Self-Described Scumbags Reveal The Worst Things They've Ever Done
Get it together, scumbags!
We'd all be lying if we said we'd never taken even a little bit of joy in messing with someone. You may have to lie to the people who know you in person, but c'mon. This is the internet, we're all friends in our mutual horribleness here.
One Reddit user really wanted to bond with their fellow scumbags, so they asked:
Fellow scumbags of reddit, what's the worse thing you've ever done?
Some of the answers were legitimately awful, some were hilariously terrible, all of them were downright scuzzy ... just like we like it! Here are some of our favorite responses. They've been edited for clarity when needed. Enjoy!
Coffin
After a house party, multiple people slept over. My friend was on a queen sized bed by himself. I grabbed him and put him on the floor and then pushed him under the bed so I wouldn't step on him when I woke up. He was super drunk, so it was easy. He woke up in the morning, still drunk and screaming. For a couple of seconds he thought he was in a coffin.
- MePirate
Bacon Fire
College friend burned her whole apartment building to the ground. Not a joke.
About 10 minutes after the fact, while we are literally sitting there watching the whole building engulfed in flames, I tried to lighten the mood and turned to her and said "What the hell. Were you trying to cook or something?"
It was a grease fire. She was cooking bacon. She started crying and I felt terrible.
Cancer Joke
My brother's girlfriend of like a year came out to a family meal once and while playing catch with a football she broke a nail and just broke down sobbing about it. I was shocked and in my family we always use gallows humour to cheer ourselves up during the dark moments. She was very aware of this and joked right along with us.
I made a light-hearted comment about how it sucked but it was just a nail and it would grow back, at least it wasn't cancer or anything...
Nope, she had found just the day before that her cancer had returned. My brother had never told us she had cancer in the past or that she had just found out this awful news.
Assaulting The Ice Cream Man
When I was a kid, I put some dishwashing liquid and water in a squirt gun. When the ice cream man came, he asked what I wanted. I said I wanted a drumstick, so he reached into the freezer and waited for the money. I didn't have any so he asked why I did that. I said I do want it, I just don't have any money. He got pissed and I squirted him in the eyes with the soapy water. Why did I do it? I think I was mad that we never had money for stuff like that, and here he was parading it in my face every day. It's been about 50 years and I still feel bad about it.
- Singnomo
The Worst Kind Of Theif
I stole one piece from a thousand Jigsaw Puzzles at a naming ceremony (like a baptism sort of thing) I attended with my parents.
This Accidental Felony
One time when I was 17, my friend was having some big illicit party and I didn't want to deal with that, just wanted to hang with a few of my friends. So early on in the evening before it was to begin, I called in a fake noise complaint to get the police to drop by and maybe rattle him so my friend would call off the party.
Well little did I know that it had already begun, and the cops showed up and did a huge bust. Guess who was there drinking? My two younger brothers. One of them assaulted a female officer (pushed her so he could run away) and got charged with a felony.
I came clean, everyone was pissed (both at me and at my brothers, especially the one who ran from the cops), our family paid $3,500 to some attorney to get it busted down to a misdemeanor with a bit of community service, and I felt awful for months. I did use my summer earnings to pay my dad back half of the lawyer's fees though.
0/10 would not recommend trying to use the police as a tool to get what you want
This was 20 years ago, btw. Still makes me cringe to think about it.
- il1il2
Jacuzzi Poop
On holiday in a hotel I didn't know very well and had to look after my little brother. I needed to poop. Bad.
Couldn't find where a toilet was, so dragged him into an empty Jacuzzi and took a dump in it. We both screamed and ran out as it floated to the top and managed to convince him it was already there when we got in.
- BradenA8
Playing Warcraft While She Cried
Broke up with my college girlfriend over the phone a week after saying "I love you" to get her to do butt stuff. Also, I was playing Warcraft 3 on mute while she cried
Parsley
I was 17, picked up weed for a friend, smoked some of it. Then put some parsley in and said it was just shake. He was in the car with us and smoked a bowl, you could hear him smack his lips with the weird taste. I laughed, told him, and never reimbursed him for it. At that age you are the worst version of yourself.
Framing The "Dude In A Wheelchair"
To preface this, it's important to note that I ate a ton of Taco Bell right before bed the night before the funeral showing. Not sure of everything I had, but there was definitely a burrito supreme in there.
Anyway, let's back up a couple of days. I was looking forward to a weekend in Chicago for an annual trip for people in our major. Unfortunately, my on again/off again ex girlfriend's grandma passed away. Despite ex being a general bummer of an individual, I offered to pass up the trip and be by her side.
Cut to the post TB morning. I awoke and felt a small cavernous rumble of gas that shalt not pass. You know when it's going to be bad. The relative's house we stayed with her big family was not large, so I couldn't even find an unoccupied room nor a walk-in closet to fart in.
So it sits in my stomach and churns. We get dressed and get to the showing, and the fart seems to have calmed ... but it's still in there. Most of the family walks up to talk to each other and I begin to see an opportunity to release at least a portion of this tainted copy of Air Bud: Spikes Back that was "now showing" in my butt. It seemed perfect. Finally, some relief! So I remained seated as they dissipated and did the deed. I knew it would be silent. But I had no idea it would be that deadly.
It honestly smelled like a dog did it. Or some sort of dog/human hybrid. The family started to notice the smell, and then a ton of others nearby did as well. And they started looking for the source.
Now folks, I'm pretty laid back. I'm no actor by any means, but I think some kind of innate human instincts for preservation came into play to keep me from taking the blame for that anti-enchilada. I denied that I supplied, and was acquitted of the chunk charges. But what happened next made me a scum bag.
Seconds later, a dude in a wheelchair came through the crowd of us. One of her family members, was like "do you think it was him?" And I composed myself and was like, "yeah, I didn't notice the smell until he came in the room."
I'd say I felt bad for all of this. But I still laugh every time I remember hearing ex's concerned mother say "I wonder if he rolled his wheels through something."
Ta-da. I'm trash forever.
Ghosted Her When She Got Cancer
Fairly late to this but here we go. I started "dating" this chick during 11th grade who I knew in 9th grade but transferred to another school in 10th grade. I didn't let it be publicly known we were "together" since I was just trying have someone around to f^ck, and still be able to pursue other chicks. High school me was really sh!tty when it came to girls.
2 weeks down the road she's texting me at around 8pm telling me about how she had gone to the hospital and the lump she was worried about (talked about it earlier in the day) was confirmed to be breast cancer. As I was with her solely for the purpose of sex, I didn't want to be there for all the emotional support/boyfriend duties she'd obviously need.
So I never replied to her. Never even broke up with her, said goodbye, nothing.
Ungrateful On Christmas
One time during Christmas my cousin's grandparents (not related to me by blood) got me and my sister Christmas presents.
I opened my present and it was a polly pocket doll. Me being the dumb 10 year old or something I was, said "here, you can have it, I don't want it." and just gave it to my younger sister, who played with that stuff more then I did. The problem was that I did it right in front of grandma. She felt bad she didn't give me a good present and gave me 20 dollars instead later on.
I still feel bad about it to this day.
- Dilisa
Competitive Thievery
i stole money from my parents constantly throughout my teenage years - and any other family member (or anyone) who visited and left their handbag or wallet lying around. It was a common thing to do amongst my friends and I. We were almost competitive about it.
So, once while visiting my grandma who ran a bed and breakfast place (off the books as far as the taxman was concerned, that'll be important in a minute) i was searching through a desk in their living room and found a purse that contained at least 1000 pounds in neat rolls. It was obviously their business cash. Like I said, off the books.
I stole 120 pounds from it - a huge amount for a 13 year old to have in 1983, and massive bragging rights when I got home and told my fellow thieves about it...... they definitely noticed, and i am 100% certain they knew it was me.
Sorry Lucy
sort of granola bar or raisins. Just before break I snuck over to the bag racks and rummaged in someone else's school bag. I found a packet of Cadbury animal biscuits and stole them. When break time finally arrived the girl who was now biscuit-less spent the whole time crying.
I'm 23 now and I still feel guilty.
Sorry Lucy.
Caused A Car Accident In A Snowstorm
We used to snowball cars, egg cars, you name it and we would probably throw it at cars while they were driving through our neighborhood.
One night we were doing just that, and my neighborhood growing up was set up in a way that worked to our advantage pretty well- it was a peninsula with one way in and out, and a long road we could see all the way down coming into it. We got into so much trouble that we eventually learned to identify headlights of cars coming in and knew whenever a cop was coming.
So we basically set up this weird snowball trap for cars where they would turn a blind turn and see a hose tied across the road between two parallel signs, stop and get out to move it, and we would blast them and run down this little getaway path we had.
Eventually someone came through and didn't see it in time, ran the hose over, and got it all wrapped up in their wheelwell and caused them to skid to a pretty abrupt stop in a snowstorm around a blind turn. A cop car was immediately following them and slammed into the back of them. We all ran back to my house and no one got caught, and next thing you know we're all in my house looking out the window at the towns entire police force driving around outside.
The neighbors all knew who it was and tried to tell my parents what we did. Luckily they couldn't ever prove it was us!
This Monster
I regularly drink straight from the orange juice and milk cartons in a household of 4.
Pretending To Be Blind
I wear John Lennon style circle sunglasses, one night my friends and I went out to the bar and they thought it would be funny if I were to pretend to be blind. So for the rest of the night, I held onto a friends shoulder and he guided me around the bar, introducing me to girls as a blind man named Jamie.
It took a little theatrics and not flinching when girls would throw their hand at their face to convince them that I actually was blind.
I ended up hooking up with 3 girls that night at the bar and even took a girl home. They all thought I was actually blind. I saw a picture of one of the girls on someone's snapchat story crying because she had hooked up with a blind guy.
Many people still refer to me as the blind guy when I go out to the bar in my shades; I still go along with it.
Bad Tipper
I once tipped like 3 cents at a restaurant just so it was even. I thought it was funny at the time, but i feel bad about it.
- The2kman
"Guess That's College And Dating For Ya"
Freshman year of college a few years back, I met this guy who I really fell for. He was in a frat, which I usually steer clear from, but we had a lot in common so I gave it a shot. He took me out for coffee, played one of my favorite more obscure albums on his record player, and it was cool, until I didn't want to mess around. He got kind of annoyed but still said I should come to his frat party the next night. I assumed everything was still cool - he dropped me off at my dorm, walked me up to the door, kissed me goodnight, etc.
Anyways, I went to the party the next night, and instantly found him sloppily making out with this chick in the middle of the room while everyone watched. I was pretty hurt, so I left, called the local PD non-emergency line, pretended to be a disgruntled neighbor, and watched from a couple houses down as the cops shut down the party. Super, super petty but man, I was hurt. Guess that's college and dating for ya tho
H/T: Reddit
Until we're in a situation, we'll never really know how we'll react.
I have been in this scenario, though.
Sex matters. And people rarely want to admit how much.
But sex isn't a lifetime guarantee.
It fades, as does love.
It's important to speak about it.
It can be a fixable situation.
A relationship without sex may not be the end of the world, but it's definitely a sign that something is off.
Redditor Deviant55 wanted to talk about physical intimacy in relationships, so they asked:
"How important is sex to you in a relationship? Could you be with someone you love even if sex was off the table indefinitely?"
I learned how much sex matters in my last relationship.
Once I wasn't interested, it kind of killed everything.
Forever
"When my wife of 30+ years became too ill for sex to be even remotely interesting for her, I certainly did not end the relationship. I loved her and I took care of her until she died. No other course even occurred to me."
fvillion
Frustration
"When I met my wife we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. This lasted a few years. I was in my mid-twenties when we married. She developed a chronic medical issue. I’ve gone twenty years being sexually frustrated. There are stages and phases to this."
"What I came to realize is that I love my wife. Yes, sex is important in our relationship. But I would rather have her in my life with no sex than have sex without her."
"The thing is, I love her. She can’t help her situation. I can’t help it. One deals with it. Marriage is more than sex. It is building a life and memories, raising a family, and loving each other regardless of the challenges life throws our way. But sex is very important. It helps keep the closeness and the emotional bond. But it isn’t the only thing that does that."
QuietusNoctis
I Love Her
"It is complicated. I am in a near-sexless marriage. The wife needs antidepressants to function. And it kills her libido. So usually it is four to six times a year. My libido rages. And yeah, it sucks. I dream of more sex."
"But I love the chick. She loves me to the moon and back. I’m not willing to sacrifice her love so I can try dating again. Divorce rates these days? And I found a woman who more than tolerates me, she loves me. I’ll stay. And not to be crude but yeah I masturbate. A lot. She doesn’t begrudge me that. Occasionally she even encourages it."
"She went off her meds for a while. And man did we do it. But she was a mess. I need her healthy more than I need a shag. We travel together. We enjoy each other’s company. We actually like each other. I could claim that it is hell, but I choose to see all of the good I am blessed with."
painthawg_goose
Heartless
"Quite important. But I think it depends on where you are in the relationship. I've been married for 10 years. I have kids. If my wife suddenly couldn't have sex with me for some reason -- illness or injury or something -- I'm not divorcing her over it. That's heartless."
"Now, if she just decided we weren't ever having sex again because she didn't feel like it, that'd be different. Or if I was just starting to date someone and they told me they'd never have sex, I probably just wouldn't keep pursuing the relationship. Plenty of people out there who will."
Arkhangelzk
Necessity
"It depends on the circumstances. I LOVE doing it with my man but I love his heart and soul more. If we had to stop having sex for medical reasons or something I’d definitely stay with him and stay faithful. If I was single, I think it’s unlikely I’d start a new relationship knowing it would be sex free."
Fit_Technology8240
Heart and soul is just as necessary and hot and sweaty.
At least a lot of people recognize that.
Percentages
"Sex life is 10% of a relationship when it’s good and 90% of a relationship when it’s bad."
jakovichontwitch
"The other way I've heard it put is that sex is like the bathroom in your house. It's not the only reason you bought the house, but if it's not working it's a big problem."
molten_dragon
Age Related
"50-year-old here married for 27 years. It’s not important. It was important when we were younger but honestly, if sex wasn’t possible I would still love my wife and really nothing about our day would really change."
Kantforall
"I’ve been reading these comments and wishing that everyone’s age was flared on their post because I sense that there are a lot of under-60-year-olds. I am older than my wife but she is starting menopause and I can see the writing on the wall. Not super thrilled but I love her completely and understand. The real intimacy is in how we still (and will always) want to sleep touching each other and waking up next to each other."
caffeinated-hijinx
Kiss Me
"I honestly considered this before. I absolutely adored this guy. It was like a child relationship; we'd kiss and cuddle and hold hands and things, but he wouldn't have sex with me, nor would he commit properly. Any time we came close to sex, he'd go soft or back off."
"I couldn't understand it, wondered if I could keep doing that. My sex drive was wild. Why kiss and the rest but not sex?"
"Then one day he told me he was in love with me and asked me out properly. I said yes there and then, had a wonderful day with him, but when I went home, I was left questioning if I could possibly live without sex. I decided that yeah, I loved him but it would be tough."
"We had sex the next day. So yes, I think I probably could."
Adventurous_Train_48
Touchy/affectionate...
"It's very important. I'm a very affectionate and physical person and touch/caresses and anything physical is one of my love languages. I couldn't function with someone who is the opposite of me or who's uncomfortable with how I am. I already was in a relationship with someone who wasn't that touchy/affectionate and it created frustration for both of us."
Borboleta77
Don't Look at Me
"I am in a sexless relationship. He has erectile dysfunction and I really don't like sex in general. I'm really uncomfortable naked or even vulnerable. I'm shy around him despite the relationship being 10 years nearly, I'm even shy around my family and friends. Everything about sex makes me feel so embarrassed, and I feel nothing but negative feelings when I used to be sexually active. Not through choice of partner, I just hate that sort of attention."
NucularOrchid
Definitive!
"10/10. Sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker!"
oeeiae
Sex is important but not everything.
Until it is everything if it becomes an issue.
Good luck couples. Open and honest communication is key.
An important contributor to our overall health and happiness is the quality of our friendships.
We may not have a lot of friends, but the more important factor is the depth of those relationships.
But we've all had one of those friends who turned out not to be a very good friend at all.
Redditor Both-Support-7110 asked:
"When did you realize your 'friends' were just a**holes?"
Putting Them Down
"After I realized that other people don't s**t on each other on every possible occasion in their circle."
"And that it isn't right when a 'friend' uses every known insecurity as an argument against you when you do not behave the way he/she would want you to."
- fobopi9445
"I luckily made a couple of friends that would just be supportive about stuff. So I slowly started talking to them more than my older friends as I saw the disparity between their responses."
"One side purely would be purely judgmental and try and bring me down, and the other would just be excited for me or be there to listen or whatever. Who wants to talk to the former when you have the latter?"
- Universeintheflesh
Using Them as a Convenience
"They only bothered with me when it suited them. I'd rather have nobody than have to deal with that."
- fobopi9445
Trying to Keep Them Small
"When they were nice at first but then cut me out of conversations, telling me not to 'butt in.' A friend doesn't dictate when you're allowed to speak."
- leatherwolf89
"Total a**hole move to have conversations in front of you only to tell you it doesn’t concern you and mean it. . . Like making plans and giving details about how someone like you could be included but specifically telling you not to invite yourself; making plans in front of someone and not inviting them is awful."
- dearlysacredherosoul
Using Them as Entertainment
"She got a boyfriend and would let him listen to our phone calls and not tell me, even if I was crying about personal stuff that I would only ever tell her."
"Then they both started lying to me about my crush liking me back, forcing both him and me into awkward positions (telling everyone we liked each other so they'd play along, swapping places constantly to make us sit next to each other, pressuring him into giving me a lap dance, making him kiss the prettiest girl in the room, etc), and encouraged me to shoot my shot more and more."
"All the while they knew he didn't like me, he had told them both directly. One night, I was crying on the phone because I was so confused why my advances weren't working, and they just kept explaining it away, blaming some other bulls**t reason and telling me to try again."
"The next day, they told me they were laughing throughout the whole call because I didn't get it and I was so upset. I should add I had no dating experience at all and nobody had ever liked me at this point."
- vixayib976
Using Them to Feel Superior
"I didn't have many friends in grade school, but the times the kids actually gave me the time of day, it was to make me 'it' when we'd play tag. That's what I was there for. To continuously be 'it' so they could run away and feel superior. Because they knew I would agree to it no matter what."
- lunayoshi
Having Questionable Morals
"I had a friend that was a very promiscuous girl, I had no issue with that, until I found out she was using me and my innocent personality then, to distract her mom and make her think she was like me."
"Then she used my house as a literal hotel once, with my family here and everything... I knew that was it."
- luffve
Making Fun of Them
"When I made new friends and realized that it's not normal for friends to constantly beat on me and make fun of me."
- vatonef494
Prioritizing Money Over Them
"When they stopped being my friends after I went through a rough financial patch."
- fobopi9445
Becoming Flaky
"I had a group that I was in from 2019-2021. They became a**holes over time, and it took me longer to see that. It was when I failed my psych 101 class (I'm not the best with online classes and tried the best I could) and when they heard about that, they laughed to my face, called me stupid and a failure."
"Early 2022, I met up with them again thinking it would just be a 'listen to this concert for someone we all know and go on our ways' thing."
"My one closer friend offered to drive me and I accepted, and then afterward she joined the group, made eye contact after the concert was done and said, 'bye,' and left with them to the doors. They doubled back and said, 'You can come with us to another town to a friend's place or I can get my mom to drive you home.'"
"I was so overwhelmed and embarrassed that I just went with them to the other town. I called my brother to come to pick me up after an hour, and when he was on his way out, everyone else left. Haven't been into contact with them again after that."
- shortedgyasain
Disappearing When It Counts
"They pretty much abandoned me in a time of pretty intense need. It solidified my decision to leave the area and go do something worthwhile."
- verisimilitu
No Reciprocation Allowed
"When he does s**t to me and acts like it’s no big deal, but then I do the same back, and he gets offended."
- vatonef494
Excluding Them From Plans
"I've got two examples here. One from childhood and one from adulthood. Pick your favorite."
"Childhood: Kid I knew when I was 8 or so. We used to hang out a lot of the time and often played together, doing the usual kid stuff. Then one day, he has to move away because of a change in his parent's financial situation and I was pretty bummed out about it."
"On the last day we were supposed to see each other, he hung out with someone else instead and when tried to join them, he physically shoved me away and told me I wasn't welcome. That one stung."
"Adulthood: When they keep telling me about plans they made and things they did together or wanted to do together, but never bother to invite or include me in any of it. There's one of them I get along with and he'll invite me to things as long as it's just with him, but when he's with the group, he excludes me."
"I remember one example in particular where they were discussing a new site to do some photography and they fell short a man. One of them looks at me like I'm the spare tire in his car and goes: 'I guess you can come with us this one time.', to which another replies: 'Nah, he doesn't want to go. He doesn't like photography.'"
"I told him I was perfectly capable of answering for myself and didn't need him to act as my answering machine, but it lost a lot of impact because he was right. I don't like photography and didn't want to go. I just didn't like being talked about that way."
"Good luck making that clear to them, though. All they heard was: 'If he was right anyway, then why are you b*tching about it?'"
"I no longer hang out with them. I eventually got sick of being treated like the spare guy they can use in case none of the 'main crew' was attending, so I dropped them."
- Kuliari
Terrible Priorities
"In 2006, my then-best friend wanted to go to a big German metal festival. I did not want to go because my Dad had end-stage cancer."
"Dad died on August 8th, a couple of days after my friend returned from the festival. I called him because I needed someone to talk to."
"He very bluntly stated that he had no interest in my Dad's passing but wanted to tell me how great the festival was."
"You can't imagine how disappointed I was. For years, I'd been there for him whenever he got dumped, and the one time I needed a friend, he wasn't there for me. I told him to shut my door from the outside and lose my number."
- fobopi9445
Undesirable Behaviors
"I was 15, we were hanging out in the alleyway behind my friend’s house as we did almost every day after school."
"One girl was there from the year above us and they started prank calling the child protective services emergency line, pretending to be a child in distress, and they all laughed."
"After a few rounds of this, I felt queasy and left. Never hung out with them again. I still feel bad for not saying something or putting a stop to it, but the girl was older and 'cool.'"
- Brasscogs
Taking Advantage of Them
"I've been posting on him recently, he was my former neighbor and friend. We didn't immediately hit it off but after a while, we became good friends."
"I tried helping him out (he's an unemployed single dad of two special needs kids). He eventually saw my kindness as something to take advantage of, so late last fall, he either broke into my house (or enabled someone else to do it for him) and stole money from me."
"When I confronted him about this, he physically attacked me."
"I can't say it doesn't hurt."
- llcucf80
Friendships are incredibly important, but we're unfortunately not meant to be friends with everyone. Some people simply do not turn out to be the friends we thought they were.
We may know that this happens, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
No one wants to be alone.
But that doesn't mean we should settle when it comes to choosing a romantic partner.
When people rush into things without letting love flourish, it could lead to problems down the line that can inevitably lead to difficult breakups.
Those who've learned this the hard way shared their experiences with love when Redditorlastknownstar asked:
"What common mistakes do people make when choosing a life partner?"
Communication is key.
Discussing Life Issues
"Not discussing big life issues: your preference for having kids, parenting styles, deep religious beliefs, career aspirations, significant traumas…anything that may affect how you make decisions together later on."
– AwkwardFortuneCookie
Outdated Notions
"My parents were like this. Dad grew up in a standard midcentury 'men run the house, women stay in the kitchen' family, but Mom came from a long line of domineering southern matriarchs who had their husbands whipped. Dad was naturally a good cook and Mom hated cooking, but once they got married, Dad insisted she make all the food because that's what wives are supposed to do. No warning, total 180 on their relationship up to that point."
"He's learned his lesson and now happily cooks for my stepmom, but man... That's not something you can just spring on your new spouse overnight!"
– shebbsquids
What About Kids
"Having kids is a really big question that absolutely needs to be communicated. I've also heard that it's a topic that would make the man a big red flag if asked early into the 'relationship' as in first date and/or texts are off limits."
"Wouldnt it be a lot nicer to 'speed date' these big topics early on?"
– Leaping_Turtle
These Redditors realized ignorance of financial responsibility in a relationship came at a cost.
Finances
"Finance is the number 1 leading cause of divorce."
"Edit: this popped up in my YouTube recommendation (Is your relationship struggling because of finance? - Dave Ramsey https://youtu.be/XuU7oabGqjk). Google is not monitoring us or anything"
– strangemanornot
Spending Habits
"This is such a big issue in relationships. Knowing each other's spending habits is equally important. My ex would be extremely judgmental when it came to my 'fun money', but when he bought a new TV or a new gaming console, he was not to be questioned on it."
– RewardNo3000
You can't change people.
Fixing Their Flaws
"Thinking, 'I know this person has flaws, but when we're married I can help fix them.'"
– DoctorExtra9060
"Ok marriage isn’t working but if we have kids things will change because it will bring us closer."
– Mrepman81
Parasitic Love
"I personally had this issue dating someone who was as sweet as could be, but not the brightest bulb in the socket, and they relied on me for knowledge on everything from health to history to housework. All perfectly googleable or troubleshootable questions, but always defaulted to giving up and asking mommy the girlfriend for help. Admittedly it was kind of an ego boost to have someone always telling me how smart I was and deferring to my judgement on everything, but that's not what a healthy romantic relationship should be like."
"I thought I could nudge them gently into being slightly more self sufficient, but it only got worse as they grew accustomed to relying on me for every little thing. And of course the flip side was I felt like I could never rely on them when I needed help... I knew I was SOL if I couldn't do everything myself, because I was dragging around a parasite instead of a partner."
"Next time I want to spend years working on a fixer-upper, I'm just going to buy a crumbling Victorian house. It'll cause me less stress in the long run."
– shebbsquids
Taking An Emotional Toll
"I was in a similar boat with an ex, wasn't so much her fault as she had a learning disability and epilepsy."
"Every other weekend we also looked after her kids from past relationships, one of which had autism, and due to my ex's condition she wasn't allowed to be on her own with the kids meaning I had to be there as the capable, responsible adult."
"We were together for just shy of 4 years."
"After she broke things off it took a good few months for me to get used to the fact that I could actually let my guard down, switch my brain off and relax. Without needing to constantly worry that someone would need my help or that I needed to ensure her safety."
"She didn't quite realise the toll it was having on me or the amount of responsibility was on my shoulders. She would constantly suggest things like holidays abroad with just us two and the kids, and all I could think was that it would be far from a relaxing holiday for me as I'd have her and two kids to look after and be responsible for the entire time."
– ShadowSurgeGaming
Managing expectations is key.
Never Settle
"Choosing someone they think they should be with instead of someone they're actually compatible with."
"I feel a lot of people have a picture in their head of who they think they'll end up with and chase that ideal, instead of acknowledging their own personality and aiming for someone compatible with that. Easier said than done, but yeah."
– Viminia7 ·
Importance Of Value
"I talk with my partner about this all the time. We think its important to have shared values not shared interests."
"Yes it’s important to share things you both like to do, but just because your partner likes One Punch Man, like you do, doesn’t mean they are on the same page as you with resolving conflicts."
– scsm
Elvis Presley reminded us that only fools rush in, despite his intense romantic feelings towards his object of affection.
But the wise men he was referring to were on to something.
It's best to ease into things and let love grow, and not force relationships without really getting to know the person with whom you plan to devote yourself to.
If it's meant to be, it'll be worth taking things slow by getting to know a prospective significant other's dreams, what makes them, and their values to see if there is enough chemistry to develop meaningful relationships.
Among the many reasons people watch, and rewatch, sitcoms is to imagine your life was more like the one you were watching.
Being able to afford a two-bedroom apartment in Greenwich Village on a line cook's salary, somehow always having the comfortable sofa available at your favorite coffee shop whenever you pop in, or having your best friends always available at your beck and call whenever you need them.
For the romantics, however, it's wishing you could have a romance like you've seen on television.
True not all sitcom romances are exactly the sort that makes you go all aflutter (Were Ross and Rachel actually on a break? And don't even get me started about Ted and Robin.)
Other sitcom couples are so captivating, though, that we would have given anything to be at their wedding... or at the very least go to their home for dinner every Friday.
And this includes plutonic couples, as there is nothing more heartwarming than a lasting friendship.
"What is the best couple in sitcom history?"
Creating An Even More Welcoming Community
"Troy and Abed. A couple of friends."- aghzombies
"They did grace the cover of Best Friends Weekly."- DwightsEgo
Sorry Amy...
"Peralta and Doug Judy."- DavosLostFingers
"Reunited and it feels so good 🎶."- Ghostenx
"PSYCH"!... No, Seriously...
"Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster."- dazedcap
"'I'm Black, he's Tan'."- CrueGuyRob
"Snap, Snap."
"The correct answer is Gomez and Morticia Addams."- Reddit
"They loved each other dearly. "
"They were completely enamored with each other, spent time with their kids, their family."
"Accepted everyone as they were."
"It wasn't til I was an adult That I realized married couples weren't meant to hate each other."
"My mother had many partners in my childhood, she's toxic and things were always chaotic."
"And watching 90s sitcoms, I thought married people were meant to hate each other, and I always wondered what the point was."- MissMurder8666
Overshadowed By Their Middle Child...
"Hal and Lois."- MrRocketman999
"As a husband, I don't think I can live up to Hal."
"He sort of sets a really high standard lol."
"He loves her like they are still in the honeymoon phase."
"So infatuated with her lol."- treathugger
A Better Couple? Many Would Say, "Knope"...
"Ben and Leslie."
"I' love you and I like you.'"
"Simple line, yet so powerful."- Radkeyoo
"Gruesome", But Adorable
"Frank and Charlie from Always Sunny in Philadelphia."
"The gruesome twosome."- Herr_Poopypants
The Parents Everyone Wished Were Theirs...
"Bob and Linda from 'Bobs burgers'."- shashybaws
"All of the Belchers have such great relationships with each other. "
"They're wholly accepting and supportive (even if they disagree)."
"They really love each other, and it shows."- SummerOfMayhem
UK Version Only, Of Course...
"Moss and Roy (The IT Crowd)."- pentapotamia
"'I'm your wife, Roy!'"- Summerof5ft6andahalf
"'If anything, I’m the husband!'"- pentapotamia
Afterlife Be Damned... Or not, Actually...
"Eleanor and Chidi from 'The Good Place.'"
"How can you beat two deeply flawed people who together make each other better over and over again?"- hotbimess
Ruining All Food For Viewers, One Food Group At A Time...
"The only correct answer is - Scully and Hitchcock."- Prestigious-Net-2236
"Back off! It's our microwave! Ours! GRRRRRRR!"- Lvcivs2311
Nostalgic And Wonderful
"Kitty and Red from That 70s/90s Show."- saginator5000
"I like how Red on the surface seems like a mean parent who doesn’t let his kids have fun."
"But he’s watching out for his kids."
"And he’s a good man."
"He has a hard and stressful time supporting his family and he is grumpy sometimes but he would do anything for his family and he really loves them."
"What he does for Hyde is amazing."
"He just doesn’t put up with BS."- themanfromvulcan
It Seems Everyone Is Better With Turk At Their Side
"Turk and Carla."
"Or Turk and JD. (Scrubs)."- JCBAwesomist
"Turk and JD all the way."- nunyabidnez76
Can't We Get Back What We Once Had?...
"Homer and Marge had a lot of beautiful moments back in the older seasons."
"Sadly, seasonal rot has ruined a lot of that."
"I miss a lot of how the characters used to be."
"Like, Homer was an oaf and a brute, but he loved his family immensely and deeply and would (and DID) do any and everything for them."
"He'd catch details like in that episode about the streetcar play that you wouldn't think he would."
"He gave up beer for a month for Marge and we got to see that, for him, it wasn't just a minor thing."
'Lisa might have been intelligent but she not only had ample 'dumb/shallow' moments, she also was very close to Bart and, likewise, Bart was close to her."
"He might struggle in school but he also showed he wasn't dumb either."- Snowtwo
Be they married in the first episode or on and off again for an insufferable amount of time (looking at you, Jeanine and Gregory in Abbott Elementry!), sitcom couples give us people to root for and fill our own hearts with hope.
So much so that we don't mind following the arc of their love stories over and over again.
And yes, the episode where David meets Patrick's parents remains a tearjerker, no matter how many times you watch it.