One of the coolest things about working from home is that I can literally do my job while sitting on the beach. It's a feature I take advantage of often - like this morning.
My morning beach trip ended with me looking mightily uncool, but Reddit helped me feel better by pointing out that some things just aren't doable in a cool-kid kind of way.
Having a toddler pee on you while you slow-mo fall down a sand dune because you're overloaded with bags (and currently-peeing baby) is one of them.
Reddit user Apxm asked:
"What can nobody on Earth look cool doing?"
Y'all read this, I have laundry to go do.
No Smooth Recoverycoughing GIFGiphy
"Recovering after saliva sinks into your throat and makes you choke."
"Or worse, your drink accidentally starts down the wrong pipe and you cough for hours afterwards."
"And then someone asks 'Do you need a drink of water?' NO! That's what caused this!"
"This happened during a job interview once."
"As soon as I sat down at the desk, the manager took a drink and it did not go well. It was very awkward... and I had no idea what to do. I did not get that job 🤣"
"Trying to pick something up that's blowing away in the wind."
"One time one a windy day a dollar blew out of my hand and I chased it for a couple steps. Then I realized what I must look like and I just walked away lol"
"My grandmother broke her arm doing that."
"Unexpectedly walking into a spider's web."
"Why do they always get me in the eyes??? Every freaking time!"
"We call that spontaneous karate."
"There is no better karate instructor than a spiderweb to the face."
Why Is This A Thing?sitepandawhalecom GIFGiphy
"Why does that even exist? And how does anyone ever decide that what they wanna do in their lives is to walk professionally?"
" 'I will walk... I will walk faster than anyone has ever walked.' "
"I tried to watch a bit of every sport during the Japan Olympics, so I gave race walking a shot."
"The worst part of all is that they go for like 55kms or whatever it is, and it could easily be a beautiful loop through Tokyo, past different interesting scenery. But it's not. It's a 1km loop that they do 55 times."
"The biggest let down of my life was watching the start of the Junior Olympics race walk."
"Tons of anticipation…the starter’s voice calling 'Racers to you mark!'…the BOOM of the gun"
"…aaaaand 8 people start walking."
"Getting out of a beanbag chair."
"Especially if you are pregnant."
" 'Come on, let's go!' "
" 'You guys go ahead, I'll catch up...' "
"You do a tactical roll off of it to look cooler."
"Carrying a bag of dog sh*t."
"I literally said to a guy at the dog park not 30 minutes ago, as I was walking to the garbage can with poo bag in hand...'no one can make this cool.' "
"My dogs drop a load & for whatever reason, want to get away from it asap."
"So not only am I cleaning up poop, I am yelling and struggling with two big labs pull me trying to run away from the pile."
"Having a very weak stomach and gagging and retching while picking up my dog’s steaming pile, I definitely don’t look cool."
"I worked with someone who parked her golf cart on a hill near the green."
"I still remember seeing the look of terror on her face as she chased after the cart as it start rolling down the hill towards the pond."
"She did not look cool. Nobody could."
The Fart TableBaby Fart GIFGiphy
"Recovering on the fart table after a colonoscopy."
"They have to inflate your colon to get easier passage and a better view and all that gas has to come out. You spend a good 5-15 minutes just ripping the biggest farts (by volume) of your life."
"I'm sure they're 100% used to it because I was warned as my first one started."
"I did 15 minutes on the fart table after mine."
"For those wondering, after a colonoscopy you lie on a table that tilts so your butt is slightly elevated, allowing the air that entered your colon during the procedure to rise and escape."
"A fart table."
Two Seater Trauma
"Getting out of the backseats of a two door car."
"Oh god I watched my mom do this couple months ago. I was wheezing on the ground from laughing so hard."
"It’s feels like you're Ace Ventura being birthed from a rhino."
"Chasing a ping pong ball."
"Most undignified sh*t in the world. Actually kinda ruined ping pong for me."
"Trying to chase after a ping pong ball that's on the loose and you can't properly anticipate each bounce is the most humbling experience."
"You have to flick the ball with your foot and then you catch it, that makes it look cool."
We're all un-cool friends here, so it's your turn to talk.
Have you done something incredibly awkward lately? Or seen something nobody could possibly make cool?
Meet us in the comments, lets talk about it.
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Being a man has its advantages.
For example, most men have the luxury of standing and peeing.
The embarrassment of being called up by the teacher to solve a math equation on the blackboard during a "peak" time as an adolescent male is very inconvenient.
Or so I've heard...
But as much as a gender has its perks, they also have their share of drawbacks–which was closely examined after Redditor figinjosejospe asked:
"What’s the worst thing about being a man?"
Because men are often portrayed as resilient and strong, they are always expected to rise above adversity.
"The general lack of empathy or support. You can do it because you're a man. I'm drowning on all fronts here, just looking for anything to help."
Men Can Be Victims Too
"Sexual harassment and sexual assaults are usually a joke or not taken remotely serious when you're a guy."
"I've been sexually harassed and assaulted at work, and told 'lucky guy!' Or 'they're old enough to be your mother, take it as a compliment' as if that makes the situation better. In the end, honestly, if you're a guy and made sexually uncomfortable, it's too bad so sad, move on. When I approached management about it I'm just told 'Well, let's make it a clean slate and move on'. What? They literally dry humped me? Grabbed my a**? Even when a member does it, it's just completely fine?"
"Men aren't normally seen as victims. We're just expected to not be or to not be effected by it."
"Work for Costco btw, it anyone is curious as to where this happens."
Due to the fact that the majority of predators happen to be male, guys have to be hyper-aware of their conduct–even when their intentions are purely innocent.
Careful The Things You Say
"We cant say kids are cute without being on fbi watch list."
All Guys Are Not Creeps
"While driving a classmate past a daycare I frequently pass on my runs, i commented that there's a bunch of cute kids that play there, just thinking it's nice there's still something good and pure in this messed up world. He started acting like I said they were sexy or something. I don't stare at anyone's kids, I'm just out for my run and looking ahead. Had to tell the guy 'look, I'm almost 30, everything about my biology is screaming to make babies. So just chill dude. Not everyone is a creep' still made me feel bad the rest of the day."
Pegged As A Pedo
"Isn't my baby so cute??"
"Bruh you f'king pedophile get the f'k out."
These male Redditors had damning experiences working with kids.
Forced To Give Up On A Dream
"The stereotype that all men are pedophiles if they like working with children. Volunteered at the daycare that I went to when I was young for a field day event. One of the mothers there expressed her concern for a male being there around her kids and word got back to me. I was pursuing a degree in early childhood edu and dropped out and gave up on that dream because a lot of people thought I was weird or that I must be some sort of pedophile."
Consequences Of A Joke
"A friend of mine (a guy) worked as a daycare worker for a few years. Until one day some 12 yr old girl told one of the workers he had made a comment on her boobs, so he was immediately fired. The next day the girl asked where he was, and then when they explained it to her, she said she was just lying because she thought it would be funny. They offered him his job back but the whole situation was so mortifying for him that he has never worked with children ever again."
"Im on vacation and yesterday i had to babysit my cousin while my aunt and my mom were trying out clothes. A concerend employee asking what we were doing and she said 'i dont know him, he just sat near me!'. Great. Keep in mind that im 17 and shes 11. And the thing is, we do know each other. If her mom didnt come out when she did, the police probably would have been called."
"I feel this. My mum runs a daycare and hired a male POC. Mind you he was the best person ever with kids and all kids at the daycare loved him. Nonetheless, many parents decided to change days when their kids would come. And ofc this meant they wanted to change the date to a day when this man was not working. My mum always believed in him and kept him hired and brushed off concerns of parents since he NEVER did anything wrong. He was her best employee. Just goes to show how fucking prejudiced people can be."
The list goes on, but another common complaint was hair issues.
Hair, There, Everywhere
"Hair, everywhere, I mean seriously, does it have to come out of my ears?"
"Body - you're getting older now, what would you like to ease the burden?"
"Me - oh I dunno, knee lubricant?"
"Body - hair out of the ears it is!"
"The lack of respect men receive as parent."
"Not being able to interact with children without fearing being called a Peado."
"It can be desperately lonely, especially for the introverts."
"Extremely weak emotional connection with male friends and peers."
Hair loss is definitely a bruise to the male ego.
I would sooner shave my head completely than walk around with a partial scalp reveal on the crown of my head.
Besides, there are plenty of people who think being bald is kinda hot. Amirite?
"Don't touch me or my skin!" is a legendary battle cry in my family, courtesy of a frustrated and dramatic then-three-year-old.
She wanted to be picked up and cuddled, but also not touched in any way shape or form.
Honestly - same, fam.
Like... it's impossible but also I totally get it.
Reddit user NoLifeNoSoulNoMatter asked:
"Parents of toddlers, what was today’s meltdown-worthy tragedy?"
Buckle up, friends.
Toddlers are a wild and confusing ride.
"He asked me to open the banana but he didn't get to open it himself"
"This is why I just slightly open it and then give it to them to finish the job. Took me many MANY breakdowns to figure it out."
"This one is the worst. 'I can’t open it. Dad you do it'. I open it. 'Why did you doooo that?! I waaaanted to oooooopen it!!!!'."
"Lmao I feel so seen right now"
"This. Mine says 'No, my turn!!' God forbid you don’t let her do the thing. Which is normally just closing a drawer or something mundane."
"He wants to put a box on my head but it's broken and keeps falling off. So apparently it's ruining his play time."
"How dare you"
"I mean my playtime would definitely be ruined if my mommy's head kept falling off."
Ah Yes The Terrible 22's
"Took the car down to the body shop to get the side panel that he crunched buffed out. The car won't be ready until Wednesday but he wanted to go back downtown to party with his roommates tonight. He's 22."
"Ah the terrible twenty-twos! Hopefully he grows out of it soon!"
"So, you’re telling the rest of us that the whining never stops. Thanks. Haha"
"He's a great kid and we're very lucky. But yeah, the whining never really stops."
There Was A List
"First: his dad left for work. Second: he dumped out the box of goldfish crackers. Third: I picked up the goldfish crackers. Fourth: it wasn’t the right episode of Paw Patrol. Fifth: I won’t let him eat shoes."
"Wow that last one is just plain rude of you."
"Oh, don’t you love it when they want the second part of the show and you have no idea which one it is because they only list the first part?"
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy
"My husband kissed me and apparently he is only allowed to show her affection. There was a lot of screaming and forcibly pulling us apart."
"My toddle is like this but the reverse. He fully believes I am his woman."
"(Nods in Sigmund Freud)"
"Yep. From what I remember It takes a while to understand the concept that affection is not a finite thing"
We Get This One
"She wasn't on the couch with her bottle and teddy bear."
"But actually, she was, but things weren't right"
"I mean to be fair how many of us are guilty of this? Or like when I get my food and blankies and become ensconced and then Netflix won’t play what I want or the remote is out of reach?"
"The worst is settling in with blankets and snacks only to realize the remote is out of reach. Ugh! I have to get up now?!"
"Aw bless. She just doesn't know how to explain how she feels."
"So far she's communicating 'eat', 'more', and 'banana'. We're slowly working our way up to the fung shui of the couch haha"
Those Two Are Tough Ones
"The cat was touching his toy. The toy HE threw onto the cat..."
"He also had a meltdown because his leg was attached to him..."
"Ok I need more information on the leg"
"We were driving along, all of a sudden from the back seat he starts crying and what not."
"I can't get it off!"
" 'My leg!' queue him pulling at his leg through fits of tears..."
"I flushed his poop and can’t get it back and now he can’t poop again."
"This one. I still love to embarrass my 15 year old by bringing it up. His dad flushed the toilet after he peed when he was maybe 3 or 4 years old. It was just before bedtime. Oh the heartbroken tears coz 'daddy flushed my wee'. Told him to go again. 'I don't have soooooome', was the wailed answer"
"I love this, but want to add to it- my kid is convinced the toilet can’t handle his poop. I’ve shown him how the toilet works, I’ve explained the entire sewage processing system to him several times, but he’s not going for it."
"I thought the answer would be to show him 'dad’s poop going down', so I asked his dad to 'save' a poop to flush with him watching.Dad sent a text, I sent my kid up, and seconds later I hear traumatic crying. Kid came running downstairs crying about daddy’s 'massive' poop, (my kid loves the word massive, but is good at using it in proper context), and I think we’re a good 3 months before he’ll even try pooping in the potty again."
I Have Rights
"Watched my 3 year old niece. Apparently not letting her eat cat treats is a violation of her civil rights"
"I've sharpened my pitchfork & lit my torch. You are obviously a monster."
"Talked to my pediatrician because my child kept eating the cat's food. (Elderly cat, tall toddler, really couldn't put the food up higher.) He suggested we switch to a moister food so my kid wouldn't choke."
"Let her eat them. They won't harm her."
Let's be honest—they're a lot more relatable than we'd like to admit.
Years ago, I knew a girl who came from a very strict family of Christian evangelicals. We never hung out, but she was forbidden from wearing anything "secular" and always looked very uncomfortable. It was apparent she suffered from anxiety.
She eventually found a few friends but I recall one friend who hung out at her place later told classmates that they had to answer questions about their religious affiliation before they would be allowed to enter the house.
I don't know if there's any truth to that story at this point but that would have been a giant red flag for me, just saying.
People shared their stories with us after Redditor daryandy asked the online community,
"What was the strangest rule you had to respect at a friend's house?"
"Friend wasn't allowed..."
"Friend wasn't allowed in her room unless she was sleeping or changing her clothes. She wasn't allowed to shower for more than 10 minutes. Her brother was also locked out of his room and was forced to take cold showers. All so they wouldn't pleasure themselves."
This is over the top and sounds like a surefire way to make overly sexual kids.
"A good friend of mine..."
"A good friend of mine went through a season where he didn’t have running water at his house so the rule in the house was that no one could come over unless they brought a couple gallons of water with them to pour into the toilet in the event that they had to poop."
Poor kid, growing up with that kind of stuff really sucks, even when it's only temporary. Especially if other kids find out.
"It wasn't really..."
"It wasn't really rule of the house but my friend's parents were huge helicopter parents. Went to a concert with a friend and we had to call (not text) her parents every hour to let them know we were okay."
Oh no, helicopter parents are the worst. That's no way for a kid to live.
"Her mom made us..."
"No "boy talk."
"Her mom made us keep the intercom on when we were in her bedroom and would listen to us talk, if we started talking about Boys, she would chime in and tell us to change the subject. We were 15/16 and not having the privacy to talk about crushes and stuff felt weird."
This is so wrong I don't even know where to begin with it.
"We had to keep our hands..."
"We had to keep our hands above the covers when we went to sleep so they could make sure we weren’t “doing anything”. I was 9. Literally was the last time I spent the night there. Weirdos."
Yeah... I can't say I blame you. Run for the hills. Not people you want to remain around.
"Stayed at a friend's house one night and the family communicated exclusively through whispering... not just hushed voices but full on hand to ear. Serious mind f*ck."
Something about this just gives me a creepy feeling.
"No one was allowed to laugh at the dinner table or talk other than to ask, "Please pass the. . ." No one was allowed to leave the table (even for a potty emergency) until the dad was done eating."
I don't understand this. This seems to defeat the purpose of eating as a family.
"It was impossible..."
"My friend's mom's boyfriend had one of those rooms we weren't allowed in for any reason. Problem was, it was the living room."
"It was impossible to get to the kitchen without going through that living room. Also couldn't reach the door to the backyard. So I never once entered the kitchen in that house, and any trips to the backyard meant walking out the front door and going through the gate on the side of the house."
Another one I just don't understand. Why are people like this? And the living room of all places? The living room?!
"I remember watching a movie at a friend’s house with another person, so there were three of us sharing a bowl of popcorn."
"Before any of us went to eat the popcorn, my friend said it was a rule in their house that each person can only pick up one small single piece of popcorn at a time.. we’d have to finish chewing it and wait to swallow it until picking up the next one individual piece of popcorn."
That's frustrating, would be better just to give everyone a bowl to split it. Especially since I bet the rule was made for potentially dirty hands.
"We had to finish..."
"We had to finish all the milk in the cereal bowl. Like every drop. But we weren't allowed to pick up the bowl or be noisy. Imagine three little kids carefully trying to drink milk from a spoon without slurping or scraping the bowl while one scary AF mom watched us in silence."
Something about this just grosses me out. Probably because I just don't like milk in cereal most of the time.
Your childhood feels pretty normal in comparison, doesn't it? You bet it does. I feel for some of the people here. Their parents are truly something else.
Have some stories of your own? Tell us more in the comments below!
Many people lie or exaggerate about seemingly little things. For example, I've wondered if many are lying or at the very least stretching the truth about the number of partners they've had.
One of those strange things where half of the people are lying and making the number higher, and the other half are lying and making it lower.
It's funny, isn't it? But you do you! What do we know?
People shared some of their thoughts with us after Redditor SleepingOmibozu asked the online community,
"What's something you're 100% sure most people are lying about?"
"How much their side hustle nets them."
When it comes to side hustles, everyone is much more successful than they actually are.
"Steroid abuse in the fitness industry."
This is a big one. So many people who say they're natural are juicing.
"I have read..."
"I have read and understood the terms and conditions..."
Stop attacking me! I did not ask for this!
"That they don't..."
"That they don’t pick their nose."
Yeah, right. The number of people I've seen digging for gold in public is so high.
"Fully understanding the plot of the Metal Gear Solid series."
I stopped trying to. Do I get a cookie? I'd love one.
"How often they clean..."
"How often they clean their bed sheets."
I'm not even going to ask. I think I will be seriously horrified by the answer.
"If you're not busy..."
"About their productivity levels. If you’re not busy, you’re not a good person."
Yeah, whatever. This is as bad as bragging about not taking breaks at work. It's not a good look.
"So many lies."
"Their income. So many lies."
Many people feel very self conscious about their salaries. It's sad.
"Why they're late."
"Why they’re late."
I'm not late often but when I am it's usually because of something ridiculous where if I said the truth it would sound like a lie.
"Hating the word..."
"Hating the word 'moist.'"
I love the word moist and I won't apologise.
You mean there are still people going on about this? It's just a word, people. Calm down.
Life's a competition, apparently. Take what a lot of people tell you with a grain of salt. That's the best advice.
Have some observations of your own? Tell us more in the comments below!