“Everybody hates me until they need me.” What professions are examples of this?"
Joke All You Want, They Both Help You When You're In Trouble...
"Lawyers and mechanics."
"You want to have a good one of each, but you never want to have to call either of them."- OneFingerIn
Literally Always There To Clean Up Your Mess...
"When I was a janitor I got a lot of hate for knocking out my 8 hour day in 4 individual hour long chunks of effort."
"I Was always available for spills and got extra work done every day but spent another 4 hours basically chilling and management not once got on my case."
"The other employees despised this until a customer's colostomy bag somehow ruptured in the bathroom."
"From that day forward none of them gave a f*ck if I was just hanging out on my phone."- Electronic_Warning49
Risking Their Lives To Save Ours
"The US Coast Guard for fishermen and boaters."
"Usually there's a pretty good working relationship between them, but some hate the Coast Guard for the various inspections they do."
"But the USCG is also the ones who will come out there in a storm to rescue them."- raym0ndv2
sad episode 12 GIFGiphyThe IT Factor...
"IT, except people hate me when they need me, too."- Dogstile
"IT, not the clown."- Nebula_Forte
"Any IT job requiring break/fix support."
"Basically when everything works it’s 'good it’s supposed to work' and then when something goes wrong that’s out of your control it’s 'what did you do?!'"
"When we did absolutely nothing to cause the problem, haha."- Psilocyb-zen
It Crowd Maurice Moss GIFGiphyThe Improve Much More Than People's Vanity
"Plastic Surgeons."
"My uncle is a plastic surgeon and he does only reconstructive stuff, fixing burn victims faces and stuff like that."
"But when people ask him what kind of doctor he is and he says Plastic Surgeon, they usually kinda scoff."- darkysix
The Butt Of One Too Many Jokes...
"Lawyer here."
"The expectation that because you are a lawyer you know everything about every law everywhere."
"In reality most lawyers are highly specialized."- Bisjoux
Ironic That The People Who Help Our Smile Often Make Us Frown
"Dentists for sure."- Ohboohoolittlegirl
Dentist GIFGiphyGetting Your Money's Worth
"All the trades guys."
“'They’re so expensive!'"
"Until that plumber shows up at 2am to prevent the sewage backup."
"Or the electrician that fixes an overloaded breaker panel, preventing a fire."
"Or the carpenter who builds the room for your toddler so you can get some sleep and maybe some sexy time."
"Definitely tradesmen."- Wolfie1531
Be Honest Though, Would You Rather Do Your Own Taxes?
"Accounting."- tadashi4
It's Often The Context Which Ignites The Hatred...
"'Lawyer' is going to be the most common answer to this question by far."
"But I suppose any licensed service provider could fall into this category, given the right context."
"Plumbers are another good example."
'Everyone thinks they're scum and crooks until the washing machine breaks down."
"Electricians, contractors, locksmiths, etc."
"They all fit this mold."
Season 2 Lawyer GIF by MartinGiphy"Unless you work with them daily, you're not going to be seeing them very often."
"And you're only seeing them when there's a problem , so you're primed to be upset by the time they even show up."
"Psychologically, you associate the plumbing issue with the plumber, when ironically, the plumber is there to fix it."
"Everyone wants to shoot the messenger."
"IT people and network security professionals are another classic example of this effect."- MissBitsy
When You Realize You Can't Call To Complain...
"Lineman."
"Been called a lazy overpaid drug addict by old men I don't even know."
"God forbid we go grab lunch or a coffee."- MaesterKyle
The Ones Who Make Your Late Night Craving Feasible...
"Fast food workers."
"They’re the butt of every demeaning comment about a lack of achievement or the reason why minimum wage shouldn’t be raised blah blah blah."
"But those people get real quiet once they’re ordering their Big Mac."- TheHomieData
food service ce416 GIF by truTV’s The Carbonaro EffectGiphyIt's often when we need the help of others that we find ourselves at our most anxious and frustrated.
This is why it's important to remind ourselves that these people are there to help us, and we should not take out our anxiety or frustration on them.
Particularly if we want the problem to be solved.
Redditor nobody-and-68-others was eager to hear the funniest "you mamma" jokes people have ever heard, leading them to ask:
"What are the best “Yo mama” jokes you got?"
Yo mamma's so fat...
"yo mamma so fat she wakes up in sections."- LolCoca
"Yo mama so fat when I had a threesome with her I never met the other guy."- 1nzlocky
Fat GIF...How fat Is she?
"Yo mama's so fat she outweighs the needs of the many."- BenefitsCustardbatch·
"Yo mama’s so fat that every time she turns around, it’s her birthday."- Amphibutter·
Yo mamma's so ugly...
'Yo mama so ugly, criminals break into her house just to close the curtains."- Cap_the_pro
"Yo mama so ugly your dad wakes up with morning wouldn't."- lukeedbnash
"Yo mama so ugly, her portraits hang themselves."- SolHalcyon
the emperors new groove hangover GIFGiphyThis could have so many meanings...
"The earth was flat until they buried yo mama."- jaymo54
Fat AND Ugly?
"Yo mama so fat, when she goes on a diet, the stock market drops."
"Yo mama so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back."- SophisticatedOtaku
Needless to say, not all jokes are to everyone's taste.
Something to keep in mind when sharing these jokes with others.
Particularly with, "yo mamma", or anyone else's...
To hear examples of where to draw the line in comedy, Redditor DeltaName asked:
"What do you see as the lowest form of humour?"
Not everyone can handle being pranked.
It would behoove the jokester to really know their victim's limits before committing to something that can be potentially harmful.
Disguised Attacks
"When 'pranks' are really just bullying/assault."
"Its only funny if the person being pranked can laugh about it as well, if not, its not a prank."
– Cleverbird
Just A Jerk
"Another thing, in an extremely simplified scenario to illustrate: the victim suspects it's a prank and calls BS on it. '600 paper bags? Is this a prank?'"
"The perpetrator plays innocent and swears it's on the up and up: 'No, we really DO need 600 paper bags!'"
"Victim gets the bags, perpetrator laughs and reveals it was 'just a prank.'"
"I see this play out pretty often. If the jig is up, admit it and move on. Otherwise, you're just being a jerk-- not a funny prankster."
– hmmm_thought_pig
Too Stage-y
"I also hate pranks that are obviously staged. A prank isn't funny because of what's being done, but because a good prank will be based somewhat in reality - so for a second the person being pranked believes whatever is happening is actually happening to them."
"So when a prank is staged, I see no comical value in it whatsoever. They're just really poorly acted, low budget sketches at that point."
– tmobilekid
For The Sake Of Clicks
"Pranking kids. Making them cry just for a sh**ty tic tok video."
– Outcasted_introvert
Unfair Target
"Cheap shots on a persons physical appearance."
– Alternative-Poem-337
People think joking about a traumatic past should be off-limits.
There Are Limits
"'Pranking' others about serious matters."
– Sa-lin
The Difference
"Prank: covering someone's room in tinfoil."
"Not prank: faking a traumatic emotional event"
"It's a pretty easy line to spot if you're not a jerk, but people suck."
– APearce
Taking Advantage Of The Gullible
"Yeah I hate these. Like I said a pretty innocuous joke and dude got all serious and said he was abused or his mom died or something. I felt bad and stopped joking around and apologized. And then it was like 'haha look how dumb he is for believing that HARDEEHAR!'"
"I'm just like wtf, u think I'm gonna call u out as a liar over sensitive stuff like that?? Of course I choose to believe you. And you're kind of a dick!"
– iFlyskyguy
A Lost Opportunity
"I had a friend I was close to in high school. One day he confessed to that me was dying from a terminal illness. I pitied him and did my best to be a good friend for the next two months, and then found out he was lying for apparently no reason."
"Obviously I was confused and angry so I stopped hanging out with him and to this day I still have no idea why he did that. If he wanted attention, he had it already -- he never knew, but I had a slight crush on him at the time."
– gekigarion
These workplace pranks are anything but hysterical.
At The Expense Of Co-Workers
"F'king with workers for a video."
– KiraSandwich
Who Does This?
"Throwing a drink at someone, especially a food worker after they hand you the drink. My f'king god I hate seeing that sh*t."
– suddenAlcoholic
Taking Another Person's Property
"Saw a video of a guy stealing a worker's ID and running in the hallway while the worker was chasing him.. he did it as a 'prank' apparently."
"Really hate that sh*t."
– ballistic-dumba**
As an Asian-American, I've often been subject to racist humor.
"I'm just kidding. I have tons of Asian friends," is the excuse I've grown numb to hearing, and I often laughed it off. I always thought that if I expressed my humiliation, I would be accused of being "too defensive" or lacking a sense of humor.
I realized, embarrassingly late, that by going along with their mockery of me using Asian stereotypes, that I was complicit in perpetuating casual racism towards people who look like me.
When non-White people are constantly made fun of based on their ancestry and/or color of their skin, it's never funny.
My statement may invoke others to call me "woke."
For me, it's more like "I've had it, I'm tired, and I'm no longer taking your racist bullsh*t."
Oh, bless your heart.
"Had an old lady ask me when her dog would grow its leg back after an amputation."- Moctor_Drignall
Don't mind if I do
"I was eating ice cream and an old guy walking into the ice cream parlor said, 'Oh, that looks good! I'm gonna get a spoon'."
"I smiled and laughed awkwardly, until his damn spoon was in my ice cream."- KnittingTrekkie
Feedback is greatly appreciated
"It was when I met up with an online friend for the first time."
"It was surprisingly more fun than I thought it would be."
"By the end of the night, as we were waiting to get served at a restaurant, she looked at me and asked how I thought our outing went."
"I told her that I had a great time."
"But that didn't seem to do it for her."
"She proceeded to tell me about how she does this thing, at the end of every outing with her friends, where she rates and gives feedback on how well it went, what didn't go so well, and what could do with some improvement for next time."
"I laughed it off, thinking she was joking."
"It all felt too robotic and school-like for me to take seriously."
"But she definitely was serious."
"I told her to go first so I could get an idea of what she wanted and, I kid you not, she whipped out her phone and started drafting up multiple paragraphs for about 7 minutes or so."
"I felt so awkward because it was also 7 minutes of pure silence and deep concentration."
"Thankfully, I had to leave mid-way because I was needed elsewhere."
"I told her to just text me her thoughts when she was done but she insisted that that wasn't the way to do it, and it HAD to be done in person."
"I still can't believe this is something her and her friends regularly do."- reigndrops17
season 10 episode 22 GIFGiphyWe'll take the house, no need for a bag.
"Working in a catalog store in the UK."
"You pick from the catalog, we bring it out from the warehouse."
"Lady comes in and orders the single largest thing we keep in store."
"A shed. "
"Not a particularly big shed as sheds go, but still a shed."
"'Ok madam if you give me your vehicle's registration number I'll tell the security guys to let you round the back of the store'."
"'Park in bay five and we'll load it for you'."
"'What are you talking about?'"
"'You have to park around back so we can load it into your vehicle'."
"'I don't have a vehicle'."
"'Oh, well, we have the numbers for some white van men and taxi services if you'd like to...'"
"'No just bring it up, Keith can carry it'."
"She indicates a portly man of around 50 across the room'."
"We got it into the lift diagonally, though it trapped a man behind it, and when it came up she said 'what on earth is that?'"
"'That's your shed, madam'."
"'My Keith can't carry that!'"
"'Yeah no sh*t, would you like me to call a van service for you?'"
"She actually just got a refund and left."- reverendmalerik
Race Shed GIF by CBSGiphyThat's not yours, its mine!
"I work at a hotel."
"We have this regular who comes, but usually makes reservations ahead of time, and she has her 'favorite' room she tries to get."
"Well one day she walked in, asking for a room."
"I had rooms available, but not the one she wanted, and she replied 'oh, call the guests in that room and tell them to move out so I can have it'."
"I seriously thought that was a joke and I played along, saying 'I'll get right on that,' as I was getting her info in the computer."N
"All of a sudden she said, 'aren't you going to call them?'"
"'Call who?'"
"'Those guests in that room so I can have it'."
"'Oh, you really weren't joking'."
"I told her that we don't do that, if she wanted that room she needed to call ahead."
"'I have a room, I know it's not your preferred room but it's all I've got, and you can take it or leave it, but I'm not moving a guest out'."
"She seemed almost taken aback by that, but I told her that if she didn't take the room I had she wouldn't get anything."
"She calls ahead now, but I was mortified and shocked she actually tried this stunt, and actually meant it."- llcucf80
What is the meaning of this?!
"Used to work at a big bank that bought out another, somewhat smaller but still pretty big bank about 10 years ago."
"Some guy came in all pissed off because we didn't send him a new debit card with the new bank's logo on it."
"They intentionally made it so the old ones would continue working until they were originally set to expire."
Said it was "'embarrassing'."
"'I can't be the only person who's gotten upset over this, right?'"
"Yeah homie, you were."- giantgoose
GiphyNah, I just do this for fun...
"Back at an old job, retail, I was wearing the uniform with the company name plastered across the front while on a ladder working on a project."
"A customer comes up to me and very seriously looks up and goes 'do you work here'?"
"I just looked at her dumbfounded and judging on her expression change, I'm guessing she quickly realized how dumb that question was."-
That's what you get for skipping math...
"I was talking to my friend the other day about smart people and he said 'the smartest equation that I know is force x acceleration = mass'."
"I said 'good one'."
"He said 'good what?'"- unhollow_knight
Oof...
"My friend said his dad left so I went on with 'oh yeah what kind of b*tches your daddy getting in the milk section at Walmart?'"
"He looked at me with the most hurt look in his eyes."- Limp_Law_3432
A rare, genuine friend.
"Met someone in an 'among us' chat one day and we got along really well."
"We played so many games together and built enough trust to exchange numbers and talk in messages In the game."
"She always talked about how she was a teen mom with twins I always chalked it up to her faking it to protect her identity from online strangers."
"Something I, and probably many others, are guilty of."
"Anyways we talked for a while before she sent me pictures of her with her babies."
"It sunk it that she wasn't lying and she proved it even more by face timing me."
"Her girls were adorable and I'll never forget that friend."
"Unfortunately I lost the phone we met on and I haven't been able to contact her since."- illbehomesoon2027
Twitch Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez GIF by GIPHY NewsGiphyCustomer service at its finest...
"This isn’t a biggie but it left me kinda annoyed."
"I was at the gym and had just started using some equipment when a trainer and his client come over to me."
"Trainer asked how long I’d be."
"I said I just started but I’d be about 10-15 more minutes."
"Trainer looks at me and said 'I’ll give you 5 minutes'.”
"I laughed, thinking he was joking."
"He didn’t laugh."
"He just said 'Go', and walked away with his client."
"Client didn’t say a word."
"I took the time I needed."- DashfulVanilla
What were they going to do with it?
"I was the silly person in this story but that’s okay."
" I was getting my blood drawn and asked if I was able to have my blood back after they tested it."
"The woman looked at me and laughed, assuming I was joking."
"It took her about 10 seconds to realize I wasn’t joking…"- bossybxtch
The children were in such good hands
"I had just started working at my current job about a month prior to this."
"A coworker and I were talking about favorite books when a younger coworker walked in and said, 'oh, I don't believe in books'."
"We laughed...she didn't."
"So I said, but...they exist, see?"
"Picked up several books to show her. She rolled her eyes and said, 'well I know books really exist, but I don't believe in reading"
"...uh...we're working at a school, proooobably not the best place to denounce books."- DishyPanHands
ryan reynolds book GIFGiphyWhat world are they living in"
"When someone asked me 'Who won the civil war?'"- PothierM
It's easy to understand how these poor people thought what they had just heard was a joke.
One imagines, going forward, they might wait to laugh until after the people they were talking to start laughing.
***WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!***
I can't think of anything hilarious at the moment. Make us LOL.
Lady
Shocked Oh No GIF by Yêu LuGiphy"I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event. At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"
UnoriginalUse
at 9am...
"Not the most morbid but I love Anthony Jeselnik’s story about his neighbor who has Alzheimer’s. 'One of my next door neighbors is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s. And every single morning at 9am he knocks on my door and asks me if I have seen his wife.'"
"'Which means that every single morning at 9am I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for quite some time. Now I’ve thought about moving. I have thought about just not answering my door in the morning. But to be honest, it’s worth it… just to see the smile on his face.”
dreagan021
Comedy?
"Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is."
GW2RNGR
"Why can't orphans play tennis? They get confused when they hear love."
JayDub506
People who make comedy are evil. LOL.
The Darkness
That 70S Show Reaction GIF by LaffGiphy"Dark humor is like food; not everyone gets it."
storm_the_castle
God Laughs?
"A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven, where she meets God. To break the tension she tells God a joke about the Holocaust, but God doesn’t laugh. The lady shrugs and says 'I guess you had to be there.'"
“'I guess you had to be there' is a common expression used when someone doesn’t laugh at a joke. It means that the comedy may not translate without the context of the situation."
"In this case the Holocaust survivor is saying it, meaning that during the Holocaust God was nowhere to be found. It’s not really a joke about the Holocaust, but the absurdity of belief in a benevolent God. Hilarious right?"
semimillennial
Oh Baby
"How many dead babies does it take to fix a light bulb? More than 3 cause my garage is still dark."
sirnibs3
Jumpers
"Four people are on a plane, a British guy, a French guy, a Mexican guy, and a guy from Texas. The plane is about to go down so the pilot tells everyone to grab a parachute and jump. The British guy goes first, grabs a parachute, says 'long live the queen!' And jumps out. The French guy goes next, grabs a parachute, says 'vive la France!' And jumps out. Then the Texan goes next, says 'remember the Alamo!' And throws out the Mexican."
joebannaners
Oh Baby
"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw ‘em."
BibleButterSandwich
"Dead baby jokes are my favorite. What’s funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby dressed as a clown."
InteligentTard
"I hate myself for laughing the way I did. I'm so ashamed."
LiteLit
Frozen
Oh My God Wow GIF by The Roku ChannelGiphy"To necrophiliacs there's nothing better than cracking open a cold one."
Schfifty561
Forest Story
"A stranger brings a person in a dark scary forest."
"-Sir, I'm scared."
"-Imagine me, I'll have to find my way back alone..."
Joyce_Windu
2 Chris'
"What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve?"
"Christopher Walken."
About2Time
"I googled sick jokes one day and that was the first result. Savage."
Epatubiq
AHHHH!!
"What's the difference between a baby and a bag of coke?"
"Eric Clapton would pay enough attention for the bag of coke to not drop out of a window."
UnoriginalUse
"That’s Dark Dark."
Raichu-R-Ken
World Issues
"Why did the Ethiopian put up a clothesline?"
"So the children can play in the shade."
"How do you recognize a wealthy Ethiopian?"
"Rolex round the waist."
CropCircle77
Cheers?
"What was Bin Laden's favorite drink."
"A double Manhattan."
itamarka
"I always heard 'two kamikaze shots followed by a manhattan.'"
baf6
Oh no.
Frustrated Gecko GIFGiphy"They say there's safety in numbers... try telling that to 6 million Jews."
alan2998
Passengers
"I want to die like my granddad, while sleeping. Not like the two people screaming in his car."
VulgarVinyasa
"I've always heard this one as: I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandad. Not screaming for my life, like the passengers on his bus."
djAMPnz
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Because I don't know what it says about us as people if we laugh. Oye.
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