The Neverending Ride
I once got off the wrong bus stop on purpose because I didn't want to tell the bus to stop, so I just waited for it to stop itself.
I've gotten off at the wrong stop because I didn't want to tell the driver I didn't mean this one...
Totally Into the Sportsball
After work, I decide to get a beer at a bar. I teach night classes on a side of town I'm not used to, so I go into random sports bar and I sit alone. I do not watch most sports. Later...
Me (in my mind): it's getting late. I should go home.
Random guy: hey, this Texans game is good! Can't believe (something footbally happened)
Me (pretending to know football stuff): yeah, these dudes are dope! The Texans are in for some trouble if they mess up!
Guy: FINALLY! Someone on my side!!
The guy buys me beer. We are now best friends. Turns out we are the only fans of whatever the other team is in this bar. We bond over our outsider status. I have no idea what to say and as the night goes on, he keeps buying beer. I have pretended to like football for too long to come clean now. I end up watching the whole game. Our team lost. I didn't get home until midnight
Run, Run, Runaway
I was in a dance class a few years ago and we had to do improv. Everyone there was a WAY better dancer than me,so I had a difficult time just with that. Well,my teacher gave us 5 mins to come up with a dance to a whole song,and you'd have to dance in front of the class alone. I noped the f' out of there and ran and hid in the bathroom. My cell phone was still in the classroom,but at that point I didn't care. I decided to sneak out the front door of the studio. Well there's a small problem there. The walkway to the parking lot was in front of the giant windows of my classroom. I decided to just duck down and run the best I could, hoping no one saw me. I made it to the car and had my Dad run in and get my phone. Didn't go back to my class for a few weeks there.
My girlfriend was a server at a restaurant called Bonefish and she was supposed to ask "Have you ever dined at Bonefish?" but instead she asked "Have you ever boned at Dinefish?" She was mortified but her customers thought it was hilarious.
I've been to Bonefish with my buddy. At one point the waitress comes up and says "Hey guys. How are you? How's everything? " and my friend said "WE'RE DELICIOUS " very loudly. We got a new waitress.
I once hid from my family when they came over for the holidays out of fear of interaction. I hid especially from one of my cousins who was socially aggressive and just made me really anxious. I had nowhere else to hide where there wasn't people, so I went into my bathroom and hid under the sink (I was about 8) and just planned to stay there as long as possible. My cousin (the aggressive one) came in, took a long and winded shit and then left. I just stayed there and am to this day even more terrified of interacting with him. I saw nothing but I heard.... every... sound.
When I was in middle school the teacher had us all read a chapter aloud to the class. Nervously awaiting my turn to read I started to read aloud to the class while someone else was currently reading. Not only once but three times.
Say My Name
Bartender asked me what my name was....I forgot and had to think about it.
I was taking an oral Korean exam and my professor asked my name, I just stared at her with a look of horror because at that moment I forgot my name. She asked again in English and It took about a minute of silence for me to remember my name. Got a 95 at least.
Walked past my classroom but didn't wanna look stupid doing a freshman 180 so I circled alllllll the way around the building, missed it again, and walked to some random restroom nearby and sat in the restroom for like 5 minutes because I didn't want people to recognize me as the dude who keeps doing laps around the f_*_in Chem lab building.
There are a multitude but the one that comes to mind now.
I'm a speech therapist in a school and I? went to talk to one of the teachers about a student. I? just so happened to find this teacher incredibly attractive at the time and tried to avoid him in the building sometimes to not embarrass myself blushing or stumbling over my words.
Anyway, I? go ask him about the student for a minute or 2. Turn around to leave the room. Miss the door by about a foot and walked straight into the wall.
Way of the Sub
I recently moved to a new city, and there's a Subway across the street from my complex. I decided to go there for dinner and wanted to get a footlong for that night and another one for tomorrow. Except I'm a big guy, they wouldn't believe I wouldn't eat them both in one sitting. So being the idiot I am I ordered one for me and had my phone out pretending to get an order from my "brother." Pretty sure they knew, pretty sure they judged, jokes on me though, I ate them both in one sitting anyways.
Oh, this is classic. I thought I was the only one who would order two drinks when getting takeout so they didn't think (well, KNOW) that all that food was for me. That, or say, "I'll have the orange chicken, and then he wants walnut shrimp." I went to Overeaters Anonymous once, and just hearing that others did the extra-drink trick was enough to make me weep with relief!
High Pressure Nails
I was at the mall, not intending to spend much money at all. I was by myself and I tried to avoid all of those annoying mall salesmen that desperately try to bring you over to their booths.... Well, I looked at one of them and.... Ended up spending over 100 dollars on a nail-kit because I was too anxious to say no.
My friends think I'm an idiot. Honestly, I couldn't agree more.
Bow Before the Princess
When I was 8 or 9 I was at my cousins birthday party. At the end of the party every kid got a huge goodie bag filled with candy and toys to take home. So she sat on makeshift throne in the middle of the room, and every kid had to go up one by one and get a goodie bag from the princess. I noped the fuck out and snuck back to my dad's car.
On the ride home I was really regretting my decision tho, and hating myself for being so god damn awkward. So I started crying. That's when dad said he grabbed me a goodie bag before he left. He knew me so well.
The other day at my small office I went to the bathroom to fix my shirt which I had worn inside out. When I went into the stall the bathroom was empty. As I flipped my shirt around someone walked into the stall next to me. I also used some toilet paper to wipe my nose (slight cold) and dropped the paper in the bowl. This triggered the auto flush sensor and it flushed. My predicament began when I realized I also had to pee, but since I had already used TP and flushed my twisted mind decided this would seem really weird to the person next door. "Why would someone use the bathroom, flush... and then stand up and pee again?" said no one ever... But I couldn't, they might recognize my shoes and know who I was.
So instead I hatched a clever deception. I left the stall and washed my hands to seem normal, despite that I hadn't even used this bathroom. After drying I walked loudly to the exit and opened the door into the hall, then I said "oh excuse me" like I had accidentally bumped into someone else coming in, and walked right back in. I made sure to change the sound of my footsteps walking more quietly so that stall-man would think I was a different person and not some freak playing bathroom charades. Then I went to the urinal and peed and then washed my hands again, using the farthest sink so he couldn't spot my shoes.
Call and Response
I'm from Ireland (a Catholic enough country). I deliver pizzas and one night a women said "god be with you" as I was walking away and I stumbled over my words and said "peace be upon you" like the f*ing pizza Pope. Cringed pretty hard walking away as she just looked at me. Edit: toppings be upon you my children.
If someone ever comes to my door when I'm home alone, I'll army crawl around my house, avoiding all the windows until I get to the stairway and I can listen until they leave. I still do this as a 20 year old woman.
I crawl up the stairs to my bedroom, which has a view of the door so I can peep out the blinds until I know they are gone. It's only ever salesmen anyways. Edit: I'm 32.
Super Clean Hands
When entering a public restroom, if there already happens to be somebody in there, I'll wash my hands uselessly until they leave. If somebody else walks in before or just as they leave, I generally decide I don't really need to be there and live that stomach-busting hell until I can find another restroom to start the process all over again.
I'll normally go sit in a stall and wait for the other person to leave. There have been multiple times where I'm sitting there quietly, and the other person sits there quietly...and we just sit there waiting until one of us leaves.
I once stalked a guys social media accounts until I found the school his daughter went to so I could find a buzzbook/address book of that school that said his email address rather than taking 15 second to give him a call. On a number he gave me.
Just Keep Turning
One time I was leaving a party and I turned my car right instead of left. To avoid looking like an idiot and turning around I just went with it and ended up in traffic for about 2 hours.
Asked a worker in the mall for assistance the other day. she looked at me really weird and said she didn't worked there. i internally freaked out. i said "i know" and asked if she could still help, she agreed and turned around to walk in the direction i needed help (facing away from me) and i immediately power walked out of there.
Anything But Dancing
A school friend of mine had invited me to a party at his house. The only person I knew there was him and 2 other people from my school I was not at the best of terms with.
The party was taking place at the roof of his house and it had an open setup with a small room which contained a bed and a tv.
I was tasked with bringing a console for the party and setting it up in that room. When i went in, I realised that the TV can't be connected due to lack of an hdmi port. However, at that moment, I heard music and hooting.
The worst of my fears had come true. People were dancing in a circle and everyone was being pushed into it one by one.
So, naturally i stayed in that small room for the remainder of the party. (around 1.5 hours).