If the stereotypes about Americans irk you, this article is likely to make your eye do that thing where the bottom lid gets all twitchy... don't say we didn't warn you.
Reddit user Knight_William asked:
"What is the most "american" thing you've seen?"
Listen y'all...
We really aren't doing ourselves any favors out here in the world, my fellow Americans.
I'm going to skip over the more terrifying answers (not to overlook them, but because that deserves its own article or two ... or ten) and focus on some of our more benign bro-behaviors.
You're still probably going to have a headache or serious case of second-hand embarrassment by the end. :
Nothing More American Than Money
Make It Rain Money GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants
Giphy
"Hispanic guy in a domestic pickup truck selling all sorts of flags:"
"USA flag, MAGA flags, confederate flags"
"Gay pride flags, BLM flags"
"POW/MIA flags."
"Takes cash, card, apps and crypto."
"There's nothing more American than making money. He's living that American dream, in my opinion."
- status_two
"He plays on both side 💪🏻 respecting the hustle 😂 "
- SwanGrouchy6005
Everything On Wheels
trailer park GIF
Giphy
"I live in a prefab home, ie a trailer, on a dead end road. In my driveway there's an El Camino and an old Mustang. I feel like we're 'Murica-ing pretty hard around here."
- Sudzkng
"Ah yes, house is on wheels and the cars are on blocks."
- charlie2135
"I'll have you know everything is on wheels, thank you very much. And the transmission in the mustang is only slightly broken."
- Sudzking
Multi-Tasking
"I always called this guy 'the ultimate sports fan' - I met him at Monday Night Football at the dome in Minneapolis."
"Go to hit the head, but they're all full so we're in line waiting. Taking a leak is this guy:"
- "Peeing no-handed"
- "Talking on cell phone pressed ear to shoulder"
- "Smoking a cigarette (still allowed then)"
- "Using his hands to do a scratch off lottery ticket"
"Amazing."
- willmaxr
It's The Same
Confused Kevin James GIF by TV Land
Giphy
"I grew up in a very popular Canadian tourist town."
"The number of Americans who are confused by our money is ridiculous. Only Americans could be confused by a currency that uses the same names and denominations as their own."
"I know most of you are cool, but damn your Karens are on another level."
- dinkfloyd
"I bet $5 U.S. that our Karen can take your Chantal"
- gemstun
Boom Go The Cannons
new orleans love GIF by NBA
Giphy
"I just left an NBA game and there is no more pure American joy than when they bring out the plastic cannon to shoot the t-shirts 3 sizes too large."
"I mean, we want our teams to win and all but for one brief second we all have a chance at greatness. A chance at a new world with a new shirt."
"And when that monkey mascot pumped his fist and shook his head as the cannon pivoted in my direction I knew. I knew I had a chance to realize the American dream: That balled up t-shirt."
"As the shirt arched towards me some lil sh*t kid with weak ambitions and even weaker grip got thrown out of my way. In that moment everything I've strived for was realized."
"Some say the American dream is a big house or a fancy car. You'll get all sorts of different answers if you ask...but if you go and see... stand as witness to the glory... you'll see the epitome of American happiness is catching a balled up T-Shirt shot from a t-shirt cannon at a major league sporting event right here in the US of A ."
"Proud to be an American!"
- chucklesbtoken2
Hurricane Control
Angry Forrest Gump GIF
Giphy
"People gathered to shoot at hurricane Irma."
- Aderlaker
"Please tell me you're joking…. Shoot the hurricane, with bullets? I'm ashamed to be the same species as those people."
- Jayhawks190
"I'm not joking it was on the news. Florida, of course. They ended up actually shooting their guns at it."
- Aderlaker
This Trifecta of Terrible
Comedy Central Mm GIF by Workaholics
Giphy
"I didn't see it myself, but my boss and his best friend (who works for him) told the following story where I work:"
"They were at a charity golf event during which a girl in a bikini had an AR-15 with a special attachment on it that enabled it to fire golf balls."
"Instead of teeing off, she would shoot your ball toward the green, and then you had to play from wherever it landed. The girl couldn't shoot, they said, but no one cared because everyone was drunk and her bikini barely existed."
"Alternate alternate: my own hospital bill for $46,892."
- 14338
Bacon
Food Nom GIF by The Last Man On Earth
Giphy
"While on vacation at an All Inclusive resort: saw a woman at the breakfast buffet. She made a bacon and egg croissant-wich. No problems with any of that..."
"But the sandwich had to be 8" tall with all the bacon and egg and cheese she stuffed in it. She took SO MUCH."
"To eat, she opened her mouth so wide her jaw must have unhinged. She then proceeded to start stuffing the sandwich in her mouth by jamming it in with her fingers… literally poking more and more in her mouth like she was trying to swallow it whole."
"Our entire table just stopped eating and stared in disbelief."
"Her husband had at least 32 pieces of bacon on his plate and was complaining that the buffet had ran out of bacon. Of course they did, the couple took enough for several FAMILIES, much less two individuals."
"They were from Texas."
- Pinkiepie1111
High Caliber Fun!
Mickey Mouse Disney GIF
Giphy
"Was in Disneyland Florida in the Epcot Centre and this handlebar-moustached American was loudly professing about the merits of a 50 caliber round."
"As a British person, it just seemed stereotypically American that someone would be discussing guns at a theme park."
- TheSortOfOkGatsby
See, I live in FLORIDA so none of this surprises me and most of the responses didn't even seem that abnormal. What does that say about my life? Me?
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Have you ever eaten something that hit you so wrong that it kind of upset your soul? Something so foul and sacrilegious that even years later you get a little bit angry thinking about it?
Something that made your tastebuds cry out for you to avenge them?
Then this is the article for you.
Reddit user PhillyGirlLovesBagel asked:
"What's the worst food you've ever tried?"
Friends, your hunger deserved better.
The Worst Burger On Earth
Hungry Kate Hudson GIF by filmeditorGiphy"In the Dominican Republic, there is a mountain in Puerto Plata called Isabel de Torres. On that mountain there is a restaurant."
"That restaurant sells the worst goddamn burgers you will ever eat in your life."
"Would just like to say, don't be discouraged from visiting the Dominican Republic. The people, culture, scenery, and food there are all amazing!"
"Take it from me, I lived there for six years. 9/10, would recommend. Just seriously - AVOID THIS BURGER."
"They were so bad I almost puked after the first bite and our entire party left. The patty (if you could even call it that) was burnt to a crisp."
"The patty itself looked and tasted like a mix if rice, eggplant, and beef. It also had way too much 'sauce,' which was just a mix of the cheapest available ketchup and those like liquid cheeses that come in a bottle at fast food places."
"Other than that, the burger had tomato, arugula, and burnt cheddar cheese. I really, REALLY, cannot overstate how bad it was."
"The worst thing is that this wasn't a one off with the restaurant. We were a group of five and we all ordered a burger (there were like three things on the menu), and they all came out the same. We left."
- JoshPoshTheGreat
When Mom Was Out
disgusted go away GIFGiphy"There was a week where my mom was out so my dad had to cook for my brother and I. His first day he made chili."
"By chili I mean that he browned some beef, threw it in a pot with water and added one single packet of chili seasoning to the water and served it to us."
"We had frozen pizza the rest of the week."
-DrGingeyy
Moms Cooking
Schitts Creek No GIF by CBCGiphy"My ex mother-in-laws meatloaf."
"She literally just pressed ground beef into a square baking pan and threw it in the oven. Zero spices. Zero anything but hot ground beef."
"She also made 'baked spaghetti' which was her take on baked ziti. It was cooked spaghetti noodles with plain tomato sauce in a pan and baked."
"She was so terrified of the 'negative health effects' of salt that she grew to fear ALL spices. Her cabinets and fridge were filled with everything reduced sodium, fat free, sugar free, etc."
"Her cooking made me realize why I had to twist my ex's arm to try REAL meatloaf and baked ziti the way it's supposed to be made. She had no idea what she was doing in the kitchen."
- SugarHooves
That French Flan
Melissa Barrera Eating GIF by VidaGiphy"I was in France and stopped by a place in Paris."
"I had been travelling for several months and missed Mexican food. When the owner found out I was Mexican, she insisted I try the flan she just made as a first attempt."
"The food was pretty alright, not like home but it hit the spot. She brought out the flan and stood there expectantly waiting for my response."
"It was absolutely the worst flan I had ever had in my life."
"Like it just tasted BAD. Like eggs that were off? Flan is a custard and the temperature line between custard and sweetened scrambled eggs is a fine one."
"I couldn't hide my reaction and she became visibly upset. I ate a little more to be polite but just couldn't anymore."
"I told her I'm just very picky and suggested a few things as I had worked in a bakery that had made some in the past (aside from family recipes). I gave her my contact info and a few weeks later got an email thanking me."
"A group of Mexican musicians came through and told her while it wasn't traditional, it was very tasty and had a good texture."
"She said any time I was back to please stop by for a meal on the house. Unfortunately, the next time I was back the place had closed down."
- Malignantrumor99
Wiggling Away...
Cake Shaking GIF by Miss PettyGiphy"Jellied salad."
"Lots of my family still thinks aspics are a necessity for family dinners, so there'll usually be a variety of jellied salads. Tomato salad, shredded cabbage salad, usually some kind of weird olive and hard boiled egg combo for some reason."
"All sitting on their plates, perfectly rectangular, wiggling away..."
- LycheeEyeballs
"People in the 50s and 60s put EVERYTHING in gelatin. I’m pretty sure there’s a recipe out there for roast chicken jello."
- XxsquirrelxX
"Because way way back before gelatin came in a packet, it was really time consuming to extract it from bones. Aspic was seen as a kind of status symbol, as well as a creative and colourful thing to make for parties."
"And then when it did come in a packet in the 50s and 60s, there was a huge drive to try and market something which was essentially a biproduct of the meat industry as a food staple."
- Bribase
Spaghetti
Giphy"One of my ex girlfriend's grandmothers had the whole family over for dinner one night. She cooked spaghetti."
"My ex's mom pulled me aside and warned me that it would be terrible. Not just bad. Terrible."
"Boy, was she right."
"Her grandmother boiled water, put in the noodles, DID NOT DRAIN THE WATER, and then dumped some salt, pepper, and KETCHUP into the pot and served it. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom so I could dry heave over the toilet."
- Hollywood899
A Redemption Arc
james franco sandwich GIFGiphy"This one has a redemption arc."
"My then-girlfriend brought some leftover Ethiopian food and kept talking about how awesome it was and had me try some injera (like a giant sourdough pancake) after she reheated everything."
"It was absolutely revolting. Dry and brittle and weirdly grainy and the wrong side of chewy. Seriously the worst thing I had ever had in my life."
"Fast-forward about a month and we go to that restaurant. I wasn't excited, but whatever. I figure there has to be good stuff and I can avoid the injera bread pancake disaster, right?"
"The staff there tells me the injera is your UTENSIL. You're supposed to tear off bits and use it to pick up your food with."
"You're not supposed to eat it by itself, it's purposefully flavorless. They also say never put it in a fridge or microwave it; at which point my girlfriend stared at the table mournfully as she had served it like that."
"The order arrives and I take a breath, pick up some red lentils with the injera expecting that same dry brittle grainy weirdness ... and I discovered my death row meal, folks."
"It's the greatest food on the planet. The fresh injera tastes amazing and only highlights everything you pick up with it! Gored gored (beef pan roasted in berbere that's super spicy and amazing), injera, and red lentils are now the best food I've ever tasted in my life!"
"If you're ever in Memphis, go to Abyssinia on Poplar. Try the red lentils."
- DarthDregan
This Old Mans Recommendation
gross vomit GIFGiphy"My dad was finishing our basement in our old house, and he had an elderly man from our old church helping him out with hanging the drywall, electrical wiring, that kind of thing."
"Well, this old geezer knew my family liked beef heart (side note: beef heart is delicious, but you have to be ready for the ventricles - they can be a bit weird to chew on if you don't cut them out of the piece of meat that you're eating), so he says we are gonna love kidneys."
"My dad always loved liver, so he just assumed it would be something similar."
"NOT. EVEN. F*CKING. CLOSE."
"My dad did everything he could to spice this rancid meat up and make it not taste like pure, unadulterated sadness. Nothing worked - it smelled like piss, the house reeked of it for weeks after."
"My dad refused to even try it, my mom took a bite and spat it out, and then they made my brother and I eat a bite. I can still smell that stench..."
"So anyway, we end up ordering pizza and that old fart sat down and ate an entire pound of that acrid organ. Mind you, this is the same old man that would eat bulbs of garlic like they were f*cking apples in the middle of church, so I don't know why that wasn't a red flag right from the start to my parents."
- Potato-In-A-Jacket
That Last Sentence
Season 7 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphy"In High School I got pizza from the pizza shack in the lunch area. The pizza was soggy as hell from the grease. Upon taking a bite, it tasted like alcohol."
"The bread had fermented."
- Spiderbubble
"That last sentence was like a punch to the gut. Wtf"
- WhichButterscotch240
"I think I tasted this comment 🤢"
- SolBlackGuy
Turtle Tea
Sipping Kermit The Frog GIFGiphy"I lived in China for a while. My employer took we to an extremely fancy restaurant once, one that was apparently listed as one of the 'eight treasures of Chinese cuisine' by the CCP."
"It specialized in accurate recipes from a period that, if I recall correctly, was about 700 years old. They were ... intense."
"They served a tea that was basically just a baby turtle boiled in water and served, turtle and all."
"Beyond the unpleasantness of opening your little cup and finding a whole boiled baby turtle, it tasted like week old gym socks."
- Oh_umms_cocktails
Alright, you've made it through Reddit's horror stories, it's your turn.
What have you eaten that you seriously wish you could un-eat? Do you actually like any of the things listed here?
Share your thoughts in the comments.
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I am a keeper of secrets. Not a spiller. Unless of course a there is a jug of top shelf cosmos around. Then we may have trouble.
“wedding”
Episode 12 Wedding GIF by FriendsGiphy"No one, and I mean absolutely no one (aside from my wife) who attended my “wedding” knew that it was actually our one year anniversary party." ~ Reddit
lucky streak
"I had this lucky streak as a kid...s mall stuff usually, like free 20oz on a soda cap. My mom and I didn't have a great relationship (not bad, just distant because my sister died) but she was always super excited about it. So when it hadn't happened for a while, I started creating situations to keep her attention." ~ SyninHex
Bye Pop
"I grew up raised by my grandfather, when I was 21 he had a stroke. I called 911 and practically drove behind the ambulance the entire way to the hospital I ended up stayed with him there for 2 days while his kids flew from across the country to see him. I remember him laying there as I held his hand, he kept saying my name over and over again, and he just passed like that sometime in the night, I never told my uncles or aunts exactly what happened, it was just to surreal for me." ~ Echob0_
Lost
"That I'm very lost in life and don't know what to do, like in a point of where I have free time I don't do anything productive just lay in my bed for hours. Sometimes at night thinking whether I'm going down the right path, or am I doing things right, or just thinking about how my closest friends n family will react if I just end it one day. But that won't happen since I'm too afraid to do it." ~ Error_Code505
Steve
yacht rock GIFGiphy"I like the song 'Oh Sherrie' by Steve Perry un-ironically, and when I watched the music video for the first time in years a few years ago, I cried. I don't know why, maybe it was the nostalgia (I was a kid in the 80s)." ~ napalmnacey
Such scandal. And such innocence. I was waiting for tragedy and mayhem. Let's see...
Diagnosis
Teddy Bear Hug GIFGiphy"That I’m pretty sure I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and as I get older (especially this past year) I see signs that I may be incapable of being happy." ~ Giveushealthcare
Stashed
"Back in high school, my friends and I had a secret alcohol stash in the woods. They pissed me off one day, so I took the stuff I wanted to drink for myself. They later discovered the best stuff was gone and they never suspected it was me. They thought a parent or sibling had found out and almost gave away their own secret trying to find who did it. It was entertaining for sure for me." ~ TeenageDream1234
Thanks for listening...
"I never got over the trauma of a bad relationship 17 years ago. It has negatively impacted every aspect of my life and although I’ve seemingly bounced back a very long time ago. Anyone that knows me would be shocked at the level of despair and depression I’ve been in for years."
"No one would ever know everything looks good on the outside. At this point I can barely remember much about the guy — yet I feel like he defines my entire adult life. I’m stuck on the loss of what could’ve been. It has nothing to do even do with him at this point, it’s more of what he represented. Time I will never get back, mistakes I’ve made."
"I beat myself up over the time I lost, the opportunities I missed and for not being able to just pick myself up and fully move on. It’s very painful to face wasted time and yet to continue not to live in the moment. And the years decades of hiding and pretending like all is well is maddening. The pandemic has made me face this head on and it hasn’t been pretty being alone with my thoughts. Thanks for listening." ~ Due-Time-8151
Crushed
"That I had the biggest crush on my best friend back during high school and about a year after or so. I’m pretty sure she’s connected the dots ever since I told her and my close group of friends that I’m bi, but we’ve never discussed it and I hope we never do. It’d just be kinda awkward and there’s no point doing so." ~ good-ol-beat
Stay
GIF by Leroy PattersonGiphy"If my ex husband had only said once 'I love you and I don’t want to break up, let’s work on it,' I would have stayed married." ~ landofmold
Don't harbor shame. Shame is not a secret to hold. If you need help don't be afraid to ask. You're not alone. And tell the truth about love.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
I try to just give my thoughts. I always preface... "I just think," and then I alone own it. And if they don't agree, then no one is hurt. We can't live each other's lives.
Pain Management
head feels GIFGiphy"Surgeon - The pains I’m feeling are normal and he doesn’t need to see me until a follow up 6 months later and I can have my staples removed at any health clinic. I almost died from sepsis. It took 12 weeks to recover from this." ~ Valen258
Not the Fix
"Talking to a friend about some normal relationship problems, college age boyfriend-girlfriend, and she suggested getting pregnant to fix it and win all the arguments. (By way of poking holes in condoms after I said we weren’t into trying for a baby and he’s adamantly anti-child). She had a baby at 16 and I never judge anyone for having a kid that young, but I have an inkling of why and how she did it now. Also, after that red flag we did not remain friends." ~ saturnspritr
National Park visitors Center...
"Best and worst from same person. Wife and I hiked from our campsite to National Park visitors Center. It took us almost 2 hours with temperatures in high 90s F (30+ C). We saw no other hikers because no one else was that stupid. We were exhausted. Park Ranger told us we should always bring snacks (nuts, fruit etc) as water is not enough. That was good advice. Then suggested that I hike back on my own to get the car and return for my wife! Bad advice." ~ antmakka
Computer Issues
"Don't study Computer Sciences. Everybody will do it, the market will be saturated and you will have a tough time finding a job." (my parents around 2010)." ~ CrystalButcher
"Ha! I got pretty much the same advice, but it was 'don't do computer programming; you're too personable. You should do sales."'
"It probably set me back 10 years doing sales jobs I hated until I got back into software development. Not sure why I listened to those people." ~ JohnBarnson
Know your worth...
The Office Boss GIFGiphy"Never ask for a raise. Your supervisor should be able to see if you are working hard and give you a raise when the time is right. SMH." ~ julianned32
See there? A lot of ruin. You don't have to take advice. Oh my... that is good advice.
WTF?
Season 3 What GIF by On My BlockGiphy“Just down a bottle of vodka and punch yourself in the stomach” - a friend when I thought I was pregnant." ~ Space-cash
Be Good
"Don't do something if you're not good at it. Listen kid, that is so wrong you don't even know." ~ subscribe_for_facts
"Having perfectionist parents I was basically raised to believe this. I'm in my mid twenties and trying so hard to break out of it. It's given me a lot of resentment towards my parents for never letting me learn to do things I wasn't immediately good at or just trying new things in general." ~ Chanmanklein
“turbo boosters engaged”
"A friend told me that if I fart during sex, I could save face by saying 'turbo boosters engaged' and then pound faster and harder. Once I started having sex I realized how normal noises are and I stopped caring. But I guess he was just trying to be a bro." ~ Christophisatitagain
"Noises sure but don't fart on them during." ~ CaptainHindsight92
Loan Death
"When I went to college on the Pell grant, which basically covered the tuition for each semester and there was an extra $1000 left over for books and whatnot. Also available to me was a $5000 loan each semester, which I didn't need. After the first year, my father said "'take the loans too, if you get a civil service job, you can have the loans forgiven.' Fast forward 15 years and I still have $25K worth of student loans I never needed to take. :( " ~ odenwalder1
"My mom was persuaded"
"I was told by a guidance counselor as an incoming freshman (who didn't know me from anyone else, by the way) that taking more than one honors course plus being in band was too much. My mom was persuaded. I had to fight both of them to ignore the advice."
"I ended up taking every honors and AP course possible throughout high school, finishing with a perfect 4.0 GPA, then doing the same in college. Don't take advice on what you should or shouldn't do from someone who doesn't know you. Always take into account your personal strengths and weaknesses when considering any advice in life." ~ Kooky_Finding8516
Meds
Season 2 Nbc GIF by New AmsterdamGiphy"‘Don’t go on meds, just exercise’ for depression. Meds ended up practically saving my life." ~ Introvertedpanda3
Let's all try to just live our best lives. That is not an easy mission.
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