If the stereotypes about Americans irk you, this article is likely to make your eye do that thing where the bottom lid gets all twitchy... don't say we didn't warn you.
Reddit user Knight_William asked:
"What is the most "american" thing you've seen?"
Listen y'all...
We really aren't doing ourselves any favors out here in the world, my fellow Americans.
I'm going to skip over the more terrifying answers (not to overlook them, but because that deserves its own article or two ... or ten) and focus on some of our more benign bro-behaviors.
You're still probably going to have a headache or serious case of second-hand embarrassment by the end. :
Nothing More American Than Money
Make It Rain Money GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants
Giphy
"Hispanic guy in a domestic pickup truck selling all sorts of flags:"
"USA flag, MAGA flags, confederate flags"
"Gay pride flags, BLM flags"
"POW/MIA flags."
"Takes cash, card, apps and crypto."
"There's nothing more American than making money. He's living that American dream, in my opinion."
- status_two
"He plays on both side 💪🏻 respecting the hustle 😂 "
- SwanGrouchy6005
Everything On Wheels
trailer park GIF
Giphy
"I live in a prefab home, ie a trailer, on a dead end road. In my driveway there's an El Camino and an old Mustang. I feel like we're 'Murica-ing pretty hard around here."
- Sudzkng
"Ah yes, house is on wheels and the cars are on blocks."
- charlie2135
"I'll have you know everything is on wheels, thank you very much. And the transmission in the mustang is only slightly broken."
- Sudzking
Multi-Tasking
"I always called this guy 'the ultimate sports fan' - I met him at Monday Night Football at the dome in Minneapolis."
"Go to hit the head, but they're all full so we're in line waiting. Taking a leak is this guy:"
- "Peeing no-handed"
- "Talking on cell phone pressed ear to shoulder"
- "Smoking a cigarette (still allowed then)"
- "Using his hands to do a scratch off lottery ticket"
"Amazing."
- willmaxr
It's The Same
Confused Kevin James GIF by TV Land
Giphy
"I grew up in a very popular Canadian tourist town."
"The number of Americans who are confused by our money is ridiculous. Only Americans could be confused by a currency that uses the same names and denominations as their own."
"I know most of you are cool, but damn your Karens are on another level."
- dinkfloyd
"I bet $5 U.S. that our Karen can take your Chantal"
- gemstun
Boom Go The Cannons
new orleans love GIF by NBA
Giphy
"I just left an NBA game and there is no more pure American joy than when they bring out the plastic cannon to shoot the t-shirts 3 sizes too large."
"I mean, we want our teams to win and all but for one brief second we all have a chance at greatness. A chance at a new world with a new shirt."
"And when that monkey mascot pumped his fist and shook his head as the cannon pivoted in my direction I knew. I knew I had a chance to realize the American dream: That balled up t-shirt."
"As the shirt arched towards me some lil sh*t kid with weak ambitions and even weaker grip got thrown out of my way. In that moment everything I've strived for was realized."
"Some say the American dream is a big house or a fancy car. You'll get all sorts of different answers if you ask...but if you go and see... stand as witness to the glory... you'll see the epitome of American happiness is catching a balled up T-Shirt shot from a t-shirt cannon at a major league sporting event right here in the US of A ."
"Proud to be an American!"
- chucklesbtoken2
Hurricane Control
Angry Forrest Gump GIF
Giphy
"People gathered to shoot at hurricane Irma."
- Aderlaker
"Please tell me you're joking…. Shoot the hurricane, with bullets? I'm ashamed to be the same species as those people."
- Jayhawks190
"I'm not joking it was on the news. Florida, of course. They ended up actually shooting their guns at it."
- Aderlaker
This Trifecta of Terrible
Comedy Central Mm GIF by Workaholics
Giphy
"I didn't see it myself, but my boss and his best friend (who works for him) told the following story where I work:"
"They were at a charity golf event during which a girl in a bikini had an AR-15 with a special attachment on it that enabled it to fire golf balls."
"Instead of teeing off, she would shoot your ball toward the green, and then you had to play from wherever it landed. The girl couldn't shoot, they said, but no one cared because everyone was drunk and her bikini barely existed."
"Alternate alternate: my own hospital bill for $46,892."
- 14338
Bacon
Food Nom GIF by The Last Man On Earth
Giphy
"While on vacation at an All Inclusive resort: saw a woman at the breakfast buffet. She made a bacon and egg croissant-wich. No problems with any of that..."
"But the sandwich had to be 8" tall with all the bacon and egg and cheese she stuffed in it. She took SO MUCH."
"To eat, she opened her mouth so wide her jaw must have unhinged. She then proceeded to start stuffing the sandwich in her mouth by jamming it in with her fingers… literally poking more and more in her mouth like she was trying to swallow it whole."
"Our entire table just stopped eating and stared in disbelief."
"Her husband had at least 32 pieces of bacon on his plate and was complaining that the buffet had ran out of bacon. Of course they did, the couple took enough for several FAMILIES, much less two individuals."
"They were from Texas."
- Pinkiepie1111
High Caliber Fun!
Mickey Mouse Disney GIF
Giphy
"Was in Disneyland Florida in the Epcot Centre and this handlebar-moustached American was loudly professing about the merits of a 50 caliber round."
"As a British person, it just seemed stereotypically American that someone would be discussing guns at a theme park."
- TheSortOfOkGatsby
See, I live in FLORIDA so none of this surprises me and most of the responses didn't even seem that abnormal. What does that say about my life? Me?
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
And while a candidate is fit to lead remains to be seen, we rely on our instinct to choose someone with whom we can relate.
But sometimes, our options are limited and we inevitably go with someone who is the lesser of two evils.
Curious to hear from strangers online about a hypothetical, Redditor Cashmeresquid2309 asked:
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for an openly Atheist presidential candidate? Why or why not?"
Redditors were quick to point out the answer was a no-brainer.
We Already Know The Answer
"Asking Reddit if they'd vote for an atheist..."
"I feel like the answer would be obvious."
– sarahmagoo
Sci-Fi Analogy
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for a Star Wars fan who heckin loves doggos?"
– WitnessChemical
For The Atheists In The Crowd
"Atheists of atheistville, would you vote for an open atheist?"
– nixcamic
Others weighed in with a range of opinions.
About 45
"What's funny is how many of them would probably say no, even though they voted for Trump and would do so again. Say whatever else you want about him, but I seriously can't understand how anyone could genuinely believe Trump is a Christian. He's so obviously faking it and is undoubtedly the most atheistic president we've ever had or are likely to have for a long time."
"This is a guy who's never even so much as read the Bible or attended church, who told a conservative radio host his favorite Bible verse was 'an eye for an eye', who told evangelical interviewers that he's never asked God for forgiveness because he's never done anything wrong, and who routinely commits all 7 deadly sins (pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth) without remorse."
– empfindsamkeit
From A Different Perspective
"Not an american but interestingly according to this survey on 1006 people from 2007, being atheist was the worst thing you could be as a candidate (of the things asked) with only 45 % of people saying they'd vote for one."
– ilovecatfish
An atheist candidate isn't necessarily a big strike.
Double Negative
"I wouldn’t not vote for someone just because they were atheist."
– HabitualEnthusiast
Credibility First
"This is it. If they’re running on platforms I support with a history to back up those campaign promises, I don’t care if they belong to the church of the flying spaghetti monster. They could literally be a member of the satanic temple and I, an actual practicing Christian, would give less shi*s than a constipated sloth."
"Edit: yes, I realize the Satanic Temple does not actually worship satan. I used it for that purpose. The Church of Satan has some…problematic views and I probably would not vote for someone who literally holds a platform of eugenics."
– Phoenix_of_Asclepius
Some view the role of religion in politics as important.
It Depends
"Religion can be relevant: I would have strong reservations about voting for a Scientologist, even if I agreed with the policies they proposed. I would have strong reservations voting for a member of an apocalyptic cult or, possibly worse, a follower of the (highly heretical) 'prosperity gospel,' which unfortunately includes more and more so-called 'evangelicals' — I didn't vote for George W. Bush, but it's not because he was an evangelical."
"It depends on the role: I'd probably be more flexible with a legislator than an executive (mayor, governor, president), as their character is IMO more important than for a legislator and their policy stances somewhat less important relative to a legislator."
"Satanic temple — well, that's just an organized group of atheists and humanists with an intentionally inflammatory choice of name. They're generally fine people."
– alyssasaccount
A Bad Rap
"The Satanic Temple is an excellent organization that every decent person should be able to respect. A Church of Satan member, not so much."
"There's a huge difference between them!"
– StarsEatArtBooks
And Redditor boganvegan said it best.
"Better an open atheist than a fake Christian."
It all boils down to trustworthiness. Without full transparency, how could anyone put their faith in a candidate who spews nothing but lies?
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
I'm always freaked out when I'm home alone. Lights on. Yeah, my electric bill is high.
Dorothy?
Wind Conan Obrien GIF by Team CocoGiphy"I dreamed the front door blew open at the exact time the house alarm went off... I hopped up and sure enough, the front door was open. No intruder."
fatowl
I See You
"Not home alone but only one in right side of the house. Went to my mom's bathroom to wash my hands and saw a pair of feet behind the half open door. Laughed and said 'very funny Ma, I see you.' then finished up and left. Bumped into my mother in the kitchen unpacking, nobody else was in the house. I'm glad whatever was behind the door didn't peek out."
SatanWithFur
“It’s Doug!”
"One night I had forgotten to lock my apartment door and woke up in the middle of the night. My bedroom door was about 2 feet from my front door, as you walked into the apartment. First a big dog ran by, then a person. Holy crap I was so scared and I screeched 'Who is it?!?!!'"
"A man said 'It’s Doug!' As I was thinking to myself, who the f**k is Doug, he said 'oh, crap.' He turned around to go back out the front door saying 'Sorry.' I asked 'Didn’t you have a dog with you?' He said 'Oh, yeah. Hey, c’mon!.' He left, his dog ran out after him and I locked my front door."
"Edit: glad you all thought this was funny, because I did too, once my heart quit trying to beat right out of my chest! The next day the girls at work thought I was crazy for not being upset, but eh, done is done. Peace!"
scarletohairy
Confused...
"My sister and I were home alone and we heard someone big running up the stairs. The stairs make lots of noise with slight pressure so when there’s someone big on them you can tell. I went out of my room to check but saw no one anywhere and my sister also came out of her room and she asked if that was me I said no and we both looked around to see if there was anyone but found no one in the whole house. We were confused and called our parents and just waited until they got back and that was that."
JtSudbury04
I See You
Staring I See You GIF by QuikTripGiphy"I very clearly saw a guy walk into my room. But when I went after him there was nobody there. I checked in the closet, under my bed, everywhere one could hide in my room."
HighlyOffensive10
This is why home video surveillance is key.
"NO"
Season 5 No GIF by The OfficeGiphy"My parents were on a road trip, just left, and I sat down at my desk. I thought 'Weekend alone by myself' and a voice yelled into my right ear 'NO' so loud it hurt."
Th4ab
Wild
"I managed to lock myself out of my house on my birthday during a tornado while trying to bring my cats to the basement for safety. I later found out that the tornado was approximately a couple miles or less from me at that exact time. The sky was green and it got weirdly calm and then I could hear what sounded like a train coming before I found an unlocked window to climb through. Wild times."
SilverGnarwhal
Saturday morning in the 80s...
"I wasn't home alone but I was awake by myself one Saturday morning in the 80s when I was around 7 or so. I believe my mom was the only one home because my dad went to the lake to go fishing that weekend, and I'm not sure where my older brothers were, maybe they went with him, idk."
"Anyways, my mom's sleeping in, and I'm in the living room by myself, watching Saturday morning cartoons and making a fort out of sheets and cushions. Something made me turn around and I saw my dad in his pajamas standing in the hallway entrance with his hands on his hips, looking the mess I was making and shaking his head."
"He then turned around and walked into my room, which was just off the hallway entrance. Dude. I didn't even look, I just booked it to my parents room and woke my mom up. I don't remember what happened after that, this was around 35 years ago. And yes, my dad was fine, nothing had happened to him."
smriversong
Get the Bat...
"I was at home by myself on a call with some friends when all of a sudden my dog begins to bark like crazy, which was odd since it was the middle of the night and he's usually sleep. I go downstairs to check on him and find him barking at our hall closet, terrified I grabbed my bat that I keep in my room just in case and open the door. There was nothing out of usual at first at then I look down and notice a familiar looking object at the bottom of the closet."
"It was my mom's necklace she had lost when I was 9, (i'm 15 now just to put in perspective how long it's been). I showed it to my mom at breakfast and she was just as shocked as I was. I still have no clue how it got there or how my dog knew it was in there, definitely one of the oddest occurrences of my life."
SomeRandomIdiot14
Meow
Happy Cat GIF by ChubbiverseGiphy"Many years ago, I was 14 or so, my first night alone in the house when my parents were out. Lying on the living room floor reading, my cat sleeping next to me."
"Suddenly, cat wakes up, stares intently into the dark corner of the room behind me, hair on end, growls and then bolts out of the room and upstairs. I look behind me and see nothing, but follow cat upstairs and hide under the covers. Freaked me out."
LairdofWingHaven
Thank God for alarms. I hate being home alone.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
The body freaks me out. But it's all I've got. So teach me some things.
Minutes...
death GIFGiphy"The fastest killing virus takes around 4 days to kill you. That would be Ebola. Your immune system can kill you in 15 minutes."
will477
'locked-in'
"If your brainstem (the part of the brain that mediates most motor control for all of the body) is damaged, you can get 'locked-in' syndrome. That means you're fully conscious and aware of your surroundings but unable to move or speak. The only muscles that remain unaffected in most people are the muscles that move they eyes and the eyelids."
"You're essentially trapped within your own body with your only way of communication being blinking or moving your eyes It can be caused by toxins, blockage of the basilar artery which is the main artery of the brainstem, or other brainstem damage."
4oodler
Explosions
"Some people suffer from Exploding Head Syndrome, which causes them to hear a loud bang when they wake up."
ToraMix19
"When I was younger I believe I experienced this a few times. Sounds I heard were: about a million people talking and laughing all at once, a train that irl would've been about a foot away from me based on the volume of the sound, and a door slamming loudly."
aliaisacreature
Pain
"Not sure if this is by design, but I totaled my car once, almost completely uninjured somehow. Then I looked down to my right hand which I remember jabbing into my dashboard at 55mph. Luckily (unluckily?) only my pinky took the blow. But instead of a floppy-udder full of bone-sand, my pinky was 0.5 inches long."
"Broke no bones, but instead perfectly stacked my phalanges, or finger bones, INTO my hand. This is fixed by a muscular Russian murse grabbing your pinky with both hands and pulling very hard. God I wish they gave me more lidocaine."
TelevisionOlympics
Functions
animation art GIFGiphy"If you have a surgery where they need to move your organs around they might not function for a day as the body assumes that they are dead."
tonythebutcher13
Move things around? You mean that's not fake when it happens on "Grey's Anatomy?"
Basketball Wives Ugh GIF by VH1"The only reason you are not aware of it is because the ambient noise kind of drowns it out because your ears focus on it. If you go to one of those super-silent rooms that absorb all sorts of sounds, it is a really weird way to reacquaint yourself with your body."
Black_Handkerchief
The Mouth
"Idk about the most disturbing but how bad human teeth are. We’d think it’s our sugary and processed diets these days that cause it, but even Otzi the iceman discovered in Italy was found to have terrible teeth, mouth diseases and cavities. It’s odd that even with the most basic of diets our teeth are so bad."
Dorianisconfused
In the bowels...
"I noticed this after my abdominal surgery. When I turned over in bed my guts seemed to fall from one side to the other. Mentioned to my doc and she confirmed it was my bowels rearranging themselves."
squatter_
"Apparently the doctor just throws your intestines back in there higgeldy-piggeldy because there isn't a correct way to pack them neatly."
LostDesigner9
A Quick Burst
"There are a vast number of ways that your body can malfunction and kill you with little or no warning. An aneurysm can go undetected until it bursts and kills you. Getting hit in the chest just the right way can stop your heart. You can encounter an allergen that never previously provoked an immune response that freaks out your body so badly that you die. You literally just never know if your body will just... die."
Unsolicited_Spiders
The body is such a conundrum. Sexy and gross all at once.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
