Being a part of a wedding is high stakes, for better or worse. And the more complex it is, the more likely things will go wrong. Trust me--that's why I pretty much eloped. Crazy sh*t can go down when it comes to peoples' big day.
“But how bad can they be?" The answer to that is pretty freakin' horrific. Topdogkingchamp asked:
What's the worst thing you've witnessed at a wedding ?
Let’s dive in, and watch the train wreck go down. Via Reddit, of course.
Wedding slapstick is less funny than you think.
“Only horrible for one person. The main hostess for the reception of about 30 guests. She carried in the 3-tier wedding cake, rather than using a cart. She not only dropped it, but fell face first into it on the floor. First dead silence...then a few giggles....and then her emotional breakdown like I have never seen before.
She was completely devastated from both the embarrassment and ruining that special moment. We all eventually assured her that we're half drunk and don't care about the cake. The best part was that she easily collected $1000 more in tips than she would have had that not happened.”
A not-so-best man.
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“Was a wedding DJ for 7 years. DJ'd several hundred weddings. Seen a lot of stuff.
One horrible thing I've witnessed: I introduce the best man to give his speech and hand him the mic. He starts out by saying, (paraphrasing because this was years ago but pretty close to the quote IIRC) "Well, there were a lot of things that I didn't agree with in this relationship when it first started, and that I still don't agree with because it's seriously messed up and unbalanced and the dynamic is too one sided, etc. etc. (he's starring at the bride while saying this, proceeds to trail off)...... but......that's not why we're here today. We're here........ to celebrate the marriage between Jack and Ingrid.....so I just want to say congratulations, best of luck to you guys, etc. etc."
Everyone in the whole place was just looking around, glancing nervously at one another.
Afterwards the father of the groom or bride (can't remember which one) comes up to me and says, "Thank you for not cutting the mic. I saw you looking at the head table and at us for direction and when you didn't get it, you didn't act. I appreciate that because I think it would have been even more awkward if he had just been cut off and didn't get the chance to at least come back to congratulating them."
Most awkward compliment I've ever received.”
How rude.
“My dad taking pictures at my brothers wedding. It doesn't sound bad, but he was getting in the way of the photographer my brother hired. Ever pic he tried to take my dad was right beside him inching him out and pushing him out of the way. My brother and mom were both really pissed at him.”
Bad timing, dad.
“I've only been to one wedding and it was dad's cousin's wedding.
My dad's uncle (the groom's father) did a toast when the groom and bride were at the alter, and he said, "I'm glad I made it out here today. I just want you guys to know that I have cancer and I'm going to die soon. Congrats to my son and his beautiful bride. Enjoy your time!"
Everyone was in complete silence. It was the most awkward thing I've possibly ever witnessed.
FWIW, this was in 2008 and the groom's father is still alive."
[deleted]
At least they finished the ceremony.
“I've shared this before, and in the end it turned into a story to retell, but the pastor officiating my wedding had a heart attack, and my (now) wife and I caught him as he fell. We have video of my wife, in her wedding dress, consoling the pastor's wife, who was in tears behind the podium. One of my groomsmen is an ER doc and handled the situation well, and the pastor finally came back around. He was stubborn and insisted on finishing the ceremony (through the sound of sirens of the ambulance coming for him). Then my brother (best man) passed out minutes later. Apparently he had put on the wrong collared shirt and it was too tight around the neck. At least the EMTs had something to do while the pastor finished up.
My brother spun and handed the rings off to ER Doc groomsman as he fell, and my wife and I just busted up laughing at that point.”
Well, it can’t get any worse. That is, until the in-laws get involved.
Now that’s what I call a big yikes.
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“My time has come.
Good friends getting married; it was a medium-sized wedding (no more than 75 people, including the bridal party and groomsmen). The bride's sister-in-law is pissed off something mighty. It was a wedding and reception by a lake, and everyone knew the venue, so we dressed accordingly-- shirts and comfortable trousers, sundresses and sandals, etc. Sister-in-law is dressed like she's heading out for an evening of dinner and dancing. Sky-high heels, tight dress, rhinestones everywhere. She looks gorgeous! But it's not comfortable. And we're outside.
The ceremony is sweet... except for the words "F*cking bugs... f*cking pine needles, godd*mn dirt..." that's being picked up from the small (yet apparently mighty) microphone up front.
Right after the ceremony, we walk over to the gazebo/picnic area where the reception will be, and the sister-in-law starts lobbing her high heels at her husband, screeching about what an awful day it is, gashes her husband's eyebrow open. While people are scrambling to get him napkins because facial wounds bleed like a motherf*cker, and try to get him into a car to drive him the the hospital for stitches she decides to up the ante. She says "I can't take this anymore!" and throws herself off of the dock in a dramatic swan dive.
The problem is, the lake at that point was only four feet deep, and marshy, so instead of a suicide, she just sort of... bobs? along in the water because everyone's more concerned with her husband's eye/face. Sister-in-law's father just turns towards the lake, tells her to get her a** out of there and cut the sh*t.
They pile into two cars and drove off. It was surreal."
The Best 'Actually, You're Speaking To The Boss' Experience | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Maybe ask for a ride next time.
“Bride and groom were 2 hours late to the wedding.
Neither one of them has a license, but had to have a wedding out in the woods. They never thought to contact anyone and ask for a ride to their wedding.
Of course they didn't pay the cell phone bill and it got shut off. Didn't matter because there was no cell reception where we were anyway.”
That bride is kind of a bad*ss.
“Ex girlfriend of the groom showed up at the wedding...uninvited and drunk. He broke up with her 10 years earlier, and has not seen her in over 8 years. She was loud and saying very perverted thing about what she wanted to do to the groom. The bride steps up, goes all out and punches the ex in the face... knocks the ex out cold.
The bride we know is a normally calm and peaceful person. A few of us carry the ex out of the reception and drop her at her apartment about 20 min away. Bride told my wife that ‘there is nothing that will ruin my wedding day’.”
That bride is right- never let anyone ruin your special day. These next few people should’ve had that mindset.
The poor bride.
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“My husband and I were invited to the wedding of a military buddy of his. We were running a little late, but weren't too worried. We got onto base and headed for the main chapel (there are three or four chapels on base). When we got to the main chapel, it was apparent that there was no wedding going on. Looked at the invitation again. It just said "Post chapel" and gave an address. So obviously, this wasn't the post chapel that the bride had intended and I whipped out my phone to look up the address. We drove to that part of the base and found the place. It was some sort of administration building, definitely not a chapel.
We were confused, but we found a building with "Chaplain's office" on the directory so we figured we'd been invited to some sort of civil ceremony. The building was locked. Now thoroughly confused and late at this point.
As we were wondering what we should do, we see an older gentleman in a tuxedo wandering around. He's pretty clearly in the same boat. Turns out he's the groom's father and he doesn't have any more idea what's going on than we do. After a few more minutes, a soldier arrives. He's the chaplain's assistant and he's looking for lost wedding guests (namely the groom's father). Turns out the bride put down the wrong address and the wrong chapel name on the invitation.
By the time we got to the wedding (which they had delayed because the groom's dad was missing), the bride was in tears. I felt so bad for her."
They finally started the wedding, and the chaplain gave an awkward sermon about "being clothed in Jesus' love" and lost his place several times. Finally, as the ceremony was over and the guests began to applaud, a bat fell down out of the ceiling and died.
Craziest wedding I'd ever been to."
Rule #1 of weddings: NEVER do this.
“At my friend's wedding reception, her little brother asks if he can have everyone's attention. We all think he's going to give a sweet surprise speech about his sister. When all eyes were on him, he turned to his girlfriend and said this whole wedding reminded him that he wanted to ask her an important question. Then he asked his gf to marry him.
She said yes but my friend yelled "OH HELL NO YOU DIDN'T!" and stormed out of her reception.”
“My parents had a pretty disastrous wedding. I wasn't there to witness it but my parents and the guests tell the stories all the time.
The wedding was in July, they were expecting a hot, sunny day but it ended up being a major downpour. My mother had a taxi scheduled to take her from her hotel to the church, due to the rain the taxi was super late. As my mother was waiting, in her wedding dress, she gets hit by a car. She gets knocked to the ground, but it wasn't hard enough to break any bones so she just walks it off. Unfortunately, her dress picked up a lot of the mud from her fall and a big chunk of lace was torn. It turns out the car that hit her was actually the taxi that was supposed to pick her up.
She finally makes it to the church, my father was in tears, on the verge of a nervous breakdown thinking that she wasn't going to show. Again, because of the rain, about a third of the guests didn't make it. The rest of the ceremony went ok.
At the reception, the hotel was understaffed due to the rain and the DJ couldn't make it (again, due to the rain) so the reception consisted of guests sitting around in a silent room waiting for food. A plus one soon decides that she is literally dying of hunger so she goes up and cuts a slice of the wedding cake for herself before my parents had taken pictures with the cake or sliced it.
On the positive side, later on they discovered that a restaurant in the hotel had a jukebox so the restaurant lets them move it into the banquet hall and they're able to pop in some quarters to get music playing.
It was a disaster at the time, but now they look back at it and laugh.
Edit: This was near Chicago around 40 years ago. They're no strangers to rain so I'm assuming it was some monsoon level storms or flooding... I never thought to ask."
The Goof!
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"A wedding I went to with my brother. It was his best friend's wedding and it was at this small town 15 minutes from me by a local lake. It's warm but it was beautiful that day and everyone was dressed up really nice."
"So they do the vows in front of the lake (with the photographer somewhere taking photos) and as they turn to face everyone else, the groom pulls out his phone super-fast and takes a selfie RIGHT there with his wife. She looked super shocked then shoved him and we all bust out laughing. He's a total goof and it was freaking hilarious."
- Lodur
Bride grabs a knife...
"Ooooh, I got one. I went to the wedding of two good friends. Bride was neglected/abused by her mum as a child, but decides to invite her as an attempt at reconciliation. So we're at the reception part of the evening. Mum is talking to Bridesmaid, and (no one knows what prompted this). Says to her "well I guess it's a good thing you can't have kids isn't it?" Bridesmaid bursts into tears, Bride grabs a knife to threaten Mum (someone stops her), Mum is bundled into car by her partner, and they disappear into the night."
6 Months Later...
"Definitely my friends wedding last year. They had only known each other for 6 months or so before they got married. She was Mormon, he was Atheist. We all thought it was really weird. The parents of the bride and groom hated each other. Two moms got into a verbal argument, then it because physical. I don't know who make the accusation, but one said they're only getting married because she's knocked up. Aaaaand she popped a baby out 6 months later trying to pass it off as a premee. Yea no."
- wtfapkin
How Depressing...
"I went to a wedding with my boyfriend a few years ago. his friend was marrying a woman that NO ONE liked. she was awful. during the ceremony we could all tell that the best man was uncomfortable. as soon as the ceremony ended the best man burst into tears for about 10 minutes and had to excuse himself."
"You could tell he just realized that is best friend was gone forever. we tried to cheer him up and reassure him that him and the groom would still be close, and that the bride wasn't too bad. Everyone present knew it was a lie and we were all just so depressed."
"Later, the bride came and yelled at our entire group (all of her husband's friends) because we weren't dancing enough. we weren't dancing because they had no DJ, just a short playlist with the couples favorite (not dance-y) songs being played on repeat. I think throughout the whole night we heard playlist start and end about 5 times."
Speechless...
"The rest of the groomsmen and I were hanging out in a room off the reception hall about 30 minutes before the ceremony started. The mother of the bride came in and asked us if we wanted her to give us all oral sex. She was a bad tweaker and was already drunk. None of us knew what to say."
- tmagnus
Not the Place
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"The usher was handing out little pamphlets, and as he did would let every single person know that he had just got engaged recently."
some random country crap...
"The DJ got so drunk that she couldn't even stand. She didn't have the brides wedding song, so a group of people all joined hands and tried to sing the song (some random country crap) for her and she just stood in the middle of the circle crying in her dress, and no one knew the lyrics. And her father got wasted and started a fight which ended with him destroying a stop sign with his fists. Let's not forget that us in the wedding party got picked up in a NASCAR stretch limo. Classy, classy, classy Florida."
- treylek
On the spot...
"Not witnessed by me, but my ex gfs mother. A relative of the bride had a heart attack while dancing traditional Greek songs (like a big half circle of people running, she was leading the circle) She died on the spot, rest of the party was canceled. It actually made the news."
Ummm....
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"The groom waiting at the end of the aisle all smiles and happiness until a bridesmaid came quietly walking down the aisle and pulled him aside to talk to him. The bride had run off."
- Kilen13
Here’s how to not f*ck up a wedding in three easy steps: don’t make it about you, be careful with the cake, and NEVER EVER propose to your partner at someone else’s reception. It’s tacky af.
After reading this, it confirmed that I’m so glad I eloped.
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
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"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
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"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
