I've injured myself so many times in the most innocuous ways, it's a freaking miracle I'm still breathing. I've caused myself the most harm when trying to perform theatrics to music in the shower, on the train, in my bedroom. I have to frequently remind myself that I'm not Beyoncè. Other times just walking down the street can be a death sentence, even when being completely alert. You never know what may fall from the sky to trip you. We really all should live in a bubble.
Redditor u/Trxxi wanted to see who was willing to admit to the times they've been too stupid to walk and talk simultaneously by asking.... What's the stupidest way you've injured yourself?
Danger Hours
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDg0ODY1NS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxNTcyMzA5NX0.49B5F7ulD0Hy_U0BL7bM9dfbLXVt_AxSuwHnIWYCduk/img.gif?width=980" id="a077f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="72ccc1fe7732b8aac5aaf222bad7b410" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="282" />the ice pirates shaving GIF by Warner ArchiveGiphy<p>Trying to clean the facial hair out of my razor, I sliced one of my finger tips slightly open. </p>Bullseye
<p>Put a knife into a slingshot to shoot my buddy in the butt. Believe it or not, there was no ill will involved. The idea popped into my head and my fourteen year old brain thought, 'Holy crap, that sounds hilarious!'</p><p>Fortunately, the knife slipped and completely opened up the space between my thumb and forefinger. Internal stitches, external stitches and a thing that held my hand in place for a while.</p><p>I felt dumb, it hurt badly, but at the end of the day I'm so happy I hurt myself instead of doing some serious damage to someone else because I wasn't thinking things through. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/k0b08k/whats_the_stupidest_way_youve_injured_yourself/gdh1e8s?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">helplesscougarbait</a><span></span></p>A Bumpy Slumber
<p>I've told this story before, but here's once more.</p><p>I was sleeping one afternoon, and all my weight had fallen on my arm. As a result, my arm fell asleep too and got dead numb.</p><p>The phone started ringing and the sound somehow blended in my dream, causing me to dream about a fire alarm going off. I got panicked in my sleep and that panic continued when I realized that the ringing wasn't just in my dream, it was happening for real. So I popped up, sleepy and confused, and started running towards the source of the noise.</p>Lean In
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDg0ODY2Mi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMzkxMjM0Mn0.P5KKwnPmtZ60oKgGICat4lH3nrVRr9XHzSXGhxN5J0A/img.gif?width=980" id="2ba79" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="4e1b3fe9fde56230f79ad374e36d395d" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="285" data-height="285" />oh no fire GIFGiphy<p>I was baked and baking and couldn't see the meat thermometer, so I leaned in and grilled my face a bit, I still look a bit like John Marston. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/k0b08k/whats_the_stupidest_way_youve_injured_yourself/gdh0q8v?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">throwawayMambo5</a><span></span></p>Chin Fluff
<p>The first few weeks of boot camp I was still learning to shave properly (I turned 18 while I was there and only had a bit of chin fluff). My face wasn't used to daily shaving and I started getting this really itchy dry crusty skin around my chin. We'd also been issued ultra fine grain sandpaper for polishing the brass parts of our ceremonial uniforms. I had the bright idea to smooth my face out with it one morning, which actually worked really well. Took the dry itchy skin right off. </p>The Stabbing
<p>I was cutting a wire tie off a couch a month ago and stabbed myself in the wrist with a steak knife. Got a tetanus shot after that one.</p><p>Okay edit since this apparently is getting attention: I got the TDAP shot from my local pharmacy and it didn't hurt that much. It was a $400 couch from Wayfair for my grandmother. And I was not cutting toward myself I was cutting straight forward but the force I used sent my right hand towards my left one in a weird hard to describe with just text way. It was a sucky day. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/k0b08k/whats_the_stupidest_way_youve_injured_yourself/gdgyefs?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">FiragaFieri</a></p>Overnight Idiocy
<p>Working overnights years ago. Had gotten home and threw a TV dinner in the oven. Sat down and was watching a movie. Couple hours later I'm still sitting there watching tv and I think "Man I'm hungry... I should make myself a OMG my food!" Luckily there was no fire and the smoke wasn't bad until I opened the oven. The tray was shriveled and everything was little black chunks of coal. I didn't injure myself that time but just another dummy thing I've done in a long line of dumba**ery. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/k0b08k/whats_the_stupidest_way_youve_injured_yourself/gdhi8wo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">RumPullForceKin</a></p>The Body Says NO!
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDg0ODY3Ni9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMzQ4MTMyNH0.UHqrahFsFJaJ_cU2inj_H9ksztncClEDiyeN_PgZAOI/img.gif?width=980" id="92352" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="29229fd103755a3ccff86f5458d9cbcf" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="498" data-height="373" />Back Pain GIF by memecandyGiphy<p>I destroyed my back putting on socks one morning. I couldn't move without spasms for over a week.</p><p>To be fair, I had done a lot of snow blowing and shoveling in the prior days but the socks were the last straw for my back, apparently. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/k0b08k/whats_the_stupidest_way_youve_injured_yourself/gdh1th6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">supernewf</a></p>For the love of Ice Cream
<p>So my son wanted me to open his ice cream bar. You know the good humor ones on the stick. I was standing next to the kitchen table. I dropped the ice cream and when I moved my hands down to catch it I hit the top corner of the chair with my wrist. Broke two bones in my wrist and spent weeks in a cast. I caught the ice cream though. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/k0b08k/whats_the_stupidest_way_youve_injured_yourself/gdh2sqg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Vlvthamr</a></p>15 Feet Below
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDg0ODY4MC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNTA1NDkwNX0.tzW8bX5spFWot-za3OLomYmKhLjH9P2rGeDD78nMN1g/img.gif?width=980" id="6dfe2" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="b95151147e6a5bfc3899e5f5925b7a43" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="390" data-height="480" />meek mill falling GIFGiphy<p>I fell about 15 feet off a balcony while in university and trying to hit on a girl. </p>People Divulge The Outright Dumbest Thing They've Ever Heard Someone Say
You can't be serious? I have lost track of the amount of times I've said that to someone, and then nobody specific. The things that fall out of people's mouths can be shocking. Certain oratory moments make you regret having ears. Like how do some humans function? I wish more people would acquire restraint before they speak, or become a mute.
Redditor u/VandalM was hoping everyone would share all the things they wish they could un-hear by asking.... What is the outright dumbest thing you have heard someone say?PUSH....
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDgwMDA2MC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0Njg4NzIzMX0.1QQbniTChLE2RAtm03rrM7-tIPIkpnl7DE78e4e_FSY/img.gif?width=980" id="8c846" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="4876f5b76c03560eb5ba62965f2c6fca" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="400" />Season 5 What GIF by FriendsGiphy<p><em>"Pregnancy doesn't have to hurt. It's a myth that it does." </em></p><p><em></em><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd3pyr5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Saxsquatch365</a></p>Stop the Babies!
<p>From a pregnant girl in high-school:</p><p><em>"Smoking doesn't affect my baby because it hasn't developed its lungs yet."</em><em> </em>This was about 17 years ago. For a catholic school in small community we had surprisingly progressive sex education classes that started in fifth grade. Sex-ed was then taught as a part of the more general health classes that started in middle school and continued through to the end of high school.</p><p>As that was the case for us, I don't know what the answer is to cure that kind of ignorance.</p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd42wrh?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">aardvark1231</a></p>many many many kids....
<p>I work in bankruptcy. One day, a new potential client came in. He was in his mid 30s. He was a truck driver, and had been for about 15 years.</p><p>During this time, he'd fathered more than 10 children all over the United States, like he was setting up franchises, or something. However, he'd since settled down, gotten married, and he had two kids with his wife.</p><p>The only debt he had was unpaid child support, but it was in the amount of over $50K. </p>No Crusts
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDgwMDA2NS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMTM1ODM4M30.dZjPo1SbDvrAg08Up7eznE158244Vd7mENm5Wv39zs4/img.gif?width=980" id="eda93" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="32e50817d0d1c32ea2b315a0d7fb555e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="360" data-height="240" />Judge Judy Reaction GIF by Agent M Loves GifsGiphy<p>When you toast white bread it gets healthier for you because it turns it brown like whole wheat bread.</p><p><strong><em>Edit:</em></strong> same guy told me I should put my TV on a stand and off the floor because the heat from the TV will coagulate around the bottom and around the TV and mess it up. Yes he used coagulate. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd3p5bm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">sparkylocal3</a></p>Look out Below
<p>One guy tried to prove to me that you can jump out of a falling plane when it is low above the ground and survive by doing a somersault. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd3hs6m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">RSF-guy</a></p><p>Someone once told me that as long as you land on your side you will survive. I think if I'm ever in a situation where I'm falling with no parachute with no chance of being saved, I'll do a somersault and land on my side. I'll let you all know how it goes. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd4b7g0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> rleash</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/rleash/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"></a></p>Language Arts
<p><em>"You know, if we had lost the Revolutionary War, we'd all be speaking English right now." </em></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd3i6ns?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">MozzellJames</a> </p><p><span></span>I was once in a lift* in Vegas and the most yokel redneck I have ever seen asked my mate where we were from and then followed.it up with a classic...</p><p>"Oh ya'll from England, what language do you speak there?"</p><p>I had no follow up</p><ul><li>You may know this as an 'elevator' but you are wrong. <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd4r1b9?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Engels33</a> </li></ul>Let's Pray
<p>Catholics weren't Christians and didn't celebrate Easter. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd3d17b?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Elbatcho</a><span></span></p><p>When my very Catholic dad came across anti semitism in a book he was reading to me and my little siblings, he would stop reading, point to our pictures of Mary and Jesus that we had, and remind us that all the first Christians were, in fact, Jewish. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd5kv0v?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">wanttotalktopeople</a></p>Tuesday?
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDgwMDA2OC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxNDExNjU0NX0.8MvJJMYmyrWYHUzpb5ImpiC-BaBK8wy9pQSPMSSUPJs/img.gif?width=980" id="7c1d4" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="dbe19ef91bdd0b0a34f7ed1279c632a3" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="493" data-height="365" />friday the 13th 80s GIFGiphy<p>What day is Friday the 13th? -My 24-year-old brother. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd40bdb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">kaczmarek224</a><span></span></p>How Healthy
<p>My flatmate saw me scraping the burnt bits off my last piece of toast. She gasped with horror and shrieked,</p><p><em>"OMG do you have any idea how carcinogenic that is?!"</em></p><p>I suggested she go finish her breakfast cigarette outside and then we'd have a conversation about carcinogens. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd460tc?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ArtisFarkus</a><span></span></p>Oh Daenerys
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDgwMDA3MS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxNDgwMTYyMX0.CFx55zgMXkNTiulO0xGF3MW-oV8v9XEbM4FCzP2LFMc/img.gif?width=980" id="ead43" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="c284afc31004ad0d3c81173b3127d300" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="253" />game of thrones deal with it GIFGiphy<p>Heard someone saying dragons were extinct. lol </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd3rj8b?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">immajustgooglethat</a></p>Sounds Like....
<p>'Q... for cucumber' </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd3tmrq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">CheeseIsExcellent</a></p><p>W for Why.<br>A for Are.<br>E for Eye or Ex.<br>C for Cue. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd55pa5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">UpsetMarsupial</a></p>The "Eyes" Have It...
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDg0NzIyNS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1OTM5NTk3N30.Fg0ZslEuJ-qzhYUm6IXbRru13ZnIAeAa7ZnaUYG5j5g/img.gif?width=980" id="ca887" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="29d677c1c87e5f639f4ed7f4ca737276" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="345" />saturday the 14th bats GIFGiphy<p>Was working retail and tried to make a joke with a customer that I had "eyes like a bat".</p><p>He chuckled, I thought all was well until he looked up at me and said, "Bats don't have eyes."</p><p>Shook me to my core. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd491as?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">YEEyourlastHAW</a></p>When have YOU had to work?
<p>"If someone can't find a job I don't see why they just don't go back to school, get a degree, and apply for better jobs."</p><p>Guy was 27, very sheltered from a wealthy family, and had no clue that you need income for the time you're in school.</p><p>Kick on top was he thought all colleges everywhere in the U.S (where he lived) were free. He thought they were like public libraries, just walk in, grab books and sign up for whatever classes you want. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd3opz3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">03throwaway03</a><span></span></p>Location. Location. Location.
<p>My ex-gf once asked why the nazis went through the hassle of the Anschluß, because "Austria is a different country, and how did the Army even get here when they only invaded France later?"</p><p>Apparently she mixed up the location of France and Germany her whole life.</p><p>We're Austrian. We don't even have a French border. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd497bo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">JuFo2707</a></p>Freaky Treat
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDg0NzI2MC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NDI4MDcxOX0.XpNR9JFcMA8RHGBl7KHGBzdR0GZJrubVVeBK_5JqVjE/img.gif?width=980" id="5c9f5" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9e2638f2c8f36c57d10f630ab4be4cb0" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="250" />hocus pocus halloween GIFGiphy<p>Wouldn't it be funny if Halloween fell on Friday the 13th? </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd4tkrv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">blackmilksociety</a></p>Go Away #2....
<p>While sharing random facts to welcome a new coworker. This is a verbatim quote.</p><p>Coworker 1: I was born dead.</p><p>Coworker 2 (genuinely concerned): OMG! Did you survive?!</p><p><em>collective pause and staring</em></p><p>Coworker 2: ... that was the dumbest thing I've ever said. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd47p4e?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">KieselguhrKid13</a></p>Up in the Sky
<p>From a grown, 30-something year old woman (I was 22 at the time)</p><p>That the moon and sun were the same celestial body. Just at night it's not as bright, because it's night time.</p><p>She started crying when I simply pointed up at the moon in the daytime sky, then to the sun in a different part of the sky.</p><p>I felt bad. I didn't mean to make her cry. But, Damn! </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd3juvo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">rhymes_with_chicken</a></p>"the dark body"
<p>That Earth is hollow and we live inside. Sun and moon are small balls in the middle. Also there is "dark body", that would be the night. Reason why we can't see sun or moon all the time is, because light does to travel in a straight line, but in spiral and at night sun is hiding behind this black body. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd47dfg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">MentalMeltdownDaily</a></p>Slow the Puff Bruh
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDg0NzM1Mi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1ODY3MDM3Nn0.2eabWAshtkvkGg9Gi2bFvGFHoMFRFezSr5MZf9G1JXI/img.gif?width=980" id="8d49c" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="23398a4843e16e042586dff569852ea8" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="347" data-height="312" />Dog Dude GIFGiphy<p>10 years ago a friend of mine argued there are more babies on Earth than adults. His reasoning being babies are born every day, adults die every day.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jygczu/what_is_the_outright_dumbest_thing_you_have_heard/gd3s3d0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">SelfDerecatingTumor</a><br></p>Cruise Ship Employees Break Down The Stupidest Thing They've Ever Witnessed A Passenger Doing
I will never forget my first trip on the high seas. One of my best friends and I took a fabulous trip to the paradise Bermuda. It was a glorious trip into the horizon. But beyond the beach, the grandness of the ship and the sense of peace on the water, one aspect of the trip stuck with me most.... witnessing the behavior of cruise life. Cruise life is a real thing, that people take very, very seriously. Who knew? Guests on cruise ships are crazy. I mean.... crazy. Most for good but some.... highly questionable. Workers on cruise ships deserve a medal I swear. LOLOL. I can't wait to set sail again.
Redditor u/bubba1217 wanted staff on the open seas to tell a tale or two about cruise life behavior by asking.... Cruise Ship Employees: What's the stupidest thing you've witnessed a passenger doing aboard the ship?
Out of Shanghai
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc4MjUxOC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NTcwNDU3NX0.tCJ59xTDBewwtwwALREPEV8zBcrf1rxBj6q2gyB_m4s/img.gif?width=980" id="452ea" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f6a02173e9f8f0b7379d38691068c6a0" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="480" />Fire Extinguisher GIF by Playing With FireGiphy<p>Worked for Royal Caribbean for 7 years, was based out of Shanghai at the time and saw a guest put a lit cigarette in a garbage can. You can guess what happened 30 seconds later. Luckily there was a fire extinguisher near by. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/juyn4g/cruise_ship_employees_whats_the_stupidest_thing/gcgs2mq?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Petrucch</a></p>Not Without my Chair
<p>Saw 2 employees escort a 30-something year old woman from the pool deck back to her cabin while others were scrambling to get some rags. She had peed while lounging on a poolside deck chair, and the huge puddle was streaming into the pool. Her excuse was she did not want to give up the chair. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/juyn4g/cruise_ship_employees_whats_the_stupidest_thing/gch2i56?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">optoph</a><span></span></p>So many questions....
<p>Not a cruise ship but I worked a couple of contracts on a passenger ship. Special questions passengers asked me (stupid questions don't exist but dang it, these people came close):</p><p>1-does the crew sleep onboard? (During a multi day sail). No ma'am. We change the crew every night with a submarine with a nightshift. (This one gets asked a lot). </p><p>2-could you stop those vibrations? (Sure, let me shut down the engines quickly). </p><p>3-could you stop the ship for a few minutes (after a passenger saw a whale and wanted to take pictures).</p>Overboard
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc4MjUyNy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NjU4NjY4OH0.4dTNY2jmmVTot5unf27oRX3q5V-j5myOtk31ktDXPl4/img.gif?width=980" id="8f7e6" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9070bb290475e0fcf3e8828a96fc36b8" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="275" />doc savage dive GIF by Warner ArchiveGiphy<p>Not an employee, but a former frequent cruiser. I once saw someone sitting on the railings that surround the top deck of the ship. If they'd fallen, they would've been killed instantly. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/juyn4g/cruise_ship_employees_whats_the_stupidest_thing/gcgieid?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">JaegerMeister20</a><span></span></p>Who is not Stupid?
<p>I wasn't an employee but I was on business to work with the employees so kind of had the backdoor experience. The dumbest thing I saw was someone standing on railings, luckily it didn't last long.</p><p>But one of my favorite things I saw was in the "club" style bar. A woman maybe like 85 was straight up dancing like she were 23 to some techno. We joked that her hip replacement must have been top notch.</p><p>As a passenger I think the stupidest thing I witnessed was myself ordering liquor drinks like they weren't watered down. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/juyn4g/cruise_ship_employees_whats_the_stupidest_thing/gcgpam0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">CapnJackson</a><span></span></p>Death's Trip
<p>Die.</p><p>Hear me out. Many cruises, especially the cheaper ones, become YOLO nursing homes for the extremely elderly/unwell who want to spend their last days on vacation. Because forget everyone who will be massively inconvenienced by your death aboard a vessel in international waters. The amount of extremely frail or sick old people on cruises is staggering. There's a trend of blowing their retirement/life savings on a non stop series of cruises with the expectation that they will either die on board or their kids will put them up somewhere when they get back. </p>Dangerous Tides
<p>I saw a woman walking through one of the buffet restaurants, stop pull a funny face, wiggle a bit and then carry on walking. You guessed it she had just shat herself and then left a log on the carpet and carried on straight outside to carry on eating. Absolutely vile. Of course the restaurant had to be shut until it could be cleaned properly and the whole area sanitized thoroughly.</p>CHEER!!
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc4MjUzMC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NTY2NzI3NH0.8cFpJH9bTbTuelQd29yfWwjoTIIi2Y9DyEj_z3Lwn4s/img.gif?width=980" id="835a4" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="ee319bcc9505f1026619867b675460a7" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="390" data-height="258" />will ferrell snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy<p>Actual former cruise ship employee here.</p>Stay Sober
<p>Drinking so much they fell down a flight of stairs and broke their spine. Putting a still smoldering cigarette butt into a trash can inside the ship and setting the can on fire. Both happened while I was working onboard, seen by coworkers. Other than that, just really stupid questions and any generic dumb crap customers do at retail/hospitality places/restaurants on land. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/juyn4g/cruise_ship_employees_whats_the_stupidest_thing/gch5x7o?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Reddit</a></p>Rona Days
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc4MjUzNC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MzMzMDYxM30.QiujJqgRZvGa4q5zgzXWBcTmPkCLY5ch0ft4xkcYuaM/img.gif?width=980" id="ff0c7" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="b199e1d39a941bc0537c5387533ecbe5" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="428" data-height="434" />Cruise Ship GIF by GIPHY NewsGiphy<p>Boarding a ship during a pandemic. (Not actually a cruise ship employee.) </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/juyn4g/cruise_ship_employees_whats_the_stupidest_thing/gcgd6y4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">dogtarget</a></p>People Break Down The Dumbest Thing They've Ever Seen A Man Do To Prove His Manhood
Men. Just be men. And by that I mean, just be a good human. You really have nothing to prove against a facade that has been constructed to define what a man should be. You don't have to... and should not just beat people up. The definition of manhood does not lie in physical strength. That is a myth. And men... don't harm yourself to prove a myth. This is a topic that needs dissertations and long provoked conversations. Let us begin.....
Redditor u/CarsonFijal wanted to reach out to all the boys out there and discuss some behavior that needs to be discussed.... time to get a few things clear.... they asked.... What is the dumbest thing you've ever seen a man do to "prove" their "manhood"?
People Break Down The Dumbest Thing Anyone Has Ever Seriously Said To Them
In grade school, a handful of us were discussing where some of our relatives lived outside of California.
When a classmate mentioned having relatives in New Mexico, an eavesdropper genuinely asked:
The Eager Patron
<p>"Excitedly told me that a stripper he bought a lap dance from liked him so much that she asked him to come back again to see her."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ku65bb/what_is_the_dumbest_thing_anybody_has_ever/giqo3sg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">thirteenpants</a><br></p>Everyone's Favorite Customer
<p>"A buddy of mine is like this with bartenders/servers we go to the same bar pretty frequently and hes convinced that the bartenders there are attracted to him. He doesnt understand that the reason that they come over and talk to him is because he always tips them a minimum of $20 each night, normally its more."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ku65bb/what_is_the_dumbest_thing_anybody_has_ever/gir0yfw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Legion_707</a><br></p>Bleach Bath
<p>"Is this all the bleach we have?" This was said by my sister who was holding a gallon of bleach in each hand. Her plan? She was going to fill the bath tub up with bleach and bathe in it because she wanted to bleach her hair blonde."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ku65bb/what_is_the_dumbest_thing_anybody_has_ever/giq7jhl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">not-a-real_username</a><br></p>Mummy Dearest
<p>"While watching the Mummy 2, these mummies are chasing a bus thru London. My mom asks, 'they didn't use real mummies did they?'"</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ku65bb/what_is_the_dumbest_thing_anybody_has_ever/giq5s4d?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Pickle-Wife</a><br></p>Her Way On The Highway
<p>"Had a roommate in college that would drive me everywhere cause she had a car and I didn't. The first time I got on the highway with her she got on the left lane and floored it. We were going 90+ on a 60. I freaked out and asked her why the hell she was going so fast. She said, 'What's the big deal? There's no speed limit on the left lane on a highway. You can go as fast as you want!' She refused to slow down till we had to take our exit. We had a long argument on why that wasn't true that involved calling several people and googling things to prove it to her."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ku65bb/what_is_the_dumbest_thing_anybody_has_ever/giqpddy?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">sm1020</a><br></p>The Environmentalist
<p>"While driving with my sister's then-boyfriend to go disc golfing, he was staring up in the sky very intensely. I asked him what he was doing and he replied, 'Just doing my part for the environment.' Confused, I inquired further. He then went on to say how chemtrails from planes are spreading chemicals, but if you stare at the chemtrails, you can use your willpower to get rid of them. He was bat-sh*t crazy. Lizardmen crazy."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ku65bb/what_is_the_dumbest_thing_anybody_has_ever/giq6hqa?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">PittiePower</a><br></p>One Of These Are Mythical
<p>"With my mother at an aquarium. 'Are those seahorses or unicorns? I always get them mixed up.'"</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ku65bb/what_is_the_dumbest_thing_anybody_has_ever/giqza03?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Educational_Ad9260</a><br></p>Once More With Volume
<p>"A friend of mine met and married a German man. She lived there with him. He speaks English and is very fluent. Yes, there's an accent but he's perfectly understandable."</p><p>"After they married they came back to the US to have a reception for her side of the family and friends."</p><p>"As one particular family friend was making his good byes he goes up to the husband and shouts, slowly, 'IT WAS...VERY NICE MEETING YOU! I HOPE....YOU ENJOY...YOUR...VISIT!!!"'The whole room has stopped talking at this point. The husband says 'Thank you. Maybe next time we meet you'll speak English more quietly.' (In a very joking manner)</p><p>"Man was a bit embarrassed as he hadn't realized what he was doing."</p><p>"The whole 'if you talk louder they'll understand you' situation was hilarious."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ku65bb/what_is_the_dumbest_thing_anybody_has_ever/girpnfx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">stitcherfromnevada</a><br></p>Vegan Lady
<p>"'Turkey is vegan."'</p><p>"-Random lady stating that she's vegan and then proceeding to order a club sandwich."</p><p>"I was the waiter."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ku65bb/what_is_the_dumbest_thing_anybody_has_ever/giqsp70?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">millennium-popsicle</a><br></p>All About The Eyes
<p>"I was waiting at the DMV, and my baby was asleep in his carrier on the floor. Some totally normal-looking middle-aged guy in a suit leaned over and smiled at him, then said, 'How cute! Are his eyes open yet?'"</p><p>"Dude literally thought humans were like puppies or kittens."</p><p>– <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ku65bb/what_is_the_dumbest_thing_anybody_has_ever/giqewds?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">NoCuntryforToldMen</a><br></p>