Times change, and if you don't change with them you're likely to get left behind. That simple piece of wisdom applies to pretty much everything - up to and including the job market. It seems like a lot of older didn't get that memo, though.
So I'm standing in the store with my mother and she starts in again asking me when one of us (she means me, my partner or the father of my children) are going to get a "real job." All three of us freelance and she just cannot fathom why we would choose not to have a steady 9-5 job that offered benefits and a retirement plan. Of course I've tried explaining that they're not that easy to come by, but she is the head of HR for an international company and has had the same position for longer than many of you readers have been alive. She "grew" with the company and doesn't grasp how rarely that happens anymore. She's never faced a world where a company isn't willing to pay what she's worth, doesn't offer benefits, and certainly doesn't view employees as family members. We freelance because it pays way better and it affords us the freedom to not have to pay for daycare or aftercare costs - and almost nowhere offers health benefits that we can afford anyway, sooo... ?
One Reddit user asked:
And I kind of want to send all of these responses to my mom, but I'd rather not get into a fight that I know will last 42.68 lifetimes - so I'll passive aggressively write an article instead!
It's All Online
As someone who works in HR, please don't apply for a position in person unless you are specifically told to. Almost all applications are done online now. If you drop off a resume, you are actually making me do the work. I would have to create a candidate application profile in your name using your resume, apply on the job, and move you to the interview stage if you were selected.
When people fax or email resumes, I usually throw them out because I literally do not have the time to apply on your behalf. Older people think that it shows 'initiative' but it's actually a huge inconvenience and shows me that the applicant refuses to follow directions and cannot complete tasks as instructed.
You Can't Just Walk In
That you can't just walk into a company and walk out with a job. My dad and his friend walked into a factory in the early 80's and both left with a job (my dad still works for the same company to this day) he can't understand why I'm finding it so hard to find work now...
My dad thought the same thing. Then he retired from his 30 year job and went to look for work to keep himself busy. He later apologized, he really didn't think it was as bad as I told him it was until he started looking himself.
When I was unemployed my mom told me I should work for Google because they pay a lot and she heard it's a good company to work for. I told her I have a bachelors in a liberal arts field, and I'm not qualified to work for Google. "But you're so smart! If you just talked to someone there they would hire you because you're charming and intelligent! I would hire you!" I love my mom and I appreciate her confidence in me, but that's not how any of this works.
Loyalty Is Out
It's much more competitive, and much less rewarding. You don't owe the company you work for with extra unpaid hours or your loyalty and submissiveness since you aren't rewarded for that anymore, at least certainly not like they used to. Loyalty isn't the name of the game anymore. Flexibility is. You get a better opportunity at another company? Take it.
This is why job hopping is much more common now. Not because of "entitled youths", just because loyalty just isn't effective anymore. Loyalty is no longer rewarded and down right taken advantage of by the generation who reaped the benefits of being loyal. It's not their fault (individually at least), the hypercapitalistic society gave way to an economic crisis and as such cuts in salary, firing a lot of people and less rewards. A more capable workforce (more degrees) also leads to more selective and competitive employee choosing.
The job market changes over time, and the generations that grow in them are adapted to their situation. While the best move for them was loyalty, right now it's flexibility and adaptability.
The problem is they don't seem to understand that, and whine about the "lazy and entitled" younger generation.
My company gave me a .5% you read that right half a percent. I told my manager I quit. He got mad at me I told him half a percent is just pissing in my face and calling it rain. If your company isn't giving you at least a 2% raise every year then you end up basically losing money after inflation and cost of living. Inflation in my area was like 5%. I asked him why I was getting paid less today than when I started. I showed him the math and told him about my rent increases. With that, he had enough ammo to get HR to come back at me with a legit raise.
They couldn't train anyone else so he gave me a bigger raise so they didn't lose me. I told him he needed to talk to HR and sort it out because we were a separate department from sales which is where they were losing money. The big company model ends up punishing people for the shortcomings of others rather than rewarding individuals.
I like my job but yeah I have resumes circulating constantly. I have worked here for 3 years and I have taken maybe 5 job interviews. Its just constantly being open to something new. Its always better to move to a new company and get a raise that way than to wait for the awkward realization that the place you work is trying to keep you on as cheaply as possible.
Find a new job every 2 years.
At one of my last jobs they hired a guy who lied on his resume, and didn't know how to do anything design or civil related. He got terminated within a few months, and I found out he was hired on making a little less than double what I made.
It honestly a f*cking joke. Companies refuse to pay their existing employees a competitive wage, so they all just deal with the merry go round expenses of turn over and hiring new people exponentially more than just keeping their existing employees happy.
I wish loyalty was a value. I think it makes a work environment cancer when you have to walk into your boss's office with an offer in hand to receive any meaningful/competitive raise.
My dad was telling me how my friends must be really lazy if they haven't found Christmas break jobs. I tried to explain that we live in a college town area, near a big city, and that all the Christmas work (what little there is to begin with, why hire seasonal employees when you already have enough staff?) is already taken by October by all the college kids who already live in the area. Not only that, but trying to get a job back home when you're cities or even states away is really hard. How do you show up for an interview if you're across the country? But he just didn't get it.
He really expects businesses to hire someone for 2-3 weeks during Christmas break. Seasonal jobs start hiring in at least October nowadays and are considered months long positions not weeks long.
I got a seasonal job over the summer. I started in April (which ended up being later than my coworkers) and they expected me to go through October, with some employees going to January. Seasonal is just code for no benefits. The only people who had been there for long were just desperately hoping to get a full time position after putting in years of physical work for less than you'd get at f*cking Target.
Do It For Less
There's so much competition nowadays. We now live in a global economy. No matter what I do, there's someone out there willing to do it for much less.
My boss was paying this accountant $20.00 an hour to do the books. Then he fired him when he realized he could pay some college kid minimum wage who's really wanting to build a resume. Now our new accountant is making minimum wage. The kid is pretty smart. I'm not hating on him at all, but it's just a good example of how a surplus of human labor nose dives wages.
There's sooooo many humans that are competing.
Happens in the IT world too. High School kid knows just enough to keep the computer systems running that were maintained by the professional who was costing the company $70K per year. Kid will do it for a buck over minimum wage. All works fine for a year then something breaks. Kid tries, messes up really bad and splits. Costs $100K for two weeks to clean up the mess.
Fun fact, some employers are required to post job listings, even if the position has been filled before the listing is even created.
My mom works for a school district. They have this requirement. Since it's a public school job (she gets state benefits, etc,) I don't know if it's a "company" policy or a law, but they either shift people around to fill from within, or hire someone's friend/family member instantly when a position opens, BUT they're still required to post the job and pretend it's available, except nobody who applies externally gets called.
Pretty sad, and a good demonstration of how the job market is in the USA currently. We're apparently at record lows for unemployment. To me, that means everyone's family members stepped up their efforts to help each other out.
How much people have been taken out of the equation in job searches.
A lot of these online application portals are automated. It's not a person reviewing your application first. It's an algorithm scanning your resume and cover letter for key terms and assessing your responses to any additional questions in the application.
Tell the computer what it wants to hear, and you might get to the human review pile. But if you don't, it will reject you regardless of your qualifications.
It Takes So Long
I was informed by my employers that my services were no longer required... or even wanted... in June of 2014, after 10.5 years with the company.
I took a week "off", where I just relaxed like I was on vacation... I hadn't had more than one day off in a week for something like two years... and then began doing the job hunt thing.
At the start of the hunt, I was filling out five applications a day for jobs that were legitimately in my wheelhouse, and sometimes up to 15 or 20 for ones that I could do, but my background didn't look it (computer repair, for example: I've never worked in the biz, no classes, etc, but yet I've been doing such stuff for myself and others for close to 20 years).
Nothing. I didn't get my first interview for a month, and that was a failure... mostly because it was one of those "pay us money and we'll hire you!" jobs. I didn't realize that when I applied.
After six months, I maybe was filling out five "real" applications a week. After 11 months, I was about to jump off a ledge. I did get hired at that point, but it was getting close.
I had filled out close to 500 applications and gotten 10 interviews. In a year. And I suspect that my numbers are nothing uncommon.
"Bother Them Until They Hire You" Is The Worst Advice
My grandmother is always telling me to "bother them until they hire you" and if I say no I'm met with "you have no idea how the world works yet" which infuriates me to no end. It's like yeah they will definitely hire me if I come in every day and ask about a job even if they say they aren't hiring.
You cannot go and "check-in" on your application (aka contact them about the job after submitting an application). Most places will mark you as a Do Not Hire because of this, saying that it makes you impatient & desperate.
Source: I've seen a couple of people who work in hiring say that this is a policy that they've been told to uphold, including my own supervisor.
After I graduated from the police academy at 21 years old, I had the worst time trying to explain to family that after submitting an application I was specifically told any attempt to contact them (the police department) first would result in my application to be immediately withdrawn. They never believed me until they took it upon themselves to try to call about my applications and it was immediately withdrawn right on the phone. I did eventually get a job at an entirely different department, but it took a lot of damage control. It's no joke.
I was on the interview panel for a job we were advertising, I was filling in for the manager who was on leave so I didn't even really have much influence on who would be hired anyway. One of the applicants added me on LinkedIn straight after the interview, with a message asking how long until he finds out the result. I had to declare it to HR and to the rest of the interview panel because it was a potential conflict of interest. Even though he was a good applicant it did undermine his application because it came across as pushy, like he was trying to curry favor to get the job, as well as extremely inappropriate.
9 - 5Giphy
The jobs young people are applying for are legitimate jobs.
Older folks think if you don't work M-F from 9-5 it's not a real job that you can use to support yourself and family.
"Just Move" - How?!
A lot of older (and affluent) people tell me "Just move out of state! You'll find a job easy!" But then I ask them with what money will I put down on an apartment when I can't afford to move out of my parent's place even as I scrape together saving. All my family lives within 30mins. I don't have aunts or uncles that live in a different state so I could apply there and bum the couch til I'm on my feet.
They also don't realize how little job security there is. I'm currently long term substitute teaching in a district where the teachers haven't had a raise in 4 years and don't have a contract. You'd think a job that involves educating our youth would be more secure.
And even though I perform all the duties of a teacher, I get paid 1/3 of the wage of the other teachers. The only benefit I am getting is mentor ship and my provisional which is good, but this is the second long term position I have gotten and I still don't seem to have enough experience or something for a full time permanent position. Everything is competition and being a college graduate with honors and all the honor societies you could want still isn't enough.
Trade Is A Viable Option
I'm 27. Didnt graduate high school. I went to trade school for automotive technology (mechanics) I wanted to be a mechanic. Ive always been into cars and motorcycles, anything with wheels anyway. Met some people whilst buying cheap cars and motorcycles on CL and reselling them. I was also in to aircooled VWs. I'm was pretty inclined for a 20 year old, it wasnt just The schooling, it was more,the passion for it.
I have been doing auto body for 9 years now, taught by my peers and a drive to achieve quality, lots of hard work nonetheless.
I make better money than most my age with debt and degrees, with great benefits.
Find your passion, work hard, and be assertive!
Adjusted For InflationGiphy
Adjusted for inflation, I make about the same per hour that my mom did at my age, though I have a master's degree and she has no college degrees.
Tech Is Your Friend
As someone who hires people: Boomers need to embrace technology. If you walk into a job interview where i'm trying to find someone to make low 6 figures in sales and you say things like "I don't do computers and cell phones" - chances are you are not going to get the sales job. We might offer a warehouse position for a wage you don't want.
Not saying all Boomers are like this but there seems to be a larger subset of Boomer individuals who just shun modern technology. Even though they grew up and have lived during the amazing technological leaps and bounds of the past 50+ years.
Home or Office? Pick One.
Cost of living is astronomical and companies are in a constant competition to see whom they can pay the least to do the most, and work-life balance is hugely important. Sitting in an office twiddling your thumbs when it's not very busy benefits exactly nobody. I have an aging parent; this is going to require me being home sometimes. Like it, don't like it, but if the older generation wants their kids to take care of them when they're old, they need to actually understand that that involves either 1) working from home or 2) not being in the office. They just can't have it both ways: have us working ourselves sick or taking care of them at home.
The Factory Down The Street
My grandma told me when I was 17 looking for work that she used to be able to quit the factory one day and finish a shift the same day at a factory down the street. I told her it's not that simple anymore and she was surprised.
Out Of State Secretary
That you usually can't get a job in a new city before you move there. Every time I tell my dad I'm ready to leave Los Angeles and try (insert city here) he tells me that I need to make sure I have a job before I move. That only works for specialists-- doctors, lawyers, engineers. No one is going to hire a secretary who lives in a different state.
Inked And WorkingGiphy
That tattoos won't stop you from getting a job. Every time I get a new tattoo my Nan says 'you'll never get a job looking like that'. Like... I work in a bank. Nobody cares how tattooed my body is as long as I don't steal account details or piss on the photocopier.
Literally Fewer Jobs
That between increasing population and increasing automation there's literally fewer jobs now than there were 40 years ago. Especially in "entry-level" work. (For instance manufacturing output in the USA is the highest it's ever been while manufacturing employment is the lowest it's been)
Flexibilty For All
I'm going to take a different approach to this question and speak from someone as if they were already working in the market. Older generations do not understand the need for a flexible/remote work environment. Why do I need to sit in an office to do something I can do from a laptop on the beach, in a coffee shop, or even at home? Also why am I expected to work 8 hrs? 9-5pm is archaic. What used to take 8 hrs (filing, physically writing notes or documents, speaking to others) now takes way less time. Cut work weeks to 32hrs or 4 days a week but don't cut pay, New Zealand did it, and it's worked. https://www.seattletimes.com/explore/careers/a-4-day-workweek-new-zealand-test-run-shows-a-surprising-result/
Phones, text, email, laptops, internet have all made our jobs easier and have eliminated the need for paper and while we are using these tools to our productive advantage we are not using them to our flexible advantage.
People Break Down The Exact Moment They Realized They Were Being Manipulated By Someone They Trusted
Manipulation is designed to be stealthy. We hardly recognize it when it's happening to us because our abuser has forced it to appear under wraps.
But when we recognize it for what it really is, we really feel like we've been smacked across the face. There is no other descriptor for it. Usually we've trusted and loved those that manipulated us.
A Platitude Of Pleasing<p>You never know where the next blowout is coming from. Any time something needs to be addressed, you might try to bring it up once, gently, if you're feeling brave. If you meet the slightest bit of resistance, or you don't feel like that fight in the first place, you just go "okay dear" instead. You find that you'll put the argument off until next time, and hope that whatever you thought to bring up won't have any consequences, because you'll be hearing about those, too. It sucks, and I'm glad you can speak about it in the past tense.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/TheGreatestAuk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">TheGreatestAuk</a></p>
Wrong Or Right Or Just Not Agreeing?<p>When I started realizing that I was feeling like I was constantly walking on eggshells. I never knew which version of my friend I'd get when we saw each other, or when we hung out. I also just completely stopped disagreeing with them because I didn't want to hear them tell me how wrong I was if we didn't share the same viewpoint.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/WhatArcherWhat/" target="_blank">WhatArcherWhat</a></p>
Being Used<p>My best friend suddenly distanced herself from me. But every now and then she'd call and ask if I wanted to do something, and I was encouraged because I thought it meant that things were still good between us. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that she only called when she wanted to do something that required a ride, since she didn't have a car. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I don't use people that way so I didn't recognize user behavior. You can bet I do now.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Goldeverywhere/" target="_blank">Goldeverywhere</a></p>
Hiding The Receipts<p>I was living with my former best friend and his gf at the time. When I asked for grocery receipts (I trusted him & his ex to buy groceries bc I didn't have a car at the time + our work schedules were different so I couldn't go with them) and they wouldn't provide any. The only reason I became suspicious was bc they started asking for a ridiculous amount of money for my half and the actual amount of food wasn't adding up. Up until that point they never asked for a crazy amount and I was content with our groceries, but I noticed they became extremely greedy. When I then asked to see a banking statement, they wouldn't even provide me with that either.</p><p>At that point I just realized they were finessing me out of extra money and I started buying my own food. I just bit my tongue bc we only had like 2 months left on the lease. They tried to gaslight me and make me seem like the bad guy any chance they had (almost the entire time I lived with them actually). Eventually, I grew apart from him once I moved away and the only reason he hit me back up was bc she cheated on him so he probably didn't have anyone else to turn to (go figure). We don't talk anymore.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/0MG1MW3T/" target="_blank">0MG1MW3T</a></p>
Ah Yes, Good Old DARVO<p>My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship. She's always encouraged me to tell her what's wrong, however, any time I would she'd immediately go "sorry I'm such a terrible mother, I give you everything you want and it's still not good enough! Why don't you just go live with someone you don't hate?" Keep in mind this happens over small things such as "mom, I'd appreciate it if you'd knock before coming into my room. You know how easily I startle and you barging into my room really upsets me"</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/paytonc0510/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">paytonc0510</a></p>
How Do You Do This To Someone<p>8 years into the relationship. As we're sitting down he explains to me that the "first couple years" we were together he only saw me as a place to crash and free rides, but he loved me NOW, and even though I accomplished all the goals HE set for ME so we could get married he said "I never really thought you could do it". Oh and also you got fat, but don't worry we can fix it! It was like a magic veil lifted and I finally saw who he really was. F**k you James.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/DoNotUseOnHumans/" target="_blank">DoNotUseOnHumans</a></p>
Be My Friend And Not Theirs<p>She always managed to make me do things I didn't really want to do but the last straw was when she decided I had to stop being friends with two mates of mine over something stupid that offended her. </p><p>Cut her off over that and she then proceeded to act derisively ("you'll come back"), then badmouthed me and then begged me to take her back. Ten years later I am still friends with those two guys and she's still out of my life.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/FatherTedHackett/" target="_blank">FatherTedHackett</a></p>
Victim Time<p>When literally every time me and my mom talked she played the victim.</p><p>I was trying to help her raise me, ask me about my grades and stuff. For her I just existed, she wasn't responsible at all.</p><p>I grew up watching her play the victim to others, and I was always on her side, cuz she's my mom you know. Also I never really understood what was going on.</p><p>I started getting older and older, and seeing sh*t after sh*t she did. I understood what she did to my father, to my step-dad, to my sister, to her friends.</p><p>Probably I'd be the next one who she would use and throw away.</p><p>I talked to her... and you know the result. The victim. Nothing it's her fault.</p><p>The last time we talked, I was expecting the victim card. When she started speaking, I already knew what was going to happen. I didn't even said a word, I just agreed with her, and the next day I moved out. I'm not wasting my time.</p><p>It was the last day before quarantine, I remember it as if it was yesterday. Friday night: saturday morning I was packing my stuff.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/NotFromHeel/" target="_blank">NotFromHeel</a></p>
Sixteen Years Of Made Up Lies<p>After 16 years of marriage I realized my now ex was manipulating me. I would work and take care of the house and if I asked him to do something like get a job or clean up he would stage a mental breakdown and make me feel bad for asking him for help. </p><p>He would play up a horrible childhood or PTSD from the military to make me feel like I need to take care of him. Then would play on his computer all day and smoke while I worked. </p><p>Found out that a lot of his horrible childhood stories were made up and that he never made it through basic training in the military. I am happily with someone now but still catch myself cringing when he does things like cook or clean thinking that he is going to yell at me for being lazy. Meanwhile he loves me and is just doing things to take care of me. I'm working on deprogramming myself.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/HolyCelestialCow/" target="_blank">HolyCelestialCow</a></p>
Sometimes It's The Mother-In-Law<p>Took me until after the engagement to realize that my cheating ex fiancee was trying to browbeat me into submission.</p><p>Anywho, I quickly recognized emotional blackmail and manipulation from my MIL after getting married to a different girl years later due to that experience. I called her out on it.</p><p>She... Doesn't like that. But since my wife and sister-in-law and brother-in-law also recognize it they've got my back.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/engineertr1gg/" target="_blank">engineertr1gg</a></p>
Just as new mothers encounter the sudden, influential developments of powerful hormone changes, protective instincts, and milk production, so new fathers undergo some key changes of their own.
Their socks become exclusively white, climbing higher up the calf than ever before. All their shorts sprout cargo pockets and clunky belt loop cell phone holders. They start to really lean in to their old records.
Regional Laws<p>"Dad, driving past a cemetery: Did you know anyone living in a 3 mile radius of a cemetery isn't allowed to be buried there?"</p><p>"Me: No, I had no idea. How come?"</p><p>"Dad: Yeah, you're not allowed to bury the living"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1d2k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TinyLuckDragon</a></p>
For the Face Plant Image<p>"Why do Scuba Divers fall backwards off a boat?"</p><p>"Because if they fell frontwards they'd still be on the boat" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjv4mt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">hatsnatcher23</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Just told this one to my bf and he still has his face in his hands" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjka0w7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">sxeoompaloompa</a></p>
A Mammal of Few Words<p>"What did the father buffalo say when his child left for school?"</p><p>"Bison" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp257?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">TatooineLight</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"LOL" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjp9p0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">BennuH</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Told this to my brother, he laughed his a** off." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4cvq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Type10Civilization</a></p>
Baggage<p>"When I do home improvements I always use my step ladder"</p><p>"I never knew my real ladder" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjlkab?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DavosLostFingers</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Whoever took the ladder, please return it or further steps will be taken." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjm2htz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WaldhornNate</a></p>
Woah Woah Woah, We're in Public<p>"Me: I'm not very hungry, I just want something easy"</p><p>"Server: maybe the chicken strips for $6"</p><p>"Me: maybe it does, but that doesn't help my hunger" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjuq78?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mcnoobs_</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My husband was facepalming for solid 8 minutes after I read that joke to him." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjnee7m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Madanax</a></p>
Not Wrong<p>"Two dudes were on a boat with a few cigarettes, but they didn't have anything to light them, so they threw one of the cigarettes out of the boat, and the boat became a cigarette lighter." </p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjjkeoz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">OrangeMirrorJuice</a></p>
Watch the News Before Saying This One<p>"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?"</p><p>"It's okay, they eventually woke up."</p><p>"I cringe every time." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk0ej7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">unicorndreamz94</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"My 10 year old tried this one a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I had just read news about a missing local girl. 'So I answered that yes I heard about the missing girl' Scared the sh** out of my 10 year old" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjo3ssv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Aubear11885</a></p>
Got a Million of Em<p>"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fshhhh."</p><p>"I'm sorry but I'm about to say something tasteless. Water."</p><p>"I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. I took a day off."</p><p>"Unfortunately though, I can't really tell these jokes since I'm not a dad. I'm a faux pa."</p><p> -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk9igl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WholeGrainMustard</a></p>
G-Pa With the Physics Humor<p>"Why does the movie "speed" have no director?"</p><p>"If it had direction, it'd be called velocity!"</p><p>"-my grandpa, earlier today" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk4wdo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ConceptUpset4681</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"That's better than a regular dad joke. It's a grand dad joke." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkuc30?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">VaultBoy9</a></p>
A Surprising Amount of Elevator Humor<p>"I have a joke about elevators."</p><p>"It works on so many levels......." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjk1lrv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">M0ntgomatron</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Did you hear about the corruption at the elevator company?"</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"It went all the way to the top." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kyz64a/whats_the_best_dad_joke_you_know/gjkyjrp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">RandomName222222222</a></p>
Cleaning up is hard enough when it's just clearing a month of dust bunnies. Can you imagine cleaning the debris left by murder, suicide and violence? I have a really great friend who used to do crime scene clean-up for a living. The pay is incredible; it starts at $55 an hour. But there is a much higher cost in mental well being. Death affects you in ways you don't always feel immediately. My friend has stories of nightmares, depression and pain after leaving scenes of horror. Why make all that money just to spend it on therapy? It takes a certain type of person.
***TRIGGER WARNING. CONTENTS ARE SENSITIVE ***Redditor u/MemegodDave wanted to hear from the people who have the stomach to come in after crime and tragedy
to try to bring back some form of normalcy to the location by asking... People who make their living out of cleaning murder scenes, accidents and the like, what is the worst thing you have experienced in your career?
Wrapped Up<p>Dad had to saran wrap a guy's intestines back into his body once.</p><p>Dude had surgery and pushed too hard on the toilet. Dude was fine, according to Dad, just holding himself together on the toilet while a group of firefighters tried to figure out why the hell they were sent instead of paramedics.</p><p><em>Update</em> When he pushed too hard he opened a scar on his torso/ab area and it all fell out onto his lap. Should have mentioned this when I wrote the post. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gko9lq0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">noblemile</a><span></span></p>
Flesh<p>One that stuck with me was a suicide in a bathtub, we couldn't drain the tub, so had to use a coagulant then scoop up the bloody mess into biohazard bags. Same for the toilet. Another was a suicide by gun in a basement full of boxes which was a nightmare to clean as even the smallest bit of flesh had to be found and cleaned up. The smell of the smallest piece of flesh meant the job wasn't done until it was found. </p>
Walk Away<p>Medic here, first responder to a motorcycle collision. Guy who crashed was a friend. He'd been torn in half and almost decapitated.</p><p>Had to walk away from the scene and let my driver and another crew handle it. Think about it daily. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gko4y58?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Sabre-23</a><span></span></p>
All over the House<p>I posted this on another thread so just copy and pasted it but this was one that I had to do</p><p>Clean up after a murder. It was a rehab house for ex cons, 4 bedroom house with communal bathroom and kitchen. Sunday morning and guy A is in his room listening to music pretty loud, guy B is in the kitchen cooking his breakfast, B knocks on A's door and tells him to turn it down, there's a small argument and B returns to his breakfast and A turns his music up. So B grabs the biggest knife in the kitchen, kicks in A's door and stabs him through his left shoulder, entering by his collar bone. </p>
"ride-alongs"<p>Not a cleaner, but my brother's best friend is a police officer and I heard all about this horrible experience:</p><p>My brother's friend took him on "ride-alongs," all the time. One day, they were responding to a welfare check. This guy's neighbor saw his apartment door cracked open for several days and called the police. They went to check it out and found a college student (18-19) who had shot himself. </p>
Melt Away<p>When I was a bartender, a couple of clients told me the worst part about the job is cleaning melted bodies.</p><p>I don't know the science behind that, but from what I understand is if a body stays for a while in a certain condition of temperature and humidity, it melts. And those guys have to remove that person's remains in buckets. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknsqfm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kaynny</a><span></span></p>
Audrey<p>I had a great uncle who helped clean up the bodies left behind by hurricane Audrey in 1957 and he said that the smell persisted in his nose for weeks after. It got so bad that he went to the doctor to see if they could do anything and they clipped all of his nose hairs and the smell went away. It was explained to him that the smell had soaked into the hair but I don't claim to know the validity of that statement.</p>
Hazard<p>One of my first jobs after moving I did this, and the job that had me walking wasn't even a scene as described. We did all types of hazmat cleans and the worst was actually a couple went on vacation and came back to backed up sceptic. Think about 1 ft thick hard dried out crusty sceptic waste spread throughout the entire 1st floor of a house. Not going further into detail here. Was nasty.</p><p>Septic, not sceptic. On break and mobile, so yeah... </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknvzn8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kamenovski</a><span></span></p>
After the Crash...<p>Working for a tow truck driver that get the calls after crashes. The worst one for me was a family of 6 coming back with over 10 pizzas for a baseball team. It was a head on with a tractor trailer (18 wheeler). The ambulance took the bodies away of course, everyone died but one little guy. There was so much blood and vomit, diapers, toy dolls covered in blood, the pizza was everywhere inside of the car like 2" thick on everything and all over the road. </p>
Fresh Meat<p>Friend of mine does this.</p><p>His worst was an elderly woman who died in a bath. Skin falls off like long cooked meat. So he just saw piles of skin/flesh</p><p>God just writing this makes me gag. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/l48wk3/people_who_make_their_living_out_of_cleaning/gknwqwu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PlagueDoc22</a><span></span></p>
We all know the telltale signs that something is making us uncomfortable. Suddenly, we begin shaking, either in our hands or knees or toes. Then, usually, sweat starts pouring out of every part of our body, making it look like we just ran through a rainstorm underneath a waterfall. Finally, we lose our regular speech functions. Everything goes out of sync and our words don't match up to what's in our minds.
What's interesting is that what usually brings about these fits of uncomfortableness differs from person to person, as evidenced by the stories below.