When someone catches you off guard or only sees a snippet of conversation things can get weird really fast. Sometimes these misunderstandings can be mortifying and often they lead to a solid laugh. Or both, you know like what happened between an old roommate and me involving a certain glow-in-the-dark adult item. But let me explain...
At the time I sold adult novelties for a MLM (Passion Parties) we hosted a ladies' night at the house where women got to look at products, try the lotions, and scrubs, and other more adult items. However, one game we played was taking a certain “member" that had a suction cup on the back (and glowed in the dark) and placing it somewhere in the room--first one to spot it during the party wins a body balm sample.
However, the ladies were having fun, and afterward, I was tired and did just basic clean up, dishes etc. I forgot about the game. So the next night I'm not home and get a message from one of my roommates. Her boyfriend found it and boy was he surprised!
After a long day at work was carrying a laundry basket and bent down to grab a random sock or something....he stood up and right at his eye level, jiggling a little from the movement, is an eight-inch, half glowing item starting him in the face. BOING!
Did I mention he was from a conservative small town in Pennsylvania? No? Yeah that made things interesting.
Also, he had no idea about the game, or that such things existed, only that a few ladies had gotten together for a ladies' night in. So he was a mixture of shocked, curious, and a bit concerned. That one was fun to try and explain. Still wish I could have seen his face.
Redditor smol_boi-_- wanted to hear everyone's embarrassing moments and asked:
"What's your best 'it's not what it looks like' story?"
“I had been going over to help her up, honest Officer!”
“I was walking along one night with my wife and we bumped hips accidentally. I bumped her again, she bumped me back harder and it escalated from there. For my final victory I timed it just right to knock her into a lamppost so she fell over, laughing. ‘Whoop whoop’ a Police car had come up behind us and only seen the killing blow.”
“She instantly started laughing so hard at the absurdity of it that tears were streaming down her face and they grabbed me to stop me attacking her any more (I had been going over to help her up, honest Officer!). It took quite a while for her to stop laughing enough to explain, longer still for them to believe us...” anomalous_cowheard
Add a shovel and some lye and you've got a party...
“Invited my friend on a hike, needed to get my bottle from the trunk. Forgot that I had to move some painting supplies earlier. The face when your tracksuit-wearing Eastern European friend opens a trunk lined with garbage bags, rolls of plastic wrap, and a hatchet in the middle of woods was priceless, but do not recommend. Hard to argue ‘is no problem, just had to move messy things, do not worry’.” NoMickeyMouseBusines
That was in the other bag...embarrassed jane levy GIF Giphy
“When I was 16 my boyfriend's (now husband's) parents took me on a beach vacation with them. His dad was kind enough to carry my luggage to my room and his face was bright red. I just thought he was hot..."
“But my boyfriend came in and goes 'soo.. my dad says your luggage is vibrating'. I had one of those handheld face washing devices that you put a little makeup remover pad on in my bag and it had turned on. His poor dad thought I had brought a sex toy, so I actually had my bf take it down and show them what it was so they wouldn't think poorly of me lol. We all had a great laugh." Pham-Poet
It's ok he's my dad...
“A few years ago I went with my dad and my then baby sister (I was 17) to get a cake and once we did I was holding her while my dad was paying. The cashier called my sister cute and said I looked good for someone that just had a child.”
“Being the genius I am I laughed and said I was only 17 and the cashier instantly went wide eyed assuming something you could guess about my dad and my relationship (he has a good amount of white hair so he looks fairly middle aged in comparison to me). Before I could say anything she was sort of stuttering/avoidingly asking if we were a thing until I explained that he was my father and that the baby I was holding was not my daughter lol.” Radhihowru
The forbidden scratch...
“My manager was working in the office one weekend and had bad eczema. As no one was around he dropped his jeans and started going to town on his thighs. A cleaning lady walked in, took one look at him and walked out again.”
“What makes it worse is on the Monday, his manager wanted to speak to him about a completely unrelated "sensitive issue" - he thought he was getting fired” appocomaster
It wasn't fisting...really!girl fisting GIF Giphy
“FINALLY!!!! I can tell my stupid story. I've suffered from left leg sciatica since I was about 14. Turns out I had something wrong with one of the facets in my lower left hand spine (since corrected with surgery)."
“In high school, I discovered the only way to heal a flair up was to have someone legit dig into my left butt cheek. Instant pain relief as the muscle calmed down and the nerve relaxed."
“Once in 11th grade, I had my girlfriend over to my parents house and we went downstairs to watch a movie. While we obviously messed around down there all the time, this was actually very innocent. I had a flair up and she offered to "massage my a** cheek" to help with the pain."
“I laid Across her lap face down while she went to town. Felt soooo good to not have my leg be on fire. Anyway, dad walks downstairs and in the dark. He immediately screams 'whoa omg I'm sorry!' And runs upstairs. I had to go and explain what was up. I'm almost 30." Awit1992
“Don’t worry I won't tell your mother...”
“In high school, borrowed my parent's van to take my gf on a date. We went out for dinner and then to a friend's for a bonfire. she changed in the van from a skirt/tights to sweatpants in between.”
“Next day my dad pulls me a side and he's holding her tights. I start saying, ‘it's not what it looks like’ but he cuts me off and just goes on about ‘I want to make sure you guys are being safe, don't worry I won't tell your mother, etc.’” zcmini
People Break Down Their Greatest Accomplishment On The Internet | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Asks me what the hell I was doing, and I get to awkwardly explain...”
“Driving back to college from my grandmas house, holding my hand up to my ear to hear myself better as I practice for a choral performance a couple days from then. Cop pulls me over, is surprised to see that my phone is actually packed away in the back seat when he asks me to retrieve it.”
“Asks me what the hell I was doing, and I get to awkwardly explain the thought process behind hearing yourself better when holding a hand to your ear.”
“After a long stoic pause I panicked and couldn't think of anything else to say so I went ‘just try it!!!’ And started singing on the side of a two lane highway in the middle of bum f**k nowhere. He let me off with a warning.“ SynchronizedCalamity
“I live in not the best neighborhood in Brooklyn and a few weeks ago I was walking my girlfriends small black 3 legged dog late one night. There's a lot of guys that hang out by a busy corner drinking/smoking on their stoops, one of them went to take a leak by a buildings trash area.”
“He was facing the building with his back to me. So, as he was peeing, Pepper (the dog) decided she was going to be stubborn and just sit down. I kept trying to get her to get up so we could go home. As I was calling her and telling her ‘come on, lets go’ the guy peeing locked eyes with me through a mirror that was in the trash pile.”
"’Ey, yo WHAT the F**K’”
“He couldn't see the dog I was talking to because she was 10 ft behind me in the shadows. He thought I was trying to fight him WHILE I was watching him take a leak. Not at all the case.”
“As he was zipping up and turned around Pepper hopped up and trotted by and broke all the tension. He was like ‘oh sh*t, my bad! I didn't know you were talking to the dog‘. We laughed about it and carried on our separate ways.“ FlatbushRocknRoll
Who even does footsies anymore?
“Was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and his friends. All of a sudden his friend yells 'No! No, no, no, no! Nooooooo,' while looking at me in horror. I then respond 'What's the matter,' smiling and trying not to laugh at his randomness."
“He then screams 'STOP PLAYING FOOTSIE WITH ME!' After a really awkward 5 seconds he realizes it was my dog nudging him wanting to get his attention."
“I took out my little baggie of salt...”
“When I was traveling around the Netherlands, I kept breaking out in canker sores. My mom always told me that rubbing salt on the canker sores helps them heal quicker. So as I was traveling, I put a little bit of salt in a ziplock baggie and carried it around with me.”
“Well while I was sitting on the train, I took out my little baggie of salt and started rubbing in on my canker sores. People kept giving me the DIRTIEST looks and months later after telling this story to a friend, I realize it's because it looked like I was gumming cocaine.” superrach
Looked like a couple of bears and not the scary kind...life gamer GIF Giphy
“Me and my friend were working on our motorcycles, fixing some electrics. We needed some acid free vaseline for that, to keep them from corroding. We decide to step on our motorcycles and head for the hardware store.”
“By the checkout, 2 25 year old dudes in all motorcycle gear, getting a tin of vaseline, and a 18ish cashier girl. It dawned on us when we got a startled look from the cashier, and after that it was all jokes. Good times.” ZZrenz
He was just cold...
“One winter morning it was laying on my bed facing down watching cartoons on the tv. It was so cold that my hands were hurting, so I decided to put them under my body just below the stomach to warm them up. My dad walked past my room and saw me, I remember he reacted very surprised and came into the room and sat right next to me. Ladies and gentlemen this is when I got the so famous ‘talk’ because he thought i was beating my meat.”
“I was the most confused boy trying to understand why he is talking about touching my PP and women. It was so horrifying i had to explain myself that i was only warming my hands!! He still doesn't believe me. Cheers.” Pure_Statsitician919
Somethings you just can't explain away...
“As a young mechanic in the 80s, I was test driving a customer's car when it stalled and wouldn't stay running a block and a half from the shop. My boss eventually arrived, and I had him go back to the store to get a long piece of vacuum hose and a large can of carb cleaner, which burns like fuel in the engine. I connected the hose to the intake, ran it inside the car, and was able to spray carb cleaner into the intake to drive the car back to the shop without us calling an expensive tow truck.”
“However, when I was almost there, the straw that pushes into the spray nozzle popped out, causing me to spray a LOT of carburetor cleaner into my pants. When I pulled up to the shop the burning sensation was just starting, so I sprinted to the bathroom, dropped my pants, and was splashing water on my junk at the sink in the employee bathroom while making dramatic noises of agony.”
“Suddenly the door opened and I found myself face to face with a diminutive old Japanese man. He took in the scene of me howling and splashing my junk messily, his eyes widened, and he shut the door quickly all in less than 3 seconds. When I came out a few minutes later there was no sign of him.” MentORPHEUS
No, really officer!
“Me and friend 1 went over to friend 2s house. He was still in the shower so we decided to climb in the window by his front porch. As friend 1 made it through the window I made an offhand comment about the people in the car down the street probably think we're breaking in.”
“Two minutes later the cops are knocking on there door. We were just laughing while we waited for friend 2 to get dress and tell the cop what had happened.” RonaldMikeDonald1
It wasn't that kind of movie...
“OOO!!! I got one for this! I was a freshman in college and some friends of mine (one year behind me, so seniors in high school) were in an English class called Film as Literature where the final project is a student movie. They decided to do an old black and white noir aesthetic but the script was slapstick comedy a la Naked Gun.”
“They needed me to fill in as a police officer to pull over and arrest the femme fatale character because plot. So we slap a green spinning light on top of my car as the siren (remember, black and white movie) and at night had me pull over my friend and forcibly remove her from the car, handcuffing her and ‘arresting’ her by putting her in the backseat of my car (smashing her head on the car door along the way).”
“Somewhere around take 3 or 4 of this, an older lady comes down the road and stops us mid scene. The woman refused to talk to any of us except our femme fatale to ensure she was safe, but the absurdity of why we had our friend handcuffed and were repeatedly stuffing her into the back of a PT Cruiser was a highlight of the film. I think the lady even got a shout out in the credits.” SoCalHomestarmy
“Ah, that's where it went"
“I took the girl I wanted to date and her best friend, who was cute in her own right to a Ren-faire. They both dressed up really well for the faire. They got changed after in the car before we went out to dinner because the costumes were restrictive. All went very well.”
“The three of us had a blast together. A month later I go for a flight review for my pilots license. The instructor goes to sit in the passenger seat of my car but I have a local map book there. He goes to close it up, and my friends bra falls out into his hand. ‘Ah, that's where it went’ was all I could get out to his raised eyebrow.” Starrion
The universe got jokes...
“Late night dinner with the family, we come out to get in my Green 97 Honda Accord. Except it's not my car. It's a bait car. 3 squad cars pull up to "catch" me with 3 kids and my wife. I explain the situation and point out my car a few yards away. Cops look at each other, the kids, and then throw up their hands and walk away. I know I ruined a perfectly good sting because I subsequently lost that car to...wait for it...auto theft..” accidentalpyro
Why are kids so weird sometimes?
“I had once tied my best friends hands behind his back with packing tape for a walk to the shop. Don't ask why because I don't even know, it was just kids being stupid.”
“As we were walking down the road with him walking in front of us, a police car pulls into a bus stop and calls us over. Of course, my best friend doesn't see or hear this, so he's just wandering away with his hands taped behind his back until we get his attention and call him back to explain we were being dumb.” mikeybinns
“...pants down around his ankles, wearing only his tighty-whities, and a sheepish grin."Jack Black Smile GIF Giphy
“I was probably 14-15 years old and mowing the backyard. As I'm mowing I feel something in the right leg (thought area) of my jeans. I stop pushing the mower and stand still to see if I get what I thought I felt when it moves further up my thigh. I press it against my leg and unbutton my jeans. I manage to reach in with my free hand and pin whatever the hell this thing is against my leg so I can finished getting my pants down on the right side.
My pants fall to my ankles as I grab a huge cockroach off my leg and chunk it. Right after I do and before I can bend over and grab my pants, my mom walks around the corner and stops dead in her tracks.
She was born in Japan, "What you doING?" I told her there was a roach in my pants. She doesn't say anything else, just turns and walks back into the house.
I don't know what she came out there for and if she believed me, but even now I can't imagine what plausible explanation she would have accepted for her son to be standing next to a running lawnmower, with his pants down around his ankles, wearing only his tighty-whities, and a sheepish grin." knobbydaddy
Note to self--avoid public place when you can't help but be awkward. What's your most embarrassing misunderstandings? We'd love to hear them in the comments.
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Cities. Those things we live in.
What city would you never, ever, EVER live in?
These places, while inhabited by a good number of people, aren't exactly the kind of spots you would want to go back to on a repeat visit.
Transformed Into Something Unsettling
"For me, it's Mecca. It's beautiful, but it's just not for an openly gay Western dude like me."
"Same with Tehran."
"Im surprised you think Mecca is beautiful lol. I, along with almost every Muslim I know, hates what has happened to that place. The skyscrapers are extremely ugly (especially that goddam clock tower) and overshadow the beauty of the mosque. Almost all historical sites are gone except for the Kabah. I know they need infrastructure to handle all the people but they did it in the worst way possible."
"Mecca like almost every other Arabian city has turned into places for rich Saudis to show their wealth and almost nothing else."
"Irvington, NJ - My friend told me to run through every red light and not stop at any cost after I dropped her off at her apartment. Her wise words phased me as I stopped at the first red light. 3 seconds later a huge motherf-cker with a crowbar starts heading in my direction. 3 red lights all while screaming toward McCarter Highway."
"The following week my car was stolen while I was attending classes in Newark and they used my car to rob a liquor store in Irvington, NJ. Literally only owned my car for 2 weeks."
"F-ck Irvington, NJ."
The Literal Fast And The Furious
"Cairo, Egypt. 19 million people, 23 million cars, no stoplights. On a 3 lane road, you have 5 lanes of traffic, left shoulder, straddling first white line, middle lane, straddling 2nd white line, and right shoulder! When we visited, our tour guide told us we needed 3 things to drive there…"good brakes, good horns & good nerves!"
Cars are bumper to bumper, and then people are crossing the street in between the cars, walking, in wheelchairs, pushing baby strollers! Then along beside our bus, comes someone riding a donkey! Crazy. Soldiers with machine guns on the street corners, we even had an armed guard on our tour bus."
Then there are some cities, some you might never have visited, which have generated enough discussion and gotten enough publicity to be actively awful in your mind. You don't have to have gone there to know you never want to be there.
A Place To Skip Completely
"Mumbai. Even if I was financially secure, I couldn't stand seeing all the poverty and squalor all the time. It would weigh on me."
"A friend of a friend spent six months riding his motorcycle from London to Chennai. He recorded everything in his journal in excruciating detail except for Mumbai. There was only one sentence about Mumbai. It was about driving around Mumbai. He did everything you could imagine on the way, but decided to skip Mumbai completely."
Not All Of It. Just Some Of It.
"Paris. I used to hate all French people because of my experiences there, and then I met one who explained that there's basically two Frances; Paris and everywhere else, and then we bonded over bad mouthing the place and now my antipathy is more precise."
It's All In The Family
"LA, if you want half quality people, air, and living for double the price and problems, it might be for you"
"I have friends who live in LA, and swear it's awesome. But they actually live in Rancho Palos Verdes, in their parent's mansions."
And then there's cities like these.
Cities so bad an introduction isn't required.
What's Your Excuse?
"The Simpsons summed it up perfectly: "We were born here, what's your excuse?"
"I can laugh at this because I'm from Thunder Bay"
Booze. Sex. Sin. All The Best Family Values.
"Las Vegas. Fun to visit, but not where I'd want to raise my family."
"I think my first realization that people grow up and live in Las Vegas was at 16 or so when watching Criminal Minds and hearing that Spencer Reid grew up there. It was that record scratch moment. Wait, people LIVE IN and raise their babies in the city of sex, sin, and gambling? I felt stupid, of course, upon realizing that all the casino workers and strippers have to live somewhere, and might fall in love, and might marry and have kids."
"And then I had a second life-changing revelation when I realized people probably feel the exact same way about my home city, Miami. I was raised there and lived there for 2 decades. A lot of people have no concept of Miami outside TV and probably think my parents are horrible people who raised me in a den of yachts, Pitbull, cocaine, dirty money, bad boob jobs, and spring breakers. Meanwhile I actually lived in a very normal and boring suburb."
A Slow Decline Over Time
"Gary Indiana. Went through there when heading to O'hare & was not impressed. heard multiple gunshots when driving through."
"So I literally learned about Gary, Indiana from these threads where it always pops up as one of the worst places to live or be. Could you explain why it is so sh-tty?"
"Long story made short, Gary was a good place to live. Nice paying steel industry jobs. That went away. High crime rate, high poverty rate, and empty, falling down buildings everywhere. I used to live in Chicago and would avoid Gary when traveling at all cost."
Each city is different. What works for some might not be what works for others.
However, it does feel like some of these cities need to be at the top of your "Never Visit" list, don't they?
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Sex is fun. Sex is healthy. Sex should be enjoyed and always consensual. But often, sex can be dangerous, especially when you're trying out new things, like a new location.
Who hasn't thought about upping the adrenaline ante when it comes to sexytime? We've all been there. But some ideas really should just stay ideas.
Why break a hip or an arm just to make things a little more saucy? Just try a different room in the house, or the backyard, but bring bug spray.
And some areas in public are safety hazards for a reason.
Redditor u/playfulinvestment01 wanted to know about all the places we need to avoid when it's sexytime, by asking:
What is the worst place you had sex?
I can tell you from experience that airplanes are not a good idea. Don't ask me how I know. A lady never kisses and tells, but highlights are ok. There will never be enough room and the movies are lying.
Like Glue...Melissa Mccarthy Falling GIFGiphy
"I lived in Australia for a bit and our studio had this black pleather couch. It looked exactly like that casting couch meme so we tried it for fun once. My ex sweats a lot even when it's not 40C out, but it was and we stuck to the couch like glue."
"On a hike in a wildlife refuge. We went off the trail to a more remote area. Was all fun and games tell I got stung on the penis. Was after the event had ended when I was briefly exposed, the little moron went right at me. We joke about it regularly, I'd say it comes up monthly. Just out of the blue she will say "hey remember when you got stung on your penis?" Yes, I remember and will never forget."
Up a Tree
"A "treehouse" that was actually a plywood shack on 6' stilts. It was pretty old and the plywood was splintery, so he laid down an old towel for me (you know, like a gentleman.) Also it was too small for me to fit in any direction, so my head stuck out the door. I stared at the sky and just... And that's the story of how I lost my virginity! A close second would be the bed in his semi-abandoned house full of the semi-abandoned hoarded belongings of his mother. But that's a different story."
"Met a girl online and we tried to do it at the park. A cop showed up before we started and told us we had to leave. We went back to our cars which was at a small shopping mall. We went behind the shopping mall and got it on behind a dumpster. It worked out well so we met up there again a week later. Except that time, as we were walking away, a dump truck picked the dumpster to empty the trash. Was hilarious at the time but frightening looking back on it. This was about 10 years ago."
Keyed OffPiano Performing GIFGiphy
"I don't recommend on top of a piano. Very uncomfortable and not at all the experience we envisioned."
Scratchy...Screaming The Voice GIF by NBCGiphy
"Bottom of cliff next to the ocean. Turns out I have an allergic reaction to coral and my back was scratched the hell up from it. It was windy, wet, and itchy. Runner up is a movie theatre."
"In a literal smoke house... lost my virginity with about 50 rings of deer sausage hanging around to dry. My friend and his dad were gone and we were like "this seems like a great place!" At least when I went home I smelled like venison instead of sex."
"I'm not sure if this counts because we didn't get very far. But In a Burger King parking lot… He had a car, so we would park it someplace and hook up in the tiny little two-seater. I was sitting astride him and most of my clothes were off when he froze. I looked over my shoulder and the once abandoned parking lot was abandoned no more. A family of four were just staring at us through the windshield. We didn't know what to do so I just put my shirt back on and we drove away."
"we can hear everything"
"My childhood house had an enclosed porch that was level with my parents' bedroom window (it's hard to explain). You couldn't see into the porch from the window, but if the porch windows were open and the bedroom windows were open you could hear everything from either room."
"So my now husband and I were trying to have sex in that porch, having opened the windows cuz it was hot AH. My parents usually never opened their window and it was past ten, when they usually went to sleep. We weren't trying to be loud, but apparently we were."
"After we were done, I checked my phone and I had 5 missed calls and a text from my mother saying "we can hear everything" and "please at least use a condom". We didn't acknowledge it at the time but my mom got drunk a few years ago and told my aunt the story and said she was worried she was hearing the conception of her grandchild."
Ivy!jerry seinfeld help GIF by HULUGiphy
"After a drunken night on 6th st in Austin, girl and I were walking down red river st, she drags me in this bushy grassy area, we go at it, finish, call an Uber to west campus, continue going at it. The next day, we are super itchy, come to find later it was poison ivy, got it all over our genitals. Fun times. 10/10 would do it again though."
Also, be careful when and if you do it on a bus. You're never fully out of the driver's line of sight. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Be careful out there but have fun.
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Being a parent is one of the greatest challenges you'll face.
What did your parents do to you that made you promise that you would never do that to your own children?
You won't be in charge of your child forever. At some point, they're going to go out into the larger world, interact with other people, and suddenly all those little tics and quirks they developed at home will start to hamper their social progress.
Never Able To Hit The Pick-Up Time
"They always had me late or last minute to everything. I'll never do that to my kids because, having it done to me, I know it's all the parents fault."
"That feeling, when you are the last kid to be picked up after a school event that they didn't attend, and my teacher asking if I called, and if she said she was on her way, and how far away we lived, and then a big sigh while we continued to wait, in the dark, outside school, after everyone else has gone home, and me just wanting to disappear."
Forcing Them To Miss Out
"I was never allowed to hang out with friends outside of school. I had to go straight home and couldn't stay and hang out or go over to friends houses after school or on weekends. This went well into my senior year of high school. It sucked constantly feeling like I was missing out growing up."
Definition Of Overprotection
"Isolate them from the world."
"Growing up I see now that they wanted to protect me from how sh-tty things were, but now I feel a useless idiot. If I would've known as a kid that I had violent gang-related family, addicts, or that we were on welfare I could've found a desire to do better."
Taking on the care and responsibility of raising another human being to be a smart, compassionate, and well-meaning member of society shouldn't be easy. It should be a challenge.
Downplaying Their Accomplishments
"My parents never thought anything I did was a big deal. I LOVED art class but I remember showing my mom artwork and she'd tell me she could make that herself, ok thanks."
"Ouch, this brought back a painful memory. I always loved to sing but I was shy. I was also bullied and made fun of quite a bit. In highschool I finally joined choir and it helped me come into my own. I won first place awards at State Solo and Ensemble competition, student of the year in choir and even the Directors Award which was the highest honor given. My mom came to none of my performances. Not until Senior Night when I was the only performer singing a solo. I did the cliche song...Memory from the musical Cats. I got a standing ovation!"
"People who would typically refuse to speak to me approached me to tell me that they never would've dreamed I had that big, powerful, voice in me. I was just about floating with happiness and pride when I walked up to my mom and asked her what she thought. Her face twisted like she'd bit a lemon and she wiped out all my good feelings with the words, "Well, it probably isn't a good song for you. You sound like you were ATTEMPTING to sing opera and it's not supposed to sound like that."
Saying They Don't Quite Stack Up
"Compare them to other kids!!"
"This needs to be higher up. It's soooo insidious. Undermines so much about you, engenders the tendency for you to compare yourself to others, makes you needlessly resent the people they compare you to, but most of all, creates a sense that you'll never measure up or be 'good enough', not just for them, but in general."
Unable To Keep Their Minds At Peace
"The amount of anxiety I have/had from money related things is ridiculous. We were never poor, we were broke they just made bad decision after bad decision putting us in a stupid amount of debt"
Perhaps the most important part to remember when raising a child some adults might forget: You are the adult. Deal with your adult matters and let your child be a child. Don't bring them into your petty squabbles or unresolved affairs.
"My parents refused to address issues between my sister and myself. They hate conflict, so it was easier for them to guilt me into doing whatever my sister wanted and then praise me for being "good" than to ever put her in line. Being praised for always giving up what you want can really mess you up."
Lashing Out At The Other
"My parents were divorced since before I can remember. They did not get along very well when I was a kid. There was one weekend in particular where on the way to drop me off my Dad told me "whatever you do, don't end up like your Mother." Get home to Mom, she tells me "whatever you do, don't end up like your Dad." Best advice either of them ever gave me."
Asking The Child To Be The Adult
"They made their problems into problems for the whole family."
"They pulled us into everything. That's not fair to a kid. F-ck, I was straight out asked to fix things between them sometimes. No kid should be even the remotest bit responsible for their parent's relationship or fixing things that are wrong between them. That's f-cked up."
"We all have problems. We're human. No one expects perfection. But if you have a problem with your wife/husband? Don't bring the kid into it. Don't make it the kids' problem. Don't make the pain of the household -- which they're going to feel anyway -- somehow the kid's fault."
Don't want kids? Don't have kids.
Want kids? Be prepared to do everything you can to make sure that child has a supportive, strong upbringing. Don't let the mistakes of the past become the present.
Animated movies meant for children have been known to sneak in a few dirty jokes here and there. After all, the parents have to sit through the movies with the kids too.
These "Easter eggs" can be found in virtually every movie meant for kids. It may go over our heads when we watch at age 10, but years later when we re-watch to enjoy a bit of nostalgia, we realize just how raunchy the creators were.
It's not just old movies from the 90s or early 2000s, some movies as recent as Frozen 2 have some moments of adult centered levity.
Redditor Pooky135790 wanted to know:
"What are the best adult jokes that are hidden in kids movies?"
These scenes really had us rolling.
Shrek definitely has a few innuendos.
"In Shrek talking about Snow White:"
"'Although she lives with 7 other men, she's not easy.'"
"Gets me every time!"
"The whole Duloc opening scene with the singing puppets. 'Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your…….face.'"
"Also in Shrek: when they get to Farquuad's castle, they note the large size of it, and Shrek asks if Farquuad is compensating for something."
"Kids will think it's a joke about his height."
"Adults will think it's a joke about his other kind of height."Giphy
Cars had plenty of jokes.
"In Cars when the two Miata ladies flash their pop-ups at McQueen"
"I didn't realize for years that that was the connotation."
"Look at that scene again and look at the photographers behind Mia."
"It took me a second but I think the one directly in the middle is zooming in on their posteriors lmfao."
- -Paintlightning mcqueen car GIF by Disney PixarGiphy
"Also the Piston Cup. 'He did what in his cup?!' Funny enough 10 year old me got that and my dad didn't."
Robots had it's fair share of moments.
"In Robots the [father of the] main character and his wife get the parts for their robot child and exclaim, 'Making the baby's the fun part!'"
"Also the old lady bot, Aunt Fanny, has a lot of junk in her trunk."
"There is that one scene from Ratatouille, when Linguini is about to confess about how Remy is in his hat cooking for him, and says 'I... have... a little... tiny...' and right after he says tiny, Collette quickly glances down at his pants. I never even noticed it until someone pointed it out to me because it is pretty subtle and can be easy to miss."
"Seriously the best dick joke in a kid's movie."
"That and the time when the short lil chef guy catches linguini in the pantry and says, 'One can become to familiar with vegetables, you know!'"Giphy
Coco really went there!
"In Coco, everybody laughs when they say Hector died 'choking on chorizo.'"
"'Choking on chorizo' is Mexican slang for sucking d*ck."
"I mean the song Hector sings to his dying friend has the implied, but not spoken, lyrics: 'And her tits they drag on the floor...' (he says 'knuckles' but the guy shouts, 'those aren't the words!')."
What a forgotten gem Monster House was.
"'That's it's uvula!' 'Oh.... So it's a girl house....'"
"Rick and Morty gets a lot of hate around here because of the sh*tty fan base, but Dan Harmon is a genuinely funny writer."
"Could not BELIEVE Dan Harmon was a writer on this 'til I googled Monster House; your point is a good one lol."
Even in Frozen.
"'Foot size doesn't matter' - when Anna from Frozen talks about her fiancé."
"Frozen 2, 'I like you better in leather anyway' when Kristoff dresses up for Anna at the end."
"My boyfriend and roommate and I all watched it and all three of us spat our drinks at that and we all did the 'Did we just hear what we think we heard?' look. Then we laughed for like 10 solid minutes."
Not a movie, but still good.
"There was an episode of Dexter's laboratory where the father kept going on about Dexter's mother's muffin, and saying he only married her for her muffin. The whole episode was filled with innuendo."
"'Your father is a muffin fiend, a muff-o-maniac, just the aroma can make him crazy.' Lol. Had to see it for myself."
"Season 2 ep 18 The Muffin King."
"There was the episode about DeeDee and Dexter having decoder rings! DeeDee says Dexter's club is for big 'I-D-K-S-C' Dexter decodes it, gasps, and says he's gonna tell mom. Lol."Giphy
Children's shows may be for kids entertainment, but they're created by adults. No doubt they're going to slip in a few naughty jokes here and there.
Time to re-watch some old favorites and see what we missed when we were younger.