Going to work naked is literally a thing I have nightmares about.
It's also literally a thing I could do because I work from home writing weird articles on the internet and nobody has seen me in the real world since, like, 2016 anyway?
So if, for whatever reason, my nightmare scenario were to come true I'd be fine. Cold, probably very annoyed with my dogs, but fine since I'm alone on home turf.
Reddit user willtrent16 asked:
“ 'Go to work naked day' is now a mandatory national holiday. Which jobs have the worst outcome from this? "
I used to work with kids. 5th-8th grade kids.
I don't know if you've ever met a middle schooler but they are possibly the most terrifying predators in all of natural history. My old job working with middle schoolers gets my vote; but Reddit had some awful ideas, too!
Spicy Rain
"Welders."
- Cold-Ruin-3973
"Ooh spicy raindrops"
- saltyboi6704
"Am a welder. Tig is the only one I’d do naked haha. Mig and stick have too much spicy rain coming from them lol"
- MarionberryNo3166
"Overhead Flux would have your pecker looking like Anakin at the end of episode 3."
- BigPapaNurgle
Pink Would Stink
"Insulation installers; pink fibreglass everywhere."
- JimmyJazz1971
"As an electrical apprentice who has been crawling around an attic all day, I can comfortably say f*ck pink insulation and who made that sh*t so itchy!"
- Brothersunset
"I can feel this everywhere right now."
- TotallyInOverMyHead
On Company Time
company GIFGiphy"Septic tank divers."
"But on the upside, if they need to take a dump they can just do it without having to stop working!"
- RiddlingVenus0
"Always sh*t on company time."
- wananah
"I physically GAGGED."
- Mrs_Watzitooya
Teacher Trauma
"Grade school teachers."
- Lallner
"People who are homeschooled are freaking out right now."
- Bobbyjoethe3rd
"Specifically, brand new high school teachers."
"When I was student teaching, I was 22. I was teaching 17 and 18 year old seniors. It was bad, but it would have been even worse with no clothes."
- TheLonelySnail
The Source
glory cobra GIFGiphy"I'm a biochemist in a venom analysis lab."
"When I’m not in lab isolating venom proteins in DMSO and other chemicals that can help facilitate the passages of normally non permeable molecules through cell membranes, then I’m harvesting the venom from the source."
" 'The source' being venomous snakes."
"Blue jeans are basically the best armor that doesn’t compromise mobility. I mean, tromping through tall grass probably SHOULD mean chaps but they don’t work against large enough snakes and not getting struck at all will always be 99.999% of the effective safety practices we have developed against snake fangs."
"So even if I’m ok with wearing thinner long pants in the field I’m gonna keep that layer of mesh between my family jewels and strikes. I’ve had 2 close calls in that exact region."
- craftmacaro
Cranberry Spiders
dig in bob's burgers GIF by HULUGiphy"Working in a cranberry marsh seems like a really bad one."
"I’ve never been in a cranberry bog, but I know rice fields. If you're walking in water the goes up to your hips and it’s full of foliage or crops, it’s gonna wrap around you and it’s gonna get in some places."
"I would imagine trying to walk through a cranberry bog naked would not be fun."
- FlysDinnerSnack
"Also, cranberry bogs are filled with wolf spiders."
- Slant_Juicy
"I read an article about this that said:"
"'It turns out there’s a reason they ask prospective employees if they’re comfortable with spiders, and it’s a pretty wild one. You're going to have a hundred wolf spiders trying to climb your eyebrows during harvest.' "
"And now I want to know the spider leg quality control cut off point of cranberry products."
- CandiBunnii
"Today was the day I gave up eating all cranberry products for the rest of my life, thank you."
- dances_with_corgis
Hair Splinters
"God awful being a dog groomer. I get enough hair splinters wearing clothes…"
"Hair has a lot of structural integrity when its not long or old. It slices deep."
- Illustrious_Way_5241
"Hair splinters are SO annoying."
"I'm a Vet tech, I have to shave down pets for their surgical sites as part of the prep, I get them from that. I literally feel your pain."
- NurseMcStuffins
Nurse!
hospital hello GIFGiphy"Nurses, especially female nurses with all the creepy old men/altered mental status patients in hospitals."
- Less-Dirt-1673
"My germophobic self would rather get fired than have to go to work on this mandatory day."
- wankProcyon
An Hour
Excited Bear GIFGiphy"Kitchen work in general."
"I'm a chef. Judging by the amount of burns on my arms, I would burn my penis off in like an hour."
- atx00
"Once, at the end of working in a seasonal cooking job, I made good on my promise to show up to work in nothing but apron and Crocs."
"I lasted ten minutes on the line before bailing to get something between my skin and hot grease. So I can confirm that cooking naked is a terrible idea."
- kdubmaps
"For line cooks, the amount of time we spend bending over to reach coolers and pans and whatever would be absolutely revolting, and aprons don't solve that."
"Apparently a former cook at my job never wore underwear and while standing beside the very hot grill, it heated the zipper of his pants enough it caused some minor burns on his member."
"That is how we ended up having in the employee manual for uniforms, that the employee must wear underwear."
- tachibana_ryu
"I had a coworker that was wearing the fire retardant chef’s pants, and he accidentally leaned up against the edge of the flattop for a couple seconds."
"He was fine, he literally didn’t even feel heat, but his pants were scorched to hell."
"It probably would have been 2nd or 3rd degree through normal clothes… naked, you’d literally be cooking yourself…"
- Toss_Away_93
That's hot!
"Firefighters"
- RTwhyNot
"Use your hose! No the other one!!"
- ami2weird4u
"YOUVE TRAINED YOUR ENTIRE CHILDHOOD FOR THIS!"
- GolgiApparatus1
"There would be a lot of people attending that fire."
- lasvegaswil
Down to clown?
Eyes Reaction GIF by Sarah SquirmGiphy"Party clown, even worse if it is for a child's birthday"
- jaeger3344
"I'm not down with clowning, but where else are you inviting party clowns? Adult birthdays?"
- GavinBelsonsAlexa
"I seen clown getting hired for promoting stores and for events also"
- jaeger3344
" 'Look, children, a dachshund!' Squeaky noises 'and now it's a giraffe!' Squeaky noises 'And now it's a teddy bear!' Screams of horrified children"
- Kiyohara
"I feel like if you're hiring a party clown on the mandatory "go to work naked" day, you know exactly what you're getting. Could be their busiest time of the year"
- Lazy-Koala
Can we call in sick?
sick hey arnold GIFGiphy"As a chemist, I think I’ll just call in sick…"
- Bloorajah
"Bruh, molecular biologist checking in, I'm calling in sick too"
"I'm probably mostly EGFP positive at this point but still..."
- Durph08
"I work in a microbiology lab. Antibiotic-resistant infectious organisms galore. Right behind you."
- confictura_22
"I’m an environmental chemist. If we’re putting it in the environment it probably wouldn’t be that bad for my bare skin, right? …right?"
- aureliaxaurita
"As an industrial chemical vendor, I am also calling in sick. Partially because I don’t want to see all of the old naked men, partially because I don’t want my balls to be burned off by one thing or another."
- stepheno125
Now you see it...
"Magician"
- Corndog881
"Hey mister, where were you hiding those handkerchiefs?"
- 3CH0SG1
"Stripper Magician isn't far from it"
- HugoStiglitz007
"A stripper magician would be a wonderful addition to parties and funerals"
- calimbus
"All I can think of now is c*ck magic from south park"
- LuminaryOfTheStars15
That may be fun
Ignoring New York GIF by Muppet WikiGiphy"Jackhammer operator."
- Various_Cricket4695
"I think the unhindered jangling of your bits while operating a jackhammer would be mesmerizing. Maybe even like a fan that goes at the exact right speed so that it appears to not be moving at all."
- Absenceofavoid
"You've got a beautiful way with words"
- BrokeInService
"A co-worker took a slow-mo of me running a jumping jack. If my noodle-arm in that vid is an indicator I'd have to say it'd look hilarious"
- BrokeInService
"That sounds like a jolly ol time"
- PoeLaHa
Insecurity guard.
"I think I'd have it pretty rough as security..."
- jluponeage
"Idk nobody wants to fight the naked guy"
- somebigdog
"Might you be... insecure?"
- CallMeABeast
"Same line of work man, though on night shift sometimes I feel I'm the only one who ain't nekked"
- EricWolf
More like "no no no!"
Christmas Santa GIF by Katy PerryGiphy"Mall Santas"
- LegendEchidna
"Bravo, this one got me"
- willtrent16
"Santa brought the North Pole with him this year!"
- felixfelix
"I imagine them only wearing a hat, the beard and the boots. LMFAO horrific"
- xccrunky
"They arent supposed to be naked?"
- SexyWomanNotMan
Dressers
"Strippers. Less business that day, probably. Everyone is at Hooters."
- NoAlternative2913
"They'd be called dressers for the day."
- Kom4r
"Yeah baby put it all on."
- ParisGreenGretsch
"That's when you make a business model out of putting clothes back on slowly. If anyone comes in late they miss some of the nudity and may wanna try and pay to get something back. Who knows I can see something coming of this"
- Got_It_Memorized_22
"5D response right here"
- crubbyDoubleNuts
Sargent!
full metal jacket GIFGiphy"Military, especially in an active warzone."
- WoXihuanKoujia
"I dunno man, if a dude is crazy enough to charge at me nude my first instinct might be to run and not let the nude dude wrestle me to the ground."
- 2_Facebook_Zucks·
"General Buttnaked did exactly that."
- thorpie88
"It's genius. They'll be looking for army guys and completely skip your naked ass"
- czs5056
"Idk why I found this so funny. But I immediately thought of the fact that instead of hearing the ominous sound of a thousand people marching with those heavy military boots it would be a thousand of the slaps you get when you run with bare feet"
- Lobi-Wan
So... Florida man?
"Alligator feeder at zoo"
- triniazhole
"This is normal in Florida, it's hot and Florida man aint got time to get dressed before wrangling him some gator."
- 2_Facebook_Zucks
"This is normal in Florida" is not a very convincing argument."
- TheUnholyRomanEmpire
"I live there; can confirm"
- TchaikenNugget
"Eh, is that beige vest and those khaki shorts really gonna make the difference between a pay check and death?"
- Current-Area-4291
Reddit brings up a lot of good points and fun new things for me to have anxiety induced nightmares about.
What other jobs would you add to the naked nightmare list?
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I have been left utterly bewildered by what some people believe is acceptable thought, conversation, and behavior.
Like... "Do YOU hear you?"
It shows when a person lacks life experience and/or brain cells.
Words expose everything.
And sometimes shock is all that is left to grapple with.
Redditor nlwfty wanted to hear about all the things people have overheard that left them utterly stunned, so they asked:
"What's the most out-of-touch thing you've heard someone say?"
I once a friend's friend moan about how she and her husband were nearly destitute.
Almost penniless.
All while she was straightening up the house for the new au pair they had just gotten from Columbia.
The Who?
Over It Maid GIFGiphy"My boss once told me to have 'the maid' drop my car at the shop. WTF!!"
amboomernotkaren
Be Happy
"'You won't be happier at work if we pay you more, but we need to figure out why workplace happiness is so low.' This coming from a guy that made 10x what I did and was born into old money."
Dirac_comb
"I had a job that was paying below market rates and 'expected' daily overtime (unpaid, natch) and was trying to figure out how to improve morale. They were considering bringing in consoles and having video game nights after work... as if we weren't stuck there too long already."
"I did have the fun of leaving, then being asked to come back as a contractor to help out, and taking advantage of being on a short-term contract and giving no f**ks to suggest that maybe they should consider at least TRACKING the overtime people were working, even if they weren't going to pay for it since there was probably a whole extra job's worth of hours in there and maybe hiring another person might improve morale and reduce the risk of the kind of errors tired people make."
"Didn't stay long as a temp. Apparently telling the truth and discussing facts with your co-workers isn't good for morale >_< They told everyone I was leaving because I got a better offer (!), but I told everyone exactly what was really happening when they asked XD."
princess_ferocious
It hasn't?
"My dad (who is now the Director of Accounting for the school district I teach for) was talking about how my starting pay was way more than his starting pay."
"I said, 'Well, yeah... The cost of living has increased a ton since then.' This motherf**ker straight up said, 'No it hasn't.'"
"He started working there in 1992. This conversation happened in like 2017 (about a year after I started working there). Again, he is the director of accounting."
pjsans
Move On
"'You seem sad.'"
"My mother to my sister, at her husband's funeral."
blarg-zilla
"My sister's son was murdered. Two weeks later my mom asked her if she was over it yet."
NeverCallMeFifi
"One of my sons was murdered 12 years ago. Many people started telling me that I needed to 'move on' after 4-6 weeks. My brother refuses to say my son's name, so I no longer speak to him. Sending my deepest condolences to your family from a mom who understands losing a child to homicide."
PDXer328
Good Idea!
New Girl Facepalm GIF by HULUGiphy“'I don’t know why people get big mortgages. Just save up for a few months and pay cash for a starter home!'"
Hopeful-Moose87
People with money always seem to have a plan, unless the plan is sharing.
FInd the Treasure
Dragons Den Television GIF by CBCGiphy"When people were complaining about not being able to afford housing/food/living in general, one of the Dutch ministers (I think he was a minister or at least the leader of a party) said something along the line of 'well, find a rich boyfriend then'. ah, yes, that will solve the crisis!"
pastelchannl
Dumbfounded
"I went to an Ivy League college with lots of children of extraordinarily wealthy families. When discussing inequality and its effects on housing, my professor briefly mentioned how mortgages are out of reach for a growing number of Americans. The girl next to me stopped the class, and with a confused face asked the professor why people don’t just buy their homes in cash outright because 'surely the interest means it will cost them more over time.' The professor was dumbfounded. I found out later that she is the heiress to a major luxury brand that you have all heard of."
wildblue2
The Increase
"My former landlord and his wife dropped by to tell me and my financially struggling 20-something roommates that they were raising the rent, by nearly 25%. They said, 'We noticed on Craigslist that neighbors had higher rent so we’re doing the same.' The wife then earnestly reminded us that we’ve been great tenants but maybe we just needed to find some higher-paying jobs. 🙃."
agingcatmom
Not Me
"I was waxing a woman’s eyebrows once and she was complaining that sometimes after she gets a massage the pillow leaves a circular indent on her face and she can’t go out to lunch after. She then asked me if that ever happened to me? I was like ma'am I wax people for eleven bucks an hour; I’m not going out to lunch lol, let alone getting massages."
lomi08
Investments
Money Invest GIF by ProBit GlobalGiphy"Something like: Give a rich person $500 and they will invest it into $1000. Give it to a poor person and they will spend it in a week."
"Yeah exactly give it to someone who’s needs are met and they can save… give it to someone who needs to eat/pay rent etc they will spend it to survive!"
ExaminationLucky6082
You need money to make money.
One of life's biggest lessons apparently.
So someone give me some money.
Do you ever wonder what it must've been like to experience major events throughout world history when reading about them in text books?
But if you take pause and actually think about it, we're living through many newsworthy current events that succeeding generations will be talking about long after we're gone.
Reading about them online or in newspapers is one thing. But seeing them happen unfold before our eyes is another.
Curious to hear from those who'll have anecdotes to tell in the future, Redditor "What is the most historically significant event you witnessed IN PERSON?"
People recall the natural disaster events they've witnessed.
Tremors
"1964 Good Friday Earthquake 9.2 Richter. Was a boy in Cordova, Alaska at the time."
– KitchenLab2536
"My father was skipper of the USCG cutter stationed there. He was inport, and when the quake struck shortly before 5:30pm, he and my mom gathered me and my three siblings on the front porch. At first, it felt like the house was crumbling at the foundation, but on the porch we could plainly see our whole world was shaking. I remember watching telephone poles swaying, and the wires snapping and crackling in the street. The quake lasted about five minutes initially. My dad got his ship underway to avoid the tidal wave which was sure to come. We had several aftershocks in the coming weeks, some of which were quite strong, though nowhere near as strong or as long as the quake itself. I was seven at the time."
– KitchenLab2536
Collapsing Freeway
"October 17th, 1989. I watched the 880 Nimitz freeway collapse during the San Francisco earthquake. The Honda in front of me had the upper deck crush her front-end engine compartment. The mother and her daughter were shaken up but completely fine."
"I was driving a convertible Triumph Spitfire, which was scratched up slightly from debris. However, I walked away unscathed. Aside from the fact I pissed my pants, which I didn't notice until much later."
– CatDaddyWhisper
Thar She Blows
"I sat on the roof of our house and watched Mt. St. Helens erupt less than 100 miles away."
– stinkykitty71
"This must have been fascinating and terryfing in equal measure. What a thing to witness."
– runrossyrun
"It was amazing! The ash that covered everything like snow was interesting to kid me, but less so to my parents."
– stinkykitty71
People recall seeing major catastrophes as a result of malfunctions or judgement errors.
Bomber Crash
"The b-52 crash that led to changing what large military aircraft are allowed to do for airshows."
"I didn't see the plane, but immediately saw the fireball. It was just a perfect, bright red turning to black mushroom cloud."
"Fairchild is a nuclear air base and there were a few minutes there where I was sure the world was about to end."
"A few years before a KC-135 doing the same thing crashed near the school while we were in class."
– goffstock
Tragic Takeoff
"I was standing on my front porch watching the launch of the Challenger."
– StarChaser_Tyger
"Was riding in my parents car to a basketball game in the next town over in north texas when we saw a shooting star and thought that was neat."
"It was the Columbia..."
– Misdirected_Colors
Demolition Gone Wrong
"The failed implosion of the Zip feed mill in Sioux Falls, SD in 2005."
"They hyped it up, sold tickets to it, had a big 'BOOM' marketing thing, and broadcast it live on TV."
"The explosives took out the main supports on the first floor, and the rest of the building above it just plopped down 10ft or so and came to a rest. It was a massive failure, and was a funny little blurb on news stations around the world that day. Definitely not major news, just the rest of the world taking 20 seconds to laugh at us."
"The building sat like that (the leaning tower of SuFu) for quite a while until they figured out how to safely demolish it."
"Here's a clip of the failed demolition."
– KitchenBandicoots
These well-known historical events were seen by very few who are alive today.
Historical Remnant
"The tumbling of the Wall in Germany… along with people selling bits and pieces of it on tables in lobby in front of commissary and px in the following weeks and months. I had picked up a chunk about the size of an oreo and kept it… has blue spray paint on the flat side. Wonder if anyone is buying them now?"
– SingedPenguin13
Major Upheaval
"I would have to say the LA riots. I lived about two blocks from where it started. I was on my way home from school and saw someone throw a brick through a window. I didn’t even wait. I just started running the whole way home."
– Scarlaymama0721
Day Of Infamy
"9/11, I could SMELL the collapse of the towers."
– go4tli
"A friend of mine was there. One day in the warehouse we worked in together there was an odd electrical burning smell. He stopped in his tracks and went 'this is what 9/11 smelled like.'"
– mantistoboggan287
I didn't physically witness the fall of the World Trade Center but I was living in New York City at the time.
However, I did see the smoke.
I was living up north in Washington Heights at the time and knowing what happened, uncertain of what was to come, and seeing the plumes of smoke from the attack site was the most ominous sight I've ever seen in my life to date.
Have you ever lived through a historic moment or witnessed something sure to be noted in history books? Let us know in the comments below.
People's Wildest 'WTF Is Wrong With You?' Experiences