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Guy's Masculine BF Slams Him For Wearing Makeup And The Internet Won't Stand For It

Gender identity and sexual politics can be difficult to navigate, but in this day and age they don't hold up as excuses to negate each other.

Gay couple, boyfriend [26M] doesn’t like me [24M] wearing make-up

Let me start off by saying, I've always been a feminine guy. Growing up, I hung out almost exclusively with girls because I liked their games, toys and just the way of playing a lot better. I was raised in an atheist household and wasn't burdened with homophobia coming from my family, but I was bullied extensively at school because of my appearance and interests. I am naturally extroverted but this experience made me withdrawn and awkward, I even developed selective mutism in middle school and became extremely self-conscious. To avoid being teased, I'd go to great lengths to mask my natural tone of voice and mannerism so I could blend in with the crowd more easily.

It was only when I left my hometown for college that I was able to live more authentically. I studied art history and our department was full of queer and gender non-conforming people. No one cared about the way you presented yourself, in fact, I felt encouraged to be myself. I decided to embrace everything that others wanted me to feel ashamed about: my sexuality, interests, looks, voice, etc. At this time, I started experimenting with wearing make-up and nail polish because I loved watching YouTube tutorials on this topic and I always used to do it for my friends but I was too intimidated to try it on myself. I decided I really liked the way it made me feel – I could hide pimples or bumps on a bad skin day, bring out my eyes with mascara and eyeliner or shape my eyebrows. I don't do it on a daily basis, mostly for special occasions, nights out, or when I just want to boost up my confidence.

Before getting together with my current boyfriend, I was in a four-year relationship with another guy my age who was more of a typical man's man than I am but he was always supportive of my interests and didn't care that I was feminine. This is why I didn't feel like "I like to wear make-up here and there" was something I would have to negotiate in a relationship. But my boyfriend of six months now, who is pretty outwardly masculine, was kind of shocked the first time I told him I wanted to put on mascara and eye-shadow before going out dancing. He didn't stop me from doing it but I could tell that he was uncomfortable while we were out. We had a talk about it when we came home and he couldn't understand why I would ever want to wear make-up as a guy. I explained to him that it makes me feel good and confident but from what I understood, in his mind, he equated this to drag and crossdressing and thought I might want to be a woman. He comes from a more traditional household and works in construction so he's never really had contact with queer (other than gay) people like I have during my studies. I told him I couldn't go back to hiding who I was, not even for him, and he promised to try and learn more about gender non-conformity and work towards accepting this part of me.

The problem is he hasn't fulfilled that promise. We got into a pretty bad fight recently because I wanted to wear make-up when we attended his (female) friend's bachelorette party. All of the girls agreed to wear red lipstick as an inside joke and they asked me if I wanted to join in too, since they knew I might be interested. I agreed and my boyfriend was out of his mind when he found out. He said I was embarrassing him on purpose and that everyone would think we were a joke. I pointed out that people who thought gay couples were a joke would continue to think so regardless of the make-up and that wasn't our problem but I could tell he was still mad and thought I didn't take his concerns seriously.

In the end, I compromised and passed on the lipstick for that evening and although we still had a good time, I actually hate that I did that. I feel like I'm being pushed back into the closet by my own boyfriend, who's supposed to be the one person to support me even when no one else does. I love him, but I can never be that kid I was in school again. I understand his bringing-up was different and that he also feels the pressure to conform as a gay man but I don't think it's our job to change in order to accommodate others. I just don't know how I can make him understand my point of view.

TL;DR I'm a feminine gay man who sometimes wears make-up. My current boyfriend is more masculine and traditional and he can't come to terms with this part of me. I'm feeling divided between his wish to conform with social expectations and my identity and I'm not sure how to proceed.


Here was some of the advice he got.


I think it's still early in the relationship, and though he's off to a bad start on keeping his word, you need to call him out on this and let him know he's not doing what he said he would do.

I highly, highly doubt those girls asked you if you wanted to wear lipstick to make fun of you. Idk if you know, but a lot of girls love gay guys. They wanted to make you feel included.

But if you continue to see him making little to no effort to accept you, then you may have no choice but to leave him.



You need to be you. I don't think this is the right guy for you. I'd hate to see someone inching back into the closet for their partner. It really sucks that he didn't let you take part of the red lipstick thing at the party. It sounds like everyone else wanted to include you and you wanted to do it and he stopped that for you.



That wasn't a compromise. A compromise is where you meet in the middle. This was both of you wanting conflicting things, and you not getting the thing you wanted and him getting the thing he did. I'm not saying he's an awful person, but he's going to have to learn to accept this part of you if he wants to date you, because otherwise the 'compromise' looks like it'll be you making yourself smaller and sadder for someone else, and receiving nothing you shouldn't be receiving as part of a relationship anyway.



How does he react if you wear some make up at home?

He might be having trouble because he feels he needs to conform. Plenty of people feel that, even the most straight, cis, gender-conforming people. As a species we tend towards conforming in like groups.

If you feel like he is trying to make an effort, I'd suggest you occasionally use make up at home to get him used to it. If you only wear it to occasions, and he's focused on fitting in (as he perceives it), it could be driving some of his reaction.

If he's stuck on his "guys don't wear make up", you two are just not compatible.



I don't understand the problem...

Your bf has already said he is uncomfortable with parts if you, and is only happy when you're not being you.

He understands perfectly fine, he just doesn't like it.

Wear the make up wherever you want. If he has issues, then they are HIS issues. Not yours.

You are right, a partner should support you being you.

He should... or find someone that does.

It really is that simple.



While he's allowed to want to date someone that won't wear makeup, its not his place to control you and your self expression over his discomfort - not when he had, and still has, the opportunity to break up if it's a dealbreaker for him.

Saying he's willing to put more effort into learning about gender nonconformity, etc, is useless when he wont actually do so. unless he is willing to love you for who you are, a relationship like this just doesn't sound healthy to me, especially when it comes to something harmless, and especially when you've already spent a lot of your life having to suppress who you are.

(I'm a mostly closeted lesbian, i get how shitty it is to feel like you have to hide parts of yourself just to feel accepted. you deserve better than to have to go back to that.) You deserve someone that loves every part of you, or at least someone who wont be a jerk about it. he cant even refrain from doing that.

Especially the fact that he seems to think you're doing this to embarrass him seems like a lack of good faith - i would want the person I'm dating to take my word for it if i told them its for self expression.

I know this sub jumps to the whole breaking up thing a lot, and i don't know how often you've discussed this with him besides the conversations you've mentioned, so it would probably be good to sit down with him again to share your perspective on things and let him share yours. but if he cant get over the fact that this is part of who you are, then sadly you might both be better off separated. whatever the result may be, i do hope things work out for the best!


I'm not gay or LGBT+ in any way so my opinion probably won't count because I don't know what it's all like for you.

But, makeup isn't just feminine. Even historically it was worn by men too. The idea of it being exclusively for women is just BS thanks to the way society has developed. Once upon a time, women didn't wear trousers because they were too 'masculine'. Now pretty much everyone does.

Most importantly though is, you do you. Don't change anything about yourself to make others happy. You have to put your own happiness first. If your boyfriend can't deal with you wearing makeup, he needs to ship out and let you be with someone who totally supports you.



It sounds like your boyfriend is still hasn't been exposed to a lot of diversity in the LGBTQ community and might be insecure still. Which sounds exhausting for you to have to educate him. Are there any social LGBTQ groups or events near yall ? Is there a chance he finds makeup unattractive? Would not being able to wear makeup be a deal breaker for you?



I can almost guarantee that some of the female commenters/readers who have CIS boyfriends/husbands would lose their sh-t if they started wearing makeup, but expect a gay man to be completely okay with it just because he's not straight. And that it must be bullsh-t like 'internalized homophobia'.

Unless you would be completely fine with your male partner going out with you, wearing bring red lipstick, mascara and foundation- you're in no position to judge.

That said, OP you deserve to be able to be yourself. Unfortunately you may not be able to do that with your current boyfriend. And that's okay. It's okay for him to have preferences. It's okay for you to try to come to an understanding. It's also okay for you to leave him if he can't be happy with the way you want to be. I hope you manage to sort things out!



I think there could be certain circumstances where him asking you to not wear makeup would be ok. For example, meeting his family, attending a ceremony or reception or maybe something related to his work. Not that it's right per se, just that I would get him being uncomfortable about it at those times. Agreeing to not wear makeup during those types of events would be compromising if in return he didn't give you a hard time the other times you DO choose to wear makeup.

But you have to talk to him and determine if he's actually willing to "try" to get used to you wearing makeup or what he really meant was, I'm not ok with it and I'm going to push back every time my bf tries, until HE stops doing it. Have the conversation and then if he says he'll make an effort I say start wearing makeup more. Nothing crazy, but if you two go to dinner, throw on a winged liner and do your brows. Actually get him used to you wearing makeup as a semi-regular thing. If he's not willing to compromise and was only paying you lip service, you'll know pretty quickly.


People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley


"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt


"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."


"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."


Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."


"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip


"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User


– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"


Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."



"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."


Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."



The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."


This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.



"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."



"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”



"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"


"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"


The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."


Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."


Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.


"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.