How do I look?
I'd ask for a mirror.
"It's been twenty years and you guys haven't figured how to bring people out of a coma? jeesh"
Honestly I'd probably ask where my dad was. If I was alive on life support for 20 years, I assume he would have been paying the bills. He'd be an old man by then. I've no idea if my girlfriend would still be there. She loves me, but she also wants to be a mother more than anything, and she'd probably stop waiting after 5-10 years, which I would not blame her for. But I know my dad would keep me alive until the day he dies, no matter the cost.
Goddamn I love my dad.
"Can you please remove this plastic tube from my....?"
"Were the new Star Wars movies any good?" ??????
Not Sure My Insurance Covers This
"How much debt am I in, now that I've been in the hospital for 20 years?"
"How much are my 10 bitcoins worth?"
"DOCTOR, I NEED PIZZA, COKE, A LAPTOP AND THE WI-FI PASSWORD. STAT!"
Mom and Dad, I Can Explain
"Did anyone look at my internet history?"
I'd... hope that I had at least lost some weight on my strict liquid tube feeding diet.
No questions. Just crying. Then after crying for 1 hour straight "where's my mom?"
Call Me Rip Van Winkle
"Did I oversleep again?"
"Was I snoring? I would be so embarrassed if I was snoring... Holy sh*t did I fart? Wait don't tell me.... OK tell me...wait no...I farted huh?....ahhhh I hate comas!!!!!!!"
If it's a hot doctor: "How you doing?"
I'd probably ask for a shower and a razor. I can't imagine they would keep me that clean.
"Bathroom. WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?"
That Took An Unexpected Turn
"You know, most test subjects come out of stasis horribly malnourished. Congratulations on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds."
Asking for a Friend
Do Japanese robotic girlfriends exist yet? How much?
"WHO'S THE CURRENT DOCTOR? ARE BOW TIES STILL COOL? TELL ME!" __
Do You Own a Crossbow?
"What's that door over there with the sign that reads 'DON'T DEAD, OPEN INSIDE'?"