Back in school, my creative writing teachers always stressed that you only had a few seconds to truly snag your reader's attention. It wasn't a skill we were all good at, but those who got it right truly left an impression on those of us who read their work.
Reddit user puppypasta asked:
and these authors managed to leave some serious impressions on their readers as well. It's easy to see why. Some of these are beautifully crafted and full of ornate words that delicately paint a picture for you. Others bash you over the head with their brashness. All of them, though, are unforgettably good.
A Bad Move
"In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very upset and been widely regarded as a bad move"
It was The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, which is a sequel to Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy.
Beware Statistical Mechanics
"Ludwig Boltzman, who spent much of his life studying statistical mechanics, died in 1906, by his own hand. Paul Ehrenfest, carrying on the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn to study statistical mechanics. Perhaps it will be wise to approach the subject cautiously."
Opening lines of the States of Matter textbook.
Love it, but also they should teach that correlation is not necessarily causation.
Lmao that's the textbook for my physics class right now
The Martian
"I'm pretty much f*cked." - The Martian
Came here for this! Remember that one part, where at the end of one chapter he says "I'll live", then you turn the page and the next chapter starts with "I'm fcked". I actually lol'ed at that moment
The Comfort Hole
Giphy"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort. "
-- The Hobbit Or There And Back Again by J.R.R. Tolkien
This first line means so much to me. The Hobbit is my all time favorite book and it really molded my love for fantasy. I love this line because from any point in Bilbo's adventure you can look back at this line and remember how far he had come from the comforts of his hobbit hole.
Now, every time I read a fantasy novel, I make sure to remember the first line so I can look back and realize how far the protagonist has come.
Algernon
"Mr. Strauss says I shud rite down what I think and evrey thing that st happins to me from now on. I dont know why but he says its importint so they will see if they will use me. I hope they use me. Miss Kinnian says maybe they can make me smart. I want to be smart."
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes (spelling and grammar are as written at this point in the book)
This was a reddit recommendation for me... I couldn't put it down and was so invested in it. I sobbed.
Yeaahhh that book made me cry and I didn't even feel the tears until my mom asked why I was crying
Mom
'My mother died today. Or maybe yesterday, I don't know. I received a telegram from the old people's home: "Mother deceased. Funeral tomorrow. Very sincerely yours." That doesn't mean anything. It might have been yesterday."
Albert Camus, The Stranger. It's the one I'll never forget.
We read this in high school English class.
The teacher asked one of the students "What happen to his mother?"
The student responded "I didn't get that far"
Almost ...
"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb ,and he almost deserved it"
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis.
We Didn't Start The Fire
"The building was on fire, and it wasn't my fault."
Blood Rites. One of the books from the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher. Flaming monkey poo flinging demons did it (not really a spoiler since it's an intro en media res bit)
Dead As A Doornail
Marley was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it. And Scrooge's name was good upon 'Change for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a doornail.
A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
He then goes off on a wonderful tangent as to why we use a doornail as a comparison for dead people, when a coffin nail would be a much more appropriate piece of ironmongery.
- Bowgs
Agony
GiphyYEAH, I KNOW. You guys are going to read about how I died in agony, and you're going be like, 'Wow! That sounds cool, Magnus! Can I die in agony, too?'
Rick Riordan, the Magnus series.
You can open literally any Rick Riordan book and you'll always find a hilarious opening sentence. This man is a genius.
- talyann
"What screams 'I make terrible financial decisions' ?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"Burning friends by asking for 'emergency' money, (based on some fake story), that you will never repay."
"Yes, oddly specific."
"Yes, all too common."- urkldajrkl
Children Are Meant To Have Hand-Me-Downs, Right?
"My neighbor can’t buy her kids school shoes."
"But has custom rims and wheels."- Comfortable-Rate497
The Military Is not Known For Being Lucrative
"A Private in any branch of the military buying a Dodge Charger."- Lukanian7·
dodge GIF by Off The JacksGiphyRe-sale 101?
"My ex SIL went to Walmart and bought a sh*t load of nail clippers, files, polish, and anything to do fingernails with."
"I asked her what the hell she planned on doing with all that."
"She told me she was going to start a flea market."- Buddyslime
If You Have To Ask, I Can't Afford It
"When you ask them how much they paid for something and they only know the monthly payment amount."- jiggeroni
Payday!!!
"Making impulsive decisions right after getting paid."- daisiesandpoetry
Pay Day Money GIFGiphyCoffee Is Where Some People Just Won't Compromise
"I know someone who is always struggling with money."
"Then I found out he has individual cups of Dunkin Donuts coffee delivered to him (via third party apps of course) while he's working at home."
"You know, instead of making a pot of coffee for yourself."- MrFishpaw
Warped Priorities
"Can't pay rent on time, but never misses a night out."- jessie_monster·
Makes Perfect Sense...
"A family member of mine has been begging money from everyone."
"He says they don't have enough money for food / rent / fuel for his wife to get to work or for tires."
"We own a tire shop, and offered him a set of used tires for $40 if he will help mount them (it's a job he's familiar with)."
"He said he didn't have $40."
"He goes to my sister in law and says he needs to make money for tires."
"She starts paying him daily for doing some remodeling work for her."
"He informs her on day 3 that he won't be available for the next two weeks because he is going on vacation to new Orleans."- Desperate_Camel_4159
car help GIF by Bubble PunkGiphyOnly The Best...
"Having the top of the line everything with a minimum wage job."
"Unless you are an unlicensed pharmacist on the side."- Ellieoconnor
Savings Accounts Exist For A Reason
"Every time you get a chunk of cash, you think you have to find a way to spend it."- Sponess
And They Don't Worry About It Getting Scratched Or Stolen...
"Expensive flashy car in the low-rent apartment complex parking lot."- Kedosto
car gold GIFGiphyJust One Click...
"Getting into debt to buy luxury products online."
"The vast majority of luxury customers aren't millionaires, they're regular people who earn below 6 figures."- lehmx
Moochers Gonna Mooch...
"When you have a 150k 'allowance', a free house and vehicle and you're still dead broke for 4 -5 months of the year."
"Sound specific? It's my entitled piece of sh*t uncle."- bhenghisfudge
They Notice...
"Fancy pickup truck with bald tires."- grondfoehammer
Chevy Truck Ipofshow GIF by Off The JacksGiphyWhen presented with a large sum of money, it is hard not to immediately think of how you plan to spend it.
Often forgetting how nice it would be to have it sitting in a savings account, should you find yourself coming up short on rent or bills.
After all, who can truly enjoy fancy things if you know you can't afford them?
Redditor aloe_veracity wanted to discuss simple turn-ons and turn-offs, so they asked:
"What common 'sexy' thing is a turn-off for you personally?"
I do not get and will never understand skinny jeans.
Whoever thinks they are sexy is blind.
Use your words...
baby talking GIFGiphy"Baby talk, is that supposed to be sexy? Because it kinda makes me wanna take them to daycare."
kaeyasimp420
"I baby talk with my partner, but it’s less of a sexy thing and more of a cute n’ cuddly thing when we’re embracing each other."
H2OhYeahh
Off Color
"In Ireland, fake tan is very popular among women of all ages. But any guy I have talked to about this topic hates it, it's okay when done right but 99.9 percent of the time it is orange and patchy and looks like baby diarrhea smeared all over your body."
"Any woman I have discussed this with insists it looks amazing and that the boys love it, but I and any guy I have talked to about it are turned off majorly by the sight and even smell of it."
john_lemon7812
"My sister just shamed me for going somewhere without a fake tan. Don’t mind being pale in Ireland anymore though. Just too much effort to smell like fake tan, and have fake tan on my bed, and clothes. All just to look orange ha."
Kaza-beo
Just Howl
"Ripping off clothes during sex. Just take them off, no need to be a werewolf."
SuvenPan
"Did this twice. The first time I knew ahead of time that it was on the table, so I wore an old shirt that probably should have been thrown out by that point anyway. The second time, though, was totally on impulse and popped the buttons off of a really nice button-down blouse I’d worn for a job interview that day. At the time, it was hot af but once the hormones wore off and I couldn’t find all the buttons to sew them back on, I was miffed about it."
mokutou
Be Normal
"Aside from all the physical turn-offs, I am turned off by someone who's acting sexy, it's too ridiculous to me. Just act normal."
_Norman_Bates
"Ugh my husband used to do this, admittedly he can be incredibly socially awkward sometimes which cracks me up and is a reason why I love him, but man do I hate it when he tries to be sexy, squinting his eyes and slightly while raising his eyebrows, biting his lips and all. Gives me the ick so bad."
urscndmom
Unsexy
Not Listening Season 5 GIF by FriendsGiphy"Dated a girl who was really into anime once, she did the hentai cries to be sexy and it was just the most unsexy thing I've ever experienced."
GemoDorgon
This anime craziness is taking over.
To each their own.
Clothes On
dance party GIFGiphy"Male strippers. Just not for me and if I ever got a lap dance, I would probably just end up laughing lol."
semisweetdreams87
So Arrogant
"When confidence turns into arrogance."
DeerZealousideal7423
"Agreed. There's a difference between giving off the impression you know how to handle anything thrown your way and thinking that any communication with you is me thinking I'm hot crap and you think I'm unworthy of your attention."
patrickwithtraffic
"I struggle with this, but not because I am arrogant lol. I looked down on my abilities so much that I faked arrogance to be funny. My friends get the joke and we laugh, but I forget the joke doesn't land when the person has just met me."
jedadkins
I Still Cringe
"Oh, God. I KNOW this isn’t common outside of like, the 11th grade, which makes it worse. I have a 6’7 ex who would wiggle his eyebrows and do that tongue flicker thing. Something about something that off-putting being done by a towering beast of a man just made it 1000x worse. I still cringe."
No-Photo8763
"My ex used to do this lick/slurp noise and kinda hang his tongue tip out when he talked about hot people. It legit made me gag more than once. That particular gesture has stuck with me more viscerally than anything else he did."
LeSilverKitsune
Flavored
Tv Show Hulu GIF by The BearGiphy"Girls calling me 'Daddy,' it's gross and incestuous. I prefer to be called Chef, it's professional and implies we going to flavor town."
BicycleMinimum4629
Grow Long
"These stupid short beards which are way too symmetric and that everyone gets from the barber. Like someone drew it with a marker."
Kampfzwerg0
Again, sexiness is all subjective.
Our tastes are clearly all over the map.
Enjoy.
