Life is cyclical. Whatever you do unto others... it will come back to you. The boomerang should be the symbol for life. Karma is no joke. She is a sleek, observant ghost who is ready to pounce on those who are most deserving. Everybody may not believe in karma because sometimes she has a slow process but trust, she will always come for you, and in ways you least expect or in ways biblically poetic. So go forth in life and be your best self if no other reason than sparing your karmic scores.
Redditor u/ABD63 was dying to know what sort of karmic shenanigans we've seen publicly by asking... What is a case of Instant Karma you witnessed?
The Seagulls always win...
Was buying some drinks at a circle K one day while visiting someone in Florida and these old tourists cut us in line, all the while complaining and yelling loudly about everything, how expensive everything is, how crowded the beach is, it's too hot, etc. they are also really rude to the cashier and take forever arguing about the price of the hot dogs they were buying or something. They leave and as we walk out we witness a seagull come and snatch the guy's hot dog right out of his hand. His wife then shrieks and proceeds to drop hers out of surprise.
I know it isn't that big of a deal but it was so hilarious watching that happening that I still remember it 5 years later.
The Wallet
Happened while visiting NY. I watched someone bend down to pick up a wallet someone ahead of them had just dropped. All of this was going down in the crosswalk and I was in the passenger seat with my dad driving. Guy A who picked up the wallet began run it to Guy B who was already across the street and while doing so, his wallet fell out of his pocket and on the sidewalk/crosswalk area.
Some dude in the bike lane rode up a little ways ahead, bent down, and picked it up and just started heading off. Just grabbed it and began to ride away like a bunch of cars hadn't just watched him. My dad was about to say something when a cop car adjacent to us swerved in front of cycler and made him give it back. Cycler bumped into the cop car and was trying to go around when he was tackled. I think they might've arrested him but he light changed so we couldn't stick around.
Coolest instant karma I've ever seen.
Fast & Furious...
I was waiting at a red light to cross the main street of my town. My light goes green, so I start driving, at the same time a truck to my right starts going. I hit my brakes to avoid hitting him, and this kid is looking at me like I'm the jerk.
As soon as he's clear, I finish crossing, and I see lights starts flashing. He ran the red while being directly in front of a cop.
Slow Down
My wife was jogging, and a man starts driving slow and cat calling her. Doesn't realize it's a red light and rear-ends a truck, totally destroying his Prius. Cop was stopped at the same red light and saw the whole situation. Cop laughed and asked my wife to fill out a witness statement.
it was a busy street, so when I say "driving slow," I mean he slowed down while passing her, probably hit the lady in the truck doing about 35 in a 50.
Watch the speed...
We were driving home late from work one night, (both bartenders, maybe midnight). We live in a small community, and we were at the 1/4 mile section that goes from 55, to 45, to 35, to 25.
A giant lifted truck decided that he wanted to continue going 55, he was up our butt, brights on, so close you couldn't even see his bumper. It was like his lights were in our car.
Pretty much 2 seconds after one of us said, "Where's a cop when you need one?", a deputy passed us going the opposite direction and immediately flipped and pulled him over.
Still gives me the warm fuzzies.
Called me what?
Drunk guy at the bar started yelling at the bartender for cutting him off. Called her B and whore multiple times and then tried to scoot his bar stool back. Instead it caught on the carpet and he fell backwards like a tree falling. It made a very audible thud and of course, everyone stops what they're doing to look. He laid there for a minute, got up and stumbled to the door as everyone continued to stare at him. Definitely never saw him again.
I hope it hurt!
A guy kicked a dog and ran full speed into a brick wall as the dog chased him.
Maybe be nice to all creatures.
Except roaches.
And fleas.
And mosquitoes.
The Rage
Saw some lady road raging hard at slow traffic going over a dangerous mountain pass. She was trying to run people off the road trying to get around them. I've never seen anything like it, she could've killed someone. Saw her getting forcefully arrested by like 6 cops at the bottom of the mountain on the other side. Face-pinned to hood and screaming.
Bad Boys, Bad Boys whatcha goin' do...
Saw a guy yelling at another guy in traffic, the guy that was yelling continued to speed off and got pulled over by a under cover cop car on the side of the road.
Traffic karma is the best.
The School Bus
I was riding the bus to school once. As it is picking up kids some guy passes the bus while the bus's red lights are flashing. A cop literally turns the corner the second after and pulls him over.
Check Pease...
Watched an entitled angry man abuse and belittle his server to the point of tears. Then he hitched up his belt and looked pleased with himself as he swaggered off the restaurant deck, tripped on the stairs, and face planted in the sand on the beach. (This was a vacation in Fla.) My wife looked mortified as I laughed right out loud at the guy. He got up, saw everyone staring and at least one person openly laughing, and quickstepped off down the beach.
Mall Cop A Plea
I work at a movie theater. One afternoon I was selling tickets at the box office when an older lady came up and asked me a question about our app (it's a Cinemark app).
I, however, wasn't sure about the answer and told her that. She proceeded to say, very rudely, "isn't is your job to know??? Are you stupid or something?"
Then, she turned around and noticed the mall cop was writing her a ticket for parking in a handicap spot when she did not have a handicap plate or placard. She took off running screaming "wait stop! That's my car!"
I couldn't keep the huge grin off my face for the rest of the day.
If only you could have yelled: "You parked illegally. What are you stupid or something?"
...I should take on a customer service job in my spare time just to get fired.
Supersize Karma
One day a few years ago I was grabbing McDonalds near work to eat something last second before my shift. It was one of those two lane microphone deals. I blatantly finish ordering before the other lane before he stomps on the gas to cut me off.
His car breaks down right there, and I get to take my rightful turn in line.
Seriously though so many people don't understand how those drive thrus work. There's almost nothing to gain by cutting in front of someone that finished before you because the staff will have to switch around orders which probably will take as long as you would've waited behind the car you cut anyways.
Tech-NO
See, I work for a staffing agency. I'm a recruiter. Pretty small team and this was actually another recruiter on my team that this happened to.
My co-worker was working with this guy who was pretty sharp. He was a programmer. His company was doing layoffs but he was told he wouldn't be affected. My co-worker contacted him, chatted about the situation and he said he would be interested in looking around. We just had a new client give us a position to help on that fit his background. We lined up an interview pretty quickly, he interviewed and got the position! Great. It was even a little salary bump. Straight direct hire, no contract stuff. He goes in, works his first week. All is great, all smiles.
Well, that next Monday shows up and he isn't there. The company calls us asking where he is, so my co-worker calls him. He answers the phone and my co-worker asks "hey, is everything okay? You no call no showed today over at XYZ company." And the guy proceeds to tell us "Yeah, I never actually quit my job. I just took vacation for the week to see if I liked the place. It was okay but I'll just stay here." My co-worker responds "Man, is there anything I can do? This puts us in a tight spot, this is a brand new customer of ours, can I do anything" and the guy tells us "Quite frankly I don't give a sh!t what kind of position it puts you in nor do I care if they are a new customer. I'm staying, don't call me again." And hangs up the phone.
He got laid off the next week.
Cheaters Never Prevail
The washers and dryers in my apartment building are run through Bluetooth and an app you download on your phone. I figured out that if I put my phone on airplane mode while simultaneously pressing the start button on the machine, the washer would start but I wouldn't get charged. I was so proud, tried the same thing on the dryer and it worked. Went to get my clothes out of the dryer an hour later and everything was covered in melted Hershey kisses.
Transit Angels
I have a happier good karma story that happened to me a few months ago on vacation in San Francisco. Late at night after a potluck and drinks, my friend drove me to a BART metro station near her house and gave me directions to take the train back to my hotel.
I walked in, paid my fare, and went underground only to find out I'd just missed the last train. Fortunately my friend was awesome and gave me bus directions back, but there was another person who'd missed the same train, and he was in a far worse situation than mine. He was drunk, high, carrying massive bags of groceries and alcohol, and was trying to get back to Richmond, the way I came from and super far away. He also had no way to call an Uber.
Feeling bad, I offered to call him an Uber and he could pay me back what he could. He only had $3, but so be it, I wasn't going to turn him down. We chatted awhile until his ride came, he went off on his merry, inebriated way, and I went to catch my bus.
Except when I got on, I realized it was a MUNI bus, the other transit company, and so my BART fare wasn't transferable - I'd have to pay again. I realized I had no dollar bills left in my wallet. I spent it all on that useless fare. Panicking, I reached into my back pocket where I keep small change, well knowing I didn't have enough for the $2.50 fare. And that's when I felt the $3 that guy gave me. It was such a beautiful feeling. I think we were mutual guardian angels that night.
Karma's A Two Way Street
I liked going to the local fruit stand near my old job before work. It's a small family owned and run place. A little kid was working the register and accidently gave me back more than I gave them. I give back the money and correct the mistake, insisting it happens and to not worry about it, I'm not telling nobody.
The kid must have told her kin folk about two weeks later and I didn't pay for fruit for the next month until I got another job.
Karma works both ways!
You've been DCed!
In DC:
Guy sped right past me in the K Street tunnel towards Georgetown, cut me off, and then got rung up by a speed camera just seconds later.
He then proceeded to floor it after the first camera caught him and promptly got caught by the trick speed camera not even a half block further just before the light.
I'm not generally a fan of DC's speed cameras, but seeing his brake lights blast red after getting lit up by not just two, but four successive flash bulbs was gratifying. eganist
The BK Queue.
I was waiting in queue at Burger King. While i was looking at the menu board, a bunch of high school kids of some team sport cut my queue, it was like 15 of them and like they grouped up in a round and slowly went in front of me when i wasn't looking. I gave an annoyed look but just waited in line. A cashier open his counter and called for me and i got right in front of all of them even before the lady in charge of that sports team who was waiting on the other counter.EmotionalElevator4
Ha Ha to you....
Worked after school care for school age kids. There was this one kid who was pretty obnoxious and got under everyone's skin. One day I see him walk into the room just needling another kid. He ends his provoking with a Nelson from the Simpsons "ha ha," spins around, and face plants on the ground. The kid he was provoking gave him a "ha ha!" back and walked off. Obnoxious kid gets up, dusts himself off, and humbly slinks away and is pretty quiet for the rest of the day. TheMadTherapist
You can't handle the snow!
We were driving on a very icy 35mph-limit road, in a 4wd car, after one of the first big snowstorms of the winter. We're doing ~25mph, which is about as fast as we feel we can push it, given the ice sheet over everything since the snow melted to slush and re-froze overnight. We've been driving in snow/ice our whole lives, we know what'll work and what is risky, and conditions are BAD. All other traffic is basically moving at our speed or even slower.
A shiny new lifted red dodge pickup pulls up behind us, tailgating, revving his engine, etc. Basically everything is screaming "big man in his big truck doesn't need to be held up by some car that can't handle the snow!" We hit a straight section and give him an easy chance to pass us. He takes it, and quickly accelerates to~40 (which would be the typical speed for the road in the summer). About 400 feet beyond us, the road takes a moderate curve left. He tries to turn, but it's a solid sheet of ice - the truck just goes straight into a parked car and guardrail, right in-front of a dozen or so witnesses.
We coast past at ~25, making the turn without issue. His front end was pretty smashed up - maybe not totaled, but I'd be amazed if he could drive it to the shop. AngryT-Rex
Don't Fidget.
I hit my girlfriend in the forehead with a spinning fidget spinner. She chased me, I jumped on my bed, and my ceiling fan smacked the living hell out of me.
She was on the floor laughing for a solid 5 minutes. I am a firm believer in karma now... or maybe just idiocy on my part. insurance_novice
Speed Demon.
Was on a road trip last week. Guy in the left lane was slowly passing a truck so there were about 5 of us stacked up patiently waiting for the logjam to clear. Jerk in a Mercedes breaks ranks into the right lane, speeds ahead, and tries to cut in to save himself 3 car lengths of trouble. All cars band together to not let him in. He almost ran the car behind me off the road and nearly sideswiped him before taking his rightful place in the back.
Well he was pissed after that and was tailgating and in general driving like an JERK. He eventually sped off well over 100 mph. Saw him about 20 minutes later pulled over by a state trooper. Laughed my butt off as I passed Burke2010
Be Patient.
Helping my brother move out of his apt after grad school. In parking garage trying to reposition the car to load up the tv or something. Some girl wants to get past us so I start backing up, but she's crowding me, like inches from my bumper. Anyway, she gets past and we load up. As we leave the parking lot, she's in the middle of the street having T-boned someone. Felt bad for the poor person she hit. OneNineRed
Try Peace.
Stated dating a girl a few months back and her ex was being just a huge jerk to her, threatening to fight me if he saw me, trying to start rumors, etc...
Went out for drinks with the girlfriend and, of course, he shows up. Starts to get in my face at the bar and gets kicked out. Rushes the door guy to get back in and is carried out and banned from that bar for life.
Then I had another genius thought... What if I could do this at the bar next door? (It's a smallish town. There are really only two bars worth going to for night life, and they're right next door to each other.)
So, we go next door. He's waiting outside for me but there's the usual "don't do it bro!" Friends around him so I make it next door without having to fight. Of course he comes in, starts his act and actually tries to fight me this time. He gets pulled off by a few people and is also kicked out of that bar for at least a while.
Fight with your brain not your fists. emartinoo
Aim for the head!
A girl in school used to tease everyone and just be generally annoying. She was tossing this stress ball around and aimed it at this one kids head. Someone yelled "look out" at him and so he looked up, saw the ball coming at him, and put up his hands in self defense. It bounced off his arms and back at the girl and hit her right in the mouth. It was a soft squishy stress ball so it didn't hurt her, but we all openly laughed at her and her surprised expression so she sat down quietly from embarrassment. She still kept being annoying but she stopped throwing things at people's heads. breentee
The Rains will Come....
At a big sports tournament after a game and it's raining a bit - an aggressive driver can't be bothered with people rushing to their cars and almost runs over a kid, yells at people in his way and decides to weave around traffic to get out of the place quicker. There is a saw horse blocking the exit he is not supposed to go out. The rain is getting heavier. Everyone is watching this impatient person as he gets out his car to move the saw horse and bypass the traffic line and pedestrian traffic due to self entitlement. When he gets out to move the saw horse/barrier he closes his car door and locks himself out of the car with the car running. Downpour ensues. Instant Karma. FenwayAnfield
Water Drama.
I was waiting to put in at a boat ramp in Florida one day. It was a single ramp, the guy trying to take his boat out out of the water was having a tough time time backing his trailer down. His wife (I assume) and two kids were waiting on the dock.
Some guy waiting to get out of the water starts screaming at him and heckling him. The first guy finally gets his trailer down the ramp, meanwhile, raging jerk had docked his boat and started up the dock towards the poor boating newbie family guy screaming and yelling. Raging jerk punches family guy and knocks him off the dock into the water.
Two burly dudes that nobody was really paying attention to to walk up, literally grab raging jerk as family guy was falling in the water, throw him on the dock and handcuff him, then flashed their FL DNR badges. They were undercover watching the boat ramp.
There was applause and cheering from the folks waiting to put in and take out.
Family guy just wants to get out there and go home, so he declines to press charges. The DNR guys apparently thought "aw hell's no," proceed to tear the guys boat and car apart and ended charging him with a BUI and ever single nitpicky thing they could find wrong his boat. It was a good day. Dr_StrangeloveGA
Let me Watch....
When I was a broke college student the high schoolers down the street sideswiped my car so bad my front door wouldn't open all the way and the mirror was gone. Confronted them but couldn't prove it. Couldn't afford to fix it.
The next week they come screeching out of the neighborhood while I'm studying next to the second floor window. They crash headlong into a tree and total their car. I has a comfortable view as all four of them got out and the driver was sobbing his sorry butt shirtless on the pavement till his mom came and cussed him out loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. Jamonica
No Pizza for You!
A chick at a pizza place took money out of the tip jar to pay for her extra toppings. She did this after screaming at the poor person working that she couldn't believe it was an extra 50 cents for more cheese. On my way home I saw her getting arrested, not sure for what, but I'm sure she had it coming. blooodghoul
Ew. Just Ewww!
Guy spewed vomit all over the floor in the bathroom at a bar. As I left the bathroom, a big muscly guy in overalls (no undershirt) was coming in. I tried to get his attention and stop him, but he just shouldered me out of the way.
He slipped on said vomit and yelled as he fell. As he put his hand down to lift himself up, he yelled a much louder he realized the vomitus was all over himself. jlamer
The Cycle Crash....
My cousin parked her car on the street near my house. My neighbor came out and yelled about how that was her spot. My cousin simply moved her car rather than argue. A few hours later one of the children who live on our street ran into my neighbors car in that exact spot.
Edit: kid was riding a bike. Should have mentioned that. Doug625
Cheers....
I ran my husband's drunk girlfriend out of my house. She goes to the nearest gas station where they call the cops and she gets her second DUI. Mason3637
Told you so....
Was a lifeguard and kid (9-10 years old) kept running around on the pool deck. He clearly heard me several times yelling at him to walk, and he ignored me. Next time he ran, he slipped and fell flat on his butt and started crying. The only thing I said was "thats why I told you to walk" and his mom definitely gave me the evil eye. I didn't give a crap though, that's what you get for not following the rules! bttrflyr
You Gass....
Spend my last few dollars on a donut instead of using it to tip the person who filled my gas. Dropped my donut as I pulled out the gas station. AggravatingDirt
I dare you to sue....
I worked in a cell phone store years ago, lines were long and some woman's kid was running blast through the store, knocking over things and just being a general hellion.
I asked her to control her child several times, as he could easily get hurt doing what he was doing.
After about the third time she yells "don't you tell me how to raise my chil..." She never finished her sentence because the child ran head-first into a very heavy hanging sign and knocked himself out cold. The kid fell like a bag of potatoes, I mean like a sniper shot to the head kind of thing.
(The kid was alright, the mom threatened to sue us, I reminded her we had video and audio of me asking her to control her child three separate times as well as well as her swearing at me, never heard from her again). Dr_StrangeloveGA
Put the Foot Down!
At a concert my mom accidentally stepped on a lady's foot, and she said sorry multiple times, but the lady very drunk wouldn't let it go and started a fight with my mom. Very bad idea, my moms ex MMA. Straight knockout. My mom met that lady again a year ago at a event for her work, and apparently the lady stopped drinking from what happened that night, being told by her friends she wouldn't leave my mom alone even after countless times of apologizing. Maybe it was good karma? Armageddon-King
The Good Ole Juju....
Instant Karma isn't always a bad thing...
About 16 years ago. In my tiny Dodge Neon. I was at a red light and I have no reason why but I gave a homeless person all of the change in my ashtray. The light turned green, and I made my left turn and a few seconds later I was hit head on by a full size truck.
When they were loading my car on the tow truck, the driver asked "How's the driver," and I simply said "I'm fine" he was shocked at 1st, and then once he realized I wasn't kidding. He said he'd been towing for 20 years and never seen anyone survive this extreme of an accident... let alone be standing there talking to him while loading up the car.
Pretty sure I lived due to the good juju. socalfear
Off to the prom....
My boss gave me a six pack of beer for prom night and working extra hard for him. I didn't really drink and tried to refuse but he insisted. I put it in my car and figured I'd give it to a friend who drinks. Half way into my shift the owner of the restaurant comes in and fires me because he saw the beer, obviously stolen because I was underage, in my backseat. I look at the head chef and he just acts like he's mad too? The owner walks me out to my car and is asking why I would do that, I was a good worker for a year and a half or so.
So I just told him, yeah the head chef gave it to me I have no idea why he didn't just tell you. Owner walks back in and fired the head chef. This guy was a big douche so he went ballistic and the owners saw a side of him that the kitchen staff saw when it got really busy.
The owner's actions really affected me. I think that's the first time someone ever really took a stand for me. Especially over someone who was obviously making him more money. I will always remember that day. Then I went to prom and was just on high all night. StalkySpade
Karma Giveth!
I have a positive instant karma. Not sure that counts. But it's a good story
I took my three kids (5f, 5m, 7f) to a local carnival/feast. My wife had some girl brunch thing, didn't come. We parked kinda far so To get to the rides, we had to walk through the concert field where people were staking their spots for the show later. Tarps, etc.
A young mom and her young daughter walked past us quickly, the Mom holding chairs, tarps, etc and basically has her hands completely full. So, i catch up to her, ask her if she needs help and I take a couple of the bags from her.
We followed them to a spot they had, dropped their stuff, chatted for a minute, she thanked me and we walked off. Just as we left, my older daughter, 7, looks up at me and says "that was really nice dad." Very cute.
Right after she said that, a dad walking out of the feast handed/asked if I wanted some ride tickets they weren't going to use. So i took them and thanked him. Instantly, my daughter (same one) says to me "dad! That was karma! The tickets were karma for helping that lady" she was so right! Such a great dad moment. SuperDada
15 drinks in.....
Last week, my youngest daughter had her last day of preschool. Between my two girls, we've been associated with this school for almost 10 years. My wife and I wanted to do something nice for them so we offered to buy them Starbucks.
As I'm about to enter the Starbucks' parking lot, a guy runs a stop sign, narrowly missing me. He pulls in, I pull in next to him. I hurriedly scramble out of my car to beat him to the line.
It was fun listening to them call my name for all 15 drinks before that guy got his. BigRedRN
Keep Walking....
I remember once walking home from school, and this kid from my school rode up to me on his bike and started bullying me, trying to run me over and stuff like that.
Next thing, not looking where he was going the kid runs over a rock, falls off his bike and smashes himself on the concrete. He was laying there crying and asking for help and I just kept walking. I regret nothing. PMMEURINSIDES
Never Mock Me!
My boss got Instant Karma for mocking me!
I had a day off work and as I was making breakfast, I accidentally sliced my finger tip with a bread knife. I wrapped it up, and went to Urgent Care. It didn't need stitches but the doctor put a couple steri-strips on it and said not to use it for a day or two and stay off a keyboard.
I went into work the next morning, told my boss that I had to stay off a keyboard for a couple days so I had to do some other kind of customer service that didn't involve typing. She said no problem.
As I walked out of the room I remembered I had to tell her something else and as I was walking back in, I heard her mocking my injury. Just as she finished, she accidentally slammed the door of the one ton safe on her hand. I laughed and said Karma's a b. She said yeah, I kind of deserved that.
She didn't break it but she couldn't use it so she had to call another supervisor to come in for the day so she could get it checked out. When the gauze came off my finger a couple days later and saw the strips holding it together she admitted that it did look kinda bad and she shouldn't have made fun. I accepted and brushed the incident off. thompson1041
The Cart lady.
I work in the parking lot as a cart pusher. One lady pushed the cart to the side and got in her car to back up, but the cart (since not in a corral) rolled back behind her car and she backed into it pretty hard. Me and my coworkers laughed our butts off. 864367966422
I like your bus!
Dude tearing up the street, ducking off the road onto the shoulder to pass whenever someone wasn't going fast enough for him (which was everyone.) Road was a generous 70km and he was pushing at least 120 at times. Residential area too.
Half a km up the road there was cloud of smoke. Get there and it's them, ute totaled with the engine pancake flat. A bus had been taking a wide turn using both lanes and he obviously was going too fast to register and tried to race up the side as it turned. It has been PUSHED onto the opposite side of the road. Not a small bus... a school bus. HelloFoxie
Leaving a Mark...
I was making fun of my sister in law for not being able to open the baby gate, I opened it still making fun of her, went to walk through it and my hip caught it, forcing it closed with me in it. I have a MASSIVE very painful bruise on my hip now. Morrdsith
Merry we roll along...
I live right between two cop jurisdictions. At the top of a hill is one and at the bottom is the other. I do NOT mess around on that hill as usually one is at the top and bottom. Headed to work one day and some little BMW starts flashing me and passes. Sure enough, he is pulled over down the road and i go on my merry way. Brailledit
We all have pain....
That would be myself. My husband (then boyfriend) was carrying our dog's freshly filled water bowl from the kitchen sink to the feeding mat. The dog ran right into him and the water spilled all over the floor. I laughed my butt off. In the 2 minutes it took him to find the mop, I forgot the water was on the floor and slipped as I walked right through it to get to the dryer. I fell hard on to the granite tile. I had a broken arm, had a mild concussion, and received 8 stitches on the side of my head. Reddit
Kick Hard!
When I was a kid I went horse riding at a holiday centre.
These parents insisted their kid go on the biggest horse as apparently the family had "owned horses for years and their kid was the best rider."
Dad of the family walks right behind a horse with a brand new video camera in a camera bag.
Horse kicks the camera, breaking it beyond repair. Amyisnotinsane
What I had done!
I got called to help some civilians during an exercise we we're having at my base. I went out and they explained what they needed and asked me to help them. I was able to set them up with several pieces of equipment and taught them how to properly operate it all. After the exercise was over and everyone had gone home I get called by my flight chief saying that I need to show up at the commanders office the next day in my dress uniform. Usually if you have to show up in blues to the commander's office you are getting some high level punishment. So I show up the next day sweat dripping down my head as I try to ponder why I've been called in, as I'm sitting in the waiting area, my flight chief shows up and tells me to get ready to speak to the commander about "what I had done."
I am freaking out as I walk in to see the colonel. Out of the corner of my eye I see the civilian I had worked with earlier in the exercise sitting with a giant smile on his face as I entered the office. Turns out he was great friends with my commander and had greatly appreciated everything I had done to help them. He and the commander both presented me with a coin and when everything was said and done the civilian walked out of the office with me and gave me a $40 gift card to the BX. kirtok1337
There are humane ways to tell someone to go home after a... liaison.
How can one be so rude after being so intimate?
I'm not saying you have to snuggle and profess love, but damn, a quick... "thanks, I hope life is kind to you" goes a long way.
Redditor sumyungdood wanted to hear the tea about the times they had to tell a lover to take a hike. They asked:
"What is the worst way someones asked you to leave after sex?"
Tell me your worst. Mine our stories where I had find my clothes in the dark and sneak out naked.
Don't ask...
A Late Run
"Asked if he could drive my car to the gas station to buy cigarettes and when he came back he told me he left my keys in the car and it was running."
TopOcelot13
Beefed
"An old friend invited me over for her famous beef stew. I got there, we fool around, had sex, then right after she handed me a tupperware of the stew and said 'you got sex and stew, now please leave.' Still not sure if that's the worst way I was kicked out or the best."
TheRockMan31
"Most of the people here didn’t get stew. You did okay!"
livesarah
'is it that obvious'
"Went home with a girl from the bar. After we had sex, she said something like 'soooo... think you can get an Uber now? If not, I GUESS you can sleep on the couch for a few hours.' Here I was, sitting on some random girl's couch trying to find an Uber at 4 AM. Mercifully I did find one and when the guy picked me up he said 'so, your hookup kick you out?' I said 'is it that obvious' and he replied 'you weren't the first one I drove back to their car tonight and you probably won't be the last.'"
apocalypticradish
Yummy
"Go grab some Taco Bell. You can eat it on your way home. Honestly it was better than the sex. And I don't even like Taco Bell that much."
Nobody_Wins_13
I hate Taco Bell. And since reading this... I hate people.
Mrs. Robinson?
"She lit a cigarette, then looked at me for like 20 seconds, and said 'Well, bye.' I just got dressed and left. Never saw her again."
Rhalellan
And you are?
"While dozing off, he gently tapped my shoulder, and said: 'Maribel, you can’t stay here.'"
"My name is not Maribel."
tikkichik21
"See this is what happens when you don’t let people talk about Bruno."
Brendanlendan
Go
"He got off me and started looking at pictures of other women on Instagram, and commenting on how much more attractive they were than me and told me 'oh yeah you can go now.' We were best friends for like two years up until that moment."
Caramel_Cappucino
"I’m open minded but this is exactly why I often don’t trust male friendships. You could even be a lesbian and one moment of vulnerability they may take advantage of that. I know it’s unrelated but your experience made me upset and I’m sorry you had to go through that."
L8NiGHTFLiGHT
second time...
"He rolled over, grabbed his phone, and without even looking at me said 'find your clothes, you know where the door is' and just laid there on his phone ignoring me while I gathered my clothes and left. He tried texting me a few days later because he was drunk and horny so I told him 'you know where your hand is' and blocked him."
olivinemultichrome
Gross
"We were good friends for a few years before hooking up after a night of drinking."
"Halfway through sex he told me he can't actually do this because he wanted to get back with his ex and can't mess it up because she's the hottest girl he'll ever be with. He lived in the middle of nowhere and I couldn't leave until the morning so he made me sleep on the couch."
barontayto
Wow. Some people are truly disgusting. How do you treat other humans this way?
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Most couples are inseparable and enjoy doing everything together, thanks in part to shared mutual interests.
But on occasion, some people in relationships go off in pursuit of one-sided pleasures in secret for various reasons.
These can range from going out to a vegan restaurant when the other person is a carnivore to seeing a Netflix show that is too violent for a squeamish significant other.
Because not every significant other may not share the same passion, Redditors TheTinRam asked:
"What’s a guilty pleasure you hide from your significant other?"

These Redditors needed some "me time."
Dad Time
"Everytime I go on a late night grocery run (once or twice a month) because I work nights, and my wife forgot to grab whatever, I add a $0.70 Mexican soda to the cart. It is just for me. It is something my dad used to get me on especially long days when I was a kid 'helping' him on jobsites. It is my tiny reminder of him."
– thecountnotthesaint
Story For No One
"I write stories for years now, some of the times she thinks I'm working on the computer but I'm actually writing a story. There is nothing to hide but I just keep it to myself, none of my family members know I write stories. Till today I have written 56 stories (most of them are short)."
– SuvenPan
In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning
"Staying up late for peace and quiet."
– Blue_OG_46
Chatting For One
"I talk to myself all the time, I was actually wondering last night if it was a really weird thing to do lol"
– hottytoddy_sko
Naked And Sacred
"I will cruise the house butt naked and just do whatever the hell I want. About once a month. I won’t be able to this summer because the kids will be back in school, but come August, I’ll be naked and free again!"
– batchofbetterbutter
Some people need to get out of the house.
Self Therapy
"Sometimes I take the long way home and talk to myself in the car about my 'problems' - like Self Therapy. I put one earbud in so ppl think I could be on the phone."
"I get quite animated. It helps to get a stressful day out of my system before I get home and switch gears."
– Humble-Plankton2217
Solo Slice
"My husband has gluten sensitivity. If he eats regular pizza, his stomach hurts for a couple of days after."
"Well, I don't, so sometimes I say I'm going for a run, and I do run.... to the pizza store, eat a slice, and run back."
– sohumsahm
Catching Up With The Boys
"Covid has messed it up for a bit now. But every 3 or so months the boys and I all get up like we are going to work at our respective jobs but instead all call in sick and meet for breakfast, then go back to our one buddies place for the day to hangout. Around 4 or 5 one by one we all head home for our normal arrival time."
"It's literally the only way for us all to get together reliably. Most of us have known each other for the better part of 30 years now, going way back to junior kindergarten for some."
"Twice I have let her know my plan for the day and twice I have gotten phone calls to come home early for what ever not some emergency. So now we do it secretly."
– foh242
Some of the things people do behind their SO's backs is for endearing reasons.
Smooch Ploy
"I don’t know if this is a guilty pleasure necessarily but I pretend to be asleep when he comes home from work because he always kisses me on the forehead."
– str8outofabook
Catching Zzzs
"I love when she snores."
"She complains (only lightly) about my snoring all the time, and I always feel awful that I make it tricky for her to get a good night's sleep. When she's snoring, I know she's actually going to rest well, and it makes me happy."
– ricdesi
Scent Of A Man
"Smelling his clothes. Not creepily, like his boxers. But when he lets me borrow a shirt or a sweater I’ll put it on and just revel in the smell of him on his clothes. If I recall correctly, it definitely wasn’t like this when we first started dating. It’s been over two years now and I only remember doing this around the 7 month mark. He smells really, really good."
– he-whoeatsbugs
The Forever Admirer
"I have a whole album of 'unflattering' pictures of her. Not really something I hide, but they make me happy. She’s so silly yet so beautiful."
– Dewahll
They say that a couple that plays together, stays together.
That's all well and good. However, a significant other having some alone time should never be stigmatized.
My husband and I usually watch every TV show together, but I watch Netflix's Ozark by myself because I enjoy intense dramas, immensely.
It's not a secret. And he's glad I watch the shows that I want to watch on my own time–just like I encourage him to watch all those UFO documentaries that he's obsessed with, by himself.
No really, watch them without me.
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"Do you know who I am?"
A question which often comes from an exasperated individual, who believes they are entitled to VIP treatment everywhere they go.
Occasionally, these people are indeed household names whom most everyone would likely recognize.
More often than not, however, people might need some reminding as to how or why said individual should be recognized.
Each and every time, though, the arrogant question is never justified, and is often greeted with an appropriate response.
Redditor brotherbrother99 was eager to know the best clap backs to this notorious question, leading them to ask:
"What is the best response to "'Do you know who I am?'"
That's starting to get old.
"I bet you use that line a lot."- michaelochurch.
Right back atcha!
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"
"I AM!"- itskavia.
You tell me.
"No, who do you think you are?"- Random_puns.
I'll have to ask someone else.
“'Hey Brian, I’ve got a guy here who doesn’t know who he is!'"
"'Do you know who he might be?'”- llovejoy1234.
I'll take a guess
"Ronnie Pickering."- Shadow_0852.
I'm getting a sense...
"I know who you think you are."- automoth.
I'll help you figure it out.
"My husband was working in construction."
"A guy came onto the job site giving the workers a hard time about something or other."
"When he started yelling at my husband for whatever, my husband basically ignored him."
"The guy goes, 'do you know who I am?'”
"My husband yelled across the site to his foreman, 'Joe! Call an ambulance, this guy doesn’t know who he is!'”- Littlepaintbrush0814.
Gotcha!
"Yes, and I've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty."- ShadyMyLady.
Rightfully put in their place.
"There is the old joke about the British Prime Minister eating out during the war time and asking for extra butter with his bread, the waiter refused to which the PM, rather annoyed, asked "'do you know who I am?'"
"To which the waiter replied, 'yes, I do, but rather importantly you have forgot who I am, I am the man who responsible for the rations of the butter'."- ScholarImpossible121
Of course, when people do dare to ask "do you know who I am", they never realize that the people they ask this immediately discover the answer.
Which is someone absolutely no one wants to be around.
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Moviegoers go to the cinema to be transported and forget–even for about two hours–about either the mundanity of their everyday lives or the stress of problematic situations.
But if there's one thing cinephiles roll their eyes at while watching a movie, it's the predictable plot twist or a typical scenario often depicted in films that lack imagination.
Curious to hear examples, Redditor cnukles1 asked:
"What's a movie trope you are sick and tired of?"

Hollywood tends to glorify and dramatize violence almost comically.
Brief Inconvenience
"When someone is stabbed/shot, limps around in pain for 30 seconds, then continues on as if nothing happened."
– FioreFalinesti
Instant Death
"On the flipside, it drives me nuts when bad guys get shot in the torso and drop dead immediately. They'd realistically have at least a few seconds if not minutes of consciousness."
– itguy1991
Smooth Recovery
"People being knocked out for hours and no brain damage."
– TankApprehensive3571
That doesn't happen in real life.
Atypical Casting
"The broke 'Single Mom' who looks like she could model for Victoria's Secret. On the flip side, male gangsters, drug dealers or prisoners who look like they could win a state bodybuilding championship."
– Johhnymaddog316
Unnecessary Extravagance
"Or same broke single mom with an awesome house and perfect clothes/hair. Can't they ever just dress like normal people and living in normal homes?"
– Expensive_Structure2
Disarming Explosives
"Bombs with helpful color-coded wires."
– SuvenPan
Inconvenient Birth
"There's a pregnant woman and she goes into labor right at the worst possible time. For drama of course."
– RogueKatt
When actions depicted on the screen are not plausible.
The Struggle Is Real
"Just once I'd like to see somebody struggle to find parking in Los Angeles."
– stupidlyugly
The Structure Of Romance
"You're a jerk and I have no interest in you despite the fact that you are incredibly handsome, charming, and funny. We have to work together to save the world but make no mistake about it, I can't stand you. Let's just get this over with so I never have to see you again."
"Whoops, we f'ked. I guess we're in love now."
– DickySchmidt33
Love Connections
"Every disaster movie, the love interest always works at a hospital."
– Terrible-Ad-4879
Let's Communicate Better
"When a simple conversation could have entirely solved the central conflict of the movie."
– Katarassein
If everything happened on screen the way it does in real life, would it diminish your moviegoing experience?
Some people just like watching characters make believable choices. But if that's the case, you may as well go outside and film your own movie.
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