Some people are just trash. And we can't help ourselves but fall in love with these fools. We give ourselves to them. We love them and teach how to love. And what do they do? They cheat.
Or turn the relationship into a "Dateline NBC" episode.
I have really heard it all when discussing the reasons for straying outside of a relationship. The fact that some people try to sell their madness with a straight face is commendable. But why do it? If you're not happy... leave.
Redditor u/OneAttention2623 wanted to hear about all the best excuses we've been fed from partners about being a lowdown, dirty, scandalous cheat, by asking:
What is The Dumbest Excuse An Ex Has Given You For Cheating?
It just happened. That one is a favorite. Like it was magic or destiny.
Huh?
Super Bowl Ok GIF by PepsiGiphy"My ex-husband said these exact words to me. "It wasn't anything to do with you. You were never supposed to know." Freaking f**ker!"
"just a friend"
"I didn't wanna break your heart by dumping you. And you thought cheating would be LESS hurtful???? Forget you, Jess. I only found out because her secret boyfriend unexpectedly showed up at our house one night. She went ghost-pale, swore up-and-down that he was "just a friend" and then HE told me then had been doing/dating for several weeks. Who knows how many OTHER guys she was with behind my back over the 10 years we were together."
Angel of Mercy...
"I thought he had cancer."
"Mr. Jenkins, I'm sorry, but it's cancer. It's in your liver now, but we can assume it will metastasize and move throughout your body. There aren't many treatment options that are available to us that stand much of a chance of working."
"Unless... and this is quite unorthodox... but preliminary studies show that freaking u/dreaminggod05*'s significant other may increase your chances of remission by nearly 69%. After all,* u/dreaminggod05 shows no signs of cancer at all, and we have to assume that benefit must be transmitted sexually. The contact info is available on nearly any restroom wall, but I'll write it down for you before you leave."
2 Psychopaths
"I don't owe you an explanation." She cheated on me with my own damned older brother. That was my first serious relationship, y'all. He and I had already been estranged for a few years. It's what happens when you lie to the cops about your mother beating you with an electrical cord and then pull a buck knife on your little brother and tell him you'll assault him with it if he ever talks to you again"
- MC_Crit
LOLOLOLOL
Season 2 Lol GIF by FriendsGiphy"My friend's girlfriend told him that she "forgot she wasn't single anymore" lmfao."
I don't know where to begin. This mess is even beyond Oprah, Brené Brown, Iyanla and Dr. Phil. Just stay single.
You Failed
fail black and white GIFGiphy"He said that it was my fault that he cheated because I raised his confidence so much and he figured if he could get me he could get other girls and he decided to test that theory. A lot."
Eyes Closed
"I was sleep walking."
"There was an episode of "House" where a woman was wondering why her ex who lived in the same complex thinks she wanted him back. When House tells her she's pregnant it turns out she was going to his apartment and was having sex with him in her sleep. I don't remember how it ended because it was just the side plot that led him to figure out the main story."
it's probably not yours…
"When I found out she cheated on me and I asked why, she said "I thought you were going to say we should take a break." When I asked her if the kid was mine or his, she said "it's probably not yours… it could be his or his room mates', to be honest." And that's the magical combination from a fiancé that will send you into depression."
- k0uch
The Most Unexplained Events In History | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
History is littered with unsolved mysteries. Whether those answers are buried somewhere or lost forever, it doesn't stop people from wondering or hypothesizi...You'll love her!
"Hey so I've been meaning to bring this up but I'm actually interested in a poly relationship even though we've been together for years and I've never once mentioned it. You'll love her!" Meanwhile he tried to cut me off from all my male friends. I know quite a few poly people, and see how it works for them, which just added to the bull factor."
Fly Away
thevoiceau stank GIF by The Voice AustraliaGiphy"I only had one man cheated on me in my life and that's my ex-husband. And he basically frame it as, "My butterflies for you has flown to her." What more other explanation do I need right? Makes sense..."
Like a Virgin
"I was not a virgin previous to the relationship, so it was not fair that she had not had sex with someone else."
- ehren123
"My ex bf broke up with me for the same reason when previously we were making plans for the future. And when he found out that other women's vaginas aren't more magical than mine he tried to come back to me lol. But at least he did break up instead of cheat."
Be Natural
"Humans are not naturally monogamous. It doesn't make sense for us to be monogamous, so you really can't blame me for acting naturally."
- moonchz
"I had one similar to this, who told me that the expectation that women not cheat was part of the patriarchy and by expecting her not to, I was being abusive and controlling."
It hurt but I forgave her.
"I found out she cheated on me with a coworker, but admitted it immediately and asked me to forgive her (just got married 3 months before this after 7 years together). It hurt but I forgave her. The next weekend she did it again because "clearly I don't care about her since I didn't get that mad." I wasn't as forgiving the second time, broke some sh*t in our house just to prove how pissed I was, then we split. My life is so much better now."
Daughters
"I had postpartum depression after my third daughter. My daughters were four, three and one when he slept with my neighbor. He said I emotionally pushed him away 🤔."
"Maybe you did. It would be normal and understandable of you had; three small children and depression would make it very difficult to cater to your husband's needs. So, a decent, unselfish and loving husband would understand the stress and difficulty you're experiencing, and would step up to take care of you and the kids while you recuperate, and would make an effort to maintain the emotional connection between the two of you. What an utter failure at being a husband."
Mud
"He didn't "cherish" me. He knew he promised to in his vows but he didn't do it. We divorced in 2012 after 30 years together and he passed a year ago. I'm bittersweet about the whole thing. That man made a mud hole out of my heart by the time I was done."
"best interests"
"You're too emotional and she was giving me advice about you." And "Well I'm much happier now." it's been a year and I'm still seriously f*cked up about it."
"I just posted about mine who said some similar bullsh*t about how she was giving him advice about me. He actually tried to tell me that she had my "best interests" at heart and was doing me a "favor." Yeah, sure."
"This witch I've never met (but who knew I existed and was with my partner) was really looking out for me by jumping on my partner's penis and then sexting him constantly afterward. It's been over a year for me and I'm still messed up about it too. I'm really sorry. Nobody deserves to be betrayed like that, or gaslighted afterward with such absurd, blame-shifting excuses."
I'm Alone
Nbc Idk GIF by Good GirlsGiphy"My Cousin's ex wife cheated on him with her personal trainer and told my cousin it was his fault because he didn't go to the gym with her."
Comfort
"Oooh... I've got a good story about this. I thought something shady was going on with an ex and her work colleague. I asked her about it and she denied it. Then I got confirmation from another friend who also worked with her. He said she was with this dude on the side."
"So I confront her again and asked why she lied when I asked her about this colleague before and also asked why she was cheating. She said whatever she was doing was between her and work colleague, and so it was none of my business. That's why she didn't have to tell me."
Make a Wish
fire birthday GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy"It's my birthday too. During the summer after high school (UK) so was 16, got with a gal who had the same birthday as me unknowingly which was quite funny tbh. Fast forward to her birthday party her family threw for her and invited a bunch of friends, I'll never forget walking up the stairs to see them making out. Was the worst birthday I'd ever had."
- Jazs1994
No Chairs
"Not my story but a couple I was friends with in college. Girlfriend was cheating on her boyfriend for months with a classmate, apparently it started because she had him at her apartment and she had to sit on his lap while they did their work "because of lack of chairs."
I give people points for comedy and ingenuity but come on. I hope in these divorces the scorned took the cheater for EVERYTHING! I would.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Reddit user Ninac4116 asked:
"Who are some exposed frauds that still have a following despite being debunked?"
Playing With Fyre
"That dude that went to prison for fraud for Fyre Festival, Billy McFarland. He is out now and wants to try again."
~ Can_Not_Double_Dutch
"Grifters gonna grift. His sleaziness was already well documented with that credit card/access card BS before the Fyre."
~ mcburloak
"The justice system certainly failed on this one. A long running pattern of documented fraud even before he committed the massive Fyre Festival wire fraud in the amount of millions of dollars and guy is out within a few years."
"What a f*cking joke. There are thousands of people serving more time for drug offenses and stealing 1/100th as much."
~ perfektstranger
* Billy McFarland is an American con artist and convicted felon who co-founded the ill-fated Fyre Festival as well as several other fraudulent businesses.
The New MLM
"All of those YouTube 'financial freedom' classes/courses/programs."
~ TiaMaeLove
"I consider those to be Gen-Z pyramid schemes."
"'Learn how to get passive income by teaching people how to get passive income by teaching people how to get passive income!'."
"'Something, something grind mindset...'."
~ Kurt0690
Totally Not A Cult
"Keith Raniere who started NXIVM too."
"There's still a bunch of women that hang out outside of the prison he's in singing his praises every day."
"It's weird man."
~ HotGarbage
* Keith Raniere is an American cult leader who was convicted of a pattern of racketeering activity, including human trafficking, sex offenses and fraud."
GiphyAlso Totally Not A Cult
"Warren Jeffs and Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS)."
"Dude is literally in prison and still has a significant amount of devout followers."
~ alienwitchkitty
"To be fair, the FLDS is very isolated from the outside world (think no internet). It's possible that they genuinely don't understand the severity and overwhelming evidence of his crimes."
"Though you'd still think that watching your prophet marry children as his brides would set off some red flags."
~ lo_profundo
* Warren Jeffs is an American polygamous cult religious leader who was convicted of several sex crimes and two assisted sex crimes involving children.
"I’m a long time postal worker and I once did an intake at the plant of a pallet of letters from Warren Jeffs. They have to provide us a sample for this kind of mass mailing for billing purposes so I read the letter."
"He was sending it to every church of every denomination within our province (Canada). I imagine other plants got similar pallets."
"The letter was a demand that they give all properties and tithing money over to Warren Jeffs and the board of the FLDS. He wanted every priest/pastor to tell their congregation that they were wrong and would now be following Heavenly Father’s wishes to completely turn over everything to the FLDS and every member was to write letters and make calls demanding Warren’s immediate release."
"This mailing cost was in the thousands of dollars and I suspect every church in Canada received one, potentially tens of thousands in cost. That’s all money from his followers, terrible waste."
"For months afterwards we saw so many of these letters come back through the plant labeled return to sender. I would be completely shocked if they got even one positive reply. Massive waste."
~ janesfilms
Absolutely, Totally Not A Cult
"L Ron Hubbard. My uncle is Scientology level OT8."
"I'll never understand why he buys into it (literally and figuratively)."
~ thatoneguy889
"L. Ron pulled a ‘hold my beer’ before it was even a thing with saying the Ringling brothers (circus guys) were about to be upstaged by the biggest scam in history, then proceeded to write the Scientology books."
"Even knowing Hubbard was a failed sci-fi author, and that he had a history of failed scam attempts, people still believed the Scientology books were educational/historic documents and a guide to a wonderful life/afterlife. Mind blowing."
"Equally if not more of a scam than Joseph Smith reading the gold tablets from a hat, that only he could see and decipher because that is what God wanted. The level of gullibility of mankind throughout history is impressive in all the worst ways."
~ _calmer_than_you_r_
* Lafayette Ronald Hubbard was an American pulp science fiction author and the founder of Scientology.
GiphySleight Of Hand
"Uri Geller."
"He still to this day claims he has mystical powers and won't admit he's just doing magic tricks, despite being exposed by James Randi."
~ agent_x_75228
"The crazy part to me is that he is actually quite talented as a magician."
"He could make a good living just doing magic tricks and billing himself as such."
"He didn't even have to lie to be successful."
~ starmartyr
"His exposure on The Tonight Show with Carson is so fun to watch."
"You almost feel bad for him. Almost."
~ BulljiveBots
* Uri Geller is an Israeli-British television personality and self-proclaimed psychic known for his trademark television performances of spoon bending and other illusions to simulate the effects of psychokinesis and telepathy.
"Dr Phil and Dr Oz."
~ 335i_lyfe
"Oprah has pushed so many terrible people and I feel like it really should be discussed more.
"My mom's been in a cult for years because of her pushing Gwen Shamblin and the Weigh Down diet on her show."
~ _angesaurus
"She propelled so many charlatans and their mumbo jumbo into the mainstream."
~ Dangerpuffins
* Phillip "Dr. Phil" McGraw is an unlicensed clinical psychologist and TV personality who appeared as a relationship and life strategy expert on The Oprah Winfrey Show whose methods have been called "exploitative" and "appallingly cruel."
* Dr. Mehmet Oz is a television presenter and physician who appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show and his own program which drew criticism from the medical community for false medical claims and pseudoscience including faith healing and various paranormal beliefs.
GiphyBody By...
"The Liver King guy, Brian Johnson, not sure if he still claims to be natural though."
~ RegularEmbarrassed36
"Dudes got a physique that is pretty much impossible to achieve natural."
"Like it's still hard work even if you're not natty. But don't give other kids the idea it's achievable."
~ herroebauss
"It's not just him giving kids the idea, he's quite literally RIPPING THEM OFF, selling all these products, selling his lifestyle, taking their money pretending that he's helping them."
~ battleduck84
"He admitted he was using steroids, went clean for a bit, and unless there's been developments in the last few months he's back on steroids and claiming he's not."
~ blames_irrationally
* Brian "Liver King" Johnson is an American fitness social media influencer.
Who Profits From The "Prosperity Gospel"?
"Joel Osteen"
~ Blue_Period_89
"The guy just sells toxic positivity, begs for more money, and claims it under the Christian God. I'm a Christian and I can say with full confidence that what he teaches is NOT what Jesus is about."
~ cutiegirl88
"Pretty much all of the mega church leaders are frauds."
~ usedmotoroil
"I'd say 100% of them. It is anti-Christian. Any excess should be given back to the communities they are in."
"That's why they don't get taxed. But now it's just a grift."
"They don't give a f*ck about anything other than the size of their bank accounts."
~ theshane0314
"Absolutely 100% they are frauds and lying weasels."
"Osteen or Copeland or any of the others who unabashedly pound the pulpit, so to speak, on the 'prosperity gospel'—they have incorporated their sin as their strength in the eyes of their followers and those imbeciles eat it up."
~ Thunderhorse74
* Joel Osteen is an American televangelist, businessman based in Houston, Texas and one of the more prominent figures associated with "prosperity theology" and a focus of its critics.
GiphyFilipino Fraudsters
"Bongbong Marcos and his family."
"Their family literally stole billions from the Filipino people yet they are still out of prison. Their family matriarch, Imelda, was even sentenced to prison for graft, but no one dared to arrest her."
"Bongbong is now even president of the Philippines and has a huge cult following because of how they tried to distort history."
~ holyguacamole-
* Ferdinand "Bongbong" Marcos Jr. is the second child and only son of former president, kleptocrat and dictator Ferdinand Marcos and former First Lady Imelda Marcos.
The Power Of Motorola Compels You!
"Faith healer and psychic Peter Popoff. The divine voices he heard were actually his wife using a radio."
"He’s still selling his 'Miracle Water'."
~ SnooChipmunks126
"Popoff was exposed in an investigation on a news show.
"He 'retired to a quiet life of contemplation' when it aired which everyone knew was horsesh*t."
"A couple years later he’s back grifting."
~ Renaissance_Slacker
* Peter George Popoff is a German-born American televangelist, charlatan, debunked clairvoyant and faith healer.
GiphyNo, Vaccines Don't Cause Autism
"Andrew Wakefield, who was trying to get his own vaccine approved, so he tried to make it look like another vaccine was a problem."
"He did research without getting proper consent, falsified results, and so on."
"He's become the darling of the vaccines-cause-autism crowd, even though his behavior was so egregious that he lost his medical license."
~ DrHugh
"Oh it's so much worse. Wakefield's alternative vaccine (cofounded by a quack who didn't have a medical license, believed he could cure autism with his bone marrow, and had his name spelled wrong on the patent) was a cash-grab, to capitalise further on the greater scheme."
"He was paid to discredit the MMR vaccine by a lawyer who recognised the amount of money there was in suing the manufacturer on behalf of concerned parents, in collaboration with a then-small group of parents who believed it made their children autistic (called "JABS") who have since rocketed in popularity as a direct result of the whole debacle."
"Wakefield lost his license primarily because he did not receive informed consent for procedures. Not only did the handouts he gave to the parents not even mention all the procedures performed, but they did not mention risks. The handouts literally do not contain the word 'risk'."
"He also lied. A lot. Like, the results of his study were shaky at best, and half of them were just completely made up."
"Oh, and giving colonoscopies to children ended up being a horrible idea, because one of them got a perforated bowel. He f*cked up that kid's life forever. It's... disgusting."
"Autism isn't actually that bad. And it's kinda disgusting that it was being treated as something worth risking actual death to avoid.
"Also, the head of Andrew Wakefield's hospital at the time of his departure (when he got fired because his colleagues got sick of his sh*t) went on to describe him as, quote, 'a Wanker and a Fraud'."
~ Otherversian-Elite
How Is He—either one—Still A Thing?
"Logan Paul. This really annoys me. The dude has been called out for multiple crypto scams and yet I still see his sh*tty energy drink all over grocery stores and gas stations.
"I really hope he goes down for real."
~ Zelgon
"It's crazy that he even still has a following after everything he's said and done."
"People were actually cheering and rooting for him in his recent scammer vs scammer joke of a boxing match."
~ labwongames
"The world isn't running out of unattended 5-10 year olds with iPads anytime soon. That's why he still has a following."
"Or am I thinking of Jake Paul? Eh, two sh*ts, same a**hole."
~ The-Mighty-Caz
"When I taught middle school several of my students were huge fans of Logan or Jake Paul. They’d come to school in their merch and listen to their sh*tty music while they did class work."
~ SadandBougie
* Logan Paul—once called "the face of douchebag entitlement" and Jake Paul—known for prank videos—are brothers and American YouTubers who started out posting sketches on Vine.
Giphy"Multi-Level Marketing (MLMs). The vast majority of people who sign up for them make very little and a significant number lose money."
"And yet, they're everywhere."
~ LadyMageCOH
"99% of MLM sellers lose money. It’s only those at the very top that actually make anything at all."
"It’s such a scam and a fraud!"
~ greens_beans_queen
"That's why they used to be called pyramid schemes. They came up with the term MLM to make it sound better."
~ Bijorak
45
"Donald Trump/MAGA… the guy has over 50 felony charges and civil cases for fraud and rape and still has followers?"
"It’s cuckoo bananas."
"He is a con artist… and it’s so glaringly obvious!"
~ Acceptable-Bullfrog1
"I try not to be Trump this Trump that, but this is what immediately came to mind."
"He’s not good at business. He’s not good at being president. He’s oblivious to rules he doesn’t want to observe. They think he’s Christian and like, when have you seen him going to church even to fake it?
Everything he does is as obvious as his fake tan that makes him look like Magda (MAGAda? 😃) from Something About Mary.
"His MAGA minions claim they’re these shrewd people that show up on the car lot and get exactly what they want for less than it’s worth when really they’re the type to show up on the lot and leave with a Hummer they don’t need and can’t afford."
~ Orgasmic_interlude
GiphyIn the words of Carl Sagan:
"One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle."
"We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth."
"The bamboozle has captured us. It’s simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we’ve been taken."
"Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.”
~ Carl Sagan, The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark
What proven frauds, scammers and grifters would you add to the list?
