Reddit user miaah214 asked: 'People who have cheated before, why did you do it?'
When it comes to the dating scene, most of us have a pretty low opinion of people who choose to cheat on their partners, not to mention serial cheaters.
But that doesn't seem to stop some people from doing the deed.
Curious, Redditor miaah214 asked:
"People who have cheated before, why did you do it?"
"He cheated first, and I was young, petty, and thought revenge would make me feel better."
Immature and Selfish
"Unbridled ego, unsatisfying regular sex life, and a girl who threw herself at me."
"I was an idi*t, I acted like an a**hole, and I will regret it for the rest of my life."
"It was a hard truth to face. It was a dark time in my life where my ego and my immaturity caused me to hurt several people I loved."
"Fortunately, I learned from it, and while I can't take back the pain I caused, at least now I know that I am 100% capable of being an a**hole and so can choose not to be one."
"Insecurity. I was always on the lookout for someone who would make me feel more desirable than the last. It was a serious youthful lack of judgment."
"Once I grew up emotionally, I realized what a piece of s**t I was and the hurt I caused. Hard to live with, to be honest."
"100% pure lust. That’s it. I’m not proud of it."
Lots of Options
"Willing partners. It was amazing how many times when I did have a steady girlfriend that I would suddenly get propositioned by random women or worse yet, my girlfriend's friends or sisters."
"Too many times to be a fluke."
"It was like they figured if you are in a relationship, you're worth pursuing."
"But when I was single, most times I couldn't get a woman's attention."
"So it was an ego boost, but ultimately, I decided to be a better person, and I met a person who I truly thought was 'the one.'"
"And to a certain extent I did, it just didn't last through no fault of my own."
In Need of Validation
"When you grow up being in turn neglected and told you're not good enough, validation is like a drug, and intimacy is the ultimate validation."
"Sooooo much therapy to undo this."
"This. I’m just recently realizing how I didn’t receive enough attention and validation from my parents and how much it’s influenced my choices. Meeting someone and having them be into me physically is the easiest validation boost I can find."
"People who grew up with parents actually interested in them and with an instilled sense of self-confidence don’t know how good they have it."
"I don’t inherently feel important or relevant so I’m always looking for someone to tell me otherwise."
The Thrill of It
"Because I was a f**king a**hole 20-year-old who only thought of himself and getting some action. The high of it."
"I'm 37 now. No cheating since then."
The Real Joy
"My ex was done in the bedroom and even said they were no longer interested in me physically or sexually."
"I should have left at that point, but with kids and the financial hit of divorce, I just looked to fulfill that need."
"I later divorced, and it was a big financial hit, but oh my god, what a relief it was getting out. Getting out of an abusive relationship is where the true pleasure comes from."
In Need of Attention
"My partner cheated on me shortly after I had his baby. I wanted to leave, but I convinced myself to stay. The logistics of having a baby and 24-hour care are challenging on your own. He refused to have sex with me."
"At some point, someone got me in a weak spot. Somewhere between exhaustion, low self-esteem, and the sheer opportunity of having an orgasm were too strong for me. I’m deeply ashamed."
"Shortly after I picked myself up, the relationship ended. I should have left sooner."
"Someone telling you that you are beautiful, talented, and special after being invisible can feel like a drug. I don’t expect sympathy from anyone for my actions. But I do have a lot of sympathy for others now."
The Easier Option
"Because I chose a cowardly and easy path. Instead of going to therapy and ending my toxic relationship, I cheated on them with someone who I had convinced myself I was in love with and loved me."
"As it turns out, breaking up with someone is a lot less harmful to everyone involved than cheating."
"Not me, but a guy friend cheated and the reason he gave was that he loved his fiancée but they had very different sex drives."
"He also said that when he brought it up to her (the difference in their sex drives and the problems it would cause) she begged him not to leave and insisted it wouldn’t be an issue."
"He told her it already WAS an issue and, as a last resort, she said she would understand if SOME DAY he felt the need to look elsewhere…just as long as she never found out."
"The girl admitted to saying all this but explained that she would have said anything for them to stay together in that moment, she didn’t think he’d actually be 'f**ked up enough to cheat' and she never imagined he would do it so soon."
The Perfect Combination
"A perfect storm of poor impulse control, untreated mental illness, and boredom."
"People on the moral high ground will tell you not to cheat for reasons like morality and integrity; from the moral low ground, I can tell you that the lifelong guilt, shame, and remorse are not worth it."
"Because the relationship was done and I was already moving on emotionally. I just didn't care about her enough to care whether she was hurt or not. Honestly, in hindsight, I have zero idea why we were still together. It DID make the eventual breakup a lot messier."
"I was young and it taught me an important lesson. If you're done, just be done and leave. There's no point in dragging it out. If you're ready to start looking for another relationship, start by ending the relationship you're already in."
Ready to Make Up for It
"I had a perceived lack of affection. I felt ugly and disgusting and like I was just an emotional tampon."
"I would never do it again. In therapy, I learned a lot about the reasons I did what I did and in all honesty, if she would even entertain the idea of trying again, I’d spend every day making up for it and making sure she felt more love then can be imagined."
"I’m currently fulfilling into the man I know I can be. I just wish it took a more positive trigger in order to start that for me."
Let's end it -- the article, that is -- on a lighter note.
The Worst Kind of Cheating
"My wife wasn’t around. The house was empty."
"I couldn’t wait for her to get home, so I watched the next episode without her knowing."
"Honey, if you’re reading this… I’m so sorry."
"You're a monster."
It's so hard to imagine what's going on inside someone else's head or why they might choose to do the things that they do, especially if it's something we don't agree with.
It's at least heartening to see that many of these Redditors used these experiences as learning opportunities and have since gone on to treat the most treasured people in their lives a little differently.
Reddit user newlymoneyedrapper asked: 'What is the worst excuse you've heard from someone who cheated?'
When it comes to the dating scene, we all know there are going to be rough moments, from awkward dates to being ghosted to heart-shattering breakups. But the thing everyone hopes will never happen is to be cheated on.
After all, if someone has the intention or inclination to cheat, why would they choose to date at all?
Already cringing at the thought, Redditor newlymoneyedrapper asked:
"What is the worst excuse you've heard from someone who cheated?"
Not 'Meant' for Monogamy
"When they get caught, they try to play the 'humans aren't meant to be monogamous' card."
"I'm like, 'If you don't believe in monogamy, why did you even marry in the first place only to cheat later? You could join a free love hippies commune at any time. But that's not what you did...'"
Coming Out as Polyamorous
"I know a girl that cheated, and when she was inevitably caught, said she was 'coming out' as polyamorous."
"She was dead serious and fully expected our support and everything."
"The difference between polyamory and cheating is informed mutual consent among all parties."
"It's not a sexual orientation, you can't just 'come out' as polyamorous. It's something your partner(s) have to know about and (willingly, not coerced) agree to. Otherwise, you're cheating and making excuses for your s**tty behavior."
"Lmao (laughing my a** off), get out of here. Actual poly people would know how important communication is beforehand."
"I would have laughed in her stupid, cheating face."
So, Grief Is An Aphrodisiac Now?
"She said, 'It was the anniversary of my cousin's death and I wasn't in my right mind. You know how upset I was. Blaming me is classic victim blaming. You should be COMFORTING me!'"
"This was AFTER I offered to stay with her for the night but she said she wanted to be alone."
"I wish I could say I immediately left her, but it took two months and a second cheating incident. That time she said she was upset over a bad grade (seriously)."
"I walked away. And I blocked her. The bizarre part is how she kept trying to contact me for four years after that. She even confronted me in the parking lot on my first day of work, begging me to take her back. Why f**k around so indiscriminately if you want to be with someone?"
"Anyway, I stopped trying to figure her out long ago."
"It was my first relationship (age 15 to 18), and I was a naive fool."
"I'm not jaded now, but I know a h**l of a lot better."
"I am sure her cousin would have been very proud of her using his death as an excuse to cheat and then call herself the victim."
Everyone Hates Mercury Retrograde
"My ex was very into astrology. She cheated and later blamed the great American eclipse of August 2017."
"SORRY I KEYED YOUR CAR, LOL (LAUGHING OUT LOUD). I'M SUCH AN ASPARAGUS."
"I think you mean the MOON is in GATORADE."
So Sweet of them
"'I didn’t even enjoy it, because I was thinking about you the whole time, and I felt terrible.”
Those Undeniable Needs
"He said, 'You were at the hospital for two weeks. A man has needs."
"My girlfriend had a contagious skin infection for several months, and the post-infection management was even longer. We put off sex for about a whole year, and not once did thoughts of cheating occur to me."
"I’m sorry you had to endure that. Not all men are like him."
Growing the Family, and the Relationship
"They said, 'My wife was pregnant, so I wasn't getting any.'"
"If I remember correctly, pregnancy is the time or one of the times when women are cheated on the most."
"This breaks my heart."
At Least It Didn't "Matter"
"They said, 'It’s not like it meant anything.' Oh good, glad we cleared that up."
"Yet you threw our relationship away over it. So what I'm hearing is I mean less than nothing to you."
"He really said, 'I’m just on Tinder to confirm that there’s nothing better out there. It helps me appreciate you more.'"
Getting a Jump on Things
"My previous partner told me that he cheated because he insisted that he 'thought I was going to break up with him anyways,' so he started seeing other women."
"I believe this was just another one of his manipulation tactics to put the blame on ME for his actions. To this day, I cannot fathom the mental gymnastics he had to do to justify his decisions... Lol (laughing out loud)."
"I wonder if he's familiar with the term 'self-fulfilling prophecy'?"
"Well, he is now."
Cheat or Be Cheated On
"My last boyfriend said he cheated because he thought I had already cheated. But I did not cheat on him."
"He felt like an a**face when he realized I didn't... But he lowkey still thinks I did."
For the Sake of the Relationship
"My college roommate would cheat on his girlfriend a few times a semester, and then feel awful about it and realize how much he loved his girlfriend."
"He started to rationalize that 'you need to cheat to stay faithful.'"
Opportunities to Cheat
"Oh, this thread reminds me of my ex, who was just a complete s**tbag."
"He didn't cheat, but he nearly did, and he told me about it and said 'Hey, I was really drunk and still didn't cheat, everyone around was so so proud of me and said I must really like you. They all thought I did amazing for not cheating on you even though I had a proper chance to do it, so I thought I'd tell you about it.'"
"I just raised my eyebrow at him. I remember that I did hang up on him a few times and told him that it wasn't massively impressive when he was being a d**k. He was very abusive so I couldn't safely leave him, though. If it was safe to do so, I would've dumped his a** right there and then."
"I know he's on Reddit so he'll likely see this, and good riddance because he's a complete t**t. If you see this, you know who you are, and I think you can go to h**l for what you did to me."
All About the Rush
"The answer is because cheaters get off on cheating. It gives them a thrill that a 'normal' relationship can't give them."
"This is why I say cheaters will always cheat, because they crave the excitement of it."
"They don't give a s**t about monogamy or non-monogamy; they just find it fun to cheat. They also enjoy chasing after other people who are in relationships because it's more fun for them to chase after someone who's already taken rather than to find someone who's not."
"In other words, they're sociopaths who get off on causing misery to satisfy their own selfish desires."
It's clear why these Redditors thought these were the worst explanations for cheating.
Not only do some of them not make sense, but they're a total dismissal of the cheater's accountability in the relationship.
While realizing that a partner you loved was cheating is already bad enough, it seems that receiving a terrible, ingenuine reason for the act would only serve to make it worse.
Cheating is one of those actions in a relationship that is super divisive.
Most people are either dead-set against it or basically all about it.
But there are some who could understand how it could happen, and others who were willing enough to discuss what led them down that road of possibility, to begin with.
Redditor polyaprotic asked:
"People who cheated in a relationship, why?"
Adventures Gone Wrong
"He had a side chick who was my best friend (she thought we were in a poly relationship but it was just him who wanted us both) so I cheated on him with her and stole his side chick."
"I told him I’d be okay with it if it wasn’t just him who got to date my best friend and me and that us girls also got to date."
"He told her I was okay with it just being him dating us, even though it was really me she wanted to date and he was just an extra since I was dating him at the time."
"I stayed with her for a while, but we mutually decided we were better as friends and are still best friends to this day."
"25 years in the military working away, I never once cheated on my wife. But after leaving the military, I was so busy working and earning, we started to grow apart."
"We both knew it but crucially, I buried my head in the hopes things would get better."
"She had a brief affair, citing the gap between us as the reason. She never once talked to me or tried to improve things but then again neither did I."
"The difference being I still loved my wife but she fell out of love with me... look after what you have as you never know when it will be gone."
"I do blame myself. Yes, she had the affair and she owns that and the fallout from it, but I created the conditions that allowed it to happen. I knew things weren't okay."
"There is so much more in hindsight that I could have said or done but didn't. That is on me."
"I was young, selfish, and broken."
"It was a decision I made, selfishly, getting caught up in the heat of things and not taking someone I loved into consideration when I did it. Just outright generally being an a**hole all around, something I’ve thought about over the years and deeply regretted."
"Once you really hurt someone like that, it truly sticks in your mind and you never forget it."
"You can’t take it back, ya know? You can only make sure you never make such a terrible action again."
"Cheating is just a form of lying. It's not the cheating that's the problem, it's a symptom of a bigger problem which is lying."
One Similarity Between Bullying and Cheating: Self-Esteem
"I don’t think malice is usually the root of cheating, I think low self-esteem is. One can hate themselves so badly, that they cheat to prove to themselves that 'they still got it' or 'they win at life,' but it usually leads to just more drama, like they cheat to hurt someone else (that’s where malice comes in)."
"As for the person they cheat with… sometimes kind of the same thing… they hate themselves to the point of having to get the high of stealing what’s not theirs? 'One up' another man or woman, so to speak."
"Many times it’s the low self-esteem of lying to themselves that 'if it’s meant to be' or 'the cheater wouldn’t cheat if things weren’t really bad.' 'I’ve never felt this way before, it must be right,' etc. But in their heart, they know it’s trash reasoning, and they will feel like s**t in the end. Hurt people hurt themselves and others."
"And then of course, sometimes the person is just another victim of the cheater, who said she/he was single. And we all feel for that person, because they thought they met someone single and special, and it was doomed from the beginning."
"I dropped my best friend of 20 years when she became so desperate that she started entertaining the thought of affairs with married men I knew. She was never previously that type of woman… but she was hitting her late 20s, and just getting so desperate to find someone and settle down. I loved her as a friend, but I was no longer recognizing the girl I once knew."
"We as a society can’t preach but then stand by. Her act was selfish, and not only affected her but affected so many of our friends that knew the family. When I walked away, to my surprise, so did everybody. I felt bad for her, but I wasn’t going to be a part of a family being torn apart."
"Luckily in the end, the guy she was interested in didn’t cheat on his wife, and the family is still intact 15 years later, doing great."
All Part of the Wedding Planning...
"Reason given was, 'one last fling before the ring.'"
"If that’s what you decide to do before you get married, why even get married in the first place? What a waste of f**king time. I’ll never understand people like that."
Exiting Abusive Relationships
"My ex-wife was incredibly abusive and controlling, and she used violence and the police to keep me from leaving her."
"Women around me started to sympathize and approach me, and I was so starved for affection that I didn't even hesitate."
"I found the love of my life and we've been together for eleven years now. We've never even had a serious fight, it's bliss."
The Last First Kiss
"I was the other guy. A woman I'd known for a couple of years was becoming increasingly disillusioned with her husband, he was drinking too much and getting more and more emotionally and verbally abusive, and we had a two-month fling because she wanted to feel valued again."
"She dumped me and told me she was going to make a proper go of her marriage, she gave him six months to quit drinking or she was going to kick him out, he just got worse, and the final straw was when he drunkenly dragged their eldest kid out of bed at 2:00 AM to berate him about the state of his bedroom."
"She kicked him out. A week later, we hooked up again. 22 years and two grown-up children later, our fling is going quite well."
The Apology Isn't Coming
"I was selfish, I can think of a hundred reasons why I did, but in the end, I was just selfish. I do not have many regrets in my life but that one will stay with me forever. A life lesson learned the hard way."
"My ex-girlfriend cheated on me (I'll have to see her for a while because I had a son by her). Reading things like this gives me hope that one day she'll look at herself and finally admit how badly she hurt me."
"Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you learned and hope you'll treat your current or future significant others with much more respect."
"Closure doesn't come from other people. Don't hang your hopes on getting closure from her."
"My ex is happy as a pig in s**t. He has no regrets."
"If my happiness was based on his apology, I'd still be unhappy."
Long-Distance Relationships Aren't For Everyone
"I blamed cheating on being in a long-distance relationship. I think it's really that people like attention and can't turn away from it when it becomes something more."
"I personally would feel bad about it when it happened and wouldn't want to put someone else through that, and yet I'd keep doing it."
"But then I got cheated on later in a different relationship and actually got to feel the hurt. It's not something I'd want to do someone again."
Just Another Part of the Relationship
"Everyone is different. Some people were raised around it and therefore, it was normalized from a young age."
"Some people are cheated on early and often. When you're young and immature, some people don't have the capacity to really think about how their actions can affect other people."
"For me, my first, like, four or five girlfriends all deceived me and cheated on me in some capacity. And a lot of it was my being too clingy and emotionally needy and I would guilt them when they tried to leave me (which stemmed from a toxic, abusive childhood where love was a transaction or manipulation of some kind). And then when they did finally leave me and I found out they were talking to/dating/f**king other dudes beforehand, I extrapolated it to all women and figured it's just what they are all going to do anyway."
"It's twisted myopia birthed out of insecurity and inexperience. Most 20-year-olds don't possess the humility to consider the possibility they have no clue what they are talking about because they feel things so deeply and passionately."
"Ultimately, my experience was that I was conditioned to believe cheating was just a part of life and if everyone is doing it then on some level, it was okay. People get older and wiser. If you don't believe people can grow up, of course, you're going to believe things like 'Once a cheater, always a cheater,' but I sincerely question the growth and progress of a person with such a static view of humanity."
"I walked in on her with a co-worker, so I revenge cheated with someone close to her. It created a triangle of emotional damage. But I learned how to process the bad stuff in a healthier way once the dust settled from the three of us destroying each other."
"I was tempted to revenge cheat, but then I thought about it and realized that being a cheater was who he is, not who I am. I filed for divorce instead."
The Coward's Way Out
"I was young and dumb, not really ready to commit, and too much of a coward to break it off."
"I’ve had a few cowards in my time."
"I just don’t understand it. It’s like ripping a Band-Aid off! Get it over and done with and not destroy your partner's trust in relationships. I bloody hate cowards."
A Wrench in the Family Gears
"I want people to know… your kids WILL FIND OUT. Maybe not right away, but eventually, and they never look at you the same, speaking from experience. I was bartending, and my dad’s different friends and employees all would go on to get drunk and confirm things for me over the years."
"I had a strained relationship with my father and I didn't like him very much as a person at times but I still respected him when I was younger. His problem was he always talked to me like I was his buddy instead of his son and overshared. A few times he would talk to me about one-night stands he'd had (despite me telling him I didn't want to know)."
"He was either too stupid to realize I would figure out it was when he was married to my mother or he didn't care. When he left my mother for another woman I was disappointed in him. When I found out he cheated on her several times I was disgusted with him and lost a lot of respect for him."
The Pain of Discovery
"She found out. She cried a lot."
"I saw the amount of hurt I caused her. Honestly, I'm still not sure if I've changed. But I want to. That's a starting point for me."
"For real: being able to understand how another person feels is the beginning of empathy. It’s something that cannot be taught but is so essential for a healthy life and society. You gotta keep leaning into it even when it hurts."
"My wife finding out was the turning point for me, too. I thought she would be mad, yelling at me, and we would argue and she would eventually cool down. That is the culture I was raised with."
"Instead, she broke down, and she was just hysterically crying for the entire day, saying she wanted to die and that she can never trust anyone ever again."
"It genuinely shook me to my core, and all I wanted to do was comfort her but I couldn't because I was the person who made her that way. It made me feel a sense of guilt and shame that I shiver even thinking about today."
"She found out I was cheating on her at the club I was working at. Not with anyone, in particular, just random girls here or there. We got a divorce and got remarried three years later, and have been married for 20 years since."
While some of these stories are to be expected, some of them were genuinely surprising.
This just goes to show that you never really know what's going on in another person's relationship or what could be the reason for its failing.
There are two groups of people in this world.
Those who believe in monogamy and those who don't.
People cheat. It's just the way some humans work.
If you're an avid soap opera fan, as I am, then you'll understand that infidelity is part of the package.
Redditor zabalansu wanted to know why we cheat, so they asked:
"Why did you cheat on your partner?"
I've cheated. Because I knew it was already over and I was too much a coward to admit it.
Bad IdeasTom And Jerry Reaction GIFGiphy
"I was drinking and doing a lot of drugs... it honestly turned me into a careless piece of crap for a long time!"
"I cheated once, and it was because she'd cheated on me. I'd already been cheated on before so it was like: 'Well: this time I'm getting revenge.'"
"I didn't feel any better. Made me feel almost as shi**y as I thought she was. She was angry as f**k, but I can't honestly say it was any different than any of the other gals that get pissed off when you break up with them. Haven't cheated since."
"If you're getting cheated on, don't demean yourself by sinking to their level. Just give 'em the boot."
"Because I truly had no idea what a healthy or functional relationship looked like. My parents were married for almost 30 years and had already started the cycle of cheating on each other well before I was born. My grandma used to tell me stories of being friends with my grandpa’s girlfriends 'because she just wasn’t toxic and jealous like other women.'"
"In the relationship where I cheated, I was being treated like garbage. Financially supporting us both even though I was ten years younger and a waitress, enduring a lot of abuse from a very broken man. I felt trapped in the same cycle I had watched my mom and my grandma live, I didn’t really know better."
"A guy at work started paying attention to me, and I loved it. He was sweet and poetic and romantic, committed to helping his sister raise his niece, was out of the house and working instead of drinking my paycheck away and punching holes in my walls. A little harmless work flirting quickly escalated and before I knew it, I was having a whole a** affair."
"I started to prepare myself to leave my boyfriend for my affair partner, when I found out that my boyfriend had been cheating on me with anyone he could find on Craigslist (including stealing money from me to pay sex workers). Any guilt I felt for cheating evaporated right then."
"I threw all my clothes in a trash bag and drove to my affair partners house, ready to start our new life together. He had another girl over, basically admitted that a lot of what he had said to me was because he thought I would never leave. All in all, it was a mess. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, do the work that will either fix it or get you out. That new person is flawed too. They won’t fix you or fulfill you, only you can do that."
"Because my wife told me that she was no longer interested in having sex with me, she didn't want me having it with anyone else, and she 'forbade' me from watching porn (I still did the latter, but we could never discuss it or she'd freak out.)"
"So to get my sexual needs met by someone other than myself, for several years, a few times per year I paid a sex worker for a happy ending massage. This was still cheating, but I rationalized it as the 'mildest form' of cheating possible. No chance of an STI, no chance of an unwanted pregnancy, no emotional involvement. I knew it was wrong, but at the time I felt like it was my best choice out of several lousy choices."
"I realize now I should have just said at the time, 'I want a divorce.' That's where we ended up anyway, and I would have saved myself, my wife, and our kids some needless pain over the years. By cheating on her (and hiding it from her), I made it so much worse when she eventually found out."
"To cheaters on here, I would say: get out of your relationship. If you're cheating, you're clearly not happy. Do yourself and your partner a favor and just end it now, before it all goes to hell."
The Worstmaury GIFGiphy
"Because I wasn't over my ex and when she came knocking I didn't value my new relationship enough and crossed a line I never will lower myself to cross again. You feel like sh*t for years after it, really not worth it no matter how you try to justify it to yourself at the time."
Getting over and getting under... all stressful options.
A MessSteve Harvey Reaction GIFGiphy
"Drunk and being hit on by a bendy yoga teacher. Got caught in the same day. It was a sh**show."
In the Dark Place
"I came here to try and understand what goes on in someone's head when this happens because I've been cheated on sexually and emotionally. Instead I'm just left feeling sorry for the people in this thread. So many people in such a dark place pulling their partners down to an equally dark place. I hope everyone here that has cheated has grow and gotten help. And that they can pursue a healthy and fulfilling relationship after they've grown past that."
"For the people that have been cheated on, I'm sorry all of you went through that and I hope it never happens again. Sometimes it feels like something I'll never fully recover from and other times I refuse to let past hurts ruin the chance of something good happening. So I want the people who have been hurt by their partners cheating to know just because it's happened once doesn't mean it will again and good things can still happen for you."
"Because I was too chicken s**t to get a divorce because I was wildly unhappy and too proud to go to therapy to fix the marriage. So I cheated, got caught, and have since been to a ton of therapy and am getting a divorce. Even though I’m happy to have this relationship in my rear view, cheating is my life’s biggest regret."
That's messed up...
"This was me a decade ago. It was just one time. I had somehow rationalized if I cheated he could then just hate me. That would hurt less than me telling him I didn't love him anymore and I wanted out. He was a good partner, but I fell out of love with him."
"The latter would've been the honorable thing to do. He was going to be hurt either way! I was just doing mental gymnastics to justify my reasoning - really I just liked the attention that I wasn't getting at home. That's messed up. I worked a lot on myself and go to therapy. I'm a much better partner now, and I haven't done it since."
WorthlessWill Smith Smh GIF by The Academy AwardsGiphy
"Because she cheated on me first. I don’t ever recommend such a stupid f**king decision. It isn’t worth it, folks. I normally considered myself strong and stoic before that? I don’t have a foot to stand on now. It wasn’t worth it."
"I felt an intimacy connection with someone which I’d never had before. In retrospect it’s one of the dumbest and stupidest things I ever could have done. It wasn’t at all worth what it has now become. I’ve lost my entire family and have no respect from the people that matter most to me. 10/10 would not recommend and would never do again. I lost it all for something that never even really mattered. I had it all in front of me, I just refused to see it."
Well, love isn't always forever and intimacy is something we work on every single day.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Many relationships that have soured tend to lend themselves to infidelity.
Yet, people who have fallen out of love with their significant others make the conscious decision to stay in their respective relationships anyway.
Why is that?
Curious to hear from heartbreakers on the internet, Redditor Tsuibug asked:
"People who have cheated on their partners, why?"
For some, it was motivated out of retaliation.
A Harsh Lesson
"I was In the Army; I married a girl from my hometown. She kept cheating on me and accusing me of cheating, it must have gone on for 4 separate guys before I finally cheated on her."
"The reason I did it was I felt like a fool being faithful to someone who obviously didn’t care about how I felt."
"Even then when I did it; I had a stomach ache and did not feel any less of a fool in fact; I felt like a bigger one. I felt empty and hollow."
"It was when I was overseas in Korea attempting to fix things that she had a 'friend' over while we were face timing. Her replies were cold and unwelcoming even though we had agreed to work it out. She kept looking over the device and smuggly smiling at someone. I was done, over it. I didn’t speak to her again until the divorce hearing."
"A lesson well learned."
The Three Positions
"I have been in all 3 positions."
"Been Cheated On."
"Been the Cheater."
"Been the Person Someone Cheated with."
"Almost all of them come down to insecurity, you get a sense of power, invincibility, ego boost in 2 of those 3 positions up above."
"I've cheated because I was trying to get some of that power back. I was with someone who made me feel insecure and powerless, and someone else came along who made me feel good about myself for a little while."
Mistakes made early in life can usually be more forgivable.
"I held hands with another girl when I was in 5th grade. Very ashamed to admit that."
Chalking It Up To Immaturity
"I was young, immature, full of myself and lacked feelings."
The "Player Phase"
"Same. In my early 20s, I was insecure, jealous, anger issues etc. A over all pos. I called it my 'player phase' but it was just toxic behavior. I grew up(thank god), met my gf and been together for 10 years, getting married next month. Never have and will never cheat on her. As corny as it sounds, she's my soul mate."
The One Regret
"A lot of it had to do with age and immaturity I agree. If I could go back in time I wouldn’t have hurt as many girls as I did, that’s the one thing I regret. I am also dating and living with someone who I am going to marry one day. I just wish I didn’t hurt many others to get here."
At least these Redditors are self-aware.
Not An Excuse
"Misery. Not an excuse, but it is the reason."
Eventual Path To Happiness
"We hadn’t had sex in over a year. We had turned into just good friends who cared about each other but physical passion was gone. There was significant liquor involved when it happened. I feel bad about it and would take it back if I could but I can’t. I was honest about what happened and we broke up. We are still close friends and we still care about each other a lot. She has found someone else who is better suited for her than me and I’m very happy for her. In a way, it was the catalyst to us doing what needed to be done in the relationship (breaking up) to make us both happy."
When Compatibility Is An Issue
"Not sure if it's cheating or not but I tried to break up with my ex and she started crying and pleading with me to give it another chance which broke my heart and I reluctantly said okay. Tried again a couple weeks later because the relationship wasn't getting any better but same thing happened. She was a really nice girl and we got along well but our personalities were way too different and I wasnt willing to make her my life partner."
"I decided to go on a wilderness backpacking trip by myself to clear my head. At work I told a girl who I knew through mutual friends about it and she said she's never done a backpack trip and always wanted to, so I jokingly invited her and to my surprise she accepted and was super excited."
"During the trip we really got to know each other and I decided I would like to pursue a relationship with her. We slept in the same tent and drank whiskey under the stars but I didn't try to kiss or get sexual I'm any way because I was still technically in a relationship."
"Once we got home I broke up for good and 3yrs later we are engaged. Turns out me not trying to make any moves on her made her trust me more than any other guy and we are living a great life together!"
It's easy to forever peg someone as a cheater after one regrettable moment of weakness.
But based on some of the responses above, the reasons for cheating are much more complicated than you might think.
Still there are no good excuses for deceiving someone to whom you're presumably devoted.
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