If the stereotypes about Americans irk you, this article is likely to make your eye do that thing where the bottom lid gets all twitchy... don't say we didn't warn you.
Reddit user Knight_William asked:
"What is the most "american" thing you've seen?"
Listen y'all...
We really aren't doing ourselves any favors out here in the world, my fellow Americans.
I'm going to skip over the more terrifying answers (not to overlook them, but because that deserves its own article or two ... or ten) and focus on some of our more benign bro-behaviors.
You're still probably going to have a headache or serious case of second-hand embarrassment by the end. :
Nothing More American Than Money
Make It Rain Money GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"Hispanic guy in a domestic pickup truck selling all sorts of flags:"
"USA flag, MAGA flags, confederate flags"
"Gay pride flags, BLM flags"
"POW/MIA flags."
"Takes cash, card, apps and crypto."
"There's nothing more American than making money. He's living that American dream, in my opinion."
- status_two
"He plays on both side 💪🏻 respecting the hustle 😂 "
- SwanGrouchy6005
Everything On Wheels
trailer park GIFGiphy"I live in a prefab home, ie a trailer, on a dead end road. In my driveway there's an El Camino and an old Mustang. I feel like we're 'Murica-ing pretty hard around here."
- Sudzkng
"Ah yes, house is on wheels and the cars are on blocks."
- charlie2135
"I'll have you know everything is on wheels, thank you very much. And the transmission in the mustang is only slightly broken."
- Sudzking
Multi-Tasking
"I always called this guy 'the ultimate sports fan' - I met him at Monday Night Football at the dome in Minneapolis."
"Go to hit the head, but they're all full so we're in line waiting. Taking a leak is this guy:"
- "Peeing no-handed"
- "Talking on cell phone pressed ear to shoulder"
- "Smoking a cigarette (still allowed then)"
- "Using his hands to do a scratch off lottery ticket"
"Amazing."
- willmaxr
It's The Same
Confused Kevin James GIF by TV LandGiphy"I grew up in a very popular Canadian tourist town."
"The number of Americans who are confused by our money is ridiculous. Only Americans could be confused by a currency that uses the same names and denominations as their own."
"I know most of you are cool, but damn your Karens are on another level."
- dinkfloyd
"I bet $5 U.S. that our Karen can take your Chantal"
- gemstun
Boom Go The Cannons
new orleans love GIF by NBAGiphy"I just left an NBA game and there is no more pure American joy than when they bring out the plastic cannon to shoot the t-shirts 3 sizes too large."
"I mean, we want our teams to win and all but for one brief second we all have a chance at greatness. A chance at a new world with a new shirt."
"And when that monkey mascot pumped his fist and shook his head as the cannon pivoted in my direction I knew. I knew I had a chance to realize the American dream: That balled up t-shirt."
"As the shirt arched towards me some lil sh*t kid with weak ambitions and even weaker grip got thrown out of my way. In that moment everything I've strived for was realized."
"Some say the American dream is a big house or a fancy car. You'll get all sorts of different answers if you ask...but if you go and see... stand as witness to the glory... you'll see the epitome of American happiness is catching a balled up T-Shirt shot from a t-shirt cannon at a major league sporting event right here in the US of A ."
"Proud to be an American!"
- chucklesbtoken2
Hurricane Control
Angry Forrest Gump GIFGiphy"People gathered to shoot at hurricane Irma."
- Aderlaker
"Please tell me you're joking…. Shoot the hurricane, with bullets? I'm ashamed to be the same species as those people."
- Jayhawks190
"I'm not joking it was on the news. Florida, of course. They ended up actually shooting their guns at it."
- Aderlaker
This Trifecta of Terrible
Comedy Central Mm GIF by WorkaholicsGiphy"I didn't see it myself, but my boss and his best friend (who works for him) told the following story where I work:"
"They were at a charity golf event during which a girl in a bikini had an AR-15 with a special attachment on it that enabled it to fire golf balls."
"Instead of teeing off, she would shoot your ball toward the green, and then you had to play from wherever it landed. The girl couldn't shoot, they said, but no one cared because everyone was drunk and her bikini barely existed."
"Alternate alternate: my own hospital bill for $46,892."
- 14338
Bacon
Food Nom GIF by The Last Man On EarthGiphy"While on vacation at an All Inclusive resort: saw a woman at the breakfast buffet. She made a bacon and egg croissant-wich. No problems with any of that..."
"But the sandwich had to be 8" tall with all the bacon and egg and cheese she stuffed in it. She took SO MUCH."
"To eat, she opened her mouth so wide her jaw must have unhinged. She then proceeded to start stuffing the sandwich in her mouth by jamming it in with her fingers… literally poking more and more in her mouth like she was trying to swallow it whole."
"Our entire table just stopped eating and stared in disbelief."
"Her husband had at least 32 pieces of bacon on his plate and was complaining that the buffet had ran out of bacon. Of course they did, the couple took enough for several FAMILIES, much less two individuals."
"They were from Texas."
- Pinkiepie1111
High Caliber Fun!
Mickey Mouse Disney GIFGiphy"Was in Disneyland Florida in the Epcot Centre and this handlebar-moustached American was loudly professing about the merits of a 50 caliber round."
"As a British person, it just seemed stereotypically American that someone would be discussing guns at a theme park."
- TheSortOfOkGatsby
See, I live in FLORIDA so none of this surprises me and most of the responses didn't even seem that abnormal. What does that say about my life? Me?
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Redditor _ReDd1T_UsEr wanted to discuss the reasons why many of us decided to cut some people out of our lives, so they asked:
"What was the reason why your friendship ended with someone?"
Sometimes a person just has to go.
Planning Stages
Weekend Sunday GIF by DisneyGiphy"I stopped being the first to always initiate plans, and that was that."
Witty-Surround-6541
"I once asked a friend to plan our next breakfast + walk outing, since I always did that. He wrote me a letter ending the friendship. Stunning!"
fermat9996
Pants on Fire
"Habitual lying became too annoying and disruptive to tolerate."
Hosscatticus_Dad523
"When you constantly are thinking... this math ain't matching lol. People that lie all the time make me sick. I've told multiple friends that you don't have to lie to me."
"I feel so much better when someone can trust me and feel comfortable telling me a hard truth than an easy lie."
"Even if the truth made me feel some type of way, I'm still glad it was honest. I've even said thank you to people in the past that have been honest with me, good or bad! Some people just can not help lying about things. I wouldn't be able to ever keep a story straight if I did that."
__eden_
Bad Behavior
"He kept having kids with different girls and bailing on them. Coming from a 'went out for a pack of smokes' Dad myself, I just couldn't watch it anymore. Bailed after the third one. Think he's up to 6 now."
KingGuy420
"Reminds me of one of my ex-friends. She kept having kids with MULTIPLE guys (all of them were one-night stands), I don't think she even knows who the baby daddies are."
"She also kept begging me and people for money for pot, and she also bragged about having OnlyFans. She'd also make up stories about being in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend (she'd also cheat on him/tell people her and him they broke up, which they weren't)."
wisconsinking
Reasons
"I was a bad person and they ended it for perfectly sensible reasons. I would have done the same. I've changed, but I don't blame them for not reconsidering contact."
tabletopsidekick
"I’ve been there. I was a bad person and lost friendships and family relationships. I tried to apologize to everyone I hurt."
PDXGalMeow
"I also accepted that they don’t want me in their lives anymore. I learned that I made my mistakes, I learned from them, and I accept their choices. I don’t self-hate anymore and I try to be a better person in general. I hope you are doing well and practicing self-love and forgiveness."
PDXGalMeow
Money Issues
Donald Duck Money GIFGiphy"I lent them $20 and then they avoided me so they didn’t have to pay me back. Worth the $20."
BuickAssault
"I don't ever expect prompt returns of small amounts of money between my friends... we all buy each other rounds or buy the food for the BBQ or whatever. It ends up evening out over time I think we'd notice though if someone was always taking and never giving and then they'd probably get cut off too."
Badloss
In the immortal words of Cyndi Lauper... "Money Changes Everything."
Lack of Support
Happy Planning GIFGiphy"She joined a pyramid scheme selling butt-ugly leggings and it took over her whole life. When I finally told her it was negatively affecting our friendship, she accused me of not supporting her 'business.'"
LeftandLeaving9006
Oh Driver
"I was basically a taxi for my friends so I dumped them all."
Bullfrog_Little
"This one I can understand but depends on the situation. Not all of my friends had cars in high school, so our group needed to have me and my sh*tty '94 Plymouth Sundance come, or they couldn't do anything. I didn't mind at all then, but I definitely would these days."
Hoopajoops
"I remember I used to drive around with my buddies all the time before they had licenses. When one of my friends got his and a car I said sweet now you can drive me around for a bit, he replied that he wasn't gonna waste his money on gas like that. See ya, haven't really spoken to him since."
DontcallmeShirley_82
2063
"How's this for oddly specific: Friend since 1980, was hanging out at a bar in 1992 and there was a dispute of over a $15.00 bar tab. I was in the right, but whatever - he held a grudge for years."
"Ran into him in 2017 and we were both too old to care. Started to see each other now and then. 2023 and we're at this local bar for a show and got into a fight about $15.00 a ticket."
"Maybe he'll call me in 2063."
The68Guns
Exhausting
"She was a taker, constantly. When I needed something she made it about her yet again. Exhausting to be around."
LordyIHopeThereIsPie
"I'm going through this right now. Can't tell you how many texts I have from her in the past few days telling me that I need to get over myself, need to stop making myself the victim, have been a terrible friend, have never been there for her."
"She's the most narcissistic person I know and everyone does everything for her. She has one of the easiest lives ever and anytime anything bad happens to her she believes that everyone is against her and she's the victim here. It's pure insanity. There is no talking sense to people like this."
cheeseburgerwaffles
Life Changes
point pointing GIF by Shalita GrantGiphy"I've lost like all but two of my 'friends' because I stopped drinking and doing hard drugs."
ConcertTerrible8877
"Same here dude. My circle is small but hey at least it's a circle I know I can go to."
Miss_mayonnaise
Oh, how things change when the booze dries up.
How much fun were you really having?
Do you have any stories about cutting off a friend? Let us know in the comments below.
Curious to hear from ex-lovers who've been there, Redditor Lishasquarepant asked:
"What caused your last break-up?"
These Redditors found they and their significant other were no longer on the same page.
"Simply, we grew apart."
– catetheway
"Same, I feel like Michael Scott everytime I try to start another relationship. 'No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again.'"
– Gthew
Happier Apart
"Same. We loved each other like siblings, not spouses... Ugh! Lovely man though who now has a fab girlfriend. We are good friends and much happier apart."
– MoxieHasKnottyBits
No Regrets
"Same. And it f'king sucks, but that’s life. It’s been a year and I still hate every second that she’s not in my life, but at the same time I know she’s happier now than she would’ve been if we stayed together."
– throway35885328
Having no communication is the worst part.
Silent Partner
"He slowly got distant. I believe he lost interest and didn't dare be honest with me about that."
– GaiaNatur77
The Late Blame Game
"I had that happen as well, but then he pinned it on me being distant and not affectionate enough."
"My guy, if you pull your hand away every time I try to hold it, I'm gonna stop trying to hold it. And if I ask if something's up and you repeatedly tell me everything is fine, I'm going to believe you. Don't wait till I'm at my worst moment and then reveal you had issues with me for 3 months and break up with me for it being 'my fault.'"
– Billielolly
"Everything Is Fine"
"Oh man, the asking repeatedly and getting a 'nothing' reminds me of a story."
"My friend used to ask her ex this every time he was unusually quiet. He’d always say he was fine, then at one point, told her to stop asking because it was making him feel weird."
"So she did."
"Six months later he initiated a divorce because she didn’t care about his feelings anymore."
"Like…don’t ask for sh*t then get pissy when you get what you want."
– TheRealJackReynolds
And then there are those who were not invested in the relationship for a long time.
The Struggle Is Real
"He seemed to struggle with the concept of not f'king random people."
– spanglesandbambi
Leaving The Problem
"He moved to his country because he missed his family. So he only sent a WhatsApp message saying he was going to stay there. I would have preferred a call at least to break up a marriage."
– kattia12
New Life
"Something similar happened to my cousin. He married her in the US, they had a baby together.. a few years go by, he misses home, goes back to visit.. His family had an arranged marriage ready for him 🤦🏻♀️ He ended up with a new wife and new baby. Hasn’t came back."
– MysticalMom7
A Foreign Custom
"It just seems so surreal that a grown a** adult with a wife and baby would leave his family behind for an arranged marriage. I'll never fathom the mentality."
– ro0ibos2
Ouch
"I wasn't having sex near as often as she was."
– YourWordsMatter
Breaking up is hard to do.
But a good thing to remember is that love can be found again and the new relationship can be even better than the previous one.
And that's something that can't be recognized until you look back in retrospect.
We all have to kiss a few toads.