Ohhhh boy, here we go. Time to delve into repressed trauma from our childhoods. How badly did you folks mess you up? Were they over-protective baby boomers? Helicoptering Gen-Xers? Tiger Moms? Let's all share our collective repressed memories.
megadaydreamer asked: How have your parents unintentionally f*cked you up?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Lying can get you far.
Mom was very controlling.
She meant well but her overbearing nature only made me a better liar than a productive member of society.
Edit: seems this is not uncommon. I can't speak for you all but I know my mom loves me, she's just flawed like the rest of us.
Legit this. I can't say exactly when I simply stopped telling her the truth when going out with friends, GFs, etc., but my life became a lot simpler because of it.
Only problem is now I am a borderline pathological liar.
I know right! I dont know the difference anymore between what she will allow and what she won't so I lie to everything and get away with it.
Man I'm 22. There is no end to it.. I can't stop.. It doesn't even matter. I need like no permissions but still. Lies lies lies.
Oh, these moms.
She Tiger Mom-ed the shit out of me, specifically when it came to classical music. She was a violin teacher and had me play piano, but that didn't stop her from getting VERY INVOLVED.
What was the worst incident? When she got so mad at how I was practicing, she threw the piano bench out the door? When she scribbled all over my music in a rage and had to buy a new book so my teacher wouldn't see she'd lost her shit? When she was screaming at me in the car after a lesson and just laid into the horn while driving down a busy street? When she drove me, crying, to my friend's house for a scheduled play date and made me ring the doorbell and explain to my friend I couldn't stay because I hadn't practiced enough?
It was a 10+ year saga of insane blow-ups and tears that only stopped when I left for college and quit. But I'm the lucky one. I was the fighter. My sister was the people-pleaser. Once my mom gave up on me, she focused the full brunt of her attention on her. Now my sister's got an undergrad degree in music and a whole lotta angst about whether she even likes the goddamn viola or has just been forced into her entire life.
I loathe Tiger Mom culture. r/AsianParentStories used to give me so much anxiety.
Lack of positive attention.
My attachment style. They only paid attention to me when I acted out because they were so busy with my older sister and her accomplishments.
Can relate, just from the flip side. I was the older sister with all the accomplishments, straight A kid. They paid more attention to my little sister because she was the one that needed more work and focus on their part. She got new toys in exchange for A's and prizes for chores, one on one time for homework, and more cool sports to try because nothing ever stuck. I guess they decided I didn't need the extra incentive since I'd "do all the right things anyway".
It sucks. Parenting is hard. No one really knows what they're doing and what the effects are until it's too late.
Yikes.
"If only you were nicer they wouldn't bully you"
"Your sister can make friends so you can too"
"Why do you have these weird hobbies, no wonder you have no friends"
"What is it, are you too lazy or too shy to make friends?"
Got diagnosed with autism eventually, but that was after 40 years of beating myself senseless over my inability to fit in.
I'm not autistic but I've had every single one of those said to me by my mom. One time I confided in her that I was upset about having no friends and she said, "Well whose fault is that?" in a rather snippy tone.
Probably yours, mom, probably yours.
Forced isolation and competition.
Always telling me that the neighborhood kids were bad and I should never play with them. Leading me to become very introverted and shy. Feeling super awkward walking passed all the kids, who were playing. Then when I was 15ish parents started asking me why I have no friends!! Making me feel like I had a problem and was different. Due to lack of interaction with kids my age I now avoid conflict, and have week social skills. It took me years of practice to be comfortable with people. Ended up having very good friends in highschool and university. But even after all these years still feel awkward meeting and befriending new people.
Oh I also forgot constantly comparing me to other kids. Telling me how they were doing better at school, had more friends, were so social, etc. It really fucked up my self confidence. I remember when I got into the best uni in my country was the first time my dad said he is proud of me (school and grades wise). Before that it was always "look how good Jack's grades are or how smart Joe is". SMH
Being taught too much empathy?
This isn't the worst thing in the world, but my parents strongly instilled in me the need to care about other people's feelings and kindness. To the point of being overly kind and accommodating.
It led to me apologizing too much, bending over backwards for people who didn't deserve it and letting people take advantage of me. I am proud of being a person that cares for others, but it's taken a while for me to learn how to set boundaries and maintain them in friendships and relationships. I'm working on it.
Do you ever just get the urge to help people even when you know you shouldn't or just don't have the means? How do you manage boundaries? My bf has similar attributes and helping people is almost a type of escape for him.
Wow you hit a nerve with the "helping people is almost an escape" thing! I can relate to that. I definitely feel the urge to help people even when I know I shouldn't.
I think part of it comes from not liking myself too much, and helping someone makes me feel less worthless. I find it very hard to manage boundaries, especially with people that I care deeply about. It's one of those things where I kind of have to work on it from the inside out. If I don't value myself and my worth as a person, it's going to be really hard to maintain boundaries in difficult situations. I won't be able to start enforcing them until I am better able to love and respect myself.
Same.
They never gave me a realistic view of how finances work.
Good lord, I'm in my 30s and still dealing with this. Nobody ever taught me how to money.
Luckily I've picked up a few things and now have more saved and invested than I ever have in my life prior to this point.
Not having your emotions respected.
By never taking any problems I had seriously, getting angry at me when I was having a bad mental health day, and denying that I had depression ("you're just doing this for attention," "you have no reason to be depressed" etc even though I was clinically diagnosed). It has led me to never speak about my problems to the point where I have breakdowns in my bedroom and then pretend I'm fine, believing I'm a burden and that no one, not even my friends, want to deal with me.
Dude my mom does this sh*t all the time it was like as soon as I hit age 10 I was no longer allowed to show any feeling except neutral and happy, now I can't handle my anger or sadness in a healthy way, something as minor as losing my charger sent me into a sobbing screaming mess.
I really hope things get better for you.
Lack of independence.
My mom, by helicoptering me between all of middle school AND high school. As a result I was never able to develop good study habits because I never got the feeling that I was doing it for me. I felt like I was doing it for her.
My mom helicoptered so hard that she became a substitute teacher and basically "followed" me from Kindergarten through Senior year of high school. (Yes she changed schools with me too).
Now this is some damage.
By constantly criticizing me. As an adult I sit in meetings at work and wait for someone to tell me how stupid/wrong/inappropriate something I said or did was. It's awesome.
Exact same thing with me. no matter what I do I never feel like I'm going to be good enough.
Yup... miserable. Decided not to ever have kids for fear I'd somehow f*ck them up too.
Who are we? Children of the baby boomers.
What will we never ever be? Good enough. At anything. Ever.
Well now how is this supposed to work?
They demand I pay for things (which is fine, in itself, really) except I wasn't really allowed to have a job until right before I left for college. Basically any gift money I got from relatives they somehow took?
Now it's even worse, as I'm unemployed due to some serious health issues. Whenever I hear, "you need to pay for that" all I can think is... with what income?
(Disclaimer: they were never short on cash. This was purely an "assert control" thing).
No. it's not fine. it's called financial abuse-
https://www.verywellmind.com/financial-abuse-4155224
To be clear, what made it abusive was not the request to pay for things, it was that coupled with controlling the ability to actually do so. Financial abuse is using finances to exert undue control over the victim.
For example, my parents required that I pay for the gas I used and a small amount toward the car payment and insurance for our shared car. This allowed me to work, taught me to plan for the costs of getting to work, etc. It also cut the other way -- when I saved up enough for my own car, they paid me when they needed to use it. That's clearly not financial abuse.
If, however, they'd required that I pay with money I don't have, or used the excuse to steal financial gifts given to me, that would have been abusive.
Nope, not damaging at all.
One had an affair, told me and told me not to tell the other. The other knew and did things like bugged the house phones and had me try to follow them around. Being oldest kid sucked. Completely stuck in the middle. Eventually escaped to the sanity of the infantry.
My dad told me too about cheating on my mom and he said he did it recently after they got married, what made it worse he told me they only married cuz she was pregnant with me. So looks like I was the reason why they married, and because of that i have to watch how they dont get along at all. It just really hurts to watch but o well i've tried to help them but they refused, so it's not really my problem anymore.
At least she doesn't waste your time?
When I was a kid, maybe 5 or 6, I was riding in the car with my mom. I was playing with a transformer toy, and telling her about it. At some point, she stopped me and said something to the effect of, "son, do I talk to you about makeup or clothes or anything I'm interested in?" I answered no. And she said "then I don't want to hear about transformers/whatever you're playing with." In that moment, she just wanted me to shut up bc she didn't care, but over my life I've realized it destroyed my ability to talk about things I care about with people unless it's someone I'm very close to, so I come off as very boring until people get to know me.
Edit: Wow, thanks for all the replies and upvotes! I would just like to say, I don't hate my mom or anything, she's a good person for the most part, she just doesn't pretend to care about things.
The feeling of constantly being watched...
Semi-helicoptering me for far too long. They subtlety controlled my life to the point I wasn't able to do a lot of things that were important to me, but it wasn't enough that I felt controlled and wanted to just snap and rebel against them. It took me a LOOOONG time to start making decisions without prioritizing their approval above doing what I ACTUALLY wanted to do.
So I'm a little behind in a lot things that are important to me, because I never felt truly supported and free to develop myself the way I wanted to.
Being made to feel like what you say doesn't matter.
By constantly Interrupting me when I'd try to say something, or talking over me, or by very obviously not paying attention/listening/caring about what I'd say, I've grown up to be a very quiet person who very rarely makes any effort to say anything to anyone.
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Old Wives' Tales People Still Believe For Some Reason
"Reddit user the_spring_goddess asked: 'What is an old wives tale that people still believe?'"
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
Giphy"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine Giphy"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace Giphy"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office Giphy"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.
Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.
But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.
However not everyone feels that way about their job.
So what are these compelling careers?
Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked:
"People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?"
Cup Of Joe
"Barista is my main regular job."
"I f*cking love it."
"I love being able to talk to people all day and making cute little swans or whatever in people's drinks."
~ Low_Perception9046
Cleaning Up
"Janitor."
"Hours are good, work is easy, people are mostly nice."
"Something to keep me busy."
~ IHate2ChooseUserName
Fun With Chemistry
"I develop chemical sensors."
"I would buy the company and work half time."
"The joy of solving the types of problems that come up is fun."
~ BadDadWhy
Helping Children
"When I win the lottery I’ll still work but I’ll probably go to part time."
"I work with children with special needs—my job is rewarding and special."
"I love working with kids."
"Plus I’m too young to 'retire' and not work, I’ll get bored."
~ No-Section3226
Doing Dos
"I do hair."
"Love it!"
"Gives me purpose."
~ Hyperboleballad
Feeding The Hungry
"I'm actually a chef at my local homeless shelter."
"My dream job, even with an advanced degree."
"I'd not quit this if I won 3 lotteries."
"I would, however, cut a fat check to my organization and my sister organizations."
~ subwooferofthehose
Angel Of Mercy
"Nursing."
"I kind of still like it."
"I'd probably back off to part time if I won big."
~ LadyVaresa
Sweet Beats
"I'm a musician."
"Basically I have what for most people is a dream job, which makes me a non-representative specimen."
"On the other hand, I still occasionally work as a paramedic, and as rewarding as that job can be, I'm mostly doing it when I want to grab some extra cash."
"I'd probably let my certs expire if I was rich."
~ loose_lady_lutenist
Healing
"I'm a doctor."
"A great portion of my income is already donated to my hospital's program that expands access to low-income patients."
"I'd probably give 100% of my income to the program if I won and use the lottery winnings for living."
~ Shiblets
DIY
"I recondition (light remodeling) apartments after tenants move out."
"I’m alone all day and I can listen to podcasts or books, the work is very satisfying to me, and as a woman I’ve loved learning HVAC, plumbing, and electrical work as I use the experience in my own home when things break/need updating."
"I would go crazy without working anyway but I really do love my job."
~ Dependent-Bass-2043
All Creatures Great And Small
"Kennel attendant."
"I’ll never willingly turn my back on these animals."
~ RathGodofWar
No Business Like Show Business
"I’m the Assistant Director for a Children’s Theatre."
"It’s really not something you do for the money."
"You do it because you love it and can’t imagine your life without it."
~ RamblingsOfaMadCat
Fostering Futures
"I work in addiction recovery."
"It means a lot to me."
"I wouldn’t quit if I won the lottery, but I would go part time."
~ randtcouple
A Stitch In Time
"I teach people how to sew, mostly kids but we have a few adult classes as well."
"It is stressful but also so rewarding to see a room full of people who have learned a skill from you and can take home a bunch of goodies."
"Sewing is a dying skill so we need to teach it more!"
~ Interesting-Chest520
Saving Lives
"National Suicide Prevention Lifeline."
"I love the job. It’s stressful at times but also very rewarding."
~ MaryKathGallagher
Many people stated they might cut back to part-time or donate their salary, but a significant number of people had no plans to stop working.
However some would change their job focus or profession.
So, would you keep working after a lottery win?
There's something comforting about living in a small town.
It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.
Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.
The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.
Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:
"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"
These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.
Live Updates
"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."
– PyrrhuraMolinae
Brush With The Law
"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”
Roadside Catchup
"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."
– anon
When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.
Bank Robbery
"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."
– AlexRyang
"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."
– Strict_Condition_632
Wise Woman
"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."
"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."
– ilurvekittens
Intoxicated Local
"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."
– DoodooExplosion
Grazing Over To The Bar
"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."
– brown_pleated_slacks
It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.
Welcoming Committee
"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"
–MoonieNine
"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."
– impiousdrifter
"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."
– raisinghellwithtrees
"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"
– realneil
A Busy Day
"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."
– KenmoreToast
Who Let The Dogs Out?
"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."
– mediocrelpn
"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."
– Worried_Place_917
While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.
I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.
I would be paranoid.
And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.
Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office GiphyDouble Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations GiphyA Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K. GiphyA Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO GiphyAmazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.