Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Working from home this past year has definitely changed things for people. While not everyone has been lucky to enjoy the work-from-home experience, for those who have they've enjoyed a little bit of what we'll call "linguistic freedom."

You can swear a lot more. That's the plus.
However, with the world opening back up slowly and safely there needs to be a return to workplace etiquette. You can't tell everyone to f*** off like you do to your cat when they're cleaning themselves on your office chair while the camera was accidentally left on during the fourth Zoom meeting of the day. You need to handle difficult situations with dignity, grace, and decorum.

Reddit user, u/EmolgaStarPlatinum, wanted to hear how to tell someone off when they asked:

Reddit, what is the most professional way to tell someone to f*** off?

Being in a professional environment means finding the most eloquent, illustrious ways of saying something that could be easily said in one or two words.

And, of course, one of those words is f***.

Don't. Ask. Me. Again.

"As previously discussed on [enter date[ this matter was resolved, I have cc'd [your supervisor], please direct any further questions or concerns to them."


"Per my last email..."


"Nah that one means "Learn to f-cking read you turnip brain".


Bloody Pirates!

"I'm disinclined to acquiesce your request.

...Means no."

From Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl"


We're Not Choosing You

"We have decided to move forward with other candidates. We appreciate your interest in this position."


Again, We're Not Bloody Choosing You!

"We've decided to pursue with more qualified candidates at this time.'"


My Time Is More Valuable Than Yours

"My boss who is on the phone talking to a crazy customer: "Thank you for your time, sir. Unfortunately, we no longer want to except your business. Goodbye."

"hangs up the phone while the customer is still talking on the other side"


Seriously. We're NOT Choosing You.

"Thank you for your application but we have decided on a more qualified candidate."


Unfortunately, all of these situations require more grace than what you might be comfortable giving, especially if its bad news. So instead of cutting to the chase, you have to say it in a comfortable way.

Think About It. You'll Get It.

"Could you please close the door from the outside."


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Shutting Down Your Requests

"Told my supervisor that we needed certain equipment. "Good prediction" was the response I got. Just spit on me next time."


The Joke Is We're Never Coming Back To It.

"Let's put a pin in that and circle-back later"


Thanks For Wasting Our Time

"Well, you've provided us all with a great opportunity for education on this matter."


Then there's these.

The sickest of sick burns, the real zingers that'll make your co-workers cry out in silence when they return to their workspace and are totally certain no one is watching them sit in shame.

*insert Get Out GIF

"The exit is right behind you sir/ma'am. I do hope I need not to assist you to it."


I Acknowledge Your Feelings, But Do Not Share Them

"I understand your concern, but I do not have the same concern."


You Won't

"Thank you. I'll take that into consideration."


"My dipsh-t uncle told me these exact two sentences when I personally called to invite him to my wedding because he had a falling out with my dad at the time."


The Joke Is: It Hasn't.

"Tell them "your opinion has been noted".


What You Say Doesn't Matter

"This conversation is no longer productive, we'll have to come back to it with a clear head"


The world is opening back up. Old habits need to be reinstated if we're to return to a civilized society.

In short, don't cuss out your boss just because he took the last doughnut from the lounge. Keep that kind of language at home. Find a more respectable way to tell them where they can stick that pastry.

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