As a professional actor and writer, rejection is in my DNA. I don't know who I'd be without rejection. Which is sad, but that's a convo for later. Professionally I can't escape it, but I try.
She's Weird
Hannibal Lecter Killer GIFGiphy"One week into the relationship we were gonna have sex. I went a little overboard setting out rose petals, candles, music and champagne in the corner. She thought I was a serial killer and we ended it."
- BVNINC
"not today"
"I went travelling through Sweden with a friend back in college, which was a lot longer ago than I want to admit. He was completely enamored with Swedish women and was continually attempting to seduce them. "Excuse me, do you speak English?" he asked one of them one day, to which she replied "not today" and continued walking."
Listen Britney!
"At 19, I was working at the video store in my hometown. There was going to be a lot of renovations in the building so the store was closed for a few days. Management scheduled a meeting to get everyone up to date for new stuff, and to prepare for a new internal contest, divide people into groups for the contest, etc."
"I couldn't attend the meeting because it was my mother's wedding on that day. The wedding was amazing, everybody had lots of fun and it was genuinely one of the best events I've ever been to. The day after I come back to work, ecstatic and happy from the day before. Every employee is happy to see me, one of them tells me they named the group I was assigned to "Britney bi*ches" or something just for me (I'm a big Britney fan). My boss eventually calls me to meet him upstairs in his office with my supervisor."
"I expect it's because he wants to bring me up to date on the goings and what happened at the meeting. Turns out he fired me. For a few months I had been losing motivation to be working effectively, and I had confided in my supervisor about my problems (she and I got close over the years, so I felt comfortable confiding in her) . Mind you, for a month before the firing I was back on track at work."
"The boss told me he fired me because he was scared I was gonna lose my motivation again. I had to do the walk of shame towards the exit. On the day after my mother's amazing wedding. I came home to my mom's and said "I just got fired". Basically one of the worst days of my life. NEVER CONFIDE YOUR PERSONAL PROBLEMS TO YOUR SUPERIORS FOLKS."
Dead End
"Asked a girl out in high school just before a week long holiday, to which she had said yes and gave me her number. Every time I tried to call her she was miraculously not there, even though she could be heard in the background. Turns out she told her friends, all excited, and then her friends told her not to go through with it."
In the Snow
Sad Cartoon GIFGiphy"When I was still in high school I came home late from work to find all my belongings on the front lawn in the snow. My drunk mother and her crazy boyfriend decided it was time to get rid of me. Haven't trusted anyone since."
Oof, that's a lot of painful memories to dissect in therapy. People really can be cruel. And it's unprofessional to relieve people of their duties while inflicting misery. Just think about it.
She's Evil
Roseanne Barr 80S Movies GIF by absurdnoiseGiphy"She laughed at me then proceeded to get her friends to laugh as well and then after that people would ask me out as a joke and then say ewwww no if I said yes the result being I haven't been able to trust if someone is genuinely attracted to me and I still don't trust most people."
Super unprofessional...
"Got rejected from a job as an RA when literally everyone else was accepted. I asked why and it's because when they asked about something I had overcome, I had said that I used to have difficulty interacting with parents until I worked two public facing roles, and now was super confident. They decided that meant I was too shy for the role. They never even READ my resume. Super unprofessional."
Hide the Comments
"Not really a rejection, but in high school, I was in class talking to some people in a circle. I got up to leave and as I was walking away, one of them uttered "Wow, he has the worst acne I have ever seen." At the time it bothered me, but it never got me depressed or anything."
"I eventually got on accutane which cured it. The cruelty of that comment makes me laugh today. High school was fun in that it had so many weird social moments. I like to think kids are nicer today, because I consider myself lucky that I didn't let comments like that get to me."
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On a Saturday morning...
"I was a lot younger at the time, and I was really into this girl I went to school with (I was about 9). On a Saturday morning, I'd finally summoned the confidence to ask her out. I mustered the confidence, dressed up, and strolled around the block to her house. I paused, took a big breath, and knocked on the door."
"She responded, "There was no precursor for me; I just went ahead and asked her out." She paused, gave me an odd look, replied no, and shut the door behind me, leaving me despondent in the street. On Monday, I went to school and was greeted with a barrage of laughter."
"It turned out that I'd tried to ask her out while her grandparents were standing outside the door, and they weren't impressed with some scruffy 9-year-old in strange clothes knocking on the door at 0800 to invite their devoutly Catholic granddaughter out on a date. We didn't speak to each other after that. It was brought up again in school."
Only the Lonely
Sad Baby GIF by Angry BirdsGiphy"My best female friend had a habit of using me as a rebound. So after the third time this happened stuff starts going sideways and she hit me with "you're the guy I hit up when I'm lonely."
"I thought you were gay"
"I broke up with a girl in junior high and she proceeded to tell the entire school that the reason for our split was because I was gay (in 1980 this was a not nearly the same as today). Later that year I went up to a girl and asked her to an upcoming dance -- she sneered at me and said "I thought you were gay" and just walked away. This stigma followed me all the way through high school (small town in Prince Edward Island, Canada)."
"And I didn't have another girlfriend until after I left the province to move to Ontario. Didn't help that my first name is Ray, which prompted my inevitable nickname through the period. Not gay, not at all effeminate... yet this stuck to me for years and essentially ruined my life until I moved."
- mindspan
Those Girls
"I remember when I was backpacking Europe with my college roommate we were in Germany waiting for an overnight train so we went for drinks nearby. We met these girls who were there and started getting along so we missed our train. So now we're in town for the night so the girls were eager to show us around the nightlife."
"I can't remember how we got separated but I wound up going back to the bar where the insanely gorgeous waitress was giving me free drinks then offers to let me sleep in her car then she'll drive me to her place to cook me breakfast in the morning."
"I'm trying to sleep and hear them banging on the window trying to get me to go with them (I didn't want to because that waitress was really hot) but went out drinking until 6am with them then got on our train and they gave us their contact info. Roommate and I part ways for a few days and he decides he's going back to see those girls."
"Good, one of us better be getting laid after that night. Buddy shows up, let's them know it's just him in town and if they wanted to go out again. They tell him they're lesbians and totally brush him off. He was devastated since we hit it off so well and they seemed excited to see us again."
Puzzled
"I was at university and chatted up this really cute girl. I thought things were really going great, when she says she had to rush off, but wrote her name and number on a piece of paper before leaving. When I called the number, a guy with a deep voice answered and said in a very puzzled voice that he didn't know anyone of that name. Nobody writes their own number down wrong, so I guess things weren't going as well as I thought."
Can we talk?
"Was at a bar/restaurant for my moms birthday (maybe 10-12 people with us). I got very drunk, and some girl was singing karaoke and was extremely talented. After she was done I went up to her and said how impressive she was, she said thanks, and I walked away. Should have ended at that, because a few drinks later my drunken desperate mind goes "I should ask her out."
"I walk up to her and awkwardly tap her shoulder, without realizing she's sitting there with her family and her father lol. I go "can we talk?" She's like "yea?"...."can I have your number?" To which she responds "oh my boyfriend is the DJ sorry..." and her whole family looks at me all awkward like wtf? The combination of rejection and being too embarrassingly drunk to see how bad of an idea that was, is part of the reason I don't drink alcohol anymore."
Still Hurts
Sad Pikachu GIFGiphy"When I was 3 my mother told me she wished I'd never been born. (No drugs or alcohol were involved)I remember her hairdo, her glasses, and even what design was on her dress. I'm 56 and I've never gotten over it."
Be a Man
"I was chatting with this girl online, and sent her a face pic after she asked for one, she comes back and says "No, you look too young to me. I know your age, but you just don't look it, and really don't have any masculine features I look for in men and your nose is too big, sorry." Like, she could have just said not interested dam."
- Xdude199
Across the World
"Not the most painful, but the most recent. Back at the end of last year, I started dating again after sitting out most of the year bc of the pandemic. Met a woman and we just clicked. First time in a long while where I felt an actual connection [made even more significant thanks to the solitude created by the pandemic]. I think we fell hard and fast for each other, but then she revealed she was going back home to the other side of the world."
"For several months so we had a heart to heart about a bunch of things like future career plans, kids, religion, etc to see whether it was worth maintaining things long distance. Unfortunately there were a couple big things we didn't quite agree upon so we ended up breaking up. In the several months since then, I've still yet to meet anyone whom Ive had a connection anywhere near approaching that."
"Uh, I have a boyfriend..."
"I'd just graduated college and moved to a new city. I was regretting not being more social at school and was determined to be more outgoing. This was my chance for a fresh start! I woke up feeling good, got in the elevator to my apartment building, and decided to introduce myself to my new neighbor who was already on. I gathered my courage and said "Hi" with a smile. The poor girl seemed terrified and just said. "Uh, I have a boyfriend..." then mashed the button for the next floor and hopped out."
Silver Linings
silver linings playbook dance GIFGiphy"I just don't think I can be in a relationship right now."
"Four days later is in a relationship with a "friend" that came over multiple times to hang out at my place. Silver lining, she is on her ninth relationship in 2 1/2 years (for good reason), and my girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half."
Who knows?
"My ex I was with for 7 years, engaged, and planning a wedding with. Her parents insisted we cancel the wedding and shortly after she declared we should go on a break. Her only explanation was I needed to improve myself. I did. She then ignored it all and never spoke to me ever again. Practically no explanation of any kind. She wanted me to not be a poor farmer. I'm not by any means anymore. Likely making more than she is now. Who knows? She only wanted me for land I guess? Money? I have no idea, and never will."
This is why I hate love. I have been rejected romantically, but usually with thoughtful hands. But from what I've witnessed and now read, I'm even more weary of romantic rejection. Alas... life will continue.
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That prohibits most of us from having the courage to ask someone out. Some people's egos are way too fragile.
So how do you encourage someone to throw caution to the wind and take a chance on love? Just tell them to go for it. Besides, what's the worst that can happen?
Apparently, it turns out there are some worst-case scenarios as experienced by these single cisgender males who were turned down and drop-kicked to the curb after asking a girl out.
Curious to hear about their shattered self-esteem, Redditor JadenYuki15 asked:
"Dear boys of reddit, we all know the whole, 'the worst thing she can say is no,' and that its bs. What's the worst rejection you've ever received
Stingers
The zingers here really dented these Redditors' self-esteem.
Harsh Dis
"I asked a girl out in high school and she just looked at her friends, said eww, and walked away. It crushed my self esteem for months."
A Horrible Person
"There was this girl I was on good terms with. Good friends for a number of years, always had a crush on her but just decided I was done hiding that. So I asked her out."
"You'd do much better asking a face surgeon for a consultation. I'm going to take a shower. Bye."
"Yeah...I mean, we were good friends, a simple 'no' would have sufficed. Unsurprisingly our friendship didn't last much longer because boy oh boy she turned into a horrible person. And by that I mean she started hanging with some really f'ked up people, and when I did actually end up in a relationship, she got super jealous (the f'k) and tried her best to end it. And she succeeded."
– We1tfunk
The Punchline
"At a bar with a friend, I asked a girl for her number and she said, 'I have one but not for you.' I went back to my friend and we laughed and got drunk."
The Bad Insult
"I asked someone out and she said she'd pardon my language: never go out with a 'retard.' I have borderline intellectual functioning but she called me that because I was in special Ed classes. Here I am at 27 and haven't asked anyone out since high school."
Awkward Red-Faced GIF by moodmanGiphySalt On The Wound
In addition to being rejected, more humiliation was to come for these poor guys.
Sorry, J.K.
"I went to school with a girl I ended up nicknaming JK."
"Her initials were actually JK, so she never thought much about it, but I called her that because she was always 'just kidding'."
"She would flirt with you nonstop, making you think she really had a thing for you, until you built up the courage to ask her out. Then she'd laugh and say she didn't think about you like that."
"Weeks later she'd start flirting again, really pouring it on that she wanted you, rinse and repeat."
"Wasn't 'the worst' rejection or anything but man was it aggravating to keep falling for it!"
The Popular Girl
"I asked a girl out privately in highschool, she rejected me politely but told everyone at school that I asked her out. That would have been fine but she is a popular girl in highschool while I am an ordinary, unnoticeable student. Every boys that liked her bullied me until the end of the year for confessing to her."
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"Making small talk at a bar with a girl and offered to buy her a drink. She said 'nooo, I'll buy you a drink!' Can't argue with that, I thought, and accepted."
"She got me a gutter shot... Apparently she was dating the bartender and it was a thing they did whenever she got hit on."
"Ninja edit: a gutter shot is when the bartender scoops up a shot glass full of whatever spilled drinks ended up in the trough behind the bar. It's disgusting and probably not sanitary. Anyway, she was a b*tch and that bartender was an a**hole. I left without paying and never went back."
Twisting The Knife
"I told a girl in high school i had feelings for her and then she completely ignored it and told me about how she was f'king her personal trainer and proceeded to send me pictures of them together."
Height Prejudice
"She laughed in my face and said, 'Oh, you were serious? I don't date short guys.' I'm 5'4."
"6 years later I'm doing very well, she is couch-surfing."
"Saw her at a bar recently and she didn't recognize me, partly because I grew a beard and partly because she was so sloshed."
"She tried to hit on me, and I'm actually proud that I just said no thanks, but I'm flattered."
"Proud of myself, sad for her."
Scorned Dance Partner
"Girl I was in to in middle school, who was supposedly into me to. We used to dance at the dances, kind of. At the end of one, everyone was pairing up for the next dance, so I asked her if she wanted to go to the next dance with me. No hesitating, she just said no. Hurt like hell. But I still had feelings for her and it ruined a possible relationship later because I couldn't let that girl go."
The Shallow Date
"A friend set me up on a date with a wonderful woman and we got along well. But when I took off my hat and revealed that I was bald, she gasped and walked briskly to the bathroom."
Lies
The passive aggressive type of rejection cuts deeper.
The Excuse
"I met this girl at a Metal concert (specifically Gwar), she came up to me and was scared because of the mosh pit, and insisted I hold onto her because I was the biggest guy there (6'5" and 250lbs), she was cute so of course I did. After the show ended I forgot to get her number but gave her a drumstick of one of the opening bands. Fast forward a few days later I get a message on Facebook asking if I was the guy who gave her the drum stick, and I said yes. We ended up hanging out, a few times, got lunch, and I asked her out, I was told she does not date younger guys (she I guess was 25, I was 20 at the time), Fast forward a few days later, I find out she was dating an 18 year old so surprised me with a curveball."
Presumed Single
"I bought a girl a few drinks at a nightclub in my early twenties. After about 3 drinks, I asked her if she wanted to come hang with my friends and I. She leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek and says 'Thanks for the drinks I have to get back to my boyfriend now.' My guy friends were laughing their a**es off."
– RAM_592
The Prom Date
"Asked a girl to our prom in high school. She said someone already asked her. She came with her brother."
Based on these responses, it seems some rejections are no worse than any of the others.
Although it may still sting, "I'm just not that into you" is better than a cruel punchline harsh enough to annihilate a dude's self-esteem, stomp it to pieces, and pour acid all over it.
The good news is, the ones who have the capacity to insult you at a vulnerable moment are the ones you would not want to take home and introduce to mom.
Don't give up hope, gents. There's definitely a keeper out there somewhere for you who will be worth the wait.
But not all proposals are the romantic milestone everyone expects them to be, especially when "yes" is not the answer.
When a woman ultimately says, "no," the courage it takes for her to turn down a proposal is better in the long run for both people involved.
Wondering about how life resumed for women post-proposal, Redditor Interesting-Cod478 asked:
"Women who got proposed to but rejected it, why and how did your life change afterwards?"
The Ring
"I was dating a guy for two or three weeks (yes, weeks) and he proposed to me. With a ring he had bought for another woman. Which he told me as he was proposing. I said no and kind of slowly ghosted him because YIKES."
Wasn't A Joke
"I guy a went on one date proposed to me because he wanted a green card. I thought he was joking at first. He wasn't. I said no and then goodbye forever"
– azick545
"It was honestly hilarious. I was like at least put in some more effort, string me along, etc. But at least he made his feelings apparent quickly and I didn't have to worry anymore."
– azick545
"I was proposed to in a pretty nonchalant manner by a fellow student at my local community college. I had just turned 21 and he was in his mid 40's. The class was scuba diving."
"He has some really good reasons for me to marry him. He was completely deaf, so his proposal was witnessed by an interpreter and most of the class. He spoke well but was a little hard to understand at times so he signed and spoke the whole thing while the interpreter stood by to make sure I understood what he was saying and had to repeat a couple things that I didn't catch."
If It Weren't For The Age Gap
"The class was pretty laid back so we were all mostly comfortable with each other. Hanging out chatting after class one day and he gets my attention and says, very matter of fact 'we should get married, here's why' and proceeds to list several reasons why. Some of his reasons were- I could drive his Jeep any time I wanted. It was a brand new Rubicon and I had an older grand cherokee so obviously I love jeeps. I could play music as loud as I wanted any time of day, wouldn't bother him. We would never fight because he couldn't hear me anyway. He had a job, collected disability pay, and had his own home so I would never have to work. I always looked so interested in what he had to say. That one was him picking on me because he knew I didn't know sign language."
"He said it would be perfect. I agreed with him that it did sound pretty great, except for the fact that he was the same age as my dad and that was weird."
"I kindly declined his proposal and he joked about me crushing his spirits and how I was the only girl for him. He pretty much dropped it but he would ask me occasionally throughout the rest of the class 'change your mind yet?' Then we'd have a good laugh."
"He was the nicest guy, I think just a little lonely. Always kind hearted and loved helping everyone out. He loved that he was on an even playing field while scuba diving, no one can hear under water. He was fun to be around. Too bad he was twice my age."
"Jerry, if you're out there and remember this interaction, I dated a few guys that were sh*t compared to how you'd treat a lady and I thought about your proposal often. I'm incredibly happy with the boy that I hope to marry someday and I genuinely hope you've found someone that makes you happy and treats you well."
– S-Crumby
The Senior Player
"92 yr old man at a nursing home used to ask me and every other woman to Marry him daily. Had this whole sweet old man line 'your the most beautiful woman I've ever seen' , I would reply 'I just heard you say the same thing to that nurse,' 'but you're prettier.' Made me smile everytime. He had forgotten he was already married."
White Water Rafting Followed By A Proposal
"A friend of mine in another city, had been trying to set me up with her male roommate. He, whom I had never met, had won tickets for white water rafting in BC... about 6 hours away for me, and 3 for him... we decided to do a weekend trip to meet (my friend insisted that he was cool... otherwise I never would have gone without knowing him for a while.
Anyways... I was *very* clear that we wouldn't be having sex, since we had just met, and he agreed, pointing out that he was strict Roman Catholic and would not have sex until married."
"First night we fooled around a bit, but nothing much.... went white water rafting the next day, had dinner and back to the room."
"He very excitedly tells me that he met a priest who was also staying at the hotel, and PROPOSES!!!! With complete seriousness!!"
"WTF!! Everything after that went rather poorly. He didn't understand why I wouldn't see him again after dropping him off at home."
"Did not change my life, other than have a good story...."
Sweet Little Suitors
"I worked as a pre-k teaching assistant for a year. The head teacher was married so they called her Mrs. while I was not so they called me Ms. Eventually some of the kids noticed this difference and started asking why head teacher was Mrs. and I wasn't. We explained that she was married and I didn't have a husband. Upon hearing that one little boy loudly stated 'I will marry you! I want to be your husband!' I got 3 other proposals from 3 different 4 year olds that day. Definitely not a serious story, but one that always makes me smile :)"
The Deadbeat
"Okay, my first boyfriend. Started dating in high school, my end of 9th grade year, he was a senior. So he went off to college, lived 2 hours away. Cool, everything was cool. My junior year, he moves back to our hometown. Didn't talked about, I asked him about college. He just said he didn't want to go anymore, then I realize this guy can't commit to a job, like in high school I understood the slack. I ended things with him that summer before I went for my senior year."
"Years pass, I moved to a different city 3 hours away from our hometown. We get in contact again because I was getting over a bad break up. After 2ish years we start dating again. I think he finally has good things going for him, like his future. Well, after dating for like 3 months he moved in with me, I didn't want this, yet his mother was being kicked out of the house they were renting. ( due to non_payment )
About 6 months into him living with me, he's jobless, demanding I pay his car payments, won't clean up anything, and just plays games all day. He asked me to marry him, I said yeah cause people were watching but I promise you, and soon as we get back to my apartment, I give him $40, tell him to go back to his mom's so she could take care of him for the rest of her life!!"