Family dynamics are a complicated thing. Some people spend tons of time with their family and/or are emotionally close. Others are so distant that those family members may as well not exist. Navigating that relationship with your own family is hard enough, but navigating your partner and their relationship with their family can seem almost impossible. Things that are casual no-brainers for your family might be a huge deal for their or vice versa. For example; introducing a partner. Some families want to meet everyone and others would rather never see your partners face until you're walking down the aisle.
One Reddit user has been with her man for two years and he's pretty much refusing to introduce her to his family. She's introduced him to hers, but he won't bring her around his even though they live very close by and he is closer with them than she is with hers.
Here's her initial post to Reddit:
Things have been especially great lately. But I can't seem to let this one thing go.
For context, I come from a big, very close-knit family, but I currently live 1,000 miles away from them. I introduced my boyfriend to my parents last year, as well as my sister on a separate occasion. My boyfriend definitely seemed a bit shy around them, which was weird and unexpected (even his job entails making small talk with strangers all day, and he's great at it!) I had many more opportunities to have my BF hang out with my parents and other relatives, but I now feel awkward doing so when I haven't met his.
My BF's family is just his parents and a much older half-sister who is married with kids, but they still vacation together twice a year and my BF has a cute relationship with his brother-in-law and nieces from what he's told me. The kicker is that his parents live 30 minutes away, and the sister is a 1 hour drive. I've even been to his parents house with him, but only while they were away (they're snowbirds).
I've expressed several times over the past year that I want to meet them, and that I was hurt by the fact that it seemed like he was hiding me from them (it turned out, he hadn't told his parents about me until a few months ago, but even now they have no idea what I look like or anything). Although he definitely isn't as close to his family as I am with mine, they seem like sweet people. I've seen the funny birthday cards they send him and the adorable family photos and I've been in the room while he talks to his mom on the phone.
It's not an issue of cultural or religious differences either. His answer is always that his parents get excited about meeting his girlfriends and then they get really disappointed when he eventually ruins the relationship and they break up. I don't even know what that means? My BF has never once said that his parents were overbearing or like to guilt-trip him or anything like that.
Lately he keeps saying that he really wants me to meet his family, that his mom will love me, that we should meet up with his sister for lunch, etc. etc. But it never happens. I feel like he's saying things to appease me with no real intention of following through.
I know he loves me. We're talking about moving out of state together. But is it unreasonable that I don't want to move further in our relationship until I meet these people? I honestly can't tell if I'm blowing this out of proportion or if I'm justified in being hurt.
tl;dr: My boyfriend's family lives close to us and I've never met them, but he doesn't give a real reason why
We grabbed some of the most honest responses to share with you - some have been edited for clarity or language.
He Was Married
I dated a guy for nearly 2 years who had family living within blocks of my parents. At first I just assumed he was shy, or not close to his family and that's why he didn't want to do the meet the parents thing.
As time wore on, that red flag waved stronger...
Until, finally, by spying on his sister's FB, I realized the reason he didn't want to introduce me was it would have been awkward... he was married.
Get The Real Reason
After 2 years together, I would also be upset that my partner hadn't introduced me to his family, and honestly i think most people would be giving the side eye in your situation.
I think you need to talk to him, calmly, and ask for the real reason you haven't met his family yet. That they might be a bit miffed if you break up is not acceptable.
Explain that his decision is hurting you, and state that it is affecting your relationship.
Hey, so your situation is kind of similar to mine. I've been dating my bf for over two years, we're the same age and in college still. The friends that I've told about this do think it's weird, but I talked to him about it. Basically he's not as close to his family as I am, his parents are divorced and working, and basically have their own lives and new partners.
It used to bother me a lot since he would be at my house all the time, I introduced him to my family within the first month of dating. I've just come to the fact that this is how his relationship is with his family, where they all keep their lives separate. The thing is they text each other random stuff, but don't really spend time together. It's strange to me and all my friends because we come from nuclear families, but I've had to look at it from a different point of view.
Hope this helps and hope everything works out for you. Hopefully you and I will meet the in-laws before marriage happens! lol
Relationship Isn't In His Future
"...his parents get excited about meeting his girlfriends and then they get really disappointed when he eventually ruins the relationship and they break up."
Let me offer you my experience. I have anxiety around my parents meeting my partners because, to me, it felt like failure when those first few relationships broke up and my parents were disappointed. So, eventually, I didn't tell my parents about relationships I was 90% sure were going to end. They knew I was dating someone, but I would never introduce them, never talk about them, never even consider bringing a boyfriend around. It wasn't worth the stress to me.
Now, I have a boyfriend I'm happy to bring to my parents, or weekend with with sisters, and make future plans with. Because I see a future with him, and him with me. This might not be your experience, but if I were in your boyfriend's position, the only reason after 2 years to not introduce you would be because this relationship wasn't in my future.
Future Wife Isn't You
It sounds to me like at this point, the next girlfriend that your boyfriend wants to introduce to the family is his future wife. And that he doesn't see you as that person. Not sure if he will come to in time or not, not sure if that's what you want. But that's my take, and I think it's worthwhile asking him those questions.
Soap Opera Family
To be honest, none of my girlfriends ever met my parents, except for the first. Because I am ashamed of my soap opera family. I still attend their family gatherings and visit them, because I like my mum.
The first time I introduced a girlfriend to my family at Christmas Eve dinner, my step dad and uncle, after two glasses of wine, proceeded to call her a fat cow, making jokes about her weight (she wasn't even overweight in anyway.)
She stayed with us for a couple of days because we were long-distance at the time. When she went to take a shower, my stepdad went around the house to "check" whether she had opened the bathroom window to prevent the room from steaming up. Fking creep.
After that, never again.
If that's the case, he needs to just tell you the truth.
"Before We Die"
You mentioned in some responses that his parents were on the older side, like Dad was over 70. Honestly, his parents might also be putting a lot of pressure on him to "get married and have babies before we die" and having them meet you might only fan those flames and he doesn't want to put you or himself or your relationship through that. . .
Age And Experience
This might actually be a sign of your ages/experience. I've been through a few serious relationships at this point, and I now wait to introduce my boyfriends to parents because I don't want them to get attached in the event we breakup. I also don't want them to have any fantasies that I've found "the one" or that I'm getting married soon unless I've gotten to a point when I think that is a possibility. I'm also less eager to meet my SO's parents now, because I absolutely adored some of my exes' parents and was crushed when I realized I would never be a part of their families.
I think you should let him know how this makes you feel about your overall relationship, and tell him that you don't feel comfortable moving out of state with someone whose family you haven't met yet. If this is important to you and he doesn't step up, then you may want to hold off moving out of state together.
You're Not The One
It's simple, he's not sure you're the one. Doesn't want to introduce to his family until he is sure- but you said you don't even want to marry him. So I wouldn't place too much importance on this.
Mom Ruins Everything
My father's mother had a habit of ruining relationships for him. Example: he brought home a nice girl, but with a bit of a longish face.
His mother: "Do you have hobbies?"
Girl: "Horse riding."
Mother: "You can tell. You start looking like the animals that you are with."
The poor girl left crying and they broke up. When my father met my mother, he kept her away from his parents as much as he could.
What I'm trying to get across here is: he may have a valid reason to not introduce you. Some families are not tightly knit for a reason.
Raise your hands--who had an emo phase in the 2000s? I know I did, as did a lot of people around me. All of us heard “It's just a phase" from our parents at some point, but when you're a kid, life as we know it seems so permanent.
Of course, most of the time, it was “just a phase". And looking back, those phases are regrettable, to say the least. Here are some prime examples of that.
What was your biggest/most regrettable "It's not a phase, mom. It's my life." that, in fact, turned out to be just a phase and not your life?
The enthusiasm of a young person can lead to some unexpected changes that parents are just not ready for.
I was VERY into The Transformers when I was a wee lad in the 1980s. One day, I decided to change my name to the name of my favorite Autobot. My name was lame, and I wanted an awesome Transformer name. And I was VERY insistent that my parents only call me by my new name. Calling me by my 'old' name would cause a big fat tantrum on my part.
So for the better part of a week, my poor parents had to call me Wheeljack.
Very 2008.Ariana Grande Shrug GIFGiphy
My cat-ear phase. I wore cat ears every single day. Everywhere. I had like 20 pairs of them. Now everyone thinks I'm a furry.
I find that very cute and wouldn't have thought you'd be furry. Even if you'd had cat mittens. I think my suspicions would have started if you moved a bit like a cat, displayed catlike grooming habits or got a cat mask.
Not gonna lie, that car sounds cool.
I went to a car show once as a teen, and the only newer car there was some chick's PT cruiser. It was hot glittery pink, and at the time I was obsessed. I insisted that one day I would have a hot pink car, with pink seats, pink dash, pink carpets, etc. I was pretty heavily goth at the time, so my parents just rolled their eyes.
These phases can often lead to some very strange fashion choices.
When I was a teenager (early 00s), I was waiting for my mother to pick me up and was wearing one of those sh!tty sports wristwatches. It was itching me so I took it off for a second, but then she arrived and because I was struggling to get it back on my wrist, I looped it around the equally sh!tty chain I had around my neck in a rush to get out the door.
My mom asked me about it in the car, and I told her this was my new style and I planned to wear it like that every day. She rolled her eyes.
I wore that watch on a chain around my neck every single day for 3 years or so. There are even professional family photos where I'm wearing it because I refused to take it off.
One day, the chain broke and I lost the watch. I was in high school at that point anyway and it was a major lady repellent, so... phase over.
Not everyone can be Eminem.slim shady eminem GIFGiphy
Baggy pants, being a rapper someday and being a professional skater.
When I was about 14 and Eminem was starting to blow up I bought myself a keyboard with a synthesizer. It cost like $200 which was all the money I had saved up. It finally came (this was way before amazon prime and such) and I tried rapping.
My sister told me "you're effing horrible" and I gave up right then and there.
This should be a sin.
I used to button the top buttons of polo shirts.
I must say, this is probably the worst one I've read.
Looking back at our regrettable choices, all we can do is cringe.
An optimistic look at bad tattoos.check me out season 3 GIF by PortlandiaGiphy
Being a tattooer. Regrettable because of those poor people who have my awful doodles on their bodies.
Take heart! My favorite tattoo is the one I drunkenly got my buddy to do in his living room one year during March Madness! It's dumb and frankly mediocre? But such a good story and has such good associations I smile every time I see it.
My friend and I decided we were going to open a bar in Jamaica with exotic snakes in glass cages in the walls at each booth. We convinced ourselves it would be amazing for at least two years in college. It was going to be called Fredro's.
My entire family made fun of me for it. Once we got out of college, we realized it was not feasible and joined the office grind. We're also two white guys with no ties to Jamaica.
Talk about cringey.
I wore a top hat with an anime pin on it for around a year. Met one of my current best friends while wearing it, idk how he could bear to speak to me after that.
My weirdest phase was probably when I insisted on wearing knee-high rainbow socks to school every day. But honestly, I don't regret it. I rocked those socks, and I wish I still have a pair.
To all the people out there cringing over their past selves, remember that you were just a kid, and to be easy on yourselves. After all, we've all been there
It should not take much for a consumer to be satisfied with the products they purchase.
Yet, too often, manufacturers who oversell their products fail to deliver what is promised and are inevitably left with angry customers who want their money back.
Whether the merchandise was defective or ridiculously overpriced, strangers online shared some of their worst purchases when Redditor BooksMcGee asked:
"What is the worst product you ever paid money for?"
Short Life Span
"This NERF gun that's supposed to shoot tennis balls for your dog. I bought it cause I thought you could load 3 at a time and shoot them far, but it's just one and it's super loud and the gun broke after like 4 shots (reading reviews later, this was a common issue)."
"There were these toys called squiggles when I was a kid and the commercials made it seem like the toy was alive. It looked like you would get this crazy little fuzzy worms as pets that would follow you around an so sick tricks and listen to your every command. It was really just a piece of fluffy string tied to another piece of string with googly eyes on it. People may say that it was supposed to be a magic trick but they should also explain that to a 5 year old who really wanted a pet."
"Not their fault, but I paid $70 for a Yugioh card hours before it was limited to one copy. Probably dropped to $20 by the end of the day."
These purchases were bad for your bum.
"A bicycle that literally fell apart before I made it out of the parking lot."
Not Worth Sitting On
"Joybird brand couch. Was so terrible, we returned it. Still hard to believe, we returned a freaking couch."
Going Nowhere Fast
"A 2000 VW Beetle (used)."
"Biggest piece of sh*t that literally had to have just about everything replaced before 100k miles and would still break down every time you left the driveway to the point where the tow-truck driver knew us on a first-name basis."
"An Oldsmobile Achieva from one of those buy here pay here places. I should have known better, but I was young and thought I was getting a good deal. I had the thing for about 5 months, I drove it for maybe 3 weeks. The rest of the time it was either in the shop, or in my driveway waiting until pay day so I could afford to fix whatever broke on it this week. Eventually told the dealer just take it, I'm not paying for it any more. He said nope, and I will make sure your credit is ruined. I said well you sold me a lemon, do you really want to go this route? He came and took it. Never reported anything to credit. I heard he got sued by several other people who sold sh**ty cars too and eventually went out of business."
"Always amazes me when I see them driving around still, I can only assume there's enthusiasts who just love repairing horribly designed cars."
These Redditors were not convinced what they ingested was edible.
"A box of plain Cheerios. Thought they were honey nut, poured a bowl, was very disappointed."
"If I wanted to taste cardboard, I'd just eat the box."
"A burnt frozen pizza at the air and space museum cafe in DC. I Don't wish that experience on anyone. There are some amazing restaurants in DC, don't settle."
The following electronics just gave off a bad charge.
"Asus Transformer Pad TF700"
"This was one of those early 'high end' Android tablets that was grossly underpowered, and it showed. Thing was slow as sh!t in no time flat. Rookie mistake investing into shiny new tech while they were still working all the bugs out. Think I paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $350-400 for it..."
"macbook pro 2018 13" touchbar. 2 years old and dead (battery). they're asking $300-$400 to change the battery. malfunctioning keyboard with double presses and missing presses. that's a lot of money for bad design."
"Past winter my old room heater broke down and I had to buy a new one. Went to a store nearby and somehow got convinced to buy a very costly heating device.. It's also my fault, since there were some sligthly cheaper options around, but nope. I wanted the expensive one thinking it will make my small room a volcano with little to no effort/cost (that's also what the seller told me). Long story short the device wasn't doing ANYTHING. No significant temperature changes, too much space, a weird noise, and was doubling my previous device in utility cost. I still gloom over those 80 euros.."
Some of my disappointing purchases was clothing, but only because I purchased them online. Unless they are a brand I'm familiar with, I'm usually fine with buying new jeans off of their websites.
But when it comes to graphic tees only available on specialty shops, an M-size shirt is not necessarily the same size as those found in other reputable stores.
I bought a medium sized T-shirt from a boutique store online because I loved the look of the design. But when it arrived, the supposed medium fit me like an XL.
At least I gained a fierce cleaning rag from this impulsive purchase.
We all know the job interview butterflies.
We sit outside the office or wait for the phone call and our foot taps at rapid speed. We run through some rehearsed answers, but worry that they'll ask a slew of things we never even considered. We try not to sweat too much.
Often, it turns out alright. We may not get the job, but we're respectable, give solid answers, and learn a lot about the place we're trying to get hired.
Other times, however, all of our far-fetched worries seem to come to life.
Curious to hear just how bad an interview can go, Redditor UIGrimsen asked:
"What was your worst job interview?"
Plenty of people had some truly bizarre stories to share. Part of these train wrecks were bad luck, and part were the insane antics of the people giving the interview.
But for us, they're simply hilarious.
"I applied for a job in a Planetarium, the interview was conducted in a big dome."
"Problem was, another part of the Planetarium staff was doing fire alarm tests during the interview. The dome amplified the sound so much, it was deafening. The interview staff acted like nothing was going on. We had to shout so we could hear each other."
"My mom raises chickens … and during COVID one of them got sick (not COVID). She had it inside to feed water hourly to try to nurse it back to life. My mom has to run an errand so I'm in charge of this chicken for the afternoon."
"I was on a phone screening with a candidate for a position in my office and this chicken starts having a seizure and dies on the middle of this phone call. I look over and it's laying almost like it was crucified."
"The candidate heard the commotion and asked if everything was ok … Which I relied 'yeah, the chicken just died.' "
"She withdrew her application the next morning."
"1.) I walked in as the HR lady farted"
"2.) it was a small office with no windows"
"3.) I asked her questions about their employee retention rate that she couldn't answer"
"4.) the fart stayed the duration of the interview"
"5.) I hope the fart got the job, because I didn't want it"
A Very Instructive Moment
"Applied to work at a vet clinic. Veterinarian did the interview while spaying a cat, apparently one of the cleanest and quickest surgeries they do. I fainted."
"Was not offered the job (after I woke up)."
Others shared moments when their excitement was deflated instantly. They encountered such closed-minded interviewers that there was almost no need for discussion.
That Bus Perk
"As an interviewee It was when I applied to a job as a Junior programmer and in 5 minutes the guys goes 'look, I'll be honest, there is no job, you can get an internship, no pay, we offer the bus pass' "
Plains, Trains, and Automobiles Later...
"I took vacation days to interview, bought my own plane ticket, and paid for my own hotel. First thing the interviewer said was, 'I have no intention of hiring you. This is just a courtesy because I knew your brother.' I had 8 more hours left in my interview day. It was painful."
"They ended up offering me the position many weeks down the road because they couldn't fill the position. I politely declined and got a very passive aggressively worded survey to fill out explaining why I passed."
There's a Right Answer??
"Wanted to work at H&M, got interviewed by the worst person ever."
"One question was and I am legit not lying, 'What is your favorite color and why?' "
"I answered 'baby blue because it's calming and not too harsh to the eyes.' My interviewer then said Oooh, sorry! Red is what we were looking for. And then proceeded to show me the exit."
Last, some shared the times they arrived for the interview excited and enthusiastic, but quickly learned how out of their league the position was.
These interviews looked more like brutal interrogations from the FBI than job interviews.
All the Principals
"Fresh out of college, I was looking for my first teaching job. I applied at a small district for an elementary school position."
"I walked in, expecting the principal and a few teachers. Instead I had the superintendent of the district, some high-level admin, and every single elementary school principal in the district. Probably 15 people in all. They peppered me with questions for 45 minutes."
"I had zero experience, just my student teaching. I did not get the job."
Shove Your Masters
"Finished up a masters degree in physics. Got a phone interview and was was told it would be an introductory chat. Was confronted with a technical interview panel (over the phone) of 6 PhDs, 4 of which had graduated from the research group I had just left. We walked through my research project in about 10 minutes."
"Then the pain began... felt like I'd only learned kindergarten physics."
An Extremely Intimidating Position
"Got an interview for a job as a floor manager at a gigantic steel foundry. I have some background in metallurgy so I thought it'd fit. It paid $90k and I was qualified resume-wise. I got there, turned out it was a group interview with three other applicants, to hear the pitch."
"If something messes up, the company loses $100,000 (some shockingly high amount, I don't remember if it was exactly 100k) per hour and it's your sole responsibility to fix it. They said you'd have to be on call 24/7 to handle anything that comes up."
"I got to the solo part out of curiosity and the interviewer they put me with said something to the effect of 'I know this job sounds bad, but actually it's even worse.' I was desperate for a job because I didn't land one straight out of college, but I was glad not to hear back from them after the interview..."
Here's hoping you don't have a job interview scheduled and this just amplified your anxiety 1000%. The nice thing to remember is that these horror stories are few and far between.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Believe it or not, Canadians don't live in igloos or freeze to death all year round. If you go to Germany, it's highly unlikely that every German you meet will be cold and uninviting. Hop over to the United Kingdom and you're not going to run into tons of people with terrible teeth and bad hygeine.
These are called stereotypes, my friends, and it's best you leave them at the door. People were more than willing to strike down some stereotypes about the countries they know and love after Redditor HelloThere577 asked the online community,
"What are some false stereotypes about your country?"
"When most folks envision Scotland, they think of kilts, whisky, bagpipes, and red hair.
All of those things exist (and are common) here.
People might also imagine verdant hillsides, rocky bluffs, and skies that randomly switch between clear and cloudy.
Once again, that's completely accurate.
However, one stereotype which has absolutely no foundation, in reality, is the assumption that Scotsmen are constantly hunting haggis. In fact, haggis-hunting only takes place in February (which is the season for deosil haggis) and May (which is the season for widdershins haggis). For the rest of the year, the haggis is more or less left alone."
"I am originally from Portugal and moved to the United States. Around 80% of the people that I have met thought Portugal was either in South America, owned by Brazil, or a part of Spain. When I first came here it made me really sad."
"If the wildlife hurts or kills you in Australia, it's generally because you are f***** stupid. You are 10000 times more likely to be injured or killed in a car accident in Australia than by anything in nature."
This is likely very true, but knowing me, I'd probably be easy pickings for one of those huntsman spiders.
"That we end every sentence with "eh" and drink maple syrup by the gallon and have moose and igloos in our backyards."
You mean... you don't?
Just kidding. Canada is lovely––visit sometime. It's a lovely place.
The United States
"That we always have a shotgun at the ready. A shotgun is a home gun where a pistol is your everyday gun. Your revolver is your dress gun, for special occasions. Then of course your assault rifle is for when you're kicking back and cracking open a cold one with the boys."
"Anything related to The Sound of Music."
Probably gets annoying afer a short while. Great movie, though. Still dreaming about a trip to Salzburg.
"A lot of Americans seem to think we're inbred because we're an island. This is dumb, because it's a very big island (10th biggest in the world), and it's not isolated, we've been invaded, invading, and trading with the mainland for thousands of years."
"That we are car thieves. Crime was widespread in Poland in the 90s but today crime (including theft) rate in Poland is low."
"We do gesticulate a lot, but we definitely don't yell like crazy."
It seems Italian Americans are the ones who could learn a thing or two about being more reserved.
"Iceland. We're not some utopian Disneyland filled with quirky superstitious people that all believe in elves."
Remember: The world is an enormous place filled with people from all walks of life, and they don't take too kindly too stereotypes. Expand your horizons by having conversations with as many people as possible. You'd be surprised how quickly your preconceived notions will vanish.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.