One of the coolest things about working from home is that I can literally do my job while sitting on the beach. It's a feature I take advantage of often - like this morning.
My morning beach trip ended with me looking mightily uncool, but Reddit helped me feel better by pointing out that some things just aren't doable in a cool-kid kind of way.
Having a toddler pee on you while you slow-mo fall down a sand dune because you're overloaded with bags (and currently-peeing baby) is one of them.
Reddit user Apxm asked:
"What can nobody on Earth look cool doing?"
Y'all read this, I have laundry to go do.
No Smooth Recovery
coughing GIFGiphy"Recovering after saliva sinks into your throat and makes you choke."
- NoPaleontologist6056
"Or worse, your drink accidentally starts down the wrong pipe and you cough for hours afterwards."
"And then someone asks 'Do you need a drink of water?' NO! That's what caused this!"
- narrauko
"This happened during a job interview once."
"As soon as I sat down at the desk, the manager took a drink and it did not go well. It was very awkward... and I had no idea what to do. I did not get that job 🤣"
- Violetrose806
Wind
"Trying to pick something up that's blowing away in the wind."
- FungicideEater
"One time one a windy day a dollar blew out of my hand and I chased it for a couple steps. Then I realized what I must look like and I just walked away lol"
- nobodyeversoslightly
"My grandmother broke her arm doing that."
- dirtythirty1864
Spontaneous Karate
"Unexpectedly walking into a spider's web."
- Feels2old
"Why do they always get me in the eyes??? Every freaking time!"
- Obviously_a_douche
"We call that spontaneous karate."
- NotMandinga21
"There is no better karate instructor than a spiderweb to the face."
- tartar-buildup·
Why Is This A Thing?
sitepandawhalecom GIFGiphy"Racewalking."
"Why does that even exist? And how does anyone ever decide that what they wanna do in their lives is to walk professionally?"
" 'I will walk... I will walk faster than anyone has ever walked.' "
- V02D
"I tried to watch a bit of every sport during the Japan Olympics, so I gave race walking a shot."
"It suuuuuuuuuuucked."
"The worst part of all is that they go for like 55kms or whatever it is, and it could easily be a beautiful loop through Tokyo, past different interesting scenery. But it's not. It's a 1km loop that they do 55 times."
- svenson_26
"The biggest let down of my life was watching the start of the Junior Olympics race walk."
"Tons of anticipation…the starter’s voice calling 'Racers to you mark!'…the BOOM of the gun"
"…aaaaand 8 people start walking."
- Hecho_en_Shawano
Getting Out
"Getting out of a beanbag chair."
- hmmgross
"Especially if you are pregnant."
- RainbowsarePretty
" 'Come on, let's go!' "
" 'You guys go ahead, I'll catch up...' "
- 3-DMan
"You do a tactical roll off of it to look cooler."
- jetpuffedo
Responsible Ownership
"Carrying a bag of dog sh*t."
"I literally said to a guy at the dog park not 30 minutes ago, as I was walking to the garbage can with poo bag in hand...'no one can make this cool.' "
- Marlowebabe
"My dogs drop a load & for whatever reason, want to get away from it asap."
"So not only am I cleaning up poop, I am yelling and struggling with two big labs pull me trying to run away from the pile."
- dailysunshineKO
"Having a very weak stomach and gagging and retching while picking up my dog’s steaming pile, I definitely don’t look cool."
- Rude_Imagination_981
The Chase
"I worked with someone who parked her golf cart on a hill near the green."
"I still remember seeing the look of terror on her face as she chased after the cart as it start rolling down the hill towards the pond."
"She did not look cool. Nobody could."
- cagibaxii
The Fart Table
Baby Fart GIFGiphy"Recovering on the fart table after a colonoscopy."
"They have to inflate your colon to get easier passage and a better view and all that gas has to come out. You spend a good 5-15 minutes just ripping the biggest farts (by volume) of your life."
"I'm sure they're 100% used to it because I was warned as my first one started."
- Revenge_of_the_Khaki
"I did 15 minutes on the fart table after mine."
"For those wondering, after a colonoscopy you lie on a table that tilts so your butt is slightly elevated, allowing the air that entered your colon during the procedure to rise and escape."
"A fart table."
- bbenji69996
Two Seater Trauma
"Getting out of the backseats of a two door car."
- No_Client7651
"Oh god I watched my mom do this couple months ago. I was wheezing on the ground from laughing so hard."
- moonkingoutsider
"It’s feels like you're Ace Ventura being birthed from a rhino."
- Mowgli9991
Ping
"Chasing a ping pong ball."
- HoneyAndThunder
"Most undignified sh*t in the world. Actually kinda ruined ping pong for me."
- Bony_Eared
"Trying to chase after a ping pong ball that's on the loose and you can't properly anticipate each bounce is the most humbling experience."
- CountBacula322079
"You have to flick the ball with your foot and then you catch it, that makes it look cool."
- RicardoMayo_
We're all un-cool friends here, so it's your turn to talk.
Have you done something incredibly awkward lately? Or seen something nobody could possibly make cool?
Meet us in the comments, lets talk about it.
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But as much as a gender has its perks, they also have their share of drawbacks–which was closely examined after Redditor figinjosejospe asked:
"What’s the worst thing about being a man?"
Because men are often portrayed as resilient and strong, they are always expected to rise above adversity.
Expectations
"The general lack of empathy or support. You can do it because you're a man. I'm drowning on all fronts here, just looking for anything to help."
– OldHolly
Men Can Be Victims Too
"Sexual harassment and sexual assaults are usually a joke or not taken remotely serious when you're a guy."
"I've been sexually harassed and assaulted at work, and told 'lucky guy!' Or 'they're old enough to be your mother, take it as a compliment' as if that makes the situation better. In the end, honestly, if you're a guy and made sexually uncomfortable, it's too bad so sad, move on. When I approached management about it I'm just told 'Well, let's make it a clean slate and move on'. What? They literally dry humped me? Grabbed my a**? Even when a member does it, it's just completely fine?"
"Men aren't normally seen as victims. We're just expected to not be or to not be effected by it."
"Work for Costco btw, it anyone is curious as to where this happens."
– FanaticDamen
Due to the fact that the majority of predators happen to be male, guys have to be hyper-aware of their conduct–even when their intentions are purely innocent.
Careful The Things You Say
"We cant say kids are cute without being on fbi watch list."
– albertkapla
All Guys Are Not Creeps
"While driving a classmate past a daycare I frequently pass on my runs, i commented that there's a bunch of cute kids that play there, just thinking it's nice there's still something good and pure in this messed up world. He started acting like I said they were sexy or something. I don't stare at anyone's kids, I'm just out for my run and looking ahead. Had to tell the guy 'look, I'm almost 30, everything about my biology is screaming to make babies. So just chill dude. Not everyone is a creep' still made me feel bad the rest of the day."
– Electrofungus
Pegged As A Pedo
"Isn't my baby so cute??"
"He's adorable!"
"Bruh you f'king pedophile get the f'k out."
– FestiveSquid
These male Redditors had damning experiences working with kids.
Forced To Give Up On A Dream
"The stereotype that all men are pedophiles if they like working with children. Volunteered at the daycare that I went to when I was young for a field day event. One of the mothers there expressed her concern for a male being there around her kids and word got back to me. I was pursuing a degree in early childhood edu and dropped out and gave up on that dream because a lot of people thought I was weird or that I must be some sort of pedophile."
– RetroactiveThoughts
Consequences Of A Joke
"A friend of mine (a guy) worked as a daycare worker for a few years. Until one day some 12 yr old girl told one of the workers he had made a comment on her boobs, so he was immediately fired. The next day the girl asked where he was, and then when they explained it to her, she said she was just lying because she thought it would be funny. They offered him his job back but the whole situation was so mortifying for him that he has never worked with children ever again."
– dorkjaden
The Cousin-Sitter
"Im on vacation and yesterday i had to babysit my cousin while my aunt and my mom were trying out clothes. A concerend employee asking what we were doing and she said 'i dont know him, he just sat near me!'. Great. Keep in mind that im 17 and shes 11. And the thing is, we do know each other. If her mom didnt come out when she did, the police probably would have been called."
– RobloxJournalist
Built-In Prejudice
"I feel this. My mum runs a daycare and hired a male POC. Mind you he was the best person ever with kids and all kids at the daycare loved him. Nonetheless, many parents decided to change days when their kids would come. And ofc this meant they wanted to change the date to a day when this man was not working. My mum always believed in him and kept him hired and brushed off concerns of parents since he NEVER did anything wrong. He was her best employee. Just goes to show how fucking prejudiced people can be."
– Tesseru
The list goes on, but another common complaint was hair issues.
Hair, There, Everywhere
"Hair, everywhere, I mean seriously, does it have to come out of my ears?"
– butcherboy76
The Option
"Body - you're getting older now, what would you like to ease the burden?"
"Me - oh I dunno, knee lubricant?"
"Body - hair out of the ears it is!"
– OrdinaryGymRatAbroad
The List
"The lack of respect men receive as parent."
"Not being able to interact with children without fearing being called a Peado."
"It can be desperately lonely, especially for the introverts."
"Extremely weak emotional connection with male friends and peers."
"Hair loss."
– Squiggles87
Hair loss is definitely a bruise to the male ego.
I would sooner shave my head completely than walk around with a partial scalp reveal on the crown of my head.
Besides, there are plenty of people who think being bald is kinda hot. Amirite?
Reddit user NoLifeNoSoulNoMatter asked:
"Parents of toddlers, what was today’s meltdown-worthy tragedy?"
Buckle up, friends.
Toddlers are a wild and confusing ride.
Going Bananas
"He asked me to open the banana but he didn't get to open it himself"
- kooror
"This is why I just slightly open it and then give it to them to finish the job. Took me many MANY breakdowns to figure it out."
- CinderRebel
"This one is the worst. 'I can’t open it. Dad you do it'. I open it. 'Why did you doooo that?! I waaaanted to oooooopen it!!!!'."
- sojuandbbq
"Lmao I feel so seen right now"
- J33P88
"This. Mine says 'No, my turn!!' God forbid you don’t let her do the thing. Which is normally just closing a drawer or something mundane."
- AmericanKamikaze
GiphyBox Head
"He wants to put a box on my head but it's broken and keeps falling off. So apparently it's ruining his play time."
- Ccaster0620
"How dare you"
- AzureBluet
"I mean my playtime would definitely be ruined if my mommy's head kept falling off."
- Ordinary-Greedy
Ah Yes The Terrible 22's
"Took the car down to the body shop to get the side panel that he crunched buffed out. The car won't be ready until Wednesday but he wanted to go back downtown to party with his roommates tonight. He's 22."
- optiongeek
"Ah the terrible twenty-twos! Hopefully he grows out of it soon!"
- BlueJeanMistress
"So, you’re telling the rest of us that the whining never stops. Thanks. Haha"
- sojuandbbq
"He's a great kid and we're very lucky. But yeah, the whining never really stops."
- optiongeek
There Was A List
"First: his dad left for work. Second: he dumped out the box of goldfish crackers. Third: I picked up the goldfish crackers. Fourth: it wasn’t the right episode of Paw Patrol. Fifth: I won’t let him eat shoes."
- Autumn_Tea95
"Wow that last one is just plain rude of you."
- BlabBehavior
"Oh, don’t you love it when they want the second part of the show and you have no idea which one it is because they only list the first part?"
- Fallwalking
Giphy
So Jealous
"My husband kissed me and apparently he is only allowed to show her affection. There was a lot of screaming and forcibly pulling us apart."
- turtchel
"My toddle is like this but the reverse. He fully believes I am his woman."
- J33P88
"(Nods in Sigmund Freud)"
- Levitatethemic
"Yep. From what I remember It takes a while to understand the concept that affection is not a finite thing"
- Daggerfont
We Get This One
"She wasn't on the couch with her bottle and teddy bear."
"But actually, she was, but things weren't right"
- BronzeAgeTea
"I mean to be fair how many of us are guilty of this? Or like when I get my food and blankies and become ensconced and then Netflix won’t play what I want or the remote is out of reach?"
- Munneh
"The worst is settling in with blankets and snacks only to realize the remote is out of reach. Ugh! I have to get up now?!"
- MountainHighOnLife
"Aw bless. She just doesn't know how to explain how she feels."
- PrawnCocktailWotsits
"So far she's communicating 'eat', 'more', and 'banana'. We're slowly working our way up to the fung shui of the couch haha"
- BronzeAgeTea
Those Two Are Tough Ones
"The cat was touching his toy. The toy HE threw onto the cat..."
"He also had a meltdown because his leg was attached to him..."
- Boogzcorp
"Ok I need more information on the leg"
- RepresentativePin162
"We were driving along, all of a sudden from the back seat he starts crying and what not."
"I can't get it off!"
"What?"
" 'My leg!' queue him pulling at his leg through fits of tears..."
- Boogzcorp
My Poop!
"I flushed his poop and can’t get it back and now he can’t poop again."
- peachandscream
"This one. I still love to embarrass my 15 year old by bringing it up. His dad flushed the toilet after he peed when he was maybe 3 or 4 years old. It was just before bedtime. Oh the heartbroken tears coz 'daddy flushed my wee'. Told him to go again. 'I don't have soooooome', was the wailed answer"
- Objective_Sink5398
"I love this, but want to add to it- my kid is convinced the toilet can’t handle his poop. I’ve shown him how the toilet works, I’ve explained the entire sewage processing system to him several times, but he’s not going for it."
"I thought the answer would be to show him 'dad’s poop going down', so I asked his dad to 'save' a poop to flush with him watching.Dad sent a text, I sent my kid up, and seconds later I hear traumatic crying. Kid came running downstairs crying about daddy’s 'massive' poop, (my kid loves the word massive, but is good at using it in proper context), and I think we’re a good 3 months before he’ll even try pooping in the potty again."
- Perfect_Orchid2984
GiphyI Have Rights
"Watched my 3 year old niece. Apparently not letting her eat cat treats is a violation of her civil rights"
- LanguageResident
"I've sharpened my pitchfork & lit my torch. You are obviously a monster."
- JustHereForCookies17
"Talked to my pediatrician because my child kept eating the cat's food. (Elderly cat, tall toddler, really couldn't put the food up higher.) He suggested we switch to a moister food so my kid wouldn't choke."
- mel2mdl
"Let her eat them. They won't harm her."
- Sacu_Shi_again
GiphyLet's be honest—they're a lot more relatable than we'd like to admit.
