The Feels

Man's Response To Woman's Post On Dealing With Being 'Ugly' Is Resonating With Many

In a thread on Reddit's r/AskWomen, a user posted about how she feels she isn't "pretty" and asked how other women deal with it.

However it's a response from a man that proved the most popular.


Though the original user poster deleted their profile,, their post remains. She described how she is "ugly."

She wanted to know how others deal with not being attractive to men, how to love herself regardless and why she can't seem to stop blaming her looks.

Redditor SavageHenry0311 wrote a long treatise on how when someone falls in love with you, they don't see those kinds of imperfections that you might.

He starts by describing his own situation, one marred by an incident in the military.

"I'm not 'mansplaining' or trying to discount how you feel - I'm offering a perspective that might help. Believe me - I know what it's like to dislike your body. I got zapped in Iraq and I've got some unsightly scars, and I sometimes struggle to accept that I'll never be as physically capable as I used to be. Fucking sucks sometimes."
"Anyway...I wish I could let you into a man's head as he's falling in love with a woman. It's a process that's so alien, so strange, that I'm afraid you've got to experience it to believe it. But it's as real as death and taxes...."

Then he begins, describing the process by which someone starts to realize they like someone else.

"Sometimes, a guy will meet a gal and think nothing of it. Maybe she's a co-worker, classmate, or his buddy's friend. She gets mentally categorized as "Female, acquaintance, feelings neutral". Then, he gets to know her better. If they mesh personality-wise, something fascinating happens in the man's mind. He starts to notice things about her appearance - pleasant things. It starts small - one day he realizes he likes looking at the curve of her nose, or where her ear lobe meets her face."
"It's nothing he can put his finger on or describe, really...just that looking at that part of her makes him feel good. He starts wanting to do that more. Then, he notices an expression she makes - could be her genuine belly-laugh, or the way she furrows her brow in concern - and he gets a little flutter in his chest."

It moves from a simple appreciation to attraction.

"They stay friendly for awhile, get to know each other better."

"Then, one day, she hugs him goodbye....and he can't stop thinking about it. He plays it over and over in his head - the feel of her breasts through two shirts, her arms around his back, her smell...he finds these little mental movies of her playing unbidden when he's driving somewhere, squeezing out his other usual daydreams."
"Shortly thereafter, the guy realizes that whenever he looks at this woman, he feels good. He likes her lines, her curves, her sounds and smells..."

And from attraction, to love.

"It's like she's gradually turned from a black-and-white photo into a 3D color movie with surround-sound - a perfect movie that makes him feel good. He starts wondering what he can do to keep her around, to make her happy. He realizes that he likes looking at her more than any other human being in the world."
"To him, she is perfect and beautiful."

And how that love can color your perspective for the rest of your life.

"A man in love with a woman doesn't see her objectively. There is a filter there, or some kind of participatory illusion. He does not see who you see in the mirror. He is seeing someone beautiful and perfect and sublime, and it's one of the most powerful things in his life."
"Go watch a happy old couple that's been married for decades. Watch the man's eyes. Sure, he may appreciate some young woman's ass in yoga pants or whatever...but watch his eyes when he's looking at his spouse. If you're paying close enough attention, you can almost see the filter click on when his gaze settles on her. In that moment, he's not seeing the same frumpy empty-nester that you or I see - he's seeing something wonderful."
"No shit. If I hadn't lived this stuff, I wouldn't believe it either. But it's true."

The response is the most upvoted comment in the thread.

Something about the description provides a beautiful context for how people fall in love. More importantly, it provides that it doesn't really matter about looks specifically when it comes to attraction, as the rose colored glass you develop change the context for you.

It resonated with many people on Reddit.

"I wish I could give this more than one upvote. This is Love."
"I'm married to the most gorgeous man in the universe. Some women think he's attractive, some don't, but none of that matters. In my mind, there is literally no man as hot as my husband."
"I didn't know if men thought the same way until I read this."

- MzHartz


"I want to tell you that I've been with my SO for 19 years and he always says that I'm beautiful. I know that I am not (he gets upset when I call him a sweet liar), but now I understand that that doesn't matter. He believes it and that's all that matters. I don't think I ever really got that before. He believes I am beautiful. Wow. Thanks for that."

- LuluThePirateHooker


"Hell, I think I'm in love with you now. That was beautiful!"

- CDHass


"My absolute favorite thing in the entire universe is when you catch a guy seeing his love walk into a room. I've only ever caught the change in my fiance once because we normally see each other at the same time so I don't see the "before" but his whole demeanor changed and it did something wierd to my heart. It was before we started dating but it's one thing I will never forget. His whole body became more relaxed and his face just lit up... If I ever need a lift sometimes I think of that moment when he turned around in a public place and saw me and just seeing me changed everything. I love that man."

- Lady_S_87


"God. Damn."
"You pretty much hit the nail on the head, in terms of describing how I feel about my ladyfriend. She may not be the "most attractive" woman in the world to others, but to me, she's absolutely perfect. I wouldn't change a single thing about her; not her hair, her hips, her nose, her face, her body, anything. Over five years in and I'm still discovering new things about the way she is and the way she looks."
"But really... you are a master of describing love. I'm serious. This is the best description of love I have ever heard, read, seen, heard, smelled, touched, etc."

- darthstupidious


"I'm a woman and have found it to work the same way for me with men. If I like their personalities, they look better to me and I find their physical quirks and features beautiful. If they're assholes, they don't look physically attractive to me, even if they could be underwear models."
"My husband has the most beautiful crinkles around his eyes when he smiles. It's one of my favourite things about him. That might not be something that people would list as a conventionally handsome feature, but I love it."

- outofshell


The thread is four years old now, but is a good read when you are feeling down.

The description comes from someone who deals with their own body image issues and provides a beautiful reflection on humanity's own sense of physical self-worth.

H/T: BoredPanda, The Sun

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