried about my hair?! Real_Space_Captain
the public....
Anything related to the pubic region.
For women, breast exams are common in a primary care setting, and most female patients are pretty chill with it, especially a male physician. Big_Balmer_Brand
Flab.
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Flab right under your armpits on your sides. I'm a bra fitter, and women constantly complain about and apologize for their back fat and fat on their sides right under their armpits. It's really not a big deal. Everyone has it, even that teeny tiny girl that looks like a stick. EleanorRigby96
Noises Off.
Massage therapist here - during abdominal massage, noises happen. Totally normal. We're getting things moving. No need to apologize for being human! courtdork13
I try to warn mine so she doesn't get it in the face. Maggiemayday
The Back Way.
X-Ray tech here, men with hairy backs. I'm looking to make sure your chest is against the plate. Don't care how hairy it is, although one guy did look like he had a fur coat on. psu777
Or woman apologizing for not getting a pedicure while their foot/ankle has been in a cam walker or cast the past 6 weeks. I don't care. I'm there to help you, not judge you. Xray_Abby
Y'all are good.....
Massage therapist here. Most women who are on my table are embarrassed about their leg stubble. Let me reassure you that we don't care if you haven't shaved your legs this week. Forget it, I haven't shaved mine in 12 months. Y'all are good. annacondah
Wash your feet....
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I'm a Podiatrist (foot doctor) and people are always apologizing about their leg hair and their feet in general. Like I've had patients not want to take off their socks and shoes but still want me to help diagnose their foot problems. 90% of the time they're just plain old normal looking feet. That being said, if you haven't washed your feet in the past year...
Maybe do that before you see your Podiatrist. We are happy to help you cut hard thick nails but its the 5 month old toe jam that's the smelliest. Please wash that out before seeing me, no need for a fancy pedicure just soap and water and a good "floss between the toes" with a dry wash cloth is all I'm asking. Unless you're disabled and then of course I understand. doUBleaveNmagic
Don't Look....
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Men are embarrassed of penis size (all sizes) and make it awkward by making weird comments. Women apologize for all body hair. If it's truly an issue, we clip it, if not, it's just hair. LunaLovegood567
Laugh Denied.
Decided to make a joke while getting my physical to lighten the mood, so I asked the doctor if she'd had any prior experience in microbiology while giving me a hernia check. Unfortunately we didn't share the same sense of humor, as she didn't find it as entertaining as I did. RelativelyUselessLad
Shavings....
As a massage therapist I get women that apologize for not shaving their legs that day. I honestly don't care, I didn't shave my legs for the occasion either. _MKUltraViolet
Yep, former massage therapist.
Just come in clean. You're just a slab of meat on my table.
(Unless you have a really crazy tattoo. I'll notice that, lol). helena_handbasketyyc
Pooping......
Pooping. Also farting. Like, hon, I'm here helping you (I'm a CNA) because you literally haven't pooped in like three days. The nurse and I just helped you work out the biggest shit I've ever seen--honestly I'm proud of you, and don't care that you farted for a solid minute afterwards. I'm just glad you feel better.
It's all natural bodily functions man! They made it into a children's book for a reason. And as a person with GI issues, I hate that it's so stigmatized. Even I feel the need to hold in my supremely painful BMs or gas until there's no one around, even though it makes me miserable. muse539
Most. Not All.
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The size of their flaccid penis. First Of all, we don't care. Second, most penises are unimpressive when soft and cold. ArachnaMinax
Stay Calm.
Scars/acne, imperfect teeth, wrinkles everywhere. I didn't see it posted so I just wanted to say I see it all the time. Also, I'm absolutely no case is any staff member ever checking you out in the ER. Seriously, even the most single, lonely person is not judging whether you're attractive or not. We see thousands of people a day. Honestly we forget. Whatever thing you're embarrassed of, we've seen it before. But we do gossip if you're a fool about you throwing a hissy fit. betta_fische
Tummies....
Their stomach. I need to take measurements and people straight up refuse and ramble incoherently as to why their stomach isn't perfectly flat and toned. It's sad it's such a a big deal to some people, I certainly don't judge or care, I just want to do my job. yepdonewiththisshi
Smile!
I'm a dental hygienist and people are very self conscious about their teeth and breath. Honestly we can't really smell your breath at all, we wear masks, if anything we can only smell our own. And teeth are teeth, don't let them keep you from smiling. Mearyballs406
Booby Trap....
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Bra fitter here. Women apologize all the time that their boobs are different sizes, when it's actually pretty rare to have a matched set. They also are ashamed of nearly every single aspect of breast shape, placement, firmness, and texture that you can imagine.
I've been doing this job for nearly a decade, and boobs are genuinely vastly different from person to person. I've probably only ever seen a half dozen pairs that look like boobs in the media, and women really think there must be something freakish about their boobs. hep632
Truth is....
Bodies come in all sizes and shapes. I'm a CNA, and I promise you, the second your clothes are back on, we've forgotten when your junk looks like. The only time we remember what you look like is when there's something unusual about it (and I don't mean size). Yeah, I remember what the guy with cancer of the penis looked like naked (he died). Why? Because his penis was a deformed trainwreck.
The weird thing is, mastectomies are so common in older women that I don't remember what individual women with mastectomies look like. I remember which ladies have one (or zero) boobs, but it's so common I cannot recall what they look like.
Nobody cares if you shave your crotch or your legs or your pits or your face.
Also, really, really fat guys "lose" their penises. Their body fat envelopes their penises and it looks like they have a second belly button. Damn_Dog_Inappropes
- People Break Down Which Jobs Would Be The Worst On A 'Go To Work Naked Day' - George Takei ›
- People Explain Which Professions They Have Absolutely No Respect For - George Takei ›
- People Break Down Which Professions Get An Unjustified Amount Of Hate - George Takei ›
- People Explain Which Unimpressive Things Everyone's Weirdly Proud Of - George Takei ›
- Women Divulge What They Find Most Confusing About Men - George Takei ›
- People Break Down Which Professions Hollywood Gets Completely Wrong - George Takei ›
- Doctors Describe Their Craziest 'I Don't Think This Is Important, But' Patient Experiences - George Takei ›
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
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Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
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A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
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A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
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Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.