Finding a life partner is hard.
Why do the movies lie to us?
And so many more people are choosing life alone.
I guess that not having to share a bed thing is a real plus.
RedditorTheSilverKnight711wanted to hear from all the single ladies... and gents... and everyone in between. They asked:
"What’s stopping you from having a partner in life?"
I'm just not that into any of it. I'm also tired. That's just me. And you?
Me
For Me GIF by Lil YachtyGiphy"Me, myself and I."
F1r3Phoen1x
"Try trusting all three of them."
TaintModel
Tough
"Trust issues."
DrMannulus
"That’s such a tough way to live. It took me until my 40’s to realize that the main person who didn’t like me was myself. Took me a few years to talk myself around to liking me and then loving me. Now I am able to be less critical of other people too. (If I’m judging others, then I must expect to be judged too) My life is less stressful and I’m actually happy."
hen1bar
Meh
"Currently I'm making 0 effort to do so. Haven't been interested in anyone in a while."
Angel_OfSolitude
"Same, I hate online dating cause I can't tell what peoples personalities are and Im not on most forums of social media. 'Im obviously still on reddit but I have nothing else besides snapchat."
"I also work a lot as well, so pretty much the only time I come in contact with new women in my life is like at the grocery store. I don't drink much but I feel like I need to start hitting bars or college parties or something though. Im not even in college but It seems like it's the only way to meet women around my age without social media."
"Or just approaching random ones in the store. I just feel like unless I just actively 'hunt' for a date I won't ever find one. Which sucks cause I'd rather meet women organically, rather than just trying to hit up someone you see cause they might have potential based on looks."
thepastyprince
Happy
"The idea that I'm happy by myself."
Dvmbledore
"It's definitely a confidence thing. People in relationships don't need others' approval nearly as much - this translates to more confident, less needy behavior that signals to others that you're self-assured and comfortable with yourself. That's very appealing."
theragingletter
in-between...
amanda tanen catwalk GIF by HULUGiphy"I'm in that awkward in-between area where I've got too much self-worth to settle for someone who's going to ruin my life and not enough self-worth to let a good person love me."
JACofalltrades1
There really is no rhyme or reason to it all. Is there?
Blah
annoyed GIFGiphy"My personality. I get bored really fast, and don’t think it’ll be fair to the other person. My friends say it’s because I haven’t met the right person, maybe true, but I don’t want to risk it."
mapeci77
"the rest of my life"
"Not being able to find someone that I can forsee the rest of my life with."
nuovi
"When I was dating in the 1970s, 'the rest of my life' was my standard statement to myself. Sure he was great to be around, but could I put up with him for the rest of my life? For my one, yes, except it was for the rest of his life. He died in January after being married for 44+ years. Simple comparison: Could I live with him in lockdown?
EC-Texas
"attractive"
"I'm not the best in social situations and I feel like I have nothing to offer."
JukeBoxHero1997
"Just a heads up: you absolutely have something to offer. Whether you're good at socializing or not, just show someone kindness and respect."
"And be there for them, and if they are available and attracted to you then you'll be everything they need. And I don't mean like you have to be physically 'attractive,' but like the person actually is down to hang out with you. Either way, you have worth and someone would be happy to love the sh*t out of you if you let them. :) "
SteveNJulia
Terrible
"I'm a really terrible partner. I've put multiple people through absolute hell, because they have normal expectations in relationship. I require a lot of alone time, sometimes I just want to sleep by myself. sometimes I like traveling by myself. I can get super depressed and withdraw."
"I've learned now that I have to keep things casual and I'm probably not meant to be a typical relationship where you build a life together and live together all the time. Also, I'm sure it's just modeling because my mom and stepdad live separately and just go on dates, so unless I find someone who loves being alone as much as me (unlikely) I guess I'm just over here vibing."
LadySovereign
Too Good
Which One Reaction GIF by AudibleGiphy"Vacillating wildly between 'I'm not good enough for this person, and it’s only a matter of time before they find out,' and, 'I’m too good for this person, I will never be satisfied.' Often, multiple times on the space of a single afternoon."
robbycakes
Ask them to hang out?
"My desire hasn't overtaken the expectations of effort required."
haijak
"The effort can be pretty ridiculous. I re-entered the dating pool somewhat recently after being in a relationship for most of my adult life and holy s**t is it terrible. People expect you to know exactly what they want when they want and if you mess anything up then they'll move on to someone else. Ask someone out too early? You're weird. Ask them out too late?"
"They're not interested any more - you missed your chance. Ask them to hang out? Too vague - no. Ask them on a dinner date? Too specific and too much pressure. Everyone has different expectations and people are so unforgiving if you can't figure it out. I'm told pretty frequently that I'm attractive and have other good qualities and yet I'm terrible at dating. The whole process is so confusing and demoralizing. I stopped trying after a while."
thequietthingsthat
I Know this pain...
"Self sabotage."
acid_vision_
"I’m very positive I do this unconsciously whenever I date. I seem to be very attracted to people that are either unstable, they don’t know what they want or emotionally immature. It’s like my brain wants me to be alone forever."
cemeterykitten
at a loss...
"I'm not the kind of sociable that goes out of his way to meet people for that reason. I don't care for bars or parties for instance. It's not that I don't want someone, it's that I don't really know how/what to do. And since I'm a male, it's doubtful a girl would risk it herself and pursue me. So yeah... at a loss."
Tijain_Jyunichi
Today's Crush
Happy Alison Brie GIFGiphy"Getting hyper-fixations on people and then being disappointed when they are normal people. Just today had a crush on my young orthodontist - like 5/6 years older than me cause he was nice while fitting new retainers."
DaffodilGoofyDuck
"I do this except only ever with one person lol. I’ve only ever been truly attracted to one person. I still have a long time so I imagine it’ll happen again, but I still thinks it’s weird when people my age by this point have ex counts in the double digits."
Entercheesynamehere
No Interest
"I simply don’t have the energy to provide and love someone unconditionally at this point of time in my life. I want to grow as an individual and love myself first. I choose to not be in a relationship for that purpose because it would be completely unfair for them."
Sienna-hart
Apps are a joke...
"I have no idea how to meet people. Apps are a joke, I don't drink so I have no reason to be in a bar, and the only friends I have are on discord so no group activity stuff. My one hobby outside of gaming (hiking) is also very solo focused with me not even encountering another person for most of the day... I've just given up and accepted that I'm just not meant to ever find anyone."
zose2
I Don't Need You
"The question isn't what's stopping it from happening. It's more that having a life partner is a huge commitment that I don't really want to enter with anyone that I know, nor am I really seeking out someone that could fulfil that role because it's not a net positive to be in a relationship. I really enjoy not being beholden to anyone, and someone would have to overwhelm that for me to want to be with them long term... I think I'd prefer to just have some really good friends."
PastaBakeWizard
"capable"
kevin can wait focus GIF by CBSGiphy"I'm not in as much of a rush as I used to be. My focus is on patching up the holes in my life so I can love myself first."
"I've been mentally checked out for a while. Too many pressures, too many thoughts, and too much self-neglect. I'm steadily getting back into a comfortable feeling. Just recently started feeling 'capable' again. Maybe someday I'll find someone, but it's no longer a do-or-die event for me."
Tylrt
Toleration
"I'm at the age where I should have my life figured out at this point, but I don't. My peers are generally already established in life and are rightfully looking for a partner who's on their level. Couple that with bad attachment insecurities, and it would be cruel to get another girl a tangled up in this hot mess haha."
"Anyone in this thread though should look at their reasons and try to work on them earnestly. I am currently and hope to one day get to a place in life that maybe someone might tolerate me long enough to give me some head pats or whatever people in relationships do. It's tough, like really tough, to not have someone for this long, but you can only march forward."
lastcallcarrot
Alone is ok as long as you're ok. So be ok alone.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
Reddit user _Mr_Cheeks asked:
"What is an old video game that still holds up so well today?"
Honestly, had it not been pouring we may have skipped the arcade entirely. And had we not been with my father we would have picked something newer than Galaga.
But the game still slaps!
Here are the games Reddit still swears by.
Worms!
"Worms Armageddon. It looks nice enough and the fun is still there."
- the_amateon
"Our whole floor played this in the dorms 20+ years ago. We had our own network, but the lag times were so bad you could obliterate someone on your machine and then run to stand behind them in their room to get their real time reaction. One was always concerned when a crowd showed up behind you...."
- DocLof
"Many moons have passed since the worms went to war"
- thprk
"Yeah, this should be the top answer. This game is far superior to any of it's sequels, even the celebrated W.M.D"
- lurker12346
"When we got our second computer (which I still think of as the new computer) in 2000 it came with worms and my dad and I would spend hours playing it."
- cherry_armoir
A.O.E.2
Khan Ageofempires GIF by Age Of Empires CommunityGiphy"Age of empires 2"
- kr4kenz
"The devs are still working on the game and have recently released new DLC with new campaigns and civilizations."
- NativeMasshole
"Honestly, I think AOE 2 is in the top 5 games of all time."
- superfast_jellyfish_
"That's because it is."
- PadishahEmperor
"One of those timeless classics that will just never die. 20year and counting, how many games are out there with a similar track record? Maybe a few MMOs, CS and crew."
- Executioneer
Chrono Trigger
trigger ktwfc GIFGiphy"Chrono Trigger"
- WoodcockJohnson_
"One of the greatest games ever made"
- _Mr_Cheeks
"Was literally my gateway drug into RPGs. I still judge pretty much every game’s story against the standard Chrono Trigger set. It’s also the reason I’m always expecting karmic effects down the line for early game decisions (looking at you 'old man’s lunch' at the Millenial Fair)."
- Dr_Beardface_MD
"One of the best soundtracks in gaming, fantastic spritework, pioneered multiple endings in video games, ABSOLUTELY holds up."
- MeniteTom
Best Of The Tycoons
video game physics jet GIFGiphy"Rollercoaster Tycoon"
- 123Fake_St
"For anyone who has an itch to play: open rct2 has resurrected this game and added some qol improvements"
- IAlwaysL0se
"I used to hire new park workers at the first of every month, then on the last day I'd drown them because then you didn't have to pay them..."
"I'm actually a union member today, not Jeff Bezos. Turns out violent video games aren't a precursor to our society's problems after all!"
- markmargles
"Made by a single person (Chris Sawyer) over the span of two years. Absolutely insane feat."
- Goodk4t_
Street Fighter II
street fighter vs GIFGiphy"I swear Street fighter 2 still has relatively nice graphics. It came out in 1991"
- FantasticSweet5902
"It changed everything. Play any fighting game prior to Street Fighter II and it feels almost unplayable. Yie Ar Kung Fu, Karate Champ, hell Street Fighter 1 is so awful compared to it that no one remembers it."
"Street Fighter II is so well thought out and fully realized. It's hard to emphasize how amazing that game is given how ubiquitous it is now."
- Boon3hams
"Sprites tend to age much better than polygons!"
- ChunLi808
"I think most 16 and 32-bit games still hold up really well graphically. Just something about that spritework, particularly when done well, is timeless"
- Stuff2511
"I remember playing minigolf and seeing streetfighter II on an arcade across the way, it looked so cool compared to anything else at the time i had to play it."
- jeffryu
"haduken"
- SupremoZanne
Tetris
"Tetris"
- Amberskin
"True. They say playing Tetris after experiencing trauma decreases the likelihood of developing PTSD."
- overthinkingagainlol
"Tetris is my one example of a literally perfect video game."
- JoakimSpinglefarb
"This was my very first thought."
- NoodleDoodleGirl
"Ah, Tetris, the game that teaches us that success doesn’t last and mistakes pile up quickly"
- Micaiah9
"And now I have Tetris music in my head all night."
- nigelofthornton
"I still keep an OG GameBoy in my bathroom so i can play Tetris when I sh*t."
- Serenity650
"The game so addictive it has its own psychosomatic effect named after it."
"The Tetris effect: researchers had participants in a study play tetras for extended periods of time. Afterward the participants experienced weird psychosomatic effects where they could see the blocks spinning outside of the game in their thoughts and even their dreams for up to days."
- Whybotherr
Final Fantasy Tactics
"Final Fantasy Tactics. Amazing story, great music, fun battle mechanics. The only issue is the difficulty (once you understand the game or grind levels) becomes trivial... but with mods - boom bam."
- NateProject
"Yes, everytime I try to play a Japanese SRPG, I keep getting disappointed because its NOT FINAL FANTASY TACTICS, which is of course the pinnacle of the genre. Or maybe I'm just old and don't have as much fun as an old person."
- DryEyes4096
"No, FFT is absolutely the pinnacle of the genre and it's not even close. Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together gets honorable mention though."
- TragicHero84
"God this game is such a masterpiece. I played War of the Lions as a kid and I loved this game. Recently I picked it back up, and this game is still great. Even better than I remembered as I really got sucked into the story and just love how vile the villains are in this game."
- Jalina2224
"My favorite game ever. The difficulty is no joke though if you don't use guides or have much patience to grind. I knew two people back in the day that gave up on the game because they got stuck on a battle but also couldn't back up and grind. Honestly the only reason I avoided this is because it almost happened to me at the Gafgarion fight, so I always maintained a save file where I could grind if necessary."
- Qurdlo
Mario 3
Super Mario Bros 3 Sun GIFGiphy"Mario 3"
- Keksis_theBetrayed
"A kid brought Mario 3 into school the day it came out to show off, yes I’m that old. We were all in awe. Everybody had already seen gameplay footage from that movie the wizard, which was pretty rare at the time. I got it a short time later and it 100% lived up to all the hype. Still love playing it today on emulators."
- littlegreenb18
"I still play Mario 3. My original NES still works perfectly and is set-up in my living room. I remember the 'secrets' published in Nintendo Power magazine on how to get hidden 1-ups, an extra whistle, the coin ships, etc."
- SubAtomicSpaceCadet
"Came to say it. Now I'm gonna go play it."
- staggere
"The angry sun is one obstacle to deal with!"
- SupremoZanne
"My teen saw me playing Mario 3 and said, "What, did somebody take a modern game and make it look like the 90s?" This is why Nintendo is Japan's most profitable company - their creators have always focused on creative, engaging gameplay, and they've done it so well that 30-year-old games still feel contemporary."
- schlockabsorber
"When I was younger and still got emotional over stuff, I would always play Mario 3 when depressed or upset. It was just a soothing way to just turn off my brain for awhile."
- Ashitaka1013
Doom
"Doom"
-mike_markerson
"Most old games feel clunky. Doom 1 and 2 are still as smooth as butter."
- Matt463789
"Yes, the OG. I replayed classic Doom, as well as 2 and 3 recently. Then I replayed the original Wolfenstein."
- smoffatt34920
"this reply is way underrated. love classic doom game with its literally tens of thousands of fan-made maps."
- ritaremton
"I’m upset I had scroll down this far to see Doom."
- YuShtink
"Why is this so far down? 30 year old game, and I was playing it this morning"
- ogGarySe7en
"People complain about all the rereleases of Skyrim over the past decade. Meanwhile I've bought DOOM on Win 95, Win 98 (Collector's Edition), SNES, PlayStation, SEGA 32x, Jaguar, Xbox Live Arcade, GBA, Steam, Mobile, Switch... And I'm sure I'm still missing one or two. And I don't regret a single one, even if some of the older console ports are rough."
- LandauTST
Now for my personal little interjection here - Elder Scrolls:Oblivion.
It kind of crushes my soul to think of a 2006 game as "old school" so let's just focus on the reasons it's amazing, kay?
Oblivion gave us options on options on options. The programming was a masterpiece, so much so that even the glitches become glorious works of art.
And Sheogorath??? Perfection.
You know what the gamers of Reddit feel, and you know my vote - though my regular readers are probably tired of me ranting about Oblivion by now.
But what about you?
What classic game still gets you going?
I love sex. But it can be stressful. I've always found connection to be one of the best lessons.
Communications
GIF by HULUGiphy"Assuming they already know what their partner wants/likes and doesn't communicate or take any instructions."
Melonqualia
Take it Slow
"No foreplay and not caring if your partner is enjoying it."
orangecrushhhh
"I had an ex who literally never wanted to do any kind of foreplay. He just wanted basically sex of any kind for him. He said oral on women was gross."
UntiltheEndoftheline
Will U?
"Proposing mid intercourse."
Immortal_D_Class
"Honestly? With the partner I have, I'd think it was pretty hot and romantic lmao. I'd check in after the deed to make sure he was serious but our relationship is already very serious so it wouldn't be a big deal."
Weird_Spinach
Talk to Me
"Not talking or making any noises. We don't have to dirty talk the whole time or even at all but you gotta let me know you're enjoying it at least."
idkburneridkidk
"I think there's some balance between having some small talk, silence, and dirty talk while being in bed with someone. Or maybe that's just been my experience. I don't know--I think there's some fun in trying to carry a side conversation while having sex lol."
BranTheBrokens
Experts
"Friction isn’t always a good thing."
KathAlMyPal
Yuck
Bored Larry Bird GIF by SB NationGiphy"To this you can add unclipped fingernails."
Whats4dinner
"And dirty fingernails. Nah, ma'am. I’m betting this is not worth the infection. Thanks."
ADDYISSUES89
‘good at sex’
"I have a feeling most men will say 'lack of enthusiasm' and that most women will say 'being selfish about pleasure.'"
addicted_to_blistex
"I’m a woman and my first thought was lack of enthusiasm, but my own lack of enthusiasm. The only bad sex I’ve had is when I don’t genuinely want to be there. I’ve had sex with guys who weren’t ‘good at sex’ but still enjoyed it because I was really into them."
maybememaybeno
Damn Pat
"They are convinced they know more about what works for you than you know yourself. Just cause your ex-lover Pat liked technique X doesn't mean everyone does."
Less-Market9641
"Have experienced this, it sucks. He wouldn’t listen to what I enjoyed, didn’t want me to say ANYTHING even if it hurt or wasn’t working, and would just say something along the lines of 'every other woman I’ve been with liked it.' I’m thinking, all you’ve had are one-night stands, really, so they probably didn’t say anything."
"I’ve had numerous partners and love sex. Crashed and burned with this one and he really crushed my self-esteem and sexual confidence."
Proper-Beach8368
I KNOW!!
"The biggest thing is always going to be selfishness and the inability/refusal to communicate and listen to your partner. I've seriously had a guy yell 'I KNOW HOW TO DO IT!' when I was trying to tell him how I liked whatever he was doing. He then got even more upset when I said 'did you just f**king yell at me? Alright, off, I'm done.'"
drunky_crowette
Flavors
Amanda Seales Wow GIF by truTVGiphy"Lack of variety. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean crazy kinks or positions from the karma sutra, but more when it's really predicable. I has an ex that had this weird routine of positions, it was exactly the same every single f**king time in exactly the same order."
thegrimrita
Sex. Let's be better at it.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
I'm single because I've given up. And I'm good. For now.
Peace
Snoop Dogg Reaction GIFGiphy"I put absolutely no effort into meeting someone."
grayestorm
"Same! Also it's extremely difficult when you feel so at peace being by yourself. The fact that I have to find someone whose presence outweighs my level of comfort being alone seems impossible."
cheezkurls
Staying Put
"Hard to meet people when you are a hermit."
EchoOfShadow
"Yeah, I describe myself as a shut-in, lol. I leave my apartment to work, I leave my apartment to buy food, and occasionally I’ll bring out the trash, otherwise I just watch Hulu, play online chess, surf Reddit."
Tru-Queer
"Same. I've spent months trying to find an apartment I can afford without a roommate and finally settled on a small studio apartment for $1100 a month because I'd rather living in a tiny space and be left the hell alone than share a much nicer place even with a good friend."
ablondedude
Problems
"I have too many unsolved issues, i can't in good conscience bring someone else into them."
Zdos123
"Idk your issues but everyone's got some crap. Not sure how unique yours are but everyone's got some crap. It's good to share some of your struggles with other people. Just don't open with it haha."
dr-305
"Issues unresolved or not, (in my case) only makes it worse when you feel like you could open up to them, and they just take those to use it against yourself afterwards."
if_itsMolly
Isolated
"I hardly go out and expose myself to people. I'm uncomfortable with the notion of myself being in a relationship at this point. Also, I'm very dry in terms of personality."
Torturephile
"I spent a year entirely isolated due to covid and now I can't handle physical contact. It makes me really uncomfortable and a hug is enough to make my body shut down. I'm hopeless."
DinoHunter64
Captain America Lol GIF by mtvThat's funny. But it feels oddly true.
Think Winnie The Pooh GIFToxic
"Last relationship was so toxic, I've sworn off dating, at least for awhile. I haven't had this much free time in ages. It's nice."
"Edit: Hey, it's really great hearing from so many people with similar experiences. Like many of you, I've been taking it in stride and focusing on bettering myself, both physically and mentally. It's done wonders for my health and I feel a whole lot better. I wish y'all the very best. Stay excellent, my friends."
muchkoku
Alone Forever
"I'm 35yr old single father to a 5yr old and I work nights. It's hard to find free time to meet someone, especially in my area. If I do have free time to myself, I like staying home and ordering a pizza while drinking some beers and playing video games. I pretty much faced the fact that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life."
No_Leader_2711
taking space
"I was in an 8 year relationship (married for two) to my high school sweetheart. Exactly this same time last year, we got divorced because I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend. The best friend I had known LONGER than him and was friends with since fourth grade."
"She was living with us to try to get back on her feet. Yeah lol. So I lost my best friend and the man I had been with for 8 years within the same night. So I moved to another state, got an apartment by myself, and am now single and divorced all by 26. Not really looking unless the right person comes along."
"It’s pretty happy and peaceful now that they’re both out of my life though honestly. You realize people’s toxicity and flaws the most once you get space away from them."
yodacat24
Bad Loop
Seth Meyers Whatever GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy"Because my relationships end before they even begin."
_uberwench_
"This is my story right here."
xxshole
Alright. Now that we've laid out all the excuses, let's get to matching with some people.
Overcome with joy
"In all reality?"
"Probably cry for about 30 minutes because the biggest existential fear at the very core my humanity has now been lifted."
"If Heaven exists, like 50% of the awesomeness is just the very fact that it exists."
heaven gate GIF by South Park GiphyA re-match long in the making
"Ask my childhood friend Kevon for a race."
"He used to beat me handily when were younger (9-13) and he’d always brag."
"When I got older and faster I moved away so I was never able to race him again."
"We arranged for a race but he was shot multiple times and bound to a wheelchair until he passed a few years ago."
"I wanna race him both in our prime."- Abethegreat1
Reunite with loved ones
"Find my husband, give him a huge hug and never let go again."
"Live our forever together."
"I f*cking love him and miss him so much."- jessdfrench
"Embrace my sweet wife and tell her how proud I am of the kids."- RifleShower
"Try to find my brother."
"Man, I miss him."
"He died in 2020 at age 34."- grummlinds1
Miss U GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsAchieve the "firsts" we never got to do
"Find my son and have a beer with him."
"Something we never got to do in real life."- tanukis_parachute
Hone new skills
"Try to play Smoke on the water on my harp."- Ashtar-the-Squid
Care Free Black Girls GIF by AuroraDrawsLive on without pain
"Enjoy my healthy back without pain."- Knackbein_
Who knows what's in store for us after our lives come to an end.
But living with the idea that something wonderful awaits when our time has come is all people need to continue to live their lives to the fullest, and treat others with the respect and kindness they deserve.