People Break Down Which Jobs Would Be The Worst On A 'Go To Work Naked Day'
Hemant Latawa/Unsplash

Going to work naked is literally a thing I have nightmares about.

It's also literally a thing I could do because I work from home writing weird articles on the internet and nobody has seen me in the real world since, like, 2016 anyway?


So if, for whatever reason, my nightmare scenario were to come true I'd be fine. Cold, probably very annoyed with my dogs, but fine since I'm alone on home turf.

Reddit user willtrent16 asked:

“ 'Go to work naked day' is now a mandatory national holiday. Which jobs have the worst outcome from this? "

I used to work with kids. 5th-8th grade kids.

I don't know if you've ever met a middle schooler but they are possibly the most terrifying predators in all of natural history. My old job working with middle schoolers gets my vote; but Reddit had some awful ideas, too!

Spicy Rain

"Welders."

- Cold-Ruin-3973

"Ooh spicy raindrops"

- saltyboi6704

"Am a welder. Tig is the only one I’d do naked haha. Mig and stick have too much spicy rain coming from them lol"

- MarionberryNo3166

"Overhead Flux would have your pecker looking like Anakin at the end of episode 3."

- BigPapaNurgle

Pink Would Stink

"Insulation installers; pink fibreglass everywhere."

- JimmyJazz1971

"As an electrical apprentice who has been crawling around an attic all day, I can comfortably say f*ck pink insulation and who made that sh*t so itchy!"

- Brothersunset

"I can feel this everywhere right now."

- TotallyInOverMyHead

On Company Time

"Septic tank divers."

"But on the upside, if they need to take a dump they can just do it without having to stop working!"

- RiddlingVenus0

"Always sh*t on company time."

- wananah

"I physically GAGGED."

- Mrs_Watzitooya

Teacher Trauma

"Grade school teachers."

- Lallner

"People who are homeschooled are freaking out right now."

- Bobbyjoethe3rd

"Specifically, brand new high school teachers."

"When I was student teaching, I was 22. I was teaching 17 and 18 year old seniors. It was bad, but it would have been even worse with no clothes."

- TheLonelySnail

The Source

"I'm a biochemist in a venom analysis lab."

"When I’m not in lab isolating venom proteins in DMSO and other chemicals that can help facilitate the passages of normally non permeable molecules through cell membranes, then I’m harvesting the venom from the source."

" 'The source' being venomous snakes."

"Blue jeans are basically the best armor that doesn’t compromise mobility. I mean, tromping through tall grass probably SHOULD mean chaps but they don’t work against large enough snakes and not getting struck at all will always be 99.999% of the effective safety practices we have developed against snake fangs."

"So even if I’m ok with wearing thinner long pants in the field I’m gonna keep that layer of mesh between my family jewels and strikes. I’ve had 2 close calls in that exact region."

- craftmacaro

Cranberry Spiders

dig in bob's burgers GIF by HULU Giphy

"Working in a cranberry marsh seems like a really bad one."

"I’ve never been in a cranberry bog, but I know rice fields. If you're walking in water the goes up to your hips and it’s full of foliage or crops, it’s gonna wrap around you and it’s gonna get in some places."

"I would imagine trying to walk through a cranberry bog naked would not be fun."

- FlysDinnerSnack

"Also, cranberry bogs are filled with wolf spiders."

- Slant_Juicy

"I read an article about this that said:"

"'It turns out there’s a reason they ask prospective employees if they’re comfortable with spiders, and it’s a pretty wild one. You're going to have a hundred wolf spiders trying to climb your eyebrows during harvest.' "

"And now I want to know the spider leg quality control cut off point of cranberry products."

- CandiBunnii

"Today was the day I gave up eating all cranberry products for the rest of my life, thank you."

- dances_with_corgis

Hair Splinters

"God awful being a dog groomer. I get enough hair splinters wearing clothes…"

"Hair has a lot of structural integrity when its not long or old. It slices deep."

- Illustrious_Way_5241

"Hair splinters are SO annoying."

"I'm a Vet tech, I have to shave down pets for their surgical sites as part of the prep, I get them from that. I literally feel your pain."

- NurseMcStuffins

Nurse!

"Nurses, especially female nurses with all the creepy old men/altered mental status patients in hospitals."

- Less-Dirt-1673

"My germophobic self would rather get fired than have to go to work on this mandatory day."

- wankProcyon

An Hour

Excited Bear GIF Giphy

"Kitchen work in general."

"I'm a chef. Judging by the amount of burns on my arms, I would burn my penis off in like an hour."

- atx00

"Once, at the end of working in a seasonal cooking job, I made good on my promise to show up to work in nothing but apron and Crocs."

"I lasted ten minutes on the line before bailing to get something between my skin and hot grease. So I can confirm that cooking naked is a terrible idea."

- kdubmaps

"For line cooks, the amount of time we spend bending over to reach coolers and pans and whatever would be absolutely revolting, and aprons don't solve that."

"Apparently a former cook at my job never wore underwear and while standing beside the very hot grill, it heated the zipper of his pants enough it caused some minor burns on his member."

"That is how we ended up having in the employee manual for uniforms, that the employee must wear underwear."

- tachibana_ryu

"I had a coworker that was wearing the fire retardant chef’s pants, and he accidentally leaned up against the edge of the flattop for a couple seconds."

"He was fine, he literally didn’t even feel heat, but his pants were scorched to hell."

"It probably would have been 2nd or 3rd degree through normal clothes… naked, you’d literally be cooking yourself…"

- Toss_Away_93

Reddit brings up a lot of good points and fun new things for me to have anxiety induced nightmares about.

What other jobs would you add to the naked nightmare list?

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