JOIN
OUR EMAIL LIST!

For many insecure fellas out there, anything that is not completely in line with the behavior of John Wayne in an old western film is to be avoided like the plague.


For such dudes, to really throw off the scent, not only is any and all emotionally expressive behavior NEVER displayed, but it must be called out when other, lesser men engage in that kind of moral transgression.

This finger pointing often takes a specific form: calling it "gay." It's a bit absurd, as the insult arises from a feeling that a man isn't performing gender right. But being gay has nothing to do with gender.

Hilarity ensues, though, when the calling out becomes so paranoid and vigilant that very strange things are deemed "gay."

u/ma_damn_blueberry asked, "Straight men of Reddit: what's the strangest thing you've been told not to do because 'that's gay'?"

A Real Man Would Start Over

I was reading a book and a couple dudes called me gay. Not for reading a book, but because I was using a bookmark.

u/RJ1337

Unsustainable 

There was a thread on here a while back where some poor girl told the world about an ex who wouldn't wipe himself or wash his genitals cause "touching a penis is gay"

u/amc7262

Can't Imagine How Ugly the Cup Holder Dispute Got

My brother-in-law and I went to a movie. He told me it was gay to sit next to him. I told him to stop being a b*tch and I sat right next to him. For the entire movie.

u/writerintheory1382

Giphy

A Very Thin, Hollow, Dr. Pepper Filled Penis

Use a straw.

Because apparently it's like having a tiny peen in your mouth.

I still use straws and haven't had the urge to be with a man yet.

u/PI3M3I

Giphy

"No Being Dry!"

Linen shopping. By my best friend.

That's nice bro, but I need towels. Deal with it.

u/Shiasurasa

Giphy

A Far Cry From "No Thank You"

A guy in the bus offered his seat to a woman that was standing. She looked at him and said "Are you gay or something?" like it's gay to be polite.

u/Akinory13

The Long Stem Mimosa Glass Really Set Off the Alarms

Brunch. If steak, eggs and alcohol at noon are gay, well then f*ck it.

u/knaugh

The Most Aggressive Review of a Pedicure

Get a pedicure. Holy f*ck that sh*t feels so good!

u/Ducas24

Giphy

A Stone Would be Hotter

Girl - "Oh, I thought you were gay"

Me - "What?!? Haha, noooo. Why did you think that?"

Girl - "Because you were smiling so big and laughing a lot"

u/Titanruss

Geographical Determinism

I grew up in California before moving to the east coast as a teenager.

I've been told all Californian's are gay or at least bi, more than once.

iph0ne

Giphy

High Schoolers are Insane 

I wore my watch on my right hand. Apparently when i was in high school that gay as f*ck.

jumpstart58

Heterosexuality is Generated From the Plaque Between Your Teeth

Floss my teeth.

Apparently, gingivitis is something only hetero people have.

DeadWombats

Giphy

Bear in Tights 

I sew renaissance type costumes as a hobby. I've been told I should stop doing it because sewing is either gay or women's work.

On the plus side I am a 6'2 bear of a man so when I tell them to f*ck off, they usually leave it be.

BattleFerrett

Fleetwood Mac. Nuff Said.

Enjoy female singers/fronted bands. I came from a very stupid place with a very stupid culture.

mindfeces

Clearly a Huge Freud Fan

My sister told me that her Psychology teacher explained that every man that went to see a prostitute were secretly gay because they were seeking out the previous man's penis inside the prostitute's vagina.

inckalt

"Citrus is a Fruit, My Hands are Tied"

Tried to order a Mojito at a bar back when they were all the rage since I had only heard of them and never tried one.

Waiter looked at me and said "No. You're not gay so i wont get that for you."

But...i just wanted to try a popular cocktail....

RemedialChaosTheory

Straight and Wet

My sister told me this gem.

Her male friend said he hated being a guy because he COULDN'T USE AN UMBRELLA.

BoilEmMashEmBoilEm

"Lactose Proficient" is an Incredible Phrase

Drink milk. Especially chocolate milk. I've been singled out on 3 occasions, and was once called gay for it. By store clerks, no less.

I love milk and I'm lactose proficient, so I told them I'd use my lactose proficiency however I like.

BloodRedCobra

Giphy

Gay is the New Respectful

Having friends that are girls that you don't sexually harass.

premium_hunger

Image by Nika Akin from Pixabay

We've all said something stupid, let's not lie to ourselves.

Keep reading... Show less
Image by Nebraska Department of Education from Pixabay

The advice "fake it til you make it," though often said with at least a hint of sarcasm, does carry quite a bit of wisdom.

Keep reading... Show less
Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

I'm going to be perfectly honest––I'm a city boy. I'm not a huge fan of hiking or camping. I happen to be a huge fan of running water. Have you heard of it? It's great. Highly recommended.

I've also, on a more humorous note, watched far too many horror films over the years and don't particularly like idea of running off into the woods only to piss off some demon that was perfectly fine until I arrived. I also have immense respect for our friendly neighborhood serial killers and demonstrate this regularly by staying out of their territory.

Those who love the great outdoors had plenty to share after Redditor Your_Normal_Loser asked the online community, "

Hikers of Reddit, what is the weirdest or creepiest thing you've come across while hiking?"
Keep reading... Show less

Time is of the essence. And time is not definable. Those are lessons we learn as we get older; as times passes and fluctuates in front of us.

Time is always fleeting yet always catches up to us. I find myself shocked when I wake up on certain days and realize I'm a particular age of my parent that sticks out for me.

Like, how did that happen? I guess I should just be thankful I'm still here to witness it all.

Redditor u/TW1103 wanted to discuss the meaning... of time and all of its affects by asking:

What fact really puts the scale of time into an insane perspective?
Keep reading... Show less