We've all made stupid mistakes. Actually, it would be even stranger if you had never messed up or said the wrong thing or done a basic math equation wrong in your head. What matters is how you handled yourself afterwards. Did you admit your mistake? Did you apologize? Did you do everything you could to learn so you wouldn't make the same slip-up again?
Or were you like the people in the stories below?
Reddit user, u/Darth_Boot, posed the following question:
Well, Technically, He Was Right...Sort Of...
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Knew a kid who drank bleach to prove it wouldn't kill you.
A week later he showed up at school after taking a shot.
He said he "proved his point" when the teacher asked why he was bragging about it.
Mr Hawk just said "But you cannot argue that without that medical treatment you'd have died though- you even said you have stomach damage and a burn esophagus yourself".
This kid was bragging about that. He was not mentally disabled or otherwise. He was just that kind of idiot.
Simple Slip Of The Apple
A classmate of mine, during biology class (we were 14 - 15 at the time), genuinely in total confidence, asked the teacher "Does the Adams apple or the heart pump blood?"
He had gotten the misconception after our teacher told us to check our pulse, and he checked by putting a finger on his throat...
No, No, That's Not The Girl...
I was in the Dominican Republic and did all the standard sight-seeing stuff. There was a church that had a grave. It was the grave of a 3-year-old. Next to the grave, there was an image of the Virgin Mary.
This highly perplexed an American tourist. She kept pointing at the Virgin Mary and saying "This girl died!?!? But she doesn't look 3! She looks sixteen!"
Just Look Up
I took my dog to the vet not that long ago. They now pick up your dog from your car instead of you going in, due to the recent coronavirus epidemic. They also put up these big signs in pink on the door that said, "please don't come on, wait for the worker to come to you."
So while we were waiting this women pulled up in her car and parked near the front. She got out and tried to open the door for a good 5 minutes straight. The sign was right there in her face too, in BRIGHT NEON PINK! I watched in amusement waiting for a nurse to come out and tell her to stop.
Socks To Be You
In high school I was over at one of my friends house and we were getting ready to go to the mall or something. We were almost ready to go and she sat down on the floor staring intently at her socks. She then commented on how she hated socks because it's so hard to tell the left from the right.We also once got into an argument about mixing colors. She was adamant that yellow and orange made red. I had to physically mix paint in front of her to show her that she was wrong.
Doubly Wrong In The Right Way
In grade ten, we had a science test, and the teacher gave one point for putting a date on the paper, and one point for your name on the paper....and then there were 98 points for the rest of the test. A guy sitting in front of me got 0.5/100....didnt write the date and only wrote his first name....
Definitely One Of Those Problems Where If You Think About It For Two Seconds...
At the start of working from home due to the pandemix, I had a few users submit tickets for "connectivity issues". These tickets got through 2 lines of support before landing in my queue.
Turns out that the corporate WiFi doesn't follow you home and you need home internet in order to connect to the VPN.
We've All Got One In Our Lives
Just scroll down a webpage or Facebook feed and have a look at the ads. Things like "only 2% can solve this puzzle" sh-t like that. Those ads get posted so much because they actually work on a lot of people.
Ugh, these are the worst. "Only 5% of people are smart enough to get this right, can you?" and then it's usually some stupid grade school riddle that I've known the answer to since I was 7, or some "complicated" math equation that any middle schooler who remembers PEMDAS could easily solve.
I actually had people on my Facebook who would share their results for these tests, like "OMG look how smart I am, I knew the answer!" I mean, sure, there are probably people who wouldn't be able to answer these, but it's definitely not 95%, and if you're dumb enough to actually believe that only 5% of the people who read that post can solve it, and feel like knowing the answer somehow gives you bragging rights, you're definitely not winning any intelligence awards.
That Moment When You Realize You Have It More Together Than The Boss
I worked at Little Caesars and we were proofing the dough for pizza. My boss said (at 7pm) that the dough needed to rise for 12 hours, and took out her calculator to do the math. So I said ummm that's gonna be 7am. Then she said the dough will expire in 48 hours and started doing the math again. I told her it would expire two days from now, and she said "that's kinda weird how that works out huh?"
I quit shortly after that.
The Parent Has Become The Student
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I teach 6th grade. One time a parent came to me after trying to help their child with math homework and asked, "What number is x worth? It feels like it changes with every problem!"
Thank You, Captain Hindsight!
My mother-in-law thinks she's psychic because she has the "ability" to predict what has already happened. For example: A couple of years ago, there was a pretty major event near our hometown that claimed the a number of lives and left many seriously injured. It was all over the news and I don't just mean in our town - this was big news around the country and even got international response.
She later claimed she knew it was going to happen because, that night, each and every victim visited her in the night before leaving Earth. She claimed that this was proof of her psychic abilities because even though you couldn't get away from the news, she TOTALLY didn't know it happened until all the victims came to visit an old lady in bed. Smh
That's Not How Time Works
I remember a friend telling me her sisters were in America at the same time of Michael Jackson's death so they found out quicker than us in the UK. Within 2 hours apparently. I was like yeah but I mean it was all over the internet, news etc globally as it was happening but she thought just because her sisters were in America ( in NY by the way) they found out sooner.
Thinking You're Outside The Rules
Walked into a fast food joint this morning for breakfast. Signs everywhere saying "drive-thru, delivery, take-out", "Dining room closed", stickers on the floor at 6' gaps with lines marked out in tape through the dining area, chairs on top of tables, and on EVERY table - "We're sorry, our dining area is closed at this time."
Two 'gentlemen' just got their food as I walked in with my partner (EMS, we needed food for 12 hour shift), and then sat down at a table to begin eating. Once the front counter employee had taken mine and my partner's orders, she very politely reminded them that the dining area was closed.
"Oh, we didn't know." Bullsh-t, you entitled motherf-ckers. You felt the rules, signs, and social distancing didn't apply to you. My only regret was being in uniform myself, so I couldn't share my mind. I did congratulate the employee on her tact, though, after the idiots had left.
Wibbly-Wobbly, Timey-Wimey
On 9/11 the General Manager called his daughter who was attending ASU to wake her up and make sure she saw what was going on. The customer service MANAGER said "It won't be on her TV yet, Arizona is 2 hours behind us"
It's All Breathing
One of my nieces had a cold as a toddler and was breathing through her mouth. My ex BIL flipped out because he didn't want her to get carbon monoxide poisoning from breathing through her mouth instead of her nose (the "normal" way)....... 😔
I read things like this and start asking myself, "why would anyone think this? How would this even work?"
And then I realize, this is the kind of stupid I don't want to understand.
1,000% Not How Science Works At All
A woman I used to work with who insisted that any animal could reproduce with any other animal. She believed that sperm from any animal was the same and that DNA was irrelevant.
She believed this because she once saw some sickly, possibly deformed puppies and decided that they must have been half dog and half rat.
Wow...
I worked at a bank. Mobile depositing had just became a "thing". We received a picture of someones cash for deposit. Yea..
This Is Very Real. Do A Quick Search.
In the 80's, A&W attempted to compete with McDonald's "quarter-pounder" burger by selling a "third-pounder" for the same price. The operation failed tremendously, with virtually no one buying the burger. When they surveyed customers for an explanation, the majority of customers responded that they "didn't want to pay the same price for less meat."
Their customers genuinely believed that one third was less than one fourth and refused to try the new A&W burger because of it.
Saved By Florida!
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The fact Florida had to tell people NOT to shoot at the hurricane.
Even better, the fact that NOAA even has to have a section on their site explaining why using nuclear weapons against hurricanes is far worse than the worst idea you can possibly imagine.
But at least nobody with actual access or the power to authorize the use of nuclear weapons would EVER have an idea that blindingly stupid.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk him about it.
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"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
Song Choice
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
– KentuckyFriedEel
School Protocol
"Advice I received in high school from other students:"
"Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee."
"When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist."
"Never button the top button of your shirt."
– Gorf_the_Magnificent
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
– SonOfTheShire
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
– captainmagictrousers
Getting Woodwind
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
– Virtual_Caramell
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
Daddy Duty
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
– Bullydaddy
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
– Freshrendar
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
– Caity26
Life Skills
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
– placeholderNull
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
– desrever1138
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
Manly Appetite
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
– BigJiggies
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
– AmigoDelDiabla
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
– patricksaurus
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
– Sargatanus
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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