Top Stories

Professionals Dispel Common Misconceptions People May Have About Their Jobs

Professionals Dispel Common Misconceptions People May Have About Their Jobs

[rebelmouse-image 18358936 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Do you remember that moment as a kid when you realized being a fire fighter was much more than just spraying stuff with a hose? And how maybe the job suddenly wasn't as cool as you thought it was? If you're only just now having that realization, we're sorry. We'll wait for you to collect yourself. You good now, champ? We, as a society, hold a lot of ideas about certain jobs that are just plain wrong... but we rarely stop to think about it.

One Reddit user asked:

What's a common misconception that the general public has about your job?

And now I'm just now finding out that not all geologists deal with rocks... like... what do geologists actually even do?!? We have no idea.

No Math Required

[rebelmouse-image 18358938 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Accountant - "You must be good at math."

Requires basic arithmetic.

Daycare

[rebelmouse-image 18358939 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Daycare employees-" I wish I could play all day for work" said every annoying parent.

No Cone Lights

[rebelmouse-image 18358940 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Air Traffic Control - Suicide rates aren't really that high in our field. Also we are not the people with the orange cone lights.

Can't Fix A Car

[rebelmouse-image 18358942 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

A mechanical engineer is not the same as a mechanic. I can't fix a car, I can engineer a mechwarrior bot.

Wait, So What Do You Do?

[rebelmouse-image 18358944 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Geologist - All I do is look at rocks all day.

Some of us do, but not all branches of geology involve rocks at all. I haven't looked at a rock for work since I've started down this path.

Desk Work

[rebelmouse-image 18358945 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Military - I kill people. Really I sit a a desk and overspend the taxpayers money

Chlorine Saves Lives

[rebelmouse-image 18358946 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Water treatment - "Chlorine is toxic and kills, get it out of my water!" Chlorine saves lives, 3.5 million people die each year because of untreated water.

Fix Your Own Phone

[rebelmouse-image 18350009 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

My recent job (still working through college) is web development.

I am not an IT guy. I don't know how to fix your phone.

$10 An Hour Isn't Worth It

[rebelmouse-image 18358947 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I used to work for Shell for about a year, in between slightly less s*** jobs. The only benefit was that I live in Oregon and it's not self service so the occasional person from out of state that isnt infuriated by the fact that they're not allowed to pump here, would give me tips for washing their windshield. I made a whole $27 one night! Lol The fact that it was exciting to me shows what kinds of jobs I've had in the past.

We weren't allowed to take lunch breaks (the real kind where you clock off and people leave you alone), but instead we could scarf whatever food we brought or could buy for full price at the station in between cars and hope we got to our lunch before a rush hit. The overnight shift was boring, but thats when all the weirdos came out, and so things could be kind of interesting, at least.

I'll never forget Justin, the pump guy who was ending his shift and taking all the trash on the property out, he had 5 bags to throw over into the side of the dumpster, and the bottom of the last bag had a tear in it, that he was unaware of. It was also full of about 30 diapers.... yeah... so the bag flew open and the diapers weren't exactly closed up very well and he was sprayed. It got on his face. In his hair. On his uniform.

The rage filled SCREAM that he let out was truly that of the most downtrodden minimum wage worker I've ever heard. He pulled his shirt off and came stomping into the store seething and shrieking every curse word he could possibly think of- and as soon as the smell hit us, we then knew exactly what had happened. That crazy mofo came back the next day, too. He didn't want to talk to anyone about anything for about a week...

If they had been me I would've quit on the spot. $10 an hour isn't worth being covered in human waste. It just isn't.

Poor Scumbags

[rebelmouse-image 18358949 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

All lawyers are wealthy scumbags. Just checked my student loan balance and can confirm some of us are, in fact, _poor _scumbag.

Not The Guy WIth The Hammer

[rebelmouse-image 18358950 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I'm a construction super. People assume that because I work in construction that I'm stupid. Let's see the average person look at a set of plans and wind up with a correctly completed building. Oh, and I have a college degree. Lots of us do. I'm not the guy you want running the tractor, or swinging the hammer. But guess who's got over 100 change orders in a year and turned the budget from a loss to a profit?

Video Game Developers

[rebelmouse-image 18358951 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Devs at corporate studios don't get a single bit of say in what features get coded into games most of the time. They coded in that pay-to-win system not because they thought it was a good use of their talents, but because they didn't want to lose their job. They didn't omit that feature you wanted because they thought it sucked, but rather because they already had a laundry list of features to implement and nowhere near enough time to implement them (and no say in the matter anyway). And that feature shipped super buggy because the project was on far too short of a deadline and QA didn't get an RC to test until the 11th hour and stayed up until 5am just to get sanities done at the very least before the game shipped. Yes, they know about that bug. No, there wasn't time to fully test it, fix it, and test it again before shipping. Yes, they put it in the queue for patch 1.1.

When I see gamers screaming on the internet about "lazy devs" and "greedy devs" it makes me want to scream right back "IT'S NOT THE DEVS YOU IDIOTS, IT'S THE CORPORATE AHOLE COPYING BUZZWORDS FROM KOTAKU ONTO HIS WHITEBOARD WHILE IGNORING THE GAME DESIGN DOCUMENT!!!"

No I Can't Choose

[rebelmouse-image 18358952 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

City planner, no I cannot get a [insert restaurant here], it's a free country if they want to build here (and follow the zoning code), they will build here.

Who's Your Favorite Artist?

[rebelmouse-image 18358953 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Stagehand - no we don't care, talk or hangout with any talent. To every person who asks: "Who's your favorite artist?", our reply will always be "the one who is writing my check." Sometimes we don't even know what artist we're working for. We're just here to put stuff together and take it apart again afterwards. We don't stay for the show half the time.

The Drugs Don't Kill You

[rebelmouse-image 18358955 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Pharmacist - I don't just count pills all day.

I counsel your grandma on her blood pressure meds, and her diabetes meds, and probably talk to her more than you do.

I verify meds so they don't kill you.

Paperwork - drugs have many regulations and the paperwork is endless.

I deal with the your insurance company. I figure out coupon cards that save you money when your insurance company decides to charge $150 for an inhaler.

I deal with your doctor not sending in refills even though we called seven times already

I make sure the drugs don't kill you.

I try to find alternatives for your medications because of the constant drug shortages that have run rampant for three years and only got infinitely worse since the hurricane in Puerto Rico where all our manufacturing plants are.

Cahoots With Big Pharma

[rebelmouse-image 18358956 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Physician-- that we charge and bill you for things and then laugh to the bank.

Except for small private practices, many of us are employed by large health systems, universities, etc. We bill and code based on strict legal regulations. Then I get a cut from the university/health system.

I don't just get to name my price and make you pay. Oh, and me and "big pharma" are not in cahoots. I get zero dollars from whatever prescriptions you fill.

Putting People In Jail For Money

[rebelmouse-image 18358957 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I'm a prosecutor and I hear defendants complaining all the time about all the money they have to pay for getting in trouble, and talking about how they're only being prosecuted so we can all make money. In reality, of course, my salary is the same no matter how many cases I do or what the outcome is. Same goes for the judge.

Dude, if I was putting people in jail for their money, I'd have my student loans paid off years ago.

Uber Driver

[rebelmouse-image 18358958 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Uber driver.

People think this isn't a job, or it's just barely one. "You just drive a couple hours and it's like a party, right?" Wrong! It's a 10-12hr a shift up to 6 days a week thing, heavy overheads, variable income, no job security, and lots of customers are aweful. You have to constantly worry over ratings, paperwork, maintenance, and so on. You don't get a social life, because the only productive times to be working are when normal people are having their nights out. You have to be able to navigate perfectly in places you've never been to before, but don't get caught looking at your nav or the customers will lodge an "unsafe driving - distracted driving" complaint. All operating costs are covered by you without reimbursement.

No other job requires an upfront ~$30,000 investment in equipment (a car), no benefits, no health insurance, depreciating value on your equipment (car losing value as you drive), dealing with customers, pay for all your own expenses (gas, car insurance), and risk of death, all for only~$10 to ~$20 an hour. Not worth it. I quit.

Mystery Shopper

[rebelmouse-image 18346831 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I'm a secret shopper and people think it's a scam. It's not. I get to go to fancy restaurants, apartments and hotels. I pay and they pay me back plus whatever rate they have offered and I agree to. I get to test drive nice cars and learn about latest products. I choose which jobs I take and therefor make my own schedule. I NEVER have to ask my friends to buy stuff they don't want. The worst I might have to ask is for them to come out to dinner with me and I'll pay. This only happens when my husband is sick and I promised to get a job that requires two people done. Those are always fun anyway because I never rope him into real "work", only the fun stuff like movies and bowling. It's a lot of work and it's not for everybody but it's not a scam.

Groundskeeper

[rebelmouse-image 18358960 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I'm a commercial grounds-keeper. You'll often see me tending to some shrubs in a parking lot or mowing grass on a boulevard. I'm dressed in rags and I get many looks of pity or even disgust as people think I'm basically a slave or mentally-challenged. I have 40+ sites under contract. I have employees but still enjoy being out there getting dirty. I dress like that because I can. I clear six figures easy, owe nothing and my people are paid as much as plumbers and I rarely turn-over staff. I've had trashy, greasy-haired, scabby, single-mothers basically tell their kids that if they didn't stay in school they'd end up like me. LOL you ain't raising kids who are gonna work half as hard as me and the whole bunch of them will be emailing me 'resumes' in a couple years.

H/T: Reddit

(c) Oh Myyy LLC

People Who Wouldn't Quit Their Job If They Won The Lottery Explain What They Do

Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked: 'People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?'

lottery tickets
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

However not everyone feels that way about their job.

So what are these compelling careers?

Keep reading... Show less
Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?

Two women laughing
Photo by Dave George on Unsplash

Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.

More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.

Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.

Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.

Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:

"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"

Don't Give Me So Much Credit...

'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."

"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."

"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."

"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"

"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher

Eternal Optimism...

"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."

"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465

Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...

"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”

"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”

"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia

Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office Giphy

Double Whammy!

"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."

"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93

Can't Hide Your DNA...

'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."

"She cracked the code."

"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93

Self-Sufficient!

"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."

"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."

"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'

"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody

Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations Giphy

A Miracle!

"My brother-in-law’s comment."

"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."

"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."

"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."

"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."

"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."

"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"

"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn

Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...

"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."

"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."

"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."

"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."

"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379

Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K. Giphy

A Bit Too On The Nose?

"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."

"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."

"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."

"'What would you expect to find there?'"

"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB

Not Yet, Anyway...

"I was working with my friend and his dad."

"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."

"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."

"His dad asked, 'what for?'"

"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."

"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890

Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...

"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."

"She told this story to him:"

"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."

"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."

"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."

"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."

"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."

"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."

"She asked him what was wrong."

“'What’s wrong???'"

"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714

On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO Giphy

Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...

"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."

"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52

Read The Room People!

"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."

"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."

"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"

"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl

There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".

As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.