Frank McKenna/Unsplash

If the stereotypes about Americans irk you, this article is likely to make your eye do that thing where the bottom lid gets all twitchy... don't say we didn't warn you.


Reddit user Knight_William asked:

"What is the most "american" thing you've seen?"

Listen y'all...

We really aren't doing ourselves any favors out here in the world, my fellow Americans.

I'm going to skip over the more terrifying answers (not to overlook them, but because that deserves its own article or two ... or ten) and focus on some of our more benign bro-behaviors.

You're still probably going to have a headache or serious case of second-hand embarrassment by the end. :

Nothing More American Than Money

Make It Rain Money GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants Giphy

"Hispanic guy in a domestic pickup truck selling all sorts of flags:"

"USA flag, MAGA flags, confederate flags"

"Gay pride flags, BLM flags"

"POW/MIA flags."

"Takes cash, card, apps and crypto."

"There's nothing more American than making money. He's living that American dream, in my opinion."

- status_two

"He plays on both side 💪🏻 respecting the hustle 😂 "

- SwanGrouchy6005

Everything On Wheels

trailer park GIF Giphy

"I live in a prefab home, ie a trailer, on a dead end road. In my driveway there's an El Camino and an old Mustang. I feel like we're 'Murica-ing pretty hard around here."

- Sudzkng

"Ah yes, house is on wheels and the cars are on blocks."

- charlie2135

"I'll have you know everything is on wheels, thank you very much. And the transmission in the mustang is only slightly broken."

- Sudzking

Multi-Tasking

"I always called this guy 'the ultimate sports fan' - I met him at Monday Night Football at the dome in Minneapolis."

"Go to hit the head, but they're all full so we're in line waiting. Taking a leak is this guy:"

  1. "Peeing no-handed"
  2. "Talking on cell phone pressed ear to shoulder"
  3. "Smoking a cigarette (still allowed then)"
  4. "Using his hands to do a scratch off lottery ticket"

"Amazing."

- willmaxr

It's The Same

Confused Kevin James GIF by TV Land Giphy

"I grew up in a very popular Canadian tourist town."

"The number of Americans who are confused by our money is ridiculous. Only Americans could be confused by a currency that uses the same names and denominations as their own."

"I know most of you are cool, but damn your Karens are on another level."

- dinkfloyd

"I bet $5 U.S. that our Karen can take your Chantal"

- gemstun

Boom Go The Cannons

new orleans love GIF by NBA Giphy

"I just left an NBA game and there is no more pure American joy than when they bring out the plastic cannon to shoot the t-shirts 3 sizes too large."

"I mean, we want our teams to win and all but for one brief second we all have a chance at greatness. A chance at a new world with a new shirt."

"And when that monkey mascot pumped his fist and shook his head as the cannon pivoted in my direction I knew. I knew I had a chance to realize the American dream: That balled up t-shirt."

"As the shirt arched towards me some lil sh*t kid with weak ambitions and even weaker grip got thrown out of my way. In that moment everything I've strived for was realized."

"Some say the American dream is a big house or a fancy car. You'll get all sorts of different answers if you ask...but if you go and see... stand as witness to the glory... you'll see the epitome of American happiness is catching a balled up T-Shirt shot from a t-shirt cannon at a major league sporting event right here in the US of A ."

"Proud to be an American!"

- chucklesbtoken2

Hurricane Control

Angry Forrest Gump GIF Giphy

"People gathered to shoot at hurricane Irma."

- Aderlaker

"Please tell me you're joking…. Shoot the hurricane, with bullets? I'm ashamed to be the same species as those people."

- Jayhawks190

"I'm not joking it was on the news. Florida, of course. They ended up actually shooting their guns at it."

- Aderlaker

This Trifecta of Terrible

Comedy Central Mm GIF by Workaholics Giphy

"I didn't see it myself, but my boss and his best friend (who works for him) told the following story where I work:"

"They were at a charity golf event during which a girl in a bikini had an AR-15 with a special attachment on it that enabled it to fire golf balls."

"Instead of teeing off, she would shoot your ball toward the green, and then you had to play from wherever it landed. The girl couldn't shoot, they said, but no one cared because everyone was drunk and her bikini barely existed."

"Alternate alternate: my own hospital bill for $46,892."

- 14338

Bacon

Food Nom GIF by The Last Man On Earth Giphy

"While on vacation at an All Inclusive resort: saw a woman at the breakfast buffet. She made a bacon and egg croissant-wich. No problems with any of that..."

"But the sandwich had to be 8" tall with all the bacon and egg and cheese she stuffed in it. She took SO MUCH."

"To eat, she opened her mouth so wide her jaw must have unhinged. She then proceeded to start stuffing the sandwich in her mouth by jamming it in with her fingers… literally poking more and more in her mouth like she was trying to swallow it whole."

"Our entire table just stopped eating and stared in disbelief."

"Her husband had at least 32 pieces of bacon on his plate and was complaining that the buffet had ran out of bacon. Of course they did, the couple took enough for several FAMILIES, much less two individuals."

"They were from Texas."

- Pinkiepie1111

High Caliber Fun!

Mickey Mouse Disney GIF Giphy

"Was in Disneyland Florida in the Epcot Centre and this handlebar-moustached American was loudly professing about the merits of a 50 caliber round."

"As a British person, it just seemed stereotypically American that someone would be discussing guns at a theme park."

- TheSortOfOkGatsby

See, I live in FLORIDA so none of this surprises me and most of the responses didn't even seem that abnormal. What does that say about my life? Me?

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