It can be hard when a relationship has run its course, when there's no more gas left in the tank but you keep pushing the proverbial car forward hoping to reach your destination.
Sometimes you need to leave the car at the side of the road and keep making your way on foot. It's okay to ditch a bad relationship, and it'll be better for all parties involved in the long run.
You just have to know what signs to look for, and thankfully, the internet can provide a litany of examples.
Reddit user, Nonchalant_Calypso, wanted to know when the magic ended when they asked:
"What was the moment you knew your relationship was over?"
Your relationship should be something that brings you joy, on a near daily basis. If there's a repeated sense of dread then maybe it's time for a talk.
Knowing You Have To Spend Any Amount Of Time With Them
"When she came up on caller id and my first thought was 'Ugh.'"
LiterallyOuttoLunch
"I had a similar feeling in my first marriage. I'd come home, turn onto our street, see her car already in the driveway, and have the same feeling... 'ugh.'"
HumpieDouglas
When The Drama Is Never-Ending
"When you dread her name coming up on caller ID because you knew it was an argument about nothing. Don’t settle for an angry life."
sexychocolatethunder
When You Don't Smile Like You Used To
"I was at my best friend's wedding. When he saw his bride walking down the aisle, he had a grin so big it looked like it could have exploded right off of his face. He was so happy to be marrying this person. And when I thought about my, now-ex, gf I realized that I just didn't feel that way about her."
"I will say, when I married my wife, I was grinning like an idiot."
kitskill
When Your Day Night Is Awful
"When I realized I dreaded Fridays, our standard date night, and saw it as something I needed to get past before I could start enjoying the weekend."
Always_Trying01
Sometimes you look at a relationship through foggy lenses, unaware of how terrible your partner actually is.
Because once you realize it, wow, there's no going back.
When The Cheating Was Going To Happen Right In Front Of You
"My ex & I were not living together, but he had the key to my place. I told him that I was gonna go see my parents for the weekend, but then changed my mind last minute because I started feeling sick. I forgot to tell him & just went home after work & went to bed. I woke up around 10pm to get a glass of water & while I was in the kitchen I heard someone fumbling at the door with the lock. I freaked out because I lived on the 17th floor, so if it was a break in, I was f-cked. All of a sudden he walks in..... dragging a tipsy girl in behind him."
"I just stood there while he tried to make up some sort of excuse as to WHY he was there. The girl was pretty shocked too."
UrszulaG
When They SUCK
"When I was going through a miscarriage and he couldn’t take me to the ER because he was in fantasy leagues and football was on."
amadileirbeer
"Damn that goes way beyond just not loving you anymore and into worthless piece of sh-t territory."
Osirus1156
When They SUCK. Hard.
"She poisoned my cat 🐈 Mr Noodle"
"RIP"
"Edit: Thanks everybody for the support, and if you're asking: yeah I got the police involved"
GrumpaSpaceGoat
No one likes the talk, and even fewer people will act on it the moment they feel it, but what will hurt worse? The talk or letting your relationship reach these levels?
When You Fade From Their View
"You can see it in their eyes when they don't love you anymore."
"I'll never forget that feeling."
escape_of_da_keets
"You absolutely can. It's like they are looking past you, yet right at you.. ugg. It's terrible .. Been there a few times."
willevans1972
Cheating, Sure, But Completely Misreading The Situation
"The day my mom passed away (the coroner hadn't even come for her body yet) with zero consideration on how I felt and what I was going through my ex-fiancé thought it was great idea and a good time to tell me he has been cheating on me for the last 6 years, and how sorry he was for it."
"He wasn't sorry he did it, but he sorry because the other woman had lied to him about who she really was and he wanted me to comfort him because he felt betrayed by her...."
"When I promptly broke up with him, he asked "wait is this really goodbye?" how could you do this to me now?"
OpenRepair4390
When They Look For The Right Moment In The Wrong Time
"Yeah. Long time girl friend broke it off between us after my Father died. Basically, she felt since I would feel less grief then over us, as I was already feeling so bad about Pop's passing. I later learned, this happens a lot."
StatOne
Don't feel bad when it has to end. Think of it as a fresh start for you both and make the tough call.
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Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
Always be in control of what you want out of life.
However, if your partner is part of the financial future you hope to share together, maybe a quick talk is in order. And if your partner is already doing an OnlyFans, maybe tell them how you feel if you've been having second thoughts. There's always a chance to land on the same page.
All of this is easier said than done, and we don't know what any of us would actually do if our partners came to us and said they wanted to start an OF.
Reddit user, Magnetar190, wanted to get the real scoop before you hit 'Subscribe' before they asked:
"Your partner starts an onlyfans, how do you react?"
It doesn't have to be a serious convo. Maybe lighten it up?
We're All A Little Busy
"Pleased that I'll finally get to see her naked once in a while."
stumanuke
"Hopefully she gives you a discount."
squiggly_poop
A Jurassic Erection
"Photo-bomb them in one of those inflatable T-Rex costumes with a giant inflatable dick sewn onto it"
hanotak
Who's to say that you both can't share in the benefits either of you would receive for starting an OnlyFans? What's yours is mine and mine is yours, after all.
Deductions, Deductions, Deducitons
"Start writing off the internet bill as a business expense"
htotheinzel
"Hold on could you actually do that?"
dontpissmeoffplsnthx
"Yep. I do. Cell phone too. Also square footage of our home office spaces, mortgage interest, and a portion of utilities."
4DrivingWhileBlack
"you have to have a designated space of your dwelling that's a legitimate office space. The dimensions of that room compared to the dimensions of the house determine what percentage of business expense you can take."
gil_ga_mesh
Share In The Wealth
"Demand that he start taking foot pics since male feet are high demand 👀 market is covered in women's feet. Post those hobbit toes baby."
The_Ivy_Hawke
"Whaaat!? So I went about this the wrong way. I should have asked my husband to make an OF of his feet instead of mine."
state_of_what
Don't Undersell Yourself
"Review his pricing to make sure he’s getting what I know he’s worth"
HappyGiraffe
It might be hard, it might lead to an answer you might not like, and it might end disastrously, but you owe it to both of you to have this talk.
Speak Up
"I’m pretty sure a good amount of people would be alright with it if the partner in question first discussed it with their significant other. Starting an OF and not even letting your S/O know about it might rub me the wrong way personally."
Windebieste_Ultima
What's The Purpose Of Why You're Asking?
"I don't want to assume anything but I can't help but feel that if you were as completely and totally fine with your (OP's) partner starting an OF, you wouldn't be on here asking this question. Kinda comes across as if you're trying to convince yourself you’re okay with it when you actually aren't."
Helena_Markos
And It's Okay To Not Be Okay With It. Just Talk About It.
"Act like it's cool and let it slowly eat away at me until everything falls apart, then drink hard for a month."
nun0
"I did this, but instead of OF she started stripping and instead of a month I drank heavy for a year and a half."
"Bad times. Better now though."
Lonelobo21
Seriously, Talk
"If she just up and started one without talking to me about it I'd end the relationship. If that's what she wants to do with her life / body that's fine, but if we're in a relationship I have the right to know because that's not a what I'm looking for in a partner."
[usernamedeleted]
"This is the healthiest answer. A solid relationship is based on trust and honesty. If you have to hide things from your partner to make the relationship work, you’re just sitting on a time bomb. That doesn’t mean you need to be brutally honest with your partner, it also doesn’t mean you have to share every single thought in your head with them, but you have to be able to talk to them openly about anything without fear of judgement. And if they’re a good partner, they will listen and be honest with you about anything too."
LegendaryOutlaw
Honesty, And For The Love Of Your Love, TALK
"Matching values is important in a relationship. Your question is directed to "me" then I'll answer from my perspective: exclusivity is one of my values and I'm confident that money could be earned in another way that doesn't violate that exclusivity. Add to that I won't be comfortable knowing it's out there forever in mass numbers, and that applies to myself as much as my partner."
"But that's just what I hold as a value and I'm claiming ZERO points on it being right or wrong. The only thing that matters is that you're honest with yourselves and each other about whether your values match or not. Key word: honest."
Inviz57
Trust each other. You entered into a relationship for a reason. Let that be the guide to finding the solution.
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Every couple's origin story is different.
Curious to hear strangers' dating experiences, Redditor HeloPeopelinos asked:
"What was the weirdest way you got into a relationship?"

These Redditors found a spark online.
Mutual Interest
"On the original Napster. She had a very rare live track I wanted, and I had the whole back catalogue of the same artist that she wanted.":
– kevinmorice
It Started With A Rant
"Craigslist used to have (might still have?) a rants and raves section. I posted a long pissed off open letter to how much winter in Chicago sucks."
"A woman answered it and sarcastically made light of just about everything I posted, and we went back and forth for a few emails before meeting up for drinks. Spent close to 3 years together."
– conipto
Chatting
"9GAG hat a chat app called 'Cookies' for a few months. It was basically Twitter for 9GAG and I only used it for a few days. When I posted something, I chatted with a guy for a bit and we found out that we were both from Germany."
"We kept talking on Whatsapp but I had some family and mental health issues which is why we didn’t write with each other for over a year. When I wrote him again apologising for my distant behaviour we started talking again. We’ve been dating for over 5 1/2 years now."
– mrl_a
How Sweet And Tinder
"I erased my tinder because I wasn't into just hook ups and right before I erased it I matched with a cute girl and just said to text me if she wanted because I was going to erase my tinder. She did but only to be my friend and literally 2 months later we started dating. Now she's my best friend and girlfriend coming up to 3 years."
– Deftoones
Some people unexpectedly met their eventual significant others in person.
The Manifestation
"In school, I drew a lot and would often draw randomly made up people."
"Once, I doodled a pretty girl and the girl sitting next to me asked who she was."
"I told her she wasn't a specific person but she thought I was just too shy to say and kept pressing, as well as getting all of the other girls in our class involved."
"And one of them said she knew her. Some girl who went to a nearby school."
"So they asked me if that's who it was and if I'd like them to get her to come meet up with me."
"I said f'k it, yeah."
"We met up that weekend and ended up going out for a few months."
"So, I basically drew a girlfriend into existence."
– BadgerSituation
The Wave
"My ex wife was the consolation prize in a radio contest. Well...kinda."
"I used to co-host a morning radio show back in the 90s, and we did a version of 'The Dating Game' on the air. Just like the classic TV show, we'd have a woman choosing between 3 eligible bachelors, or a man choosing between 3 'bachelorettes.'"
"The winner would get a date paid for by the station, and the runners up would get a consolation prize. Part of my job was to coordinate everything between the contestants. This one day, we had the bachelor in the studio, and three women on the phone. He picked one for his date (it was tickets to a baseball game and dinner at a nice restaurant), and afterwards I got all the information from the runners up so that they could get their prizes."
"One of them sounded really fun on the phone, and we hit it off. Our studio window looked out over the station's lobby, and I told her that if she came in to get her prize while I was still on the air, she should turn and wave at the window."
"A few hours later, I looked out the window and saw her waving. My first thought was 'holy sh*t...she needs a date?' Turns out she was pretty hot...and it turns out that I had her phone number."
"So I called back later and asked her out. Relationship lasted 7 years."
– gogojack
In The Spirit Of Competition
"Was holding tryouts to join our clan in Starcraft around the year 2000."
"She joined our game and it was decided I would 1v1 her while the rest of our clan watched. I kicked her ass and we agreed she could join up with us if she still wanted to. Turned out I couldn't stand her and tried to avoid her like the plague."
"Somehow started talking over AOL instant messenger and ended up learning she was a 4-hour drive away in the state next door. Things fell into place and we ended up in a long-distance relationship at the tender age of 16."
"We celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary this last September. Can still kick her a** in video games. =D"
– Guinnessnomnom
Not every encounter is romantic.
Going Insane
"Met a girl while exploring a creepy abandoned insane asylum at 3am. We were both there with separate groups, neither group was aware of the other group’s presence but we kept hearing one another moving around and scared half out of our minds because we each assumed the other was crazed hobos or criminals using the place as a hideout or something."
"Anyway our groups kept getting closer and closer to one another while trying to figure out how to get out. I turned a corner, saw a face, and nearly brained this poor girl with the baseball bat I was carrying before I realized it was just a bunch of scared college kids same as us. We had a good laugh about it, me and the girl hit it off, and ended up dating for a couple of years."
– KongUnleashed
Mistaken Identity
"Was at a party. Waved at a someone I knew. A girl standing between us who was visibly smashed thought I waved at her. She came over and tripped in the last meter. I caught her."
"That's 10 years ago and we're getting married in august."
– DaPino
Making A Mark
"She threw up in my bed after taking a nap there without asking me on my newyears party."
"Hard to say no to that."
– T0b3yy
The Trade-Off
"Work did a mandatory fun evening at a bar. My then gf came in with a good looking woman, walks past the group I'm with, goes to the bar and proceeds to order two shots of tequila and drinks them off her friends breasts. She then waves me over, some shenanigans happen and in the morning tells me I'm dumped but her friend is single. That lasted about a year. I got traded."
– throwaway198675543
These relationships started off with an apology.
Time Out
"It was an alien themed birthday party. I knew only the person who’s birthday it was. I’ve also got a neurological condition which means sometimes I need to take a time out. So I’m sitting in a beanbag leaning against a wall in a full alien morph suit. My time out must have gone for a while, and people who arrived after me thought I was a decoration as I was motionless."
"This guy trips over my foot, so I moved it. He freaked, and then realised I was a person and came up to apologise. I just gave a thumbs up. Anywhos time passes and I go to get snacks. I take the hood part off and the guy that tripped on me is just staring open mouthed. He eventually comes up to say he first thought I was a decoration, then thought I was a dude. He then spent the rest of the night getting snacks for me."
"Lasted a few months."
– Grieie
NSFW Note
"There was phone number written on the back of a bus I was on when I was 14-15 and under it was written 'will suck dick for money' I was with a few mates and to be a little smart a** show off to my friends I called it and asked if she was for real."
"later that day I felt so bad for the girl I ended up texting her and apologising for being an a**hole and she was grateful for my message and explained that it was her ex that put it there. Anyway, we got texting and I ended up dating her for 3 years. Nice girl."
– braedn
Cupid persevered, regardless of the circumstances.
Oh, Deer
"Hit a deer going about 45, knocked one of my headlights out. The car was drivable, but it was dark and foggy in the country. My crush was with me that evening, and after cursing the deer for a solid 10 minutes, I asked if it was okay if she stayed with me that night instead of me potentially wrecking driving her home."
"She agreed. We got back to my dorm, and I had to use the restroom. I told her I’d fix the bed situation when I got out. I intended to pull the mattress cover off, and let her have the bed for the night while I used the floor."
"Yeah, she didn’t think that. I came out of the bathroom to find her wrapped in my blankets. I asked where I should sleep and she said to just sleep next to her. We ended up cuddling all night and having a tasty campus breakfast date the next morning. We’re still together 2 years later."
– Programmer-Boi
Pandemic Romance
"My ex and I got stuck together at his place on our first Tinder date. For 2 months. Met him during a layover I had where he lived and they closed all the borders a few hours before I was supposed to leave. 2020 was a wild time."
– ApprehensiveStatus13
It wasn't that bizarre, but years ago, I met someone as a straphanger on a packed subway in NYC.
Our train came to a halt in between stations, and we were held there for a good half hour. A fellow passenger sitting down in front of me decided to engage with me with some small talk, which I absolutely cannot stand.
But he was cute.
After exchanging numbers, we ended up having a brief fling. But much like our stuck subway car, we weren't going places, romantically. So I eventually got off that train to nowhere.
It just goes to show you never know the opportunity for a meet-cute could be there in front of you...as long as your eyes aren't glued to Candy Crush on your daily subway commute.
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Those seeking relationships hope to find someone who is kind, has mutual interests, and can ignite passion.
Because no one wants to date someone and find themselves being a parent in a romantic relationship.
"What are signs a guy hasn’t matured?"

When interacting with others, immature men may be prone to doing the following.
Now, Hear This
"If he doesn’t listen to who he is talking to."
– Cookieej23
The Hypocrite
"blatant disregard for others while saying others are inconsiderate."
– EmptyVessel39
Dismissive
"Shrugs, says 'my bad' and makes the same mistake again."
– snowballyyc
Tantrum
"Has a meltdown when asked to do basic chores because he 'doesn't like doing them' and then threatens to move out because of this. Like, please do, you child."
"Edit: all housemates came together and cried it out, there was a lot going on behind the scenes I didn't know about. I'm glad I came here to rant instead of saying anything I'd regret. Happy New year folks :)"
– lala_loves_corn
Man Child
"Honestly, when he acts like a toddler."
"Do small inconveniences make him throw a temper tantrum? Does he punch walls and hit stuff? Does he get upset when he doesn’t get his way?"
"If you can imagine him as a toddler, he’s a weenie and needs to grow up."
– Burrito_Loyalist
Why He's An Ex
"I knew my ex hadn't matured when I told him I thought we should try saving money to move into a better apartment. I said I was going to cancel my gym membership, shop for cheaper groceries, take my lunch to work instead of buying my food, and reduce our Netflix account to 1 screen instead of 2."
"I suggested he maybe choose a gaming membership to cancel (he had 3), bring his lunch to work, and maybe come up with a drink rotation when him and his friends got together instead of him always buying the drinks. He got angry and said I was a kill-joy and that there was nothing wrong with our apartment."
"Our apartment still used electric coils in the wall to heat the place and 2 of them smoked when you turned them on. The stove routinely caught fire. There was a significant roach problem."
"And the apartment downstairs was broken into multiple times. I had found a really nice split home for $80 more per month in a quieter part of town and it was being privately let by a very nice older woman who moved out when her husband went into a care home."
"I knew then that he would never grow up if he couldn't make those small sacrifices."
– Zoo_In_The_Bathtub
Keep It In Your Pants
"Brags about his bed count/dick size/sexual prowess... Public or private settings, I don't think it matters, it's tacky af and 99% of the time is bullsh*t. If you actually do have a nine inch dick, short of you pulling it out and slapping it on the table for all to see, no one is going to believe you so just keep it to yourself and whoever is in your bed."
– Instant-Noods
If you can't apologize or are willing to have an honest discussion, you are the problem.
Taking Responsibility
"A sign that anyone hasn't matured is not being willing to apologize when they realize that they made a mistake and caused damage especially to someone else's emotions."
"EDIT: I should add this because I think I'm not being fully understood here. If you did something wrong, know that you did something wrong, don't feel remorseful and are not acknowledging what you did and whatever consequences your actions caused, are getting angry with whoever points out the obvious mistake you made, are making false excuses and arguments or blaming the victim, you are immature."
"If you genuinely didn't do anything wrong then you have nothing to apologize for."
– Goddess-Ylvia
The Right Phrasing
"There's also a huge difference between 'I'm sorry you feel that way' and 'I'm sorry about how I made you feel.'"
– micoxafloppin1
Evasive Isn't Cool
"Stonewalling and refusing to have a mature conversation about problems in the relationship."
– Hello891011
Silence Speaks A Thousand Words
"Going silent in an argument. Mostly intentional, such as silent treatment. However people can also unintentionally go silent as an automatic coping mechanism against their own emotions. That could lead to something called pursuer-distancer dynamic, which is extremely common and I guess pretty normal although painful."
– Kakofoni
Wrong Response
"If they get offended when you communicate how you want them to please you."
– Noodlesandwings
Some say the ability to look inward is something that is a mark of true character.
Taking A Deep Look
"Inability to self reflect in a meaningful way."
– Anticrepuscular_Ray
Interpreting What Others Think
"I think the best I ever did was sit alone in my room and actually question why I think the way I do about the world and the people in it."
"I always thought people assumed the worst in me, and that’s why treated me like I was an a**hole. Turns out I was just preemptively being an a**hole as a defense mechanism to not get hurt or tricked by people. My family is a bucket of crabs unable to ever figure out how to properly treat people with respect. all their jokes to me were constant personal attacks, so I guess I learned somewhere along the line that you apparently just roast the sh*t out of people for any little thing they do."
"So in short, I thought about why I felt like people thought the worst of me, and it’s because I thought the worst of me and showed it to them. So I decided I would treat people how I want to be treated, not how I thought I should be treated."
"So I guess that’s an example of self reflection."
– perpetualstudent101
Good Personal Growth
"You are already self reflecting when you think this applies to you. Thinking about what you think and the things you do, and why you think and do them, and how they affect other people, is self refecting. It's actually a very interesting thing to do and it helps you grow as a person."
– squirrelfoot
Work In Progress
"Tap into your empathy and have a genuine focus on understanding none of us are finished products and we should never stop trying to improve ourselves and as a direct consequence how we treat those around us."
"The main lesson I've learnt in life is pride for prides sake is absolutely destructive to that. Learn to apologise and mean it, take the 'damage to pride' on the chin, it makes you a stronger person."
– Wilfko
No wants to be around a mess.
Untidy
"Doesn’t clean up after himself."
– macaronsforeveryone
Personal Maid
"I'll do you one better; doesn't clean up after himself and has his gf clean up for him. Used to hang out with a guy like that back in the day and steered clear of his room."
– Doggo6893
Bad Expectations
"As an add-on, doesn't know how to do household chores. I think it's imperative that every mature person know how to at least cook a simple meal, clean up and wash clothes. Not too long ago men expected 'the wife' to do all that but I think it's important to share the chores."
– googdude
Based on the comments provided by the Redditors above, people should take note of the characteristics of men they would like to avoid.
And for those men, or even women, who feel uncomfortable with the red flag examples, it may be because they may have some growing up to do themselves.
But overall, a good rule of thumb is: tantrums aren't sexy.
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When we think about cheating in relationships, it often feels like an open and shut case: the cheater was heartless, selfish, and nothing but a villain.
And while we still may come to that conclusion in the end, it can be worth hearing the finer details of the situation.
Perhaps those dynamics can help us to understand the warning signs of wandering eyes and possible infidelity when our own situation becomes less than ideal.
It's never the right move, but there are multiple reasons why it happens. A recent Reddit thread explored those, for better or worse.
Redditor Romantic_Sandals asked:
"People who cheated on their SO, why did you do it?"
Many people confessed to have been cheaters for reasons that were entirely selfish. They used the thread as a space to express their guilt and their desire to change.
Young and Dumb
"In high school I did. At the time, I was 17 and I was just starting to have a lot of girls notice me so it went to my head, and I ended up getting a side chick. After three months of having the side chick and my girlfriend at the time, the guilt was too much and I ended up tell my girlfriend the truth and then left."
"The side chick became my next girlfriend, and we spent about another year together before I left her too for legitimate relationship reason. The fallout and heart ache from all those decisions from that ordeal has made me swear to myself and god that I'd never do that again."
Keep Going
"Because I was a narcissist insecure a**hole. I'm in treatment now. It's a bit late for me but better late than never. Almost 50."
-- netgirljimi
Communicate!
"Cuz I was a fu**in idiot and I chose to listen to someone that I thought I could trust instead of asking my girl if she was cheating on me.😞"
Rationalizing
"I was 18, undiagnosed bipolar, and hypomanic. I didn't take the relationship very seriously at all, and decided 'hey, if I break up with her right after I do it then I won't be such a bad person.' "
"Turns out I was still a shitty person. I never cheated again, never will. I'm madly in love with my partner and literally nothing could distract me from that."
-- grae23
A Smattering of Factors
"Drugs, miscommunication, lust, and then after, post nut clarity is a bi***. The guilt will eat you alive. You don't know why you do it really, other than animal instinct. But then you hate yourself after it"
Caught Up In It
"I was a serial cheater from my teens to my early 20s. To me it was all for the thrill and ego boost. It was fun and exciting doing something I knew I wasnt supposed to especially with a new sexual partner."
"It bloated my ego to astronomical proportions. I remember feeling like some type of rockstar because I had 'h*e's.' I even challenged myself to see how many girls I could sleep with in a single day. Thankfully I matured and realized what an a**hole I had been. It's been 8 years since I last cheated."
Others discussed the flaws of the relationship they turned their back on. There are often plenty of toxic elements that lead to one--or both--partners straying.
Mutual Departure
"We were drifting away from each other. We hadn't seen each other in a month. Just started college, meet the woman I would marry."
"We talked right after it happened, she said she had done the same thing a week prior, we were pretty much broken up at this point anyway. Mutual assured destruction I guess"
-- GearDarkness
People Who Made A Lot Of Money From Something Totally Random | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Tip of the Iceberg
"I thought at the time the only thing wrong in the relationship was just that the sex was bad."
"Afterward I realized a lot of what made the sex bad was lack of attraction and poor communication. Broke up with her and never cheated again."
-- rezuler
Know When to Fold Em
"She was very emotionally abusive and manipulative and I used attention from other women as an escape from that and to help my self esteem. I should have just gotten out of the relationship."
-- SinterClauss
One Who Would Listen
"I was married to a self-centered man/child who saw me as his bang/maid. I put up with it for years and tried to improve the marriage with couples counseling, so many different therapies for couples counseling til I found one he was listening to. I tried and tried, and was the only one putting in any work."
"I had to go onto antidepressants. When this happens you need someone to 'spot' you as the doctors told me that antidepressants increase the chance of suicide. My husband couldn't even be bothered to do that. He couldn't check in on his wife, living in the same house, caring for his children in case she was suicidal."
"The only person willing to do that was a close friend of both of us who actually cared. He would regularly talk with me through my stuff with my family while we gamed. He was my sanity. He was the dear sweet man who I have lived with now for longer then the marriage relationship. He is a wonderful caring human who treats me as an equal."
-- coldandwet
A Key Element of Any Relationship
"He has no interest in sexual contact with me. I'd have to beg and chide for anything once a year. At a certain point, it just became too much work."
-- sjd2109
Hurt People Hurt People
"He was controlling, I needed therapy, I wanted to regain control of myself so I cheated. Multiple times. With multiple guys. He never found out but it eats away at me. I had been cheated on in the past so I never thought I'd do the same to someone else. But I did."
"I am in therapy now, and haven't been in a relationship for at least two years. I won't be until I feel I can choose a good partner and be a good partner."
Finding What They Needed
"Because it made me feel like someone actually wanted me and I could be myself without worrying about criticism."
"I still love my wife but she has control and anger issues that I didn't realize when we got married. Being one of those always right kind of people she can be hard to talk to and isn't receptive to the idea of counseling. That doesn't excuse my own actions but there it is."
-- Goodstapo
Fleeing
"I tried breaking up with an abusive ex but he essentially said "no" but I was at college after this first attempt. Made out w a lot of people never full sent anything, even tho I considered myself single my ex was still trying to make something of it."
"He used to beat me and constantly mentally abuse me and gaslight me, so I honestly had no remorse for what I did. If he found out now even years and an apology for his past actions later, I'd still be afraid he'd come to hurt me."
-- AnnaMak
A Messy Process
"I don't need to go into the whole story because I'm lazy, so TL;DR my girlfriend cheated on me because she was a dumb 19 year old, so I went and drove 2 hours to sleep with an ex that my girlfriend specifically hated for some reason out of spite, because I was an even stupider 19 year old."
"We worked through our issues and are going on 9 years of marriage this year with our 2nd kid on the way."
-- PartTimePOG
Hot Take
"Thought I was gay. Had to be sure before I broke things off with my wife. Turns out I wasn't."
"Never told her, never will. I regret nothing."
-- jandr08
Let's be clear: none of this condones cheating. Rather, we hope an understanding of these warning signs leads to far less of it.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/