Love takes work, time and a whole lot of patience. They never tell you about that part. That should really be added to the fairytales.
Every love story should have a strong epilogue written in, and in each epilogue is where we should be learning about the pitfalls, mistakes and all out war concerning relations that proceed... "I Do."
Single people need warnings about certain behaviors to watch out for, from our partners and ourselves. Marriage isn't easy, but it can last forever with enough effort.
Redditoru/New_Presentation5105asked for some relationship advice from all the lovebirds out there, by asking:
Married people of reddit , what something you wish unmarried people knew?
Love and marriage, what a combo. I ask all the time... what are the secrets? How do make love endure? I need to be ready. Should I ever live long enough to love.
Rules
Reese Witherspoon Mom GIF by HULUGiphy"Only the couple sets the rules of what their marriage is, not your mother, not your friends, not tv... just you. That actually applies to all relationships."
Alone Again
"Getting married doesn't mean that you're never going to feel lonely again."
"Feeling lonely doesn't necessarily mean because of issues with your partner. They can't be your only source of companionship. A lot of people have this misconception though, so glad you shared it."
"Yeah that's what I was trying to say. People still need friendships and other relationships outside of just with their spouse. They can't take care of every emotional need you have. I've known many people who ignore those outside relationships when they get married and later regret it."
Life Changes
"My marriage was stretched the absolute thinnest when we welcomed both our kids - take a complete life change, add in lack of sleep, hormones, an upended schedule and a million other things and it will strain even the strongest relationship. Because we were good going into it, we were even better coming out."
"If you have any kind of cracks in your relationship, bringing a newborn into it will quickly make them chasms. I have to laugh when people say they'll have a baby to "save the relationship" because I can't think of a faster way to end a floundering relationship than to bring a baby into it!"
My Poor Sister
"My sister's marriage. Her MIL had a ridiculous amount of control over things and her husband didn't want to be in the middle so he would plug his ears and walk away. When my sister finally told her MIL that what she was doing was disrupting and causing problems in her (my sister) family, the MIL sat there dumbfounded and asked "why would any of this upset your brothers and sisters?"
"She just could not grasp the fact that my sisters family was her husband and kids and rolled her eyes when she was told that. Since her husband never stood up, and in some cases would actively back his mom because he didn't want to upset her, it eventually drove them apart. Now they never talk unless they have to and the kids are all but estranged from their dad and grandparents."
Unsolved...
Nbc Marriage GIF by This Is UsGiphy"Getting married WILL NOT help solve any issues in your relationship."
So far that is sound advice. And it all sounds pretty basic. So why do so many marrieds make it such an arduous task? This is starting to sound like lessons in keeping it simple.
Like Count
Schitts Creek Yes GIF by CBCGiphy"Liking your partner is just as important if not more than loving them."
People Share The Most Selfless Thing They've Ever Secretly Done | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Take Care
"Being married 20 years, I'm guilty of it sometimes too, but being in a long term relationship like that just makes you an expert on your own relationship. Not on relationships in general. We can sometimes forget that, just because it works well in our own life, doesn't mean it will work for others."
"When you're a young couple, dozens of older couples are going to tell you what works for them. The best thing to do is understand that it's coming from a place of caring, and some will be good advice, but you've got to just find what works for you."
"check with my husband"
"Talk to your partner before you make decisions. I can't even tell you how much crap I get from my single friends when I tell them I'll "check with my husband" before agreeing to do something. Usually it's just to make sure we don't have something else going on that I forgot about, or maybe he wanted to do something and I haven't brought it up."
"It's not asking permission, it's being conscientious of your partner. It's especially true if you have kids. No, I don't ask my husband to "babysit", but it would be pretty sh*tty for me to just say "oh hey, I'm going out tonight. Have fun with a couple toddlers by yourself and with no notice!" And he treats me with the same respect."
- IAmZot
Sleep on it...
"When we first married, an older person told us to never go to bed angry. We dutifully followed that advice for a few years. But a couple of years into our marriage, we were up still arguing about something at 2 AM. Finally we just went to bed angry after agreeing to discuss the problem in the morning. By the next morning we both realized we'd both just been tired. Well-rested the next day the problem just didn't seem as big a deal. For us at least… sometimes we just need to sleep on it."
Things to do...
mountain GIFGiphy"Have things you enjoy doing with your spouse that don't involve sex. The most stable marriages are ones where you and your spouse could be friends if you weren't married. Goes for dating too, IMO."
"butterflies in your stomach"
"I like my husband the most out of all the people I know. Even if I didn't have romantic feelings for him, I'd want to be friends with him because he's the freaking coolest. Like if I never knew him, and tomorrow I met an eighty year old man with his same personality, I would wanna hang out with that old man. We've been together for more than a decade, and while the "butterflies in your stomach" feeling comes and goes, there's always a baseline level of like that makes spending time with him worthwhile."
Maintain
"You still need to maintain the things that made you, you before marriage. My wife and I have very different tastes in a lot of things and we never pretend to like it for the sake of the other person but also will not actively discourage those tastes either. I like hardcore and punk music. My wife likes bubblegum pop country."
"She thinks I listen to just noise and I think most of her stuff is shallow mass produced garbage but we agree to disagree and understand different flavors. Our friends are into different activities and we understand sometimes you gotta go have fun with those other people in your life and have some you time."
Travel
Driving Road Trip GIF by The WigglesGiphy"Go on a road trip together. Travel together before marriage. Close quarters and tough situations will give you insights into who that other person is."
Slow Down
"Do not rush into marriage, and make sure you have multiple serious talks about everything (few examples: religion, family, friends, goals for near future, goals for future, plan for kids, lifestyle, housing, retirement). The reason I say multiple talks is because people grow or change the longer they are with each other."
- Jim105
Make a List
- "Talk about whether you want kids before things get serious.
- Finances are something you manage together. It isn't something you cede to one spouse for whatever reason. I say this as someone who had to teach my dad how to use an ATM and the online banking site after my mom died.
- It's your relationship. It's something that belongs to you two. No one else.
- Adult up. Both partners need to take in the mental load of managing the house." - ConnieLingus24
Tomorrow
"Focus on your marriage and not just on the wedding. And decide whether a fight is worth having - if it doesn't matter tomorrow does it really matter today."
"Be careful with this one though, sometimes things don't matter tomorrow but they could matter the next time the same scenario comes up. So it's still important to discuss. But in those cases I still like to wait till I'm over it to bring up how we could manage to not piss each other off next time. Fail-safes for when we're not our most considerate, which is often. lol"
Get your own...
"It's okay to use separate blankets. No one likes to wake up with cold butt cheeks because the other person "stole" the blanket!"
"After 12 years of marriage, my wife and I upgraded to a split king bed last year (we always had separate blankets). One of the best things we've done. It's had 0 effect on our sex life, and we both sleep way better than either of us did for years. It's kinda fun to walk up to the bed, hit "flat" on both remotes while winking at her."
Keep on keepin' on...
"Attraction comes and goes, but staying committed through it will really help you feel accepted and loved. Often the attraction differential doesn't kick in during dating."
"I'll add- marry someone you like > love. That romantic feeling is an emotion that waxes and wanes with time. Truly enjoying someone aside from intimate stuff is what makes up 99% of the time of the relationship."
- love2go
Fly
Butterflies GIF by smecceaGiphy"Once the butterflies go away it is your job to create butterfly moments."
Good Times
"I have been married over 30 years. I would estimate only 25 of those years has been happily married. There will be crappy times possibly years. Wait it out unless it's abuse. People are often unhappy at work or something like that and leave their partner instead of dealing with the true problem. Your spouse should be the one you lean on to get through the outside noise not the first one you blame."
Maybe it's easier just to stay single. I'm so gloomy. But I will hold onto this thread just in case. Oh marriage, why can't it just be perfect?
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Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.