When someone catches you off guard or only sees a snippet of conversation things can get weird really fast. Sometimes these misunderstandings can be mortifying and often they lead to a solid laugh. Or both, you know like what happened between an old roommate and me involving a certain glow-in-the-dark adult item. But let me explain...
At the time I sold adult novelties for a MLM (Passion Parties) we hosted a ladies' night at the house where women got to look at products, try the lotions, and scrubs, and other more adult items. However, one game we played was taking a certain “member" that had a suction cup on the back (and glowed in the dark) and placing it somewhere in the room--first one to spot it during the party wins a body balm sample.
However, the ladies were having fun, and afterward, I was tired and did just basic clean up, dishes etc. I forgot about the game. So the next night I'm not home and get a message from one of my roommates. Her boyfriend found it and boy was he surprised!
After a long day at work was carrying a laundry basket and bent down to grab a random sock or something....he stood up and right at his eye level, jiggling a little from the movement, is an eight-inch, half glowing item starting him in the face. BOING!
Did I mention he was from a conservative small town in Pennsylvania? No? Yeah that made things interesting.
Also, he had no idea about the game, or that such things existed, only that a few ladies had gotten together for a ladies' night in. So he was a mixture of shocked, curious, and a bit concerned. That one was fun to try and explain. Still wish I could have seen his face.
Redditor smol_boi-_- wanted to hear everyone's embarrassing moments and asked:
"What's your best 'it's not what it looks like' story?"
“I had been going over to help her up, honest Officer!”
“I was walking along one night with my wife and we bumped hips accidentally. I bumped her again, she bumped me back harder and it escalated from there. For my final victory I timed it just right to knock her into a lamppost so she fell over, laughing. ‘Whoop whoop’ a Police car had come up behind us and only seen the killing blow.”
“She instantly started laughing so hard at the absurdity of it that tears were streaming down her face and they grabbed me to stop me attacking her any more (I had been going over to help her up, honest Officer!). It took quite a while for her to stop laughing enough to explain, longer still for them to believe us...” anomalous_cowheard
Add a shovel and some lye and you've got a party...
“Invited my friend on a hike, needed to get my bottle from the trunk. Forgot that I had to move some painting supplies earlier. The face when your tracksuit-wearing Eastern European friend opens a trunk lined with garbage bags, rolls of plastic wrap, and a hatchet in the middle of woods was priceless, but do not recommend. Hard to argue ‘is no problem, just had to move messy things, do not worry’.” NoMickeyMouseBusines
That was in the other bag...
embarrassed jane levy GIFGiphy“When I was 16 my boyfriend's (now husband's) parents took me on a beach vacation with them. His dad was kind enough to carry my luggage to my room and his face was bright red. I just thought he was hot..."
“But my boyfriend came in and goes 'soo.. my dad says your luggage is vibrating'. I had one of those handheld face washing devices that you put a little makeup remover pad on in my bag and it had turned on. His poor dad thought I had brought a sex toy, so I actually had my bf take it down and show them what it was so they wouldn't think poorly of me lol. We all had a great laugh." Pham-Poet
It's ok he's my dad...
“A few years ago I went with my dad and my then baby sister (I was 17) to get a cake and once we did I was holding her while my dad was paying. The cashier called my sister cute and said I looked good for someone that just had a child.”
“Being the genius I am I laughed and said I was only 17 and the cashier instantly went wide eyed assuming something you could guess about my dad and my relationship (he has a good amount of white hair so he looks fairly middle aged in comparison to me). Before I could say anything she was sort of stuttering/avoidingly asking if we were a thing until I explained that he was my father and that the baby I was holding was not my daughter lol.” Radhihowru
The forbidden scratch...
“My manager was working in the office one weekend and had bad eczema. As no one was around he dropped his jeans and started going to town on his thighs. A cleaning lady walked in, took one look at him and walked out again.”
“What makes it worse is on the Monday, his manager wanted to speak to him about a completely unrelated "sensitive issue" - he thought he was getting fired” appocomaster
It wasn't fisting...really!
girl fisting GIFGiphy“FINALLY!!!! I can tell my stupid story. I've suffered from left leg sciatica since I was about 14. Turns out I had something wrong with one of the facets in my lower left hand spine (since corrected with surgery)."
“In high school, I discovered the only way to heal a flair up was to have someone legit dig into my left butt cheek. Instant pain relief as the muscle calmed down and the nerve relaxed."
“Once in 11th grade, I had my girlfriend over to my parents house and we went downstairs to watch a movie. While we obviously messed around down there all the time, this was actually very innocent. I had a flair up and she offered to "massage my a** cheek" to help with the pain."
“I laid Across her lap face down while she went to town. Felt soooo good to not have my leg be on fire. Anyway, dad walks downstairs and in the dark. He immediately screams 'whoa omg I'm sorry!' And runs upstairs. I had to go and explain what was up. I'm almost 30."Awit1992
“Don’t worry I won't tell your mother...”
“In high school, borrowed my parent's van to take my gf on a date. We went out for dinner and then to a friend's for a bonfire. she changed in the van from a skirt/tights to sweatpants in between.”
“Next day my dad pulls me a side and he's holding her tights. I start saying, ‘it's not what it looks like’ but he cuts me off and just goes on about ‘I want to make sure you guys are being safe, don't worry I won't tell your mother, etc.’” zcmini
People Break Down Their Greatest Accomplishment On The Internet | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Asks me what the hell I was doing, and I get to awkwardly explain...”
“Driving back to college from my grandmas house, holding my hand up to my ear to hear myself better as I practice for a choral performance a couple days from then. Cop pulls me over, is surprised to see that my phone is actually packed away in the back seat when he asks me to retrieve it.”
“Asks me what the hell I was doing, and I get to awkwardly explain the thought process behind hearing yourself better when holding a hand to your ear.”
“After a long stoic pause I panicked and couldn't think of anything else to say so I went ‘just try it!!!’ And started singing on the side of a two lane highway in the middle of bum f**k nowhere. He let me off with a warning.“ SynchronizedCalamity
“I live in not the best neighborhood in Brooklyn and a few weeks ago I was walking my girlfriends small black 3 legged dog late one night. There's a lot of guys that hang out by a busy corner drinking/smoking on their stoops, one of them went to take a leak by a buildings trash area.”
“He was facing the building with his back to me. So, as he was peeing, Pepper (the dog) decided she was going to be stubborn and just sit down. I kept trying to get her to get up so we could go home. As I was calling her and telling her ‘come on, lets go’ the guy peeing locked eyes with me through a mirror that was in the trash pile.”
"’Ey, yo WHAT the F**K’”
“He couldn't see the dog I was talking to because she was 10 ft behind me in the shadows. He thought I was trying to fight him WHILE I was watching him take a leak. Not at all the case.”
“As he was zipping up and turned around Pepper hopped up and trotted by and broke all the tension. He was like ‘oh sh*t, my bad! I didn't know you were talking to the dog‘. We laughed about it and carried on our separate ways.“ FlatbushRocknRoll
Who even does footsies anymore?
“Was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and his friends. All of a sudden his friend yells 'No! No, no, no, no! Nooooooo,' while looking at me in horror. I then respond 'What's the matter,' smiling and trying not to laugh at his randomness."
“He then screams 'STOP PLAYING FOOTSIE WITH ME!' After a really awkward 5 seconds he realizes it was my dog nudging him wanting to get his attention."
“I took out my little baggie of salt...”
“When I was traveling around the Netherlands, I kept breaking out in canker sores. My mom always told me that rubbing salt on the canker sores helps them heal quicker. So as I was traveling, I put a little bit of salt in a ziplock baggie and carried it around with me.”
“Well while I was sitting on the train, I took out my little baggie of salt and started rubbing in on my canker sores. People kept giving me the DIRTIEST looks and months later after telling this story to a friend, I realize it's because it looked like I was gumming cocaine.” superrach
Looked like a couple of bears and not the scary kind...
life gamer GIFGiphy“Me and my friend were working on our motorcycles, fixing some electrics. We needed some acid free vaseline for that, to keep them from corroding. We decide to step on our motorcycles and head for the hardware store.”
“By the checkout, 2 25 year old dudes in all motorcycle gear, getting a tin of vaseline, and a 18ish cashier girl. It dawned on us when we got a startled look from the cashier, and after that it was all jokes. Good times.” ZZrenz
He was just cold...
“One winter morning it was laying on my bed facing down watching cartoons on the tv. It was so cold that my hands were hurting, so I decided to put them under my body just below the stomach to warm them up. My dad walked past my room and saw me, I remember he reacted very surprised and came into the room and sat right next to me. Ladies and gentlemen this is when I got the so famous ‘talk’ because he thought i was beating my meat.”
“I was the most confused boy trying to understand why he is talking about touching my PP and women. It was so horrifying i had to explain myself that i was only warming my hands!! He still doesn't believe me. Cheers.” Pure_Statsitician919
Somethings you just can't explain away...
“As a young mechanic in the 80s, I was test driving a customer's car when it stalled and wouldn't stay running a block and a half from the shop. My boss eventually arrived, and I had him go back to the store to get a long piece of vacuum hose and a large can of carb cleaner, which burns like fuel in the engine. I connected the hose to the intake, ran it inside the car, and was able to spray carb cleaner into the intake to drive the car back to the shop without us calling an expensive tow truck.”
“However, when I was almost there, the straw that pushes into the spray nozzle popped out, causing me to spray a LOT of carburetor cleaner into my pants. When I pulled up to the shop the burning sensation was just starting, so I sprinted to the bathroom, dropped my pants, and was splashing water on my junk at the sink in the employee bathroom while making dramatic noises of agony.”
“Suddenly the door opened and I found myself face to face with a diminutive old Japanese man. He took in the scene of me howling and splashing my junk messily, his eyes widened, and he shut the door quickly all in less than 3 seconds. When I came out a few minutes later there was no sign of him.” MentORPHEUS
No, really officer!
“Me and friend 1 went over to friend 2s house. He was still in the shower so we decided to climb in the window by his front porch. As friend 1 made it through the window I made an offhand comment about the people in the car down the street probably think we're breaking in.”
“Two minutes later the cops are knocking on there door. We were just laughing while we waited for friend 2 to get dress and tell the cop what had happened.” RonaldMikeDonald1
It wasn't that kind of movie...
“OOO!!! I got one for this! I was a freshman in college and some friends of mine (one year behind me, so seniors in high school) were in an English class called Film as Literature where the final project is a student movie. They decided to do an old black and white noir aesthetic but the script was slapstick comedy a la Naked Gun.”
“They needed me to fill in as a police officer to pull over and arrest the femme fatale character because plot. So we slap a green spinning light on top of my car as the siren (remember, black and white movie) and at night had me pull over my friend and forcibly remove her from the car, handcuffing her and ‘arresting’ her by putting her in the backseat of my car (smashing her head on the car door along the way).”
“Somewhere around take 3 or 4 of this, an older lady comes down the road and stops us mid scene. The woman refused to talk to any of us except our femme fatale to ensure she was safe, but the absurdity of why we had our friend handcuffed and were repeatedly stuffing her into the back of a PT Cruiser was a highlight of the film. I think the lady even got a shout out in the credits.” SoCalHomestarmy
“Ah, that's where it went"
“I took the girl I wanted to date and her best friend, who was cute in her own right to a Ren-faire. They both dressed up really well for the faire. They got changed after in the car before we went out to dinner because the costumes were restrictive. All went very well.”
“The three of us had a blast together. A month later I go for a flight review for my pilots license. The instructor goes to sit in the passenger seat of my car but I have a local map book there. He goes to close it up, and my friends bra falls out into his hand. ‘Ah, that's where it went’ was all I could get out to his raised eyebrow.” Starrion
The universe got jokes...
“Late night dinner with the family, we come out to get in my Green 97 Honda Accord. Except it's not my car. It's a bait car. 3 squad cars pull up to "catch" me with 3 kids and my wife. I explain the situation and point out my car a few yards away. Cops look at each other, the kids, and then throw up their hands and walk away. I know I ruined a perfectly good sting because I subsequently lost that car to...wait for it...auto theft..” accidentalpyro
Why are kids so weird sometimes?
“I had once tied my best friends hands behind his back with packing tape for a walk to the shop. Don't ask why because I don't even know, it was just kids being stupid.”
“As we were walking down the road with him walking in front of us, a police car pulls into a bus stop and calls us over. Of course, my best friend doesn't see or hear this, so he's just wandering away with his hands taped behind his back until we get his attention and call him back to explain we were being dumb.” mikeybinns
“...pants down around his ankles, wearing only his tighty-whities, and a sheepish grin."
Jack Black Smile GIFGiphy“I was probably 14-15 years old and mowing the backyard. As I'm mowing I feel something in the right leg (thought area) of my jeans. I stop pushing the mower and stand still to see if I get what I thought I felt when it moves further up my thigh. I press it against my leg and unbutton my jeans. I manage to reach in with my free hand and pin whatever the hell this thing is against my leg so I can finished getting my pants down on the right side.
My pants fall to my ankles as I grab a huge cockroach off my leg and chunk it. Right after I do and before I can bend over and grab my pants, my mom walks around the corner and stops dead in her tracks.
She was born in Japan, "What you doING?" I told her there was a roach in my pants. She doesn't say anything else, just turns and walks back into the house.
I don't know what she came out there for and if she believed me, but even now I can't imagine what plausible explanation she would have accepted for her son to be standing next to a running lawnmower, with his pants down around his ankles, wearing only his tighty-whities, and a sheepish grin." knobbydaddy
Note to self--avoid public place when you can't help but be awkward. What's your most embarrassing misunderstandings? We'd love to hear them in the comments.
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Being let go from your job is never a pleasant experience.
Particularly if it comes out of nowhere, without any possible warning that this was a possibility.
Even if it isn't any more pleasant, generally speaking, most people have at least an inkling of why they were let go.
Budgetary reasons, dissolved departments, being told you weren't meeting company standards, or bad blood with the boss.
As well as some less common, highly unusual reasons which at least might make a good story down the line.
Redditor Sweetlo123 was curious to hear from people who were let go from their jobs, and why they were met with this fate, leaving them to ask:
"What did you get fired for?"
For Standing Up For What's Right.
"We were told we get OT for night work."
"The new 'company manager' let it slip that we don't actually get OT for night work, so when I was scheduled for five nights in a row working on a transmission line cell site I mentioned that I expect everyone working from our company on site get OT."
"Once it was said that we won't get OT and that it wasn't an actual policy (was written in employee handbook), I forwarded the email chain to the entire company and leadership at Verizon."
"I was canned, but now everyone gets OT for night work."
"My life is better now anyway and got my people what the deserve."- drklunk
This Was Never Going To End Well...
"Aggressively squeezing breakfast muffins lol."
"I was a few days into working at Mcds and someone complained I gave them a muffin that was too hard-they bake them at like 3 am and sit in a warmer all day."
"This was before they had the full bakery menu, I think muffins was the only thing baked and maybe cookies."
"So my manager told me to squeeze them before I hand them out."
"Me being a dumb teenager squeezed the s*it out of these muffins and got another complaint."
"They stopped scheduling me, haha."- eatmyknuts
You Have To Do The Work To Get Paid...
"I just stopped working and began only attending meetings."
"Lasted almost 9 months that way before they let me go."- frantictossing
martin freeman sleeping GIFGiphyWrong Time, Wrong Place
"I was fired after a month into my first job at a local pizza joint when I was 16."
"They called me during the Super Bowl and said I had to come in."
"I told them I was out of state without a car so no way I could make it."
"They said I should’ve known this was one of the busiest days of the year and I should’ve stayed in the area."
"I came in to work my next shift and they just gave me my paycheck and said they had to let me go for not being a team player."
"10 years later I was fired from a job in tech because I refused to move out of state."
"This one hurt a lot more."- seventyfive1989
Hard Not To Say They Had It Coming...
"The company's timeclock software ran off of the computers time, so when I was late I would just close the software, change the time back to before shift start and then clock in and change it back."
"The supervisor who showed me the trick fired me."
"A day or two later he saw me pulling in late, and when he went over the time info that day, it showed me clocked in on time."
"He knew why."- Grief-Inc
Nepotism Always Screws Someone Over...
"Worked at a gas station and was a sucker for the free soda."
"I would drink a few 24 oz glasses of Dr. Pepper (don’t judge) per shift and had to piss relatively frequently."
"I usually worked with the same lady every shift and every shift my drawer came up short even like $10-20 bucks."
"One day my usual co-worker was off and I worked with another lady who warned me to watch my drawer around the other and hers had been short when she was around."
"That got me to thinking."
"The next shift with the usual lady I stuck some receipt paper into the lip of the bottom of my drawer and hit the bead."
"When I came back the paper was on the floor."
"My drawer was short $20 at shift change and my boss fired me."
"I told her of my findings and asked her to review the security tape."
"She told me to f*ck right off the other lady had been there years."
"I left heart broken and rented some VHS tapes to indulge in and recover."
"One of the movies was Casino and man is that a good movie."
"Come to find out the usual lady was the boss lady’s cousin and they f*ckin told people I knew I got fired for stealing money."
"I though about calling a lawyer but also, I was in high school and was delusional I suppose."
"I got out of that town after high school and rarely return, especially considering all my family moved off."- woohhaa
Snl Smiling GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyThe Age Old Story Of Men In Power
"Caught the boss stealing."
"So he fired me."
"His word vs. mine and it didn't go my way."- freezingprocess
People Tend To Get What They Deserve
"Embezzled almost $500,000 from the doctor's office I worked at."
"Oh no, wait."
"That was my former supervisor who did that...26 years after she fired me for taking home a left over slice of pizza after a drug rep hosted a pizza party for the office staff."
"Karma can take a long time, but it always comes through."- YourFront
Late To The Game...
"Being the last hired when they instituted layoffs."- BubbhaJebus
Some Plans Can't Be Cancelled
"1970s YES 'Close to the Edge' tour."
"I had my tickets and had the request approved for time off, they changed their mind at the last minute and would not let me off."
"Pfft."
"Left anyways and was genuinely surprised when I got back on Monday and they informed me that I was fired."-AmandaBRecondwith
Treat Others Like You Want To Be Treated
"My boss was talking sh*t about me to employees, and I confronted her with 'how would you expect the people below me to respect me when you show them that you don’t?'"
"She didn’t like it and literally went crying to the owners, who then fired me for 'causing problems'.”- Successful-Snow-562
For Literally Doing What They Were Supposed To
"I got fired for slacking off and underperforming at work by taking my legally required lunch."- 10leej
Hungry Lets Eat GIF by TRTGiphyThey Couldn't Have Waited One Day?
"Worked as a QA tester for an online game company."
"Found bug while on my personal account at home."
"Came in the next day and reported the bug."
"I was VERY clear I found the bug while playing at home on my personal account."
"It was a nasty bug that let you duplicate very expensive items."
"A few weeks later someone in customer service was checking the logs for people exploiting the bug."
"They found mine and the company decided to fire me on my birthday."
"That was around 15 years ago but it still upsets me every year, on my birthday."- PedanticCyborg
While most believe "ignorance is bliss", anyone handed a pink slip deserves to know why.
Even if sometimes the reason gives no closure whatsoever, and instead only results in even more questions.
Certain locations really damper on a good time.
For instance, it's not fun to do it in cramped spaces.
Looking at you, airplane bathrooms and backseat of cars.
Many cannot be bothered to maneuver in some odd location.
Beds. Beds are sexy.
Always were, always will be.
Redditor sasukelikescarrots wanted to hear about the places we should all avoid when getting it on, so they asked:
"What do you think are some overrated places to have sex?"
Elevators.
One... I'm claustrophobic.
Two... there is not enough time.
Fatal Attraction lied to us y'all.
The Worst
The Beach Summer GIF by Kel CripeGiphy"The beach is the worst."
thotsnprayers68
"I hate sand so much so I agree with you."
Millionsmoney
Let Alone Two
"Airplane bathroom. Too cramped, and smells gross. Keep your Mile High Club pendant."
REUBG58
"I was thinking this too. I am also willing to bet that 99% of people who claim to be in the Mile High Club are lying through their teeth. Seriously, there's barely any space in those lavatories for one person, let alone two, and it's a little hard to get aroused when you're worrying about turbulence and people waiting to use the toilet knocking on the door."
Fresh-Hedgehog1895
Just Why?
"Public toilets... Why would you even..."
Reznik81
"The only reason I can think of is being a kid of an overprotective parent in high school and you want to desperately get it on with your boyfriend. Public restrooms are the only option sometimes. (Experience)."
I-couldbeadog
Too Wet
"The pool and the shower."
GrilledStuffedDragon
"I hate the shower. I think it was a comedian who said, 'I’ve never been having sex and thought you know what would make this better… If one of us was freezing.'"
"I personally like the shower cause my partner likes to be in the water and I like being cold so it works out cause sex gets me pretty warm anywho."
BOOboUraisin23
"The shower is for foreplay, not sex. Pretty much every time we shower together it’s a given that it will lead to sexy time, whether we were planning on it or not/in the mood or not…. intimacy and touching, etc.,?…. we just B-line for the bedroom. But sex IN the shower?… no."
Jibber_Fight
And a Happy Meal?
happy ronald mcdonald GIF by McDonald's CZ/SKGiphy"McDonalds ball pit…"
ami2weird4u
"They have a cleaning machine that can clean all the balls and it's all sanitary. I think that could be a really good time"
copper_basket
Have some decorum people.
I'd go to Burger King.
Check Please
Applebees GIFGiphy"The men's room at Applebee's during Happy Hour on a Tuesday."
Thiccaca
"Oddly specific."
some1sbuddy
Bad Idea
"Car sex."
Shrikeangel
"I spent my teens and early 20s having sex in cars. About a year ago (I'm almost 40) the wife and I are out and in the mood so let's have sex in the car like we used to. Bad idea, how the f**k did we used to have sex all the time back there, now it's uncomfortable and I got a cramp in my leg."
Psyco_diver
"Yes. The handful of times I’ve tried this, it’s always been so cramped and you need to keep repositioning or someone bumps their head. I guess it could be fine if you had one of those huge American tanks, but cars here in Australia never have that much room inside."
StellarSandDweller
Oh Lord
"Churches and graveyards. I've done it in both, and it's not really that great."
filly_fanatic
"Never in my life have I thought either of those locations sounded like a fun place to have sex. I guess if you have a kink for getting caught then it's as good as any because there's this perception of it being sacrosanct, but it just seems at best uncomfortable and at worst going to get me on a registry somewhere.
"hopeishigh
The Waves
"Waterbeds. One of my GF's had one, and I *hated* it. It's impossible to get traction or the proper angle."
disturbednadir
"Good call. There’s nothing to push off of. Nowhere to plant knees either. A true s**t show."
SocialMediaSoooToxic
"I knew there was a reason why I forgot about my waterbed! Thanks for reminding me about that abomination!"
TinyCamp7743
Wow. I mean. Y'all have really gone out and experimented fully.
Congrats.