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I love the reactions of parents when their little precious one utters its first words; it's like a high holy holiday. Parents can't get over that moment. From the second we are born we're trained to start gabbing. Communication is key in life, and once that milestone takes off, it's all pride and fun... until it's not.
My favorite parent reaction is when precious spits out some naughtiness in public, then parents cower in shame. And I'm like... what'd you expect, that's what you asked for, their using their words. That's you fault.
Redditor u/Great-Plateau wanted to hear from parents about those times kids have left them wanting to throttle by asking... What's the worst way you've been embarrassed by a child?"Lowkey"
If I were a parent I wouldn't teach my kid to speak until they were a teenager. That is an appropriate amount of time for them to learn what is appropriate when engaging in public dialogue. I get frustrated when my dog barks out of line at the dog park or in the yard past sundown so I can't imagine my reaction of a toddler shaming strangers with sass, that they probably lowkey picked up from me.
I'm 5
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I was bagging a lady's groceries and her kid asked me, "why are you so fat?"
My brilliant comeback was, "why are you so short?" To which he replied, "I'm not short, I'm 5."
No Donuts for you!
When my son was six, walking through LAX and he's complaining that I wouldn't get him donuts (running late for our flight).
I'm holding his hand and walking along and all of a sudden he stops and starts screaming... "STOP IT I DON'T KNOW YOU! SOMEBODY HELP ME I DON'T KNOW THIS MAN!"
I'm snarling at him under my breath "dude you gotta stop that right now you can't say that crap, that's not funny". But oh no he keeps it up until the cops show up...
Missed flight... everyone staring like I was some piece of crap trying to kidnap an innocent kid.
Did not get him donuts.
Lions Oh My
I don't remember this story but my mom tells it all the time. When I was five my mom took me into the stall in the women's rest room because she had to go. She had been in there awhile and the bathroom had been crowded so she asked me, "can you take a look and see if there is a big line out there?"
I excitedly screamed, "A LION?!?" And flung the stall door open.
There was a big line.
Big Terry
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When I was a kid, I was fascinated by how grown ups went to the bathroom, to the extent that I would demand to accompany any adult so that I might observe their technique.
One day, at my "uncle" Terry's house (so named because he was close friends with my dad, not an actual blood relative), I watched him pee, then ran back into the living room with my parents and proclaimed "Dad! Uncle Terry has a much bigger pee-pee than you do!"
The Stench
I'm a preschool teacher, we were on the outside playground and it was a hot day. A kid fell off the swing-set so I rush over to check on him. He's full on sobbing, leans against my body then pulls away suddenly yelling "Eew! I don't like the smell of you!"
I couldn't even laugh it off.
"HaHa"
Now that is a lot of funny, for the single and childless bunch. I can give credit where credit is due, every now and again kids do say the darndest things and they do often espouse some knowledge. But a majority of the time they turn adults ten shades of red. But observation is observation. You just have to stress about utilizing the inside voice. Here are some more examples of championing the "hush."
Ahoy....
My little sister is ten years younger than me. When we were maybe 5 and 15 or so respectively, we were walking through a restaurant parking lot when a big group of bikers exited to their bikes. These guys had the leather get-up, the bandanas on their heads, chains, the works. My sister pointed to them and exclaimed "LOOK, PIRATES!"
They didn't think it was funny.
Keep Smiling
My child was 3 while we were waiting in a doctor's office. An exquisitely dressed elderly woman was sitting next to us and started talking to my son. Kid is fascinated by all the sparkly jewels and such, and says, "I love your shiny necklace, and you're pretty earrings...and your yellow teeth."
The Queen
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My wife was out with my 2yo daughter who pointed at a lady wearing a traditional Indian dress and stated "piss-ed." The lady probably heard "piss-head", but what daughter was trying to pronounce was "princess."
The Webs...
I had some people over and my 4 year old nephew starts shouting "is anyone here afraid of spiders?" Once he had everyone's attention, he told us all that if anyone was afraid of spiders they needed to leave because he found cobwebs, and cobwebs mean spiders. He then proceeded to point out every single cobweb in the house to our guests.
Full of It
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My little brother likes to tell people that my tummy may look like it's full of fat. But it's actually full of love. It's both sweet and awkward.
So Emotional Baby...
I had to take my four year old to the doctor and while we were in the waiting room a nearby toddler started crying VERY loudly, like scream crying for whatever reason. My son waits until the other kid stops, does a very dramatic lowering and shake of his head then YELLS "He has problems with emotions huh mom?!?!" Which is him trying to talk the way I talk to him when he's coping with big emotions but good god the way it came out and the volume was... mortifying.
Don't Say THAT!
When my sister was 9 she shouted "white power" while waiting in line at Dorney park. We are Hispanic.
My brother yelled this out at a black owned bbq restaurant. The Clayton Biggsby Dave Chapelle skit had just been released and we were laughing about it at home. My bro thought it would be funny to quote in public not knowing at all why it was funny.
Wow. Really?
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Made myself lunch yesterday, two sandwiches because one wouldn't cut it. My eight year old asked me if I was a bear eating to get ready for hibernation. Sick burn.
It Wasn't Me
When I was 8 years old, I had a girl in my class with down syndrome. I always made it a point to be friendly with her and include her in things, and I even went over her house a few times. Halfway through the year, she would make up these bizarre scenarios and stories, and would drag me into them for some reason.
The teacher would constantly call me out in the hall, and have these "meetings" with me about things I wasn't even involved in or knew anything about. I was a painfully shy 8 year old, who didn't have a ton of friends, and hated all this unwanted attention.
So I started to distance myself from the girl after that. She told her mom that I was leaving her out things because she was different. The mom told the school. The school called my mom and told them I was bullying her.
But no one believed me, when I told them she was making things up. I was 8 years old at the time.
I'm 29 now. My mom constantly brings it up to random people and family members how I used to "bully" a girl with down syndrome. But when I try to explain my side of the story, no one ever believes me. And also, I was 8. It was 21 years ago. Give it a rest.
No Poo Please
At a cafe with my eldest daughter, who was 4 at the time, the waitress comes over to our table and asks my daughter if she would like a drink or some food. My daughter looks up at her and says "The parts of my drink that my body doesn't want come out as wee. The parts of my food that my body doesn't want come out as poo."
That's Big!
This was about a year ago, right before things started closing due to covid. I forget exactly where I was, but I needed to pee so my son and I went to the bathroom. We went into the handicap stall so there would be room. We'd been teaching him body parts at home, and right as I start to pee he yells out, "Daddy your penis is way big! Mine's little but yours is so big. Daddy! Daddy! Your penis is big!"
I was all like "sshhhhh, yes it's bigger than yours because my body is bigger than yours." When we came out of the stall, everyone was averting their eyes. I don't think they were embarrassed or anything, I think they were just trying to pretend like they didn't hear anything for my sake.
That Damn 15!
Upon seeing my younger cousin for the first time since I left for college, she shouted, "Oh my god! Are you having a baby?!" in front of my entire family. I wasn't pregnant. I gained that freshman 15. Instantly stopped drinking as much and started going to our campus gym every weekend when I returned to school.
Not Now!
I was on a plane trip with my three year old. He used the tiny restroom then I did. There was a line. I thought I'd secured the door but hadn't. He slings the door open to tell me something he was excited about. There I sat in open humiliation for all the line to see. I had to convince him to let me shut the damn door!
"Ned"
Not me, but I once lived with two friends of mine when we were about 27. One friend had an 11 year old brother, and he was staying with us for the week while his folks were out of town. Not being used to hanging out with little poophead 11 year old boys, my one buddy "Ned" would joke around with the kid whenever he asked a question, and he asked a LOT of questions. One day the kid asked Ned what he did for a living. Ned, trying to be funny, told him he was a doctor (he was not). The kid calls his bluff and asks what kind of doctor he was. Ned jokingly says, I'm a butthole doctor, a response that naturally got an incredulous reaction out of the kid.
Flash forward to a few days later and we are all out having lunch together. Ned runs into a girl he met on tinder, and introduces her to all of us, the kid included. When she meets the kid, she asks him jokingly "Oh! So what do you think of Ned?" To which the kid responds "He's a weird guy. He told me he's a butthole doctor." I don't really know if he ever saw that gal again.
Sweet Kisses...
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My 3 year old son was with me in Macy's at a jewelry counter. I asked the clerk a question.
My son asked why does she have such a huge mark on her cheek? The color draining out of my face, I quickly recovered and said, "That's where God kissed her." The woman said, "Congratulations. That's the best one I've heard so far."
"Inside Voice"
Kids are cute. They are also a whole world of trouble. I think that when it comes to the words that fall out of our mouths, we all can be kids. Who hasn't spoken out of turn and not realized until it was too late? See, behavior does carry over. Inside voice people. Learn that lesson early.
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For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
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"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
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"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
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What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
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Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
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Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...