I can't talk about this, in order to protect the "innocent."
No Interest
Youre Not Funny GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"She rejected me again. This time for a home loan."
PlanarVet
Off to College
"Not exactly a rejection, but my after going off to college my then-GF from high school told her ultra-religious mother that we’d been fooling around. Her mother had her break up with me and confess to their entire church what she’d been doing with me. A few years ago I heard from a friend in my hometown and he told me that my ex-GF had never done anything after that."
"She went to college, but it was a local school and she never moved out of her mom’s house. She never got a job in her field and still (20 years later) has the same job she had in high school - not just the same employer the same position. She never even dated again after her mom broke us up. It’s like she’s been stuck in stasis since that time."
USPO-222
"there"
"She was my first love, and she broke my heart. I let it haunt me. About four or five years later, we actually started dating again, just long enough to realize we'd both grown in different directions. There was no 'there' there anymore. All we ever really had was that we were young together. Which was great. But that time was in the past. It was a very therapeutic revelation. Set me free."
jimmyjazz2000
The Tattoo Girl
"I went to a concert to see one of my favorite bands, a girl noticed a tattoo I had on my side and showed me a similar one that she had. We talked a bit in between bands until I asked for her number to try to talk to her some. She said no she wasn't cool with that and I said alright no worries and enjoyed the rest of the concert."
"Few months pass by and the band rolls around again, and there she is again. Didn't try asking again because she already said no once before. We see tattoos hug and how each other are doing and make small conversations. Enjoy the concert and go our separate ways."
"Few months pass by again and the band comes through. See her again except this time we know each other without having to compare tattoos. We enjoy the show and as we're leaving I notice she's basically trapped between two guys. She sees me and yells 'hey I've been looking for you! Ready to head back to the airBnB.' So I said 'I've been trying to find you too. Yeah I'm good to go.'"
"Walked her the few blocks back to where she was staying. We had a nice chat during the walk, and ask if she needs anything before I left since I had a good drive back home. And that was it. We talk at the occasional shows we see each other at and on IG from time to time, but I'm glad she felt comfortable enough knowing that she could trust me to make sure she was safe."
CaptainNinj
Hey Neighbor
Giphy"She stood me up on Valentine’s Day three years ago. She’s now my next door neighbor, talked to her a couple times but we aren’t friends or anything."
Zombiejesus8890
Being neighbors? Now that is a special kind of cosmic humor.
Bad Shot
Best Friends Hug GIF by Alex BedderGiphy"I saw a girl from high school at a reunion. She never rejected me because I never had the nerve to ask. At the reunion she confessed that she had a crush on me. You miss all the shots you never take."
AMLRoss
Out of my League...
"We met at a work trip and had great conversations and a connection. When we returned back to our hometown, we went out for some drinks, and she rejected me at the end of the night when I leaned in for a kiss. I thought she was out of my league at that point. We texted for a bit and then went our own ways."
"Little did I know after going our separate ways for two years, I would be tapped at work again for another trip as an emergency replacement. Guess who was running the event? That’s right. She was. We reconnected the first day, and then spent the next night together. Two years later, she’s my fiancé. You never know where life will take you and what timing might mean."
Savage2929
Christmas...
"I met this woman near Christmas of 1999 or 2000, had a wonderful night of chatting, dancing, just a perfect night. I live near her so I drop her off in the taxi. She said she was leaving shortly for Australia so wasn't looking for anything major, but to give her a call later in the week and we'd go do something. She never responded. It was a wonderful night though, and something I always fondly remembered."
"Fast forward to 2019, I meet this woman on tinder, we have a great brunch and end it with a hug and a kiss. Start seeing each other regularly. After a couple of weeks I drop her off at her mum's house - looks so familiar, it's the same house I dropped that woman off 19 years ago."
"This woman I'm dating is that woman - who doesn't remember it, doesn't remember me at all. Such a wonderful insight into how there's two sides to every tale. We didn't last long as a couple, but it was really interesting to be able to cross off one of those that got away."
ddmf
Bumps
"We bumped into each other buying lawndarts at Walmart. She was pregnant and in Cookie Monster PJs, and I was in what were essentially male booty shorts, as my friends swimtrunks fit too short. We were literally both buying packs of lawndarts. We laughed, but both knew deep down inside that that Walmart run was embarrassing AF."
theglowoflove
All's Good
vintage agree GIF by hoppipGiphy"We met again after ~6 years and became good friends."
throwawayaj218
Not too bad. Even when it's calm though, that feeling of no never fully goes away.
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I'll go first.
Ladies. Why do you hate heels? Maybe you're not practicing enough.
Now y'all...
Leakage
I Get It Wow GIF by Awkward Daytime TVGiphy"I always assumed periods were a constant stream of blood (like a cut, as another Redditor put it). Apparently this is wrong, so how does it work? Small gushes?"
billionai1
"Very very very slow leaks… slow on day one, a little heavy on the second and third day, slow to none for the next couple days… varies from person to person."
inmyelement
Roll It
"Do you really like it when men roll up their sleeves?"
Bigbird_Elephant
"Yes. Can't really tell you why. Something about the forearms. It's important to note that it's a phenomenon specific to having long sleeves that are rolled up; a shirt with three quarter sleeves does not produce the same effect. (I think it might be linked to giving the appearance that you're ready to knuckle down and work even though you aren't dressed for it. Idk.)"
LJGHunter
Let's Chat...
"What‘s the most neutral and comfortable to start a conversation (maybe at a bar), without being too shy or too aggressive/rude?"
firebullmonkey
"For me commenting on what’s going on around us. If you’ve tried the cocktails before and want to share opinions, if there’s a game on and I’m looking up at the tv, if there’s a couple on a first date nearby, whatever. The really important thing is to get a good read on if the response is polite vs engaged. If I give you a “yeah” with nothing else stop trying lol even if I smiled or whatever."
General_Organa
Basics...
"Other than the obvious (lying, cheating, rude to you or your friends)what’s the quickest way for your S.O, or someone you’re interested in, to lose your respect?"
DanMittaul
"Lack of general manners or hygiene. Please/thank you/excuse me are important. Regularly bathing, washing your hands, trimming your nails, tidy clothes, etc are important. If you don't invest time and care into these basic things, how am I to know that you will invest time and care into our relationship?"
holy__granola
Smooth...
the silence of the lambs hannibal GIFGiphy"How do many of you have such nice skin? I want to be silky smooth too."
I_ate_your_skin
"Your username makes this question… concerning."
Doom_Toon
How do you get skin that soft? I've tried the lotions. Not working.
With a Cracker
String Cheese Reaction GIF by MOODMANGiphy"Does offering cheese really work?"
Shardnic
papayaseth
The Wife Way
"If you have a wife, there is no question too embarrassing to ask."
high_dosage_of_life
"Before wife-liness, I was a nurse. We got rid of embarrassing questions right off the bat when we were discussing 'experience.' He had none in the physical relationship department, and neither did I, however, I did have to admit that I had probably seen and handled more penises than he ever had... and come to think of it, more vaginas as well, lol."
DishyPanHands
Stay Together
"What’s the deal with peeing together?"
beetus_gerulaitis
"Safety in numbers. Also we like to reapply make up or have a little gossip by ourselves, sometimes it just nice to go with someone else and continue whatever conversation you were previously having."
DI93
Be Free
"If bras give support then why does it feel good when you take them off? Would it feel good to never wear a bra?"
TinyThrowy
"Have you ever worn really tight jeans? They hold everything in place but the firm contact all day gets a bit much. Not wearing a bra if you have larger breasts can be pretty uncomfortable."
"It hurts your back (bras help a little by holding everything in centre so your gravity isn’t too funky), your breast hurt if you move too much, you get sweat under your boobs where they touch your skin. Not fun for everyone. Also it can be uncomfortable when your nipples rub against your clothes from excess movement."
Extension_Drummer_85
Listen
couple hug GIFGiphy"When you are really upset, how would you like your partner to respond or comfort you?"
Think8437
"Be empathetic, hold her (if she's comfortable with that), listen, and ask if she wants your advice. If she doesn't, just be a good listener and don't make her feel like she's to blame or that her feelings aren't valid."
MelanisticCrow
Postures
"How do you do the math and physics for when you pee outside? Some of my female friends took postures straight out of a yoga book and never made a mess."
LeMiaow51
"Sometimes I lean back on a rock or stump (almost in a 'crab walk' position) so that I am aimed at the ground and not my feet/pants."
BreWanKenobi
Playtime
"Do women play with their own breasts out it boredom? Like randomly squeeze them."
Regera80
"I do and it actually helped me! I was just laying in bed one day, playing with my boobs and I noticed a lump. Eventually went to the doctor and they were like, 'oh, were you doing a self exam when you found it?' And I had to be like, 'well, no…'"
"I ended up getting a biopsy and it was a fibroadenoma (benign common tumor in younger women) but I basically had to skirt around the fact that I found the lump from feeling my boobs in bed. No one ever asked directly, I just avoided being specific when they asked how I found it."
Apozerycki1
Hairy Situations
"How do you shampoo long hair? I've always had short hair, so lather and rinse is pretty easy, but with long hair I feel like it would get complicated quickly."
TheMathNut
"With shampoo you basically get used to massaging it directly on your scalp and the rest of your hair kinda rinses out along with any dirt as you wash away the shampoo. You focus on your scalp because that's where things get greasy and you don't want the bottoms of your hair to get too dry. This is why you also focus the conditioner towards the ends of your hair."
COVID_KISSES
Obsession...
"What is the obsession with murder? The whole serial killer book/podcast industry seems largely female oriented. Ironically many females I know who love this stuff also hate fake violence in fictional movies?"
Yngstr
"I’m taking notes so I don’t make the mistakes they made that got them caught."
"Honestly though, it’s a combination of the psychological aspect (why did they do it, what was going on in their head, what made them the way they are) and the forensic/investigation side of things. I also know some women who watch them in part to learn in some way how not to be the victim of crimes likes those featured."
Glowingrose
In the Books
"In a book/piece of writing, what do you think is the best way to describe a woman in a sexual context without being too crude or cliche or getting into the whole 'she breasted boobily down the stairs' thing?
"I'm a writer but I would feel WAY too awkward asking any of my girl friends this 💀 writing women characters isn't hard for me per se, you just give them goals, development and make them add to the story like anybody else. But I'm always second guessing myself when it comes to writing stuff in an intimate context."
AV8ORboi
'hot guy'
"Have heard what not to do on a date mostly but what are the top things a guy can do on a date? Without coming off as awkward or weird?"
UnKoNoWnDuDe
"Your looks will count for a little more in the beginning because I don't know you very well. But if you come across as decent, charming and confident, looks start to fade into the background."
"My husband is never going to win any 'hot guy' awards. He's a bit overweight, going grey, wears glasses and has more hair on his back than on his head. But I immediately fell in love with his personality; he's everything I've ever wanted in a man on the inside, so I honestly don't care what the outside looks like."
LJGHunter
Give it a try!
"How do you all make those little towel hats when you get out of the shower?"
mw407
"Imagine you have your towel across your back, both ends in each hand, flip you hair forward so you're bent over roughly 90°, being the towel forward so it's completely draped over your head until the edge of the towel that was touching your thighs, is now at the base of your hairline on the back of your neck, the towel is now draped over your head, grab the drape and twist it a few times, then toss it back. Give it a try! You don't even need hair to do it!"
78Carnage
Prepared
Giphy"Does it appear weird that I have pads and stuff ready, even though I don't need any? My mother once said that would be very nice when I have people over and periods just happens. I agreed to that thought, so I have some in the bathroom."
FanStrong3311
A Leg Up
"As far as I can tell, leggings are one of the most universal/flexible pieces of clothing a woman can wear and still remain as casual as jeans, but as comfy as pjs. YET you always manage to look hella good regardless of what top you pair with leggings. What the f**k do you wear with leggings/how do you always seem to pair it correctly? (Correctly being it never looks like something you wouldn’t pair with it)."
Honorzeal
Listening, empathy and cheese. It's always more simple than we make it.
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That's not to say the whole article is Testes Fest 2021 (please don't, you guys.) but I'm not in the business of lying. This article is not the one for younger readers or anyone who just isn't here for juggling any more balls than they had to.
I'm not sorry for that pun.
Reddit user "SecretariatGodHorse" asked:
"Women, what are some questions you've always wanted to ask men, but were too embarrassed?"
Pre"dick"tably, people started out with everything you never knew you needed to know about ... well ... you read my intro. You know what you're getting into.
Let's just go on ahead and get the probing penis questions out of the way now.
New Kinds Of Kisses
Lips Kiss GIFGiphy"When you use the toilet, does your weenie just hang into the toilet? Do you rest it on the seat? Do you ever get poop splash on your ween?" - misternuggies
"It hangs. Sometimes a splash hits the balls. Poseidon's kiss they call it." - SkeletalElite
"When your tip touches the toilet bowl/rim it's called The Witch's Kiss " - CaptainFeather
All About The Scrunch
Track And Field Dancing GIFGiphy"What happens to your balls when you run?"
"Are they just banging around? Do they stick between your thighs? Do they end up tucked? I've been dying to know, thanks." - Gettin-liiifted
"The nutsack isn't always floppy. It scrunches up or loosens. They don't flop when scrunched."
"Also Underwear keeps it in place." - LemonWaluigi
"Yeah, this is the answer. Your sack can contract so much, it presses your balls pretty far into your groin area."
"Then they don't dangle. They're just there." - Weikor
An Inconvenient Truth
Are You For Real No Way GIF by 1 Play SportsGiphy"Is it true you really get random boners?" - Kanyesb7889
"Yes. Distressingly often as a teen, but even later on it happens." - SoAngry75
"Constantly... I was told at some point that they would stop... I'm thirty f*cking seven and still waiting for that time I can stand up without having to shift things to hide it...." - kezow
"51 here. Hasn't stopped yet. I'm guessing they won't be able to close the coffin lid when I die at this rate." - gonesnake
A Difference Of Opinion
Kanye West No GIFGiphy"Do y'all secretly enjoy when we get you hard at inappropriate times?" - Kaitmyers79
"Oh God yes. When a girl intentionally gets me hard, knowing that I can't do anything about it (and may be embarrassed trying to hide it) that's such a turn on. Which of course makes me even harder."
"Here's the thing: girls get to feel sexy pretty much whenever they want. They have the opposite problem, with guys cat-calling or making inappropriate comments just because boobs and butts exist."
"But there's no equivalent of cleavage or a short skirt for guys. And even if there was, a lot of women just don't comment on mens' bodies, even to their partner."
"It's such that men can be in a relationship for years and never get to feel like their sexy bits are sexy. Hopefully we get compliments on other things, like how we dress or carry ourselves. And that's nice. But nobody ever compliments our dicks, other than maybe the first time you see it."
"So back to your question. If you're getting me hard on purpose, that means you're thinking about it and you like it. And that's a pretty nice compliment." - notme222
"No." - WakandaZad
Great, now that we've gotten all that out of our systems it's important to remember that men, like all humans, are so much more than their crotch-quirks.
Some may not always like to admit it, but there are hopes, fears, insecurities and genuine emotions happening over there. Of course there are!
Human - to - human, the questions turned into something more interesting. We got examinations of what patriarchy, socialization, and expectations look like in the real world.
In short - it got real.
Throwing Away Your Shot
Giphy"Is it true that guys generally hesitate or avoid going up to and talking women that are super attractive?"
"I mean like a 9 or a 10/10? Is attractiveness/appearance something that makes you stall when 'shooting your shot?' " - hoodfairyy
"Can't speak for all guys, but what I tell myself: 'Why the hell would someone like her be interested in someone like me?' " - LiquidGhost8892
"Absolutely. True story:"
"There was this really pretty girl in my friend group (all young 20-somethings) in San Diego. We'd hang out, go to parties, go to concerts, go to the beach, etc. I never even considered asking her out because she was waaaaay out of my league."
"One night she and I were the last of our group at the bar. She has no car so I offer her a ride home. She invites me in for a beer. Cool."
"We're watching late night tv and she leans her head on my shoulder. Eh, fine... we're buds, right?"
"Then her hand is on my thigh. Weird."
"I turn to look at her and she's looking in my eyes. I ask if she's okay and she says she'd be better if I kissed her. WTF?"
"She's like a 9 and I'm a 6 at best (maybe a Scranton 8). But, F*CK YEAH! We make out for a bit, but when I go to cop a feel she breaks it off and says, 'We've both had a lot to drink. Maybe you should sleep here tonight.' "
"I see I've blown it and say, 'Sure. Thanks.' "
"She heads to the bedroom and I kick off my shoes and stretch out on the couch. A couple of minutes go by and she comes back and says, 'Are you coming?' "
"WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK IS HAPPENING? But I smoothly go 'Um....yeah.' "
"That was Dec 12, 1981. We married April 3, 1982. Still going strong."
"If it wasn't for her, never would have happened." - CharDeeMacDennisII
911 Operators Break Down The Strangest Call They've Ever Received | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
For A Smile...
Flower Petals GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"I'm with someone who buys me flowers to make me smile--what would be something I could do similarly for him that is nonsexual that would brighten his day?" - JustFineAnd
"Be the big spoon. Scalp massage. Back rub, not necessarily a massage, either."
"Next time y'all are watching TV in bed or on the couch. Let him lay his head on your chest or lap, and run your fingers through his hair, or just pet his back like a dog. Even better if he's shirtless and you can lightly scratch his back."
"May not seem like much, but it makes a big impact on us, even if we may not immediately show it. For me, it slows my mind. Helps me stop thinking for a while and process the here and now so much better." - Infectious_Cockroach
"Compliment him. He may not show it on the outside, but he's giggling and blushing on the inside." - wamj
Clingy
Season 5 Hug GIF by The OfficeGiphy"How often do men want to be hugged? Does it feels clingy, if a girl offers it every now and then ?" - SpillBeanss
"Cling to me and just never let go. I wouldn't mind. Hugs are great!" - SlamUnited
"I don't know how many guys I speak for but for me being hugged by a girl you're dating or are close with is like getting permission to relax and be happy." - Crionso
"2 situations when someone being clingy has been an issue: when I was going to work and was already late from my schedule and when trying to do a #2."
"Any other time than those, if you're the one I love you could glue or tape yourself to me and I'd be happy." - Betanyymi
What About Your Friends?
Season 5 Friends Tv Show GIF by FriendsGiphy"Do you ever worry about what your friends think of the attractiveness of your girlfriend/wife? Like are you ever worried that people you know don't find her good-looking or judge you for being with her?"
"(This question is obviously coming straight from my insecurities lol.)" - MommaJ94
"I actually did have this fear with my last girlfriend. She was a bigger girl and I wasn't really concerned about what they thought, but just didn't want anyone being judgmental toward her."
"It's hard to explain, I wasn't ashamed of her or anything, just hate the thought of people judging her by her appearance." - saddestclaps
"I have never once asked my friends their opinions on my significant other's appearance, and I have never offered my opinion on theirs. And now that I think about it, I haven't really had an opinion on their looks by means to judge them." - secret-hero
Commitment Comments
Running Away Bake Off GIF by The Great British Bake OffGiphy"What makes you want to commit (be exclusive, or get married) does it have anything to do with your partner or more of 'I have to be ready within myself first?' " - Secretly_Uninhibited
"For me it was needing to feel like I had personally matured enough to be committed."
"I didn't want to commit to someone who was clearly ready to commit to me if I wasn't ready and could somehow end up wasting their time." - Langhof
"I pushed my wife away for a while, not cut I didn't like her, just wasn't ready for a serious relationship. We've been married for 10, together for about 15." - LostOldAccountTimmay
Deadly Butterflies
Giphy"When you have a crush on someone, do you get the butterflies too? What is going through your mind when you're with her/away from her? Is there an emotional aspect? Or is it mostly physical for guys?" - majestic_toast
"Yes, it's mostly emotional! In fact with my first crush I didn't even care about the physical part, and keep in mind I was 13 when that happened" - ZaneyTheAwesome
"Hell yeah"
"I try to act normal, oh wait my "normal" is everyone else's weird. How the f*ck am I supposed to bring up a conversation to get to know her without coming off as creepy?"
"Oh God she's making deep eye contact, and she's smiling. Should I mimic her?"
"It's emotional if we've already established a relationship. We know each other and I fantasize about living my life with her. It's physical when I don't know her and am just looking at her for the first time. When it's physical and emotional, that's one deadly combo." - PMmethighhighs
In The Gym
"Dear men:"
"What do you really think of fat girls when you see them at the gym, or are you so focused on your own workout you don't pay attention to anyone else? 🤔"
"Sincerely, An insecure fat girl trying to get healthy again." - dogandbutterfly1978
"Same thing I think of seeing anyone else. Good on them. Remember it doesn't matter how fast you are, your lapping everyone on the couch." - Timmmber4
"I think it's awesome because you're actively trying to get in shape. There's a ton of people who are so insecure that they can't even bear the idea of going to the gym because they're worried about what other people think, man or woman." - KinglyZero91
There's a lot more in the thread, but there's only so much article time you can devote to erections, hugs, and that one guy whose now-wife is the real MVP.
Shout out to that lady. We applaud you, sis.