It's pretty typical to want to impress people, especially if it's the first time meeting them, but some folks go out of their way to make it seem like they're superior. Sometimes their attempts fall flat, and sometimes they do exactly the opposite of what was intended.
Reddit user u/noteprocupes asked:
20.
Giphy
I'm convinced people dart in and out of traffic thinking they're "beating the system" and they congratulate themselves on being efficient. In reality, they've saved no significant amount of time and came out looking like an uneducated a*shole.
Those are the people that slow traffic down by causing everyone else to hit their brakes. Lots of lane changes are a huge cause of traffic.
19.
Hating anything that's "popular" just because it's popular. Trying too hard to come across as sophisticated, edgy, and "better."
I just genuinely don't like that many popular things and I hate it when people are like "haha yea, how can you like that garbage?"
Like, dude, just because I don't enjoy it doesn't mean it's bad?
18.
Giphy
Answer questions on the spot.
It's ok to say "I don't know" or "let me do some research and get back to you on that one".
Getting comfortable with that really changed my career for the better because I was killing myself with anxiety when I didn't have answers or making dumb mistakes when i tried to have an answer for everything off the cuff.
17.
Diagnose every person involved in a spat on r/AITA and r/relationships as narcissists without knowing what that actually means.
Okay so it's not just me. I noticed EVERY SINGLE PERSON who is a jerk is labeled a narcissist and I don't get it. Is that the new buzzword for sh**ty person?
16.
"Do you even listen to (band you're wearing a shirt of)?"
Yes. Why would I wear a Pink Floyd shirt if I don't like Pink Floyd?
Also, "name 3 (band on shirt) songs."
If they can, congratulations. You look like a jerk.
15.
This guy at work likes to stand up at his desk and practice his martial arts. Always talks about how if someone were to attack him how he would defend himself in the situation and take him down. With specifics. Gah its annoying.
14.
My favorite are the "teacher please notice I read this book/article not on the syllabus but kind of relevant to the class" questions.
Especially since most of the time the professor doesn't have much of a response beyond acknowledging the connection. I took a yearlong intensive business program and this one kiss-*ss managed to bring up a book that was mentioned during orientation in just about every class the whole year.
13.
Use extra long, endlessly winding sentences and niche jargon.
I can't remember how many students I had to tell, that no, writing sentences which hardly anyone can follow and use words which are super specific and hardly anyone knows, does not make you seem clever or smart, let alone educated or intelligent. It makes you look like an idiot who has no idea what they are talking about, since they can't find the words to make other people understand the issue.
12.
I really really hate when people show up late to lecture, sit in the front, then start answering questions the professor is asking just by rewording what they said.
10.
Using "buzz" words when talking about something they know little or nothing about. I got the blue screen of death and one of my friends told me it was because of my isp, or could be my bandwidth. Do you even know what isp stands for?
Oh man, I do tech work for fire alarm panels and I had a coworker that managed the accounts but knew nothing about the tech side. That's fine, it's not her job to know the tech, but she didn't like to admit it and would call and try to ask me questions using a bunch of industry related words she'd heard me use but didn't understand and it would just be a mishmash of incomprehensible gibberish.
To give you an idea, imagine it's a pizza shop and a customer calls to complain about a cold pizza. She calls me up since I made the pizza and says "Hey the customer said their pizza was cold, do you think the mozzarella might have caused the oven to crust over from anchovies being topped from the parmesan bell peppers with olives being cut?"
9.
You'll never look bad for saying "who" when you mean "whom".
You'll always look bad for saying "whom" when you mean "who".
Likewise, "its" instead of "it's" is really easy to overlook, but the reverse sticks out like a sore thumb.
8.
Correcting everything and everyone in the smallest things. It's just annoying. Even worse how they get offended when someone corrects them.
7.
Giphy
Berate you for not understanding a joke or phrase—and refusing to explain it, because they obviously don't get it either.
Ah, the ole, I am going to tell you this joke to see how you respond and hope that you say the punchline so I finally get it routine.
We have a serious problem with this on my team at work (IT-related job). We are a small group, only 5 people plus my supervisor. We have two people that constantly do this. I read an article about how to combat when people constantly talk over you because I was so worn out over it. They mentioned that it's usually best to stop talking, wait until they're finished then say, "as I was saying before..." It has helped tremendously with one of the over-talkers. Fingers crossed that the other will become more self-aware.
5.
When you say, "Hey I didn't know this, but shortbread cookies don't have eggs in them," and the other person says, "You didn't KNOW shortbread cookies don't have eggs in them?!" "No Karen, that's why I started that sentence with, Hey I didn't know this." Maybe it's more specific to me....
Omg guys, look at this utter doofus who at one point didn't know something which he then learnt and knew afterwards. How embarrassing must that be!?
4.
Weave in and out of traffic only to wind up no further ahead.
I always laugh when someone weaves like they are in fast and furious, and then I catch up to them at the next light.
3.
Pretend to be informed about and insist on having an opinion about anything and everything: above all, a total refusal to ever employ the expressions 'I don't know', or 'Please explain.'
This instantly marks you out as an essentially uneducated person. Well-educated people know, above all else, what they do not know, and they have no compunction whatever about admitting what they don't know-- implicitly, because they know that an admission of ignorance is the surest way to remedy it, and have confidence that they can understand and learn about basically anything, given time.
Know-it-alls are almost invariably covering up for their own intellectual insecurities, while effectively putting them on full display.
2.
Steering conversations towards their area of expertise.
I just asked if you saw Endgame, how are we talking about the Russian boycott of the 1984 Olympics?
1.
Be contrarian or negative about absolutely EVERYTHING. It's ok to have a negative opinion about something, but some people just love to argue for no reason other than to seem like they're smart.
Reddit user Purple_Pineapple_752 asked:
"If God gave you his powers for 1 hour, What would you do?"
So here's the thing, Reddit has no chill.
Like none.
So every random whim, thought, or chip on people's shoulders certainly came out in the comments.
And honestly... it's delicious.
Some Redesigns Needed
"Redesign human knee and shoulder joints. Because, seriously, I've got some bug reports that have been ignored."
- m_sporkboy
"You’ve got my vote! As a nearly 30yr old with chronic arthritis, I’d say thank you!"
- RiskyBisc
"Yup. Tore my ACL the other month in college football and am now a 'house potato' according to my dad."
- Bu11tproofTiger
"Both of my shoulders are reconstructed. My hips are finished as well an I'm in my 30s ."
"I think the human body needs to be made of better quality parts at this point lol"
- lolparty247
GiphyGame Time
"Elected politicians, and candidates for office can no longer lie."
"Intentionally or unintentionally, every thing they express will be truth. If they try to lie, it will come out truth."
"This is not meant to be wholly benevolent."
"No half truths. No vagaries. The plain and objective truth, or silence. Those are their options."
"And it applies to all elected politicians, officially government sponsored ones (MPs) or otherwise, like say the elected spokesman of the IRA."
"Let the games begin."
- AlphaTangoFoxtrt
"This is actually terrifying."
"Imagine you are elected. You want to know the nuclear launch codes? No worries, just try to state the first character in the sequence."
"You cannot lie. So what you say will come out as correct. Now just have someone write it down."
"Want the password to the white house twitter account? No worries, just get someone to vote you into some form of office. Could be you and joe-no-body, it doesn't matter."
"Privacy would end overnight."
"No no no, you want them to not be able to tell intentional lies. Then at least it's limited to things they know. And just for good measure, give every elected official a strong sense of questioning their own knowledge."
- UFO64
"I feel like this power will end up being a monkeys paw. You try to do good but it has an equal/opposite reaction..."
"You make it so politicians can't lie, and the followers just accept it and still vote them into power."
"Make it so people have critical thinking and aren't easily misled by conspiracies and propaganda, then I dunno, maybe we find out we needed conspiracies in our life and we now no longer question anything.. Idk.."
"You remove corruption and it has some unforeseen knock on impact where now South American or African countries become super powers and a new cold war erupts with new players."
"Yeh monkeys paw... Beware of this power..."
- splashbodge
GiphyToast Technicalities
"Create various images on toast and have fun watching believers react to them."
- CaptchaSolvingRobot
"But technically... they would be right because it was you as God!! You!!"
- SonOfARemington
"I’ve often wondered how many people eat their Jesus toast without ever bothering to check."
"Extending the thought, how many people actually do check their toast only to think to themselves, 'Hey! It’s Keanu Reeves!' ”
- smeeding
GiphyCan We Vote For This Person?
"1st of all, I would make it so that everyone napping always wakes up refreshed. All naps now last 23 minutes but feel like 4 hours of perfect sleep."
"Nothing is addictive."
"All men are given perfect recall about everything their wives have said or done."
"All women obtain positive body images."
"Taco trees."
"People who are cool never have their shoe laces come undone. A-holes have their laces break every Friday."
"Dogs stay small puppies for 3 extra months and come out potty trained."
"Turtles can play trumpet."
"America switches to metric with no fuss."
"The internet makes sense to everyone over 70....but they chose to avoid social media anyway."
"Corn syrup goes away."
"All religions announce simultaneously that God is kinda... but not exactly gay."
"Every swastika owned drawn or tattooed is slowly burned away over a week. It hurts really bad and is replaced by a picture of a teddy bear blowing a very startled looking Nick Cage."
- Ethandrul
"You had me at trumpet turtles and taco trees."
- fallen87angel
"I also choose this god."
- PBnBacon·
GiphyAssuming I'm Still Interested
"Assuming I’m still really interested in Earth, get us back to zero or a good starting point."
"Remove all trash and pollution everywhere. It just ceases to exist."
"Complete all municipal separated storm sewer projects instantly."
"Instantly create storm water gardens wherever necessary. Instantly eliminate lawn culture and convert to lawn alternatives to eliminate run off."
"Instantly convert all power generation to safe thorium nuclear and renewable. Instantly convert all sea shipping to clean nuclear."
"Instantly convert all cars to electric. Create charging stations at every residence."
"Instantly convert all heavy construction equipment to a safer fuel (I don’t know what yet). Instantly put solar panels on every structure/house. Instantly create bike lanes everywhere. Instantly create bike culture of the Netherlands everywhere."
"Upgrade everywhere to high speed rail systems similar to Japan. Switch all roads to permeable pavement."
"Instantly perform major upgrades on every structure, road and bridge everywhere. Have all work go to new construction and maintenance."
"Instantly install field drains and timer stadium lights in all playing fields."
"Instantly process all rape kits in all police stations."
"Instantly repair all playgrounds and park features everywhere."
"Automatically register everyone to vote. Create 10 new states out of Texas and California. Instantly pass political reform."
"Legalize all drugs. Instantly create more treatment centers."
"Instantly cure all ailments that are in recovery in hospital and would cure naturally. Instantly move those patients back home."
"Instantly kill all patients who would die naturally. Instantly inform all families."
"Instantly remove all graveyards and eliminate practice of saving dead. Create new ritual of donation to science or turn into tree."
"Instantly create depression cure. Instantly create obesity cure. Instantly create formula to grow/repair existing teeth."
"Instantly change taxation rate to post WW2 for businesses. Instantly change view of all workers to pro-union."
"Instantly identify and eliminate all political corruption. Have everyone just realize all this exists."
"Eliminate all religious belief everywhere. Instantly create belief in helping neighbors, being a good person, and creating a heaven on earth."
"Eliminate all mosquitoes. Bring back bees."
"Is time up? Was that an hour?"
- winnower8
GiphyOne Solution To The Fossil Fuel Issue
"Having given it some thought:"
"Easy parthenogenesis for all humans, regardless of their biological sex and mental identity."
"And the natural ability to self terminate pregnancies. And self. That would wipe out a whole bunch of angst and repression in the world."
"The ability to fly, as someone else suggested, at fairly rapid speeds. This would vastly change society, no more cars, planes, elevators, stairs, possibly no more country borders, it would be nearly impossible to enforce. The demand for oil would plummet and the environment would be healthier."
"Extra longevity, with senescence happening only a few years before death."
- CanadianJogger
GiphyGenderqueer Garlic Bread
"Make an easily accessed and super powerful source of electrical energy that's renewable and environmentally friendly, it's also easily accessed (this could just be 100% efficient solar gen, or a generator that somehow turns heat back into useable energy? I dunno I'll be god, I could figure it out)."
"Cure All Diseases"
"Humanity now has the ability to magically transform themselves freely to look however they choose, provided it's still anthropomorphic."
"I'm genderqueer; this would make it so all the non-cis people wouldn't need expensive drugs and surgery, or suffering, although I guess we'd be dealing with a few furries but y'know that's fine with me."
"Reverse earth's environmental damage back to pre-industrial while maintaining all the infrastructure changes."
"Finally, all major US and Canadian highways are underground and infinitely maintainable, AND there's also Bullet Trains that run underground with them along the WHOLE interstate/400 Series and Extension/Trans-Can that way I NEVER HAVE TO DRIVE AN HOUR TO WORK AGAIN."
"AND all Cities with populations over 10K have more-than-adequate 100% free public transit that's also so efficient the busses/trains/trolleys/whatever are never late."
"OH one more thing: Since everyone is gonna be sexy because of the Shapeshifting, everyone is either pansexual, or ace, and the people that are ace aren't seen as weird and are completely respected in their orientation. And we all have an innate sense both to locate each other and to locate garlic bread."
- someBrokeCanadian
GiphyThe Timer
"I would set a timer for 10 years and then everyone dies and the earth explodes. I would make everyone aware of the timer."
"I think that would eliminate a lot of bullshit around the world like war and hate, and would make for a really good last time alive until we all die together."
"Am I a weirdo?"
- DoobieMcBeast
GiphySky Farm
"Erase COVID"
"Curse everyone whose name was listed in the Pandora Papers to spontaneously explode somewhere in public and just let the media chips fall where they will."
"Create a sky-dwelling jellyfish that eats carbon fumes and whose tentacles contain a chemical that makes you feel total euphoria for 8 hours straight."
"See how long it takes humans to turn them into a carbon-sucking, drug-producing sky farm animal."
- NebulaPlural
"I am 100% on board for carbon-Hoover-jelly-sky-fish-farms."
"Magnificent."
- sinskins
Giphy"Because Who Wouldn't?"
"I'd get rid of all mental impairment diseases and conditions. Alzheimers, Dementia, the severe mental impairment that some kids are born with (Not sure what the various conditions are called)."
"I would make humans and other animals immune to cancer. I would extend healthy human lifespans by another 50 years, and dogs and cats can also live as long as humans."
"I would then give humans the ability to research and cure other diseases and ailment so that mankind could eventually have treatments for such things as they come along. I say this because I only get an hour and things will appear in the future that can't be predicted (even with God's power)."
"And lastly, I'd of course, give my self a bigger dick, because who wouldn't?"
- ClownfishSoup
GiphyOh you didn't honestly think we were going to get through an article about god-like powers and NOT have someone use it for penises... did you?
Come on now.
You're not THAT new on the internet.
You know how people are around here.
What would YOU use your god-like powers for now that you've read some of Reddits ideas? Let us know in the comments.
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