People In Long-Term Relationships Explain How Quarantine Has Affected Their Relationship

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but does that mean extended periods of time in close confinement make the heart grow a little ... stabby? If so, this pandemic and needed quarantines have probably had some interesting affects on relationships.
One Reddit user asked:
Redditors in long-term relationships, how has quarantine affected your relationship?
... "interesting" was the appropriate word choice.
So Much Closer
It's brought my wife and I a lot closer. I work 2.5 hours from home, 10 hour days (plus 6-8 hours overtime twice a week), 4 days a week. So I usually leave on Monday night and get home Friday night.
I've been home every night since November 18th, so getting to put my 1 year old daughter to bed every night, get up with her every morning, and spending all day with her and my pregnant wife (which allows my wife a nap every single day) has made this the best month of my life, even with me doing almost all of the household chores. According to my wife, it's made the last month as close to Heaven as a pregnant woman can get.
Rock Bottom
We hit rock bottom not long ago. We talked and we're working on things now. It's been tough. We live together and it's almost impossible to have some alone time. This has been one of my main problems.
I miss missing my boyfriend, you know? Spending every minute together is great, but up to a certain point
For me it's important to have my own life. You know, leave the house for work, meet up with other people. Without that I get depressed and the more time we spend together, the less excited I get about being a couple basically.
I don't like this routine. We've been together for 5 years and lived together for 4.
It's always been fine, but being forced to stay at home is a completely different story
I Hope It's The Apocalypse
Me and my girlfriend were living together for a year before lockdown, so we ended up being with each other during lockdown. It has been brilliant, we've just grown closer together and now believe we can get through anything! Next test is the apocalypse I guess.
At least I hope it's the apocalypse and not kids lol.
Call It A Day
We decided to call it a day and I moved out.
We had been seeing each other off and on, 8 years. Had been going strong for about 3 years though. We didn't realize how little we had in common until quarantine.
A Snapshot Of Retirement
Closest my wife and I have ever been. We've been married for 2 years and together for 6 total.
We've always got along great, which sounds stupid but some married couples enjoy having it out from time to time lol.
Fortunately we had planned for emergency and had enough back up to last us 6 months of no income. Wife was only out about a month and I was off for 4.
I qualified for unemployment so we were in no real danger. Plus we don't have kids or a house yet. We basically sat around lol. But hey, we worked hard for the emergency fund so that things like this hurt as little as possible.
We watched a lot of clone wars, went for walks, cooked together, slept in together and enjoyed silence together. It was nice. Now we are both working again and it's a hustle to get everything done so we can chill.
The speed of life can really slow down a relationship. It was much better when we could just be filthy casuals. I love her more than ever. It was a snapshot of retirement almost. I think I chose the right gal.
"Find Himself"
21 years of marriage down the drain because he suddenly decided he needed to "find himself."
"Himself" apparently lives on a boat and pays ridiculous amounts of money to 19 year old girls for nudes. Meanwhile I'm figuring out who I am now that my life isn't consumed with taking care of him and my now grown children.
I got a job, a car and now we get to fight over the junk we own.
Pretty Much The Same
Hasn't changed all that much.
Husband and I are homebodies by nature. We are simple people, though we did have plans to travel within the state this year.
The only other thing that sucks for us is the obvious pandemic and how we can't go to the movie theaters or restaurants.
Our date nights are trips to get food.
Oh hello me. It seems there are couples who have been brought closer, couples or have found their moment for exit, and couple who didn't really feel impacted. It seems the less impacted is less common but I'm very glad to fall into this category!
Come Closer; That's Too Close
We didn't see each other for a few months, which led to us appreciating each other more.
Then when restrictions lifted, I moved in with him. We certainly learned a lot more about each other - one of those lessons being that we both need time away from each other sometimes.
Being stuck in quarantine together was tough and led to arguments
A Weird One
I have a weird one.
My husband and I divorced in 2019. It was a ridiculous overreaction to a single fight. (We married young, and are still pretty dumb). Since our relationship was otherwise pretty solid, we kinda naturally fell back into a friendship with each other after the divorce and kept in touch. We had cats together that I got custody of and we'd regularly chat about them, for example.
We found ourselves in different states, both living with our respective parents and both going to grad school (mostly) virtually this past year. I lost my job and his job has been WFH almost all year. Quarantine was very, very lonely for us. Neither of us are very social, so no longer having work or school in person eliminated our social outlets.
We used to have each other to stay at home with and be antisocial. Going through a forced period of isolation like quarantine made us realize what we had lost by splitting up. We slowly found each other again, from hundreds of miles apart.
I never stopped loving my husband, he is one of the greatest people I know. I was happy to still get to be in his life, even just barely. But this past year we got to grow back together as slightly wiser people with straighter priorities. I don't know if we could have done that if we'd been able to keep distracted with heavy school and work schedules. If we didn't both feel the need to protect each other and be with one another when a terrifying once-in-a-lifetime event like a pandemic began, I don't think either of our dumb asses would have realized what we had given up.
- deladude
It's Not A Hoax
In the beginning good, more recently more strained.
I'm a nurse and in the beginning when their was a lot of fear I felt like we were on the same page working together to help your children and family get through these stressful times. His family are a bunch of Covid hoax believers who all contracted Covid so now my husband leans more that way- not thinking things are a big deal.
I'll come home from work and be like:
"Yeah ... we had 3 deaths before 0730 today, you acting like this isn't a big deal is a big slap in the face."
I should also point out we have VERY different political affiliations which has made things even more tense.
- bsn2fnp1
Water cooler love
We've actually gotten closer I think, been remote working for the last 9 months and before that we almost never saw each other. I'd come home too tired to do anything useful and just sit at my PC all evening mentally drained. Now during my breaks I can help her around the house giving us both more free time on my days off and spend a bit more time with her.
Devolved
Not necessarily long-term but just over a year with gf, dont live together she works and i don't have job atm
Firstly we communicate by text and haven't spoke more than a couple of sentences since mid-October. The conversations now have devolved to one message at 10pm when she's back from work and that's it.
Also, our anniversary was in November and despite going on about how it's important, she completely forgot despite me trying to hint at it.
Usually the only times we'd get to see each other would be once a week meeting in town and I usually let her let me know when she's available because of her work.
But we haven't met up since at least the beginning of October and she hasn't made an effort to since, even considering my birthday was this month
Like its not just the coronavirus she was happy to go shopping on the other side of the country
Scratch the itch
We feel stagnant. Like we don't do anything. Because, well, we don't. We haven't been going out to eat. We haven't been traveling. All our usual date ideas are no good anymore.
We've been trying a new recipe every week which has been helping scratch the itch for new experiences, but it's still just a slog.
But I love her and we're still going strong.
No exit
I am genuinely tired of spending all that time with my husband. I would love to have the house to myself for a month. We both work from home and live in a cold city. There's not much escape! I love him to death but I wish he would leave the house for only a month!!!
Hug-o-war
He moved in with me a month ago. We've mostly settled but still figuring some minor dynamics of living together. We've been together nearly nine years, but only just moved in together recently due to attending grad school in different cities.
When he moved in, I was mainly relieved that I had someone I could actually hug.
Years behind
Not much has changed. We don't meet up to grab a beer after work together anymore, I just wait for him to come home and then greet him at the door like one of our dogs lol. We play more board games and he gets more home-cooked breakfasts in the morning now that I don't have to commute to the office. It's kinda great, but we were great before quarantine too.
It just occurred to me that it's probably going perfectly because for the first 5 years of our relationship, we barely saw each other. He worked weekends and nights and I worked a normal 9 to 5 so even living together, I'd wake up for work while he slept and I'd get home from work when he'd already left to his. When he'd get home, I'd be asleep and we only saw each other conscious on weekends. So I'm still years behind on getting my fill of this guy!
Bored together
We've gotten very comfortable being bored together. We are grateful that we're in positions to be bored, when so many people are in such distress. We've learned that we can tolerate having nothing to do, and that we don't need to "solve" that with outings and errands and gatherings. We don't need to be "on" for each other and we don't feel pressure to constantly entertain each other. So I guess our gratitude has really grown and our acceptance of each other has too.
Married People Explain How They Tactfully Initiate Sex With Their Partner
Positive emotions are high among people in the blossoming phase of relationships.
Everything seems more romanticized for people in love due to the amorous joy in their hearts–which also influences their desire to frequently get it on under the sheets–or any other daring location in the heat of the moment.
But for those who've declared "'til death do us part," devoted couples may find that they are not always on the same wavelength sexually compared to when they first met.
Curious to hear how people keep their passion alive, Redditor Rude_Phone6841 asked:
"Married people, how do you initiate sex with your partner?"
When verbally articulating isn't enough...
Let The Book Dictate When
"There is a book called 'How to Subtly Tell Your Partner You Want More Sex.' If you sleep on the right side of the bed, you can casually open it up and your spouse will see the giant printed title on the front. Sometimes, I’ll just get the book out and leave it on his side of the bed. Once he was messing with me and acting like he was oblivious to my not-so-subtle hints, so I threw the book at him. The book is effective and hilarious."
"ETA: Sadly, we haven’t found the book since we moved. Fortunately, we’ve started communicating with our words instead. Words are just as effective."
– Flaky_Finding_3902
Save The Date
"I send her an outlook calendar event and if she accepts, IT'S ON."
– Dawn_Piano
The Signal
"You know when I’m down to my socks it’s time for business."
– SEA___BEAR
These couples find that verbal cues are best.
Now's The Time
"Honestly when we have the time one of us usually bluntly says 'let's go have sex right f'king now before we can't' and we go do it. Lol"
– brie1305
Option A Or B
"I have a 2 month old and a 2 year old. Some of the best sex we had was because I said 'after 2 year old goes down and if 2month decides to sleep do you want to meet in the basement' well she decided to sleep and damn that was good."
– Ahkmedjubar
End Of Day Reward
"We just ask each other tbh. We’ll bring it up earlier in the day so we build up the anticipation with each other throughout the day, flirt with each other, gas each other up. All that. Then when it’s finally time at the end of the day, we usually fall asleep cause we’re so tired."
"But the cycle continues the next day!"
– supermariobruhh
People continued offering their wisdom.
Afternoon Hanky Panky
"The trick is to initiate sex during the day. We are both too tired at the end. Plus hanging out all day after is somehow more rewarding."
"Same goes for dates. Have sex at the beginning the date, then go enjoy your time together without any pressure."
– drneeley
Kids In The Equation
"This literally happened today with my wife and me. We have two toddlers so we’re extra exhausted. Earlier today we had the sexy initiation of 'hey, we both showered today, want to have sex after the babies are asleep?' 'Sure.'"
"Then when the kids were asleep, and my wife and I were getting settled into bed, she asked if I still wanted to. I said if she wants to I’m down, but I’m pretty tired and would be fine without it. She said she was also tired and could do without it. So we kissed each other good night and she went to sleep. I’m just winding down on Reddit for a few minutes before I also fall asleep."
"I know this is boring. I didn’t write this to tell an exciting story. Just to share what married life is like for me and probably the large majority of married couples, especially parents of young kids."
– MolotovCollective
Shadow Puppet Technique
"Use my phones torch to shine a shadow of my member up against the bedroom wall."
"Kinda like a bat signal of sorts."
– SchoonerOclock
Mood Lighting
"Turn off the lights and switch on the red lamp beside the bed."
– SuvenPan
Reliable Visual
"Walk by him while taking my top off. He follows me wherever I go and it's been 30 years and counting."
– LisaBooHigh
Every couple is different, and usually establishing a strong communication bond makes everything else in the relationship–including sexy time–falls in line effortlessly.
I knew a couple who made a game out of foreplay and agreed that whoever got home first from getting off work at the same time got to choose the sexual position that night.
They may no longer be together, but I remember them recalling how that technique was fun for them at the beginning stage and it took the pressure off of establishing when they were going to have sex.
Don't take get too anxious about it. It's just sex, and it's fun.
There are a number of things people partake in spite of the known possible ramifications they have on their health and safety.
Up to and including smoking, bungee-jumping, recreational drug use, or simply bike riding without a helmet.
Indeed, even though they know that doing any or all of these things could possibly lead to their death, they do it anyway.
Sadly, even though many people go out of their way to avoid doing these things for that very reason, that still doesn't mean they keep themselves completely out of danger.
Sadly, there are a surprisingly large number of things that lead to an even more surprising number of deaths each year.
Frighteningly, these are things that the majority of the world's population does on an almost daily basis.
"What causes death more than people realize?"
When In Doubt, Call Your Doctor!
"Untreated infections."
"Your body will become septic, in which it essentially kills itself trying to kill off whatever infection one has."- cacarrizales
"Infections that are left untreated."- raptor-99
Tread Carefully. Seriously.
"Tripping."
"On average around 17k people a year in the US die from injuries incurred after tripping and falling."- EdithWhartonsFarts
When In Doubt, Don't Drive.
"Driving while sleepy."- latchkey_adult
The Handrail Is There For A Reason.
"Stairs."
"20 million severe injuries each year and at least 200,000 death from consequences of the fall."
"Both my grandparents died because of a fall."- OnTheGoodSideofLife
They Happen To The Best Of Us
"Fall accidents."
"Especially among the elderly, a fall can create a cascade of events that results in death, even if it seems minor at first."-AdmiralBofa
Never Rush Chewing
"Mozzarella sticks."
"Statistically the most choked on food."- SpecSanders
Never Skip A Check-Up
"High Blood Pressure."
"It sneaks up on you and you don't know about it or don't care but it's the underlying cause of so many deaths."- Fear51
Never Underestimate The Importance Of Self Care
"Stress."
"Your body can only handle so much of it and it’s labeled the 'silent killer' for that reason."
"With your high blood pressure and the 5 hours of sleep a night because of the stress, It will creep up on you sooner than you think."- DroppedDonut
Don't Forget To Floss!
"Untreated dental problems."
"A cavity left untreated can lead to heart attacks and strokes."- Lastalmark
Flu Season
"Influenza."
"Just regular old flu."
"Many people ignore it thinking it'll go away on its own."
"Globally the number per year is usually between 300k and 500k."
"In the US it can be anywhere from 12k to 50k per year."- PhreedomPhighter
Don't Feel Ashamed If You Need A Break
"Shoveling snow."
"I have two family friends pass from heart attacks associated to shoveling the snow."- JD054
There Are People Who Will Help You
"Alcoholism causing liver failure and it's on the rise in the USA."- Interesting_Drop8236
"Peruse your County ME’s records."
"The amount of people who die from alcohol is astounding."- hockenduke
Sometimes, It's Just Best To Mind Your Own Business
"Street fights."
"You watch some Hollywood blockbusters and some MMA fights and you think you can do it too."
"I've seen stories of a guy minding his own business and gets rocked on the side of his head. It disconnected his spine and he was dead before he hit the ground."
"There was another story maybe a year ago of a scuffle where a guy was stabbed in the neck and bled out to the point of being unable to stand within 10 seconds."
"Stop f*cking around, it's not worth your life."- Choiceofart
We never know when our number is up or how we'll end our days.
However, with a little bit of care and good judgment, we can at least likely avoid falling victim to all of the above.
When Americans visit a foreign country, they tend to notice immediate cultural differences from the minute they step off the plane.
Unique bathroom designs, how you might have to be more specific when ordering coffee in Australia, how many businesses in Spain tend to shut down for a few hours to take a siesta.
Needless to say, this goes both ways, as when people from all over the world visit the United States, they tend to be surprised and amazed by a number of things.
Ranging from the amusing, such as portion sizes and ineffective tea brewing (at least for the Brits) to the truly baffling (HEALTHCARE).
"Non-American people, what’s a thing that you don’t understand about America?"
You Mean, People DON'T File Their Own Taxes Elsewhere?!?!
"Does every worker have to file their own taxes or am I just confused?"- ThePencil67
"Why they make you calculate your own taxes, if they know what you owe."- redder2023
Flagrant Commercialism...
"So, why do you buy politicians' merchandise? "
"Shirts, caps, banners, stickers, etc."
"They're public servants, not rockstars."
"Also, usually the more boring they are, the better."- akashyy
Work/Life Balance
"Scottish person here but the work/always available for work culture."
"Minimal vacation time, minimal maternity/paternity leave and the fact you can pretty much just be let go."
"It makes me sad to think about it!"
"But I do love that you guys cram so much into your time off - you guys love a road trip!"- Frosty_Dragonfly_682
Definitely Something To Consider...
"What is up with Homeowner Associations?"
"Why would you pay to let a nosy neighbor dictate what you can and can not do on your own property?"
"I understand living in an apartment block and paying maintenance fees etc, but in a suburban home?"- Skoodledoo
There Are Some Good Observations
"The amount of National Parks!"
"My dream came true in 2017 to make an RV trip southwest off USA."
"Yosemite blew my mind away."- Independent-Ad9787
HAHAHA
"How you can say the word 'mirror' without the use of any vowels."
"Mrrrrrr."- Otto1968
I Ordered A Small!
"Why everything is just SO damn supersized."
"My first time in America I went to get ice coffee from Dunkin Donuts, I ordered a large and my friend is like, 'are you sure you want large'?"
"Yeah no biggie, in the UK a large is not overwhelming I feel so I was expecting the same kinda thing."
"Oh my god it was like a god damn bucket of coffee."
"I think maybe a small would have been equivalent to a UK large, lesson swiftly learnt."
Some People Are Lucky To Just Have One Roommate...
"How you have to share a room with some complete rando when you go to college."- ChoppingOnionsForYou
Some People Just Can't Stop Talking
"The culture of just talking to people, strangers you don't know and just up and start a conversation with them or join a conversation."
"I'm British, and we go through great lengths to not talk to people, let alone open up and pour our hearts out to a random person."- MrGlayden
In Other Words: Severs Deserve to Be Paid More!
"The tipping culture is so foreign to me, I would be so scared to make a mistake or not tipping enough if I ever go to America because it's not something which is common here in Denmark."- Cupsuu
The Commercials, Maybe?
"I’m American but I’ve worked with a lot of people who aren’t."
"The one thing they always wonder is why Americans are so obsessed with the NFL."
"They think it’s a boring sport."
"They explained 'you wait for 30 seconds, they hike the ball, you get about 5-10 seconds of action, then you wait another 30 seconds, another 5-10 seconds of action, then commercial break'."- yougotthesilver12
School Is No Place To Have Fun!
"My mom is from Moscow during the Soviet Era, and she is confused why there is no teacher-student hierarchy."
'She thinks it's weird when teachers participate in school plays or speak to students informally."
"She also DOES NOT GET pajama day."
"To her, it's just the weirdest thing in the world."
"In Russia, there is an important distinction between 'clothes for home' and 'clothes for outside'."
"They have a concept of 'home clothes', like your cozy or ugly clothes, that you are supposed to change into after school or work."
"At bedtime, you change out of your 'home clothes' into pajamas."
"As a result, pajamas, for both adults and children, are considered extra-extra private in Russia."
"My mom perceives pajama day as something extreme like wearing only undergarments to school."
"That's how private pajamas are considered to be in Russia!"- racheltolmach2022
A Debate Which Will Likely Never End
"MM/DD/YYYY"- SuvenPan
Living in America comes with a number of advantages and a number of detriments.
Speaking personally though, had I known I wouldn't have to file my own taxes in Australia, I would have expatriated long ago...
People Explain How They Realized Something They Do Frequently Wasn't Actually Normal
We've all found ourselves annoyed by the ticks or habits of others.
Some of these are fairly common, such as chewing with your mouth open, cracking your knuckles, or whether or not they pronounce the "T" in often.
Some habits are a bit more unusual, though.
Only the people guilty of possessing these habits might not realize that they're unusual until they are told by someone else that practically no one, or literally no one, else does them.
It's an eye-opening, sometimes humiliating discovery.
"What made you realize that something you always did wasn't normal?"
Undiagnosed Medical Condition
"'You know that high pitch sound everyone always hears? Wait... you don't?'"
"Apparently, I have tinnitus."- FarAmphibian4236
Hard To Imagine It Never Occurred To Them...
"When I was very young I thought it was normal to have blood on the toilet paper after pooping."
"Turns out it was hemorrhoids, apparently I have always had them."
"Yay!"- SuperevenDuper
And, Exhale...
"My mom is a yawn-yeller."
"When she yawns, you can hear it from anywhere in the house."
"One time my sister had a friend over, and we were in the basement'."
"My mom yawned upstairs, and my sister's friend asked 'was that a coyote?'"- ViolaWPeyton
Sweet Or Disturbing?
"When I first started dating my now husband, ever time we kissed he made a 'muah' kiss sound with his voice."
"Like he literally said 'muah' every time we kissed."
"I asked him why and he said he thought everyone did that because his mom did it growing up."- thti87
Unusual, But Pretty Cool...
"As a kid I would read a street sign as we drove past and I would then make as many possible words out of the letters in that sign."
"Stop, top, tops, sop, pot, pots, to, so, post, etc."
"I told my sister one day that I couldn't come up with any more words to make with some sign and she made fun of me the rest of the way home."
'I quit after that. I'm still a pretty mean Boggle player though."- Limited_turkey
Whatever Helps You Sleep...
"Pre Bedtime cereal, I had a sleepover when I was a kid and was confused when we skipped bedtime cereal."- Mre64
There Are Worse Offenses
"I thought eating cereal without milk was normal until I went to summer camp and everyone stared at me like I killed the camp counselor."- spoilerdudegetrekt
It's Only Polite
"For me it was something I never did. In my twenties, I realized you're meant to make eye-contact when talking to people (I was feral)."- wys15wyg
Who Hasn't At Least Once...
"I got stopped by a cop once because I was talking to myself."
'I literally thought everyone just mumbled out their thoughts out loud."- azuresegugio
Unlikely Source of Inspiration
'I'm an artist."
"I got asked one time why I draw hands looking 'like that' with all the fingers bent backwards.'
So I held up my hand in the same position as the one I just drew and it looked the same.'
"And that's how I found out I had EDS."- koinadian
The Bradys Can Certainly Relate
'Grew up in a house where seven people all shared one bathroom."
"Thought it was normal to get in the shower without waiting for the water to warm up."
"Everyone go fast before the water gets cold."
"Always wanted to try and be one of the first in line for the shower."- littleflower0929
Gesundheit!
"I was diagnosed with Arnold Chiari Malformation, which I like to say means my brain is too big."
"My wife says I have a misshapen skull...whatever...the bottom line is that my brain stem is excessively squeezed where it exits the skull through the hole on the bottom."
"I have a very minor case, but it causes randomly occurring neurologic issues."
"Upon learning of this diagnosis, my wife was reading up on the symptoms...many of which I knew were abnormalities."
"I was worried I had ALS because that is neurological."
"After reading a bit, she says, 'Do you have problems sneezing?'"
"I say, 'No, I sneeze all the time'."
"I mean, about every 4th or 5th sneeze, my vision goes white and I get dizzy and lose my balance, but I catch myself before I fall'."
"Sometimes I feel like I'm going to pass out, but I never have'."
"The look on her face was one of pure shock - wide eyes and mouth open'."
"Then I said, 'Now that I say that out loud, that probably isn't normal, is it?'"
"She responded with an emphatic, 'No it's not normal!'"
"It was normal for me because it has been that way for my entire life, so I never thought to mention it.."
"And no one had ever asked me what it felt like when I sneezed."
"And why would they?"
"Everybody sneezes, so everybody knows what it feels like."- TroubledWaterBridge
Heartbreaking
"The first time I was staying at a friends house when I was in middle school I kept waiting for his parents to start fighting."
"His dad came home, food wasn't done yet, I was waiting for that fight."
'The Youngest brother didn't do his chores."
"I kept waiting for the screaming to start, I had braced myself for it, and it never happened."
"That's when I started realizing that parents aren't supposed to fight every night and drag their kids into it."
"Every day I got off the bus and would have to mentally brace myself before walking through the front door."
"Hoping my mom wouldn't find some random reason to shout at me for 3 hours."
"FYI I'm pretty good now."
"Moved out immediately when I was 18 and lived with a different friend."
"It's been 10ish years now."- Wesley_Otsdarva
If the worst thing you might be doing is getting on someone else's nerves, it doesn't really matter whether or not what you're doing is "normal."
But if you're worried something might not be normal about your health, probably best to call your doctor immediately.