Wedding Industry Professionals Break Down How They Knew A Couple Was Destined For Divorce
February 24 | 2021
The photographers, DJs, officiates, and planners of the wedding industry hold a unique perspective.
They get to witness the lead-up to the couple's important, deeply symbolic day. Sitting at the table in that context offers those industry professionals a glimpse of the mundane dynamics of couples before the big event.
<p>And sometimes, those minutiae present some serious red flags for the future of that relationship after the vows are exchanged, the decorations stowed away, and life goes on. </p><p>Lucky for us, some of those industry professionals use Reddit, and they shared the sauciest tales from the world of ominous weddings. </p><p>Justhearmeoit asked, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lq7btk/people_that_work_in_the_wedding_industry_have_you/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">"People that work in the wedding industry, have you ever seen a couple and immediately thought 'this ends in divorce?' Why?"</a></p>
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<p>Some people chose to share about the times when the problems of the relationship weren't subtle at all. They talked about full on arguments and fights that occurred. </p><p>Needless to say, it was clear to these professionals where things were headed for the couple. </p>
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Same-Day Annulment Service?
<p>"They had a big fight the night before the wedding and were considering calling it off. Until the bride showed up 30 minutes before the ceremony, no one was sure if she would be there at all. </p><p>"The groom danced with his MOM more times than he did with the bride. The bride was snippy and nitpicky with the staff all night."</p><p>"The word 'annulment' was cast around and I hope to god they went through with it the next day because holy sh**."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lq7btk/people_that_work_in_the_wedding_industry_have_you/gofrkw5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">pm_me_your_molars</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Damn the Torpedoes, Going Through With it AnywayÂ
<p>"I work and in a hotel. I came in one night to find the wedding was already wrapped up (it was supposed to go until 1 AM and it was 11 PM) because the wedding couple had a fight and she went home with mom."</p><p>"At another one they had a huge rehearsal dinner fight which spilled out into the lobby."</p><p>"Everyone in the lobby found out that she hated his parents, she was pregnant and she had no idea who the father was, and a few other things. Half the guest list packed up and checked out the next day."</p><p>"They still got married."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lq7btk/people_that_work_in_the_wedding_industry_have_you/gofqmg0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mesembryanthemum</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Zero Investment, Just Another WorkdayÂ
<p>"I used to work at a popular wedding venue. Bride and groom came in the day before for rehearsal, checked the decorations, and played a sweet video of the couple, standard wedding bullsh**."</p><p>"Next day, bride and groom arrived fighting the entire time until reception where the groom proceeded to drink himself blind before speeches and had to be carried out, didn't even get to play that video."</p><p>"It was the best shift ever, got to go home early and take home a bunch of food already paid for."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lq7btk/people_that_work_in_the_wedding_industry_have_you/gofktsp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ihatepeasoup</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>In a few cases, the couple itself actually seemed quite strong and loving. Unfortunately, that's not the only thing that matters. </p><p>Marriage unites entire families, for better or worse. </p>
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Water and OilÂ
<p>"A few times as a photographer. The couple were usually fine, the families themselves were too different and combative." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lq7btk/people_that_work_in_the_wedding_industry_have_you/gofjuji?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">AnchorBuddy</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;"><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lq7btk/people_that_work_in_the_wedding_industry_have_you/gofjuji?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"></a>"Oh my god yes. My and my fiance would be married by now if the idea of our families actually meeting wasn't absolutely horrifying." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lq7btk/people_that_work_in_the_wedding_industry_have_you/gog9q1t?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">elkwaffle</a><span></span></p>Horrible Moment to Bring That Up For First TimeÂ
<p>"When the bride and groom argued over why the groom's mother shouldn't get all money given to them on their wedding day. Ya that was a red flag." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lq7btk/people_that_work_in_the_wedding_industry_have_you/gofn53u?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">JoeEIRE</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Hahaha my ex tried to convince me to let his mum take the money that night and we'd collect it the next afternoon when we got back from our hotel stay. Fat chance I'd let the extreme gamblers hold on to that much cash." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lq7btk/people_that_work_in_the_wedding_industry_have_you/gog2wl0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">chanzii</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Love is EarnedÂ
<p>"I've been the DJ at a few hundred weddings. There was drama at most of them in some way. One in particular broke out into an old school saloon style fight like in the old 'Western' movies."</p><p>"I'm pretty sure that one didn't last."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lq7btk/people_that_work_in_the_wedding_industry_have_you/goflnx2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Birdapotamus</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Familial OmensÂ
<p>"Was at a friend's wedding once, it was at the justice of the peace, when the judge or officiant came around to if anyone doesn't believe in the union to speak up or forever hold your peace, a loud 'UH-OH' came shrieking from the back."</p><p>"It was my friends 2 Year old son, everybody was joking saying it was a sign. Less than a year later the couple got divorced."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lq7btk/people_that_work_in_the_wedding_industry_have_you/gogbpxn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">SamLJacksonNarrator</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
<p>And finally, sometimes a lack of commitment and fidelity is screaming from the face--or even lips--of the bride or groom. In word and action, some people play with fire on the wedding day, and show their cards. </p><p>I suppose it is better to know that earlier than later. </p>
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Ogling in the Wrong DirectionÂ
<p>"Photographing the groom and you see his eyes light up when a guest arrives."</p><p>"You look over and it's a cute woman in a short dress. He smiles, walks up to the woman, picks her up and swings her in his arms."</p><p>"Best smile I captured of the groom all day. Marriage didn't last 6 months from what I've heard."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lq7btk/people_that_work_in_the_wedding_industry_have_you/gogg8xm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Twitfried</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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So Everyone's Up to SpeedÂ
<p>"I worked fine dining/catering for over 20 years so IÊ»ve worked lots of weddings and receptions."</p><p>I once heard a bride at the reception during the toasts say that she actually thought she was asking out the grooms twin brother on their first date and that might actually be cute except she ...just kept going on."</p><p>"How the twin was more compatible, etc. then she ended the toast with 'well...as nice as you are youÊ»ll make a great first husband.' "</p><p>"I was walking past the camera man at that time and you can hear me on tape saying 'did you get that? Tell me you got that.' "</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lq7btk/people_that_work_in_the_wedding_industry_have_you/gog0ifw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Scoobymaybe</a></p>Yup, That'll Do ItÂ
<p>"I work for a catering company..."</p><p>"I knew they were going to get a divorce as soon as the bride started grinding on the best man when the groom was puking his guts out in the corner."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lq7btk/people_that_work_in_the_wedding_industry_have_you/gofvs7l?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">shallotthot</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_10" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p><br></p><p>Of course, it would be wonderful to feel assured that all weddings go off without a hitch and lead to a long term, loving relationship. </p><p>But let's be honest, that's not reality. Sometimes the event is a calamity. Apparently, sometimes the partnership itself is a calamity. </p><p>And this is the internet, so those are the stories people love to talk about. </p><p>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">here</a>. </p>
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A recent Reddit thread shed some light on the overwhelming benefits of being single.
Sure, finding a soulmate is wonderful; there are few things greater than true, generative love with another person. But let's face it, that's not always what a relationship actually looks like.
<p>Rather, many relationships are fraught with stress, communication breakdowns, and reciprocal guilt. That can be a lot to carry. </p><p>And then there are the logistics. Having a partner means scheduling, pooling resources, and delegating emotions. </p><p>Some solo Redditors weighed in to celebrate their current individual status. </p><p>lifeasaten asked, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">"What is a reason you are glad to be single?"</a></p>
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A Mind At EaseÂ
<p>"On a day to day basis, I struggle less with feelings of guilt."</p><p>"There are things one misses out on by not being in a relationship, but not beating yourself up over a snappish reply or a thoughtless gesture towards someone you care about are not among them."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggk63v8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kipsydaisy</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Becoming Present
<p>"I'm not a huge fan of the single life but in the past when I've been in a relationship, I always felt like I needed to check my phone 24/7."</p><p>"I like being able to just chill and play video games, watch a movie, hang with friends without checking my phone consistently."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggk16x7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">RealECW</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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One Thing at a TimeÂ
<p>"I'm learning to navigate the world through the lens of my own needs and desires without worrying how I'm being perceived by a partner."</p><p>"I do not believe I will be a good person to be in a relationship until I can do that- so I'm happy to struggle with it."</p><p>"Also I really love dancing poorly to LCD sound system while my dog watches with fear and judgement in his eyes. Not that I couldn't do that before... it's just so free to do it in my own apartment alone."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggjysyt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">buttercupvibes</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Be Sure to Be ReadyÂ
<p>"A lot of people I know who've ruined their lives did so over a lover."</p><p>"Whether trying to get one, keep them, or fighting someone else over them, relationships can be very dangerous if you're too emotionally immature."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggjzxnk?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">BabySuperfreak</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Tis the Season for StressÂ
<p>"Christmas is coming and I have no stress and it's not expensive" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggk4a44?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">YourWifeNdKids</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Agreed. On top of loving that I can live alone, I just bought a house that needs furnished. So aside from the parents/siblings secret Santa, my money is mine to buy what I need and also share what I don't for a good cause."</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Donating to my local animal shelter this year." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggkr0tn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Kharyian</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Plenty to LikeÂ
<p>"I'm naturally very empathetic and a people pleaser. It's a part of my brain that goes into hyperdrive when I'm with someone I like. It's not even conscious most of the time, but it can be exhausting."</p><p>"It's nice that my brain can turn that part off when I'm alone."</p><p>"Also I can wake up and go to sleep at any time I want without messing up my SO's sleeping patterns. And middle of the bed!"</p><p>"And not needing to check in with his plans."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggk9jpe?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Strikhedonia_</a></p>Pragmatic GainsÂ
<p>"I can sleep in the middle of the bed with the fan on if I want. I can also leave something on the table and come back two weeks later and it is still there." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggjx50d?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">GoatSculpture</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Conversely, I can clean off a table and two hours later it's still clean." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggkks1u?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">my_meat_is_grass_fed</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Midnight flatulence without a care." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggk8kyw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">MeanMrMaxwell</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The Un-Obligated Social LifeÂ
<p>"No longer being forced to hangout with their friends." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggjw9fa?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Rude_Attorney_9428</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Especially when the friends are one-dimensional pretentious turnips" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggk987l?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">goldenloxe</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"In a relationship and the worst is having to meet their friends boyfriends. Absolute lottery of whether they're going to be boring or weird and you're stuck with them for hours." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggkmuta?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">bwfcphil1</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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What You Need, When You Need ToÂ
<p>"I visited a friend in Nashville back at the beginning of the year. I'd been there for all of four hours when this little voice in my head went, 'You belong here.' So I'm moving there next summer."</p><p>"Probably wouldn't be able to do that if I wasn't single."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggk7ihd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">EllieD0113</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
A Clearer Mind to Work WithÂ
<p>"I'm glad to be single because I'm learning self-love peacefully. Being in a relationship while working on my self-worth definitely helps open parts of me that need work but also causes a lot of stress."</p><p>"Healing isn't easy but I'd rather do it where I don't have extra obstacles!"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kh98tf/what_is_a_reason_you_are_glad_to_be_single/ggk3a4z?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">christeeeeeea</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">here</a>. </p>
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People Who Ran Away Without A Word Explain Why They Left Everything Behind
December 16 | 2020
Sometimes, things get so bad that a person just needs to go.
<p>There's no time for ceremonial goodbyes, waiting for apologies and granting forgiveness, nor waiting any longer hoping for change. </p><p>A person might leave fast because things have become so dire it would be unsafe to not slip out in secret. </p><p>Or perhaps, leaving suddenly and in one motion is the only way a person can feel what they need to feel in order to actually go through with what's best for them. </p><p>Some Redditors talked about the times they shot out the door and never turned their heads. </p><p>tya_the_Lawyer asked, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kczdbz/those_who_packed_up_and_ran_awaymoved_out_without/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">"Those who packed up and ran away/moved out without saying anything, how did you do it and why?"</a></p>
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Good Old DadÂ
<p>"I left an abusive boyfriend without saying anything."</p><p>"I didn't have a car so I had some people help me move stuff out over a period of a few days."</p><p>"My dad came by with a trailer and got the rest of my stuff. He called me when he got home and I told him I was done."</p><p>"Blocked him in my phone and on social media."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kczdbz/those_who_packed_up_and_ran_awaymoved_out_without/gftlch8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Ginger_Chick</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Long Term InvestingÂ
<p>"I left a house of roommates when I was in college because they were breaking into my locked room and I once found drugs on my dresser after one of their parties. Waited till they went home for Thanksgiving break, and out the door I went."</p><p>"Everything in the house belonged to me besides what was in their own bedrooms. Went to a nice 1 bedroom apt with only me to worry about. I had cleared it with the landlord first, just hadn't told the roommates."</p><p>"I wasn't worried about rent because only three of us were on the lease with about 10 people living there, and only the three were paying all the bills."</p><p>"It was worth every penny to eat the cost of breaking the lease early."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kczdbz/those_who_packed_up_and_ran_awaymoved_out_without/gftta2d?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">contenttob</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Bounced Around, But BetterÂ
<p>"I was moving away from my extremely abusive mom. I packed 2 bags, threw them out of my window, bought plane tickets for me & my kid, and had my cousin pick me up & take me to the airport."</p><p>"I told my mom we were going to pound (a drum class thing) with my cousin. I blocked my entire family, and talked to my best friend and my sister (who I was flying to)."</p><p>"Eventually I checked my phone and unblocked my family. They were all screaming at me trying to find out where I was."</p><p>"I called the police and told them what was going on in case they tried to file a missing person case. I was terrified. I was sad. But my life is so much different now."</p><p>"I didn't stay with my sister long. Less than a month before her grandma kicked me out. Now I'm living in a different place, in my own apartment, with my own things."</p><p>"My kid is happy and not seeing abuse every day. I'm in therapy. I'm still struggling. There are things we need that I definitely can't afford. But I'm doing 100x better than I was in January."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kczdbz/those_who_packed_up_and_ran_awaymoved_out_without/gfu1gt3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">nymphaticbaja</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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A Good Support System = Friends + TrucksÂ
<p>"Realized how abusive my partner was when he finally escalating to hitting me. Then he tried telling me I 'wasn't allowed' to just throw out our relationship without giving him a chance."</p><p>"Nope. I've seen that Lifetime made for TV movie ..."</p><p>"...so I played nice until he left for work the next day, called up and old friend who showed up within like 2 hours with his 2 roommates and a truck, and left without so much as a note."</p><p>"Thank God for good friends."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kczdbz/those_who_packed_up_and_ran_awaymoved_out_without/gftwaf4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">InannasPocket</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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A Brief and Worthy Case of Car JackingÂ
<p>"Abusive relationship that was escalating. Escaped while he was at work."</p><p>"He had two cars and obviously only took one to work - I did not have a car, we lived in the absolute middle of nowhere where I knew no one, and he had convinced me to get on the same credit card account with him and would revoke my access when he was mad with me."</p><p>"In short, he expected me to be stuck without recourse."</p><p>"A friend bought me a plane ticket. I drove myself to the airport in the second car."</p><p>"Sent him a picture of the car with the parking spot number visible (so he could come get it) right as I was boarding the plan with the word single word: 'Bye.'"</p><p>"I was homeless/couch surfing for a little bit after that. Could have gone really, really bad. Life is good now."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kczdbz/those_who_packed_up_and_ran_awaymoved_out_without/gfu97hv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">AggressiveExcitement</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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A Hell of an AfternoonÂ
<p>"First husband wasn't a bad person but he was a lousy husband. I was lonely and isolated and basically a housemaid who paid the bills, and had been moving out 'in my head' for some time."</p><p>"We were at an actual social event for once and somehow he decided that I made a joke at his expense (I hadn't) so he wasn't talking to me. He was a pro at the silent treatment."</p><p>"I figured that since I was buying and cooking and washing up and cleaning and doing the yard work and laundry for two people while unhappy, it would be much easier doing it for one person, whether happy or otherwise."</p><p>"I left my rings on the front hall table, called a friend with a van, and was gone by noon. Had a new PO Box, bank account, and apartment by 3pm."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kczdbz/those_who_packed_up_and_ran_awaymoved_out_without/gfudk8o?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Flahdagal</a></p>Finding Something BetterÂ
<p>"Had an abusive boyfriend. I waited until he went to work and packed a few of my things thinking the rest didn't matter as long as I had my life."</p><p>"I called a close friend who had said if there was ever anything he could do for me...guess who paid for my plane ticket."</p><p>"He is now my fiancé and I've never been in a better relationship."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kczdbz/those_who_packed_up_and_ran_awaymoved_out_without/gftusp6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Think-Anywhere-7751</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Steer Clear of DramaÂ
<p>"I was living in a 2 bedroom condo with my landlord in the other room. I am gay, he's gay, and he has a boyfriend."</p><p>"The boyfriend started trying to guide me toward having sex with him, especially when my landlord wasn't there."</p><p>"I just went to bed every time he did it, didn't say anything, found another apartment, gave 1 month's notice, and moved out suddenly without warning 3 days later. I do not f*** around with that sh**."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kczdbz/those_who_packed_up_and_ran_awaymoved_out_without/gfuksmn?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Sapphire_Sorceress</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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A Private VictoryÂ
<p>"When I was about 6 or 7, my mum and I got into a fight (I think I just wasn't getting enough attention), I was so upset I packed a bag and left."</p><p>"I only made it about 2 blocks, hung out at another apartment complex for a few hours, then thought better of it and came home. No one noticed 🙄"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kczdbz/those_who_packed_up_and_ran_awaymoved_out_without/gftud8e?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">brooke_157</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
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Some people have a list of deal breakers a mile long. Others (shout out to you, Libras!) can roll with pretty much anything as long as you're not a terrible person. Some people haven't actually put real thought into their deal breakers, which tends to pop up as a problem later on down the line.
<p>Personally, if a person has done their work, we share values, and they bring a solid playlist to the game, they've got a good chance of getting my attention. But my absolute deal breaker is fun. </p><p>If you don't approach life with an eye for fun then we absolutely cannot be in a romantic relationship. I have a blast by myself and laugh my way through the day. If a person isn't improving that, then no thank you. </p><p>One Reddit user asked: </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jhe6kj/what_is_a_relationship_dealbreaker_for_you/" target="_blank">What is a relationship deal-breaker for you?</a></p><p>So let's talk about it, fam!</p>
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Patient And Supportive
<p>I have a good deal of trauma that I am working through in therapy, as well as depression and anxiety.</p><p>If someone can't be patient with me and supportive of my healing then they've no place in my life as a romantic partner. And because of my anxiety, with how bad it can get, I need someone who isn't going to yell or snap at me for it. I grew up with my parents telling me I was constantly over reacting and invalidating my emotions.</p><p>And then there's obvious things such as manipulation and cheating.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jhe6kj/what_is_a_relationship_dealbreaker_for_you/g9yudlq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">WaywardCosmonaut</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Nothing More Profoundly Selfish
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDU5MDgyMi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2NjI0MTIyOH0.JtmJL1PFreuKICd5zcn8n2cbbjfoJYhs65qRNN7zX2A/img.gif?width=980" id="720e2" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="07fc465f2910c732b443b37f7a89e014" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="370" data-height="278" />mothers day smoking GIFGiphy<p>Smoking. Not going to deal with it. I don't want to smell your stink. I don't want to kiss an ashtray. I don't want to damage my lungs with your pollution. I don't want to watch you die a slow wasting death decades before you should have. I've watched it happen to half of my family. Your heart breaks. But you also hate them for it just a little bit...</p><p>There is nothing more profoundly selfish than smoking.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jhe6kj/what_is_a_relationship_dealbreaker_for_you/g9yrg8o?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Tuxedo-Duck</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Clutter
<p>Someone who isn't conscious about how much clutter there is in the house.</p><p>I lived in a house with my mother and she is an EXTREEEEME hoarder, and so the house is so cluttered. There's only like three paths in the entire house. They start from the couch where she sleeps and go to" </p><p>the bathroom</p><p>the TV</p><p>and the kitchen - which is the most disgusting room in the house. It's got all this dirty water in the sink, dead food in the entire room, and the fridge has mold growing in it. </p><p>I never let any of my friends come visit because of how disgusting it was. It's almost like the house from resident evil 7, but without the bits of broken down flooring and such. </p><p>Also, I was afraid that their parents weren't going to let me be their friend anymore. Now I keep my little apartment as clean as I can -with the exception of dust, because I don't own a duster.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jhe6kj/what_is_a_relationship_dealbreaker_for_you/g9yt923?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">PDKSkeitter</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The Deception Is The Problem
<p>So I'll add one that's a bit unusual. I'm in a poly relationship with several people. Everyone knows; although not all of them are poly themselves, they at least know up front where I am.</p><p>The deal breaker is concealing a relationship. If one of my partners goes on a date with someone, I'm cheering for it to go well. I hope they had a great time, and it won't bother me at all if they develop a relationship.</p><p>So then, there's absolutely no reason to hide anything. If I find out that one of my partners has been seeing someone and hasn't told me, then the relationship is over, full stop. I don't care if you're seeing someone, why are you lying to me about it? The deception is the problem.</p><p><span></span>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jhe6kj/what_is_a_relationship_dealbreaker_for_you/g9zt7pv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">throwaway414063</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Changing The Deal Breakers Is A Deal Breaker
<p>Going back on your word about a deal breaker and pretending like you didn't. </p><p>I don't care if you change your mind on something, but tell me. Don't just sit on it until it comes up. </p><p>My ex did this 2.5 years into the relationship, denied he ever agreed that something was a deal breaker. But he did agree, enthusiastically. He later told me I was ridiculous for it being a deal breaker.</p><p>I was adopted and given a wonderful life. I know it's not for everyone, and that's totally cool. But he went for hours about how great it was and that he'd love to give a good home to a child like one was given to me. </p><p>2.5 years in and he told me that it was stupid for that to be a deal breaker and I just wanted to do what my mom did, etc. </p><p>My current husband and I agreed that adoption is definitely on the table for us. It's not set in stone, but the option is there. Lots of kids need good homes.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jhe6kj/what_is_a_relationship_dealbreaker_for_you/g9ybi95?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">LeeVH1</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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A Fitness Fixation
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDU5MDg1Ny9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0OTg2MTI1Mn0.gzVcFJjZjpKusUjCXAitKaZdlIrpVpIh7CHwoR_Idvc/img.gif?width=980" id="45af7" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="03399c3edc09bd4b36e0edb429ca661b" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="350" data-height="361" />frustrated jump GIFGiphy<p>Different fitness level than me. But I'm not talking about this in a "looks" way. </p><p>I'm really athletic and do athletic type stuff as a hobby: hiking, backpacking, climbing. But I do it to the max. I seek out extreme experiences. I enjoy harsh climates, test your metal type level stuff. </p><p>I've had partners that do this level of activity with me and its awesome, and that's what I prefer. So a partner needs to not only be interested in that stuff and capable of physically keeping up with it. </p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jhe6kj/what_is_a_relationship_dealbreaker_for_you/g9ysysy?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">areuseriousjk</a></p>Space Is A Must
<p>If he won't give me my space. </p><p>I do not text back instantly, and I'm not into spending every waking moment in contact. I have other things I enjoy or need to engage in besides a romantic relationship, let me have my own life.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jhe6kj/what_is_a_relationship_dealbreaker_for_you/g9zxbsa?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">gambitgrl</a></p><p>Being Overly clingy / jealous</p><p>My ex from college would text me all the time - on Facebook, MSM that would cluster my notifications, etc. They would get jealous of the dude that would sell me my favorite chocolate filled donuts or anyone really that spoke with me. Also, holding my arm like if I was gonna poof out of existence if they let go and give me some space.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jhe6kj/what_is_a_relationship_dealbreaker_for_you/g9zfs5p?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Milizapiainc</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The List Potentially Expands Forever
<p>Irresponsibility/unaccountability.</p><p>Using your phone <em>constantly</em>, even on a date.</p><p>Homophobia/racism/sexism/any form of hateful behaviour like that.</p><p>Wanting kids.</p><p>Having different love languages that the other person won't try to invest in.</p><p>Sex pests...!</p><p>Smoking.</p><p>Drugs.</p><p>Excessive drinking.</p><p>A lot of these I didn't know I had until previous relationships had presented these issues to me... They've now become a litmus test for any future relationships, and who knows, the list may expand with every new relationship I get. 😂</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jhe6kj/what_is_a_relationship_dealbreaker_for_you/g9ybw98?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">blinkrandom</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Shh
<p>Talking during movies.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jhe6kj/what_is_a_relationship_dealbreaker_for_you/g9yblt7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Damnthatnotcheap</a></p><p>This cannot be upvoted enough.</p><p>When I go solo to the movies and people start talking, I've lost all patience for the insolence; you get one "shh", then I say "Hey Siskel and Ebert, save it for AFTER the movie"</p><p>...granted I haven't done it in a while since the movie theatre has been shut down for the past 6+ months. Prior to that I used to say "no one has paid to hear you talk, please stop"</p><p>I also go up to people who break out their phone and tap them on the shoulder and tell them "Please turn your phone off, it's disrupting the other patrons"</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jhe6kj/what_is_a_relationship_dealbreaker_for_you/g9z0v6k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DivorceAfterDisabled</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
Angry All The Time
<p>There are a couple of little ones like being racist, messy, or have no social skills. But a big deal breaker for me is when they're angry all the time and do nothing about it. </p><p>Like in the mornings? I understand not being a morning person but mornings happen. Deal with it. When they don't want to ever go on a morning walk or make breakfast until 11am, etc. that's a deal breaker. I don't want to deal with someone who is always in a bad mood. </p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jhe6kj/what_is_a_relationship_dealbreaker_for_you/g9y9hgz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Justin_C_82</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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There are certain expectations you have of your partner in a relationship, most of which are behavioral.
You make a contract with each other. And if someone breaks that contract, it can break down the relationship.
<p>u/xCombust asked:</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ftuww4/what_is_an_instant_turnoff_in_a_relationship/" target="_blank">What is an instant turn-off in a relationship?</a></p><p>Here were some of those answers.</p><p><br></p>
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Narcissism
<p>Refusal to admit they have done anything wrong. Never apologizing. Constantly positioning as the victim. Deluding themselves by twisting reality so they never have to honestly look at themselves.</p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/OhBlaDii/" target="_blank">OhBlaDii</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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They Can't Learn
<p>A big red flag in either a romantic relationship or just a friendship for me, is when the person you're talking to is always either the hero or the victim in every story they tell.</p><p>Usually a pretty good indicator or how they view themselves / interact with the world, and it usually means they're going to be "my way or the highway" or "everyone else is to blame for everything"</p><p>Both are insufferable qualities</p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/InsolentFoolBoy/" target="_blank">InsolentFoolBoy</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Just Dodging Bullets
<p>Listening to your girlfriend talk to her daughter's father like complete and utter garbage on the phone even though he was having a family emergency in a hospital and hadn't actually done anything wrong. Screaming and name calling and all that because she wanted to talk to their 2 year old but grandma had her at home.</p><p>Took me all of 30 seconds to realize that would be me eventually getting treated like garbage so I enjoyed the rest of the night with her, said when we talked on the phone the next day I didn't think things would work out long term. Oh yeah, she has a pending assault charge for breaking his nose that I didn't find out about til that same night.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/protozoicstoic/" target="_blank">protozoicstoic</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Insults Are Always Red Flags
<p>Inability to communicate problems without yelling or insults. I've spent my whole life training myself not to yell at or insult someone unless it is 100% justified. I like discussing and resolving issues in a levelheaded manner where both sides get an understanding of the situation from the other perspective. Just please, for the love of God, don't insult me for asking about your parents when I don't know how your family life is. That's why I'm asking.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/TheMerk10/" target="_blank">TheMerk10</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other
<p>Being controlling and demeaning, not turning off lights in unused rooms, lying, complaining about health issues but refusing to do anything to get better/under control</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/CaraAsha/" target="_blank">CaraAsha</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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When It Lets Itself Go
<p>I think when you're in a relationship, all the loud chewing and putting the to in the wrong way kind of evens out. They're not glaring. What for me is a turn off is that cut off point. Where you're so sure of the other person that you start taking them for granted. You don't check in on the relationship, you stop talking and the comfort of not having to look good, or even smell good seeps in. </p><p>And you get stuck in this cycle that you may not even realise is happening because all those small things just be one so routine that you forget what it's like to be in love with someone, what it's like to feel a bit nervous about someone. How beautiful the other person is and how you should tell them. How much you cherish that unspoken comfort and support, how the little touches as they walk by you mean something. How you forget to appreciate the individual.</p><p>That's where I check out, that's the real turn off.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/lexior/" target="_blank">lexior</a></p>Empathy Is Key
<p>Being rude to customer service people. If you can't empathize with how hard they have to work, I can't imagine they'll be pleasant when we are having some issues.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/partyinthemind/" target="_blank">partyinthemind</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Thou Shalt Not Name Call
<p>Name calling. Maybe not a deal breaker for everyone, but I've always felt like there was no excuse for anyone to call me derogatory names. My dad NEVER called my mom names. So that what I expected from my husband (and myself.) I never call my husband names either.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Brides-be-crazy/" target="_blank">Brides-be-crazy</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Sniff Sniff
<p>Someone who is always complaining. It could be about the smallest things or really big things. But a person that is a constant source of negativity is not someone I personally would like to spend too much time with.</p><p>It comes down to that saying, "If it smells like poop wherever you go, check under your shoe."</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/adhiyodadhi/" target="_blank">adhiyodadhi</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
Honesty, Turning Saints Into The Sea
<p>I don't know how many others can relate to this, but that's definitely one of the most important things if I want to start a relationship:</p><p>Don't tell me lies or half-truths, even if it's just because you think it would make me insecure or mad.</p><p>A lot of people don't agree with me, but if I want to start a relationship, my end goal is possibly building a family. I'm going to ask you personal opinions and things about you and your past, and you're free to ask me whatever you want. If you're not comfortable, just tell me that you don't feel like answering. But if you answer, be 100% honest, because if I find out that you were lying or omitting things, for WHATEVER REASON (even not to hurt me), it's an immediate turn-off for me, and I lose trust really quickly.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Use_R_Name_92/" target="_blank">Use_R_Name_92</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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