Why are people so dumb? Ok, maybe that's harsh. Maybe some of us just speak dumb.
I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt when in conversation, but I'm consistently disappointed.
So I've come to three conclusions... people really don't think before they speak, brain farts are more frequent then we'd like to believe or... people are dumb. And maybe hearing isn't a gift, but a curse.
Thoughts?
Redditoru/Away_Television9221wanted to discuss the things we've heard that made us want to stab our ears repeatedly by asking:
What's the stupidest thing you've ever heard someone say?
I've lost track of the amount of times I've been asked outrageously idiotic questions. I have literally been frozen in disbelief. Sometimes I get asked if I'm having a stroke. I'm not, I'm just paralyzed with shock. Let's see who can relate...
Ask Nemo
finding dory GIFGiphy"How do fish breathe when they are eating cabbage underwater?"
"Coming from the new guy in the class to the bio professor in HS."
- kayra551
Oh Girl...
"A girl in my class genuinely thought the sun was the size of a basket ball and "the stars" were the size of golf balls. She failed to grasp how heliocentricity worked despite being shown a model and having it explained to her very slowly and deliberately."
"She failed to understand indoor plumbing and seemed to believe that some water just naturally existed in a state of "hot" since she expressed agitation at the tap water being cold and asked if "anyone can refill the hot water or something." She sincerely believed that all cats were female and all dogs were male, no she didn't have an explanation for how they reproduced and implied it happened via divine means despite the fact that she wasn't religious."
"She didn't understand how wages or loans worked and genuinely thought people could just withdraw as much money as they wanted from the ATM and that poor people were just too lazy to go to the ATM. She said something new this dumb every week, these are just some of the more memorable ones. Oh, and she was around 15-16 at the time."
Up Where?
"Was star gazing with a mate one night out camping. He said dead serious (and sober) "do you think there are like, other planets up there floating around in space?" I didn't know how to reply."
"You sure he didn't mean other planets with life similar to ours? Surely someone can't be that stupid."
- Coltyn03
In the Bed
"Used to work maintenance for college student housing. Every unit has its own parking directly off the street in front of it. Tenant complains he has 6 yeti coolers stolen. I say "oh no, how terrible. Those clever criminals, however did they break into your home? I never noticed a work order for a broken door or window here?" Tenant: "... uh... they were in my truckbed..."
People Explain The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened To Them On Their Birthday
Deep Breathes
best friends vegan GIF by Mercy For AnimalsGiphy"Cow is the only animal which not only inhales, but also exhales oxygen."
"--Rekha Arya (Minister of Animal Husbandry, Uttarakhand, India, 2018)"
"Edit: There are quite a lot of dumb comments made by politicians but I chose this one because it is not as problematic yet definitely very stupid."
I don't even know where to begin. I'm again frozen in my shooketh state. How do human beings survive with every breathe we take? It's a miracle we've made it this far. Shall we continue?
SNL
Scared Saturday Night Live GIF by HULUGiphyMy wife : "What day is Saturday night live on?"
- Eenvy
Hot and Cold
"The sun is cold, otherwise the universe would be super hot."
"Relative to the rest of the universe, sure. Relative to other stars, my understanding is that the sun isn't particularly hot (not particularly cold either, I believe it falls somewhere in the middle if you are comparing how hot all stars are.)".
- Tie_Jay
Holed Up
"I don't believe in outer space. If there was outer space all our air would be gone." My new neighbor said this awhile back. I GTFO and have been avoiding him ever since."
"My grandfather was opposed to NASA because they were, apparently, "poking holes in the atmosphere."
And Toes?
josh holloway sawyer GIF by The Paley Center for MediaGiphy"If someone loses their finger, their child will be born without a finger."
Oxygen Use
"My gf said she had to keep refilling her fishbowl (which is in direct sunlight all day) with water because the fish kept drinking the water."
- xSerebii
"They do use up the oxygen in the water."
- sarcalom
When 40...
"I had this 40-year-old woman come into work and say that she wanted to return a small bottle of hand soap. I asked her if anything was wrong with it, to which she said:
"Well, it says on the bottle that it's foaming hand soap, and I looked inside and there is no foam. So I want to return it."
I had to take a second to see if she was pulling my leg. She wasn't."
"I explained to her how foaming hand soap worked and she seemed so surprised. Then she left with the soap. That was the first customer I ever had working there."
Why so Sad?
"One of my old managers was asking me why the nurses were so unhappy, as they liked to confide in me. I pointed out that the company was short staffed, so the nurses had a HUGE workload in a very emotional intense specialty and it had been that way for almost 8 months (pre-covid)."
"They were also getting paid less than the area norm. She then said "I think of my job like my marriage. People should stick out the tough times and wait to see if it gets better!". Ummm no. Mind you this woman had just bought a brand new house and Tesla on her salary and constantly dropped the ball on the patients I sent her."
In the Sky
Art Moon GIFGiphy"The moon can't be in the sky when the sun is up." -Kindergarten teacher.
"Literally saying this standing so the moon was in the sky behind them."
"Guess when I realized adults can be hopelessly clueless."
Oh Josh
"If you save 20 cents a day for a year, you'll save over $1000. I'm so doing that!". He was reading something on Facebook.
"Overheard two coworkers chatting about this. I had to stop them and say "if you multiply $1 by 365, the amount of days in a year, how much money would you have, Josh?"
"Josh is gullible. Don't be like Josh."
That Germany Trip
"We were traveling through Germany by bus. Every now and then we would come across a sign saying "AUSFAHRT", meaning exit of a highway. After riding on that highway for a good hour or so (and seeing many of these signs), some girl thought she would make a clever remark and went: Damn what's up with this Ausfahrt city, it's huge!!! Everyone who heard it facepalmed and she did as well when we explained."
- ieff8
Indy Don't Know
Harrison Ford GIFGiphy"My uncle cited Indiana Jones movies as proof that the world was going to end in 2012. He was dead serious and I began to question what genes I was born with."
Not in My Country
"There are no gay people in my country." Very intelligent person, never expressed any homophobia at any other occasion, and actually was involved in the gay-straight alliance and similar projects at my high school. I don't want to be the person that says "they're not bigoted because they have friends from x group" but this person had several gay friends. They were just convinced however that for some reason, there were no gay people at all in the country they were raised in."
Gimmes the Citrus
hip hop squares eating GIF by VH1Giphy"Grapefruit shrinks fat."
"I asked well why are there fat people. She said oh because they probably don't like grapefruit. I said, people would eat dog crap if it shrunk fat!!"
I really thought I had heard it all in my days as a waiter, but life never ceases to amaze. I tell you if you really want to hear some nonsense that will follow you forever, work as a waiter for one week. You'll never see people the same way again. I gotta get earplugs.
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Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
Join me...
Scandal
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555
Oh My Wow GIFGiphy"biggest disappointment"
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
Unfair_Biscotti2828
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
Creative_Recover
The Dead
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
valkyrieonaunicorn
"matriarch"
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
insertcaffeine
Everybody
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDregan
John Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphySounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
People Issues
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311
Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphySo Dumb
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
This_Personality3731
Liar Liar
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
UniqueUsername82D
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
Hello_Im_the_world
Maria?
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2Bach
Excited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphyWell the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
Floating
Relaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
gil_beard
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
Sanguiniutron
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
NnyIsSpooky
'migraine cocktail'
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
LarryLong*alls_
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
master_baitor12
Shake It
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
Quanisha8472
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
tevelis
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
wrichards12
The Itch
Scratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Existing-Seat5962
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!
Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Lime_Rose
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
Ok_Sprinkles_8777
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
curlyfat
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
Batcraft10
That Feeling
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
Apprehensive_Pen_793
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
cocoawhirl
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
Apprehensive_Bet_438
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
doodwhatsrsly
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
AngiesPhalanges
A Good Rest
dog puppy GIFGiphy"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
Puitzza
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
pitypuruty
I am enthralled by all of those things.
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duh
seth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
glorified_throwaway
Don't Minimize
"Everybody goes through that."
rukasu83
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
MasterOfRNoSleep
"They try to minimize it."
Previous_Ad7725
Stellar Advice
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
CrayolaSocks
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
HumanityIsACesspool
"physical health"
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
TheLastKirin
Relax
Calm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy"You need to calm down."
sorceress__stoned
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
LBIdockrat
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
Tips
Season 23 Reaction GIF by Law & OrderGiphy"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
Mediocre_Ad8282
The Standard
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
allgamerprogram
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
NilPill
Be Faster
"'Stop being lazy.'"
LadyBirdLadyBirdLady
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
_Varien_
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
Ms_Schuesher
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
TheFrustrated
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
RisingPhoenix5271
'contamination'
Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Zoooples
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.