Oh America, please think before you speak. Sometimes I wonder why God gave us voices.
I understand curiosity about foreign lands, but more often than we realize we're being rude with our questions, even with a jovial mindset and good intention.
We can't just throw out whatever pops into my head. And honestly, some things are best to simply google.
Also, perhaps we should wonder what we'd rather not be asked about our land and culture and apply it.
Redditor u/esq__ wanted hear from people who have been surprised by American inquiries by asking:
Non-Americans of Reddit, what's the weirdest thing an American has said to you?
I am never shocked by the tone deafness of others, especially Americans. I worked in hospitality in NYC, an international hotbed, and the things I've heard people ask others, with a straight face... makes me laugh.
Ancient
Giphy
"A middle aged American was surprised to find out Venice was so old (and an actual city for centuries), and not built in the 20th century for tourist purposes."
- gingerPB
Jolly Fools
"Englishman, living in the US for 15 years now. I've been asked a lot of bizarre things but one of the best was someone who asked what language we speak in England, and how long it took me to learn English when I moved here. They gave me a confused, rambling mess."
"They thought all the English speakers had come to found America and left behind the masses of other people who spoke European. Which, to them, was why America wanted independence, to not be ruled by Foreigners who didn't even speak properly."
Welcome to Sweden
"When I visited a friend in the US they told me about this amazing furniture shop they had there called IKEA. I'm Swedish."
"Why are there so many Americans who don't know Ikea is Swedish? I'm American and am disappointed that I've seen like three or more comments about Americans who don't know Ikea is Swedish. The store is literally yellow and blue and they have at least a couple Swedish flags around the store, also all the products are in Swedish."
"They don't have Guinness there"
"I'm British, was travelling in the states. Got talking to a guy at a bar while we're waiting for service, and he recommended I try a pint of Guinness while in the US. He informed me they don't sell Guinness in the UK. I politely explained that they do indeed have Guinness in just about every pub in the UK."
"He disagreed, adding that he's never been himself but his son in law went to London on business and told him so. I explained I'd lived in the UK including London my whole life. He looked at me lost in thought for a few moments, and said: "They don't have Guinness there," and walked away."
And Youda?
Happy Life Is Good GIF by CANAL+
Giphy
"I once had an American tell me I need to try the "real" Gouda cheese they have in the US because everything else was fake Gouda… I'm Dutch and actually lived near Gouda."
We really should be walking around with body cams. This way when we go to rest each night we can review our behaviors. And learn and adjust accordingly. I hope y'all are taking notes.
Oh Lady
Canada Conan Obrien GIF by Team Coco
Giphy
"Wow you speak American very well for a foreigner." Thanks lady, I'm Canadian and "American" is the only language I know!"
Once in a Lifetime
"An Austrian friend and I were told about about this magical thing they have in America called Fireworks and how we should go see it at least once in our lives."
A lot of countries have centralized fireworks, in the Netherlands a lot of households buy their own and set them off. If you're looking out over a city/town from a bit of height, you just see fireworks everywhere."
"In 2019 Dutch people spent 77 million euros on fireworks for new years eve. (Last year fireworks were forbidden to avoid casualties putting even more pressure on hospitals because corona.) That said, more and more people want to restrict fireworks because it causes a lot of injuries and property damage."
Parents Explain Why They Regret The Name They Gave Their Child | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
What about... Lyft?
"Why do you brits (I'm not British) call an elevator a lift when it goes both up and down?"
"I responded that Americans didn't call an elevator a descendevator when it moves down."
"Do you know where the word elevator comes from? The word elevate which means "to raise or lift something to a higher position." It's literally called a lift for nearly the same reason it is called an elevator."
Excuse me?
In my teens, a friend and I (both males) had met an American girl while visiting the US side of Niagara from Canada. After some small talk, she asked "What kind of jobs do you have?" I responded "I work part-time at Sportchek." For context, Sportchek is a Canadian sports goods and apparel store and as a teen."
"I had no idea it was Canadian only. After explaining to her what Sportchek was, she responded with "Cool, do you guys have Dick's?" For further context, Dick's is an American Sports and apparel store and at the time, I had no idea. I thought she was asking about my penis."
- tranv
Stop talking...
Reaction GIF
Giphy
"The typical stuff. Do you have cars trees/dogs/in Germany. Another favorite: Is Hitler still alive?"
2 American ladies...
"I was in a bar in Colorado and I had 2 guys call me a liar when I said we don't have bears in Australia.
Also when I was in England 2 American ladies on a day tour to Stonehenge got stroppy when they couldn't use USD in a shop and then told the tour guide that he didn't sound English because his accent 'wasn't English'. He proceeded to explain and perform all of the various accents from different regions of the UK. It was quite incredible."
- lkm81
Being 7
"Canadian here. I was 7 and in Florida telling my new also 7 year old friend about our money system. I told her we don't have dollar or two dollar bills they are coins and called a loonie and a toonie. She goes and asks her parents and they told her I was lying."
The Thames
Frustrated Skip Bayless GIF
Giphy
"An American asked me if he needed a passport to cross the river Thames as he thought it was the English Channel and that south London was France."
oh no, honey...
"A friend was dating an American, and a bunch of us went out for a pub meal (UK). Now, there's a stereotype that Americans can be a little loud. And, unfortunately, this was the case with this girl. Literally everyone in the pub was giving her side-eye, but no one says anything because that would be rude. My friend very subtly tries to make her aware of the noise level, and she talk-yells, "oh no, honey. I'm not loud. All y'all are just too quiet! Such a quaint little country, y'all need to use your outdoor voices!" We were quite clearly inside."
In the South
"I live in the southern hemisphere. Talking to an American online in December, and I mentioned it was summer for me. She kept asking which month I was in (kept insisting it must be June) and couldn't seem to wrap her head around the idea that it was simultaneously December and summer in the southern hemisphere."
????
Ummm...
media1.giphy.com
"Ah, you're from Denmark. Where in Canada is that again?"
Let's Chat
"You speak real good English for a foreigner" - I'm British and she knew that.
"Edit: because a lot of people seem to think that no American could ever say this and mean it: it was a lovely, sweet, older woman who thought she was paying me a genuine compliment. We sat and chatted in her garden for about an hour as she plied me with her homemade lemonade and asked me about my life and what brought me to Washington State. I thanked her, because she was saying something lovely (albeit weird), and we continued chatting."
Inches
"So an American lady who stayed in my apartment building asked to borrow my picnic basket and wanted the measurements. I gave it to her in cm and she asked for it in normal standard units. I gave it in inches and explained that normal units are cm."
"Her response was "no trust me everyone uses inches, only the English use cm because they need to be different. American inches, feet and miles is pretty much the way to go everywhere else." I then sent her the link to the invention of the BRITISH imperial system and how only 3 countries use it. She blocked me."
- Reeeaz
This Land
Captain America GIF
Giphy
"I met an American tourist who was adamant that my country was a home ruled territory under the US government. He said this during our nations independence day."
France
"Poking fun at me with France stereotypes. I'm not from France, my parents are not from France, and I've never been to France. My first language is French, that's enough for Americans to treat me like I'm from France."
When in doubt, don't speak. Also, leave strangers alone unless you're just going to dish out compliments. This is why we have a bad wrap about being friendly.
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I can tell you from experience that airplanes are not a good idea. Don't ask me how I know. A lady never kisses and tells, but highlights are ok. There will never be enough room and the movies are lying.
Like Glue...
Melissa Mccarthy Falling GIFGiphy"I lived in Australia for a bit and our studio had this black pleather couch. It looked exactly like that casting couch meme so we tried it for fun once. My ex sweats a lot even when it's not 40C out, but it was and we stuck to the couch like glue."
The Sting
"On a hike in a wildlife refuge. We went off the trail to a more remote area. Was all fun and games tell I got stung on the penis. Was after the event had ended when I was briefly exposed, the little moron went right at me. We joke about it regularly, I'd say it comes up monthly. Just out of the blue she will say "hey remember when you got stung on your penis?" Yes, I remember and will never forget."
Up a Tree
"A "treehouse" that was actually a plywood shack on 6' stilts. It was pretty old and the plywood was splintery, so he laid down an old towel for me (you know, like a gentleman.) Also it was too small for me to fit in any direction, so my head stuck out the door. I stared at the sky and just... And that's the story of how I lost my virginity! A close second would be the bed in his semi-abandoned house full of the semi-abandoned hoarded belongings of his mother. But that's a different story."
Walk Away...
"Met a girl online and we tried to do it at the park. A cop showed up before we started and told us we had to leave. We went back to our cars which was at a small shopping mall. We went behind the shopping mall and got it on behind a dumpster. It worked out well so we met up there again a week later. Except that time, as we were walking away, a dump truck picked the dumpster to empty the trash. Was hilarious at the time but frightening looking back on it. This was about 10 years ago."
Keyed Off
Piano Performing GIFGiphy"I don't recommend on top of a piano. Very uncomfortable and not at all the experience we envisioned."
Scratchy...
Screaming The Voice GIF by NBCGiphy"Bottom of cliff next to the ocean. Turns out I have an allergic reaction to coral and my back was scratched the hell up from it. It was windy, wet, and itchy. Runner up is a movie theatre."
Smoked
"In a literal smoke house... lost my virginity with about 50 rings of deer sausage hanging around to dry. My friend and his dad were gone and we were like "this seems like a great place!" At least when I went home I smelled like venison instead of sex."
"Well, if you find yourself stuck in a rut, it'll be something to fawn over."
Hey Fam...
"I'm not sure if this counts because we didn't get very far. But In a Burger King parking lot… He had a car, so we would park it someplace and hook up in the tiny little two-seater. I was sitting astride him and most of my clothes were off when he froze. I looked over my shoulder and the once abandoned parking lot was abandoned no more. A family of four were just staring at us through the windshield. We didn't know what to do so I just put my shirt back on and we drove away."
"we can hear everything"
"My childhood house had an enclosed porch that was level with my parents' bedroom window (it's hard to explain). You couldn't see into the porch from the window, but if the porch windows were open and the bedroom windows were open you could hear everything from either room."
"So my now husband and I were trying to have sex in that porch, having opened the windows cuz it was hot AH. My parents usually never opened their window and it was past ten, when they usually went to sleep. We weren't trying to be loud, but apparently we were."
"After we were done, I checked my phone and I had 5 missed calls and a text from my mother saying "we can hear everything" and "please at least use a condom". We didn't acknowledge it at the time but my mom got drunk a few years ago and told my aunt the story and said she was worried she was hearing the conception of her grandchild."
Ivy!
jerry seinfeld help GIF by HULUGiphy"After a drunken night on 6th st in Austin, girl and I were walking down red river st, she drags me in this bushy grassy area, we go at it, finish, call an Uber to west campus, continue going at it. The next day, we are super itchy, come to find later it was poison ivy, got it all over our genitals. Fun times. 10/10 would do it again though."
Also, be careful when and if you do it on a bus. You're never fully out of the driver's line of sight. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Be careful out there but have fun.
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Redditor Pooky135790 wanted to know:
"What are the best adult jokes that are hidden in kids movies?"
These scenes really had us rolling.
Shrek definitely has a few innuendos.
"In Shrek talking about Snow White:"
"'Although she lives with 7 other men, she's not easy.'"
"Gets me every time!"
- Sregge
"The whole Duloc opening scene with the singing puppets. 'Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your…….face.'"
"Also in Shrek: when they get to Farquuad's castle, they note the large size of it, and Shrek asks if Farquuad is compensating for something."
"This joke is great because everyone can laugh at it."
"Kids will think it's a joke about his height."
"Adults will think it's a joke about his other kind of height."
Lord Farquaad Ok GIF by PeacockTVGiphyCars had plenty of jokes.
"In Cars when the two Miata ladies flash their pop-ups at McQueen"
"I didn't realize for years that that was the connotation."
"Look at that scene again and look at the photographers behind Mia."
"It took me a second but I think the one directly in the middle is zooming in on their posteriors lmfao."
- -Paint
lightning mcqueen car GIF by Disney PixarGiphy"Also the Piston Cup. 'He did what in his cup?!' Funny enough 10 year old me got that and my dad didn't."
"Also in Cars, when Mack is driving down the highway and wants to pull over into a truck stop to rest, the sign at the truck stop says 'Top Down Truck Stop, All Convertible Waitresses.'"
Robots had it's fair share of moments.
"In Robots the [father of the] main character and his wife get the parts for their robot child and exclaim, 'Making the baby's the fun part!'"
"Also the old lady bot, Aunt Fanny, has a lot of junk in her trunk."
Oh, Ratatouille.
"There is that one scene from Ratatouille, when Linguini is about to confess about how Remy is in his hat cooking for him, and says 'I... have... a little... tiny...' and right after he says tiny, Collette quickly glances down at his pants. I never even noticed it until someone pointed it out to me because it is pretty subtle and can be easy to miss."
"Seriously the best dick joke in a kid's movie."
"That and the time when the short lil chef guy catches linguini in the pantry and says, 'One can become to familiar with vegetables, you know!'"
ratatouille flirting GIF by Disney PixarGiphyCoco really went there!
"In Coco, everybody laughs when they say Hector died 'choking on chorizo.'"
"'Choking on chorizo' is Mexican slang for sucking d*ck."
"I mean the song Hector sings to his dying friend has the implied, but not spoken, lyrics: 'And her tits they drag on the floor...' (he says 'knuckles' but the guy shouts, 'those aren't the words!')."
- TerH2
What a forgotten gem Monster House was.
"Monster House."
"'That's it's uvula!' 'Oh.... So it's a girl house....'"
"Rick and Morty gets a lot of hate around here because of the sh*tty fan base, but Dan Harmon is a genuinely funny writer."
"Could not BELIEVE Dan Harmon was a writer on this 'til I googled Monster House; your point is a good one lol."
Even in Frozen.
"'Foot size doesn't matter' - when Anna from Frozen talks about her fiancé."
"Frozen 2, 'I like you better in leather anyway' when Kristoff dresses up for Anna at the end."
"My boyfriend and roommate and I all watched it and all three of us spat our drinks at that and we all did the 'Did we just hear what we think we heard?' look. Then we laughed for like 10 solid minutes."
Not a movie, but still good.
"There was an episode of Dexter's laboratory where the father kept going on about Dexter's mother's muffin, and saying he only married her for her muffin. The whole episode was filled with innuendo."
"'Your father is a muffin fiend, a muff-o-maniac, just the aroma can make him crazy.' Lol. Had to see it for myself."
"Season 2 ep 18 The Muffin King."
"There was the episode about DeeDee and Dexter having decoder rings! DeeDee says Dexter's club is for big 'I-D-K-S-C' Dexter decodes it, gasps, and says he's gonna tell mom. Lol."
Whispering French GIFGiphyChildren's shows may be for kids entertainment, but they're created by adults. No doubt they're going to slip in a few naughty jokes here and there.
Time to re-watch some old favorites and see what we missed when we were younger.
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